No Coincidences

Author: Brayden Quackenbush

How did I get here?

What is my goal in writing this blog?

Hopefully to uplift someone, anyone. Believer, nonbeliever. Member of the Church of Jesus Christ, member of any church, member of no church. I’d like to teach people who know nothing about this faith some of what I believe. I’d like to share with members of my faith the things that have impacted my testimony.

Recently a new motivation has emerged. With a daughter on the way I realize one day she can read all this. Whether or not anyone reads any of this. One day my daughter might.

Right now, I’m posting individual posts that are unrelated to each other. Mostly my thoughts and musings. As I post more, I plan on categorizing posts into certain sections. If someone could come to this page and read a quick one to two-page entry and leave slightly uplifted, that’s my ultimate goal. Most of my writing I hope to be somewhat thought provoking. Just things I’ve thought about or ideas and concepts that have really impacted me and changed the way I’ve looked at life.

I hope for this to be informational. I was greatly impacted by the writing of a man, John Pontius. As I read more, I’m impacted by the writings of many people who took the time to put thoughts on paper. Maybe something I write one day will help someone. I also hope to discuss what I feel makes the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ special. I hope for people not of my faith to read, and maybe have something stirred in their souls. Something that reminds them of where they came from, and maybe have a desire to learn more about Christ’s Church and what makes it so important.

As I write I’ll share a lot about me. I wanted a section to describe, briefly, who I am and how I got here.

Anybody reading on my page will immediately notice the strong religious theme. It’s what I think about most. For a portion of my life, it was not this way.

About me:

I was born in Payson, Utah in 1990. I moved to St. George, Utah when I was ~5. I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada when I was ~9. I lived in three houses from ages 9 to 18 in Las Vegas. We moved a lot and that was always difficult for me while growing up.

Payson, Utah

St. George, Utah

Las Vegas, Nevada

In 2009 I moved to Arizona to go to Arizona State University. I decided early on I didn’t want to go to UNLV (University of Nevada Las Vegas) or UNR (University of Nevada Reno). I wanted to get out of Nevada, I wanted a fresh start. I had no family in Arizona. Las Vegas wasn’t far, but I would be completely on my own.

I still remember when I was driving to Arizona for orientation with my mom. She got sick on the way and we stopped. I think we were in Boulder City, about an hour into the drive. I took her to the emergency room. My dad drove there to be with my mom. I had to be at orientation the next morning. I drove to Arizona by myself. It was the first time I’d driven that kind of distance alone and was symbolic of me becoming independent.

I went to ASU for five semesters. I studied construction management. I always did well in high school with minimal effort. I’m one of those obnoxious individuals who brags about never studying in high school. Boy did I learn my lesson once I got to college. My grades, with zero work ethic and desire, quickly reflected my effort. It didn’t help that I soon realized I wasn’t interested in what I was studying. Construction management can be interesting, but it wasn’t for me. There’s only so much I could take learning about the strength of concrete.

Like if you get the reference

My junior year I officially dropped out of college with (of course) the intention of going back and finishing once I found my passion. I say “of course” because that’s what we all say. During school I found that I was much more interested in parties, poker, and basketball than I was in learning about safety standards of construction sites. When I stopped going to school I continued to live on campus and enjoy college life, minus the higher education part. I spent a full year couch surfing. I’m sheepish to admit now, but I look back fondly on that year. It was a year spent staying up until 5am, waking up at 1pm, sneaking into the student rec center to play basketball, getting food, finding a party, rinse/repeat. It may sound like a pathetic use of time but it’s something I think I needed to experience.

If my daughter ever reads this – not everyone needs to experience this. That’s part of why I’m writing. To show that I made mistakes and lived life a certain way. Ultimately, I can’t regret it because it eventually got me to where I am today. I have learned through my own experiences where true happiness exists. True happiness comes from serving others, giving yourself to something bigger than yourself. True happiness comes from loving others. I had to go a round-about way to learn what’s important in life. Not everyone has to make things as difficult as I made things for myself.

During my time couch surfing, I was working odd jobs here and there to have enough money for food and extra-curricular activities. I went to Utah near the end of this adventure for some “soul searching.” After “finding myself,” or not finding myself, I ended up back in Arizona working as a helpdesk tech for two companies. I went with one of those companies 3 years later when they switched offices and took over as the Systems Administrator. I now (as of 2020) work for a managed services provider supporting various companies with their technology needs.

As I write this blurb about my journey and my past, many thoughts come to mind of what I learned along the way. I might refer back to this when I need a topic to write about. Like my lack of desire studying something I wasn’t passionate about or the years spent partying and what that taught me about what I want out of life.

Faith-wise, I started falling away from the church, due to my choices, when I was 16. I always had a testimony of this restored church, of Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, and Jesus Christ. That never changed. Despite my many mistakes and many wrong decisions, I always knew it was true. When I went to ASU I lost contact with the church completely. It amazes me to look back and realize I didn’t even know where the church building/institute building/anything related to the church was on campus. It’s like I’d lost connection with that part of me.

Throughout the years I’d attempt half-heartedly to return to church. It never stuck. I was completely inactive from about 18-25. Seven long years of inactivity.

As of this year, 2020, I’ve been back at church for four years and never been happier. I hope to express through my writing the joy the gospel has brought me and share some of my experiences that can maybe help others. That’s the hope. I’ve felt drawn to writing these entries so if one person is helped it’s a major win.

And if all these hopes fail, I’ll at least be able to look back on everything I’ve written. One day I can show my daughter and she can know I always believed. She can see it wasn’t always easy. She can see life has ups and downs, but it will work out. Have faith. That makes this worth writing.

August 13, 2020
Sunday Meditation and Basketball

In November of 2019 I started meditating every morning. I’m not doing anything real impressive. I spend the first 10 minutes of every day laying on my back on the ground. I started by listening to guided meditations on YouTube. Now I have the Calm App on my phone which I highly recommend. I rotate between guided meditations and simply laying with my eyes closed, in prayer and thought. Early on I found meditation to be extremely beneficial. My days would start off right. I would be calmer and more patient with any challenge that arose throughout the day. I know this is hard to gauge and measure. Maybe I wasn’t calmer or more patient, but I felt more calm and patient. That has to be almost as good.

When I started meditating, I immediately noticed answers to prayers. Those 10 minutes have become the most important 10 minutes of my day. I look forward to that time to spend with my own thoughts and with God. It’s an opportunity to slow down and think about what I want to accomplish; in life and for that day. It’s time to stop and consider all that I have to be grateful for.

I think I’ve written about his before, but when I was coming back to church, initially a big help was basketball on weekend mornings. For years my weekends were spent out late. When I was trying to stop drinking and stop going out as much, Saturday morning (7am) basketball became critical. It was something I could look forward to. It motivated me to stay in on a Friday night so I could get up early and play. I also played Sunday mornings. They were my two favorite days every week.

Weekend Warrior

Sunday morning basketball never conflicted with church. I was in the Young Single Adult Ward which didn’t meet until 1pm. I could easily play 7am-10am and have a few hours to shower, relax, read, study, and pray before church began.

One Sunday morning I got up to play like I always did. I was walking around my room getting dressed. It was time to walk out the door to leave so I bent over to pick up my gym bag. As I started to stand up the craziest thing happened. My back completely gave out. Luckily, I was near my bed (which still resided on box springs on the floor, like I liked it) so I literally fell sideways onto my bed. I was in excruciating pain. I called my mom and she said to take some ibuprofen, the basic mom guidance stuff. I still had it in my mind that I could go play. I was 26 years old, surely, I didn’t actually throw my back out…right? I quickly realized, I did.

Me that weekend

As I laid in my bed, I wondered what to do. I loved reading my scriptures, especially Sunday mornings after basketball and before church. So, I pulled out my scriptures and continued to read where I’d left off in the book of Alma.

I remember reading the story of the sons of Mosiah that morning in Alma 17-27. I remember being struck by one thing: the sons of Mosiah were offered the kingdom. They were each individually asked to be the king of their people. They were asked to rule, to have power, to have the comforts and honors of the world given to them for the rest of their life. Instead, they chose to forsake worldly possessions and go on a mission to the Lamanites. One by one they chose to reject kingship and go to a land of people that were open about their desire to kill any Nephite that came into their presence, let alone a Nephite set to inherit the Nephite kingdom.

What inspired Ammon and his brothers, the sons of Mosiah to forsake the kingdom and instead choose to preach the gospel? They saw an angel. I can’t describe exactly what happened to me that day, studying in my bed. Something happened. I was so filled with the spirit. I felt like I was floating. It was the most uplifting and edifying scripture study I’d ever had. I grew so much that morning. I haven’t played basketball on a Sunday since. That morning, along with learning so much about the sons of Mosiah and who I wanted to be, I also learned the value of keeping the Sabbath day holy.

I don’t think basketball was the worst thing to do on a Sunday morning, far from it. I think those first few months of Sunday morning basketball had a huge impact on me and helped me stay away from activities it was important for me to stay away from at that time. That morning though, I came to a crossroad. The temptations of prior months had lessened. I was immersing myself in the scriptures and praying daily. That morning I learned how much I could gain on Sunday mornings.

I haven’t played basketball on a Sunday since that morning I threw my back out. Instead, every Sunday morning I try to pray, read, and study. My study isn’t as good as it has been in the past, I can always improve. But, staying in on Sunday, preparing for church, praying, pondering my blessings, being with my wife, has become my favorite part of every week.

In November 2019 I started meditating every morning. I meditate 7 days a week. There’s a strange phenomenon I’ve experienced during this time. I meditate every single day. But, on Sundays, something is different. I don’t meditate with the hopes of becoming emotional. I enjoy it when it happens. I enjoy feeling the spirit so strongly that, as I lay on the ground in gratitude to my Heavenly Father, tears sometimes come to my eyes. It happens every so often. What I’ve noticed is it happens mostly on Sundays.

Without fail, as I lay and meditate on Sundays, I will be moved by the grace of Jesus Christ and the love of my Heavenly Father. I will contemplate the Atonement of my Savior. I’ll consider the suffering He went through for me. I’ll think about where I’ve been and where I am now. I’ll wonder how God can love us so much.

Grace of Christ

I bear testimony that Sunday is a special day. It’s not special because it’s specifically Sunday. That’s the day we, our society, have set aside as a day to worship. It could be Monday or Friday, doesn’t matter. What matters is it’s a day for the Lord. It’s important because it’s a day set aside for God. He has given us all our days, our lives, what is one day a week in return? I know that the Sabbath day is a special day. I know it holds power. I know it gives rejuvenating strength in a world that unceasingly sucks our spiritual resolve from us throughout the week. I know it because I’ve experienced it.

I would invite everybody to spend some time every Sunday morning in prayer. I promise you will feel something special. The Sabbath day is profound. Keep it holy. It was a long journey for me to truly appreciate the power of the Sabbath. I know that we’re blessed for keeping the Sabbath holy. In the scriptures, keeping the Sabbath is said to be what separates God’s people from the world. Keep the Sabbath holy and I promise God will pour out blessings on you. I know because he has on me.

August 7, 2020
Book Review: Mamma’s Boarding House

Mamma’s Boarding House

By John D. Fitzgerald

Copyright 1958

_________________________

I think the Foreword to this book did a great job of summing up what it was all about, it read:

“There was more to the settling of the West than the battles between Cattle Barons and Sheepmen, Outlaws and Posses, White Men and Indians, Ranchers and Homesteaders which have been told in story and song over and over again.
There were other people who helped put down the roots of the West: the banker, the editor, the schoolteacher, the judge, the clergyman, the merchant, the artist, the saloonkeeper, the miner, the town drunk and the town bully.
This is their story.”

I read a lot of nonfiction so mixing in some fiction is always a nice change of pace. This was a perfect book for that purpose. A story shooting (pun intended?) back into a time I don’t know from personal experience but can relate to in all the cowboys v. natives fights I setup with my toys growing up.

I feel like the world has become increasingly fascinated by extreme fantasy – dragons and magic; or space travel – spaceships, aliens, and inter-galactic battles; or superheroes – Marvel and DC. I think one of the greatest tragedies of this transition is kids not growing up with a fascination of something that really happened, here in the United States, in the last century. Like I alluded to already, gun slinging bandits only slowed down by gun toting sheriffs – that was my favorite imaginary time as a kid. I loved the idea of a bandit coming into town to rob the corner store and another gun wielder being the only defense.

This book took me right back into my old imagination. A town where guns are on most hips as a matter of protection. The value in this book was the story telling from the perspective of a young man growing up in an early western settlement in Utah. If you enjoy the western theme, I think this is a great book for you.

This book is the sequel to another book: Papa Married a Mormon, with a third in the series titled: Uncle Will and the Fitzgerald Curse. I haven’t read Papa Married a Mormon but stumbled upon it in my collection of soon to be read books, so will read it soon. I didn’t get the feeling I was missing much having not read the first book. The story made complete sense to me and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The book is 241 pages but is a quick and easy read. I would recommend it to anyone, especially anyone who enjoys the Western theme.

July 30, 2020
Greyhound
I don’t intend to start reviewing movies, but I thought this was worth it for a few reasons:
1. Seems to be getting some hype as Apple TV’s shake up to the streaming game.
2. I enjoy historical movies more and more as I get older and more boring.
3. Tom
4. Hanks
5. Faith element
6. Bad Germans
Tom Hanks is the captain now, right where he belongs.

I’m not going to do research into the truth of this movie or the historical accuracy, it was good, I liked it, leave it at that. I may get the book and read it at some point.

Midway through I said to Beth, I can already hear the navy nerds, “That is NOT how that happens!”

Doesn’t matter. It felt real to me. It felt like I was on a Destroyer, it felt suspenseful, it was a good movie. Also, it had Tom Hanks. Does anybody truly dislike Tom Hanks? If you do, please let me know.

My favorite part of the whole movie, and I truly don’t mean this as an insult to the movie, the runtime. A short, blissful, 1 hour and 30 minutes. Beth and I have high hopes that the trend of 2 hour plus movies will go extinct and we can get back to a less ridiculous 70-90 minute timeline.

Do you ever think back to why we (my generation) loved original Disney movies so much? They were never much longer than an hour. As it should be.

Another refreshing part of this movie was the faith element. I don’t remember the last time I saw a movie that depicted a strong man who relied on faith. Tom Hanks’s character is clearly depicted as a man of faith.

Maybe that’s why I loved the movie so much. In some small way I felt myself taken back to a time where the world didn’t shun God so aggressively. In fact, that was a time where faith was all people had as the world was at war and people had true fear about what future their children would grow up in.

There was the added element of bad Germans. Life is rarely as simplified as movies make it, but the man of faith vs cliché heartless German bad guys made it even easier to root for the good guys.

If you like Tom Hanks check out this movie.

If you liked Dunkirk, this was very different, but obviously has the similar sea-themed war movie dynamic. I really liked it. It kept me engaged throughout. It was suspenseful, very enjoyable.

Did I mention it was 90 minutes? So, if you do hate it, go watch a one hour episode of anything else stupid that you can stream and then realize, ‘huh, at least I feel like I learned something about an important part of our history instead of about a meth-head who likes tigers.’ Let some good stuff get in your system every once in a while. This movie was good stuff.
July 23, 2020
Jonah and the Whale

Answer to prayer – but not what you expect!

One of the most spiritual experiences I ever had, referenced in the post You Sent a Dog to Comfort a Boy, happened in the basement of my Aunt and Uncle’s home. Go read the post to get some back story on why I was there, ie soul searching.

During that trip, by some coincidence, my cousin had his farewell to go on his mission. I went to the farewell and I felt stuff. I felt an urge. I felt guidance. I came to Utah to search my soul and here it was.

That night I went back to the bedroom I’d been staying in. With just Bengie (my aunt, uncle, and cousin’s dog) in the room I knelt, and I prayed. I prayed like I hadn’t in so long. I asked what I was supposed to do.

Have you heard the story of Jonah and the whale? For those who don’t know, the Bible tells us that Jonah, a prophet of God, was commanded to go to Nineveh to prophesy to its inhabitants. He was to command them to repent and preach of their forthcoming destruction if they refused. Nineveh was described as a scary place. It was a near certainty Jonah would be murdered upon telling the inhabitants of their wickedness.

I always heard that story and couldn’t imagine, couldn’t comprehend. GOD told Jonah to do something. If God tells you to do something – you do it! It doesn’t matter how afraid you are or how scary it is. You DO WHAT GOD COMMANDS. Especially when it’s that clear. If God told you to do something, you would listen, wouldn’t you?

That’s what I always thought.

That night in the basement I asked what I should do next with my life. The answer couldn’t have been clearer if an angel appeared in the room and said it to my face. I knew. I needed to go on a mission. I can’t stress this enough. I knew what I was supposed to do.

Then the doubts. “I can’t go on a mission. Where would I even begin? I have so much to repent of. I don’t even know who to go to” were my thoughts. Also, I would have to give a GOING AWAY speech like I just watched my cousin give that very day. Out of the question. The thought of getting up in church and giving a talk was enough to make me feel sick. I couldn’t do it. I was too afraid. On top of that I had big plans in the coming weeks. It was my friend’s birthday and we had partying to do. You know, the important stuff. I couldn’t repent NOW.

In the story of Jonah he gets on a ship to run away (From God- I know, crazy). But here I was, running away from God. I pretended like I didn’t know the answer to my prayer, but I knew. I ran. I ran away.

I didn’t get swallowed by a whale. Instead I moved on, distracted and forgetting.

After Jonah’s whale incident, he finally agrees to do what God asked of him. He was spit up on the shore of Nineveh and followed what God asked him to do.

I think in a way, the few years after that moment in the basement, I was figuratively in a storm and swallowed by a whale. Not for three days but for four years. Eventually God had the whale spit me back up on shore.

You’d think I missed my chance, right? I never went on a mission. For a long time I thought I could never be forgiven for ignoring God. Then I got my patriarchal blessing. In it I am told to trouble myself not over lost days. I can’t explain in words the comfort that simple phrase gave to me.

Back to Jonah. He ignored God. Yet still, somehow, God used Jonah’s mistakes to bring about His work. I don’t know how God makes up for our mistakes. It recently occurred to me that in that basement I gave the first sincere prayer in a long time. Then I ignored God. I showed a modicum of faith followed by an excess of fear. After that I found a job in Arizona, I settled down, and have been here in Arizona ever since. Then I returned to church. Now I’m here, writing to you, hopefully you’ve stuck with me this far.

It’s so much better to do what God asks the first time. I think we avoid a lot of heartache if we do. But never forget – trouble yourself not over lost days. God will have you spit up on shore when you’re ready. When you’re really ready to trust in Him. It took me some time. Somehow, He accepted that. Somehow, He waited. I’m not saying I’ll ever fully make up for disobedience, not sure exactly how that works. But I know that Christ will forgive me because He loves me. There is no greater comfort than that.

July 17, 2020