No Coincidences

Author: Brayden Quackenbush

  • Wedding

    Wedding

    I don’t think many of my posts will be as similar to a journal entry as this one.  I have many topics I want to touch on that I’ve thought a long time about writing about.  This topic is very current and happening in my life.  Therefore, I want to write about it now, while it holds so much significance.

    I’m getting married in 19 days.  I don’t want to write about the stress of it and all that because really, who cares?  (Oh, by the way, if my fiancé asks, I CARE!)

    I want to talk about certain reactions I’ve gotten to getting married soon.  On multiple occasions this conversation has happened:

    “So, the wedding is coming up, how are you feeling?”

    Me – “Nervous, just want to get it over with.”

    “Yeah, having second thoughts?”

    Me – “Uhm..no.  Just nervous about the day and the event and the planning and making sure it all goes right for her. “

    I’ve had that reaction from multiple different people.  Why is their first thought always that I’m having second thoughts about it?  It’s scary and it’s a big commitment but I’m marrying my best friend.  The most kind, beautiful, loving, patient, understanding, smart person I’ve ever met.  When I go to work I wish she could come with me.  When I play basketball, I want her to be there, watching.  When she is doing something so mundane, it becomes bearable because I’m with her.  Yes, I’m scared and nervous.  That mostly comes from wanting to never disappoint her.  The truth is, I’m not that worried about her.  She’s going to be the most amazing wife there ever was.  I’m more worried about being the husband she deserves.

    Here’s the test. Can I write a short entry… looks like no.  I must now get into the bigger, societal implications of these responses from other married and single men. Why is this the reaction? The issue is that we think marriage is disposable and love is something you can fall out of. 

    I will begin to tread lightly at this point because I am far from a master of love.  In fact, if you don’t want to risk getting bad advice, you may want to just tune out now.  Or better yet, go back to where I almost concluded and just think, ‘huh, nice post,’ and move on to the next one. 

    If I’ve learned something from my parents, as I’ve gotten older, it’s that marriage isn’t easy.  As a child, I was blissfully unaware of any marital unrest.  Now, I see tension and issues more clearly.  That being said, my parents are the most amazing example of love I’ve ever seen.  I understand how blessed I am to have an example of love so close to me.  They are best friends.  My dad doesn’t want to do anything without my mom.  I’ve always seen that, and it’s had a profound impact on me.

    As I got older I realized more how hard it is.  It’s not easy for my parents; it’s not easy for anyone.  Feelings get hurt.  That person starts chewing REALLY loud.  They tell the same story over and over.  But love isn’t something that falls away.  It’s a choice.  You choose to put your feelings aside because you hope they didn’t mean to hurt you, you accept their loud chewing, you act like it’s the first time you’ve heard that same, stupid story.

    Our Bishop gave us one piece of advice I hope I never forget.  He said, “If you both try your hardest, always to make the other happy, you’ll have the happiest marriage in the world.”  Of course, that’s easier said than done.  My fiancé and I have already run into how tenuous a concept that can be (maybe a post for another day).  But we’re trying.  And I love her.  I wish I could exhibit as much love to her as she deserves. Right now I know I’m not.  Over time, I plan to become better and I plan to love her the way she deserves.  I know today I’m not close to the husband she deserves.  I hope to one day be.

    Marriage isn’t something to throw away when it gets stale.  It’s something to preserve and fight for.  Marriages until death do you part are great, but I am so excited to be married for time and all eternity.  I can’t imagine the work I’m about to put into this relationship to love it and let it grow and flourish into a connection welded in steel, for it to be over once this life is over.  “They twain (separate, apart) shall be one flesh” (Mark 10:8).

    I’ll conclude with a quote from a book I loved,

    “To me marriage must be eternal!  How could it be otherwise when two grow together and become as one?  Death can not separate them without destroying; they are no longer two perfect beings, but one in soul and spirit forever.”

    Rebecca Ruter Springer (My Dream of Heaven)
  • Fear

    Fear

    I was reading Jacob chapter 4 in the Book of Mormon recently and something struck me.  One small statement in one verse:

    “Behold, my beloved brethren, I will unfold this mystery unto you; if I do not, by any means, get shaken from my firmness in the Spirit, and stumble because of my over anxiety for you.”

    Let me repeat that…

    “…if I do not, by any means, get shaken from my firmness in the Spirit, and stumble because of my over anxiety for you.”

    How could Jacob, the great prophet and brother of Nephi, be shaken from his firmness in the Spirit?  He says right there at the end – anxiety for you.

    I’d like to expound upon an emotion that can really and truly harm us – fear.

    Jacob is clear with this statement. Fear can shake us from the Spirit, from revelation, from God. 

    Fear is a tool of Satan.  I feel a need to write this right now.  The world is increasingly fearful.  At this moment, amid this virus, fear is rampant.  Satan reigns. The Earth is his kingdom.  He has put fear into the hearts of almost all men and women.

    We see it everywhere.  Just look at the empty shelves in the grocery store.

    What other examples of fear do we have in scripture?

    There was Moses with the Israelites at the Red Sea with Pharaoh bearing down on them.  The Israelites feared and Moses told them, “Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, The Lord shall fight for you.”  The Lord then spoke to Moses, “Speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.”

    There was Alma the Younger as told in the Book of Mormon. He was gripped by fear and despair.  He thought of that one name, that one being that could save him. Jesus Christ.  Immediately, he was released from his despair.

    Satan immediately attacked Moses after his great vision of eternity.  Moses 1:20 reads,

    “And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear he saw the bitterness of hell.  NEVERTHELESS, calling upon God, he received strength.”

    Finally, there was Joseph Smith in a quiet, peaceful grove.  Satan came for him and he feared.  But Joseph fought and called upon God.  As the light of God and Jesus Christ descended upon Joseph the darkness retreated.

    Notice the pattern here.  Satan has a tendency to attack before great things are to happen.  So, when you feel that fear and it feels like the jaws of hell are opening to overtake you, and you just can’t take anymore because it has become too much to bear, remember the light that will follow.  Once Satan starts his all-out attack we will know the earth-shattering miracles are coming.  Satan is attacking.  Light is coming.

    I feel it’s important for us to keep our hope.  Recently, amidst all this craziness, I had a moment of fear.  My heart was beating and I was worrying about the future.  Then I stopped.  I reminded myself that I have known these sorts of events were coming.  I’ve been blessed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ to know that these events have been foretold for thousands of years.  I’m not saying this is the end. But if it were, what does that mean?  It means Christ is coming back. 

    DO NOT let fear overtake you.  Whatever point in history we’re at, whatever is next, we know we’ll be okay.  We know it will work out the way God intends. What a comfort that is.

    Fear is of Satan, not of God.  If we let fear overtake us, we are letting Satan overtake us.

    Even if a gun is to your head, take comfort.  Because of Christ’s eternal atonement and sacrifice you can always take comfort.  The worst case is you return to your Maker and see your Savior.  In these times, don’t forget the most important thing.  Don’t forget Him. Don’t deny Him.  Christ never denied you.  The WORST thing that could happen is going home to Him.  Is that really the worst thing?  Take comfort, and fight fear.  Don’t let Satan win your heart.  Now, more than ever, we must be strong, faithful, and keep hope.  Keep Christ in your heart.  When that fear intrudes, kneel and pray. 

    You will feel Him and fear will leave.  I promise.

    Fear not, the Lord fights for you.  Move forward with faith.  Look to Christ as your salvation.  Call upon God and you will receive strength.

    ___________

    There’s a comment section below. I’d really like to hear from you. Please leave any thoughts, input, or experiences. If you liked it, please feel free to share. Thanks!

  • The Inspiration

    The inspiration:  Where to begin…

    So, here we are.  I’m writing a blog.  Who am I writing to?  Is this like a journal entry?  I guess I’m writing in first person, so here we go.

    A little back story, I am not a writer.  I like writing. I really enjoy writing. And boy, do I feel I have some thoughts to share!  Will anyone else want to read my thoughts?  Not sure.  Thoughts are like your own new toy. Will anyone else appreciate it as much as you do given they won’t get to spend as much time with it as you?  I’ve thought about doing this for a long time, if simply to get the jumble of constant thoughts out of my head. And maybe, just maybe, put it somewhere for others to enjoy, or at least gain something from.

    I’m going to go deep on this “why I’m writing a blog,” so get ready.

    Three years ago, I started reading a book.  The book is called Visions of Glory by John Pontius.  This book had come into my possession through a sequence of events that I consider a miracle to this day.  Though small and seemingly not that crazy, these events led me to a book, and that book changed my life. 

    My mom was at my grandparents’ house.  My mother is adamant that she needs a television to fall asleep to.  She literally doesn’t sleep without tv.  Which is why this night at my grandparents’ home, she was not sleeping.  There was no television in the bedroom. The HORROR!  She noticed a book on the bedside table.  She picked it up, she read the introduction.  She was so intrigued by this book that the next day she promptly contacted me and said she was sending me the book because she’d never have time to read it but knew I would.

    Fun fact – this wasn’t my mom’s book. She stole it.  It was my Aunt Laura’s book that she’d given to my grandmother.  She may have let them know she was taking the book. I don’t know. The details are fuzzy. 

    Anyway, now I have this book (just a heads up- get used to the story bouncing all over the place. Sorry, I can’t change the way my mind functions). Nothing extraordinary.  Just a book.  I started reading.  Almost immediately, I had to put it down and put it somewhere I couldn’t see it.  You see, I was going to Mexico in a couple weeks.  I’m talking MEXICO, Mexico.  Like, beer all day, I’ll just leave it at that.  But this trip had been planned.  I think 9 of us were going and it was going to be a party.

    As I started reading the book, I knew what was happening.  Something inside me was stirring awake.  This couldn’t happen now, Mexico was waiting.  I hid the book.  I went to Mexico.  But something was different.  I wasn’t the same.  It would have been the best party week of my life. All the ingredients were there but I don’t think I even enjoyed it.

    I came home and I started reading.  One memorable moment or “coincidence”, as I’ll refer to it, was reading about addiction.  The book discussed how people couldn’t feel the spirit or progress when they were dulling their feelings with liquor or drugs.  That’s what I’d been doing for years.  As I was reading, I was suddenly starving. I’d been reading outside, on my balcony, so I went inside to make a pizza.  My roommate Chris was watching a sports show and, for some completely random reason, Danny Trejo was being interviewed.  He was talking about the day he quit alcohol and drugs.  He met with a therapist and the therapist said he couldn’t be who he wanted to be until he gave up his vices.  I went outside and continued to read.  I cried.  Then, like any normal Friday night, I poured myself some scotch and started playing cards with Chris. 

    Let me be clear. To this day I claim I never wasted an ounce of alcohol.  One time in college, we had tons of leftover beer from a game we played.  The beer was in open cups and I put them in the fridge and drank them over the next few days.  You want to talk about the most disgusting, kind of pathetic, but also (just going to say it) a bit admirable thing that’s ever been done? It was that.

    So, I drank some of the scotch and I wasn’t feeling it.  No problem. I opened a beer.  I will never forget the moment I realized, “I don’t want this.”  I was someone who never wasted a drop.  I binge drank at least 2 days a week.  On weekdays, I’d drink enough to be sick in the morning but still able to go to work.  I had a problem I never wanted to admit.  It was a constant fear of mine that I’d never stop.  I’m sure if I continued the way I was going, I would slowly poison my body to death.

    That day I drank half a beer and decided, I don’t want this.  I poured it out.  Four years ago – almost exactly four years ago-I had my last sip of alcohol.  I didn’t know that would be the last sip, but it was.  When I say that book saved my life, what I mean is that God and Jesus Christ put that book in my life, and I fought it (see: MEXICO).  I felt the change, and I fought it.  I read the book and my spirit cried out.  I cried out.  God and Jesus Christ never gave up on me.

    The next week I decided I wanted to go to church.  I was scared.  I didn’t know where to start.  “I CAN’T DO THIS.”  A postcard came in the mail.  It’s been four years and as I write this I’m still overwhelmed with emotion.  I have to fight back tears when I think of the moment that I received that postcard.

    It was from a dear friend.  She was not raised in the church but had been baptized years prior.  We had kept in contact throughout my years of debauchery.  We were close friends.  When I’d visit home, I could see she remembered when I had some moral compass I seemingly no longer had.  She remembered when I didn’t drink.  She remembered when I carried more light.  Every time I’d see her she’d ask when I was going back to church.  Every time I saw her she’d ask when I was going to stop drinking.  Every time I brushed her off and made her change the subject.  She was persistent, I was stubborn. 

    As I so desired to go back to church but didn’t know where to start, I got a postcard in the mail.  I’d never received a postcard from her before and haven’t since.  She was in Oregon for some reason.  The postcard read,

    “Hey Quackenbush!  I thought a random postcard was just the ticket to keep this like 8 year relationship functioning. LOL Did you watch any conference?  I liked Elder Hallstrom’s. How’s life?  Still working your way up the corporate ladder?  Did you watch Finding Carter to the end?  Did you know your father in Heaven loves you?  Did you know I do too? : )”

    …..

    I called her that night.  I told her I wanted to go back to church.  The whirlwind that ensued was astonishing.  It was like she’d been waiting for this moment for years. I guess she had.  If she had a checklist of steps to take for when she received this call, I wouldn’t be surprised.  Next thing I know I was a member of a Facebook page called Scottsdale YSA Ward Events.  I had my new Bishop’s phone number and an appointment for the next week.  I had an address and time to be at church that Sunday.  I think I told her I wasn’t ready to meet the Bishop.  She cancelled the meeting and said she highly recommended I see him soon.   

    That Sunday I went to church.  I’d tried going to church over the past few years.  I’d had missionaries over to my house a few times.  It just never stuck.  Chris went with me since I told him I was too afraid to go alone.  At church that day something monumental occurred.  A guy sitting in front of me turned around and asked me if I played basketball.  He said he was starting in a league and asked if I wanted to join his team.  He knew nothing about me.  He didn’t even know if I could dribble.  That guy ended up being the Elders Quorum President at the time and he changed my life.  Many people those first couple months had an impact on my life that they, and myself, don’t completely understand yet.  I look forward to looking back on those months in every detail and being able to thank those individuals. 

    Why am I writing a blog?

    I guess because I feel I have a lot to say?  The real, final push came from another blog.  UnBlog my Soul was a blog started by John Pontius.  The man I never met, but the man who changed my life forever.  He passed away in 2012, yet his words continue to impact me.  I believe after his death his wife continued his blog in his honor.  I recently was on the website and saw that she was closing shop.  No more new posts on UnBlog my Soul.  Why?  Because she wanted others to start blogs.  Others to impact lives.  Others to tell their stories. 

    It seemed fitting that the wife of the man that brought me back to Christ, was telling me to do something I’d felt prompted to do for years.  Now I’m writing a blog.  It will have a lot of stories.  It will have a lot of thoughts.  Some will (hopefully) be short.  Many will be long, confusing trains of thought.  As you might be able to tell, there will be strong religious tones to my writing.  Input is welcomed, critical and otherwise.  The spirit works in miraculous ways.  I know that from personal experience.  Hopefully this is meant to help just one person.  For the worth of souls is great in the sight of the Lord.  And if you cry repentance all your life and bring one soul unto Him how great shall be your joy with him in the home of our Father?  How great will be my joy with John Pontius, that elder’s quorum president, that friend that never gave up on me, and Jesus Christ.

    Edit 12/19/21- Please see Why “No Coincidences” for an update on why I continue to do this blog. It’s not easy writing every day and sharing every week. That is why I do it. Thank you for reading.