No Coincidences

Tag: addiction

  • Addiction, Freedom, and Satan

    Addiction, Freedom, and Satan

    The title of this post makes pretty clear where this is headed.

    I recently listened to a “Public Service Announcement” at the end of a Hidden Brain podcast episode about resolutions. The podcast had someone on their staff record a message that he would like to share with youth about smoking. Today the dangers of smoking are well documented. Luckily, for children nowadays and future generations, the campaign against smoking has been pretty successful. People definitely aren’t smoking like they were a couple decades ago. But people still smoke. It kind of blows my mind. I’ve written about it before HERE. I can’t emphasize this enough: it blows my mind that people still smoke cigarettes. It makes no sense to me.

    In listening to the long anecdotal PSA about smoking, many thoughts came to mind. Thoughts about the power of this addiction, the power of Satan, and why I’m grateful I never got sucked into that dark habit.

    He started by talking about his Great Aunt who he stole cigarettes from when he started smoking at age 14.

    “My parents and aunts and uncles used to tell us kids when we were little to ask Aunt Do to quit. They thought kids would be more persuasive than they were. I remember one time after nudging, ‘Aunt Do, you shouldn’t smoke,’ she replied, ‘I know honey, but when I think about quitting, I get stressed, and when I get stressed, I smoke more.’

    Loss of control.

    He continued, “Having smoked more than 10 years myself I know how she felt. But smoking clearly cut her life short. It’s a fact that, well, I’m ashamed to admit, hasn’t discouraged my own smoking. The thing is, death is too abstract, lung cancer too far off, and the risk of heart attack too uncertain.”

    Short-term reward versus long-term looking. The world today doesn’t think about 10 years from now, let alone eternity.

    “I’m sure Aunt Do knew, like I do, the risks. That smoking kills little cilia that clean the air for your lungs. That it cuts off the blood flow from to your gums causing your teeth to rot from the inside. That it causes plaque to build up in your arteries leading to stroke and heart attack. A doctor once told me on his smoke break that I just needed to quit before I was 35 and my body could still recover. I’m not sure he was right. I can already hear my laugh sometimes turn into a cough like Aunt Do’s did. But by his measure, I probably have another 10 good years of smoking in front of me. I’m only 25.”

    What is truth?

    “But if you’re 14 and thinking about having your first cigarette, I’m quitting now, and here’s why. Smoking really sucks. Not just when you’re 60 or 70 or 80 if you’re lucky. It sucks when you’re 16, when you’re 20, when you’re 25. Today I can’t run as fast or as far as a nonsmoker. I spend more money on cigarettes than I’d like to think about. But the worst of it are the cravings that come like clockwork even when I’m sleeping.”

    The pull of smoking is extraordinary. He’s going to talk about this more. Visions of Glory talks about individuals who leave this life so addicted to smoking that they continue to linger around this world with the desire to get one more hit of a cigarette. Before you think that’s absurd and completely outlandish and just can’t be true, stop, and think. Do you know anyone so addicted to smoking that when they die it might be the first thing they miss, having a body and the ability to smoke a cigarette? It’s not outlandish to me at all.

    “When you don’t smoke, here’s what you should know. When you’re a smoker life is lived around cigarettes. You’ll be laughing with friends at dinner or totally engrossed in a good book and something will tug at you. And as much as you want to stay in this moment, you’ll be thinking about a cigarette. So, you’ll get up, walk outside, and light up. And it will feel really good. But you’ll wish you were back inside, and you’ll be so tired of trading off these moments for a smoke.”

    More loss of control.

    “If you don’t smoke, you should know that smoking makes a prison out of completely normal situations.”

    Reading his words just made me think about, and appreciate (in a negative way), how powerful Satan is on this earth. He has so much control over individuals through the habits he perpetuates. Of course, the world never looks at it like this. The world says, “I want to smoke so I will” or “I enjoy coffee,” never admitting that they are controlled by these cravings. So many people in this world are contained in prisons of their own choosing.

    “Long flights, concerts, class, anything that lasts longer than a couple hours. These are your enemy, as a smoker. And any time you go on a date, or to a job interview, or to your grandparents’ house, it will be accompanied by a pang of worry. You’ll wash your hands and pull your shirt to your nose and hope they can’t smell smoke. Finally, if you don’t smoke, you should know how hard it is to quit. How much you’ll want to, and fail, to give it up. I’m going to quit on January 1st and to be honest, I’m sad about losing something that’s been a part of my life for so long.”

    How powerful is this poison? So powerful that after describing all the ways smoking is horrible and describing it as “making a prison out of completely normal situations,” he still admits that he’s sad about losing it. This is what I already mentioned. The world says, “I want to smoke,” because admitting you’re a slave to something is much worse.

    “And in the coming weeks without a cigarette, I know the cravings will find a way to twist my reasons for quitting into reasons why I can still smoke. This is the most baffling part of smoking. The way it hijacks your best intentions.”

    “Hijacks your best intentions.” Takes away your control. Takes away your agency.

    “I’ve heard that quitting is the hardest thing a smoker ever does. But also, that whatever pain is meted out in the coming weeks will be totally worth it. Because to be a nonsmoker means to be free to go anywhere and to do anything unencumbered. It means being able to be fully present in each moment if I choose. And so the next time I get on a long flight, or go out to dinner with friends, or see a movie, I won’t be plotting my next cigarette.”

    Quitting is hard. The pain meted out.

    Followed by.

    Worth it. Free. Unencumbered. Fully present.

    It’s striking to me that if any smoker put together a pros and cons of smoking vs nonsmoking the answer would be so obvious. This is exactly what this person was saying. His best intentions are hijacked, he’s in a prison, he can’t think straight when it comes to this addictive poison. Addiction really comes down to one thing. It’s the same thing that was fought over in Heaven before we came here. That one thing is agency, our freedom to choose, our choice. Of course, a smoker always has the choice to quit. All drug addicts have the choice to quit. How many people have we seen incapable of making that choice, no matter how destructive those substances are?

    The same war Satan waged in Heaven, he continues today. He wants to take our agency. He does so through all the tools of the world at his disposal. Those tools include cigarettes, alcohol, other drugs, sports, television, pornography, internet. There are so many addictions out there. This is the war Satan fights with us. He fights to take away our choice. He fights to make us think we have no choice because we need that thing that badly.

    Having spent a large portion of my life addicted, and having that feeling of having no control over what I really want to do, I can now look at this with somewhat of an outside perspective. I’m still fighting some addictions. It’s still a daily struggle choosing good things over mindless things. It’s still a choice every day to use my time to the best of my ability.

    Addiction is powerful and I feel sympathy for anyone caught in its thralls. There is hope, there is choice, there is a way to get away from addiction. We always need help. The power put into addiction from Satan, we need equal power on the other side to be able to conquer our natural inclinations. That power exists. If we turn to that power, to God, and to Christ, who feels and knows all our addictions and how hard it can be, we gain the ultimate reward: freedom.

    Ultimately Christ wants us to be free. That is the battle being fought. We just need to use all our willpower possible to align ourselves with the right, and winning, side. And then we are free.

  • Dreams and Temptations

    Dreams and Temptations

    I’ve long been fascinated by dreams. For the last six years I’ve written down every night-time dream I can remember in the morning. They are in multiple notes in my phone and at this point make up tens of thousands of words. Dreams have even turned into some blog posts.

    Through writing down so many of my dreams, I’ve been able to clearly see the themes that repeat themselves.

    What feels like many years ago now, even though it’s only been seven, I cold turkey’d a lot of bad and immoral habits. These things that used to weigh me down mercilessly have stayed consistently in my dreams ever since.

    I was pondering on why this was recently. Why is it that nearly, I don’t know, 15-20% of my dreams, if I had to guess, have the theme of drinking alcohol and regretting it in them?

    As with all things, I believe there are no coincidences with God. God wouldn’t give us this powerful memory/experience in our minds at night if there wasn’t some purpose. Of course, I believe that God can speak to us in dreams. I believe He has before to me. For me personally, through this introspective exercise, I came to appreciate the powerful effect dreams have had on me.

    In the book The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, I read,

    “What is temptation?… It is the energy through which your soul is given the gracious opportunity to have a dry run at a life lesson, at a situation that, if you can see clearly, can be removed and healed within the confines of your private world of energy and not spill into a larger energy field of other souls. Temptation is a dress rehearsal for a karmic experience of negativity.

    “The entire dynamic of temptation is the compassionate way of allowing you to see your potential pitfalls, and cleanse yourself before you can affect the lives of others… As you respond to the decoy, you cleanse yourself by becoming aware and not having to actually live through the experience.”

    This perfectly describes how I’ve come to feel about my dreams. They are dry runs.

    The most common temptation theme in my dreams is drinking alcohol. There are many dreams I have of either trying to avoid drinking alcohol or actually giving in. I haven’t experienced a hangover in a long time. After one of these dreams, while I don’t feel the ill physical effects I would if I actually drank, I do feel the guilt of having given into temptation.

    When I wake up from one of these dreams, I can feel how I’d feel if I gave in. I wake up feeling how disappointed in myself I am. I wake up thinking, “Seven years, seven years of not touching it and now I’m basically starting over.” I wake up feeling that real feeling of guilt. There is power in this, I’ve learned. I haven’t come head on with this temptation in years. Meaning, I haven’t seriously considered drinking alcohol in a long, long time. I haven’t been in a bar, no one has offered me a drink. But, because of these dreams, I can know how I would feel if I did give in, and I can know I don’t want to feel that. I can remember, because of these dreams, that a night of drinking would not be worth the disappointment in the morning. And that’s to say nothing of the hangover!

    This is not the only temptation I face in dreams. There are others. Because of these dreams, I can know with surety there are things I don’t want to do. If there is any doubt or weak part of my soul that considers doing something terrible, I have the dreams to remind me how terrible some of those actions are and the guilt I don’t want to feel.

    Pretty amazing, really. What a protection these dreams have become to me. As Gary Zukav said in his book, “How exquisite is temptation.”

    I wonder if others have had this sort of experience with their dreams? I wonder if this is unique to me. Maybe it’s some divine protection God has given me. If that’s the case, I’m so grateful for this protection.

  • Cigarettes, Coffee, Alcohol

    Cigarettes, Coffee, Alcohol

    Imagine if someone walked up to you, handed you a small stick, and said, “Here, put this in your mouth and inhale. You’ll need to do this every day from now on or else you’ll be irritable and unhappy. You have to do it outside because most people HATE the smell. Also, that smell will linger on your clothes and hair all the time, and again, people hate it. Oh, and it’s going to kill you.”

    Can you imagine ever getting near that thing? Who would take it? It blows my mind that people still smoke.

    Here’s another one, someone walks up to you and hands you a cup, “Drink this. It’s a dark hot liquid that people have convinced themselves tastes good. You’ll need this every morning for the rest of your life or else you won’t be able to function or concentrate in the morning or throughout the day. You’ll need more and more of it as you become dependent on it. First, you’ll only need one cup in the morning. Then you’ll need one in the afternoon. Then you might need two or three cups just to get through the morning and 5-6 cups to get through the day.”

    Who would drink that?

    Here’s another one, someone walks up to you and gives you a big cup, “Drink this. It will taste horrible, it will burn your throat. Then you’ll start to feel woozy and exhilarated. It will last a short time and then you’ll feel like crap. Drink more and your brain will shut down. The next day you will feel worse than you’ve ever felt. You’ll feel like your insides are melting, and they kind of are. What you were drinking was poison. There’s a chance you’ll become dependent on this drink and it will be the only way your brain can feel like it’s having a good time. You’ll need more and more to feel that exhilaration you had the first time, causing you to slowly poison yourself to death.”

    Who would drink that?

    I could go on and on.

    I’m grateful for the word of wisdom. I’m grateful that I got to figure out for myself that I don’t like being addicted to substances. I admire those who never have to find out, and encourage them with all my heart to keep it that way. I’m grateful that I survived some of my addictions.

    I’m grateful for who helped me get through some addictions. Hint – He’s the same person who has given me everything.

  • Pornography

    Pornography

    This topic, unfortunately, becomes more and more prevalent, and more and more of an issue for us today.  It’s come up so many times, I’ve heard it so many times, and it’s such an issue that I felt I should share some thoughts on this uncomfortable subject.

    I believe I was 12 when my parents had “the talk” with me.  It still stands out as undoubtedly one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.  I wonder if most people remember that talk.

    It’s a joke between Beth and I that I won’t have any part of the talk when it comes time for my kids to have it.  Of course, I’ll have to be there… I think.  Back turned.  Pretending like it’s not happening.  Preferably at a couch watching TV while it happens behind me in the kitchen, just like my dad did it.

    I don’t like talking about any of that stuff.  This expands to a lot of areas.  I used to joke constantly with Beth that I wouldn’t be in the delivery room.  Of course, I was there.  I wasn’t as uncomfortable as I anticipated.  Maybe I’m getting older or something, or potentially the life-altering magnitude of the moment got to me, who knows. 

    This is why I’m shocked, myself, that I’m writing down these thoughts.  Maybe I’ll even share them.  I’m writing them because I think I have a perspective to share that could maybe help others.  I think I’m writing it because I believe it might be good to talk about these things more, as much as I hate it.  There’s some power in putting uncomfortable topics out in the open.

    Pornography is a plague that is killing young boys, adolescents, teenagers, and adults.  It is destroying boys and men alike.  Lust is an extraordinarily powerful tool for Satan to use.  I am emphasizing males.  I don’t do this to imply females have zero trouble with this topic.  They do.  I focus on males because I think it’s obvious that it’s a bigger issue for males than females.

    Beth and I have had some candid discussions about the differences between men and women.  Beth has been a firm believer in the idea that men must control their minds and it’s not a woman’s responsibility to control a man’s mind by dressing modestly, etc.  I think I’ve opened Beth’s mind a bit to how different boys/men are to girls/women.  On that note, I think Beth has learned how difficult it is to be a boy.  Especially a teenage boy, nowadays.  The hormones of a teenage boy are a force to be reckoned with. 

    Now, this is in no way a post about how guys don’t need to control their thoughts or what’s in their pants.  The exact opposite, actually.  I should start by saying this:  every man is capable of controlling themselves.  I have friends who have gone from struggling mightily with pornography to going a year without viewing anything.  It is possible.  Not only is it possible, it’s liberating, it’s empowering.  You can learn that no part of your body controls you.  Your mind and soul control you.  Once you realize this truth, unlimited power, your mind, is at your disposal. 

    There is never an excuse to let your mind wander and start to misuse women, even in our thoughts.  Christ spoke of this often (Matthew 5:28).

    However, I want to note and emphasize how difficult it is for our young men growing up today.  How difficult it is to be a teenage boy.  Again, I don’t write this to excuse the behavior.  I write this, in part, for every woman that judges a man without having any comprehension of what it’s like to be a man.  The difficulty of being a man is multiplied ten-fold for teenage boys.

    There needs to be some patience and understanding from women about men.  There are so many things we (men) have no clue about women.  The same can be said for women understanding men.  The simple fact is many women have no idea what it’s like to be a man.

    Temptation is everywhere.  Any billboard, movie, tv show, commercial, picture, image on the internet, person on the street, app on a phone, song lyric, the list goes on, can trigger immoral thoughts.  Often mundane and only slightly sexual things in nature can lead to instant feelings of temptation and immoral thinking.  We as men are programmed with this gift and curse.  Gift because it can lead to a love, respect, admiration, desire, etc. for women.  Curse for the other obvious reasons.  As Boyd K. Packer said to all young men, “Your body is the instrument of your mind and the foundation of your character.  It has within it powers which, if properly used, will contribute greatly to your exaltation.  If you use this gift worthily, it will serve you throughout all eternity.”

    The challenge for teenage boys is feeling ashamed of these things.  Once too much shame sets in, young boys will naturally resort to privately giving into temptations, and then feel dirty and wrong when they do it.  It is wrong.  But the dirty part is tricky, because it’s a part of us.  It’s something that needs work to control.  The most important thing is to always come back to Heavenly Father and always try to be better.  The worst thing that can happen is a young boy turning inward and feeling overwhelming guilt, shame, and embarrassment about these urges.  You can turn away from God, but He doesn’t want that.

    I have heard of eternal companionships ending over “pornography addiction.”  This makes me so sad.  I’m sad for the woman, who has given up on a man who has the potential to change.  For every woman judging their husband too harshly, give our boys, and yes, even our men, a chance.  It is hard being a boy.  It is so hard being a boy today.  Pornography is everywhere, it is accessible, it is easy.  This doesn’t mean you don’t need to be loved by your husband or that him watching pornography is ok.  But your relationship can be made so much stronger if you embrace this challenge, support, and uplift him through it.  Instead of judging, think how hard this might be for the man.  Think how ashamed he might feel.  Then show compassion and help him.

    Women: help men, stop judging them and deciding you’re unsafe, or they are evil, or they are wrong for this difficult challenge they must face.  “In sickness and in health.”  Does this not apply to someone going through a personal struggle?  “For time and all eternity.”

    I mentioned an example of someone that struggled, as in, pornography multiple times a day, every day.  His situation was handled in three easy steps:

    1. He talked to his wife.  He told her he had a problem and needed help.
    2. He talked to church leaders.
    3. He talked to a couple friends and got support to help him through it.

    Additional thoughts for these three points.

    ONE is not possible if his wife is going to be irrational, uncaring, or judgmental.  This friend was supported by a loving wife who understood that he was a phenomenal person who had a challenge he had to deal with.  She was proud of him for having the courage to come to her.  She was involved in the rest of the plan (steps two and three). 

    TWO took courage.  Kudos to anyone strong enough, and self-aware enough, to talk to their church leaders, openly confess, and start themselves on a path of improvement. 

    Finally, THREE did not involve overbearing, controlling, constant checking in.  A couple friends held him accountable.  They didn’t judge him.  They didn’t harass him.  They didn’t stalk him.  They trusted that the struggling friend would come to them when he needed support. 

    A year later, the struggling friend has slowly moved towards complete abstinence from pornography.  This wouldn’t have been possible without a loving, supportive group around him.

    For those struggling with this issue, I should add an important, recent note from this friend.  When talking about my own, unrelated to pornography, bad habit, this friend told me: “Don’t give an inch when it comes to abstinence.  Not saying you and *activity are the same as me and porn, but to stay clean I have to shut all forms of lewdness out, not just specifically porn and rationalize bikini pics as not porn since there is no nudity.”

    I have a female friend who once told me her husband had an intense pornography addiction.  It was debilitating and affected his everyday life.  It was so bad he didn’t keep a cell phone.  At all.  To remove the opportunity, he got rid of his cell phone.  Some might say “this is weak, just control it.”  I say, sometimes admitting we are weak is the greatest strength.  I admire this “sacrifice” for ultimate well-being. 

    Do you need someone’s computer password sometimes?  Do you need to monitor them, watch over them, keep them more accountable?  Maybe….

    Even as I type that word, “maybe,” I think I totally disagree.  What’s the point of abstaining if it’s through forced, agency removed, babysitting behavior?  I’ve provided all the “men have it hard” points so now it’s time for the tough love.  If you need to monitor every move your husband makes because he has a “pornography addiction” then he’s never going to grow and learn to control himself.  If you need all his passwords, accounts, and computers checked each day, then he isn’t learning self-control, he’s learning to be controlled. 

    God has given us our agency and sometimes you need to buck up and be accountable for your behavior.  No babysitters.  No hand holding.  Maybe that stuff can help in the beginning but ultimately, if a man can’t be accountable to himself, then you can’t watch him every day. 

    “A young man (every man) should learn to rule his body.  Like his temper, he should keep it always under complete control.”

    Boyd K. Packer

    Being surrounded by a supportive group is vastly different from being surrounded by prison guards. 

    Using the example of the friend who has gone a year without pornography, the first step was him realizing “I have a problem.”  That is always the most difficult thing.  The world will have you think pornography is a part of life and it’s just “boys being boys.”  The natural man is an enemy to God (Mosiah 3:19), the world would have you stay being the natural man.  I was always caught telling myself I’m doing ok because I only give in once a week or once a month.  It took a while for me to realize I could be so much better than that.  Many reading this will scoff at this religious idea of self-control and abstinence.  They’ll say it’s natural, and we were built this way, built to give in to our urges.  I’ve had conversations with many close friends who ridicule the very notion of self-control when it comes to pornography.  As I’ve mentioned, yes, these urges are natural, but to become like God we must learn to control our very natures.

    When I was away from the church giving into my temptations was a more often occurrence, though I always felt the guilt.  That is a problem facing much of the world – the removal of guilt.  I never felt good after giving in.  It was the complete opposite feeling to reading a good book, reading scripture, conversing in prayer, that I now experience today.

    As I returned to church this habit lingered, pestered me, persisted.  There have been many examples in my return to church of me slowly weeding out old activities.  One example is playing basketball on Sunday.  I rationalized it was good to play basketball Sunday mornings because it kept me from doing what I used to do on Saturday nights.  Similar thinking came with pornography.

    As I immersed myself in scripture, prayer, church activity, these temptations lessened, though they never did, and I don’t know if they ever will, completely leave.  I’ve always found that the busier I am with good, wholesome activities, the easier it is to avoid. 

    Early on I would set goals.  I would make a “promise” to myself to go a week, then two weeks, then a month.  I wasn’t always perfect.  But early on it made me realize the real issue this was.  If I slipped up, not only was I making a mistake, but I also broke a promise to myself and to Heavenly Father.  That taught me early on to continue to fight to improve. 

    One of my favorite books, Visions of Glory, talks about pornography in an interesting way.  It pointed out that the “act” was an inherently selfish act.  It took out intimacy and effort.  It gave instant, personal gratification.  Visions of Glory portrayed a graphic image of the demons that thrive on us in our weakest moments.  It painted a picture of evil, deprived spirits feasting on our lusts when we give in to them.  It’s an image I’ve used to fight these temptations. 

    Another tool I’ve used that is kind of silly, but I really think works is, when I get those thoughts or ideas, if possible, I will say out loud, “Not today, Satan.  You can send your minions home.  You’re not winning today.”  It’s strange to say, but I think there is real power in this.  There’s something about telling Satan you won’t let him win.  Obviously, the real power comes with prayer. 

    As I said, this struggle may never completely go away.  It’s ok to talk about it.  I think we should be more willing to admit that we have faults, sometimes we slip up, and then to pick ourselves back up.

    Finally, I’d like to discuss my thoughts on repenting through these mistakes.  I’m hopeful writing my thoughts out will help me understand how I feel about this, as it’s something I truly struggle with – the guilt of slipping up and making a mistake.  It’s difficult to desperately want to be “perfect” and to constantly fall short.  We all experience this.  It is in no way exclusive to lust or pornography.  This is about sin in general.

    I’ve found that it’s critical for me not to kick myself too hard while I’m down, after I make a mistake.  This inevitably makes it harder to repent.  Sometimes I don’t even want to kneel and ask forgiveness because I feel so hypocritical.  How can I repent for something I’ve done 100 times?  Does God even respect me at that point?  The answer is, whether or not God respects me, He loves me.  That’s so much more comforting.

    Telling us not to repent, that we’re hypocrites, and we’re unworthy of forgiveness is a tool of Satan we must avoid.  God always wants us to repent.  I will say this again with emphasis:  GOD ALWAYS WANTS US TO REPENT.  There is no time, ever, that God wants us to feel such guilt that we can’t come to him.  Hypocrite or not.  We can’t be fooled in those greatest moments of weakness to think that God does not want us to come to him meekly, humbly, and ask for forgiveness.  Christ’s Atonement covers all.  I know He wishes us always to use the gift He freely gave to us.  Especially when it’s hard, humbling, and humiliating.

    That said, we must take our sins seriously.  It can’t be a cavalier, “well I did it again.”  Get on your knees, say sorry, do it again tomorrow.  That’s not how it works.  Look in your heart and find the sorrow for what you’ve done.  I’ve found it helpful to break down into great detail why what I did was wrong.  Who am I hurting?  That’s often myself.  Who could I hurt?  Who am I objectifying and how are my actions showing a disrespect to God’s extremely sacred gifts?  Sin is not a joke, and we must never treat it as such.

    To the lovely, strong, beautiful women of the world – please, be patient with us.  It’s harder to be a man than you will ever know, just as it’s harder (in different ways) to be a woman than we’ll ever know.

    I’d like to thank Beth for her help in preparing this post.  Never has something I’ve written required so much editing, and she was critical in that.  I’m grateful for a wife that understands these things and whom I can talk candidly to about these topics.  Beth and I have had many of these conversations.  I’ve never felt judged by my wife.  In fact, discussions with her help me to go easier on myself and feel her support.  That is empowering and has helped me to be a better man.  I couldn’t be that, a better man, without her support. 

  • God, Sin, and Joy

    God, Sin, and Joy

    *Edit -Two days before posting this I read this in Unlimited Power by Tony Robbins:

    “Let’s consider the habit of smoking cigarettes… They contribute to everything from cancer to heart disease… People have every reason in the world not to smoke. Yet the tobacco industry continues to profit, and millions of people continue to smoke cigarettes, with more starting all the time. Why is that?

    People may learn to enjoy the experience of smoking, but is that what got them started?.. What happened when they first smoked? They hated it. They coughed and gagged and felt nauseated. Their body said, ‘This stuff is terrible. Get it away from me.’ In most cases if your own physcal evidence tells you something is bad, you would expect to listen. So why don’t people do that with smoking? Why do they continue to smoke until the body gives in and finally becomes addicted?

    They do it because they’ve been reframed as to what smoking means, and then that new representation and state have been anchored into place. Someone with a great deal of knowledge about persuasion has spent millions and millions of dollars to convince the public that smoking is something desirable. Through skillful advertising, clever images and sounds were used to put us in positive-feeling states; then those desired states (paradigm shift) were associated with or linked to a product called cigarettes. Through massive repetition, the idea of smoking has been linked with various desirable states. There’s no inherent value or social content to a piece of paper wrapped around tiny tobacco leaves. But we’ve been persuaded that smoking is sexy, or suave, or adult, or macho…

    How crazy is this? What in the world does putting carcinogens into your lungs have to do with any desirable state? But advertisers do on a mass scale exactly what we’ve talked about in this book. They put out images that put you in a receptive, elevated state-and at the peak of the experience, they anchor you with their message. Then they repeat it on television, in magazines, or on the radio so that the anchor gets constantly reinforced and triggered.”

    My own emphasis (underlines) and commentary (in parentheses) were added. Eerie. This book is copyright 1986. Do you think advertisers have let up? Do we think Lucifer is deciding to go easier on us? Anyone reading the above might say, “well cigarettes aren’t cool anymore, and they’re definitely not advertised the same.” Go to any bar and look at the mass of people outside. Then if you really think things have changed, pay closer attention to the next liquor/beer commercial you see. Shouldn’t take long. We’re bombarded by them all day, every day. I’ll now get to my original post. That was a long side-tangent.

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    Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once gave an address at BYU where he talked about a discussion he had. The discussion was about the influence of evil and the consequences of bad choices.  Elder Cook was given an interesting hypothetical: how would Lucifer present his plan to an advertising agency?

    “The adversary described his dilemma: he and his followers had rebelled and rejected the Father’s plan and had come to understand that they could not prevail against God. Lucifer understood that while the Father’s plan was about joy and happiness, his own plan resulted in grief and misery. The problem, Lucifer explained to the ad executive, was how to attract followers.”

    Lucifer would determine that the only way he could win would be to achieve a “paradigm shift.”  He would need to convince us that what he wanted us to do would result in happiness, joy, and freedom while following God would result in misery, lack of freedom, and bondage. 

    “This hypothetical meeting serves a useful purpose. The truth is, not only do the enemies of the Father’s plan attempt to undermine the doctrine and principles of the plan, but they also attempt to mischaracterize the blessings that flow from the plan. Their basic effort is to make that which is good, righteous, and joyful seem miserable.”

    It’s an amazing thing to consider how humans gravitate towards what destroys them.  As the lyrics from OneRepublic’s song Counting Stars says, “Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.”

    Consider the most obvious examples.  Everyday millions of people drink literal poison.  Here’s the amazing thing, you just read that and depending on who you are you thought of a different beverage from someone else.  There are multiple poisonous drinks consumed every day.  Am I referring to soda or alcohol?  Both?  How about cigarettes?  I’m blown away every time I see someone smoking one.  Like, “you know that is actually decaying your body from the inside out right?”  Don’t care.

    There are certain things that we have been asked to avoid in this modern day.  We don’t always know why we avoid certain things.  What I do know is that faithfully trying to follow God leads to blessings, both spiritual and temporal.  

    This leads to an important question.

    Why do you think God doesn’t want you to sin?

    Is it because He wants to control and tell you what to do?

    Why wouldn’t He just force you not to sin then?  He’s God.

    Why does God hate and abhor sin?

    God hates and detests sin because He know what the results of sin are: unhappiness, pain, suffering.

    God doesn’t hate sin; He hates the unhappiness it leads to.

    God is love.  God is peace.  God is joy.

    I think about this often.  I used to wallow in my sin and wonder why I was so miserable.  Now that I’ve drawn closer to God, I’m so much happier.  I see others stuck in the same pattern I was in and I desperately wish they would see there is another way.  You don’t need to drink alcohol until you forget, to find happiness.  You don’t need the lifestyle you think is bringing you joy, but you know is not.

    Does God want you to be happy?  An emphatic YES.

    Does God want you to have freedom?  An even more emphatic YES.

    God would rather you have freedom even more than happiness.  Otherwise, He would force you to make the choices that bring you joy.  He refuses to do that.  Your freedom means more to God even more than your happiness.  To find true happiness you must choose it.  To find true love you must gravitate towards it.  We see this in what He’s given us, our agency. We always have the option to choose.

    God’s plan, the Plan of happiness is meant to do just that.  Bring happiness.

    That doesn’t mean we all find joy the exact same way.  That doesn’t mean we’re all on the same path.  But I do believe the path of greatest joy leads to the being who gave us this whole experience.  If life is hard, come to God and he will lighten your burdens.  If life is joyful, we owe it to Him.  Joy, growth, and freedom go hand in hand.  We are meant to find these things during our mortal journey. 

    I use alcohol as an example because I believe it’s the easiest to use as an example, and because it’s what I have personal experience with.  I’ve tried that life.  I know alcohol doesn’t bring happiness.  In fact, the terrible impact of alcohol on young brains and adult lives is now medically established. 

    A study from Harvard in the 1940s on success and happiness found:

    “This study contains three significant insights.  First, adult happiness has a high correlation with childhood family happiness, especially love and affection from parents.  Second is the importance of a healthy, stable marriage to lifelong happiness. Third is the negative effect of alcohol on marital and lifetime success and happiness.  Alcohol abuse touches one-third of families in the United States and is involved in one-fourth of hospital admissions.  It plays a major role in death, bad health, and diminished accomplishment.”

    The above quote was from the 1940s!! Has alcohol consumption gone down?

    Notice the three things this study found that lead to happiness:

    1. Love and affection from parents
    2. Stable marriage
    3. Alcohol avoidance

    It’s no wonder the family has been attacked so aggressively the past 80 years. The paradigm shift has officially happened. Society says it’s about me, not my kids, kids take away MY freedom. Divorce. Drink and be merry. This isn’t happiness.

    When the gospel of Jesus Christ was restored on the earth, soon after, the advice was given to abstain from strong drinks (Doctrine and Covenants section 89).  The Word of Wisdom has blessed my life.  It was established a century before studies started to prove its temporal benefit.

    The Gospel of Jesus Christ brings happiness.  I know this personally, from my experience following it.  It only occurred to me recently that many of my friends and people I care a lot about really don’t think this happiness is an option for them.  I know many of my friends and people around me are happy.  That’s not what I’m saying.  What I’m saying is there is always more joy to be gained.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ isn’t an exclusive club.  I wasn’t chosen to be a part of it because I’m lucky.  I’m a part of it because it makes me happy, and that option is available to everyone. 

    I know a lot of people think “organized religion” or “God” or maybe even “a family” isn’t meant for them.  I just want to remind anyone taking the time to read, happiness is for everyone.  Happiness is something we all can find.

    I know many of my friends think I’ve become a religious nut.  Good.  I have.  The reason is because I’m happier than I’ve ever been.  I used to invite people around me to bars, or parties, or to gamble. I’ve invited people to participate with me in things I thought brought me happiness.  So why wouldn’t I invite every person I come in contact with now that I’ve found real happiness?

    I wish I could shout it from the rooftops.  I wish I was bolder about it than I am.  I wish I could tell the entire world:  you deserve to be happy.  Find your happiness, however you need to.  But I will tell you this, Jesus Christ is the source of all love.  Therefore, He is the source of all truth and light.  For that reason, He is the source of all happiness.  I’ve learned that for myself and hope we all can, on our timeline.

    I know where I come from.  I know where I’m going.  I know why I’m here.  I know what happens when I leave here.  I know I’ll be with my family forever.  I know my daughter and my wife, who I’ve known for countless days, going all the way back to our premortal existence, I know I will be with them for eternity.  This is true joy.

    I know these things.  Knowing these things bring me comfort.  Knowing these things makes me happy.  The choices and changes I’ve made in my life have brought me happiness I never thought I deserved.  This happiness is for everyone.