Tag: baby girl

  • Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    It’s interesting considering what you can glean about a soul in the signs they give before their arrival.

    On Monday 1/20/25, someone asked me if I wanted to play basketball that night, I said I probably shouldn’t because Beth wouldn’t appreciate that. He asked when the baby was coming. I said, “Any day now. She’s being stubborn.”

    Maybe because Ivy and Sage both came a week early, maybe because Beth was extremely done with this pregnancy, maybe a combination of factors, but for 14 days leading up to Monday 1/20 we were thinking it would be any day.

    That led to a lot of anticipation. WHY AREN’T WE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL?

    Friday 1/17 Beth and I spent the night on the couch as she was having irregular contractions most of the night. We were ready at any moment to pack up and leave.

    Flash forward to 1/20 and I was at basketball practice when Beth called. She thought it was really happening this time. I told the team and was off, not super optimistic that it was actually happening. Once I arrived at the house, I knew it was happening.

    We quickly gathered our bags and were out the door. Ivy and Sage waved with Grandma and Aunt Jane from the front door. I’ll probably always remember that image. My two girls, my world, not fully realizing how their worlds were about to change – in challenging but amazing ways.

    I’m writing this from the hospital and I’m so excited for them to meet their new sister.

    What Wren lacked in initiative pushing us to the hospital she made up for once we arrived. We got to the hospital around 5:00pm and she was born at 6:05pm.

    Ivy and Sage’s births were fast and felt whirlwind-like. This had a whirlwind feel given the pace, but it really didn’t feel frantic at all. It felt very under control. Of course, who am I to say? Beth would probably say it was a complete whirlwind of chaos.

    When Beth and I were planning to get married our Bishop at the time had a sit down with us. I remember him commenting on how Beth came from a family of five children and I came from a family of six. He made a statement that I’ve remembered ever since. It was something like, “You two will have no problem having children.”

    I’m not sure how he meant it at the time, but with how Ivy, Sage, and now Wren have come, I can’t help but feel like it was a Bishop’s blessing. That’s how I’ve taken it ever since.

    Wren’s coming could not have gone any more smoothly.

    It felt like a blessed and sanctified process.

    It felt guided and protected.

    Again, Beth might not agree, I’m ultimately just a bystander to the process. I think she would agree though. Maybe we should ask her.

    This isn’t to say that difficult pregnancies or deliveries are any less special. On the contrary, challenges sometimes make the blessings more powerful. We all have our own experiences with this miracle. And that’s what each and every birth is: A miracle.

    I am grateful for a strong and capable wife that can do this unimaginable thing. We are blessed that this process has gone well for us three times. I do not take this for granted.

    So Wren arrived with a lot more hair at 6:05pm.

    I’ve described this process before. See Ivy and Sage’s welcome to life posts. I’ll try to put it into words for a third time.

    My heart didn’t split, it expanded. As I looked at Wren, Ivy and Sage flashed before my eyes. I thought about how I loved each of them so powerfully. I can’t remember if I was brought to tears immediately with the other two. Maybe I should go back and read their posts. I wanted to write this before reading Ivy or Sage’s so this could be completely original.

    But as I looked at Wren I had to hold back tears. Not sure why the third hit me so hard. Maybe it was the pace of things. Maybe three is a special number, and when your heart expands that third time, something special happens.

    I don’t know.

    All I know is I love her so much.

    It’s crazy, you know. I can’t believe I’m here, on earth. I can’t believe I’ve been given the power and ability to create life. The greatest gift of all existence, the power to create life, and it’s been entrusted to me. I can’t believe I have three daughters. I can’t believe I have a wife that is so special and such a great mother. I can’t believe I’ll get to be with them forever, for the rest of this life, and beyond. I can’t believe Wren was born into a covenant, ensuring that as long as I do my part she will be mine forever. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I often think about what I did to deserve all this. And I can’t for the life of me figure it out.

    But I’m anxious to say thank you one day.

    So, welcome to this life Wren. It’s hard but rewarding. It’s scary, but if you know why you’re here, there is peace. It is overwhelming, but you’ve been given a family to help with that.

    I love you baby girl and look so forward to seeing how your personality shapes and develops to add to our family. Thank you for coming to join us. We love you so.

  • The greatest moment of my life every day

    The greatest moment of my life every day

    The greatest moment of my life happens every morning.  By that I mean, almost every day I have a new moment that is the new best moment of my entire life.  It’s awesome. 

    I start work early every morning.  I’m already up and working (hopefully) when Ivy starts to wake up.  Beth has the monitor by the bed, so I can hear when Ivy starts to stir.

    When I see Ivy in the morning, her face is the most pure form of joy I’ve ever seen.  In turn, that brings me the most joy I’ve ever experienced.  Seeing her light up and grin ear to ear and be SO happy, it’s indescribable.

    I can imagine her thinking, “Oh, you’re still here!  This is amazing!  You’re still my dad!  I’m so glad to see you!”

    That’s what her smile says to me.

    This parenting thing is super hard.  It’s beyond exhausting (more to come on that in the next post).  There’s a lot of stress and pressure.  The life of a tiny human is in our hands, after all.

    But that moment where Ivy smiles at me in the morning, makes this, without question, the best experience of life.

  • Ivy’s First 48 Hours

    Ivy’s First 48 Hours

    The first 48 hours, it turns out, is not just a homicide drama on television or the most important time after a homicide, it’s also an important time after the birth of a newborn.

    The first 24 hours in the hospital went amazing.  There’s no better word than amazing.  Ivy slept the whole time.  Beth would have to wake her to eat.  She would eat and immediately go back to sleep.  We were warned of the calm before the storm.

    Nurses would come in and do this test or that.  She cried once when I was holding her for like 5 seconds.  She didn’t cry at all during her first bath.  She looked like she was enjoying a spa day.

    When another nurse pricked her foot for blood I asked if babies usually cried during that.  She said, “well, I gave her sugar water.”  I don’t know what that means but maybe we should be keeping sugar water on hand.  What I do know is there was no crying while at the hospital after her initial couple hours coming into the world.

    We brought her home around 4:30pm 12/5/20.  Becky (mother-in-law) and Jane (new aunt) were at the condo.  Apparently Bengie was disturbed by how we left the previous morning.  He had been acting strange while we were away and licked us even crazier than usual when we got home.  He didn’t seem to notice the new addition.  Yet.

    Becky made dinner.  Jane held Ivy.  Keith (father-in law) came over after his shift at the hospital.  Everyone expressed joy at a newborn.

    The first night was interesting.  While I think she was still pretty well behaved, it’s crazy how small interruptions to sleep can be completely disorienting. 

    We went to sleep around midnight.  Mistake number one.  I’ve been told this by many people, but I think I’ll have to learn firsthand.  Really – take sleep whenever it’s available.  Ivy and I were watching ASU football until 11:30pm.  Beth fed her and put her down to sleep around that time.

    At 2:00am Ivy started crying.  I’ll do my best to replay the events of the night, but Beth and I had great difficulty piecing events together in the morning. 

    I believe Beth tried to feed her, but she wasn’t really eating.  Cluster-feeding?  I don’t know. 

    *Beth update when reading this – she did feed her before I woke up at 2:00am, we think?

    Things that happened, order unknown:

    Beth made a bottle. Beth passed a blood clot. She was upset and scared and talked to her mom. Determined it was ok unless other symptoms/things happened. Beth was upset and having a hard time. I swapped spots with her and laid by Ivy’s bed, which for the first couple months (I think?) will be lying next to our bed. I fed Ivy half of the bottle Beth prepared.

    Ivy was somewhat fussy and always on the verge of crying.  Between 2am and 4am I realized she had a very messy diaper.  Explained the fussy.  I changed Ivy in the other room and laid her back down in her bed.  She was much better.  I’m not sure if Beth was completely sleeping during this time.  I think she was kind of in and out of it.  She was exhausted. 

    I laid with my hand on Ivy or helping to keep her pacifier in which seemed to settle her down.  I think I slept around 4am.  Again, not sure how things transpired, but at some point I woke up because Ivy was fussing.  Looked like she was hungry.  I talked to Beth around 5am (maybe?) about Ivy being hungry.  I think at some point Beth turned the hot air on in the room.  It had gotten cold in the room.  I could have sworn I passed Ivy to Beth around 5am to feed but in the morning neither of us could recall if that actually happened.  Funny, but being serious. 

    At some point I was really hot, and Ivy was fine.  She was sleeping like a, you guessed it, baby.  Really, she was sleeping well.  Interesting we use that phrase to indicate deep sleep when in reality sleeping like a baby is more like up every 90 minutes wanting some attention.  The living room was cooler, so I curled up on the couch and slept there.  Again, at some point (8am?) I woke up to the loud carbon monoxide alarm.  It beeped loud, 3 times.  I saw Beth coming from the kitchen.  I couldn’t fathom why she would make 3 loud beeps happen.  She seemed in a haze.  She ignored the loud beeping.  That confused me more.  I learned Bengie was sleeping on my legs.  His number one fear is loud beeps.  He jumped and ran to the bedroom, under the bed, tried to jump on the bed but Ivy’s bassinette was in the way.  He ran back and jumped on me.  He repeated this 3 times.  I held and pet him and he was shaking like crazy.  When I stopped petting, he ran to the bedroom, found his way onto the bed, and burrowed into the blankets.

    The new addition was proving to be a major interruption to his routine, peace, and quiet.

    **Beth addition number two – “you must have been in a haze too, when the beep went off, I yelled ‘oh –.’” (followed by a bad word).

    I am not denying any sort of hazy phase.  I was a cloud of confusion.

    I guess the morning had started.

    Ivy was peaceful as could be, as far as I could tell.  She’s been an angel ever since.  While writing this she was curled up on my legs/lap in front of me.  Already learning to multi-task. Her pacifier just fell out.  She likes her pacifier. 

    I still got to meditate that first day.  That was big.

    Becky came by and made some food.  I decided to fast in gratitude to Heavenly Father for all this.

    Beth proofread this and told me to insert “I was a Rockstar” talking about myself.  That’s a bit much.  Beth’s done all the hard work and is completely exhausted.  I’ve gotten to sleep next to Ivy and take care of the most important person in the world.  And she’s so cute.  And when I sleep, I get to put my hand on her and be with her. 

    Good deal.  I’ll take it.

    Ivy may be the “Coo Monster.”  She’s constantly coo-ing.  It’s heart-melting.  The cutest little hums and noises.  I love her very much.  It’s amazing how much I like caring for her.  It’s crazy how exhausted I can be already and yet how happy.

    Ivy went on a short walk in her stroller today.

    She loves her swing.

    She loves if I gently tickle her head or face with my fingers.  Her eyes will instantly flutter closed.

    Bengie and Ivy

    I love her.

  • Baby

    Baby

    I am scared. 

    Can I protect you?

    Will you be bright?

    Will you be happy?

    Will you be strong or gentle?

    Will you be mine?

    I will be yours.

    You will be gentle and strong.

    You will bring joy to all those around you.

    You will bring light to the world.

    I will protect you.

    Don’t be afraid.

    Your mom will teach you some things.  I will teach you others. 

    I know I knew you before.  I know you taught me before I came here.  You will continue to teach me once you join me here. 

    I know you’ve been anxious to come.  I know because every time I prayed about you God told me.  We are ready for you.

    I will do my best to support you always.  I will do my best to shield you from the world.

    Can I ever be ready for the responsibility of your life?

    You’re coming into a scary world.  The world needs you now, more than ever.  Be kind.  Be gentle.  Be strong. 

    It’s the year 2020.  The world needs you desperately.  Don’t hold back.  Give your all.  Shine bright.

    I love you already.

    My girl.  Our girl.