No Coincidences

Tag: basketball

  • Monumental Moment

    Monumental Moment

    I’ve written about seemingly small moments in my life that made a huge difference on the trajectory of my future. I’ve mentioned a postcard. I’ve also mentioned a seemingly inconsequential invitation to join a basketball team (from that same link). I’d like to elaborate on that basketball invitation story.

    I was so nervous my first time coming back to church that I made my roommate come with me so I didn’t have to go alone. It had been years since I’d been at church.

    I only remember one thing about that first day back at church, and it was after sacrament meeting ended. I’d just sat through my first sacrament meeting in I’m not sure how many years. I was self-conscious, uncomfortable, ready to leave, when the person in front of me turned around in his seat.

    “Hey, do you play basketball?” He asked.

    I remember being blown away. I remember thinking, “Wow! The spirit is powerful here! How did he know???”

    I’ve thought back on that moment. Yes, the spirit was powerful that day. But not in a mystical, this stranger in front of me received a supernatural message that I loved basketball, kind of way. The world would consider that a powerful spiritual experience. What actually happened was equally as powerful, yet more easily “understood” by worldly standards.

    The truth is, as I now suspect, the person who sent that postcard went the extra mile. When I asked about going to church, after telling me where they met and what time, she also reached out to the Bishop of that ward. In hindsignt, I’m pretty sure I was brought up in ward council, a meeting where leaders of a church ward discuss pressing matters.

    I’m sure I was mentioned. I’m sure Kelsie, the postcard giver, told the bishop I liked basketball. That person who turned around in their chair to ask if I liked basketball was in that meeting. I’m sure he was looking for me.

    Is this any less miraculous?

    Is it any less of a miracle that an individual, who had never spoken to me before had heard of me and knew I needed friendship extended in my direction? A complete stranger stepped out of his comfort zone and said hi to a stranger and asked a seemingly random question. A complete stranger didn’t care if I was the worst basketball player in the world, he still asked me to join a city league team with him. 

    As a basketball player, that last part is significant. I would hesitate to ask someone I’d never seen play basketball to join my team. How do I know that person can dribble a basketball? How do I know whether or not that person knows how to play team basketball? How do I know whether or not that person is a nightmare on the basketball court?

    The invitation that day was about more than basketball. That invitation came from an individual who had heard about me, a wayward soul trying to come back, and followed a spiritual prompting to invite me to play on a basketball team- basketball skills be darned.

    That person’s name was David Lake and I owe him a great debt. I have thanked him for that moment. Such a tiny moment. I know he didn’t think about it much after doing it. That was just the kind of person he was. In that moment, a stranger knew me, cared about me, and invited me. 

    That moment made all the difference in my life.

    It’s amazing how a seemingly tiny moment can change the trajectory of a life. Where am I if not for that monumental moment? Did I come to church the next week? Did I meet my wife? Do I have Ivy, Sage, Wren – my own eternal family? 

    There are some moments that carry more weight than others, no matter how seemingly inconsequential.

    My invitation to anyone reading- the next time you’re at the grocery store, or the dog park, or the gym, or at work, and that strange thought comes to your mind while you’re conversing with someone, “Invite them.” Do it. You don’t know the profound blessing that can change a person’s life because you decide to step out of your comfort zone and invite a stranger.

    If you have been blessed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, share it. Invite others. It’s the least you can do to thank your Heavenly Father for this gift He has given you.

    Beth and I were laughing how roommate Chris is in this picture but I’m not. David Lake prominently placed.
    Beth and I actually met through church basketball. Crazy huh? As you’ll see in this picture, couldn’t be seen too close to her, would be too obvious.
    A future wife, future best friend I still coach with, many lifelong friends, and saving Bishop all in one picture. That’s a miracle.
  • Resilience and Will to Win

    Resilience and Will to Win

    Before you read this – I start this post with a brief description of this year’s NBA playoffs. After this introduction I get into personal stories and what basketball this year has taught me. If you don’t care about the NBA, Just get through this brief introduction to get to some life lessons learned.

    If you’ve been watching any of the 2025 NBA playoffs then you’ve watched some AWESOME basketball. You’ve also heard about or seen the miraculous Indiana Pacers.

    For the record, I love this team. Tyrese Haliburton has been my second favorite player for some time but he might have taken the top spot.

    I watch all my basketball on a delay (DON’T TEXT ME ABOUT THE SCORE). I put my phone away and don’t look at it to the best of my ability until a game is over.

    The Indiana Pacers have had multiple games this playoffs that I’ve fast forwarded to the end, thinking the game was over, only to get to the end and say, “WHAT HAPPENED!?!” loud enough for my wife to get irritated with me. MULTIPLE TIMES. That happens once and it’s an out of this world comeback. The Pacers have had four of those occurences in one postseason.

    Here is something posted by a guy on Twitter about the Pacers comebacks:

    That is four times the Pacers have basically done the impossible. These Pacers have been so extraordinary they’ve made me stop and think more about resilience, will to win, heart, fight, belief, faith, and all the other never-give-up attitudes and character traits.

    I’ve been thinking about momentum. I’ve been thinking about when the energy in a room changes.

    Here’s my personal glory days basketball story I must now share.

    When I was a junior in high school my team was one game behind the fourth seed for the last playoff spot in our division. We played Centennial High School the final game of the season. If we won, we would be exactly tied with them in record. This would mean we would then need to do a one game playoff to determine who got that last playoff spot.

    We beat Centennial handily in the first game on a Friday night. No contest. We were feeling great. We just beat this team easily. Surely we’d do the same the very next morning, right?

    Wrong.

    Centennial switched up their game plan. They actually ran a triangle and 2 to keep the ball out of mine and another player’s hands. Things were not going well. We were down big. Something had to change. I didn’t expect that something being a 3 inch gash to my left eye.

    With things going so badly, our coach called a timeout. He gave us that classic, “You need to fight and be more aggressive” speech. So I went out there and got right on top of the person I was guarding. They swung an elbow down across my face. I went down in a heap. There was blood everywhere. I was taken off the court. I believe we were down 13 when I left the game. I thought everything was over.

    I went into the back and the trainer tried to butterfly stich my face so I could go back out. It was too close to my eye. He couldn’t stop the bleeding. So I was given a white rag to hold over my face and went to watch the rest of the game. To my surprise, as I walked back out to watch the game, I checked the score. We were up! We had gone on a huge run after that hit to my face.

    I was later told that our coach gave another classic speech, something like, “You’re going to let them do that to your teammate? To Quack? That’s your brother! They just busted his head open! What are you going to do about it!?!?!?!” Apparently my team went crazy. Playing with a new force, energy, and purpose.

    My team decided they weren’t going to lose this game while I bled in the back.

    We did win that game.

    Back to the Pacers.

    If you listen to quotes from Pacers players postgame from some of these miraculous comebacks, it’s all, “We never stopped believing”, “We always knew we would win”, “We never give up”. Usually these statements are just cliches, things players have to say as they can think of nothing else to say to a reporter postgame. Things that have to be said after a comeback. But with these Pacers I BELIEVE IT. I believe they never stop believing. I believe they always thought they were going to win. I know they never give up.

    From glory days 17 years ago to more recent, weekend warrior glory days.

    In a recent pickup basketball game my team was up 13-3. We needed to score one more time to win the game. The other team scored. 13-5. No big deal. The other team hit a three. 13-8. Okay. The other team hit another 3. 13-11. Uhm. The other team hit a three. 13-14. It was now next to score wins. At this point all 10 players on the court had watched the Pacers comeback just two days prior. We were all thinking about it. Those on my team felt like the Thunder. It actually crossed my mind, ‘This is how the Thunder felt, oh man, we’re going to lose this game.’ The 5 players on the other team were thinking, ‘This is how the Pacers felt. We’re going to win this game.’

    I took a moment in the middle of that pickup game and looked around at my team. I knew what they were thinking. I looked at the other team. I knew what they were thinking. Before you say, ‘How did you know what people were thinking?’ Well, when the game ended, we discussed it openly. All 10 of us were talking about the Thunder Pacers game and how we felt as a 13-3 lead turned into a deficit.

    I know you’re wondering how that game ended. I don’t want to brag but… you know… I finally decided enough was enough. Used a pick and roll, got a switch, pivoted into the paint, pivoted around a big player, and finished a left hand scoop layup. It was as cool as it sounds.

    But really. There was a moment when I decided, “We’re not going to lose this game.”

    I could have easily stayed in the mindset that hit me for a brief second, “We ARE going to lose this game.” I had to fight that thought. I fought it. And we won. If I stayed in that thought, there’s no chance we win.

    I know I know, pickup basketball at my church building pales in comparison to the NBA Finals.

    So think about the pressure felt by 5 players on a court surrounded by 18,203 watching fans all thinking the same thing: the Pacers are going to do it again. Think about that energy. Think about what that does to your psyche. If I felt it with 10 players on a church basketball court, what did the Oklahoma City Thunder players feel?

    Pressure. Weight.

    What is resilience? What is fight? What is the will to win?

    This is why I love sports. It teaches us about life.

    I tell the girls I coach all the time – “Yes, this is a game. You will win or you will lose. Things will go well or things will go bad. But how do you handle it? This is a game. What happens when life gets hard? What happens when life is easy? How do you handle it? Basketball teaches you about life. It teaches you about who you are. It teaches you how to handle adversity.” Every player I’ve coached has heard some version of this speech.

    So if life has been hitting you in the face lately and you feel like you’re on the other end of an 11-0 run. If you feel like nothing is going your way and you just can’t win. This is my reminder to you that the Indiana Pacers have done the impossible FOUR times in a month.

    Faith. Belief. Hope. Positivity. Fight. Never give up. This is what makes you a winner, in life and in sports.

  • Yelling Coaches

    Yelling Coaches

    I grew up with a lot of yelling coaches. There’s one in particular I still have nightmares about. He was a coach who communicated in only one way: yelling as loudly as possible. I always had the feeling he hated me. As an adult, looking back, I haven’t gained a new perspective on this. It hasn’t become one of those, “He yelled at me to make me stronger, and he really did care about me.” No. I still think he hated me.

    I didn’t respond well to yelling.

    One of my concerns when I started coaching basketball 5 seasons ago was how I would handle yelling. As I mentioned in How do we speak to others, I have an inherent aversion to yelling. I didn’t want to yell period, let alone at my girls. I was worried how the girls I coached would respond to me if I wasn’t willing to yell at them. Would they respect me? Could I discipline them?

    What I’ve found, and I’m grateful to report, is that in my experience you don’t need to yell at anyone to get them to respect you. A quiet, private chastisement or loving criticism is 1000 times more effective than yelling or publicly embarrassing a player.

    There was one game I’ll never forget. We were beating the team badly in the second half, but it hadn’t always been that way. It was a close game through the first half. But as the second half got going, their coach started to get flustered. The coach was yelling at the refs and their players constantly. It was a classic case of a coach losing their cool as the game stayed close. This was obvious from my seat. As the coach yelled at the refs more, their players lost focus and started complaining about the officiating as well. Then the coach started turning their frustration on the players, yelling at them after turnovers or mistakes. I saw their team quickly devolve. Players were throwing their hands up in frustration. After every play, they were looking to their coach to make sure they weren’t about to be yelled at. It reminded me so much of my time playing for my yelling coach.

    That was the reason our lead extended in the second half until we were blowing them out. I always wonder how a coach can expect their players to stay calm and composed if the coach themselves is unable to do so.

    At one point in that game, when the opposing coach was yelling at one of their players, a player on my team who was sitting next to me on the bench looked up at me and said, “Thank you.”  I replied, “What?” and she said, “Thank you for not being like that coach and yelling at us.” That was about the best coaching compliment I’ve ever received.

    I explained to that player my coaching philosophy. Yelling doesn’t help. All yelling does is put everyone on edge.

    That same player, at the end of the season, gave me a card with a note that read, “Thank you so much for this season. I loved playing with you as a coach, thank you so much for being the coach. I hope you have a great time with your wife and Ivy” (this was before Sage).

    If you’re wondering why and how coaching is rewarding, there it is.

    So, do I yell? The season from this example (3 seasons ago now), I actually had to apologize to my team on a couple occasions. There were a couple games where I wasn’t proud of how I acted on the bench. I lost my cool, exhibited frustration on the bench, and sometimes yelled. One time I snapped at a player in the heat of a game. I felt really bad about that. I pulled that player aside afterward and apologized. At practice after a game where I got frustrated and started yelling, I explained to the team my philosophy: how can you stay composed if I don’t? I told them I was disappointed in my behavior and planned to be better.

    I hope that taught those kids something about accountability. If I don’t hold myself accountable, how should I expect to hold them accountable? I doubt they’d ever had a coach admit to being wrong. I wonder, how can we expect these athletes to respect someone who doesn’t admit when they’re wrong?

    One more story from this last season, our first at Notre Dame Prep. We had a really good team this year. We were 15-0 with two games to go. I knew this second to last game would be our toughest test. At halftime, my worries were justified as we were down two points. Throughout the first half I had to constantly reign myself in to keep myself from losing it on my players. They weren’t playing like themselves and I was disappointed. It was only after that I realized they were doing their best, but the lure of that undefeated season had really gotten into their heads. As I was walking from our bench to our locker room, I was prepared go crazy on my team under the guise of lighting a fire under them. If you’ve played serious sports, all these coaching tropes probably sound familiar.

    As I walked from our bench, I received wise words from Cameron. He said, “Before you go in there, remember that these girls have never been down at halftime.” He clearly saw in my face what was about to happen in that locker room. I’m glad he did. He saved me from what would have been a mistake. He was right. These girls didn’t need to get more flustered by not only being down at halftime but then getting yelled at in the locker room. How could I expect them to be composed if I wasn’t? Instead, I put a smile on my face, walked in, and told the girls how awesome it was to be in a close game for once. I then got into the things we needed to do better.

    Now, our team had some stern halftimes throughout the season. As a coach, you’re perpetually trying to lift your team higher, no matter how much you’re winning by. But, what would I have taught those girls if, in the one game they were losing, I walked in and blew a gasket? I would have taught them the worst possible thing – that habits, and effort, and sportsmanship, and accountability were not as important as winning and losing. That is not a lesson I want to instill in any young person.

    As for yelling productively, another fear I had, that didn’t end up being a problem. I used to wonder if I could coach when I don’t like to raise my voice at all. I quickly learned, that in the intensity of a game, I can’t help but raise my voice – to the players on the court, so the ref can hear a question I have, in the huddle over a crowd. This is what I consider productive yelling. My fear of not being able to yell during a game is lost. If anything, I need to tone it down. Those games can get exciting and intense and sometimes I’m tempted to run to half-court in the middle of a play to call a timeout because the ref won’t look at me (that happened).

    Productive yelling is good. Yelling to try to demean a player or to get their respect is not. Especially when that yelling is insulting or embarrassing, which it often is. I didn’t respond well to yelling when I played and it’s my experience that a lot of kids don’t.

    Winning is fun, but it’s not our primary goal as a coaching staff. These girls will all go on to have jobs, be professionals, get married, have kids, and do all the things that make this life rewarding and challenging. Our primary goal as a coaching staff is to prepare our student-athletes to be prepared for life. Basketball will pass. But learning to keep your cool under pressure, have confidence, do your best, and treat and speak to people with respect will better them for life.

  • NBA 2023/2024

    NBA 2023/2024

    The theme of my blog is NoCoincidences (thus the name). This started as spiritual thoughts with some random thoughts sprinkled in. This developed into a lot of writing about being a father and having daughters as my family changed.

    There is a big passion of mine that I seldom write about.

    I love basketball.

    I’m a big NBA fan. I don’t follow other sports really at all. I’ve long cut NFL football out of my life (and never been happier). Since Mike’s passing I hardly watch college football anymore. I occasionally dip into college basketball. But NBA is the one time-suck I’ve allowed myself to keep.

    So, with it being roughly midway through the 2023/2024 NBA season, I thought I’d give some thoughts about the NBA, this season, and especially my love and passion: the Utah Jazz.

    Here’s what I’ve noticed.

    Let’s start with the Jazz.

    My Team:

    Lauri Markkanen is great. If you don’t know who Lauri Markakanen is, you’re missing out on a 7-foot-tall, Finnish, gloriously great team player. We struck gold with him. That said, I don’t think he can be the best player on a championship team without even more developments in his game. He’s made such big leaps the last couple years in who he is as a player. I don’t think he’s done getting better. But to win an NBA championship, it’s pretty much confirmed that you need a top 10 player in the NBA. I don’t know if Lauri can get there.

    Let’s go through the last 10 champions as a case study:

    Nuggets (2022/2023) – Nikola Jocic: undoubtedly a top 10 player, probably the best player in the world.

    Warriors (2021/2022) – Steph Curry: still a top 10 player.

    Bucks (2020/2021) – Giannis Antetekounmpo: at the time the best player in the world, definitely top 10 today, probably top 3.

    Lakers (2019/2020) – LeBron: it can be debated on if he’s still a top 10 player right now, at this time he definitely was. At this time, during this run, Anthony Davis was also likely a top 10 player.

    Raptors (2018/2019) – Kawhi Leonard: at the time he established himself as one of the best in the world, definitely a top 10 player.

    Warriors (2017/2018) – Kevin Durant: top 10 player for the last decade and top 20 player of all time. To say nothing of Steph Curry, another top 10 player on the roster.

    Warriors (2016/2017) – Kevin Durant: again.

    Cavaliers (2015/2016) – LeBron James: one of the best players of all time, arguably a top 10 player in the league for the last 20 years.

    Warriors (2014/2015) – Steph Curry: this is the year he established himself as one of the best players in the NBA.

    Spurs (2013/2014) – Tony Parker: at first glance, I thought this might be the exception to the rule. Upon further investigation, Tony Parker was considered by many to be a top 10 player this year. This year the Spurs had 6 players average double-digit scoring and still had the best Power Forward to ever play on the roster.

    The point is, you need a top 10 player in the NBA to win a championship. Can Lauri get there? Maybe. His ability to score one on one is a shortcoming. He’s a phenomenal player on the move, and great with his catch and shoot. But at the end of the shot clock when everything breaks down and a score is needed, all eyes still turn to Jordan Clarkson.

    Speaking of Jordan Clarkson, I love him, but he takes so many minutes from our young players. It’s a true dilemma.

    There are a lot of questions for the Jazz but I love where we’re headed.

    My Favorite Team to Watch:

    When my Jazz inevitably don’t make the playoffs, I’ve found the team I will aggressively root for. I LOVE the Oklahoma City Thunder. LOVE. I love the way they play. I love their players. I love their style. I love that they’re a small market team. I love that they’ve built through the draft. The Thunder are awesome. When they have Giddy, Gilgeous-Alexander, J-Dub, Holmgren, and Dort on the floor, and just spread the floor, it is a thing of beauty watching them patiently penetrate and kick over, and over, and over until they get a good shot. If I could play on any NBA team it would be the Thunder with the Heat in second. The Thunder are basketball ecstasy to watch.

    On the topic of top 10 players, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is that guy. For the casual fan who doesn’t watch the Thunder and doesn’t know, this is your official notice that Shai is a top 10 player, no question. He doesn’t shoot threes, but I love the way he plays. He’s never rushed. When he penetrates into the paint, he almost never forces a shot. He kicks the ball out, knowing it will get passed around and he’ll get a chance to penetrate again and get an easier shot. This is true team basketball. You can tell, at least in what I’ve seen, that the players are playing for the team, and not for themselves. The Thunder are so fun to watch. If you’re a casual fan that wonders if the NBA is ruined, come over and watch a Thunder game with me. I have them all recorded.

    Favorite Player:

    If you haven’t watched the Pacers play, tune in to see Tyrese Haliburton. He is my new favorite player. From his janky three-point shot that I love, to his pace, his lack of turnovers, his obsession with making the right play every time; he is my favorite player in the NBA right now. I love Lauri and Clarkson on the Jazz, but Tyrese is my point guard love. He replaces Jalen Brunson who I still love but I find it harder to relate to. I like Tyrese Haliburton because he plays the way I like to think I play (in my dreams).

    For those who are wondering, my all-time list of favorite players in order is:

    John Stockton

    Steve Nash

    Steph Curry

    Donovan Mitchell

    Tyrese Haliburton (working his way up)

    Favorites to Win the Championship:

    The Celtics and Nuggets have to be the clear favorites to win the championship. They are head and shoulders above anyone else I’ve seen.

    Honorable mention:

    Bucks – if Giannis and Dame can be fully unlocked, Middleton can get back to form, and they can play a lick of defense, they might be able to beat the Celtics.

    Heat – the Heat should always be feared.

    Timberwolves – I fully expect the Timberwolves to have a momentous playoff meltdown, I saw it too often in Utah to believe otherwise.

    In my opinion, the Nuggets are coming out of the West. I’ll be rooting for the Thunder.

    It’s been a fun NBA season so far. There is so much talent in the league. It’s in a great place. The expansion to 32 teams, which is coming in the next couple years, is coming at a great time. There is enough talent in the NBA to spread around to two more teams.

    I love the NBA and I love basketball.

  • Embrace the Chaos: Parenting a Toddler

    Embrace the Chaos: Parenting a Toddler

    On the heels of my Mr. Feeny post I had a revelation.

    Growing up, I have vague memories of staying up late with my mom at a very young age. I remember sitting with her on the couch while she folded laundry watching Law and Order or CSI. While these are vague memories, they’re powerful memories.

    The last few months have been a battle with Ivy. I won’t go into all the details to avoid seeming like a completely incompetent parent. To give you a tiny glimpse into it, Ivy requires us to lie next to her bed and hold her hand for her to sleep in her bed. She’ll then sleep there for a couple hours until she wakes up and realizes we’re not there, then come into our bed. That lying next to her bed phase waiting for her to fall asleep can be 10 minutes or it can be three hours.

    I am completely open to suggestions on how to get your toddler to sleep.

    I will maybe try suggestions but more likely laugh in the face of any suggestion that implies you can get a toddler to do anything they don’t want to do.

    Beth and I have really tried to add some structure to Ivy’s life. Before she become a full-blown 2 year-old with all the personality and stubbornness of an aged mule, I think we did a good job. We still try to get her to bed between 7pm and 8pm. See the above paragraph for notes on “trying” to get her to go to bed.

    Last night, I laid next to Ivy for 30 minutes while she sang, did some sort of dance lying down (I just know her feet were moving a lot), went through all her books (it was pitch black), and repeatedly re-adjusted the holding of my hand. After 30 minutes I stood up and left the room. I had a Jazz game to watch. She followed.

    Beth went to bed around 9:00pm.

    Ivy and I stayed up until 10:30pm watching the game. We laughed, we high-fived, we hugged, we danced, we cheered (quietly), we cried (they lost).

    “Education is not about obscure facts and little test scores. Education is about the overall effect of years of slow absorption of concepts, philosophies, approaches to problem-solving. The whole process is so grand and all-encompassing that it really can’t be threatened by the occasional late-night no-hitter. It is important that a boy (or girl) spend time with his (or her) father.”

    Mr. Feeny

    I may remember that night for the rest of my life. It was not a no-hitter, just the sixth regular season game in an 82 game season. But I may remember that night forever because it was so great.

    This led me to sending my mom a text, which read:

    “I’m more and more trending toward your way of doing things. What’s the point in having a battle of contrition with a 3yo that I’ll never win? Trying to put her to sleep at 8pm and lying next to her bed for hours on end hoping she’ll fall asleep. Why? So she can sleep for 2 hours then get up and get in our bed anyway? Not to mention if she doesn’t go to sleep, she’s at her peak best behavior ever. She’s sweet, nice, and plays quietly on her own, only occasionally asking if you want to play with her. It’s all going to come back around anyway. Either she’ll nap really good today at school or she’ll go to bed early tonight because she’s actually tired (doubt it). It’s also kind of the best when she’s being so nice and we get to stay up until 1030 watching the Jazz, cheering, clapping, hugging, and crying together. Multiple times I made her jump during her quiet playing because I got loud. Every time she looked at me like, “Uhm, trying to have some peace and quiet over here.” So she gets to see what we feel like all day every day. I’m failing to see the true downside. Teaching discipline? Avoiding chaos? We’re way past that. You can’t discipline a 3yo. She does whatever she wants when she wants and dares us to do something about it. She’ll come around, I’m sure. But for now, just embrace the chaos, I think, is the way to go.”

    I remember those nights with my mom.

    Maybe Ivy will remember some of these nights with me.

    I always hoped I’d have super well-behaved, obedient, and disciplined children. I think, on the toddler scale, Ivy is turning out to be exceptional in those categories. BUT – the idea of a disciplined toddler is like the fantasy of a well organized and controlled tornado – it really doesn’t exist.

    I think the occasional late night Jazz game is way more valuable than discipline. I think.

    Embrace the chaos.