No Coincidences

Tag: Brad Wilcox

  • Your True Identity

    Your True Identity

    *I originally wrote this in 2022.

    I’d like to discuss Grace and our Identity.

    In a recent address to young adults of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the prophet of the Lord, President Russell M. Nelson, talked about the three defining identities of a member of Christ’s church. Those identities were:

    1. Child of God
    2. Child of the covenant
    3. Disciple of Jesus Christ

    The grace portion of what I’d like to discuss, like President Nelson’s identities, will focus on members of Christ’s church. This doesn’t mean what I’m saying here doesn’t apply to all. I believe it does. Whether someone believes in God or not, the first identity of all God’s children is true. Every soul on this earth is a child of God, whether they believe it (or like it) or not. The other two identities are not excluded from anyone. Anyone can be a child of the covenant by aligning themselves with God. Anyone can be a disciple of Jesus Christ. These must be choices.

    Now that I’ve established that this is for everyone, let’s talk more about President Nelson’s message of identity. President Nelson emphasized that if the Lord spoke directly to us, the first thing He’d want us to understand is who we are; thus, the identities. It’s my testimony that the Lord was reminding us of this, through His mouthpiece, the prophet.

    President Nelson said:

    “Tonight, I plead with you not to replace these three paramount and unchanging identifiers with any others, because doing so could stymie your progress or pigeonhole you in a stereotype that could potentially thwart your eternal progression.

    There are various labels that may be very important to you, of course. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that other designations and identifiers are not significant. I am simply saying that no identifier should displace, replace or take priority over these three enduring designations …”

    The world would so quickly have us forget who we truly are, and our true potential. The multitude of designations we can apply to ourselves pale in comparison to “Child of God.” Can you imagine being a prince of a nation, and calling yourself a peasant? Can you imagine being the president of a university and calling yourself a student? Can you imagine being the captain of the team, and calling yourself a bench warmer? That is what many of us do every day when we give ourselves any title but “Child of God.” Wear your title with pride. Your Father is God of the entire universe. He is King, He is Ruler, and you are His Child.

    “Make no mistake about it: Your potential is divine. With your diligent seeking, God will give you glimpses of who you may become. … As you embrace these truths, our Heavenly Father will help you reach your ultimate goal of living eternally in His holy presence.”

    -Russell M. Nelson

    Let’s transition into Grace. I can’t say anything better here than Brad Wilcox said in his talk His Grace is Sufficient, so please read the talk to remind yourself how patient and loving and kind our Savior is. I believe this may be the most powerful address ever given, especially for our day. I mean that literally. His Grace is Sufficient is so filled with eternal and significant truths, you could quote the whole thing. I will quote much of it here.

    I believe there is an epidemic in the Church of people not feeling good enough. I believe this aligns with President Nelson’s message of forgetting our identity. I think it also aligns with a misunderstanding that Satan has perpetuated, a misunderstanding of Grace and the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

    Brad Wilcox said, “Too many are giving up on the Church because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short.”

    He then gave an example:

    “There are young women who know they are daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves them, and they love Him. Then they graduate from high school, and the values they memorized are put to the test. They slip up. They let things go too far, and suddenly they think it is all over. These young women don’t understand grace.”

    I would add – these young women don’t understand who they are. Slipping up doesn’t take away any of your three identities. Because you make a mistake, are you no longer God’s daughter? Because you slip up, are you no longer a daughter of the covenant? Because you’re not perfect, are you not a disciple of Jesus Christ? If that were the case, Christ would never have disciples! Be less hard on ourselves. And remember who we are.

    Few paragraphs in a talk have applied more perfectly to me:

    “There are young men who grow up their whole lives singing, “I hope they call me on a mission,” and then they do actually grow a foot or two and flake out completely. They get their Eagles, graduate from high school, and go away to college. Then suddenly these young men find out how easy it is to not be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, or reverent. They mess up. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “This is stupid. I will never do it again.” And then they do it. The guilt is almost unbearable. They don’t dare talk to a bishop. Instead, they hide. They say, “I can’t do this Mormon thing. I’ve tried, and the expectations are just way too high.” So they quit. These young men don’t understand grace.”

    For me, it was a process of making mistakes, and then deciding I didn’t need to ask for forgiveness. The guilt of asking for forgiveness wasn’t worth it. I just moved on and stopped asking. But my soul was crying out. What saved me was my testimony of Jesus Christ and His Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Without that testimony of His restored Gospel, I would have never returned. It wasn’t worth feeling the guilt. But once I did return and reminded myself of the fruits of repentance and the pure joy of forgiveness, I could never go back. I continued to make mistakes and I continued to fall short. I continue to fall short. But that day when I cried tears of joy in a church parking lot, I felt Christ so palpably and so near, I knew I could never go back. I knew I had to keep trying. My soul had been starved for so long and once I felt the grace of Jesus Christ, which I only had to ask for, returning into my very being, I couldn’t go back.

    I plead for all of God’s children, all of you, my brothers and sisters, to not give up. Ask for that forgiveness, endure the guilt, and feel the overwhelming joy.

    Brother Wilcox in continuing to describe me, “…guilt is almost unbearable. They don’t dare talk to a bishop. Instead, they hide. They say, “I can’t do this Mormon thing. I’ve tried, and the expectations are just way too high.” So they quit. These young men don’t understand grace.”

    I definitely didn’t understand grace until I’d felt it’s full magnitude. Don’t give up on who you are. Don’t give up on who you can become. Don’t forget your true identity. “In all of these cases there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).”

    “Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source.”

    Let Christ be your constant energy source. Don’t give up.

    “I testify that God’s grace is sufficient. Jesus’ grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is all we need. Oh, young people, don’t quit. Keep trying. Don’t look for escapes and excuses. Look for the Lord and His perfect strength. Don’t search for someone to blame. Search for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and, as you do, I promise you will feel the enabling power we call His amazing grace… I believe in you. I’m pulling for you… And Jesus is pulling with you.”

    -Brad Wilcox

    What has Christ done for us? What has God given us? President Nelson reminded us:

    “In short, They have offered you everything! Heavenly Father’s plan for His children allows us to live where and how He lives and ultimately to become more and more like Him. His plan literally makes the richest blessings of all eternity available to us, including the potential for us to become ‘joint-heirs with Christ’ (Romans 8:17).”

    “God will do “everything He can, short of violating your agency, to help you not miss out on the greatest blessings in all eternity.”

    Don’t give up. Don’t be discouraged. Never forget your divine heritage and what it affords you. You are a child of God! A joint heir with our Savior, the King, Jesus Christ. Don’t ever replace your identity with something temporary, that only this world gives. Satan abandoned his identity and now he wants nothing more but to deceive you into abandoning yours. Don’t do it!

    I bear my testimony that Christ’s Grace is Sufficient. He died for me, and He died for you. He did it all. There’s nothing we can do to screw it up if we just turn to Him. There’s nothing we can possibly do to make God abandon us. He loves us with a love we can’t comprehend.

    One day we’ll stand before Him, our Father, and we’ll remember. We’ll remember what love truly is, and we’ll remember who we are. Remember today and move towards that glorious light of living with Him, our Savior, and our families through eternity.

  • Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    I want to share a story that just happened to me.

    I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know what happened. That’s why I’m writing it. Maybe writing it down will help me to understand.

    It’s 1/2/25 at 9:00 in the morning. It’s my first day back at work in something like 2 weeks. I’m driving to a client’s office. I’m listening to a podcast called Y Religion. They’re discussing 50 relics of the restoration; 50 items from the time the gospel of Jesus Christ was being restored.

    They mention a microphone used by Spencer W. Kimball. I love Spencer W. Kimball. He is one of my favorite prophets.

    As I’m writing this, I’m remembering what they talked about before this microphone. What they talked about before this microphone was the original manuscript of Jesus the Christ written by James E. Talmage. They emphasized that the writing of Jesus the Christ, one of the most impactful books of my life, was inspired by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints attempting to re-emphasize its focus on what is most important: Jesus Christ.

    The podcasters said sometimes the culture needs to be reminded of what our most important focus is.

    I wondered if the Church needs that reminder again today.

    I remember thinking that President Russell M. Nelson, a prophet today, is trying.

    They talked about the microphone. Brad Wilcox, the provider of one of my all-time favorite talks/speeches/dissertations (His Grace is Sufficient) started talking about Spencer W. Kimball. He shared a story from when he was on his mission and for the first time would hear a radio broadcast of General Conference. Back in those days, certain countries only got Conference in written word months after Conference completed. Brad Wilcox as a young missionary was disappointed when the radio turned on and he realized it was just a translator. Of course it was a translator. The message needed to be broadcast to this particular area in Spanish.

    Then, he said, Spencer W. Kimball came on the radio with his telltale, well-known scratchy voice. The small group of saints asked Brad, “Who is that????”

    He replied, and as he told the story he choked up, “That is the prophet of God.”

    On the podcast, they then started to discuss the sacrifice that Spencer Kimball went through – losing his vocal cords and continuing to preach, speak regularly, and guide God’s church.

    I thought about that sacrifice.

    What have we gone through?

    Have we lost our vocal cords and then been asked to continue to preach?

    I thought about that sacrifice. I thought about that prophet of God. I thought about that voice.

    And while I was driving in the car, I was crying. I didn’t even know I was crying. I didn’t know why I was crying. I still don’t know why I was crying.

    I started thinking about why I was crying.

    They talked about the kindness of Spencer W. Kimball and how losing his vocal cords made him so gentle, so empathetic to the suffering of others.

    I thought about my current calling as Elders Quorum President.

    I thought about how much I fall short in that calling.

    I thought about telling my quorum that I’m a bad ministering brother. But I try. And asking them, who are also bad ministering brothers, to also try.

    I thought about all the suffering I’ve learned about in our ward since becoming president. I thought about all the loneliness and sickness and illness and suffering and heartache.

    I thought about my daughters.

    I thought about the client I was about to see and some of the personal things he had told me about his family when he invited me to a Suns game once.

    I thought about the suffering of his family.

    I thought about all the suffering my daughters would have to endure in this life.

    And I asked why.

    And I cried harder.

    And I reminded myself of why.

    We know the why. Luckily, I know the why. I’ve written about it here a hundred times.

    And then I pulled up to a light. And I looked directly at a homeless man. And I thought about giving him a dollar. And I wondered if the light was going to change. And I thought about how I didn’t want him to have to limp over to me for a dollar. Then he started to limp over to me. And I let him pass. And I let him walk back by me. And I wondered if he had a drug addiction.

    And I thought about all the suffering in the world.

    And I cried.

    I wrote this. And I still don’t know quite what it means.

    I know the world is going to get a lot harder and there’s going to be a lot of suffering.

    And I’m going to ask why, despite knowing the answer.

    And I realize that sometimes knowing why will make it easier, maybe even help, and sometimes, maybe it won’t.

    And I worry about my daughters.

    And I worry about this world.

    And I worry about all the lost and lonely people.

    And I wonder why.

    And I want Jesus Christ to come back so it can stop. I want to help. But my efforts seem so small and fruitless. I’m a bad ministering brother and a bad Elders Quorum President and I wonder, I can’t possibly be who God needs in this position now.

    And I feel so small.

    And I just want Christ to come back and fix it all.

    But I know before that happens this all has to get a lot harder. It has to get so much harder.

    And I worry.

    And I have faith.

    And I wonder if my faith is enough.

    And I cry.

    So I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, hoping the client can’t tell that I’ve been crying. And I go about my day, always with why in the back of my mind.

  • Beth’s Talk on Mosiah 3:19 (January)

    Beth’s Talk on Mosiah 3:19 (January)

    This is a talk, exactly as written, by Beth, that she gave in church in January. She rehearsed the talk verbally to me multiple times before I heard it in church. Of course, through hearing it I knew it was a great talk, but it wasn’t until proofreading and preparing to post this that I was struck by how phenomenal a talk this really was. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as much as I did. And now, Beth –

    Mosiah 3:19 Talk
    January 9, 2022
    Good morning brothers and sisters.
    I wanted to start by introducing my family as we are one of the families that were blended into this ward with the recent changes in the stake. My name is Elisabeth Quackenbush. My husband is Brayden Quackenbush. We met in the Scottsdale Young Single Adult Ward in 2017 and have been married for over 2 years. We have a one year old daughter named Ivy. You’ll see her running around Sunday School for another 5 months but she is very excited to start nursery after that.

    The topic I was given to speak on this morning is the scripture Mosiah 3:19. When I was informed this was my assignment I wasn’t really surprised. This scripture comes into my mind a lot and is brought up in conversations about life all the time when I’m chatting with my husband. I think it sticks in my mind because it stands in such contrast to a lot of the attitudes of the world these days.

    For those of you that memorized scripture mastery back in the day you may remember this scripture, but as a reminder, this scripture is King Benjamin speaking to his people in the Book of Mormon. It reads,

    “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

    When we break down this verse, we can derive meaning in a variety of ways. The first that I noted is that the natural man is inherently selfish. The second is the importance of change to the Eternal Plan of Happiness.

    Boyd K Packer stated in his 1990 talk, “Put Off the Natural Man, and Come Off
    Conqueror”:
    “Unchecked selfishness [of the natural man] stubbornly blocks the way for developing all of the divine qualities: love, mercy, patience, long-suffering, kindness, graciousness, goodness, and gentleness. Any tender sprouts from these virtues are sheared off by sharp selfishness. Contrariwise, I cannot think of a single gospel covenant the keeping of which does not shear off selfishness from us.”

    Through the influence of the Holy Ghost, and the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can and should change from the narrow focus of the natural man and become, “submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, and willing to submit to the will of God.”

    This idea of our ability and strength to change stands in stark contrast to the pervasive attitude of our society. This attitude states that we are born a certain way. We can’t change, and even shouldn’t want to change. If we do change, we are inauthentic. On the surface, this has a false sense of empowerment, I think. However, this idea that change is bad and that we must only be one way for the rest of our life is truly limiting, almost an eternal purgatory of mediocrity. Compare this to the freedom and growth permitted to us through Jesus Christ’s suffering, that we may improve and become like our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.

    My husband and I have had the opportunity to have many deep, religious
    conversations with friends of a variety of backgrounds. We often come across
    criticism of our faith’s belief that we can take steps, including repentance, baptism, and participating in temple ordinances, to change and become like God. We are accused of valuing works and forgetting the grace provided through Jesus Christ. On the contrary… His grace is the key element that permits us TO become new beings.

    In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we read, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new
    creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

    Brad Wilcox does a beautiful job in his BYU talk, “His Grace is Sufficient” at outlining how the Atonement of Jesus Christ, through His death and resurrection, provides us the need to change… (forgive me for this lengthy quote but as many of you know, this talk is incredible…)

    “[Yes, we are saved by Grace but] Have you been changed by grace? [We] are so excited about being saved that we are not thinking enough about what comes next. We are so happy the debt is paid that we may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for.

    “A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ’s life. While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us,
    Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.

    “As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed.“

    Again, just think for a minute… how does that compare to what we are being taught by the world? I can’t change, I shouldn’t change…

    HOW DO WE PUT OFF THE NATURAL MAN AND BECOME LIKE CHRIST?

    We can actively seek this positive change…

    In her 1998 BYU Speech, Wendy Watson, now well known as Wendy Nelson, lists some ways. One is reflection. She notes how Alma directs this type of reflection:

    “Just how does Alma invite these change-inducing reflections? One way is through his use of questions. In Alma 5 alone, more than 40 questions are offered—questions like:
    ‘Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? . . .
    . . . If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?‘ [Alma 5:14, 26]. Through the process of persistent questioning, Alma invites us to reflect over and over again: on our status with the Lord, on our spiritual growth and development, on things that need to change or have changed—and before we know it our desire for more change increases.”

    Another idea is to listen to the uplifting voices of authority in your life remembering, “As helpful as human voices of authority are, none can or should replace the ultimate voice of authority—the Word himself: the Savior Jesus Christ. What are you doing to hear his voice in your life? What are you doing to establish his voice as the voice of authority for you?”

    Other ways we can develop this change to become more like Him… Consistently and earnestly repent, seek out holy places, take steps of faith, pray to Him daily.”

    Sometimes change finds us…whether it be through loss, grief, depression, or trials in life, change is often thrust upon us in this mortal life. Again, the world finds few answers as to why there is such suffering and grief in the world. His eternal plan of growth and development is sometimes the only answer that makes sense. If we are to become like Christ, our innocent brother that felt all the sufferings of the world, how can we expect to be truly changed without some suffering of our own?

    Peter in speaking of [trials], said: “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

    When we endure this life, put off the natural man, and develop into more Christ-like beings, we set ourselves up to feel an even greater degree of joy in this life and in eternity.

    This topic makes me think of a time when I came back to church after living a life that was not in line with what I knew to be right. I made many positive changes when I started coming back and attending the Scottsdale Young Single Adult ward. I starting observing the sabbath day, stopped a lifestyle of college partying, broke off a serious relationship, and made several other difficult but important decisions.

    However, with all this positive change and shunning of the enticings of the natural man, I still felt like I wasn’t receiving the blessings I thought I would. I wallowed in self pity over my own suffering for a while because of this and even wondered if all of my change was for nothing.

    However, I eventually decided I would stop focusing on what I needed and instead turned outward. I made it my mission to seek anyone in my ward that seemed lonely as I was. I sought opportunities to serve those that were also going through a variety of trials. And a miracle happened! The less I focused on my pain, my loneliness, my loss, and focused on loving those around me as Christ did, I really came to find true joy.

    I couldn’t believe how sincerely I loved everyone around me. I didn’t feel lonely. I developed new, Christ-like attributes. And ultimately, I shunned the ultimate trait of the natural man – selfishness. What a blessing that lesson was for my life.

    I know how hard it can be to put off the feelings we have as humans in a difficult mortal journey. It is something we will actively have to work for as long as we live. However, I know that when we let ourselves change and take on the characteristics of Christ we will prepare ourselves to find real joy in eternity. We will truly have cause to rejoice in his second coming.

    I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.