Quick update on my recovery. Nothing short of a miracle. The cover picture you’ve already seen is my head and arm today. It’s amazing. Read to the end to see the healing my head has gone through. Be warned, it is NOT pretty.
There has been real fear that I would have a permanent divot in my head. Like a mini crater. It was a likelihood that I would have a permanent bald spot. There were concerns about it healing and sealing up properly. There were many concerns.
I never concerned myself with much of this. It was something Beth and others would discuss. For one, I’m old, married, with a kid anyways. I always thought a bald spot would bother me. Once you get old, who really cares. Secondly, I didn’t concern myself with it because I knew it would work itself out.
Where I used to fear touching because there was a hole and I didn’t want to fully know what was going on back there, is now just a scab. Where we thought I might have a permanent crater and baldness, you can’t even tell there is an injury. My hair has grown long and now it blends in with the scab that has filled in my head.
There was some concern about how my arm might heal. I briefly had thoughts about whether the healing skin would tighten up and restrict movement. It’s my shooting shoulder! I set aside those concerns. It would heal or it wouldn’t. I wish I had the poetic ability to properly describe how it has transformed. From extremely painful, you’ve seen the pictures, to basically looking like a scratch. As of right now, it looks like I got a mild sunburn.
The third thing aside from my head and arm that was a concern was the helicopter bill. Our initial bill was for $46,198.50. You can imagine this would cause some amount of stress. I can say that Beth was pretty stressed about it. I say this with little pride, I like to think she was positively affected by my calm outlook. This is more due to our different demeanors than anything. It’s something I’ve written about before. Where Beth is pragmatic and planning, I like to think God will take care of it. See The Chance of Faith for more on that. God is likely more on Beth’s side. But I was not worried. We would have to pay it, or we wouldn’t. Either way, God was watching.
Despite my lack of worry and naïve, innocent belief that all would work out, I was still not looking forward to paying $46,000. For that reason, it was quite a relief when, after Beth’s work with forms and paperwork, our bill was dramatically decreased. I won’t give the exact amount, leave some intrigue, but I will say the decrease was ridiculous.
What’s the moral of the story?
I’m lucky?
Yes, I am.
I mentioned when I was on the ATV my brother gave me a priesthood blessing. I asked him 3 days after the accident what he said in the blessing. He replied that I was blessed that I would heal, and Beth wouldn’t lose me anytime soon. Again, my healing has been nothing short of miraculous. Anyone who has seen my head progress over the past 6 weeks is blown away. It’s unbelievable.
Am I lucky?
Yes, I am.
When I was 25 years old, I was ordained an Elder and given the Melchizedek Priesthood. I was so excited I invited every person I knew to be there. I was receiving the power and authority of God, to act in the name of Jesus Christ. I could heal, bless, baptize, and give the gift of the holy ghost. It was the most important moment in my life at that point.
Here is my testimony. The priesthood is the power and authority of God gifted to His children here on earth. When my brother laid his hands on my head and blessed me with health, it wasn’t the average prayer. The power that coursed from his hands to my bleeding head, the authority I myself had given him just months prior, that power literally healed me. That blessing was in affect and ordained by God. My brother worked hard to be worthy to bless me in that moment. That blessing came from heaven.
The priesthood authority is not mythical. It is not imaginary. It is a real power to act in God’s name. When I was blessed on that ATV, I was healed. I know it as sure as I am still breathing and typing this.
It’s a miracle how I’ve healed. I couldn’t heal like this without divine authority. I couldn’t heal like this unless God intended it to be. I was blessed by his power and authority. Why was I at peace throughout this process? Because 3 days in I asked my brother what he blessed me with that day. When he said, “you’ll heal,” I knew it would be. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind.
I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough for what he has blessed me with. Last week I was able to bless my daughter with the same priesthood authority. I know the blessing I gave my daughter was ordained by God and will also be in full affect. I can’t thank God enough for the priesthood He has blessed me with. How it blesses my life and my family’s life every day.
I know that the authority to act in God’s name must come by the proper channels. I know that Joseph Smith was visited by Peter, James, and John and given the keys to this priesthood power. I know the Church of Jesus Christ was restored and we are blessed by His delegating those keys to us, to simple, flawed man. He has trusted us with power. I am grateful to Joseph Smith for restoring the priesthood power and authority. I’m grateful for every blessing I’ve received and given in my life.
I know that God has authorized this. I look forward to the day when I can kneel before him in humble amazement and ask how He could love us so much, that He would give us all He has.
This my testimony in the sacred name of Jesus Christ.
________________________________________
I will provide some picture evidence of the miraculous nature of my recover.
*****WARNING*****
Please don’t keep scrolling if you get queasy easily. These are pictures I refused to look at until today. You can call me a wimp, but I had to step outside for some fresh air after seeing them. You’ve been warned.
*Edit -Two days before posting this I read this in Unlimited Power by Tony Robbins:
“Let’s consider the habit of smoking cigarettes… They contribute to everything from cancer to heart disease… People have every reason in the world not to smoke. Yet the tobacco industry continues to profit, and millions of people continue to smoke cigarettes, with more starting all the time. Why is that?
People may learn to enjoy the experience of smoking, but is that what got them started?.. What happened when they first smoked? They hated it. They coughed and gagged and felt nauseated. Their body said, ‘This stuff is terrible. Get it away from me.’ In most cases if your own physcal evidence tells you something is bad, you would expect to listen. So why don’t people do that with smoking? Why do they continue to smoke until the body gives in and finally becomes addicted?
They do it because they’ve been reframed as to what smoking means, and then that new representation and state have been anchored into place. Someone with a great deal of knowledge about persuasion has spent millions and millions of dollars to convince the public that smoking is something desirable. Through skillful advertising, clever images and sounds were used to put us in positive-feeling states; then those desired states (paradigm shift) were associated with or linked to a product called cigarettes. Through massive repetition, the idea of smoking has been linked with various desirable states. There’s no inherent value or social content to a piece of paper wrapped around tiny tobacco leaves. But we’ve been persuaded that smoking is sexy, or suave, or adult, or macho…
How crazy is this? What in the world does putting carcinogens into your lungs have to do with any desirable state? But advertisers do on a mass scale exactly what we’ve talked about in this book. They put out images that put you in a receptive, elevated state-and at the peak of the experience, they anchor you with their message. Then they repeat it on television, in magazines, or on the radio so that the anchor gets constantly reinforced and triggered.”
My own emphasis (underlines) and commentary (in parentheses) were added. Eerie. This book is copyright 1986. Do you think advertisers have let up? Do we think Lucifer is deciding to go easier on us? Anyone reading the above might say, “well cigarettes aren’t cool anymore, and they’re definitely not advertised the same.” Go to any bar and look at the mass of people outside. Then if you really think things have changed, pay closer attention to the next liquor/beer commercial you see. Shouldn’t take long. We’re bombarded by them all day, every day. I’ll now get to my original post. That was a long side-tangent.
Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once gave an address at BYU where he talked about a discussion he had. The discussion was about the influence of evil and the consequences of bad choices. Elder Cook was given an interesting hypothetical: how would Lucifer present his plan to an advertising agency?
“The adversary described his dilemma: he and his followers had rebelled and rejected the Father’s plan and had come to understand that they could not prevail against God. Lucifer understood that while the Father’s plan was about joy and happiness, his own plan resulted in grief and misery. The problem, Lucifer explained to the ad executive, was how to attract followers.”
Lucifer would determine that the only way he could win would be to achieve a “paradigm shift.” He would need to convince us that what he wanted us to do would result in happiness, joy, and freedom while following God would result in misery, lack of freedom, and bondage.
“This hypothetical meeting serves a useful purpose. The truth is, not only do the enemies of the Father’s plan attempt to undermine the doctrine and principles of the plan, but they also attempt to mischaracterize the blessings that flow from the plan. Their basic effort is to make that which is good, righteous, and joyful seem miserable.”
It’s an amazing thing to consider how humans gravitate towards what destroys them. As the lyrics from OneRepublic’s song Counting Stars says, “Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.”
Consider the most obvious examples. Everyday millions of people drink literal poison. Here’s the amazing thing, you just read that and depending on who you are you thought of a different beverage from someone else. There are multiple poisonous drinks consumed every day. Am I referring to soda or alcohol? Both? How about cigarettes? I’m blown away every time I see someone smoking one. Like, “you know that is actually decaying your body from the inside out right?” Don’t care.
There are certain things that we have been asked to avoid in this modern day. We don’t always know why we avoid certain things. What I do know is that faithfully trying to follow God leads to blessings, both spiritual and temporal.
This leads to an important question.
Why do you think God doesn’t want you to sin?
Is it because He wants to control and tell you what to do?
Why wouldn’t He just force you not to sin then? He’s God.
Why does God hate and abhor sin?
God hates and detests sin because He know what the results of sin are: unhappiness, pain, suffering.
God doesn’t hate sin; He hates the unhappiness it leads to.
God is love. God is peace. God is joy.
I think about this often. I used to wallow in my sin and wonder why I was so miserable. Now that I’ve drawn closer to God, I’m so much happier. I see others stuck in the same pattern I was in and I desperately wish they would see there is another way. You don’t need to drink alcohol until you forget, to find happiness. You don’t need the lifestyle you think is bringing you joy, but you know is not.
Does God want you to be happy? An emphatic YES.
Does God want you to have freedom? An even more emphatic YES.
God would rather you have freedom even more than happiness. Otherwise, He would force you to make the choices that bring you joy. He refuses to do that. Your freedom means more to God even more than your happiness. To find true happiness you must choose it. To find true love you must gravitate towards it. We see this in what He’s given us, our agency. We always have the option to choose.
God’s plan, the Plan of happiness is meant to do just that. Bring happiness.
That doesn’t mean we all find joy the exact same way. That doesn’t mean we’re all on the same path. But I do believe the path of greatest joy leads to the being who gave us this whole experience. If life is hard, come to God and he will lighten your burdens. If life is joyful, we owe it to Him. Joy, growth, and freedom go hand in hand. We are meant to find these things during our mortal journey.
I use alcohol as an example because I believe it’s the easiest to use as an example, and because it’s what I have personal experience with. I’ve tried that life. I know alcohol doesn’t bring happiness. In fact, the terrible impact of alcohol on young brains and adult lives is now medically established.
A study from Harvard in the 1940s on success and happiness found:
“This study contains three significant insights. First, adult happiness has a high correlation with childhood family happiness, especially love and affection from parents. Second is the importance of a healthy, stable marriage to lifelong happiness. Third is the negative effect of alcohol on marital and lifetime success and happiness. Alcohol abuse touches one-third of families in the United States and is involved in one-fourth of hospital admissions. It plays a major role in death, bad health, and diminished accomplishment.”
The above quote was from the 1940s!! Has alcohol consumption gone down?
Notice the three things this study found that lead to happiness:
Love and affection from parents
Stable marriage
Alcohol avoidance
It’s no wonder the family has been attacked so aggressively the past 80 years. The paradigm shift has officially happened. Society says it’s about me, not my kids, kids take away MY freedom. Divorce. Drink and be merry. This isn’t happiness.
When the gospel of Jesus Christ was restored on the earth, soon after, the advice was given to abstain from strong drinks (Doctrine and Covenants section 89). The Word of Wisdom has blessed my life. It was established a century before studies started to prove its temporal benefit.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ brings happiness. I know this personally, from my experience following it. It only occurred to me recently that many of my friends and people I care a lot about really don’t think this happiness is an option for them. I know many of my friends and people around me are happy. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is there is always more joy to be gained. The Gospel of Jesus Christ isn’t an exclusive club. I wasn’t chosen to be a part of it because I’m lucky. I’m a part of it because it makes me happy, and that option is available to everyone.
I know a lot of people think “organized religion” or “God” or maybe even “a family” isn’t meant for them. I just want to remind anyone taking the time to read, happiness is for everyone. Happiness is something we all can find.
I know many of my friends think I’ve become a religious nut. Good. I have. The reason is because I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I used to invite people around me to bars, or parties, or to gamble. I’ve invited people to participate with me in things I thought brought me happiness. So why wouldn’t I invite every person I come in contact with now that I’ve found real happiness?
I wish I could shout it from the rooftops. I wish I was bolder about it than I am. I wish I could tell the entire world: you deserve to be happy. Find your happiness, however you need to. But I will tell you this, Jesus Christ is the source of all love. Therefore, He is the source of all truth and light. For that reason, He is the source of all happiness. I’ve learned that for myself and hope we all can, on our timeline.
I know where I come from. I know where I’m going. I know why I’m here. I know what happens when I leave here. I know I’ll be with my family forever. I know my daughter and my wife, who I’ve known for countless days, going all the way back to our premortal existence, I know I will be with them for eternity. This is true joy.
I know these things. Knowing these things bring me comfort. Knowing these things makes me happy. The choices and changes I’ve made in my life have brought me happiness I never thought I deserved. This happiness is for everyone.
I initially tried to write this post with the hope of using scripture and doctrine and principles to convince anyone who would read that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God’s true church, restored from the meridian of time on the same principles that Christ established while He was here. I have agonized over this post. Eventually I realized something obvious. No one is going to read this and dive into the deep scriptural and doctrinal references that add to the truth claims of this church. Plenty has been written on the truth claims of this church. All of it by much more learned and accomplished religious scholars than I. For the best intellectual break down of every truth claim of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, A Marvelous Work and a Wonder is the book to read.
What I can do is reference some scriptures, but ultimately give my testimony of this Church and Christ’s gospel. This will be my best attempt to explain why it’s important to have one faith, one body, one church (Ephesians 4:5).
Into some scripture from the Book of Mormon:
“Thou hast beheld that if the Gentiles repent it shall be well with them; and thou also knowest concerning the covenants of the Lord unto the house of Israel; and thou also hast heard that whoso repenteth not must perish.”
In a recent post He Lives I talked about why any church is important. Why covenants? Why repenting? Because it turns us to Jesus Christ.
“And he said unto me: Behold there are save two churches only; the one is the church of the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil; wherefore, whoso belongeth not to the church of the Lamb of God belongeth to that great church, which is the mother of abominations; and she is the whore of all the earth.”
It’s important to note that this scripture doesn’t mean if you don’t belong to the Church of Jesus Christ you belong to the Church of the Devil. But. An important point is made. There is a church of the Lamb of God. There is a church that if Christ were here today, He would be the head of. There is a church that Christ is the head of spiritually. It must be. God and Jesus Christ have not left us. What this scripture is saying is you either must follow the devil or follow Christ and there will be a church on the earth with proper keys and authority to help you in following Jesus Christ.
“There is only light and darkness; there is no dusky twilight zone [in regard to covenant salvation]. Either men walk in the light or they cannot be saved. Anything less than salvation is not salvation. It may be better to walk in the twilight or to glimpse the first few rays of a distant dawn than to be enveloped in total darkness, but salvation itself is only for those who step forth into the blazing light of the noonday sun.”
Bruce R. McConkie
The beauty of the doctrine taught by Joseph Smith (given him from Jesus Christ) is that everyone will have a chance to hear the gospel. Every one will have their chance to choose to walk in the light. Agency is a core truth in God’s Plan. Without agency it would all be for not. What would our faith and devotion mean if it was by coercion? There is an idea perpetuated by other faiths and churches that if you aren’t baptized you are doomed to hell or if you don’t believe a certain way, you’re destined for eternal suffering. This is not how God works. It can’t be. Where is the grace, love, and compassion in that plan? Many faiths that emphasize the grace of Christ also claim hell as the destination for those who have never heard of Him. All will have their chance to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. We are all the more blessed if we accept Him while here on earth when we are walking completely by faith. The covenants we make here draw us closer to Him These are truthful doctrines taught by Joseph Smith that should speak to all hearts that believe in a God who is our loving Father.
“Many in the religious world claim that no church is better than any other, just different. As “all roads lead to Rome,” it is reasoned that all beliefs must lead to heaven. If all religious paths do indeed lead to heaven, the righteous will be at a considerable disadvantage. If the gates of the celestial city are to be thrown open that widely, why the need for Apostles and prophets, their doctrines, their priesthood and keys; indeed, why the need for the Savior himself and a strait and narrow way? The doctrine of one true church is as offensive to much of the Christian world today as was the testimony of Christ anciently that he was “the way, the truth, and the life”” (John 14:6).
Joseph McConkie and Robert Millet
Part of my agonizing over this post was the fear of offending all my friends of other faiths. I would never want to disparage other churches and especially any church that leads to God and faith in Jesus Christ. That said, I will not apologize for claiming Christ has ONE church.
“There is only one true way to eternal life and that is by obedience to valid covenants. That is what the Book of Mormon testifies. When one comes to an understanding of the Lord’s covenant process of salvation, what great things the Lord did with our fathers in bringing them to a knowledge of this covenant process, and that this message is being sent forth to all the world, then one can not help but become convinced that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations.”
I can’t agree with Brother Miner’s words more because that is what I have experienced. My baptism, the priesthood, my temple covenants draw me to Jesus Christ in a way that would not be possible otherwise. I know others can come to Christ and be devoted to Him without these covenants. What shall be bound on earth shall be sealed in heaven. We aren’t here for worldy things but for eternal. I am grateful for my covenants. They draw me closer to my Heavenly Father, my Savior, and eternity.
“For the time speedily shall come that all churches which are built up to get gain, and all those who are built up to get power over the flesh, and those who are built up to become popular in the eyes of the world, and those who seek the lusts of the flesh and the things of the world, and to do all manner of iniquity; yea, in fine, all those who belong to the kingdom of the devil are they who need fear, and tremble, and quake; they are those who must be brought low in the dust; they are those who must be consumed as stubble; and this is according to the words of the prophet.”
I will not talk down on other churches. But does that scripture strike a chord with anyone else? Sound familiar. These are the churches of our day. They draw near to God with their lips but deny the power thereof (Joseph Smith History 1:19, 2 Timothy 3:5).
This will continue to be a theme of my writing. My greatest desire is for others to experience the love of Jesus Christ as I have felt it. This comes through covenants. This comes from knowing who we follow. This comes from knowing what He has done for us.
I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church on the earth today. There are many churches that do much good. But there is one way. Covenants are only binding if they are initiated by God. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the establishment by which Christ initiates his covenants with man. This is my testimony. In His name.
These things are all amazing. These are all fruits of the gospel.
But.
Why are they amazing?
After seeing a great vision of eternity, of all the heavens, of the glory, love, and light we will all receive in the next life, after this vision, Joseph Smith and Sydney Rigdon wrote this:
“And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father.” (Doctrine and Covenants 76:22)
How I wish I could scream this to the world. Jesus Christ lives! He died for you, for each of us. He died so you need not fear death, trials, or tribulations. You needn’t fear anything. He died for your reassurance. He died for your comfort. He died for your sins. He died for you.
All those things mentioned at the start are amazing, glorious, and wonderful because they point to one thing: Him. Jesus Christ. The Savior of the world. Without Him all of it would be for nothing. Temples, prophets, scripture, what good are they? They are only good for what they point us to. The light and love of this world. Jesus Christ.
I wish the world could see this. I wish the world could see that all these things are just tools pointing to someone far greater.
Ultimately the gospel of Jesus Christ brings comfort. The Plan of Salvation brings peace. The Plan of Happiness makes this life a joy. How could this life be anything less when you know the bigger picture?
I don’t fear trials because I know they help me grow.
I don’t fear tribulations because I know they benefit me for eternity.
I don’t fear death because I know where I’m going if I continue to look to Christ.
I wrote this months ago. Now I’m coming off a situation that has been a trial and tribulation. I believe I can say with a little more confidence today that I don’t fear death.
It can be naïve to say I welcome trials and tribulations when life is wonderful and peaceful. I appreciate that my life is wonderful and peaceful because of the Gospel and the peace it preemptively brings me before trials. It’s easy to say these things when everything is going well. I’m glad I can say them when things are hard as well.
Despite current challenges, I feel so blessed.
Of course, I don’t want tests and trials, but I know when they come, they are for a great purpose. I hope when opportunities come for my faith to be tested it can feel like an open book test. I hope I can face trials in life as if I have the answers, which I believe I do. It’s easy to say until a true tragedy hits my life. I don’t hope for a true tragedy, but I hope for the strength and faith to endure tragedy if it comes.
Coming off the accident I had, I still don’t feel like I’ve gone through a tremendous trial. It has been challenging, but not overly. I don’t feel like it has been that difficult at all. I don’t know how much of that is the fact that the challenge wasn’t actually difficult or due to all the support I have around me, especially the support of God.
These are all the benefits of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I wish the world had this same peace I have been profoundly blessed to be given.
“We need to wait for a helicopter. It’s 2 hours by road to the nearest hospital. You might have internal bleeding in your brain. You might die before we could get you there.”
I was in the back of an ambulance for the first time. It’s an interesting thing to wonder if you’re being melodramatic about dying and then being told by an EMT that you might die. It becomes a real possibility, if it wasn’t already.
My family rented ATVs over the weekend. We rented a cabin and stayed in Duck Creek, near Cedar City, Utah. We had the ATVs for four hours. My family went out first while Beth and I stayed at the cabin with Ivy. Then Beth and I swapped in for my mom and sister.
There were nine of us total and three ATVs. Two of the ATVs held four people and one of them held two. When Beth and I swapped in I drove with Beth in the front seat, my dad and brother in the back seat. We drove to Mammoth caves and explored. After 30 or so minutes looking at the caves, we went back to the ATVs to off road for our last 90 minutes before the ATVs had to be returned.
Moments before the accident
Beth hadn’t driven so we made her drive. My brother Garrick and his girlfriend Arielle rode in the back. We reminded Beth that if you’re not flipping the ATV you’re not trying. My uncle Jon led in the two-seater and my brother Dresdan drove the other four-seater behind them. We took up the rear so Beth could go at her own pace and not feel the pressure of Dresdan bearing down on her.
I had one glove off because I was eating airheads from my pocket. Beth was driving as cautiously as expected and the other two vehicles got ahead of us. I had a thought cross my mind: ‘I bet it would be safer to have no seatbelt on. It would probably be safer to be thrown out of this thing than stuck and crushed inside of it.’ I did have my seatbelt on. That thought I had was undoubtedly wrong.
I’ll describe what I remember next. Then I’ll tell the whole story from the perspective of those who stayed conscious throughout.
We were coming up on a turn. We were not going that fast. I had driven with much more reckless abandon when I was behind the wheel. We came up on this turn and Beth began to break and then we started to tip.
The next thing I remember was feeling pinned down and stuck. I couldn’t see anything. But I was stuck. My arm couldn’t move. I believe I started yelling.
The next thing I remember was the feeling of flipping over.
I still couldn’t see anything.
The next thing I remember was hearing crying and screaming from Beth. I told her I was going to be ok. It was going to be ok. I still couldn’t see anything.
The next thing I remember was moving. Jon was in the driver’s seat next to me. Someone was behind me holding something down firmly on my head.
It is fascinating how the brain works in moments of trauma. How was I thinking so clearly?
I asked if an ambulance was called and was told yes. It occurred to me, we drove way out into these trails. We were at least 30 minutes from anything. I asked who was behind me. Dresdan. It crossed my mind: the firmer whatever is on my head is being pressed down, the more likely I am to survive. I asked Dresdan to push down harder. He did, and it hurt. I asked him to push down less hard. I put my hand up and held it myself and asked Dresdan to support on top of my hand. I felt him start checking my neck and spine with his other hand. I put my right, gloved hand out the window and started flexing my fingers. I was tapping my legs repeatedly. I was acutely aware of the importance of staying awake.
I was staring through the windshield and thought I saw a crack. I stared harder and realized there was no crack, my vision was getting blurry. I was so tired. I told Jon and Dresdan that my vision was getting blurry and I was very tired. I told Dresdan to talk to me. He said something to me, and I can’t remember what it was. It wasn’t a conversation starter. I put my hand on Jon’s leg and squeezed. He put his hand on mine and held it. I asked Dresdan about the book I’d given him to read. He told me it was good and that I’d really like the one he gave me for Christmas. I talked about the book he had just read briefly, then got quiet. I was awake enough.
I asked Dresdan to give me a blessing. It was too loud. He would have to yell it. The talking I’d already done had made my head throb. I asked him to quietly give me a priesthood blessing.
I’ve always wondered how I would react at the prospect of death. It’s easy to say you don’t fear dying but what about when you actually might die?
I’ve always hoped there would be no fear, just faith.
On a destroyed ATV, soaked in my own blood, I learned the answer. I wasn’t afraid to die. While I wasn’t afraid to die something kept coming to my mind on repeat. My daughter is 6 weeks old. I want to see her again. Beth was driving, she can’t live with this guilt. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, I need to see her again. I love Beth so much and can’t have her live with this pain. I want to see my daughter again. I love my wife.
Beth’s cries in that moment of blackness were in my mind. I could hear her grief. Could she live with this? I might die. Probably not. I was conscious. I was awake. Dresdan was keeping pressure on the wound. I would be fine.
But what if I wasn’t?
In that moment I confirmed what I’d always known. The two most important things in this world are God and family. In that moment I prayed relentlessly. I believe the blessing and my prayers kept me awake. What else mattered in that moment but God and my family?
Nothing.
I wanted to see my mom again, I wanted to see my dad again, I wanted to see my brothers and sisters. More than anything I wanted to see Ivy again. It hit me, maybe I wouldn’t. I realized, just in case, I should say something that needed to be said. I told Jon he had to tell Beth that I was ok, and it wasn’t her fault. It was an accident.
We came to a crossroads in the trail. I remembered where we had come from and told Jon. Adie and Jared drove up in the two-seater and told Jon to follow them to the main road.
We got out to a main street and started driving. We came to an intersection and there was the ambulance. We pulled into a dirt lot. I was surrounded by people I didn’t know. I was asked a lot of questions. They cut my clothes off of me and told me not to move my neck if I could help it. I was able to get my seatbelt off. They asked if I could get to the stretcher. I said I could with some help. I took the couple steps to the stretcher and they buckled me in. As I was taken to the ambulance, I saw Beth. Her eye was extremely swollen. She said she was ok. I was put into the ambulance.
This is where our story started. The EMT told me I might die.
Oh.
Ok.
It was real then.
Still no fear. Maybe that’s natural. Maybe the panic and shock takes precedence. I don’t know, I’ve only almost died this one time. The main EMT was a young blond guy. I asked him, “Are you a member of the church, you know, we’re in Utah right?”
He told me he wasn’t, he was raised in the church but had distanced himself from it. We had a conversation about the comfort I felt having that hope. He told me that hope was a powerful thing. He told me that hope told me that even if I died today, I would see my daughter again. He told me the other EMT in the ambulance was a member of the church.
I was told we had to wait for a helicopter. The drive was too long. I might die on the way. We had to wait. I was tapping my toes repeatedly. I was doing it to stay awake. I asked the EMT, Aidan, if it was ok. He said it was a panic response, my anxiety was high. He said it was natural, but if I could take some deep breaths and calm my body, that would help.
I haven’t been meditating all this time for nothing.
I took a few deep breaths and felt my body relax. He said my vitals (I don’t know, blood pressure?) improved and I was looking good.
They asked if I wanted my clothes that they’d cut off thrown out. I told them my garment top was there and it needed to be disposed of properly. Every person I saw from then on got the message that my garment top was present, and it was important it went with me.
The helicopter arrived and I was airlifted to the hospital. I asked the man sitting with me in the helicopter if he was a member of the church. He said he was just Christian. I told him we were part of the same family. He said he loves to discuss the differences. Oh, if I could have gotten his phone number.
In the ambulance they gave me pain medicine. What a difference that made. I was also told it was ok to sleep. I don’t know if I slept, I’m sure I at least dozed off.
At one point the man nudged me and told me we were going over Zion. I turned my head best I could and looked out. My first helicopter ride could have been better. Wasn’t the worst, though.
I arrived at the hospital and was wheeled in.
I can’t emphasize enough how kind every person was to me.
From Aidan, the first person I saw at the ambulance, to the helicopter, to the hospital. Every person treated me with love.
The next bit is a blur, so much happened.
I was given more pain medicine, my skull was numbed, they tried as best they could to clean out the wound in my head and arm, I did x-rays and a CT scan.
At one point a nurse told me something I did not want to hear. She tried to see if I wanted to hear it and I misunderstood and got much more information than I wanted. She could see my skull. Cool.
Eventually they determined I didn’t need surgery. Everything was good. They could staple me up.
The doctor counted 51 staples in my head, I counted 52. He said it wasn’t often they had to use a whole stapler. I was released the same day.
Sounds like it wasn’t that bad, right? You should see me now. My head has been leaking for three straight days and my shoulder is pretty morbid. I’ll put some pictures at the bottom for the sickos in the audience.
It all ended up being fine. I lived. I’m fine.
I should have died. If a couple things didn’t happen I wouldn’t have survived.
The parts that you (and I) missed. Apparently when the ATV flipped, my brother who was sitting back and to the left of me saw my body. He thought I was literally drowning in a pool of my blood.
The other two ATVs had stopped. They said something about knowing that was a slippery turn and wanting to wait. If the other two ATVs had gone on, I’m almost sure I would have died. Them stopping was the difference between me bleeding out in a tipped over ATV and living.
I firmly believe that I am protected by angels. Not just that day, but every day. I tell Beth often that God won’t take me a minute sooner than is my time. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that angels resided with me that day. I know the others were prompted by the spirit to stay. They were feet away when we flipped.
It is difficult to get a group of 8 people to do anything in a quick and organized fashion. Set aside the panic and fear that might have set in. I’ve never been more proud of my family than when I heard the steps they took to save my life.
My brother-in-law Jared heard me yelling and thought I was crushed. Every male in the group, my dad, Jon, Garrick, Dresdan, Jared and Easton immediately grabbed the ATV and flipped it over. Jon got in to drive. Dresdan got in behind me to keep pressure on my head. I learned later that Easton was in my ATV also.
Adie and Jared jumped in the two person ATV and drove off to get cell reception to call an ambulance.
The others got in the other ATV. Initially they were going to drive ahead also. Someone realized, since the other ATV had flipped, it might have an issue driving. They drove behind us the whole way in case the ATV I was still seat-belted into broke down.
Can you believe that? In minutes, every person in my family did exactly what was necessary. Without a moment’s hesitation they saved me.
The doctors at the hospital told me they couldn’t believe I still had my right arm. They told me they’d seen a ton of these accidents and almost every time the person’s arm is destroyed or gone. They said if I’d reached out my arm would be gone. I think the airhead I was eating might have played a part in saving my arm.
God and family.
It’s weird to look back on nearly dying.
I’m amazed at the peace I could feel in what should have been a terrifying moment. I knew if I was meant to die, I would. The only thing that mattered to me was that my wife knew I loved her and it absolutely, positively, was not her fault.
Leaving Ivy would have hurt. It would have hurt. It would have hurt. It would have hurt. But I know that she would have been so loved.
I know what’s important in this life. I’m grateful for trials and scary moments to reaffirm what I know.
God and family.
To all those that have prayed for me, thank you.
To the Hollerbach’s, thank you for sending us food the night we drove back from Utah.
Beth has been off the charts amazing since the accident. She is currently caring for a newborn and someone with a traumatic head injury. She drove us back from Utah, 7 hours, the very next day. I just wanted to get home.
Ivy slept the entire way. We had to wake her for the two stops to feed her. She would get back in her car seat and zonk out. God has blessed me with so much.
I feel it necessary, because Ivy will read this one day, to say something to her.
To my sweet girl when you were born my world stopped revolving around the sun. When I thought I might die, you were my first thought. I hope you never doubt how much I love you. You and your mom are the most important things in the world to me. Never doubt it. Because I did come close the other day. I know what’s important. I love you, Ivy. I love my family and I can’t say enough how grateful I am for them.
God and family.
The pictures below are kind of gross. View them at your own risk. I’ll keep the pictures I wish I never saw private.
No Coincidences 