No Coincidences

Tag: coaching

  • Profession of Faith

    Profession of Faith

    *Before I post this I want to unequivocably say that I respect any church and its teachings, especially if they bring people and families closer to Jesus Christ. I don’t get to interact with teenagers much outside of coaching, but from what I’ve seen with the girls I’ve gotten to coach at two catholic schools, they are kind, compassionate, intelligent, awesome young women.

    When I started coaching basketball at my second catholic high school, I had to sign a Profession of Faith.

    I started reading through the document.

    “I believe in one God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.”

    Okay, yeah, I can get behind that, we’re off to a good start.

    “I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, born of the Father before all ages.”

    We’re good here. This is going to be easier than I thought!

    “God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father;”

    Wait, hold on, what’s that word mean?

    Consubstantial: “Of the same substance or essence (used especially of the three persons of the Trinity in Christian theology).

    Uh oh.

    But wait. Didn’t I just say I believe in one God, the Father almighty? Also, I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God?

    “through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven, and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, he suffered death and was buried, and rose again on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.”

    Yes! Exactly. Seated at the right hand of the Father. Okay, we’re back on track again.

    “He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead and his kingdom will have no end. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets.”

    Yeah! Okay, this is great!

    “I believe in one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.”

    Uh oh.

    “I confess one Baptism for the forgiveness of sins and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come. Amen.”

    I wholeheartedly agree (does the Catholic Church have one baptism? I personally don’t know, I’m curious… to Google we go… quick Google search says no, the Catholic Church does not have one method of baptism).

    “With firm faith I also believe everything contained in God’s word, written or handed down in tradition and proposed by the Church, whether by way of solemn judgment or through the ordinary and universal magisterium, as divinely revealed and calling for faith.”

    Another word I have to look up, let’s see.

    Magisterium: “the teaching authority of the Roman Catholic Church, especially as exercised by bishops or the Pope.”

    Hmm.

    “I also firmly accept and hold each and every thing that is proposed definitively by the Church regarding teaching on faith and morals.”

    Uhm, I’m not sure. But I hope we can agree on principles of faith and morals.

    “Moreover, I shall always teach in accord with the Official Magisterium of the Church as it is proclaimed by the Pope and the College of Bishops.”

    …

    I then re-read it to see if I could make it work. I kept coming back to this:

    “God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father; through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven, and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, he suffered death and was buried, and rose again on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.”

    How can Christ be consubstantial with the Father and then sit on His right hand?

    “I believe in one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.”

    That one I couldn’t wiggle around. I don’t believe that.

    This wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t sign this. I so looked forward to coaching at this new school. I looked forward to continuing our work as a coaching staff. I looked forward to a new group and new challenges, though I’d miss my girls at St. Mary’s so much. I was excited to coach closer to home. I was excited to start taking Ivy to practice with me so she could hopefully start to develop a love for basketball like I had.

    I had to call Patricia and tell her we had a problem, that I couldn’t sign the Profession of Faith.

    I picked up my phone to call Patricia to see if there were any options available to us. I hit dial. The phone rang. I scrolled down a little bit more on my  screen and saw this:

    “FOR NON-CATHOLICS

    Roman Catholic Diocese of Phoenix
    Division of Education and Evangelization
    Profession of Faith

    I accept and hold each and every thing that is proposed definitively by the Catholic Church regarding teaching on faith and morals.“

    Patricia answered.

    “Never mind, we’re in the clear!”

    She was confused. I explained. All I had to do was enter the church I belonged to and I was good.

    How grateful I was for that last part, that I could submit my belief and move on. Was I prepared to refuse to sign that Profession of Faith? Yes, I was. I could not deny what I know. I couldn’t sign something I didn’t believe to be true.

    As I thought more about this, I thought more about the United States of America. How grateful I am to belong to a free country. How grateful I am to have the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution which grants me freedom of religion. How grateful I am that, even at a Catholic high school, which I just detailed might have some strong opinions about my beliefs, I can still click “other religion,” enter what church I belong to, and an institution with different beliefs accepts that. I am grateful for different beliefs. I am grateful for different opinions. I am grateful for debate and disagreement – as long as it is done with love. I am grateful for freedom.

    I’ve now coached three seasons at this new school. Of course there have been no issues. I hope through my example and love I can teach these girls about becoming great young women. I don’t proselytize them.

    It’s ended up being an amazing transition and I’m glad I’ve gotten to coach at a great Catholic high school. Andddd I checked with Patricia before posting this, just to be safe.

  • Resilience and Will to Win

    Resilience and Will to Win

    Before you read this – I start this post with a brief description of this year’s NBA playoffs. After this introduction I get into personal stories and what basketball this year has taught me. If you don’t care about the NBA, Just get through this brief introduction to get to some life lessons learned.

    If you’ve been watching any of the 2025 NBA playoffs then you’ve watched some AWESOME basketball. You’ve also heard about or seen the miraculous Indiana Pacers.

    For the record, I love this team. Tyrese Haliburton has been my second favorite player for some time but he might have taken the top spot.

    I watch all my basketball on a delay (DON’T TEXT ME ABOUT THE SCORE). I put my phone away and don’t look at it to the best of my ability until a game is over.

    The Indiana Pacers have had multiple games this playoffs that I’ve fast forwarded to the end, thinking the game was over, only to get to the end and say, “WHAT HAPPENED!?!” loud enough for my wife to get irritated with me. MULTIPLE TIMES. That happens once and it’s an out of this world comeback. The Pacers have had four of those occurences in one postseason.

    Here is something posted by a guy on Twitter about the Pacers comebacks:

    That is four times the Pacers have basically done the impossible. These Pacers have been so extraordinary they’ve made me stop and think more about resilience, will to win, heart, fight, belief, faith, and all the other never-give-up attitudes and character traits.

    I’ve been thinking about momentum. I’ve been thinking about when the energy in a room changes.

    Here’s my personal glory days basketball story I must now share.

    When I was a junior in high school my team was one game behind the fourth seed for the last playoff spot in our division. We played Centennial High School the final game of the season. If we won, we would be exactly tied with them in record. This would mean we would then need to do a one game playoff to determine who got that last playoff spot.

    We beat Centennial handily in the first game on a Friday night. No contest. We were feeling great. We just beat this team easily. Surely we’d do the same the very next morning, right?

    Wrong.

    Centennial switched up their game plan. They actually ran a triangle and 2 to keep the ball out of mine and another player’s hands. Things were not going well. We were down big. Something had to change. I didn’t expect that something being a 3 inch gash to my left eye.

    With things going so badly, our coach called a timeout. He gave us that classic, “You need to fight and be more aggressive” speech. So I went out there and got right on top of the person I was guarding. They swung an elbow down across my face. I went down in a heap. There was blood everywhere. I was taken off the court. I believe we were down 13 when I left the game. I thought everything was over.

    I went into the back and the trainer tried to butterfly stich my face so I could go back out. It was too close to my eye. He couldn’t stop the bleeding. So I was given a white rag to hold over my face and went to watch the rest of the game. To my surprise, as I walked back out to watch the game, I checked the score. We were up! We had gone on a huge run after that hit to my face.

    I was later told that our coach gave another classic speech, something like, “You’re going to let them do that to your teammate? To Quack? That’s your brother! They just busted his head open! What are you going to do about it!?!?!?!” Apparently my team went crazy. Playing with a new force, energy, and purpose.

    My team decided they weren’t going to lose this game while I bled in the back.

    We did win that game.

    Back to the Pacers.

    If you listen to quotes from Pacers players postgame from some of these miraculous comebacks, it’s all, “We never stopped believing”, “We always knew we would win”, “We never give up”. Usually these statements are just cliches, things players have to say as they can think of nothing else to say to a reporter postgame. Things that have to be said after a comeback. But with these Pacers I BELIEVE IT. I believe they never stop believing. I believe they always thought they were going to win. I know they never give up.

    From glory days 17 years ago to more recent, weekend warrior glory days.

    In a recent pickup basketball game my team was up 13-3. We needed to score one more time to win the game. The other team scored. 13-5. No big deal. The other team hit a three. 13-8. Okay. The other team hit another 3. 13-11. Uhm. The other team hit a three. 13-14. It was now next to score wins. At this point all 10 players on the court had watched the Pacers comeback just two days prior. We were all thinking about it. Those on my team felt like the Thunder. It actually crossed my mind, ‘This is how the Thunder felt, oh man, we’re going to lose this game.’ The 5 players on the other team were thinking, ‘This is how the Pacers felt. We’re going to win this game.’

    I took a moment in the middle of that pickup game and looked around at my team. I knew what they were thinking. I looked at the other team. I knew what they were thinking. Before you say, ‘How did you know what people were thinking?’ Well, when the game ended, we discussed it openly. All 10 of us were talking about the Thunder Pacers game and how we felt as a 13-3 lead turned into a deficit.

    I know you’re wondering how that game ended. I don’t want to brag but… you know… I finally decided enough was enough. Used a pick and roll, got a switch, pivoted into the paint, pivoted around a big player, and finished a left hand scoop layup. It was as cool as it sounds.

    But really. There was a moment when I decided, “We’re not going to lose this game.”

    I could have easily stayed in the mindset that hit me for a brief second, “We ARE going to lose this game.” I had to fight that thought. I fought it. And we won. If I stayed in that thought, there’s no chance we win.

    I know I know, pickup basketball at my church building pales in comparison to the NBA Finals.

    So think about the pressure felt by 5 players on a court surrounded by 18,203 watching fans all thinking the same thing: the Pacers are going to do it again. Think about that energy. Think about what that does to your psyche. If I felt it with 10 players on a church basketball court, what did the Oklahoma City Thunder players feel?

    Pressure. Weight.

    What is resilience? What is fight? What is the will to win?

    This is why I love sports. It teaches us about life.

    I tell the girls I coach all the time – “Yes, this is a game. You will win or you will lose. Things will go well or things will go bad. But how do you handle it? This is a game. What happens when life gets hard? What happens when life is easy? How do you handle it? Basketball teaches you about life. It teaches you about who you are. It teaches you how to handle adversity.” Every player I’ve coached has heard some version of this speech.

    So if life has been hitting you in the face lately and you feel like you’re on the other end of an 11-0 run. If you feel like nothing is going your way and you just can’t win. This is my reminder to you that the Indiana Pacers have done the impossible FOUR times in a month.

    Faith. Belief. Hope. Positivity. Fight. Never give up. This is what makes you a winner, in life and in sports.

  • Yelling Coaches

    Yelling Coaches

    I grew up with a lot of yelling coaches. There’s one in particular I still have nightmares about. He was a coach who communicated in only one way: yelling as loudly as possible. I always had the feeling he hated me. As an adult, looking back, I haven’t gained a new perspective on this. It hasn’t become one of those, “He yelled at me to make me stronger, and he really did care about me.” No. I still think he hated me.

    I didn’t respond well to yelling.

    One of my concerns when I started coaching basketball 5 seasons ago was how I would handle yelling. As I mentioned in How do we speak to others, I have an inherent aversion to yelling. I didn’t want to yell period, let alone at my girls. I was worried how the girls I coached would respond to me if I wasn’t willing to yell at them. Would they respect me? Could I discipline them?

    What I’ve found, and I’m grateful to report, is that in my experience you don’t need to yell at anyone to get them to respect you. A quiet, private chastisement or loving criticism is 1000 times more effective than yelling or publicly embarrassing a player.

    There was one game I’ll never forget. We were beating the team badly in the second half, but it hadn’t always been that way. It was a close game through the first half. But as the second half got going, their coach started to get flustered. The coach was yelling at the refs and their players constantly. It was a classic case of a coach losing their cool as the game stayed close. This was obvious from my seat. As the coach yelled at the refs more, their players lost focus and started complaining about the officiating as well. Then the coach started turning their frustration on the players, yelling at them after turnovers or mistakes. I saw their team quickly devolve. Players were throwing their hands up in frustration. After every play, they were looking to their coach to make sure they weren’t about to be yelled at. It reminded me so much of my time playing for my yelling coach.

    That was the reason our lead extended in the second half until we were blowing them out. I always wonder how a coach can expect their players to stay calm and composed if the coach themselves is unable to do so.

    At one point in that game, when the opposing coach was yelling at one of their players, a player on my team who was sitting next to me on the bench looked up at me and said, “Thank you.”  I replied, “What?” and she said, “Thank you for not being like that coach and yelling at us.” That was about the best coaching compliment I’ve ever received.

    I explained to that player my coaching philosophy. Yelling doesn’t help. All yelling does is put everyone on edge.

    That same player, at the end of the season, gave me a card with a note that read, “Thank you so much for this season. I loved playing with you as a coach, thank you so much for being the coach. I hope you have a great time with your wife and Ivy” (this was before Sage).

    If you’re wondering why and how coaching is rewarding, there it is.

    So, do I yell? The season from this example (3 seasons ago now), I actually had to apologize to my team on a couple occasions. There were a couple games where I wasn’t proud of how I acted on the bench. I lost my cool, exhibited frustration on the bench, and sometimes yelled. One time I snapped at a player in the heat of a game. I felt really bad about that. I pulled that player aside afterward and apologized. At practice after a game where I got frustrated and started yelling, I explained to the team my philosophy: how can you stay composed if I don’t? I told them I was disappointed in my behavior and planned to be better.

    I hope that taught those kids something about accountability. If I don’t hold myself accountable, how should I expect to hold them accountable? I doubt they’d ever had a coach admit to being wrong. I wonder, how can we expect these athletes to respect someone who doesn’t admit when they’re wrong?

    One more story from this last season, our first at Notre Dame Prep. We had a really good team this year. We were 15-0 with two games to go. I knew this second to last game would be our toughest test. At halftime, my worries were justified as we were down two points. Throughout the first half I had to constantly reign myself in to keep myself from losing it on my players. They weren’t playing like themselves and I was disappointed. It was only after that I realized they were doing their best, but the lure of that undefeated season had really gotten into their heads. As I was walking from our bench to our locker room, I was prepared go crazy on my team under the guise of lighting a fire under them. If you’ve played serious sports, all these coaching tropes probably sound familiar.

    As I walked from our bench, I received wise words from Cameron. He said, “Before you go in there, remember that these girls have never been down at halftime.” He clearly saw in my face what was about to happen in that locker room. I’m glad he did. He saved me from what would have been a mistake. He was right. These girls didn’t need to get more flustered by not only being down at halftime but then getting yelled at in the locker room. How could I expect them to be composed if I wasn’t? Instead, I put a smile on my face, walked in, and told the girls how awesome it was to be in a close game for once. I then got into the things we needed to do better.

    Now, our team had some stern halftimes throughout the season. As a coach, you’re perpetually trying to lift your team higher, no matter how much you’re winning by. But, what would I have taught those girls if, in the one game they were losing, I walked in and blew a gasket? I would have taught them the worst possible thing – that habits, and effort, and sportsmanship, and accountability were not as important as winning and losing. That is not a lesson I want to instill in any young person.

    As for yelling productively, another fear I had, that didn’t end up being a problem. I used to wonder if I could coach when I don’t like to raise my voice at all. I quickly learned, that in the intensity of a game, I can’t help but raise my voice – to the players on the court, so the ref can hear a question I have, in the huddle over a crowd. This is what I consider productive yelling. My fear of not being able to yell during a game is lost. If anything, I need to tone it down. Those games can get exciting and intense and sometimes I’m tempted to run to half-court in the middle of a play to call a timeout because the ref won’t look at me (that happened).

    Productive yelling is good. Yelling to try to demean a player or to get their respect is not. Especially when that yelling is insulting or embarrassing, which it often is. I didn’t respond well to yelling when I played and it’s my experience that a lot of kids don’t.

    Winning is fun, but it’s not our primary goal as a coaching staff. These girls will all go on to have jobs, be professionals, get married, have kids, and do all the things that make this life rewarding and challenging. Our primary goal as a coaching staff is to prepare our student-athletes to be prepared for life. Basketball will pass. But learning to keep your cool under pressure, have confidence, do your best, and treat and speak to people with respect will better them for life.

  • Flagstaff, Falling out of Bed, and Adversity

    Flagstaff, Falling out of Bed, and Adversity

    We were in Flagstaff after New Years. We drove up the morning of 1/2/23 in a brand new year. We met my family, who drove from Las Vegas, for lunch. My family included Mom, Dad, Dresdan, Kodi Joe, and Easton. After lunch, we found some little hills at a park to go sledding. Ivy loved sledding. It’s possible she loved it a little too much. The moment the sled stopped at the bottom of the hill, and sometimes before the sled even stopped, she would be saying, “again, again, again.” If I paused a moment to catch my breath she’d get upset.

    After sledding, we went back to our hotels to get cleaned up. My family came to our hotel and we played games.

    The next day we went sledding again. It was interesting how quickly Ivy turned on sledding. She was excited to get out there, and after we went down one hill I received the normal, “again, again, again.” After the second time down the hill, she was done.

    “Do you want to go again?” I asked.

    “No.”

    Just like that, Ivy was done sledding. We did a little more sledding, which she tolerated. Then Ivy saw the park and swings that were nearby. All she wanted to do was swing after that. Ivy loves swings.

    We all had lunch after sledding and parted ways. The drive to Las Vegas is nearly four hours and it was pretty stormy. It had been snowing for some time and the temperature was around 25 degrees.

    Beth and I sat in the parking lot trying to decide what to do. We were in Flagstaff primarily for a St. Mary’s basketball game. We still had some time before we needed to be at the gym. The plan had been for us to drive home after the basketball game. Beth was worried about driving home after it had been raining and snowing with the roads being icy. My lack of concern came not from bravery but from a complete ignorance of snow.

    Beth had strong feelings against driving home at night on unsafe roads which trumped my blissful ignorance. We audibled to finding a hotel room for the night and then went to the gym.

    The team was late due to bus troubles but ultimately arrived safely and we were able to have a basketball game. All I’ll say about this game was Flagstaff High School, on top of having a very good team, also had a significant home-court advantage. You try getting a bus of Phoenix high school girls that never see snow to focus on a basketball game after driving up in a snowstorm. After the game, the Flagstaff High School team looked confused as our team ran outside to roll around in the snow. We overheard, “they must not see snow much” as we walked to our car.

    We checked into a new hotel that night. Hotels with Ivy are fun. She gets so excited. She likes to walk around the room and be present with the whole family. Ivy and I share a bed while Beth and Sage get the other.

    Sleeping in the same bed as Ivy is an extreme adventure. I never know when I’m going to get kicked or slapped. Every time I wake up and look at Ivy she’s in a completely different position.

    At some point in the middle of the night, I awoke to a thump sound on the opposite side of the bed. You know how when you’re awoken by a noise, it usually takes your brain a minute or two to understand what it just heard? That didn’t happen with this sound. I knew exactly what happened the moment my brain woke up to it. I can’t remember how I got to the other side of the bed. I don’t know if I jumped to all fours on the bed like Spiderman and leaped to the other side, or if I jumped off the bed and ran around. It was most likely the latter. However I got there, I arrived before the tears even started.

    I found Ivy’s shape on the floor with my hands as it was pitch dark and I couldn’t see anything. I scooped her into my arms as she started to cry. I held her head to my should and told her it would be ok. As I rocked her I told Ivy that we were going to get back in bed but I would hold her and she would be safe. She stopped crying immediately and said, “yes.” We got back into the bed and I slept the rest of the night with Ivy in my arms.

    As I thought back on this, I was struck by something. I was struck by how quickly Ivy stopped crying. The moment I told her I was going to hold her and she was going to be safe, her simple reply “yes” and she was completely at peace. I was so glad I could be there for her and make her know she was safe.

    I think in this life we can often feel like God isn’t there to hug us and make us feel safe as quickly as we’d like. I think we forget that in God’s time, His reaction is instant. It just feels longer for us. I believe God is always there ready and willing to wrap us in a protective hug, whether we realize it or not.

    Another thing I was struck by was how quickly I reacted. If there was ever any doubt in my mind about whether I would jump in front of a moving vehicle to save my daughters, that doubt is gone. I would throw myself in front of danger for my girls without hesitation. I know that.

    Back to that Flagstaff High School basketball game, I wasn’t skimming over the details of that game only because I wanted to move creatively through the story. I didn’t want to talk too much about how badly we got our butts kicked.

    We’ve had mostly close games this season and a couple bad blowouts to two of the best teams in Arizona. Thinking back on that game, I realized how proud of the team I was. The first half was the lowest low. Our team gave up and practically stopped playing. Their heads were down and they were resigned to a bad loss. We had a serious talk with them at halftime about doing their best no matter what the score was. I pulled some girls aside that were leaders on the team and told them I was disappointed in their reaction to losing. I told them I knew they were disappointed, frustrated, upset, and embarrassed; so was I. But they had to be leaders, stay positive, and encourage their teammates.

    The second half we were like a different team. We still weren’t the better team, but we were a better team. I got slightly emotional thinking about how big a turnaround those girls showed in the second half. Instead of continuing to pout and give up, they encouraged each other and really tried to be better.

    I don’t get emotional like that thinking about the average game. It’s the intensely adverse games that I think back on and get very proud of our teams.

    I would never wish for Ivy to fall off the bed. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t kind of glad it happened. It was a chance for me to see how quickly I would react to the pain of my daughter. It gave Ivy a chance to see I am there for her and I will protect her. Will I always be able to react that quickly? No. But Ivy is starting to learn I am always there.

    I think this life is about learning God is also always there.

    Would I ever wish my basketball team to get beaten by an obscene amount of points? Of course not… except, well, it gives them the greatest opportunity to grow. Getting blown out is a real opportunity to see what kind of person each girl is. I truly believe getting blown out in a basketball game is teaching those girls a valuable lesson about getting your teeth kicked in in real life and how you react to it.

    Moth’s come to a flame because it is warm and comforting. While the flame is warm and comforting, eventually warmth and comfort make you stagnant, and before you realize it, you’re stuck or worse, burnt. It’s the adversity and challenges in life that shape us and keep us on our toes.

    Adversity can give us amazing opportunities to see what kind of person we are. It’s easy to be kind, encouraging, and happy when life is all good and nothing difficult is happening. It’s a little more challenging when life is throwing all the roadblocks your way.

    I know (Doctrine and Covenants 121) that this is how God feels about adversity. He doesn’t love that we have to go through it, but He knows we have to go through it.

    Adversity is our greatest opportunity to see what we’re really made of. As I get older and more “mature” I can say with more and more honesty that I am grateful for adversity as it gives me the best opportunity to find out what kind of person I really am.