No Coincidences

Tag: covenant

  • Marriage After 7 Years

    Marriage After 7 Years

    It’s been a long time since I’ve written about marriage. It was in the midst of a worldwide pandemic that I last wrote on this topic.

    Now that I’m a seasoned veteran of the marriage game (7 years), I thought it was time I imparted some more wisdom on the topic.

    First of all, what’s changed in my life now that I’ve been married 7 years? I made a list:

    First, I have way more missing socks.

    Second, Hair. Everywhere. This might be a product of 3 daughters as well.

    Third, Clothes. Everywhere.

    That pretty much sums it up. Marriage has caused me to be missing a lot more socks, and encountering a lot more hair and piles of clothes.

    On a more serious note (though I’m deadly serious about the above), I was reading in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Handbook the other day. I came across the section titled

    Husband and Wife

    A lot stood out to me in this short section of eternal truths about marriage. I wanted to share some of what I read and my thoughts on it. Right from the start:

    “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.”

    What a simple and profound truth that the world has somehow distorted into a complete mess. I believe this is something that has fallen by the wayside in modern society. In a secular society that considers marriage a tax benefit or something related to governmental laws of the land, the profoundly important nature of marriage is lost. Marriage is ordained of God. When a couple gets married, they’re not just making a vow to each other, they’re making a vow with God. There are reasons for divorce. But do those reasons stand up to separating a union that included God as part of the promise? I think most divorces today would be reconsidered if the participants fully recognized or understood the role God played in the vows made. 

    “A couple makes this covenant [of celestial marriage] when they receive the marriage sealing ordinance in the temple. This covenant is the foundation of an eternal family. When faithfully kept, it allows their marriage to endure forever.”

    The idea of eternal families is near and dear to my heart. A long time ago, when I was very far away from the church, I told a girl I was talking to that I would never get married outside of the temple. This was always something I stood by. My opinion was always, ‘I know this is true, so if I’m going to get married, why would I half do it? If I’m going to get married, it will be forever. If I’m going to have a family, it’s going to be eternal.’

    I believe this is one of the most beautiful truths of the restored gospel, a beautiful truth that God has reminded His children of in this, the dispensation of the fullness of times. We are eternal. Our relationships are important. Our families are the most important.

    That girl that I told I would only ever get married in the temple was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She said she was struck those years ago that I believed something so strongly. At the time I was living completely contrary to the teachings of the Church. Everything I did was in opposition to the laws God had set forth for me. The idea of me ever getting married in the temple was a far-fetched pipe dream. Despite how far away I was from the church, I knew eternal families to be a true principle. I knew my family, with my mom and dad and siblings was eternal. I wouldn’t have my own family, with a wife and children of my own, to be any other way. It had to be eternal. That girl I told those many years ago that I would only get married in a temple – she got baptized years later. She was sealed in Jesus Christ’s temple. Now she is sealed to her boys and to her husband for time and all eternity. She said my firmness on something I was so far from impacted her. I’m glad it did.

    Today my marriage is eternal and will be forever because we made an agreement with God. Marriage is hard. It fluctuates. There are lots of peaks and valleys. I don’t know that it’s getting any easier. But I do know my love for my wife is evolving in a fascinating way. Our relationship is strengthening through bumps and bruises. If not for the belief in an eternal partnership, those bumps and bruises may make me reconsider marriage. But that isn’t an option. In a particularly bad fight years ago Beth texted me while I was at work noting how cold and withdrawn I had been after the fight. She told me if I was considering ending our marriage (this shows how crazy the fight was) that I should just tell her and not keep her in the dark.

    I told her that would never happen. It wasn’t an option. I hope that gave her comfort. I believe it did. No matter how bad our fights get, we have a partnership and that partnership includes God. I’ll have to answer to Him one day if I don’t give every effort in my being to make this union work.

    I’m grateful Beth has the same respect and appreciation for the marriage covenant that I have.

    “God has commanded husbands and wives to cleave to each other. In this context, the word cleave means to be completely devoted and faithful to someone. Married couples cleave together by loving and serving each other.”

    It’s a difficult transition going from only caring about yourself to having to consider someone else for everything. It’s easy to be selfish when it’s just you to worry about. A marriage doesn’t work that way. I had to get over a lot of selfishness when I got married. There’s probably a lot of selfishness still to go.

    “Adam and Eve set an example for husbands and wives… They were united with each other and with God.”

    United. If ye are not one ye are not mine (D&C 38:27). I think marriage is the greatest training ground for learning unity, partnership, and oneness. I already noted the selfishness that must be released when getting married. With selfishness a marriage can’t work. I think this is a primary reason why marriage is so important to God. Adam and Eve were united with each other and with God. If God is an integral part of a relationship, I think it becomes exponentially more difficult for that relationship to end.  

    I am grateful for the marriage covenant. I am grateful for the covenant path that started with baptism and led me to where I am today. The world is ever-changing. The marriage covenant is not. The world is shaky. Eternal families are firm. The world is difficult. My family is my strength. The world attacks me. My eternal companion, my wife, supports me. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is more than a church. It is Christ’s organization on the Earth today. As such, it is a refuge against the whirlwind. The covenants God has given me in this earth life will benefit me for all of eternity. What a thought. What a blessing. What a gift. I am ever-grateful for that gift.

  • Satan is Jesus’s Older Brother

    Satan is Jesus’s Older Brother

    Stay with me.

    Before I go down this path let me acknowledge some things:

    1. We don’t understand how time works in eternity. It’s likely everything I’m about to say is nonsense from the eternal perspective. Still, have some fun with me. I know I got your attention with that title.
      • It’s very possible that God “adopted” billions of intelligences at the same time. Meaning, It didn’t go Satan, then Jesus, then Moses, then you, then me, etc. It’s probably not that simple. Anyways…

    Now that’s out of the way, I think there is a fun thought experiment/argument to be had that despite Jesus Christ having the title of “Firstborn”, Satan might be “older” than Jesus.

    Everything in this world symbolizes Jesus Christ. Everything points to Him (Moses 6:63, 2 Nephi 11:4). 

    There are some individuals from history that are clear types and shadows of Jesus Christ.

    Examples:

    1. Joseph of Egypt
      • Savior of his people and all of Egypt
    2. Moses
      • Liberator of Israel
    3. Nephi
      • Led his people to the Promised Land
    4. David
      • King of Israel
    5. Isaac
      • Inheritor of all that Abraham had and father of Israel (Jacob)
    6. Jacob (Israel)
      • Father of the covenant people of Earth
    7. Joseph Smith
      • Restorer of the Gospel on Earth (through Jesus Christ, of course)
    8. Peter
      • Leader of Christ’s church after Christ’s ascension
    9. Abel
      • In the likeness of his father, hearkened to the voice of the Lord
    10. Ephraim
      • Received the birthright, descendents are responsible for the gathering of Israel

    All of these men represent Jesus Christ in different but very clear and obvious ways. 

    What do all these men have in common? None of them are the oldest in their family. None of them are the firstborn.

    Interesting, right?

    “Well, but, the scriptures say Jesus Christ is the firstborn of God. Clear as day,” said a hypothetical someone arguing against my point.

    What if “firstborn” has meaning closer to heir, covenant son, preeminent one?

    Psalm 89:27 speaking of David, King of Israel, reads:

    “I will make him my firstborn, higher than the kings of the earth.”

    David was the youngest son in his family.

    In Genesis 22:2 God says to Abraham:

    “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest…”  

    But Isaac wasn’t Abraham’s only son. He also had Ishmael. Maybe Isaac was his covenant son. 

    Jeremiah 31:9 reads:

    “For I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn.”

    None of Ephraim, David, or Isaac were the firstborn. Yet they were each described as such in varying ways.

    Now Jesus’s words about Himself:

    “I was in the beginning with the Father, and am the Firstborn” (D&C 93).

    This is a captivating feature of scripture. There is a repeated theme of an older brother rejecting His younger brother who receives stewardship over him. 

    Cain opposed Abel.

    Ishmael yielded to Isaac.

    Esau opposeed Jacob.

    Joseph of Egypt was rejected by his older brothers.

    David was initially overlooked by his older brothers.

    Are these older brothers representative of Satan, the way the younger brother is representative of Jesus?

    Sound familiar? (Satan’s Story and Satan’s Story Continued)

    Maybe all these examples are meant to teach us something. It’s hard to be an older brother and yield leadership to your younger brother. What if Satan had taken another route and humbly accepted Jesus Christ? What if he accepted Jesus Christ’s position as “firstborn of the Father”, the chosen one, God’s beloved? What if Cain didn’t oppose Abel? Where would Cain be now?

    Also, what if Joseph of Egypt’s brothers accepted his position of power over them from the beginning? Joseph wouldn’t have been able to complete his earthly mission of saving all of Egypt. Sometimes, maybe, we need opposition (2 Nephi 11).

    But what happens when older brothers do humbly yield to their younger brother? Joseph Smith’s older brothers were legendarily supportive of his calling as God’s prophet. Esau famously humbled himself and reconciled with Jacob. Moses’s older brother Aaron appears to have accepted Moses’s role as prophet most of the time. Amazing things happen when older brothers can humble themselves.

    What if Laman and Lemuel could have humbled themselves before Nephi? Think of the love, peace, and prosperity that could have existed among the Nephites in the Americas. But then we wouldn’t have had all the lessons the Book of Mormon teaches us about opposition.

    God’s plan is perfect.

    It’s fascinating to look at scripture from a broader perspective, look for patterns, and try to grasp all that God wants us to learn and understand.

    While I prefaced this post saying it could be somewhat silly of an exercise, I stand by it. I think it’s a good exercise to review the scriptures in out-of-the-box ways and try to see the patterns God may be trying to teach us.

    Wherever in the birth order Jesus Christ and Satan landed, we know they were “older.” We know that God chose Jesus Christ to be His Son, the Redeemer of the world, the Savior of mankind. We know God doesn’t make mistakes. I’m grateful for what the scriptures teach me about Jesus Christ and that they can constantly strengthen my testimony of Him and all that He did for me.

  • Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    It’s interesting considering what you can glean about a soul in the signs they give before their arrival.

    On Monday 1/20/25, someone asked me if I wanted to play basketball that night, I said I probably shouldn’t because Beth wouldn’t appreciate that. He asked when the baby was coming. I said, “Any day now. She’s being stubborn.”

    Maybe because Ivy and Sage both came a week early, maybe because Beth was extremely done with this pregnancy, maybe a combination of factors, but for 14 days leading up to Monday 1/20 we were thinking it would be any day.

    That led to a lot of anticipation. WHY AREN’T WE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL?

    Friday 1/17 Beth and I spent the night on the couch as she was having irregular contractions most of the night. We were ready at any moment to pack up and leave.

    Flash forward to 1/20 and I was at basketball practice when Beth called. She thought it was really happening this time. I told the team and was off, not super optimistic that it was actually happening. Once I arrived at the house, I knew it was happening.

    We quickly gathered our bags and were out the door. Ivy and Sage waved with Grandma and Aunt Jane from the front door. I’ll probably always remember that image. My two girls, my world, not fully realizing how their worlds were about to change – in challenging but amazing ways.

    I’m writing this from the hospital and I’m so excited for them to meet their new sister.

    What Wren lacked in initiative pushing us to the hospital she made up for once we arrived. We got to the hospital around 5:00pm and she was born at 6:05pm.

    Ivy and Sage’s births were fast and felt whirlwind-like. This had a whirlwind feel given the pace, but it really didn’t feel frantic at all. It felt very under control. Of course, who am I to say? Beth would probably say it was a complete whirlwind of chaos.

    When Beth and I were planning to get married our Bishop at the time had a sit down with us. I remember him commenting on how Beth came from a family of five children and I came from a family of six. He made a statement that I’ve remembered ever since. It was something like, “You two will have no problem having children.”

    I’m not sure how he meant it at the time, but with how Ivy, Sage, and now Wren have come, I can’t help but feel like it was a Bishop’s blessing. That’s how I’ve taken it ever since.

    Wren’s coming could not have gone any more smoothly.

    It felt like a blessed and sanctified process.

    It felt guided and protected.

    Again, Beth might not agree, I’m ultimately just a bystander to the process. I think she would agree though. Maybe we should ask her.

    This isn’t to say that difficult pregnancies or deliveries are any less special. On the contrary, challenges sometimes make the blessings more powerful. We all have our own experiences with this miracle. And that’s what each and every birth is: A miracle.

    I am grateful for a strong and capable wife that can do this unimaginable thing. We are blessed that this process has gone well for us three times. I do not take this for granted.

    So Wren arrived with a lot more hair at 6:05pm.

    I’ve described this process before. See Ivy and Sage’s welcome to life posts. I’ll try to put it into words for a third time.

    My heart didn’t split, it expanded. As I looked at Wren, Ivy and Sage flashed before my eyes. I thought about how I loved each of them so powerfully. I can’t remember if I was brought to tears immediately with the other two. Maybe I should go back and read their posts. I wanted to write this before reading Ivy or Sage’s so this could be completely original.

    But as I looked at Wren I had to hold back tears. Not sure why the third hit me so hard. Maybe it was the pace of things. Maybe three is a special number, and when your heart expands that third time, something special happens.

    I don’t know.

    All I know is I love her so much.

    It’s crazy, you know. I can’t believe I’m here, on earth. I can’t believe I’ve been given the power and ability to create life. The greatest gift of all existence, the power to create life, and it’s been entrusted to me. I can’t believe I have three daughters. I can’t believe I have a wife that is so special and such a great mother. I can’t believe I’ll get to be with them forever, for the rest of this life, and beyond. I can’t believe Wren was born into a covenant, ensuring that as long as I do my part she will be mine forever. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I often think about what I did to deserve all this. And I can’t for the life of me figure it out.

    But I’m anxious to say thank you one day.

    So, welcome to this life Wren. It’s hard but rewarding. It’s scary, but if you know why you’re here, there is peace. It is overwhelming, but you’ve been given a family to help with that.

    I love you baby girl and look so forward to seeing how your personality shapes and develops to add to our family. Thank you for coming to join us. We love you so.

  • Importance of Promises (and Covenants)

    Importance of Promises (and Covenants)

    Since as long as I can remember, promises have been important to me. I’ve always said I would never break a promise for any reason. Period. I’m sure at some points in my life I have broken promises. I have this vague recollection of a broken promise or two that still eat at me. I don’t remember the details, but I remember the feeling of not keeping my word. For whatever reason, promises are something I’ve always considered immensely important, I’m not sure exactly why. Deep down inside, I’ve always thought promises were important to keep. Otherwise, what was the point? Otherwise, words were hollow and how could you be trusted?

    In Alma 23:16-25:2 of the Book of Mormon, there is the story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehis. This is the story of the Lamanites who converted unto the Lord and from then on turned away from their past traditions of murder and bloodshed. They buried their weapons of war and covenanted to shed blood no more. They took their new covenant so seriously that when other Lamanites came to war against them, rather than break their newly made covenant, they knelt before their former brothers and gave up their lives.

    As I read this story recently, a question arose: how seriously do we take our covenants? What does our word mean to us? How about when our word is a promise to God? How important do we deem that pact?

    Covenants are important. Covenants are serious. Keeping covenants is a serious thing.

    The converted Lamanites, or Anti-Nephi-Lehis, made a covenant to shed blood no more. Full stop. No excuses. When their lives were at stake, did they reconsider? Did they say to themselves, “well I promised this, but surely I’m not supposed to lie here and die over a promise”? They thought the exact opposite. Their covenant was worth more than their mortal life. These Anti-Nephi-Lehis understood the significance of covenants. There were no excuses. They had faith. They knew that if they died keeping their word to God, they would inherit a glory and reward that would be well worth the earthly sacrifice.

    Covenants with God are greater than death.

    So, I ask again, how seriously do you take your covenants?

    Have I been perfect in keeping the covenants I’ve made with God? Let’s review the first covenants I made with God when I was baptized at age 9. I covenanted to:

    1. Take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ.
    2. Keep His commandments.
    3. Serve Him to the end.

    Have I been perfect in this? Of course not. None of us are perfect yet. But I’ve tried. I often wonder how much my baptism and the Gift of the Holy Ghost at age 9 strengthened me and helped me to return. I often wonder how my upbringing influences my deep respect for promises. Though I haven’t been perfect, I always took these covenants seriously.

    I now take further covenants I’ve made very seriously. For example, my covenant with my wife, to be faithful to her, to love her, to serve her, to be there for her. That is the most important promise I’ve made in this life and I intend to die before breaking it.

    In a world of promise-breaking and commitment to nothing, I am ever-grateful for the covenants I’ve been privileged to make. I’m grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ that provides the proper authority for me to make promises with God. I’m grateful to be linked to God. I’m grateful for the strength covenants provide in a shaky and uncertain world.

    If you’ve made covenants that you’ve broken, I implore you to reexplore those promsies. Satan leads us to believe that once broken, we can’t mend our word. When our promise is with God, that is true, we can’t mend it. But He can. Jesus Christ suffered the Atonement so that we can come back even to make up for the promises we’ve broken. He knows we aren’t perfect. He will make the difference. I fell into that trap for stretches in my life. Thinking I’d gone too far away from God, I’d broken too many promises, disregarded too many commandments, and I couldn’t come back. The feeling of reuniting with God is the most comforting feeling in the world. Reunite with Him. He will always take us back. He will always reestablish our covenants because He loves us that much.

    Come back to Him and feel His peace.

    I am grateful for covenants and that God allows me, an insignificant little speck, to align and connect myself with Him. What power. What comfort.

  • Burdens Made Light

    Burdens Made Light

    Mosiah 23:23 reads:

    “For behold, I will show unto you that they were brought into bondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God, yea, even the God of Abraham and Isaac and of Jacob.”

    “They” in this verse was referring to the followers of Alma. Some time earlier in the Book of Mormon story, Alma recruited a group of people who were baptized and covenanted to follow Jesus Christ. This group of people then fled from the rule of their wicked king, Noah.

    Before Alma’s people could flee, though, a prophesy was made by a man named Abinadi.

    Mosiah 12:2, Abinadi speaking:

    “Yea, wo be unto this generation! And the Lord said unto me: Stretch forth thy hand and prophesy, saying: Thus saith the Lord, it shall come to pass that this generation, because of their iniquities, shall be brought into bondage [emphasis added], and shall be smitten on the cheek; yea, and shall be driven by men, and shall be slain; and the vultures of the air, and the dogs, yea, and the wild beasts, shall devour their flesh.”

    This epic part of the story in the Book of Mormon is long and complex but long story short – Alma and his people fled wicked King Noah. Then King Noah is attacked by the Lamanites and flees into the wilderness where he is eventually burned and killed. His son, Limhi, takes over as king of the people. Limhi’s people are brought into bondage.

    Some time later, the Lamanites stumble upon Alma’s people, and Alma’s people are also brought into bondage.

    Remember, Alma’s people at this point had repented of their sins, been baptized, and turned to Christ with all their hearts. Remember Abinadi’s words, “this generation…shall be brought into bondage.” When Abinadi spoke these words, he was prophesying in the name of the Lord. Can the Lord lie? The Lord cannot lie. When He speaks, it must be true, and it must come to pass.

    Despite their new covenants, prophesy still had to be fulfilled, and Alma and his people had to be brought into bondage.

    There are many important lessons we can learn from this story. In particular we can learn from the people of Alma. Despite their good choices, they were still brought into bondage. Making good choices, being good people, doing all the right things like keeping our temple covenants, serving others, going to church, taking the sacrament; none of these things exclude us from adversity. Just because we’re following Christ and doing everything right, doesn’t mean everything goes perfect for us. Bad things happen to good people.

    Why do bad things happen to good people? Because lessons are learned through trial.

    What lesson is learned here?

    Mosiah 24:13-14 is the Lord speaking to Alma and the people, amidst their trial:

    “Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage [emphasis added]. I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”

    The Lord could not lie. The people had to be brought into bondage. But, importantly, the Lord would be with them, He would make their burdens light. And also importantly, as Mormon said in verse 23: “I will show unto you that they were brought into bondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God, yeah, even the God of Abraham and Isaac and of Jacob.” Since the Lord could not lie, the people could know that when he covenanted to deliver them from bondage, it would happen. They were brought into bondage because the Lord said it would be, now He was saying He would deliver them. They knew they could trust the Lord’s word.

    Amidst our hardest trials and most difficult times, we can turn to the Lord, and know that He will support, protect, and redeem us. No matter how difficult it gets. You, reading this, have your trials been as bad as becoming slaves to a harsh and bloodthirsty people? Rely on the Lord, and don’t murmur against Him. Continue to do your best and trust Him.

    Limhi’s people were in bondage for an estimated 18 years while Alma’s people were in bondage for 1 year. Do you think it made the one year any easier for Alma’s people because the people they’d left got it at least 18 times worse? Of course not. In that time, they had made all the right choices and still had to give 365 days of servitude. But ultimately, because of their covenants with the Lord, He delivered them.

    Don’t forget: with God, your burdens will be made light. Follow Him.