No Coincidences

Tag: dad

  • Divine Nature of Children

    Divine Nature of Children

    I dusted off this post I wrote 3 months before Ivy was born, but never shared. Seemed inspired to post it after just sharing about how much I learn from Ivy every day.

    Matthew 18:1-5

    1At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

    2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

    3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

    4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

    5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

    As the birth of my daughter approaches, I think more about children and why we’re admonished to be like them.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the divine nature of children.  We are so blessed to have children in our life.  We have been given the extraordinary privilege of welcoming and guiding a life into mortality.  What a gift this is.

    I think the divine nature of children should impact every parent.  I don’t have my own child yet (3 months and counting!), but I grew up with many siblings.  I know the struggle it is to always appreciate a child.  Kids can be so obnoxious!  I know throughout day-to-day life it can be difficult sometimes to remember how precious our children really are, how much of a gift children are to us.

    I think if parents stopped and considered the responsibility of raising a life, teaching and nurturing a young mind and spirit, it should add an intense reverence to everything we say and do around kids.

    I cringe when I see adults swear around young kids.  It makes me uncomfortable.  Kids soak up everything we say and do.  A moment in the life of a busy adult that seems insignificant can be a defining moment in a child’s life.  If all parents took a moment to understand that, to ponder it, and to appreciate the impact they have on their kids, I think the world would be a much better place.  Parents have the ability to teach kindness and sensitivity.  These are things kids pick up on.

    If parents took a moment to consider the responsibility of teaching one of God’s children, that should be another sobering moment for all adults.  God has given you the opportunity as a parent to cultivate and protect a spirit, His child.  What greater responsibility is there in the world?

    In 3 Nephi 26 verses 14 and 16 we read:

    14 “And it came to pass that he (Christ) did teach and minister unto the children of the multitude… and he did loose their tongues, and they did speak unto their fathers great and marvelous things, even greater than he had revealed unto the people; and he loosed their tongues that they could utter.”

    16 “…and they both saw and heard these children; yea, even babes did open their mouths and utter marvelous things; and the things which they did utter were forbidden that there should not any man write them.”

    I’ve been pondering on this significant moment in scripture.  Christ is in the Americas ministering to His people and their young children are present.  What we’re told is something so spectacular it’s difficult to comprehend.  We read that the children did speak “even greater (things) than (Jesus Christ) had revealed unto the people.”

    Think about that for a moment.  Here was Christ, the supreme creator, Son of God, our Lord and Savior, ministering and teaching the people.  He loosed the tongues of young children and they spoke things greater than Jesus Christ Himself had revealed.  Verse 16 goes on to tell us the things the babes spoke were so sacred that they were forbidden to write their words.  This is similar to the prayer of Jesus Christ to the Father.  These children were saying such sacred things it could not be written.

    I believe something important was being shown to the ancient Nephites.  Perhaps more than opening the mouths of babes, the Lord was opening the eyes and ears of their astonished parents.  Those parents had been granted the extraordinary gift of a glimpse into eternity and of beholding the identity and premortal stature of their children.  Would that not forever change the way the parents saw and treated their children? 

    I like this variation of a quote attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “The way you see [a child] is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is [who] they [will] become.”  To remember a child’s true identity helps us to guide them to their divine destiny.

    I hope we always remember how precious children are.  Even when they’re at their peak of obnoxious-ness, let’s remember that they are gifts.  They are special.  Most of all, we’re supposed to be like them. 

    I’m excited to have a daughter soon and be able to marvel daily at the gift God has given me and how lucky I am for the blessings He continues to give me.

  • Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Sometimes I find myself praying for God to change Ivy.  Not big changes, stuff like, “help her to not be grumpy,” “make her sleep well,” “help her to be happy.”

    Then something hit me that I of course knew but needed to come face to face with. Ivy is just going through her motions.  It’s more important for me to learn to control mine. 

    Ivy can be grumpy, mean, crying, not sleeping, screaming, and causing all other sorts of havoc.  That’s not what matters.  What matters is my patience, my learning, my growth.

    I’ll say it again, Ivy’s going through her motions, and I’m learning to control mine.

    There will come a point when she will be responsible for her actions and will be accountable for her behavior.  How can I expect her to be great at controlling her behavior as she gets older if I haven’t mastered my own behavior yet?  She will learn from my (and Beth’s) example.  It makes me think of the Macklemore song called Growing Up where he says,

    “I’ll be patient, one more month

    You’ll wrap your fingers round my thumb

    Times are changing, I know

    But who am I if I’m the person you become

    If I’m still growing up”

    (Side note, as writing this I almostttt lost my patience as I pulled a piece of paper out of Ivy’s mouth and kept her from deleting everything I just typed.  The joys of fatherhood 😊)

    Back to my point, Ivy does what she does and is what she is, innocent and perfect.  I’m the one that needs to change.

    So, when I find myself mistakenly saying, “Heavenly Father, please comfort Ivy and make her know she is safe and watched over so she can sleep tonight,” instead I say, “Heavenly Father, give me the strength, energy, and patience, that even if Ivy doesn’t sleep a wink tonight, I can help her know she is watched over, I can make her feel comforted, and I can have complete patience with her as she helps me to grow.”

    I am eternally grateful for fatherhood and all it is teaching me.

  • Letter to a Lost Testimony

    Letter to a Lost Testimony

    Someone close to me once said, “I hope you never lose your testimony.  I’ve lost almost everything in life.  I’ve lost a wife, jobs, money, houses, cars, friends; but none of it, none of it, compares to losing my testimony.  I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.”

    This person, I’m very close with, I love him very much.  This person has completely “fallen away” from the Church, as we say. 

    He is a great person.

    I could have been him.

    I could have gotten confused by doctrine, church history, and the plethora of other things to get confused by.  I could have lost sight of the most important thing – Jesus Christ.  It could happen to any of us.

    I’ve long thought and pondered to myself ‘how can I help him return?’ Maybe I’m starting to learn I can maybe help him return, but I won’t be able to make him return.  I’ve thought about lectures on DNA, elephants, steel, and horses.  I’m prepared to discuss it all.  But in the end that doesn’t matter.  It really doesn’t.  The Book of Mormon will have its day.  Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is the Christ. 

    Getting into the discussions that led him away from the church – DNA, horses, elephants – that’s not going to help him return.  Only the spirit, which I know he once felt, can help him return.

    So, here is my letter to you.  This is to a particular person in my life, but I think it can apply to so many people, to so many lives.

    Thank you.  Thank you for that quote you told me once above.  I think about it often.  Thank you for your kind heart, thank you for being an example to me.  Thank you for reminding me that Christ’s Church is sometimes only as good as we make it.  Thank you for encouraging me to read, and study, and KNOW it’s true.  Your study of the gospel is legendary.  I’ve heard of it not just from others.  I know you studied.  At some point you were deceived.  No more flattering words or trying to softly deliver this message to your ego.  You were deceived.

    It’s not too late.  It’s not too late to remember.  It’s not too late to regain your testimony.  You talk as if a testimony, once lost, can never return.  As if you know too much and you can’t go back.  I’m here to remind you, as I know God has over the past decades, that you know nothing.  Try to read again, please.  That’s all I ask.  If only to prove me wrong.  I know where peace comes from, and I want to remind you.

    I know maybe The Church isn’t for everybody in this life.  Or maybe that’s something I think so I don’t feel as bad when I can’t help someone see what I see and find the peace I’ve found.  I know you’re happy.  I know you’re OK.  But I also know you can come back to so much more.

    Finally, you were and are a good dad.  You made mistakes.  Your children love you immensely, I know that.  Don’t ever confuse your mistakes to be unforgivable.  I know life as a father isn’t always perfect.  You have children as stubborn and as difficult as you are (I’m looking at all of you).  Another thing you said about my dad has stuck with me since you said it roughly 9 years ago.  I am lucky to have him, but I want to remind you that your family is lucky to have you too.  We’re all lucky to have you.

    I love you and so does He.

  • The Mourning Dove

    The Mourning Dove

    The Mourning Dove was one of my favorite books of 2020.  It’s the first book I made Beth read.  I read it in 2 days which isn’t much to brag about at only 84 pages.

    The inside cover reads:

    “A tender story of growing up, exploring life, exploring life, and discovering the boundaries and the defining moments of love.”

    The back cover reads:

    “The Mourning Dove is heart touching. It penetrates your soul and makes you glad to be alive.”

    -Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul

    This story is so good, so uplifting, so all the good things.  I will put it at the top of books I would recommend to someone.  It’s especially easy to recommend because it’s such a quick and easy read.  I know people are increasingly busy and it’s hard to find time to sit down and read a long book.  This book is short and sweet.  You will finish it feeling like you’ve grown immensely after spending time with Pop, the main character’s grandpa.

    After finishing the book, I wanted to write a screenplay.  This book would make such a good movie.  The message in it is simple. The story of a young boy learning adult lessons is timeless.

    I had no idea Larry Barkdull wrote another book I loved titled Zion: Seeking the City of Enoch.  Mr. Barkdull has an easy-going writing style that I enjoy because it’s not so difficult to follow.  His stories flow and are combined with good messages.  I’ve walked away from both his books feeling like I’ve learned something about life and myself.

    I can’t say enough good things about this book.  It can be found online for like a dollar.  Buy it.  You won’t regret it.

    Sadly, while looking up information about this book I learned that Larry Barkdull passed away in 2016.  I’d like to share this from his obituary:

    Many will remember him as their gospel doctrine teacher, home teacher and friend, as he tended to the needs of those he loved. Larry also served weekly in the temple as an ordinance worker, a calling he cherished. Above all else, Larry’s greatest joy was his family. The only title he wished to follow his name was D.A.D. He left his family a legacy of great faith and leaves a hole that can never be filled. Words cannot express the least of what we feel. We love you. Our hearts are broken, but we know we will be together again.”

    I don’t know how you can read that without a tear coming to your eye.  Mr. Barkdull was clearly an inspired and important individual sent for an important purpose in God’s plan.  I’m grateful I got to see a glimpse into his soul through his writing. 

  • Love has Afforded Me Much

    Love has Afforded Me Much

    Ivy is the first grandchild on both sides.  Ivy has 13 aunts and uncles.  She has two sets of grandparents who, while around her, make no qualms about her being the princess of the universe and most important thing to ever come to earth. As I watch her with family, I’m blown away by the amount of love.  She is loved so much.  Beth and I love her so much.  See The Greatest Moment of My Life Every Day for further evidence.

    I wonder how much this love positively impacts Ivy’s future.  How much does it impact the person she will become?

    As I watch her, something occurred to me recently.  I was surrounded by this same love growing up.  I wasn’t the first grandchild on either side, but I was surrounded by aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and grandparents that loved and adored me.  Love was poured out upon me without measure as a baby.  Not only was I loved by those I could see, but I was made to know that God and so many I couldn’t see also loved and cared about me.

    While watching Ivy, it occurred to me how lucky and blessed I was to be surrounded by all that love.

    How much was I positively impacted by the love I was surrounded by?  How much did it shape who I am today?

    Not all children are given this great gift.

    It was a humbling thought.  It’s humbling to consider all that I’ve been given.  If I ever get prideful about any good qualities I may have, I can quickly look at all the attention, direction, and love I’ve been given in my life and realize there is nothing to be prideful of.  I have been afforded much.

    And to whom much is given, much is expected (Luke 12:48, D&C 82:3).

    This used to be a daunting scripture.  Now it is a great responsibility, and a great blessing.

    As I’ve gotten older, I have become more aware of how blessed I was to be raised with the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  That is why I write this blog.  That is why I try to talk to friends, family, coworkers, etc. about the Book of Mormon.  That’s why I share my testimony of Jesus Christ.

    I am grateful for The Family A Proclamation to the World for what is teaches authoritatively and without reservation about the importance of the family unit.  My family unit has blessed my life in so many ways.  I wish every child could be loved like I was, like I still am, like Ivy is.

    God expects me to share the love I’ve been given.  Not in a prideful way, but with a humble recognition of how lucky I truly am.

    The two great commandments are to love and to love.  When you receive love, you must give love.  That’s what God asks from us.