As we start a new year, I was pondering on a simple but powerful concept.
Have you ever noticed that if you walk into darkness, with light at your back, you can’t see anything?
On the other hand, if you walk into light, the room is clear.
What an analogy for life.
I was trying to do this one time back in our condo. I was walking into darkness, with the light from the open blinds on the balcony at my back. It was a perilous journey. I was risking a turned ankle at every step. Those with toddlers will understand. Of course, I couldn’t just turn on the lights, that’s for wimps and quitters.
On my way back through the condo, heading toward the light from the balcony, I could see clearly where I was going. It was like night and day (pun intended).
This made me reflect on how much of my life I spent walking into darkness. I spent so much time not knowing where I was headed. I had stuck my head into the ground akin to an ostrich and didn’t want to think about why I’m here and where I was going. It was a long journey to turn myself around, re-orient my journey, and start walking toward light.
Now I feel like my life is better illuminated. I have a feel for where I’m headed, I can see the pathway. Those days of walking into darkness, unsure and afraid of every step are (slightly) behind me. There are always moments of hesitation and wonder about what’s next. But when you choose to make God a part of your life, in my experience, every step starts to feel like a step towards light.
As 2026 starts, if you feel lost, confused, uncertain, afraid, or all the negative emotions this life bombards us with, I invite you to turn to God and walk in the light. It is one of the only defenses we have in this life full of thistles.
I write this with as much humility as possible. Fully knowing and understanding my weaknesses have given me perspective. It is my faults and errors that make me feel like I can write this letter.
I remember when I came back to church I was asked to not take the sacrament for three weeks. It was one of the more difficult things I had to do, although it doesn’t sound like much. I think it was the moment I realized I had changed. Something that in the past might not have affected me too much, really hurt. It was difficult coming back and immediately feeling like maybe I’m not enough. Maybe I could have gone the route of resentment. Instead I realized how much I didn’t want to have to go through that again.
I don’t in any way imply I’m better than someone who can’t take the sacrament and does feel resentment. We all have our own paths. Mine was of being completely away, coming back, and realizing I deserved my three weeks. Some are never officially away so that state of probation seems unfair or not right. I understand that.
This is my letter to the sinner. A reminder, that includes all of us. This is the sinner who has made mistakes. This particular sinner might come from a perfect family and part of their struggle is feeling like they don’t fit in in the one place they should feel welcome. This sinner might feel judged by the very people that should love them the most. It doesn’t matter if those family, friends, and caring loved ones are right or wrong. It matters how the sinner interprets things. We all live our own experiences and encounter the world in different ways. We must, to the best our abilities, see the world in perfect light and perfect truth.
Here is my letter to a hypothetical sinner:
You will never be like the “perfect” people you see around you. You won’t. Your path has been set. Your path has been set partly by different “luck,” different experiences. Partly by your choices. My life was set by very bad choices. But now that I’ve come out of the other side, my joy is greater than I could have ever imagined. You won’t be “perfect”, but you’ll be who Heavenly Father sees you can be. You won’t be “better” than those who never made the mistakes you made, but you might be stronger. Your path will lead you somewhere wholly different. And if you decide you want to come through to the other side: to truly know your Savior, to know forgiveness, to know what being welcomed home feels like even if you don’t think you’ll ever deserve it – if you come to that other side with that relationship with your Savior, your testimony will be welded in steel, as hard as diamond. You’ll have gone through the refiner’s fire and come out united with He who gives all strength. This is no excuse to continue to sin. You know the light. You’ve seen and felt the light. I knew the light and I turned from it. I hope to help anyone not make the same mistake.
You will make mistakes. You will sin. But no matter what, you have to remember Jesus Christ. Because while the world will judge you and you’ll have to struggle with that, He will judge you with a perfect love and comprehension. Remember that those around you are trying to judge you with love. They’re trying to love you righteously. Jesus Christ doesn’t try. He is perfect love. Don’t forget it. Don’t forget that those around you whose points of view you can’t understand, they’re trying to be like Jesus Christ. They may be falling short. But that’s not for you to judge. Just as they can’t judge you, you can’t judge their intentions or efforts. Just love and do your best.
I’m sorry you have to go through trials. But do not lose sight of Jesus Christ. Do not. He is the only person true peace can come from. Whatever you do, whatever mistakes you make, do not forget HIM. He won’t forget you. I promise.
At this point I must apologize. Throughout this letter I’ve referred to you as “the sinner.” I know that phrase hurt the whole way through. I know it because I’ve felt it. I did it throughout the whole letter to get to this point. I want to remind you, “sinner” is not who you are. It will never be who you are. We all sin but that’s not what God and Jesus Christ see in us. No matter how many mistakes we make. No matter how many slip ups or downright wrong things you do, you are not a sinner. You are a child of Heavenly Father. You are growing. You are learning. I reiterate something I said earlier, this does not excuse your sin. Sin is wrong, you know that. Christ will see your sin. What means much more to Him is your repentance. He doesn’t see who you were but who you will be.
“God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep trying.”
Elder Dale G. Renlund in April 2015 Conference talk “Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying”
I initially tried to write this post with the hope of using scripture and doctrine and principles to convince anyone who would read that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God’s true church, restored from the meridian of time on the same principles that Christ established while He was here. I have agonized over this post. Eventually I realized something obvious. No one is going to read this and dive into the deep scriptural and doctrinal references that add to the truth claims of this church. Plenty has been written on the truth claims of this church. All of it by much more learned and accomplished religious scholars than I. For the best intellectual break down of every truth claim of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, A Marvelous Work and a Wonder is the book to read.
What I can do is reference some scriptures, but ultimately give my testimony of this Church and Christ’s gospel. This will be my best attempt to explain why it’s important to have one faith, one body, one church (Ephesians 4:5).
Into some scripture from the Book of Mormon:
“Thou hast beheld that if the Gentiles repent it shall be well with them; and thou also knowest concerning the covenants of the Lord unto the house of Israel; and thou also hast heard that whoso repenteth not must perish.”
In a recent post He Lives I talked about why any church is important. Why covenants? Why repenting? Because it turns us to Jesus Christ.
“And he said unto me: Behold there are save two churches only; the one is the church of the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil; wherefore, whoso belongeth not to the church of the Lamb of God belongeth to that great church, which is the mother of abominations; and she is the whore of all the earth.”
It’s important to note that this scripture doesn’t mean if you don’t belong to the Church of Jesus Christ you belong to the Church of the Devil. But. An important point is made. There is a church of the Lamb of God. There is a church that if Christ were here today, He would be the head of. There is a church that Christ is the head of spiritually. It must be. God and Jesus Christ have not left us. What this scripture is saying is you either must follow the devil or follow Christ and there will be a church on the earth with proper keys and authority to help you in following Jesus Christ.
“There is only light and darkness; there is no dusky twilight zone [in regard to covenant salvation]. Either men walk in the light or they cannot be saved. Anything less than salvation is not salvation. It may be better to walk in the twilight or to glimpse the first few rays of a distant dawn than to be enveloped in total darkness, but salvation itself is only for those who step forth into the blazing light of the noonday sun.”
Bruce R. McConkie
The beauty of the doctrine taught by Joseph Smith (given him from Jesus Christ) is that everyone will have a chance to hear the gospel. Every one will have their chance to choose to walk in the light. Agency is a core truth in God’s Plan. Without agency it would all be for not. What would our faith and devotion mean if it was by coercion? There is an idea perpetuated by other faiths and churches that if you aren’t baptized you are doomed to hell or if you don’t believe a certain way, you’re destined for eternal suffering. This is not how God works. It can’t be. Where is the grace, love, and compassion in that plan? Many faiths that emphasize the grace of Christ also claim hell as the destination for those who have never heard of Him. All will have their chance to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. We are all the more blessed if we accept Him while here on earth when we are walking completely by faith. The covenants we make here draw us closer to Him These are truthful doctrines taught by Joseph Smith that should speak to all hearts that believe in a God who is our loving Father.
“Many in the religious world claim that no church is better than any other, just different. As “all roads lead to Rome,” it is reasoned that all beliefs must lead to heaven. If all religious paths do indeed lead to heaven, the righteous will be at a considerable disadvantage. If the gates of the celestial city are to be thrown open that widely, why the need for Apostles and prophets, their doctrines, their priesthood and keys; indeed, why the need for the Savior himself and a strait and narrow way? The doctrine of one true church is as offensive to much of the Christian world today as was the testimony of Christ anciently that he was “the way, the truth, and the life”” (John 14:6).
Joseph McConkie and Robert Millet
Part of my agonizing over this post was the fear of offending all my friends of other faiths. I would never want to disparage other churches and especially any church that leads to God and faith in Jesus Christ. That said, I will not apologize for claiming Christ has ONE church.
“There is only one true way to eternal life and that is by obedience to valid covenants. That is what the Book of Mormon testifies. When one comes to an understanding of the Lord’s covenant process of salvation, what great things the Lord did with our fathers in bringing them to a knowledge of this covenant process, and that this message is being sent forth to all the world, then one can not help but become convinced that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations.”
I can’t agree with Brother Miner’s words more because that is what I have experienced. My baptism, the priesthood, my temple covenants draw me to Jesus Christ in a way that would not be possible otherwise. I know others can come to Christ and be devoted to Him without these covenants. What shall be bound on earth shall be sealed in heaven. We aren’t here for worldy things but for eternal. I am grateful for my covenants. They draw me closer to my Heavenly Father, my Savior, and eternity.
“For the time speedily shall come that all churches which are built up to get gain, and all those who are built up to get power over the flesh, and those who are built up to become popular in the eyes of the world, and those who seek the lusts of the flesh and the things of the world, and to do all manner of iniquity; yea, in fine, all those who belong to the kingdom of the devil are they who need fear, and tremble, and quake; they are those who must be brought low in the dust; they are those who must be consumed as stubble; and this is according to the words of the prophet.”
I will not talk down on other churches. But does that scripture strike a chord with anyone else? Sound familiar. These are the churches of our day. They draw near to God with their lips but deny the power thereof (Joseph Smith History 1:19, 2 Timothy 3:5).
This will continue to be a theme of my writing. My greatest desire is for others to experience the love of Jesus Christ as I have felt it. This comes through covenants. This comes from knowing who we follow. This comes from knowing what He has done for us.
I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church on the earth today. There are many churches that do much good. But there is one way. Covenants are only binding if they are initiated by God. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the establishment by which Christ initiates his covenants with man. This is my testimony. In His name.
In a book titled It Was on Fire When I Lay on It by Robert Fulghum, he tells a story about when he asked Alexandros Papaderos the question, “what is the meaning of life?”
Robert Fulghum relates that Dr. Papaderos pulled a small round mirror out of his wallet. He said he had found the mirror and scratched it on a stone until it was round.
Dr. Papaderos said, “I began to play with it as a toy and became fascinated by the fact that I could reflect light into dark places where the sun would never shine-in deep holes and crevices and dark closets. It became a game for me to get light into the most inaccessible places I could find… As I became a man, I grew to understand that this was not just a child’s game but a metaphor for what I might do with my life. I came to understand that I am not the light or the source of light. But light-truth, understanding, knowledge-is there, and it will only shine in many dark places if I reflect it.
“I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know. Nevertheless, with what I have I can reflect light into the dark places of this world-into the black places in the hearts of men-and change some things in some people. Perhaps others may see and do likewise. This is what I am about. This is the meaning of my life.”
Doctrine & Covenants 45:7
“For verily I say unto you that I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the light and the life of the world-a light that shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not.”
The mirror found by Dr. Papaderos was not rounded and clean when he found it. It took scratching it on a stone. This symbolizes the refining process Dr. Papaderos undoubtedly went through to become a source that could reflect light. We are born with the light of Christ. When you look upon a young child you easily see that light. As we grow the light we reflect dims, or it brightens. It is our effort that determines this.
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are blessed to know by what source we can reflect light. We reflect the light of Jesus Christ. He is the light. We can all be the reflection. We are made in the design and shape of our Heavenly Father, made in His image. The source of all light.
** The following is a guest post written by my wife**
It’s such a part of who I am and the course of my life, yet I’ve struggled to ever really discuss it with anybody aside from my therapists and maybe a few of my family members. Even then, I’m not sure I’ve ever really, openly discussed all the intricacies of my depression. It is difficult for me to completely explain the seemingly unexplainable. I’ve been plagued with a feeling of toxic perfectionism that doesn’t allow me to be vulnerable in letting others know that I may not lead a near-perfect life. Yet, as I’ve had loved ones seek to understand my condition, and others that suffer through depression around me seek someone to empathize with them, I’ve tried to bring myself to do it. Bit by bit, I’ve opened up. Sometimes in frustration, I just want to sum it up as “if you know, you know” and call it good. But that is not enough. Individuals, family members, institutions, others with depression need to know.
So what does it really feel like? There’s no good, singular answer. I’ve labored over the answer to this question many times. For me, it is not a weight laying heavily on me. I don’t feel like the people in the commercials that have a dark rain cloud following over their head wherever they go. If I do feel glimpses of emotion, they are always lined with sadness and exhaustion. Most of the time though, it’s a feeling of nothing. Absolutely nothing. Emptiness. Darkness. Sometimes I cope by being super goofy so that I don’t have to feel nothingness for just a moment. It can be napping literally all day because, even with the guilt and self-loathing that comes with wasting an entire day, it’s better than facing that feeling of not feeling. And when I can get up, any attempt I make at getting anything done is overwhelmed by an extreme inability to focus on anything.
My dad could always see when I was going through really bad depression. He said I never actually looked sad. In fact, I just looked dead behind the eyes. He said that out of sadness for me and with love. It came somewhat close to describing how I felt, or rather didn’t feel, in those times. Eventually, when you’re in the midst of a depressive episode, you begin to convince yourself that this is the new you. You will never be successful again. You will be a burden and failure for the rest of your life. I was very lucky to never feel like I wanted to end my life but, with feelings like that, it isn’t difficult for me to see how people get there.
So why don’t you just get up? Go on a hike, play a game, talk to someone, you’ll feel better.
While all of those suggestions can help, they often served as a constant reminder that I couldn’t even manage the most basic methods of self-care. It made me feel that people would never really understand. I continue to wonder why people really need to understand how it feels. I ask, can you still support me and sympathize with me even if you can’t understand? While that seems like a fair compromise, I still think I can try to help others get a glimpse of my perspective. We can meet in the middle.
My message to loved ones wondering what they did wrong: You’ve done nothing to cause this. Even I’ve done nothing to cause this. Do not burden yourself with the feeling that you could have done something to stop me from having depression. What you can do is love. Sometimes that means lowering expectations for a while. Sometimes that means just learning to listen instead of feeling like you must come up with the solution. Sometimes that means you’re only able to say, “I love you and I want you here.”
There is such a lack of support for mental health institutionally that I wouldn’t even attempt to address it in depth. But as each of us listen more and learn more we can be a solution. I remember in the worst of my depression I had to withdraw from an entire semester at Arizona State University. It was such a difficult process to navigate even if I had been fully healthy. You had to jump through numerous hoops, get that documentation, speak to this person, go here and there. I’m not sure I would have been able to do it without my parents there and some semblance of functionality. Even though I was privileged enough to get treated by a medical professional and continue to graduation, I’ll always have a “withdrawal” on my transcript. I felt pain and guilt about that for a long time. We need to understand better.
While my depression has been well controlled for years now, it’s never truly gone. It can sneak in when I least expect it. I make sure to take my medication daily and be mindful of triggers and warning signs. I try to be vocal with my husband when I feel it creeping in. It causes me sometimes paralyzing fear. I’m sometimes afraid to do things I would like to do because I’m not sure when is the next time it will hit hard. I’m hesitant to take steps in my career, steps in building a family, and to make big commitments. I’ve had to learn how to continue with life without limiting myself. But I also must know when it’s time to take a step back and to accept that it’s okay that I don’t feel okay.
A bout with depression is something that comes and goes. Sometimes it’s here for a few weeks, sometimes for years at a time. Maybe it will come back tomorrow or in 5 years. I don’t know. The only thing I know is that the pain we feel with depression is temporary. When I think of eternity, I know I’m capable of living past this painful moment. I’ve done it before and I will continue to do so. I can consider it a blessing that through my Savior, Jesus Christ, and my understanding of the Plan of Salvation, my depression has taught me how to truly persevere.
No Coincidences 