Isn’t it interesting that while technology allows us to be more connected than ever, we’re more disconnected than ever?
Think about this. Just 100 years ago if you wanted to talk to your neighbor, you might need to walk down the street and knock on their door. And yet I think people were doing that more often in 1926 than we are calling our neighbors on the phone today.
Do you even know your neighbors?
We can video call someone across the globe, but we’re not connected to the person across the street.
It’s a basic irony of life that the easier something becomes, the less often you do it, or the more you take it for granted. Think clothes-washing. You used to have to soak, scrub, hang. Now we throw it in the laundry machine and whine about how big a hassle it is to take it out and fold it. Dishes used to need to be soaped and scrubbed. Now you rinse them off, throw them in the dishwasher, and let it do the work. Then complain about the inconvenience of having to put them back in the cupboards.
Similarly with technology, we can talk to anyone, anytime. So… we never talk to anyone? Seems where we’re headed. It’s the irony that the easier communication becomes, the more we take it for granted, and the less we do it.
This is going to seem to take a topic turn, but I swear it will loop back around.
I would say I struggled with addiction through a phase of my life. I’ve written about it before.
There is a famous “Rat Park” experiment that was done in the 1970s. In the experiment, some rats were put in an isolated cage. Within the cage they had two water options. One clean water and one heroine laced water.
This same danymic of laced and clean water was done in a “rat park.” The rat park was significantly larger, had other rats in it, and was filled with balls, toys, tracks, and other activities.
What they found is that the isolated rats would quickly become dependent on the heroine-laced water and die while the rat park rats would avoid the heroine-laced water almost completely.
They took it a step further. The researchers took some rats and gave them only heroine-laced water until they built a dependence. Then they would put them in the rat park. They found that most rats would start to avoid the heroine-laced water, imposing a self-imposed withdrawal. They chose a social life and activities over their addiction.
I recently found an old note in my phone. It was my “drinking journal” from 2015. It was another attempt to lessen my drinking.
I wasn’t going to share the exact journal because it’s kind of embarrassing. But I’m just going to share it so you can see for yourself how truly pathetic I once was when it came to drinking:
Drinking journal.
Started 9/28/15
9/29/15
Doing research on things to do besides drinking. How can I respect a list whose number one thing is a chore? I don’t want to walk someone else’s dog for fun this weekend. What the hell??
I struggle finding things to do without drinking. For example, I think, Friday night I could play cards with Chris and Cameron and Patricia. That’s much more fun if drinking! Go to a sporting event, much more fun if drinking! Go to a comedy show or concert. Much more fun if drinking!!! Watch the asu game, without drinking?
This list has call your mom. How am I supposed to take this seriously.
Realistic options:
read a book
Go for a hike
Go for a bike ride
Fishing?
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*Go to early morning Saturday basketball at lifetime \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
See a movie
Video games?
Camping?
Cliff jumping in Arizona?
Write
Study poker
Play poker
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*Sunday million guaranteed\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
Tennis?
Racketball?
Garage sale-Ing
Shopping
Board games? No one to play with. Chess
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*Grand Canyon\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*Go to Barnes and nobles \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*Church on sunday morning\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
Bowling… Without drinking
Lift weights
Go for a run
Cook?
Arcade? Ski ball?
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Trampoline house \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
Isolation tank
Massage
Puzzle
Water park
Golf/ driving range.. Without drinking
Frozen yogurt / ice cream
Sky diving
Zoo
Shooting range
Pool, darts, water pong.. Without drinking
Study football
Draw up basketball plays, look into coaching
Lizard/snake hunting with Steve
10/3/15
Saturday night. Leaving John mulaney stand up. I have a desire to drink. I think music is a huge trigger. I hear a good song and it makes me want to drink. Plus it’s Saturday night and I’m getting freaked out that the weekend is ending and I haven’t drank at all. It’s a desire in my chest. Like my heart just started beating faster and I got an anxious feeling. Similar anxiety feeling to when I get nervous about anything, like the first day of school or anything. My mouth is dry. I’m really thirsty. But now I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I get home. Go to sleep? It’s only 10:15 pm. Usually I could start drinking right now. I wanted to text Matt and see what he’s doing but all id do with him is go drink. I also keep thinking about going home and smoking. I just don’t want to be sober. And I’m not sure if I don’t want to smoke. Because I won’t be hungover tomorrow from smoking… I’m just really thirsty. I need some water or juice or something. As I’ve typed the desire to drink has gone away. But I’m getting worried about tomorrow because I just found out I’m going to the football game. I’m not going to drink there? It’s hard.
10/4/15
2 beers at cardinals game
10/9/15
2 beers at Suns game
1 beer at talking stick
3 beers in 4 hours
10/10/15
2 beers at tailgate before asu game
Desire to drink a lot because *remove personal item*. I can fight it.
10/19/15 2 beers Monday first date
10/23/15 1 margarita, 4 beers second date
10/30/15
4-6 beers at Suns game
10/31/15
Drank way too much. My head hurts. I feel like ****. I don’t want to feel like this again. I don’t want to drink like this anymore. I miss feeling so good and healthy on Sundays. This sucks.
11/13/15
2 beers at octane
2 beers at bww
There you have it. Hard to read, right? There was a time not long ago where I couldn’t even imagine activities without drinking. For me, a two beer night was a miracle. More often than not a night would be 15+ drinks.
It’s funny reading back on that stuff.
The activities with */*/ were activities I thought gave me the best chance. It’s funny because one of those highlighted activities actually ended up saving me: Go to early morning Saturday basketball at lifetime.
So what does this have to do with how communication has changed and rat park?
Our ability to connect with our fellow humans is changing. We don’t connect anymore. Community has changed. How can we love our neighbor when we don’t even know them?
On a societal level we are not connecting any longer.
What helped me stop drinking? Community. I had plenty of friends when I drank. And guess what we did together? Drink. It’s just what we did. I couldn’t imagine a world without it.
I had great friends when I drank. The best. And we’ve found ways to stay friends. Life evolves and kids get introduced and friends move to the other side of Arizona or to other states and you see each other less and you talk to each other less.
I actually look back very fondly on my drinking days. I learned something about myself. I learned about my vulnerabilities. I made lasting connections with people I love over 2 or 25 drinks.
But I wasn’t going to be able to stop drinking until the people I hung out with didn’t drink. That’s where changing my community made a lasting difference in my life. I started playing basketball more on Saturday mornings. 10 years later and I love that group of guys so much. Do those guys drink? Yes. All of them. Do they drink during basketball. Unfortunately for my win rate, they don’t.
The biggest difference was church. When I made friends in the Young Single Adult ward of my church, I suddenly had a group of friends that never drank. They introduced me to all sorts of activities I’d never done. They also introduced me to activities I’d done, and didn’t know were possible without drinking (like floating the Salt River).
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection.
That is the biggest point I’m trying to make.
If you’re struggling with any sort of addiction whether it be pornography, drugs, drinking, Netflix, eating, you name it, find a community and communicate with them. Ask for help. Find people that will help you avoid your more destructive habits.
In a society that has the ability to communicate with someone thousands of miles away, communicate with your neighbor. Find like-minded people. Connect. This is what saved me from my addictions.
Connection. It’s why we’re here. Find someone to serve, find someone to love. Your addiction will be easier to manage.
In a world of disconnection, find a way to connect.
