No Coincidences

Tag: energy

  • Thou Shalt Not Covet a Perfect Day

    Thou Shalt Not Covet a Perfect Day

    *This was written in 2022. No I did not forget about my other daughters or Bengie’s death.

    The morning of the 4th of July I woke up to a disaster. Our dog, Bengie, was not feeling well, and despite letting him out a combined 9 times between Beth and myself throughout the night, there was dog poop everywhere in our house. Everywhere. Bedroom, dining room, living room, by front door, bathroom. It was insane.

    Needless to say, my day wasn’t starting the way I wanted it to. I was hoping to sleep in a little and I was up at 7am cleaning dog poop everywhere. Literally everywhere.

    As I was walking around cleaning up, and fuming, I realized I was headed toward a ruined day. I was so upset. I realized my day was going to be horrible if I let it. A ruined day. I immediately tried to change my mindset, but it was so hard. I just couldn’t let it go. Stupid dog! I didn’t mean that, I love Bengie, but ugh. Ruining my day off!

    Finally, I got everything cleaned up and I realized I was not getting over this frustration. It was so embedded in my mind. I couldn’t stop being mad.

    I usually meditate first thing in the morning. Since my routine was so crudely interrupted, I hadn’t yet. I went to do my normal meditation. At the end of the meditation, I asked God to please help me get over my frustration and not let it destroy my day. I asked Him to help me to move on and be able to enjoy my day with my family.

    I came out of the room after meditating and Beth and Ivy were both on the couch. I was happy. I can’t explain it. The craziest part was, I forgot about it. I know it’s hard for someone reading this to understand, but this thing that was eating away at my mind and happiness, this gripe and frustration that I couldn’t let go of, was gone. I didn’t realize it until I said my prayer before bed that night. I knelt and started to say my prayer. I was thanking Heavenly Father for how great the day was and how much fun I had with Beth and Ivy and how much we got done around the house and that’s when it hit me. I remembered how the day started. The ordeal had literally been wiped from my mind. I hadn’t even remembered it happened until that moment. And then I got to thank God for allowing me to move passed my frustration that morning.

    It’s not normal to just forget starting your day with 90 minutes (not joking) of cleaning up poop in your home. But it had completely left my mind after that morning prayer and meditation. I realized what God had done for me. I’d asked for help moving on and not being frustrated, and He had removed it from my mind. I was able to have joy that day, not dwelling on how it didn’t start just how I wanted it to. In the grand scheme, was that morning clean-up that big a deal? It could have been. If I let it sour and ruin a great day with my family. Again, I know someone reading this might not understand. But that is an answer to prayer. And I’m grateful for it.

    It wasn’t until typing this, and trying to put the timeline together, that I remembered something else about that morning. I was on call that day for work. After finishing cleaning up after Bengie, I had a work emergency that I had to spend 90 more minutes on. 3 hours of cleanup and work on my Fourth of July. I had completely forgotten about it. It ended up being a great day. My mood, by an actual miracle, was not affected.

    What is the power of positive thinking?

    What is the power of prayer?

    I was recently reading about the Ten Commandments in True to the Faith. The Tenth Commandment said this:

    “‘Thou shalt not covet’ (Exodus 20:17). Coveting, or envying something that belongs to another, is damaging to the soul. It can consume our thoughts and plague us with constant unhappiness and dissatisfaction.”

    I could have “coveted” a perfect morning. I could have coveted sleeping in and waking up to a beautifully cleaned home for a great day of swimming and playing with Ivy. Mornings are rarely perfect, and houses are seldomly beautifully clean. I could have let it “consume [my] thoughts and plague [me] with constant unhappiness.” That was where I was headed. Luckily, I turned to my Father. He gave me the tender mercy of forgetting and moving on. Move on from a mess to the bright sun and pool.

    During my meditation today, it said,

    “As we navigate our emotions, our choices have a reinforcing affect. Irritation strengthens irritation, patience fortifies patience. So, when you notice yourself repeating a habit of frustration or impatience… make a conscious choice of which quality you want to grow.

    As Thich Nhat Hanh said, ‘Every feeling is a field of energy. A pleasant feeling is an energy which can nourish. Irritation is a feeling which can destroy. Under the light of awareness, the energy of irritation can be transformed into an energy which nourishes.’”

    We can control our minds and attitudes. Even when we can’t, there is prayer. When we turn to prayer and trust that He can wipe our minds of irritation and unhappiness, we realize how truly powerful our Heavenly Father is, and how much He loves us.

  • Dreams and Temptations

    Dreams and Temptations

    I’ve long been fascinated by dreams. For the last six years I’ve written down every night-time dream I can remember in the morning. They are in multiple notes in my phone and at this point make up tens of thousands of words. Dreams have even turned into some blog posts.

    Through writing down so many of my dreams, I’ve been able to clearly see the themes that repeat themselves.

    What feels like many years ago now, even though it’s only been seven, I cold turkey’d a lot of bad and immoral habits. These things that used to weigh me down mercilessly have stayed consistently in my dreams ever since.

    I was pondering on why this was recently. Why is it that nearly, I don’t know, 15-20% of my dreams, if I had to guess, have the theme of drinking alcohol and regretting it in them?

    As with all things, I believe there are no coincidences with God. God wouldn’t give us this powerful memory/experience in our minds at night if there wasn’t some purpose. Of course, I believe that God can speak to us in dreams. I believe He has before to me. For me personally, through this introspective exercise, I came to appreciate the powerful effect dreams have had on me.

    In the book The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, I read,

    “What is temptation?… It is the energy through which your soul is given the gracious opportunity to have a dry run at a life lesson, at a situation that, if you can see clearly, can be removed and healed within the confines of your private world of energy and not spill into a larger energy field of other souls. Temptation is a dress rehearsal for a karmic experience of negativity.

    “The entire dynamic of temptation is the compassionate way of allowing you to see your potential pitfalls, and cleanse yourself before you can affect the lives of others… As you respond to the decoy, you cleanse yourself by becoming aware and not having to actually live through the experience.”

    This perfectly describes how I’ve come to feel about my dreams. They are dry runs.

    The most common temptation theme in my dreams is drinking alcohol. There are many dreams I have of either trying to avoid drinking alcohol or actually giving in. I haven’t experienced a hangover in a long time. After one of these dreams, while I don’t feel the ill physical effects I would if I actually drank, I do feel the guilt of having given into temptation.

    When I wake up from one of these dreams, I can feel how I’d feel if I gave in. I wake up feeling how disappointed in myself I am. I wake up thinking, “Seven years, seven years of not touching it and now I’m basically starting over.” I wake up feeling that real feeling of guilt. There is power in this, I’ve learned. I haven’t come head on with this temptation in years. Meaning, I haven’t seriously considered drinking alcohol in a long, long time. I haven’t been in a bar, no one has offered me a drink. But, because of these dreams, I can know how I would feel if I did give in, and I can know I don’t want to feel that. I can remember, because of these dreams, that a night of drinking would not be worth the disappointment in the morning. And that’s to say nothing of the hangover!

    This is not the only temptation I face in dreams. There are others. Because of these dreams, I can know with surety there are things I don’t want to do. If there is any doubt or weak part of my soul that considers doing something terrible, I have the dreams to remind me how terrible some of those actions are and the guilt I don’t want to feel.

    Pretty amazing, really. What a protection these dreams have become to me. As Gary Zukav said in his book, “How exquisite is temptation.”

    I wonder if others have had this sort of experience with their dreams? I wonder if this is unique to me. Maybe it’s some divine protection God has given me. If that’s the case, I’m so grateful for this protection.

  • Why do we Love our Children?

    Why do we Love our Children?

    I recently heard a quote so good I want to quote it in full:

    “Think about this. When a little baby is born, that baby cries at inopportune times, makes a lot of noise. It soils its diapers; it demands to be fed when it wants to be fed. It costs you a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of lost sleep. So why do we keep putting up with these little creatures? It’s because there’s this deep, underlying feeling of love for these children of ours. We love them so much that we don’t look at what it’s costing us. We keep infusing life and we keep teaching, and we keep forgiving, and we keep working with, and we keep nurturing and feeding and helping them to grow to become who they need to become and who they have the capacity to become.”

    I think that’s an awesome quote. Well said.

    I’ve been thinking about this more lately. With a toddler that is so full of joy and happiness, and also, sometimes, not. And a 7-month-old that still isn’t sleeping great. And with plates thrown and irrational frustrations (by the toddler), and crying and no sleep and…

    Ivy “loving” Sage

    *Sigh

    The energy it takes. The life force being sucked out of me.

    And.

    Would I go back if I could?

    Not in a kagillion-billion-zillion-babillion years. I love them so much. It’s all worth it.

    Is it hard? Heck yeah. It’s so hard. Do I feel like I’m dying a slow death sometimes? Uh, yeah, I do.

    And then, Ivy smiles and says, “Dada. I love you.” And Sage sees me and inexplicably giggles. And suddenly, all that sucked out life force flows into my body from my head to my toes in a rush of energy and exhilaration and LOVE. It’s like nothing else in this world: looking at my two daughters. The love.

    As a parent, speaking for myself, there’s a point where you become numb to the sacrifice and all you give up for your children. There was a time when having to get up once in the middle of the night to check on anything would ruin my entire night of sleep. At this moment, the average night has at least 3 middle-of-the-night wake ups. Zero wake ups in the night is a miracle.

    Early on with Ivy, I really struggled with this. I started to wonder how I could survive without getting sleep. And now we’re starting over with Sage who doesn’t sleep nearly as well as Ivy did. I’m probably getting hours less sleep per week than I ever have. And yet I feel alive and invigorated. Somehow, I’m surviving. I think it’s that infusion of love I get from seeing them happy, healthy, and growing each day.

    Ivy the morning after waking me up three times in the middle of the night. She didn’t go to sleep with the crown.

    The time, the noise, the diapers, the feeding, the money, the energy, the sleep put into these “little creatures.” And yet, do I regret it? A resounding NO! I want more. I love them so much, it hurts. Sometimes it physically hurts how much I love them. That quote above came from a video of a guy discussing the Lectures on Faith. I’ll link it HERE.

    He was talking about the attributes of God. That wasn’t where the quote ended.

    “If we as mortal parents can figure that out (the love for our children), how much more do perfect, eternal parents have that figured out? God is a God motivated by love. It’s not just this outward thing, it’s part of the divine characteristic. God is love. Without that, you and I can’t have full faith in God unto life and salvation.”

    We’re here to learn to love like God. God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost love so perfectly that they have become one in mission, intent, and purpose. That is the love I feel for my family. I would give anything for them. My wants and needs have taken three back seats. Beth, Ivy, and Sage’s needs are so much more important than mine. The “world” will try to say this is unhealthy, that I need to “put myself first” or “take care of myself.” Of course, I don’t completely disregard my health and care, but that idea that I come first is extremely wrong. I don’t come first. I know that. And not coming first is what gives me strength each day. That infusion of love that comes from my family makes every sacrifice the sweetest sacrifice there is.

    If I feel this way, as a mortal man who knows how to give good gifts, how much more perfectly does God love me? How much more is He willing and able to give me because He loves me? I know God loves me. I am eternally grateful for His love. Now, He is teaching me how to love.