During a guided meditation I was asked to picture a time when I felt safe.
Interestingly, as I was asked to picture a time that I felt safe, the first image that came to mind was after my ATV accident. I saw the image of me in that ATV with my brother holding down on the back of my head. That’s the image that came to me of a time when I felt safe.
I’ve thought about that since. Why was that the first image to come to mind? Was it because it was a moment I felt the opposite of safe? As I’ve pondered this question, I don’t think that’s the reason. I think that image came to mind because it really was a moment that I felt safe. I think it’s the most powerful moment in my life where I knew whose hands I was in. It was the most vulnerable and helpless I’d felt since I was a young boy, and yet I felt safe. I was reminded whose I am and who watches over me. And I knew, whatever happened, I was safe.
How do you value the Gospel of Jesus Christ? What’s it really worth? What’s it really worth knowing who you are, where you come from, why you’re here, where you’re going, and who your Father is? What’s that worth? It’s worth everything.
“There once was a farmer whose horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. ‘Such bad fortune,’ they said, full of sympathy.
“‘Maybe,’ the farmer replied.
“The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. ‘What great fortune!’ The neighbors exclaimed.
“‘Maybe,’ replied the old man.
“The following day, the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the untamed horses. He was thrown off and broke his leg. The son would forever limp. ‘What terrible fortune!’ The neighbors cried.
“‘Maybe,’ answered the farmer.
“The next morning the army came through the farmer’s village to draft young able-bodied men for the war. Seeing his son’s limp, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. ‘What wonderful fortune!’ They said.
“‘Maybe,’ said the farmer.”
So, it’s hard to know which experiences will turn out to be fortuitous and which will be unfortunate.
Another story to consider.
A dog is at the vet. It is there with its wonderful owner. The dog knows his owner loves him very much. The dog’s owner provides food and shelter to him every day. His owner takes him for walks every day and loves him so much. His owner would never do anything to harm him.
At the vet, the dog is due to get shots.
The owner knows the importance of these shots. The owner knows the dog needs the shots to keep him healthy. The owner knows the shots are for her dog’s ultimate benefit.
While the dog is getting shots, all he can think is, “why oh why is my owner letting them do this to me? It hurts so bad! Why is she letting this happen?” The dog looks at his owner and cries and cries. He’s in so much pain. “Why is she standing there ignoring my pain? Why isn’t she doing anything? Doesn’t she love me?”
The gap between the dog’s understanding and his owner’s understanding is vast. If the owner tried to explain to her dog germ theory and why he needed his shots, he wouldn’t understand any of it.
The gap between God and us must be infinitely more expansive than the gap between our understanding and that of our pets.
We don’t know completely why bad things happen to good people. We don’t know why some live while some die.
The restored gospel of Jesus Christ tells us some key information. This information doesn’t completely answer the question of why bad things happen to good people, but it does add important information.
We all chose to come here.
We all knew it would be hard.
Some knew they would experience unimaginable pain.
We all chose to come here.
The good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that no pain, no hardship, no difficulty, no tragedy, is without meaning or purpose. It’s all for one great design: to make us better and stronger. Even as I say that, “to make us better and stronger” those words fall flat. Someone experiencing immense pain doesn’t care that they’ll be stronger in the end. Saying “to make us better and stronger” is akin to telling the dog, it’s going to be ok. Our understanding is limited. That doesn’t take away from the fact that everything that happens here is meant for our ultimate good. Everything here is to help us to reach our full potential.
Do you think that dog understands those shots will help him live longer? Could we possibly understand if God tried to explain to us the mysteries of the universe and how that unimaginable pain can be for our benefit?
Does this make unimaginable pain easier to endure? I think it does. I’m not in the throes of pain at the moment, though.
When I thought I might die, and I thought how desperately I would miss my wife and my one month old daughter, when I thought about how I wouldn’t get to teach her to talk, shoot a basketball, or ride a bike, my heart hurt. But then I knew something amazing. I knew that, even if I had to leave my daughter and my wife, I’d see them again. Life is one eternal round with God and nothing would be lost. I knew that if I had to leave, it was for my ultimate benefit, and the benefit of my family. I had to trust God in that moment. That brought me peace.
Could the farmer’s son have realized that breaking his leg and being limp for the rest of his life would actually save his life? He couldn’t know it. But someone did.
When bad things happen, take comfort. Trust Him.
How do we know what is a blessing and what isn’t? We don’t. Someone does. Trust Him.
100 posts! I thought it warranted a special post. You never know when you start something like a blog if you’ll actually stick to it. Here I am a year and a half and 100 posts later, with hundreds still to go.
I figured as part of my first 100 posts I could mention the top 5 most read:
It’s interesting what this list shows. Life and death.
It was scary starting a blog. It’s basically a public diary. I’m excited for Ivy to read it one day. Thank you to everyone who has read and supported. The primary motivation in writing and sharing these posts has always been to share my faith story and hopefully help others in some tiny way. If my story or my thoughts have helped one person think about life or come closer to Jesus Christ, then a million hours (close to how much time I’ve put into this) is worth it.
I re-read my first post to prepare for writing this. In reading that, I was kind of surprised by how open and vulnerable I made that. It inspired me to share another more personal post.
As I read that very first post I was reminded why I decided to write this. I had my own very unique journey back to God and I hoped it could help someone, whether that be back to God or to God for the first time. During those years where I removed God completely from my life, I feared every day I was away from Him that I’d never be able to return. I know there are so many people out there that feel the same way. There are also people that have never known God, prayer, repentance, all these things some of us take for granted. These are abstract concepts to many, I know.
I want to share that I believe God is for everyone. As the world screams at us, “You have your screens, your technology, your books, universities, learning, society with its conveyer belt of packaged food, water always, peace, prosperity. Watch Netflix! Relax! All is well (2 Nephi 28:21). Set aside thoughts of life, death, and purpose. You have your purpose, live and let live.” The world is telling us that despite the chaos around us, everything is fine, and we don’t need God. I testify that all is well IF we have God.
I want to tell everyone, there is more than what the world screams at us is important. There is much, much more. I want to tell everyone who will listen, God is for you. If you’ve ever known Him, if you’ve never known Him, if you consider Him a complete foreign concept, if you consider Him a myth, He is for you and He is there for you. You can come to Him, and when you do, your life changes.
That’s what sticks with me most when I think about those years away from God. I removed Him, but He was never gone. We can’t remove our Father. This makes us accountable; it can be a frightening concept if we fear Him. We don’t need to fear Him. He is only there out of love. He will never leave us.
I bear my testimony of the most important things: God is our Father, and He does love us. Jesus Christ did something unimaginable. Would you die for your child? Would you suffer the punishment for the sins of your child? Probably. Would you die for the person torturing you? Christ did. He suffered for all of us, really suffered and felt. I have been blessed to have the Holy Ghost be a part of my life when I’ve made good choices, since it was conferred upon me when I was 9 years old. Joseph Smith did see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He translated the Book of Mormon from ancient records. The temples that are now dotting the earth are God’s temples. The temples are clean and holy. I can be with my family forever because of what Christ did for me in Gethsemane and on the cross.
I know this to be true. This knowledge brings purpose and understanding to my life. It doesn’t make trials go away but it makes them understandable.
I wish everyone would consider the great plan of salvation, The Plan of Happiness. But we are distracted.
I have been so blessed by God and I ask Him constantly what I’ve done to be afforded so much. The least I can do is share it with others, and I am glad to do so.
I leave this testimony for my daughter, and my family, and all those I care about to read- forever. I leave it in the name of my Redeemer, my Savior, my King, Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the three-year anniversary of my Aunt Laura passing away. Laura was an inspiration to everyone she met. She had a profound impact on my life.
I want to share a little about her and why she was so special.
Laura was diagnosed with cancer when I was younger. As long as I can remember, Laura had cancer. When I first found out, it was scary, but I was young and didn’t understand. When Laura was still there year after year I really didn’t understand. What was so scary? She clearly wasn’t going anywhere, she was as healthy as ever. I’m pretty sure within a year of her first being diagnosed my next memory of Laura was her, my mom, and another aunt going on a sling shot carnival ride. I remember thinking, “clearly she’s ok.”
It wasn’t until I was older that I learned and better understood what Laura went through for many years. She was diagnosed with cancer at a young age, I believe she was 28. She wasn’t expected to live too long. It’s amazing to think that I’m 30 now. Two years older than she was when she was told she wouldn’t have much longer to live. I feel invincible every day. Death is not something that crosses my mind (see Facing Death for the exception to the rule). The thought of truly coming to terms with my mortality tomorrow is daunting.
Cancer made Laura live life with a fervor that was powerful to witness. She lived every moment to its fullest. She went to school to get (more) degrees, she travelled, she wrote, she served. She spent every moment in the most worthwhile way.
When I would visit her, I would want to relax, watch movies, read. She was a big fan of reading, but relaxing, watching movies? Not going to happen. I’ll share a story I told at her funeral.
It was 2011 and I was visiting Utah. I was staying with Laura and my Uncle Jon for a few days. See You Sent a Dog to Comfort a Boy and Jonah and the Whale posts for more details on this all-important trip in my life. Laura used a pass she had for me to do a free skiing class. I had never been on snow with a board or skis in any capacity. After the class we were able to go up the mountain. Remember, this is my first time ever on skis. We’re going up and I’m seeing signs about diamonds and circles and squares. I don’t know what it all means. Laura explains Black Diamonds are the hardest. We’re heading towards a Black Diamond. I don’t even know how to get off a ski lift.
Garrick and Laura skiing
I voiced some concern about this, and she told me to quit worrying, I’d be fine. So, my first time ever on a mountain and I’m doing Black Diamonds. How could I possibly argue? Here’s my aunt in her 40’s daring me to say something so she could call me all sorts of wimpy and scared.
We started down the mountain and I was having a rough go. I was up and down constantly. I was spending more time on my back than on my skis. I hadn’t mastered stopping yet so whenever I gained speed I would fall to keep from losing control. Laura, meanwhile, was the epitome of consistency. Left to right… left to right… slow and steady. She’d get way ahead of me then stop and watch me clumsily fall down the mountain.
When we finished, I was exhilarated. It was the most fun I’d ever had. I loved the mountain. We were driving home and I called my mom. I excitedly told her about the day. When I mentioned Laura and I went down the mountain together she yelled over the speaker, “Moofy you what?!?!” Moofy was Laura’s nickname. I learned that Laura had recently had pelvic surgery on her pelvic bone that had shattered. I don’t think she was supposed to leave the house. Her consistent nature down the mountain was partly to protect her frail bones from any potential impact from falling. In fact, if she fell, she likely would have broken multiple bones.
I learned something that day that I’ll never forget. Laura was consistent, smooth, never wavering. She was steadfast until the end. She was always an example of strength and perseverance. They were qualities I admired in her. The other thing I learned was that Aunt Laura was never going to let anything slow her down. She didn’t care if she was supposed to stay in bed, she wanted to ski with her nephew. No wonder she had no sympathy for my worry about Black Diamonds. I was young, healthy, the worst that was going to happen to me was a sore backside by the end. She had the real possibility of a shattered bone with any fall. What did I have to worry about?
That is one of my fondest memories. Laura taught me so much and I’m forever grateful for the example she was to me. It brings me so much comfort to know she’s now moved on from my angel here on earth to my guardian angel in heaven. I know she’s very busy up there because someone with her will, faith, and drive is being put to work by Heavenly Father. But, in times when I’m in the most need, I will pray for Heavenly Father to spare her for a brief moment to be with and comfort me. When I make this request, it warms my heart to know she’s quickly coming to my side. I am excited to one day see her again and thank her for all she did for me here.
Love you, Aunt Laura.
Rest in peace doesn’t work for you so instead I’ll say, keep busy, and I’ll see you soon.
Quick update on my recovery. Nothing short of a miracle. The cover picture you’ve already seen is my head and arm today. It’s amazing. Read to the end to see the healing my head has gone through. Be warned, it is NOT pretty.
There has been real fear that I would have a permanent divot in my head. Like a mini crater. It was a likelihood that I would have a permanent bald spot. There were concerns about it healing and sealing up properly. There were many concerns.
I never concerned myself with much of this. It was something Beth and others would discuss. For one, I’m old, married, with a kid anyways. I always thought a bald spot would bother me. Once you get old, who really cares. Secondly, I didn’t concern myself with it because I knew it would work itself out.
Where I used to fear touching because there was a hole and I didn’t want to fully know what was going on back there, is now just a scab. Where we thought I might have a permanent crater and baldness, you can’t even tell there is an injury. My hair has grown long and now it blends in with the scab that has filled in my head.
There was some concern about how my arm might heal. I briefly had thoughts about whether the healing skin would tighten up and restrict movement. It’s my shooting shoulder! I set aside those concerns. It would heal or it wouldn’t. I wish I had the poetic ability to properly describe how it has transformed. From extremely painful, you’ve seen the pictures, to basically looking like a scratch. As of right now, it looks like I got a mild sunburn.
The third thing aside from my head and arm that was a concern was the helicopter bill. Our initial bill was for $46,198.50. You can imagine this would cause some amount of stress. I can say that Beth was pretty stressed about it. I say this with little pride, I like to think she was positively affected by my calm outlook. This is more due to our different demeanors than anything. It’s something I’ve written about before. Where Beth is pragmatic and planning, I like to think God will take care of it. See The Chance of Faith for more on that. God is likely more on Beth’s side. But I was not worried. We would have to pay it, or we wouldn’t. Either way, God was watching.
Despite my lack of worry and naïve, innocent belief that all would work out, I was still not looking forward to paying $46,000. For that reason, it was quite a relief when, after Beth’s work with forms and paperwork, our bill was dramatically decreased. I won’t give the exact amount, leave some intrigue, but I will say the decrease was ridiculous.
What’s the moral of the story?
I’m lucky?
Yes, I am.
I mentioned when I was on the ATV my brother gave me a priesthood blessing. I asked him 3 days after the accident what he said in the blessing. He replied that I was blessed that I would heal, and Beth wouldn’t lose me anytime soon. Again, my healing has been nothing short of miraculous. Anyone who has seen my head progress over the past 6 weeks is blown away. It’s unbelievable.
Am I lucky?
Yes, I am.
When I was 25 years old, I was ordained an Elder and given the Melchizedek Priesthood. I was so excited I invited every person I knew to be there. I was receiving the power and authority of God, to act in the name of Jesus Christ. I could heal, bless, baptize, and give the gift of the holy ghost. It was the most important moment in my life at that point.
Here is my testimony. The priesthood is the power and authority of God gifted to His children here on earth. When my brother laid his hands on my head and blessed me with health, it wasn’t the average prayer. The power that coursed from his hands to my bleeding head, the authority I myself had given him just months prior, that power literally healed me. That blessing was in affect and ordained by God. My brother worked hard to be worthy to bless me in that moment. That blessing came from heaven.
The priesthood authority is not mythical. It is not imaginary. It is a real power to act in God’s name. When I was blessed on that ATV, I was healed. I know it as sure as I am still breathing and typing this.
It’s a miracle how I’ve healed. I couldn’t heal like this without divine authority. I couldn’t heal like this unless God intended it to be. I was blessed by his power and authority. Why was I at peace throughout this process? Because 3 days in I asked my brother what he blessed me with that day. When he said, “you’ll heal,” I knew it would be. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind.
I can’t thank my Heavenly Father enough for what he has blessed me with. Last week I was able to bless my daughter with the same priesthood authority. I know the blessing I gave my daughter was ordained by God and will also be in full affect. I can’t thank God enough for the priesthood He has blessed me with. How it blesses my life and my family’s life every day.
I know that the authority to act in God’s name must come by the proper channels. I know that Joseph Smith was visited by Peter, James, and John and given the keys to this priesthood power. I know the Church of Jesus Christ was restored and we are blessed by His delegating those keys to us, to simple, flawed man. He has trusted us with power. I am grateful to Joseph Smith for restoring the priesthood power and authority. I’m grateful for every blessing I’ve received and given in my life.
I know that God has authorized this. I look forward to the day when I can kneel before him in humble amazement and ask how He could love us so much, that He would give us all He has.
This my testimony in the sacred name of Jesus Christ.
________________________________________
I will provide some picture evidence of the miraculous nature of my recover.
*****WARNING*****
Please don’t keep scrolling if you get queasy easily. These are pictures I refused to look at until today. You can call me a wimp, but I had to step outside for some fresh air after seeing them. You’ve been warned.
No Coincidences 