No Coincidences

Tag: goals

  • Goals

    Goals

    I never used to set goals. I’m not exactly sure why. Could have been partly due to the thinking: if you don’t set goals you don’t fail.

    Throughout life, despite not actively setting goals, I think I’ve always had goals, even if those goals are subconscious. I think we all have goals.

    It’s interesting to look back on my life and see how my goals have changed.

    High school – graduate

    College – have as much fun as possible and meet as many people as possible

    After college – have a job to provide for myself

    Over time my goals changed in drastic ways. I went from wanting to have fun to thinking about a family. At some point, I went from only thinking about myself to thinking about others. 

    I’ve never been one to put a whole bunch of stock in goal setting. I always heard the logic: “You can’t accomplish it until you write it down.” I can see how that makes sense, but I just never subscribed to it. That includes New Year’s Resolutions. What’s the point of a whole population of people setting goals due to an arbitrary date? A goal they will stop putting any effort toward after week 3. 

    My Dropbox account has a whole lot of random and miscellaneous items in it. Random word documents, thoughts, quotes, letters, theories, links, notes, etc. When I had been back at church a couple years, I stumbled across something interesting, something I had almost no recollection of writing. I’ll post some of it here. It was a Word document called “2016 Goals.”

    Here is what I wrote in 2016. Through context clues, I can determine it was written either very early in 2016 or even *gasp as New Year’s Resolutions.

    Life

    • Stop swearing
      • Every time I swear out loud, take note of it. At the end of the year, donate $1 for every swear word I said through 2016.
    • Drink less
      • Try to limit drinking to twice per month.
    • Go back to church
      • In January go at least once.
      • February-December go to church at least 2 times per month. If I go less than 2 times in any given month, make up for it in a future month.
    • Go out of my way to do one nice thing for someone else at least once per week.
    • Buy a property.

    High aspirations, right? Try to limit drinking to twice per month, wow… aim for the stars.

    Other than the “Life” category I also had poker, work, and exercise. For the purpose of this post, I’ll focus on the above – Life.

    First of all, I immediately didn’t keep pretty much any of these goals. I never donated $1 for every swear word, though I do remember trying to keep track of my swearing. Drink less – out the window almost instantly. I don’t think I went to church at all January or February, so that’s pretty funny. 

    But here’s the extraordinary part. The year 2016 was the year I accomplished EVERY SINGLE ONE of those goals, with only buying a property bleeding into 2017.

    I stopped swearing in 2016, completely.

    I stopped drinking in 2016, completely.

    I started thinking about others. I don’t know if I did a nice thing for someone every week, but I know I tried.

    I bought my condo in 2017.

    In my opinion, without a doubt, the most important one and the one that enabled me to accomplish all the other goals I set – March 2016 was the month I started going back to church. I laugh at the fact I didn’t go in January or February, but is there any chance I would have gone in March if not for writing down these goals? Probably not.

    Remember, I don’t even remember writing these down. I know that seems strange, but I don’t. That’s how little thought I put into it. Within 2 months I’d completely forgotten about these goals. But, I think, something inside of me didn’t forget about these goals. Call it my subconscious, I’ll call it my soul, somehow, some way, writing these down gave me the power and strength to do things I thought impossible. Note again the goals, swear LESS, drink LESS. I went back to church and that became I don’t want to swear, I don’t want to drink.

    I’d be remiss if I gave all credit to myself for writing these goals down and accomplishing them. These goals that were written down and forgotten, my soul remembered them. I also think they were written and acknowledged somewhere much more important. I believe someone took note of my goals and sent help. That’s the only logical conclusion after all these forgotten goals somehow fell into place in the year 2016.

    After all this, I still don’t set concrete goals. Shame on me after the evidence I’ve seen. When I stumbled upon that “2016 Goals” Word document, I became a believer. Writing down goals is powerful. God sees our goals. Maybe our subconscious kicks in. Maybe good goals cause your spirit to cry out with joy that you’ve set some standards for yourself to try to accomplish.

    What I do know, is that goals are powerful. Writing them down is powerful. I should really try to be better at setting and WRITING DOWN concrete, solid goals. I’ve seen extraordinary things come from that. I think we all can accomplish extraordinary things when we set ourselves on a path.

    I have to conclude by thanking them. God. How could that all have happened without His support? My goals were so lame, and yet He made them something. Jesus Christ. How could I accomplish anything without Him forgiving me for all my wasted time, bad actions, and mistakes? I could only move forward by Him letting me look past my past. The Holy Ghost. There were countless difficult situations, countless times I ALMOST gave in and started drinking again, countless times, countless times. I know he was always there begging me to listen to him. Finally, the countless angels God undoubtedly sent, seen and unseen, to lift me up, help me along, protect, and encourage me. I owe it all to them. I am grateful. 

  • Lost

    Lost

    I wrote this our first Sunday at church with Sage.

    I don’t know what I wanted out of life as a teenager. I wasn’t someone who pictured certain things. I don’t remember picturing what my ideal life would be.

    Today we sat in church for the first time with Sage. She is 8 days old. She was next to me in her car seat, sound asleep. Ivy was on the other side of me and Beth was next to her.

    Then it hit me. This is everything I could want out of life.

    I grew up in an LDS household. My family went to church. I have lots of siblings. I don’t know if back then I realized how much I would want this. There were large portions of my life where I convinced myself that wasn’t what I wanted. But it was always there, inside me, whether I acknowledged it or not. A deep desire to have a family.

    I realize now, I always wanted a family. Right now, with my two daughters and my wife, being at church, there is nothing more I could ask for in life. This is joy.

    I work with the 11-15 year old boys in our church. After that thought came to me in sacrament meeting, I got to share it with them.

    I don’t know what those boys want out of life. I didn’t know at that age. I was able to bear my testimony to them that there is no greater joy in this life than having children, and I wished it for each of them. I told them they need to figure out what they want out of life. I told them I hoped they could find the joy I’ve been able to find.

    It was a long journey for me to get here. In that same class with the boys we had a lesson on Isaiah and the iron rod was brought up as a symbol of something greater. One of the boys asked the question: how does the iron rod, which represents the word of God, help us get to the tree of life, which represents Heaven? I told him, it is so easy to get lost. And without the word of God and His commandments, getting lost is almost inevitable. I told this boy I hoped he never had to get lost.

    I got lost. There were many times I didn’t know if I’d ever make it back.

    I often wonder why I deserve so much that God has given me. The answer must be that I don’t deserve anything. He just loves us so much, He’s willing to give us what our hearts truly desire. Whether that be in this life or the next, God has given us everything and will continue to do so. It took me a long time to realize what my heart truly desired. God let me take the long winding road here probably so I could truly appreciate it.

    I do appreciate it.

    I am grateful for the family God has given me. I am grateful for His Church. I am grateful that I’m no longer lost. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

  • The Millionaire Mind

    The Millionaire Mind

    I mentioned in another post the repetitive nature of the book The Millionaire Mind by Thomas J. Stanley. It’s a world-famous, best-selling book written in 2000. Being written 22 years ago makes it slightly outdated (might be the billionaire mind now), yet it is clearly still relevant today. The repetition is undoubtedly intentional as that’s the way humans learn. What were the repeated points made over and over, then? What does this book clearly think are the most important aspects of becoming a millionaire or having a “millionaire mind”?

    Before I give the list of things I found repeated in the book, it’s important to point out a distinction made in the book between types of millionaires. In the study of millionaires, the author, Dr. Stanley, was looking for “balance sheet millionaires.” He wanted people with high asset, low debt net worths. For obvious reasons this book was NOT a study of individuals who appear to be living a millionaire lifestyle when in reality they were in huge amounts of debt.

    Here are the things I found myself highlighting over and over from that book:

    1. Marriage is conducive to becoming a millionaire, or financially independent. This is for various reasons including but not limited to:
      • Having a support system and partner
      • Combining skills and talents (2 is better than 1)
      • Stability
    2. Generally, millionaires are cautious with how they spend their money. “Cheap” is not a fair characterization, but frugal might be. They are cautious with their money and particular about how they spend it.
      • The book used the example often that millionaires never bought a car over $41,000 or paid more than $38 for a haircut.
    3. Often, millionaires started their own business. It’s difficult to become a millionaire when you’re being paid by someone else.

    I find point 3 very interesting. There’s a guy on YouTube that has gotten popular making one type of video. In these videos he walks around asking people in expensive cars, “what do you do?” Common answers heard are attorney, doctor, and real estate. But the overwhelming majority of the answers are some form of “I started my own company x.”

    I think about this often. This was the point stressed over and over, more than any other point made in this book. The dead horse was beaten relentlessly. If you want to get “rich,” start your own business. If you don’t know this, I’m telling you now, so now you know. But I think most of us know this. And yet, so few of us start our own business. Why is that?

    Like I said, I think about this a lot. I think there are various reasons more people don’t venture out and start their own thing. They can be boiled down to:

    1. Fear
    2. Doubt in oneself
    3. Laziness
    4. Ignorance

    That’s it. I think those are the four things that keep someone from starting their own business. Working for someone else is stable and comfortable, going out on your own is scary (fear). When it’s up to you and you alone to succeed, the excuses go out the door. Relying on yourself for your paycheck requires a lot of confidence in oneself (doubt in oneself). Laziness is probably the greatest detriment to progress in life (laziness). Finally, ignorance in not knowing where to start, or thinking people who start businesses just knew something they didn’t or had some secret (ignorance). Often this is an accepted ignorance. The thinking that others have a secret sauce of success. This ignorance is tied to laziness more than anything.

    There is *usually no secret sauce. Usually someone who starts their business had less fear, less doubt in themselves, were the opposite of lazy, and did the research and work. Simple as that. I’m trying to work myself towards a financial freedom goal. It’s slow work and I find myself running into these four hurdles constantly:  fear, doubt, laziness, ignorance.

    All these things can be defeated, and I think we would benefit ourselves greatly to face these challenges head on and step out of our comfort zones. Of course, that’s easier said than done.

    So what’s my conclusion? Why am I writing this post if I myself can’t step out of my fear, doubt, laziness, and ignorance? I don’t know yet. But maybe one day I’ll look back on this post and think, “well I was always thinking about it, and eventually I got there.” That’s the hope.

  • Miracle Baptisms

    Miracle Baptisms

    My favorite calling I’ve ever had was Ward Mission Leader.  For those who don’t know, I basically helped the full-time missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in any way I could.  Getting to be around missionaries has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  There’s something powerful about being around young men and women that have sacrificed two years in the prime of their life to serve and share about Jesus Christ.

    I’ve always loved stories of faith;  stories of miracles that occur when full faith and devotion is given to something important.  I want to share one of my favorite stories from my time as Ward Mission Leader.

    Missionaries do a lot of amazing things; a lot more than just baptize.  Simply teaching others about Christ is important.  Serving and loving others is important.  Being a representative of Jesus Christ is important. 

    That said, the reason missionaries devote two full years to a mission is the hope to share with someone the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, have it touch that person’s heart, see that person change their life for Christ, and ultimately that person making the decision to be baptized.  Like I said, many amazing things can happen before a baptism.  But, the decision to be baptized and the blessings that come after are the ultimate goal.

    It was for that reason that I decided to set a high bar on a goal as my time as Ward Mission Leader was coming to an end.  I was marrying Beth on 6/1/19.  At that point I would change wards, the building and group I’d been going to since returning to church, and no longer have the calling of Ward Mission Leader.  My greatest hope was that the missionary efforts we had developed as a ward could be continued after I left.

    I set a goal in May for there to be three baptisms in the ward in the month of June.  For some perspective, in the previous year our ward had two baptisms. 

    I started fasting and praying.  I announced in a stake missionary correlation meeting that the Scottsdale YSA Ward would have 3 baptisms in June.

    “That’s awesome!  You have three people on date to be baptized?”  I was asked.

    My response, “No, we don’t have anybody on date.”

    The goal was set nonetheless.  I had faith that if the missionaries and myself fasted and prayed our hearts out, and did our part, a miracle would happen.

    As the month of May progressed things started happening.  There were some individuals the missionaries had been meeting with and teaching about the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  There were two in particular that had been meeting with the missionaries regularly.

    As we continued to pray with this singular focus in our hearts, one of those individuals committed to being baptized on 6/29.  This was amazing!

    There was a second person who wanted to be baptized but there was something getting in the way.  It was a frustration of mine at the time because that person was worthy to be baptized but a technical requirement wasn’t met.  Her living situation caused a problem.  Again, fully worthy, but unable to get baptized until her living situation was changed.

    On 5/25 it was time to call in faith reinforcements.  Up to that point it had been the missionaries, Beth, a couple others, and myself committing our faith to this goal. 

    I wrote this as a reminder for myself on 5/25:

    “I sent a text to ward missionary committee asking them to join fast for miracle three baptisms in June.  It was kind of hard to send the text.  There were moments that I wondered if I should send it and if sending it was right, if I was saying the right thing.  I ended up being somewhat bold saying, “The missionaries and a few of us have been praying for something very specific: 3 individuals to be baptized into the Scottsdale ward in June.  There’s a lot of faith in this as when we started there wasn’t a single person on date to be baptized.  There is now one person who plans to be baptized on June 29th.  The missionaries and I are going to fast and pray for these three individuals to be led to us and for our ward to act when the opportunity comes.  I invite each of you, if you’d like, to join us in fasting and praying for this tomorrow.  I know that there are three people out there that need the gospel of Jesus Christ and are ready to be baptized.  With faith, God will lead these people to us if we are ready to act, and if it’s His will and His plan.  Thanks everybody!  Love each of you.”  Four minutes after sending the text, the missionaries texted me and said that the individual whose living situation was in the way had that issue resolved and just set their date to be baptized for June 8th. So much joy.

    What was hard about sending that text was I wasn’t sure if what I was asking for was right.  I always wanted to ask things of God only if it was His will.  While I know God’s children coming closer to Him is His greatest joy, I worried that my intentions weren’t perfectly aligned with his.  That was the doubt that came before I sent the text.  I decided to send the text because I wanted to faith away my doubts.  That is why I was bold.  That is why the immediate text from the missionaries brought me instantly to the most profound joy, followed by tears.

    It was a miracle.

    I won’t go into details about how the miracle for this person took place. What I will say is this.  It was a major frustration for me for some time that this person couldn’t be baptized despite having a sincere desire to do so, and being worthy to do so. A sequence of events took place that led to there being no issue with the baptism taking place. I was so grateful that a worthy individual could enter the waters of baptism and align themselves with Jesus Christ.

    Another note to myself that I wrote that day so I wouldn’t forget:

    Thinking back on (the issue), I was pretty worked up about it but somehow just moved on.  I came to a feeling of peace about it that I didn’t even know was happening.  But then it worked itself out, or God worked it out, and I look back and realize He spoke peace to my soul.  I can almost hear Him, “Peace, my son. Don’t you know my hand is in these things?  Don’t you know I will care for my children?  Have faith.”

    For those anticipating the miracle third baptism in June- it didn’t happen.  In fact, the second one was delayed to July 13th.  I think that’s wonderful.  I think of it as God’s way of reminding me that my faith is far from perfect.  I set an arbitrary goal of June and to keep me humble He had the second baptism occur in July and the third didn’t happen.  I’m far from truly aligned with His will.  We’re far from being able to work all miracles.  But God does watch.  He does hear.  He does care.  In that ward, we had two baptisms the previous 12 months.  In the 35 days after I left my favorite calling ever, the ward that saved my life, baptized two new members.

    One of those members was recently sealed in the temple.

    The first person I had the pleasure of seeing baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while I was Ward Mission Leader got married in the temple 5 months after his baptism.

    Casper’s Baptism

    Beth and I had the greatest pleasure of hosting 3 former missionaries in our home so we could all go to the wedding together.  I remember sitting in the temple, waiting for the sealing.  Waiting for Casper and Ashlee, two people that had greatly impacted and strengthened my faith, to be sealed to each other for time and all eternity.  I was sitting and thinking.

    Elder Dotson, one of the missionaries who had the honor of teaching Casper the Gospel, came and sat by me.  He told me, “This is why we baptize people.  Baptisms and endowments and all the covenants made are important.  But this is what it’s all about.  Two people getting sealed in the temple.  Starting a family that will be together for eternity.  This is why we do what we do.  This is what it’s all about.”

    I wish everyone could know the joy I’ve felt helping someone find what I’ve found.  I wish I could share the joy of seeing two people sealed together for eternity.  A love never to be separated.  It’s the great plan of our loving Heavenly Father and what we’re here to do.  Develop faith.  Obtain and nurture an eternal family.  Return to Him.

    I’m so grateful for His Plan and the small part I get to play in it.  There is no greater joy.