No Coincidences

Tag: gratitude

  • Drugs

    Drugs

    *Author’s note:  I asked Beth to proofread this before sharing.  I put off posting it for weeks because of my hesitation in sharing something like this about my past.  Beth’s response, “Why wouldn’t you share it?  It’s what got you here.”

    “Cocaine takes your soul.”  A statement I heard a while back on a podcast.

    I’ve long wanted to write a “drugs” post, but I haven’t known how to approach it. It was a big step for me to start sharing publicly about how I used to drink.  Now I use my past experiences with drinking to understand the struggles others can have because I’ve been there.  It makes me really uncomfortable to share something like, “I used to do drugs.”  Vulnerability, uncertainty at how people I love will take this information, Ivy reading this one day… Admitting something like that was never something I thought I’d do.  But Beth’s comment was right.  Those choices led to where I am today, so why not share it?  If I’ve truly changed, why do those past decisions matter that much?  If I truly believe Christ has washed away my sins through His Atonement, what am I hiding?  Maybe somebody can benefit from my experience. 

    So, before I continue, let’s get this part out of the way: All my LDS friends and family take your moment to *gasp.  All my college friends and family take your laugh (that some of my friends and family never knew this about me).

    I bounced back and forth with writing a generic, boring post about how drugs are bad.  Really, we’ve heard that before.  What can really make a difference, I think, is my personal experience with drugs.  In the Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), along with other churches, I think talking about past drinking or drug use is pretty taboo.  It’s like many other topics I want to write about and haven’t yet addressed.  Where I come from, how I was raised, I kind of adhere to the ‘pretend like it doesn’t exist’ camp.  Drugs?  How about we not discuss it. 

    But then recently my 13-year-old brother mentioned a kid coming to his soccer practice clearly high.  First thought, “My youngest brother is exposed to weed already????”  Then I realized, he’s 13, of course he’s exposed to it.  I know a lot of kids that started experimenting with drugs at 13.  It’s crazy to think my youngest brother is 13.  It’s crazier more to realize it when he talks about the drug use around him.  Drug use is happening.  In the world we live in today, it’s more prevalent than ever.  If we stick our head in the ground, refuse to talk to our kids about it, and pretend like it’s not happening, someone else is talking to them about it.  News flash parents:  Your most sheltered latter-day saint babies have seen, heard of, been around, and maybe even experienced drug use.

    If I was seeing it in 2003 (I’m old), you better believe 13-year-olds are seeing it in 2021.  Recently I drove down a street in Las Vegas near my old home.  A street I’d driven down many times.  I did a double take when I passed what I can only describe as a big, bright, pot emporium.  Drugs are becoming mainstream.  A scary thought.

    So what are my experiences with drugs?

    First let me say, I was lucky that drugs never quite became like alcohol for me.  I don’t think drugs ever controlled me the way alcohol did.  I think part of that is luck in never trying the wrong substance.  There was a time when I was on a precarious cliff, one wrong step could have led to debilitating and life destroying addiction. 

    I’m going to try my best to be as ambiguous as possible about my drug use for obvious reasons.  By that I mean, I’m not going to tell you what drugs I have done (it’s not many).  But sometimes I may be clear about drugs I haven’t done.  For example, I never tried cocaine.  I had to say that since you’ve probably been wondering that since you read the first line. 

    What’s my experience?

    From a very young age I was aggressively opposed to any substance I believed was bad.  Legend has it I used to pour out my mom’s Coca Cola’s.  Growing up I always said I would never drink alcohol.  When asked I would say it was due to my faith and the Word of Wisdom.  The Word of Wisdom, for those who don’t know, is guidance provided by the Lord to Joseph Smith in 1833 about what should and should not be put into the body.  Over the years the Word of Wisdom, as followed by many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has adapted and changed.  This is a natural occurrence.  Joseph Smith wasn’t yet warned about vape pens and methamphetamines in the 1830s.  I encourage everyone who wants to learn more to read Doctrine and Covenants Section 89.

    My excuse for not drinking or partaking in drugs was always the Word of Wisdom.  Like I said, from a very young age I remember taking that guidance very seriously.  As I grew up, and my church activity waned, that excuse changed to, “I’m an athlete.”  In high school “no thanks” seldomly worked.  You needed a reason.  Similar to Happy Hours across the country today, most of the time you can’t just say no.

    So what happened when I had neither?  What happened when my church activity was zero and I was no longer an athlete after high school?  It’s amazing how soon after losing those two identities that I waivered on this principle I had stuck so firmly to.

    I still remember my first sip of alcohol.  It was a big moment.  We laugh at the joke that meth addiction starts with one puff or one sip, but doesn’t it?  Of course, there are exceptions, but would someone who has never had a sip of alcohol try a harder, more dangerous substance?  Usually not. 

    What happened after I’d taken one sip?  Well, my excuses of church and basketball were no longer existent, I no longer had my shield against peer pressure.  It’s no wonder when I went off to college for the first time I started drinking, then trying other stuff. 

    I was never a big drug user, as previously stated.  Most of what I tried wouldn’t even be considered drugs by most people today.  That’s the problem though, isn’t it?  Drugs are drugs.  Marijuana is a drug.  It is habit forming, it changes your focus, it changes what you care about, and ultimately it changes you. 

    I had some extremely, extremely scary experiences with drugs.  The last time for a particular substance I said would be the last time I’d try anything.  Being stuck in your mind is a terrifying thing, there is no escape.  These substances are mind-altering.  Sometimes they’re mind entrapping. 

    This is the point I want to get across and I think is important.  It’s the point I make to anyone who asks about certain drugs or drug use.  You almost never know what you’re putting into your body and it’s often from a sketchy source.  What happens when you can’t escape your mind and you think something will never end?  I had a friend once tell me he considered killing himself one time during a particularly bad drug experience.  My thought was, “why would you put that in your body????”  Then, years later I had that something in my body. If it wasn’t for very trusted and caring friends being around me to calm me down, who knows what could have happened. Never before in my life had jumping off a balcony crossed my mind. It did that day. Drugs are not a joke.  This is the message, more than anything I’d like to get across.

    I consider myself lucky that I avoided most of the more dangerous and addictive substances out there.  I never touched a cigarette.  I was too afraid it would become a habit.  That fear kept me from putting myself in a dangerous position with many other drugs.  I was always afraid of man-made, synthetic substances.  I was raised to believe that man was conspiring against my freedom (D&C 89:4) and I believe that might have saved my life.

    How am I with drugs today?

    When I had my accident, they tried to prescribe me some sort of Oxy something or another pain medication.  I refused.  I got over the counter Advil and avoided taking that as much as I could.  I saw too many friends almost kill themselves over those pills.  I hope I can avoid ever touching one.

    Today I’ve cut out drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and juice.  Yes, juice.  I feel happier and healthier for it.  I see coworkers come into the office and walk like zombies to the coffee machine first thing in the morning.  I’ve never had that crutch and I never will.

    People talk about the Word of Wisdom like it takes away your freedom.  My experience tells me that drugs and alcohol, and yes, even caffeine take away our freedom, not expand it.  How many people can’t start their day without coffee?  How many people can’t start their weekend without liquor?  How many people are enslaved by substance abuse?

    I am so grateful for my upbringing and the protection I had against these dangerous substances in my life.  Even when I dabbled, I escaped the direst consequences.  I was lucky.  Why chance it?  I’m happier today than I’ve ever been now that I depend on no substance for that happiness.  The Word of Wisdom is a protection and despite my slip-ups through my growth, it did protect me, and I’m grateful for it.

  • Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Sometimes I find myself praying for God to change Ivy.  Not big changes, stuff like, “help her to not be grumpy,” “make her sleep well,” “help her to be happy.”

    Then something hit me that I of course knew but needed to come face to face with. Ivy is just going through her motions.  It’s more important for me to learn to control mine. 

    Ivy can be grumpy, mean, crying, not sleeping, screaming, and causing all other sorts of havoc.  That’s not what matters.  What matters is my patience, my learning, my growth.

    I’ll say it again, Ivy’s going through her motions, and I’m learning to control mine.

    There will come a point when she will be responsible for her actions and will be accountable for her behavior.  How can I expect her to be great at controlling her behavior as she gets older if I haven’t mastered my own behavior yet?  She will learn from my (and Beth’s) example.  It makes me think of the Macklemore song called Growing Up where he says,

    “I’ll be patient, one more month

    You’ll wrap your fingers round my thumb

    Times are changing, I know

    But who am I if I’m the person you become

    If I’m still growing up”

    (Side note, as writing this I almostttt lost my patience as I pulled a piece of paper out of Ivy’s mouth and kept her from deleting everything I just typed.  The joys of fatherhood 😊)

    Back to my point, Ivy does what she does and is what she is, innocent and perfect.  I’m the one that needs to change.

    So, when I find myself mistakenly saying, “Heavenly Father, please comfort Ivy and make her know she is safe and watched over so she can sleep tonight,” instead I say, “Heavenly Father, give me the strength, energy, and patience, that even if Ivy doesn’t sleep a wink tonight, I can help her know she is watched over, I can make her feel comforted, and I can have complete patience with her as she helps me to grow.”

    I am eternally grateful for fatherhood and all it is teaching me.

  • Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

    Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

    We’ve been having a difficult time with Ivy’s sleeping the last couple weeks.  This morning I woke up and Beth was awake.  I asked if Ivy got up during the night.

    Beth laughed.

    Not a good sign.

    Beth said yes Ivy did get up during the night.  She said she was rocking Ivy and could tell that Ivy was not going to go back to sleep.  So she did something drastic.

    Warning: this strategy is not recommended, and we know full and well this is NOT a good idea. 

    Beth said she GOT IN IVY’S CRIB WITH HER.  My first thoughts, it didn’t break?

    I looked at Beth and said instead, “…is that ok?”

    Beth responded that of course no, it’s not ideal.  It’s not safe and the crib could have broken.  All bad things.  Like the title of the post says, Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures. 

    Beth continued to tell me that after a while she got out of the crib and successfully returned to our bedroom. A hero had slain the dragon. A cute little booty-up-in-the-air-dragon, but a dragon nonetheless.

    She said she got into bed and Ivy started to stir and cry.  Beth asked me if I remembered in the middle of the night her saying, “oh no.”  Beth told me I then started patting her on her back.  I vaguely remember this.

    But then a miracle happened!  Ivy went back to sleep.  Hallelujah.

    After hearing Beth’s tale, I started to meditate to prepare for the day. My mind drifted to this story as the mind is wont to do during meditation. I thought about that moment when Ivy cried and very well should have continued screaming until one of us came to get her.

    A past successful night of sleep resistance. The smug face of a champion saying, “I’m the boss here,” cross-legged and all.

    The coolest visual came to me as I was meditating. You see, that night was the first time in months that I slept a night without getting out of bed. MONTHS.

    This is the visual that came to me. Ivy started to cry, and God said, “someone do something!” And a legion, thousands of angels came pouring out of heaven to comfort and console Ivy back to sleep. Heavenly Father was like, “give that man one full night in his bed.”

    It was a true miracle and that’s the only possible explanation.

    So I say, thank you Heavenly Father, I sure needed that.

    After a good night’s sleep

    Sleep training here we come.

  • The Redemption of the Jews

    The Redemption of the Jews

    How will God convince the Jews that Jesus is the Redeemer, the Messiah, the Son of God?

    Is the Jewish nation to wait for Christ to return in His glory for them to realize the truth?  Will God’s chosen people be left to learn of Christ’s divinity at the same moment that the rest of the world does, when Christ returns?

    Will the Jewish nation learn of the divinity of Jesus Christ when they see Him come down in glory, and behold the prints in His hands and feet?

    Has God provided a tool for the redemption of His people?  A second witness?

    I don’t think God would leave only one witness of such an important thing.  Especially when it concerns not only all His children, but His chosen people.

    So, what is that tool?  What is the second witness?

    Obviously, it is the Book of Mormon.

    Another testament of Jesus Christ. 

    I had this realization recently and wanted to share.  It’s easy to take for granted what the Book of Mormon is.  Another testament of Jesus Christ.  Another book of scripture.  Another witness.  More proof that Jesus was and is the Christ.  Jesus is the Savior.  Jesus is where our redemption lies. 

    What a blessing to live in a time where we have further evidence.  What a blessing that we have additional scripture.  I look forward, as the dispensation of the fullness of times continues to expand, for more scripture to be revealed.  I look forward to receiving more of God’s word.  Will the world reject future scripture just as they’ve rejected the Book of Mormon?  Surely God isn’t done with us.  Surely, He still speaks to us.

    I’m grateful for the Book of Mormon. 

  • Blessing Ivy

    Blessing Ivy

    I recently had the special opportunity to bless Ivy.  Leading up to the blessing, I did some research on the history of blessing children in the Church of Jesus Christ and its significance.  For Ivy’s blessing, Beth put together an event and a description of what a baby blessing is.  Here is that description:

    What is a baby blessing?

    In summary, the naming and blessing of children is a commandment of God. It is proper for a worthy father to name and bless his children. Blessing of children was done during the time of Christ, and it occurred in the early years of the restored Church. The ordinance has become a regular practice followed by Church members ever since.

    Who has the authority to bless a baby?

    A worthy priesthood holder under the direction of the local bishop. It is usually the father or a close family member.

    What is the priesthood?

    The word priesthood has two meanings. First, priesthood is the power and authority of God. It has always existed and will continue to exist without end. Through the priesthood, God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power, He exalts His obedient children, bringing to pass “the immortality and eternal life of man.”

    Second, in mortality, priesthood is the power and authority that God gives to man to act in all things necessary for the salvation of God’s children. The blessings of the priesthood are available to all who receive the gospel.

    What is the format of a baby blessing?

    When blessing a baby, priesthood holders gather in a circle and place their hands under the baby. When blessing an older child, brethren place their hands lightly on the child’s head. The person who gives the blessing:

    1. Addresses Heavenly Father.

    2. States that the blessing is performed by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood.

    3. Gives the child a name.

    4. Gives words of blessing as the Spirit directs.

    5. Closes in the name of Jesus Christ.

    Ivy and Aunt Cambria

    Reading up on the baby blessing beforehand taught me some interesting things about this sacred practice that I would like to share.

    The below points were taken from this link:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1979/12/i-have-a-question/in-blessing-an-infant-should-both-the-naming-and-blessing-be-addressed-to-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng

    1. Unique to giving a blessing to an older child or adult, the naming and blessing of a child is directed to Heavenly Father like prayers are. 
      • This could be because the baby is too young to understand the words directed to him or her. 
    2. It appears that Melchizedek Priesthood holders are authorized to more than ask for a blessing but are able to pronounce a blessing upon the child directly, as the spirit directs.
      • See D&C 20:70
      • Sometimes inspiration (or confidence) to pronounce/give a blessing does not come.  In this case it is of course acceptable to ask Heavenly Father for these blessings.  I believe this is how I felt in giving Ivy her blessing.  It was enough to ask Heavenly Father to bless her with my requests.
    3. It is a commandment to name and bless infants.
      • See again D&C 20:70
      • It is important to remember the naming and blessing of children is not a saving ordinance.  It is still an important and sacred moment seen in heaven.
    4. “It is an awesome responsibility to be a priesthood agent of the Lord, to act in his behalf, and to approximate in one’s words and doings what the Lord would do if he were here.  A father, especially, who is to bless his child, has the delight and responsibility to prepare himself beforehand by pondering and by fasting and prayer, that he may be sensitive to the suggestions of the Spirit when giving the blessing.”
      • “How blessed we are to be able to present our little ones before the Lord, our families and the Church, and then consecrate them to the Lord.  How blessed we are to be able to name them, plead over, pray for, and, yes, to bless them directly and personally in harmony with our finest desires for them, by the authorization and wisdom of heaven.”

    The below points were taken from this link:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1988/12/i-have-a-question/why-is-the-naming-and-blessing-of-a-child-important?lang=eng

    1. An interesting account from Joseph Smith on March 13, 1843 says, “Twenty-seven children were blessed, nineteen of whom I blessed myself, with great fervency.  Virtue went out of me, and my strength left me…”
      • “[The next day] Elder Jedediah M. Grant enquired of me the cause of my turning pale and losing strength last night while blessing children.  I told him that I saw that Lucifer would exert his influence to destroy the children that I was blessing, and I strove with all the faith and spirit that I had to seal upon them a blessing that would secure their lives upon the earth; and so much virtue went out of me into the children, that I became weak, from which I have not yet recovered; and I referred to the case of the woman touching the hem of the garment of Jesus. (Luke 8).” (History of the Church, 5:303.)
      • Elder John Taylor said the Savior’s example of blessing children “should be studiously complied with without hesitancy or objection” (by priesthood holders).
      • We see that Joseph Smith followed the example of the Savior who blessed children in both Israel and the American continent.  (Mark 10:14-16 and 3 Nephi 17).  What an amazing and marvelous thought:  our virtue can be passed to our children.  Our blessings are a force Satan must reckon with.  It makes me want to bless my daughter daily.  It also adds insight to a scripture that has always been a bit puzzling in Luke 8:46.  Virtue can literally leave us to help others.
    2. The new name:
      • A new name is often involved when a covenant relationship is formed.
      • When Adam and Eve were given dominion over the earth, Adam named all the animals (Genesis 2:19-20).
      • God blessed them and named Adam after giving him a body (Genesis 5:2).
      • When we get baptized we follow a similar pattern, taking upon us a new name, the name of Christ.
      • Temple covenants also involve the giving and receiving of names.
    3. The responsibility of blessing a child is bestowed, ideally, on he who helped create that child’s body, and who Heavenly Father entrusted His child with in mortality.
      • Joseph F. Smith – “The patriarchal order is of divine origin and will continue throughout time and eternity.  There is, then, a particular reason why men, women, and children should understand this order and authority in the households of the people of God and seek to make it what God intended it to be, a qualification and preparation for the highest exaltation of his children.  In the home, the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters there is no other authority paramount…This authority carries with it a responsibility, and a grave one, as well as its rights and privileges, and men cannot be too exemplary in their lives, nor fit themselves too carefully to live in harmony with this important and God-ordained rule of conduct in the family organization.”

    It is my experience that giving blessings is often the closest I ever feel to Heavenly Father.  I can feel him speaking through me and it is always a powerful, emotional, and memorable experience.  The opportunity to bless my daughter will be one of the greatest moments of my life.  I have immense gratitude to my Heavenly Father for entrusting Ivy into my care, allowing me to name her, and trusting me to watch over and protect her in this life and through eternity.