No Coincidences

Tag: heart

  • Temple Miracle

    Temple Miracle

    I don’t recall a good temple miracle story for myself.  I love the temple.  I feel peace in the temple.  The truth is, I’ve felt like I have a difficult time after the temple.  The idea that you can take the temple with you and feel peace in the world after leaving, I’ve personally not experienced that.  My experience has been more that as soon as I leave the temple Satan doubles and triples his efforts to bring strife and impatience into my heart.  I feel the world engulf me when I leave that peaceful home.  Of course, those are probably my own shortcomings.

    So, if you asked me my best “temple story”- a story where I felt overwhelming peace, or received a profound answer to prayer, or something drastic in my life changed after a visit, I wouldn’t immediately have an answer.  That’s not to say those things haven’t happened.  I believe if we don’t write down the miracles we experience we seldomly remember them.  What a sad thing to forget miracles.

    Salt Lake Temple

    Which leads me to writing this, to be sure I don’t forget this subtle, but profound and important miracle.

    Recently Beth and I went to the Mesa temple open house.  It was an extraordinary experience.  It was my first time doing a tour of a temple.  I’ve obviously been in the temple many times, but never taken a tour.  Also, it’s been a while since I’ve been to the temple.  Since Covid, I’ve only been to the temple once, for my sister’s wedding, aside from this recent open house visit.

    Touring the temple was amazing.  Every picture inside the temple was spectacular.  I had a hard time not pausing to stare at every picture of Jesus Christ I encountered.  I would have held up the tour if I had done so, but I love staring at any depiction of Christ and trying to fathom who He is.

    The beauty in every detail of the temple is awe-inspiring.  It is a place of pure peace.  I kept tears at bay as I walked through the halls and eternally significant rooms as I realized how much I had missed that place. 

    This leads to my miracle.  It’s small, almost unnoticeable, but significant.

    Beth and I had been having some difficulty the few days, maybe week, leading up to this open house visit.  Normal marriage stuff.  Strife, snippy comments, unkindness, our house hadn’t been a super peaceful and happy place.  I say this with the vulnerability of knowing we (as people, society, etc.) don’t often admit these things, but it’s important to understand what happened after the temple.

    There was something I realized I needed to say to Beth earlier that day, but it was difficult to say because it’s extremely difficult for me to be “touchy-feely” or “lovey-dovey.”  Wasn’t how I was raised. So there was something I needed to say but it was going to be difficult.  Then, after the temple, it came out so naturally and easily.  I believe the temple brought it comfortably out of me. Maybe because being in the temple had reminded me of the covenants I made there with Beth.

    On our drive home from the temple I told Beth this:

    “Things have been hard the past few days but that’s marriage.  It’s not always going to be great.  It’s going to be difficult and we know that.  But I need to remind you, and I need you to know, I’m not going anywhere.  I’m never going anywhere.  And neither are you.  We are here for each other no matter what, no matter how hard it gets.  We made covenants to each other and I plan on keeping mine and I know you plan on keeping yours.  And throughout any challenge we’ll become closer, and more united, and stronger for those challenges.”

    This led to a conversation about the covenants we made and how important our faith is to us, and to our relationship.  I know Beth and I will always be together because I know what our relationship is centered on.  Our relationship is centered on Jesus Christ and a covenant we made with each other that included Him.  Without that rock, without that stable foundation, the world is just too shaky and full of turmoil.  But I know we will grow through any challenge because we made eternal covenants and we plan on sticking to them.

    Where Beth and I were sealed for eternity

    I believe being in the temple in some subconscious way reminded me of the covenants we’d made and made it so easy to have that deep, emotional, and important discussion.

    I’m grateful for the temple and the covenants I’ve made there.  Life and marriage is difficult enough.  With the option of walking away, too many do.  The temple is God’s house and I know that to be true.  I know it is a beacon in a dark world.  I know it is where peace can be found.  I know it is where eternal covenants and a welding link can be established.  I am eternally grateful for that home. I am grateful for the miracle it provided me that day. I am grateful for the miracle the temple is in my life every single day, whether I visit it or not, due to the covenants made there.

    San Diego Temple
  • Miracle Baptisms

    Miracle Baptisms

    My favorite calling I’ve ever had was Ward Mission Leader.  For those who don’t know, I basically helped the full-time missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in any way I could.  Getting to be around missionaries has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  There’s something powerful about being around young men and women that have sacrificed two years in the prime of their life to serve and share about Jesus Christ.

    I’ve always loved stories of faith;  stories of miracles that occur when full faith and devotion is given to something important.  I want to share one of my favorite stories from my time as Ward Mission Leader.

    Missionaries do a lot of amazing things; a lot more than just baptize.  Simply teaching others about Christ is important.  Serving and loving others is important.  Being a representative of Jesus Christ is important. 

    That said, the reason missionaries devote two full years to a mission is the hope to share with someone the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, have it touch that person’s heart, see that person change their life for Christ, and ultimately that person making the decision to be baptized.  Like I said, many amazing things can happen before a baptism.  But, the decision to be baptized and the blessings that come after are the ultimate goal.

    It was for that reason that I decided to set a high bar on a goal as my time as Ward Mission Leader was coming to an end.  I was marrying Beth on 6/1/19.  At that point I would change wards, the building and group I’d been going to since returning to church, and no longer have the calling of Ward Mission Leader.  My greatest hope was that the missionary efforts we had developed as a ward could be continued after I left.

    I set a goal in May for there to be three baptisms in the ward in the month of June.  For some perspective, in the previous year our ward had two baptisms. 

    I started fasting and praying.  I announced in a stake missionary correlation meeting that the Scottsdale YSA Ward would have 3 baptisms in June.

    “That’s awesome!  You have three people on date to be baptized?”  I was asked.

    My response, “No, we don’t have anybody on date.”

    The goal was set nonetheless.  I had faith that if the missionaries and myself fasted and prayed our hearts out, and did our part, a miracle would happen.

    As the month of May progressed things started happening.  There were some individuals the missionaries had been meeting with and teaching about the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  There were two in particular that had been meeting with the missionaries regularly.

    As we continued to pray with this singular focus in our hearts, one of those individuals committed to being baptized on 6/29.  This was amazing!

    There was a second person who wanted to be baptized but there was something getting in the way.  It was a frustration of mine at the time because that person was worthy to be baptized but a technical requirement wasn’t met.  Her living situation caused a problem.  Again, fully worthy, but unable to get baptized until her living situation was changed.

    On 5/25 it was time to call in faith reinforcements.  Up to that point it had been the missionaries, Beth, a couple others, and myself committing our faith to this goal. 

    I wrote this as a reminder for myself on 5/25:

    “I sent a text to ward missionary committee asking them to join fast for miracle three baptisms in June.  It was kind of hard to send the text.  There were moments that I wondered if I should send it and if sending it was right, if I was saying the right thing.  I ended up being somewhat bold saying, “The missionaries and a few of us have been praying for something very specific: 3 individuals to be baptized into the Scottsdale ward in June.  There’s a lot of faith in this as when we started there wasn’t a single person on date to be baptized.  There is now one person who plans to be baptized on June 29th.  The missionaries and I are going to fast and pray for these three individuals to be led to us and for our ward to act when the opportunity comes.  I invite each of you, if you’d like, to join us in fasting and praying for this tomorrow.  I know that there are three people out there that need the gospel of Jesus Christ and are ready to be baptized.  With faith, God will lead these people to us if we are ready to act, and if it’s His will and His plan.  Thanks everybody!  Love each of you.”  Four minutes after sending the text, the missionaries texted me and said that the individual whose living situation was in the way had that issue resolved and just set their date to be baptized for June 8th. So much joy.

    What was hard about sending that text was I wasn’t sure if what I was asking for was right.  I always wanted to ask things of God only if it was His will.  While I know God’s children coming closer to Him is His greatest joy, I worried that my intentions weren’t perfectly aligned with his.  That was the doubt that came before I sent the text.  I decided to send the text because I wanted to faith away my doubts.  That is why I was bold.  That is why the immediate text from the missionaries brought me instantly to the most profound joy, followed by tears.

    It was a miracle.

    I won’t go into details about how the miracle for this person took place. What I will say is this.  It was a major frustration for me for some time that this person couldn’t be baptized despite having a sincere desire to do so, and being worthy to do so. A sequence of events took place that led to there being no issue with the baptism taking place. I was so grateful that a worthy individual could enter the waters of baptism and align themselves with Jesus Christ.

    Another note to myself that I wrote that day so I wouldn’t forget:

    Thinking back on (the issue), I was pretty worked up about it but somehow just moved on.  I came to a feeling of peace about it that I didn’t even know was happening.  But then it worked itself out, or God worked it out, and I look back and realize He spoke peace to my soul.  I can almost hear Him, “Peace, my son. Don’t you know my hand is in these things?  Don’t you know I will care for my children?  Have faith.”

    For those anticipating the miracle third baptism in June- it didn’t happen.  In fact, the second one was delayed to July 13th.  I think that’s wonderful.  I think of it as God’s way of reminding me that my faith is far from perfect.  I set an arbitrary goal of June and to keep me humble He had the second baptism occur in July and the third didn’t happen.  I’m far from truly aligned with His will.  We’re far from being able to work all miracles.  But God does watch.  He does hear.  He does care.  In that ward, we had two baptisms the previous 12 months.  In the 35 days after I left my favorite calling ever, the ward that saved my life, baptized two new members.

    One of those members was recently sealed in the temple.

    The first person I had the pleasure of seeing baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while I was Ward Mission Leader got married in the temple 5 months after his baptism.

    Casper’s Baptism

    Beth and I had the greatest pleasure of hosting 3 former missionaries in our home so we could all go to the wedding together.  I remember sitting in the temple, waiting for the sealing.  Waiting for Casper and Ashlee, two people that had greatly impacted and strengthened my faith, to be sealed to each other for time and all eternity.  I was sitting and thinking.

    Elder Dotson, one of the missionaries who had the honor of teaching Casper the Gospel, came and sat by me.  He told me, “This is why we baptize people.  Baptisms and endowments and all the covenants made are important.  But this is what it’s all about.  Two people getting sealed in the temple.  Starting a family that will be together for eternity.  This is why we do what we do.  This is what it’s all about.”

    I wish everyone could know the joy I’ve felt helping someone find what I’ve found.  I wish I could share the joy of seeing two people sealed together for eternity.  A love never to be separated.  It’s the great plan of our loving Heavenly Father and what we’re here to do.  Develop faith.  Obtain and nurture an eternal family.  Return to Him.

    I’m so grateful for His Plan and the small part I get to play in it.  There is no greater joy.

  • Horror of the Wizard of Oz

    Horror of the Wizard of Oz

    I’ve long held an unpopular opinion.  That opinion is that The Wizard of Oz is the scariest movie ever made.

    I had memories of the last time I watched it.  I was likely 12 or 13 years old.  I was terrified by this movie.  Inevitably I get gawks and then the usual question, “oh, the wicked witch and the flying monkeys… yeah I guess I can see it.”  Emphatic NO.  Those things paled in comparison to the fear that struck my heart at these three characters:

    Just finding that picture gives me the heebie jeebies.

    Those three characters terrify me.

    It is now in my typing this out I must scroll down so I can continue to concentrate.  Their stares haunt me.

    I recently watched this movie again.  I imagined my childhood fear would go away.  They can’t be that creepy, surely.  WRONG.  Instead I gained an adult perspective on what terrified me about these characters.

    Here is what I learned:  these three characters are living in various stages of purgatory.

    Hear me out.

    Exhibit A:  The Scarecrow. 

    We first meet the Scarecrow as he dangles from a post.  No back story on how long he had been there, no idea how he became a scarecrow. Nothing.  That is until I learned that the popular musical Wicked gives us this backstory.  Here’s where my fears are confirmed:  HE WAS ONCE A MAN.  HE WAS TURNED INTO A SCARECROW BY THE WICKED WITCH.  This man is now missing a brain.  With no recollection of who he was or how he became a scarecrow.  He is now a being who regularly loses his innards (that would be the straw always falling out of him).  The worst part is he has a sense of awareness that he’s missing something.  He thinks what he’s missing is his brain, when, in reality, he is sensing his eternal misery as a now straw figure.  I rest my case.

    Exhibit B:  The Tin Man

    We meet the Tin Man frozen in a sad state.  Frozen solid.  He can’t move his eyes, arms, legs, anything.  Stuck solid.  He is in a perpetual state of immobility.  Able to think, unable to speak, unable to move or do anything about it.  What could be more terrifying?  Imagine how sore this would cause him to be.  This must be excruciating physically, to say nothing of the mental torture.  Stuck in one position.  To be accurate I went back and watched this clip from the movie (won’t be sleeping tonight).  The Tin Man, as soon as he is able to speak says, “I’ve held that axe up for ages.”  HORRIBLE.  He goes on to say it was a year ago that he was frozen solid.  Stuck in that state for a full year.  Need I say more?

    Exhibit C:  The Lion

    This one is a little trickier.  It’s a little less obvious.  Let’s open up by asking a simple question:  what is one of the worst feelings in the world?  There are a few options.  Pain is obvious.  What of fear?  What of having no reason whatsoever to fear, but nevertheless fearing everything in sight?  We have a lion.  King of the jungle.  Predator of predators.  And yet, he’s terrified of all he comes in contact with.  What could be a worse form of torture than being given all the attributes of a fearless creature then being burdened with the gut-wrenching, debilitating feeling of constant fear?  Purgatory indeed.

    As a kid I thought it was their grotesque, simultaneously unreal looking, but then hauntingly realistic costumes that terrified me.  As an adult I am justified.  Yes, their appearance is terrifying.  Enough to give children and adults alike nightmares.  That is not the truly terrifying nature of this film though.  Losing who you are, frozen in place indefinitely, and the constant feeling of unsettled fear.  What could be worse than these three fates?

    At the end they are given fake tokens to remove their purgatory-like natures.  All this does is add insult to injury.  The Scarecrow leaves with a piece of paper, soon to realize it tells him nothing of who he is and surely does not mean he has his brain back.  The Tin Man, desiring a heart, not realizing it’s a true human form he needs, gets a cheap piece of glowing plastic.  The Lion receives a badge of honor, which will simply be a reminder of how cowardly he is as soon as he reenters the real world.  Their purgatory continues.  Stuck eternally in a state of non-being. I can imagine nothing more terrifying.

  • Ivy James Quackenbush 12/4/20

    Ivy James Quackenbush 12/4/20

    Ivy came today. I’m writing this in a bit of a haze. I keep getting told to get used to it.

    Beth started having contractions around 2AM this morning. Apparently I asked her if she was OK around 2:30AM. Don’t have a complete recollection of that.

    Around 5AM her water broke. We were at the hospital around 6AM. Beth got checked in and I believe was around 3.5cm.

    At 6:30AM I received a text from my father-in-law (shout out Keith Cannon), “Of course we’re praying for Beth and Ivy. But also for you. I hope you stay conscious. Good luck.”

    Between 6AM and 8:30AM things moved very quickly.

    At 7:57AM I texted my mom and told her Beth seemed to be in so much pain. They wanted her to finish some pitocin.

    I think it was 8:30AM when they came back in and kind of freaked out. Beth was in excruciating pain and at about 9cm. 10cm (I learned) is what is needed to start delivery.

    I started getting our stuff together while they quickly wheeled her to the delivery room. When I came out into the hallway they were gone. I started wandering and came upon a man in scrubs. I asked him if someone came this way and he asked who. I told him he would have known if they did. I walked down the other hall and came up to a nurse. She asked what I was looking for and I said, “the screaming.” She led me to the delivery room.

    I texted my mom from the delivery room at 9:07am, “Close.”

    They finally got the epidural in at that time which made things drastically better. Beth improved immediately.

    From 9:07AM to 9:23AM Beth went from writhing, screaming, and crying in pain to texting my mom. “Epidural has kicked in and I’m 10cm. I’ll probably deliver in an hour or so. They were shocked how fast I was moving.”

    I’ve heard over and over about this thing that happens when becoming a father. I can’t emphasize it enough. I can’t say it with adequate enthusiasm or exaggeration.

    When I first saw Ivy James Quackenbush my heart expanded, my world flipped upside down. In an instant I realized I would do anything, I would give my life without a second thought and at a moment’s notice for that beautiful soul. She was perfect, so beautiful.

    I wish I could put it into words, but they’re not enough. My life as I knew it was over. And I knew it. This little thing was the new center. The center of my universe- along with Beth.

    Watching what Beth went through, so much pain, to bring this life into the world. I instantly had something open up inside of me. Appreciation for my mother. ‘She went through this for me?!?!’ Love and awe at the strength of my wife and all women. How can a man walk out on a wife after seeing her bring the most important thing in the world, into the world? I thought of so many mothers – Eve, Mary, my mom, my wife. My Ivy.

    How can women be treated the way they are in the world when they are the entire world? They’re why we’re all here.

    I loved these two in a way I didn’t know was possible.

    I couldn’t stop staring at Ivy. The gravitational pull of the universe had changed.

    Beth held her and she screamed. Let the record show I cut the cord. She screamed and it was simultaneously the most fascinating and most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. I didn’t know a scream could be so powerful.

    I put my finger out and Ivy grabbed. She stopped screaming. The nurses started to take her for measurements and she wouldn’t let go of my finger. My heart!

    I followed her. The thoughts I hadn’t let start because her coming had always been surreal started to flood my mind: I’m going to play basketball with her. I hope she loves basketball. We’ll play together. We’ll be best friends. I hope I never hurt her. I hope I can always protect her.

    How does Heavenly Father love me? I’m a little closer to understanding today. I’m a little closer to understanding what true love is.

    Ivy James Quackenbush and Elisabeth Brooke Quackenbush. My family.

    7lb 3oz 21in 10:59am. Perfect.