No Coincidences

Tag: Heavenly Father

  • Ivy’s First 48 Hours

    Ivy’s First 48 Hours

    The first 48 hours, it turns out, is not just a homicide drama on television or the most important time after a homicide, it’s also an important time after the birth of a newborn.

    The first 24 hours in the hospital went amazing.  There’s no better word than amazing.  Ivy slept the whole time.  Beth would have to wake her to eat.  She would eat and immediately go back to sleep.  We were warned of the calm before the storm.

    Nurses would come in and do this test or that.  She cried once when I was holding her for like 5 seconds.  She didn’t cry at all during her first bath.  She looked like she was enjoying a spa day.

    When another nurse pricked her foot for blood I asked if babies usually cried during that.  She said, “well, I gave her sugar water.”  I don’t know what that means but maybe we should be keeping sugar water on hand.  What I do know is there was no crying while at the hospital after her initial couple hours coming into the world.

    We brought her home around 4:30pm 12/5/20.  Becky (mother-in-law) and Jane (new aunt) were at the condo.  Apparently Bengie was disturbed by how we left the previous morning.  He had been acting strange while we were away and licked us even crazier than usual when we got home.  He didn’t seem to notice the new addition.  Yet.

    Becky made dinner.  Jane held Ivy.  Keith (father-in law) came over after his shift at the hospital.  Everyone expressed joy at a newborn.

    The first night was interesting.  While I think she was still pretty well behaved, it’s crazy how small interruptions to sleep can be completely disorienting. 

    We went to sleep around midnight.  Mistake number one.  I’ve been told this by many people, but I think I’ll have to learn firsthand.  Really – take sleep whenever it’s available.  Ivy and I were watching ASU football until 11:30pm.  Beth fed her and put her down to sleep around that time.

    At 2:00am Ivy started crying.  I’ll do my best to replay the events of the night, but Beth and I had great difficulty piecing events together in the morning. 

    I believe Beth tried to feed her, but she wasn’t really eating.  Cluster-feeding?  I don’t know. 

    *Beth update when reading this – she did feed her before I woke up at 2:00am, we think?

    Things that happened, order unknown:

    Beth made a bottle. Beth passed a blood clot. She was upset and scared and talked to her mom. Determined it was ok unless other symptoms/things happened. Beth was upset and having a hard time. I swapped spots with her and laid by Ivy’s bed, which for the first couple months (I think?) will be lying next to our bed. I fed Ivy half of the bottle Beth prepared.

    Ivy was somewhat fussy and always on the verge of crying.  Between 2am and 4am I realized she had a very messy diaper.  Explained the fussy.  I changed Ivy in the other room and laid her back down in her bed.  She was much better.  I’m not sure if Beth was completely sleeping during this time.  I think she was kind of in and out of it.  She was exhausted. 

    I laid with my hand on Ivy or helping to keep her pacifier in which seemed to settle her down.  I think I slept around 4am.  Again, not sure how things transpired, but at some point I woke up because Ivy was fussing.  Looked like she was hungry.  I talked to Beth around 5am (maybe?) about Ivy being hungry.  I think at some point Beth turned the hot air on in the room.  It had gotten cold in the room.  I could have sworn I passed Ivy to Beth around 5am to feed but in the morning neither of us could recall if that actually happened.  Funny, but being serious. 

    At some point I was really hot, and Ivy was fine.  She was sleeping like a, you guessed it, baby.  Really, she was sleeping well.  Interesting we use that phrase to indicate deep sleep when in reality sleeping like a baby is more like up every 90 minutes wanting some attention.  The living room was cooler, so I curled up on the couch and slept there.  Again, at some point (8am?) I woke up to the loud carbon monoxide alarm.  It beeped loud, 3 times.  I saw Beth coming from the kitchen.  I couldn’t fathom why she would make 3 loud beeps happen.  She seemed in a haze.  She ignored the loud beeping.  That confused me more.  I learned Bengie was sleeping on my legs.  His number one fear is loud beeps.  He jumped and ran to the bedroom, under the bed, tried to jump on the bed but Ivy’s bassinette was in the way.  He ran back and jumped on me.  He repeated this 3 times.  I held and pet him and he was shaking like crazy.  When I stopped petting, he ran to the bedroom, found his way onto the bed, and burrowed into the blankets.

    The new addition was proving to be a major interruption to his routine, peace, and quiet.

    **Beth addition number two – “you must have been in a haze too, when the beep went off, I yelled ‘oh –.’” (followed by a bad word).

    I am not denying any sort of hazy phase.  I was a cloud of confusion.

    I guess the morning had started.

    Ivy was peaceful as could be, as far as I could tell.  She’s been an angel ever since.  While writing this she was curled up on my legs/lap in front of me.  Already learning to multi-task. Her pacifier just fell out.  She likes her pacifier. 

    I still got to meditate that first day.  That was big.

    Becky came by and made some food.  I decided to fast in gratitude to Heavenly Father for all this.

    Beth proofread this and told me to insert “I was a Rockstar” talking about myself.  That’s a bit much.  Beth’s done all the hard work and is completely exhausted.  I’ve gotten to sleep next to Ivy and take care of the most important person in the world.  And she’s so cute.  And when I sleep, I get to put my hand on her and be with her. 

    Good deal.  I’ll take it.

    Ivy may be the “Coo Monster.”  She’s constantly coo-ing.  It’s heart-melting.  The cutest little hums and noises.  I love her very much.  It’s amazing how much I like caring for her.  It’s crazy how exhausted I can be already and yet how happy.

    Ivy went on a short walk in her stroller today.

    She loves her swing.

    She loves if I gently tickle her head or face with my fingers.  Her eyes will instantly flutter closed.

    Bengie and Ivy

    I love her.

  • Ivy James Quackenbush 12/4/20

    Ivy James Quackenbush 12/4/20

    Ivy came today. I’m writing this in a bit of a haze. I keep getting told to get used to it.

    Beth started having contractions around 2AM this morning. Apparently I asked her if she was OK around 2:30AM. Don’t have a complete recollection of that.

    Around 5AM her water broke. We were at the hospital around 6AM. Beth got checked in and I believe was around 3.5cm.

    At 6:30AM I received a text from my father-in-law (shout out Keith Cannon), “Of course we’re praying for Beth and Ivy. But also for you. I hope you stay conscious. Good luck.”

    Between 6AM and 8:30AM things moved very quickly.

    At 7:57AM I texted my mom and told her Beth seemed to be in so much pain. They wanted her to finish some pitocin.

    I think it was 8:30AM when they came back in and kind of freaked out. Beth was in excruciating pain and at about 9cm. 10cm (I learned) is what is needed to start delivery.

    I started getting our stuff together while they quickly wheeled her to the delivery room. When I came out into the hallway they were gone. I started wandering and came upon a man in scrubs. I asked him if someone came this way and he asked who. I told him he would have known if they did. I walked down the other hall and came up to a nurse. She asked what I was looking for and I said, “the screaming.” She led me to the delivery room.

    I texted my mom from the delivery room at 9:07am, “Close.”

    They finally got the epidural in at that time which made things drastically better. Beth improved immediately.

    From 9:07AM to 9:23AM Beth went from writhing, screaming, and crying in pain to texting my mom. “Epidural has kicked in and I’m 10cm. I’ll probably deliver in an hour or so. They were shocked how fast I was moving.”

    I’ve heard over and over about this thing that happens when becoming a father. I can’t emphasize it enough. I can’t say it with adequate enthusiasm or exaggeration.

    When I first saw Ivy James Quackenbush my heart expanded, my world flipped upside down. In an instant I realized I would do anything, I would give my life without a second thought and at a moment’s notice for that beautiful soul. She was perfect, so beautiful.

    I wish I could put it into words, but they’re not enough. My life as I knew it was over. And I knew it. This little thing was the new center. The center of my universe- along with Beth.

    Watching what Beth went through, so much pain, to bring this life into the world. I instantly had something open up inside of me. Appreciation for my mother. ‘She went through this for me?!?!’ Love and awe at the strength of my wife and all women. How can a man walk out on a wife after seeing her bring the most important thing in the world, into the world? I thought of so many mothers – Eve, Mary, my mom, my wife. My Ivy.

    How can women be treated the way they are in the world when they are the entire world? They’re why we’re all here.

    I loved these two in a way I didn’t know was possible.

    I couldn’t stop staring at Ivy. The gravitational pull of the universe had changed.

    Beth held her and she screamed. Let the record show I cut the cord. She screamed and it was simultaneously the most fascinating and most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. I didn’t know a scream could be so powerful.

    I put my finger out and Ivy grabbed. She stopped screaming. The nurses started to take her for measurements and she wouldn’t let go of my finger. My heart!

    I followed her. The thoughts I hadn’t let start because her coming had always been surreal started to flood my mind: I’m going to play basketball with her. I hope she loves basketball. We’ll play together. We’ll be best friends. I hope I never hurt her. I hope I can always protect her.

    How does Heavenly Father love me? I’m a little closer to understanding today. I’m a little closer to understanding what true love is.

    Ivy James Quackenbush and Elisabeth Brooke Quackenbush. My family.

    7lb 3oz 21in 10:59am. Perfect.
  • The Chance of Faith

    The Chance of Faith

    One Sunday I was in my car with a friend, CJ Matthews.  We were driving after church to go do something.  I can’t remember what it was.  Visit someone or give a blessing or something that like.

    A few minutes into the drive I realized I was out of gas. I remembered I’d been out of gas since I left my home that morning to drive to church.  It was 20 minutes to our location. It would be 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back to CJ’s car. Then the drive home. No way I could make it without getting gas.

    Which Gasoline Should You Buy?
    Not me on a Sunday unless CJ is in the car.

    I informed CJ of our dilemma.  I let him know I wouldn’t be getting gas on a Sunday.  God would get us there and get us back.  If you could see the look on CJ’s face!  It was great.  His response, “Is God going to turn air into gasoline for you to return?  Pull over and get gas.  I’m not walking to a gas station.”

    I eventually complied with his request, though begrudgingly.  I had the faith that God would help us accomplish what we needed to accomplish without having to stop for gas.

    This is a topic my wife and I playfully debate often.  I try to say that I have no concern about my life or well-being.  If I’m meant to die, I will die when God needs me back and not a second sooner.  I joke often that the best way to die would be by lightning at the top of a mountain.  That would clearly indicate an urgent need God had for me to return and start serving Him on the other side.

    My wife is in the other school of thought.  She agrees with CJ.  Don’t put yourself in harm’s way.  Don’t put yourself at risk.  Don’t be stupid. Boring!  I’m inclined to be stupid. Sometimes I consider it my way of showing God I have faith. I know, my wife has already told me I’m stupid.

    Anyways.

    I’ve made this a joking introduction but it’s something I truly struggle with. 

    Where does faith end and wise action start?

    The principle is told in a story that I love and think about often.  The story goes like this, I’ll tell my version.

    Flood. Man on the roof of his house

    A great flood comes, and a man gets on top of the roof of his house.  A man comes by in a canoe.  “Hop in!”  he yells.  The man on the roof calmly tells him no thanks.  The water gets higher.  A couple in a boat comes by.  “Get in!  The water is rising!”  The man on the roof calmly denies the gesture and stays on his roof.  The water gets higher.  The man on the roof is close to being overtaken by the water.  A helicopter comes by and throws a rope down.  The man on the roof waves it away.

    The man on the roof is finally overtaken by the water and drowns.

    When in heaven he looks to God and asks, “I prayed the whole time I was on the roof.  Why didn’t you help me?”

    God replies, “I sent you a canoe, a boat, and a helicopter!  What else did you want from me?”

    I know what the scriptures tell us.  I know God wants wise servants.  I know he wants us to be prepared.  I know He wants us to work problems out in our minds and learn to problem solve.  I know we’re here to learn to make good choices. 

    But I also know we’re here to learn faith.  We’re here to learn obedience.  We’re here to learn to trust God.

    I hope I live my life with a firm belief that God will guide me wherever He needs me as long as I do my part.  I often joke about how God holds my hand and guides me to places, decisions, people.  I often joke how God has been there with me every step of the way.  He has blessed me in so many profound ways I can’t deny His loving guidance in every moment of my life.

    I know that God still wants me to do my part.

    So, I put my faith forward.  God will get me there!  Or does God put a gas station directly on my journey so I can get gas?  How often is God up there, exasperated, “I put the gas station right along the way!”  Or even better, “I put CJ and Beth around you to balance out your silly refusal to take care of yourself!”

    I wonder how often I’m turning away the canoe, boat, and helicopter.  I only hope I’m ultimately doing what God wants me to do.  I think that’s the best any of us can do.

  • Faith and Signs

    Faith and Signs

    3 Nephi chapter 2 is a fascinating and important part of the Book of Mormon.  It’s especially important to our day.  There’s a chance our moment in history could be parallel to this time in the Book of Mormon record.

    The start of chapter 2 tells us that despite many signs, wonders, and prophesied events coming about, the people continued to harden their hearts and scoff at the idea of a being like Jesus Christ, the Son of God, ever visiting them.   

    Verse 8 reads:

    “Now the Nephites began to reckon their time from this period when the sign was given, or from the coming of Christ; therefore, nine years had passed away.”

    There are two important points I want to make here.

    First, many miraculous signs happened.  This resulted in an extremely short-lived conversion. 

    3 Nephi 1:22 in part reads:

    “the more part of the people did believe, and were converted unto the Lord.”

    A mere 3 years (3 years!) and we have 3 Nephi 2:1:

    “the people began to forget those signs and wonders which they had heard, and began to be less and less astonished at a sign or a wonder from heaven, insomuch that they began to be hard in their hearts, and blind in their minds..”

    We see here how an outward sign can have a bolstering effect on faith, but ultimately signs create temporary faith.  The people didn’t do the necessary work to grow, strengthen, and develop their faith.  Within 3 years those signs were a distant memory.  Their day to day deeds and thoughts were what shaped them.  Those who continued to pray, look for Christ, and study the words of the prophets looked forward to a miraculous day.  Those who saw a sign and only momentarily changed their thinking or habits soon fell back into their disbelieving and hard-hearted ways.

    Terrance Szink says, “the conversion was the result of an outward sign and required no work on the part of the people.  They had seen the sign but, for the most part, they did not sustain their faith.”

    Faith must be practiced daily. If not, it will die like a flower without water.  We are entering a time just like this time in the Book of Mormon.  We are entering a time when signs will become common.  Miraculous events will happen around us.  How many around us will harden their hearts and not see what is right in front of them? 

    There will come a time when Biblical prophesies will start to be more obvious.  There are already signs around us that have been prophesied for centuries.  These signs will become more obvious.  This will only temporarily make people look to God, if it does at all.  Soon people will scoff at believers. People will speak of science and coincidence.  Many will say Christ is not coming because He doesn’t come in their expected timing.  Christ will come exactly when He intends to.

    The second point I want to make is more just an interesting thought.

    How funny is it that a vast majority of the people in the Book of Mormon quickly forgot the signs they’d seen? Yet, as a whole, the people changed how they kept track of time.  They started to speak of years in terms of the time since the sign appeared.  How ironic is that?  These people that didn’t believe the sign still acknowledged it was important enough that they changed how they tracked time.

    It’s reminiscent of today.  As a society we use the year 2020 as the time since Christ’s birth.  Yet, how many people among us today don’t even believe in Jesus Christ?  How many don’t believe He was the Son of God? He was important enough for us to mark our calendar by Him but not important enough to actually believe in Him.

    I believe many will have to answer for this hypocrisy one day.  The signs of Christ are obvious.  The impact He had on the world are so profound, and yet many still deny.  One day we will all have to stand before God and either accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, or reject Him.  I hope on that day our hearts are not hardened and we don’t deny the grace and love that will be right before us.

  • Lectures on Faith

    Lectures on Faith

    Lectures on Faith – Introduction and Lecture 1: Faith Defined.

    I’ve been watching a series of videos on the Lectures on Faith as supplemental material to my study of the Lectures.

    If you’re not familiar with the lectures on faith, you can read them all here:

    https://lecturesonfaith.com/

    It’s unclear who officially wrote the Lectures on Faith, though they were approved of and taught by Joseph Smith.  At a minimum, the concepts and theology of them comes from revelation given to Joseph Smith.  Yet another example and evidence of his calling as a prophet.

    I write here my notes and thoughts on these videos and the lectures.  There are seven Lectures.  The 10 video series I’ve been watching spans almost 5 hours and reviews each of the Lectures.  In writing this it will help me put together my thoughts and understanding on what Joseph Smith tried to teach us about faith.  Through this process I know my faith will grow by studying these principles.  What Joseph Smith taught about faith is beyond profound, it is revelatory. I will need to study his words and all supplemental material for the rest of my life to get a grasp of the profound and eternal nature of faith.  I look forward to reading over my notes here many times to refresh my mind and expand my knowledge on the subject.

    Video 1 was an introduction to the Lectures.  Video 2 was all about Lecture 1 – Faith Defined. 

    First, what are the Lectures on Faith?  They are principles put together by Joseph Smith to help early elders to share the gospel.

    What do the seven lectures cover? (from Video 1)

    Lecture 1 What is faith?

    Lecture 2 Links the principles of faith and the doctrine of revelation.  The power of human testimony is the medium with which the gospel is passed from generation to generation.

    Lectures 3 and 4 The character and attributes of God.  If we don’t understand the attributes of God, we can’t have confidence to exercise proper faith in Him.

    Lecture 5 The Godhead, nature of the members of the Godhead.

    Lecture 6 The Law of Sacrifice.

    Lecture 7 The fruits of faith.

    What is the plan for the Lectures on Faith?

    1. Teach what faith is.
    2. Teach how to obtain faith.
    3. What happens if you obtain faith?
    Lectures on Faith: The Exalted Nature of the Godhead (Part ...
    Bob Millet

    My favorite part from the first video was this suggestion from Bob Millet, one of the panelists. His suggestion was this: read the Lectures on Faith 20 times then you can start to study them.

    Now that I have an overview on what all 7 lectures will cover and teach, I can get into Lecture 1.

    Lecture 1: Faith Defined

    Obvious question to start, what is faith?

    Faith is the first principle in revealed religion and the foundation of righteousness.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for but not seen (Hebrews 11:1).  The lecture starts broad – faith is the belief that something will come to pass.  Then it gets more religious in tone: “the principle of action in all intelligent beings.”

    Faith is a principle of action.  Faith implies works, it implies activity, both physical and mental.  Just as faith is the moving action in all things temporal, so it is with spiritual (paragraph 12). 

    By faith God formed the earth.  I think this is the most profound point from Lecture 1.  That it is God’s faith that is His power.  Take faith from God and He would cease to exist (paragraph 16).  I know to many this seems like outright blasphemy.  But before rejecting the idea without thought, consider what is being said.  Faith is a principle of power.  It is the power by which God formed the earth.  Take away His faith, take away His power, He ceases to be God.  Luckily for us God’s power cannot be taken away.

    God’s faith and knowledge are equivalent.  It is God’s perfect faith that allows His perfect knowledge.  Consider: faith is believing in something that you haven’t yet seen.  Since God’s faith is perfect what He has faith in will be, it will exist.  We mortals look at faith as weak, unproven, unscientific.  It is God’s trust in the Plan of Salvation that makes Him create worlds. It is God’s perfect faith that created those worlds. It is God’s perfect faith that makes Him the Almighty.

    Again, faith is the power of God.  If faith is that important, it adds a whole new meaning, explanation, and understanding to this life.  Why do we move through life as if through a misty darkness, unsure of everything?  Why the veil that covers our eyes and fogs our minds to so much that we used to know?  Why don’t we know where we come from?  Why don’t we know where we’re going?  Why doesn’t God send angels down to tell us which church is true?  Why doesn’t God allow profound miracles to occur before unbelievers’ eyes so they can KNOW that He exists?  The reason God doesn’t do these things is due to the importance of faith.  We are here to learn faith, develop faith, grow faith; because it is that important.  God does not want to take that opportunity of growth and development away from us.  He won’t.  He knows how critical it is.

    Faith, then, is the first great governing principle which has power, dominion, and authority over all things: by it they exist, by it they are upheld, by it they are changed, or by it they remain, agreeably to the will of God.  Without it, there is no power, and without power there could be no creation, nor existence!” (Paragraph 24).

    Link to Lecture 1: https://lecturesonfaith.com/1/

    Link to Video 1 An Introduction on the Lectures: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiV4dCY9OEA&list=PLc5yYrpPFm2umksQf3jgULxoV4YIXTd2h&index=1

    Link to Video 2 What is faith?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_EXFQK-KJE&list=PLc5yYrpPFm2umksQf3jgULxoV4YIXTd2h&index=2