No Coincidences

Tag: hopes

  • San Junipero

    San Junipero

    I really enjoy the show Black Mirror on Netflix.

    For those who don’t know the show, each season includes independent episodes that usually (but not always) have a futuristic, technological theme.

    One of my favorite episodes is called San Junipero.

    I don’t love this episode for its ending. I love it for how it makes me think. Funny enough, I watched the episode a second time, 7 years after the first viewing. Usually when something really makes me think, I pull out my phone and start writing down my thoughts.

    In 2025 when I rewatched San Junipero, I pulled out my phone to take notes. I found notes I took 7 years prior. I didn’t remember taking those notes. But they fit exactly what I thought 7 years later watching the episode a second time. Good to see I’m consistent. Typing those thoughts out led to this blog post.

    In the show, San Junipero is a virtual reality where people can upload their consciousness to live and experience life much like in the real world. In San Junipero, people can eat, drink, laugh, dance, and do seemingly all of the things that you can do in real life.  

    The main character is named Yorki. Yorki meets a character named Kelly (I hope it goes without saying that there are about to be spoilers for the episode).

    Yorki and Kelly start a romance in San Junipero. In San Junipero, everyone is young and vibrant. We learn that in the real world Yorki is an old woman who was paralyzed at the age of 20 and has spent her entire life in a coma-like state. Kelly is an old woman who was given 3 months to live 6 months ago.

    We learn that Kelly was married for many years to a man named Richard. Kelly and Richard… well, I’ll let Kelly tell the story.

    The episode comes to a climax when Yorki is trying to convince Kelly to stay with her in San Junipero.

    This leads to one of the most powerful monologues I’ve ever seen on television. In exasperation and frustration at Yorki’s request, Kelly exploded (you can watch the exact clip on YouTube HERE):

    “49 years. I was with him for 49 years. You can’t begin to imagine. You can’t know. The bond, the commitment, the boredom, the yearning, the laughter, the love of it. The *expletive love. You just cannot know. Everything we sacrificed. The years I gave him. The years he gave me. Did you think to ask? Did it occur to you to ask?

    “We had a daughter, Allison. Always difficult, always beautiful. Died at 39 years old, bless her heart. And Richard and I, we felt that heartbreak as one.

    “You know when he was dying, Rich said to me, when they offered him this, to pass over, pass through, spend eternity in this *expletive graveyard you’re so in love with, he said, ‘How can I? When she missed out, how can I?’ And so he went. And I wish I could believe he’s with her now, that they’re together, but I don’t. I believe they’re nowhere. Just like you said. Gone…

    “And now you give me some sales pitch about how *expletive peachy forever could be. You want to spend forever somewhere nothing matters? End up like Wes. All those lost *expletives at the Quagmire trying anything to feel something, go ahead. But I’m out. I’m gone.”

    The episode goes on. You see a coffin being lowered into a grave next to Richard’s tombstone. You think that’s the end.

    Black Mirror is known for its twists. I love it for its twists. I hated this twist.

    Kelly is back in San Junipero with Yorki. She decided not to “pass on.” She stayed in San Junipero. The show plays background music of Belinda Carlisle’s Heaven is a Place on Earth.

    While this may seem like a happy ending, the broader implications broke my heart.

    Obviously, I’m going to take this from a perspective of faith.

    There’s a lot to unpack here and a lot to consider. It’s why, despite my dislike for the ending, it’ s still one of my favorite episodes.

    Kelly could have “moved on” and spent an eternity with her husband and daughter. Instead she decided to stay in an artificial world.

    What is the lesson here?

    Her husband Rich had a particle of faith. Just a mustard seed of faith, you might say. Kelly couldn’t exhibit even that. She said herself, “I wish I could believe he’s with her now.” Wish. She Wishes. She hopes, probably. But she couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t even give real honest effort. She could only wish and hope but she couldn’t believe. According to Kelly Richard didn’t believe, but clearly he tried to. From a faithful perspective, what did Richard get? An eternity with his beloved daughter. What did Kelly get? An eternity in a fake and counterfeit world.

    Kelly took the guarantee in front of her. She took what she knew. She chose earth. She chose an existence of “trying to feel alive” over eternal life.

    Kelly’s monologue makes mention of a place called the Quagmire. The definition of quagmire is: “a soft boggy area of land that gives way underfoot.” A land that gives way underfoot = unsteady, uncertain, unsure. A sandy foundation.

    The Quagmire was a disgusting, sad, pathetic place where people in San Junipero went to party. It was all grotesque acts, cage fighting, drugs – all the worst of the world. Why did so many people in San Junipero go to the Quagmire? A hell-hole of debauchery? Kelly in her monologue pointed out the reason the living souls of the dead in San Junipero went there. Why would they go to somewhere so horrible? Just to try to feel alive.

    This is another eternal point to consider. The Quagmire clearly represented hell. Hell is a lack of progression. Hell is a lack of purpose.

    What is life without purpose? What is your purpose?

    Kelly chose a fake world. Will her life there be happy? Maybe. It might even be amazing, from an earthly perspective.

    We know that people really will make this choice. When some die, they can’t enjoy an otherworldly experience because they are too attached to this world. It’s the reason Jesus said to leave all earthly things behind and seek after eternal things. There is so much in store for us if we can just seek it out. Some will choose this world and this life because they can’t garner the faith to hope for something so much more.

    For those that want a greater blessing, there will be an eternity of love and joy, and things we can’t even begin to wrap our minds around – amazing, spectacular, fantastic things. But if we get too stuck in this world, we’ll miss the opportunity for that so much more.

    The fictional Richard hoped for so much more. He wished for so much more. He believed it just enough that he received it. A blessed existence for eternity with his daughter.

    I so wished the show would have taken an “eternal perspective” for once. But alas, it is a show of the world.

  • How did I get here?

    How did I get here?

    What is my goal in writing this blog?

    Hopefully to uplift someone, anyone.  Believer, nonbeliever.  Member of the Church of Jesus Christ, member of any church, member of no church.  I’d like to teach people who know nothing about this faith some of what I believe.  I’d like to share with members of my faith the things that have impacted my testimony.

    Recently a new motivation has emerged.  With a daughter on the way I realize one day she can read all this.  Whether or not anyone reads any of this.  One day my daughter might.

    Right now, I’m posting individual posts that are unrelated to each other.  Mostly my thoughts and musings.  As I post more, I plan on categorizing posts into certain sections.  If someone could come to this page and read a quick one to two-page entry and leave slightly uplifted, that’s my ultimate goal.  Most of my writing I hope to be somewhat thought provoking.  Just things I’ve thought about or ideas and concepts that have really impacted me and changed the way I’ve looked at life.

    I hope for this to be informational.  I was greatly impacted by the writing of a man, John Pontius.  As I read more, I’m impacted by the writings of many people who took the time to put thoughts on paper.  Maybe something I write one day will help someone.  I also hope to discuss what I feel makes the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ special.  I hope for people not of my faith to read, and maybe have something stirred in their souls.  Something that reminds them of where they came from, and maybe have a desire to learn more about Christ’s Church and what makes it so important. 

    As I write I’ll share a lot about me.  I wanted a section to describe, briefly, who I am and how I got here.

    Anybody reading on my page will immediately notice the strong religious theme.  It’s what I think about most.  For a portion of my life, it was not this way.


    About me:

    I was born in Payson, Utah in 1990.  I moved to St. George, Utah when I was ~5.  I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada when I was ~9.  I lived in three houses from ages 9 to 18 in Las Vegas.  We moved a lot and that was always difficult for me while growing up.  

    History – Payson
    Payson, Utah
    The Establishment & History of St. George - Greater Zion
    St. George, Utah
    New Luxury Homes for Sale in Las Vegas, NV | Shadow Point
    Las Vegas, Nevada

    In 2009 I moved to Arizona to go to Arizona State University.  I decided early on I didn’t want to go to UNLV (University of Nevada Las Vegas) or UNR (University of Nevada Reno).  I wanted to get out of Nevada, I wanted a fresh start.  I had no family in Arizona.  Las Vegas wasn’t far, but I would be completely on my own.

    I still remember when I was driving to Arizona for orientation with my mom.  She got sick on the way and we stopped.  I think we were in Boulder City, about an hour into the drive.  I took her to the emergency room.  My dad drove there to be with my mom.  I had to be at orientation the next morning.  I drove to Arizona by myself.  It was the first time I’d driven that kind of distance alone and was symbolic of me becoming independent.

    I went to ASU for five semesters.  I studied construction management.  I always did well in high school with minimal effort.  I’m one of those obnoxious individuals who brags about never studying in high school.  Boy did I learn my lesson once I got to college.  My grades, with zero work ethic and desire, quickly reflected my effort.  It didn’t help that I soon realized I wasn’t interested in what I was studying.  Construction management can be interesting, but it wasn’t for me.  There’s only so much I could take learning about the strength of concrete.

    The College Dropout Turns Fifteen — Scene+Heard
    Like if you get the reference

    My junior year I officially dropped out of college with (of course) the intention of going back and finishing once I found my passion.  I say “of course” because that’s what we all say.  During school I found that I was much more interested in parties, poker, and basketball than I was in learning about safety standards of construction sites.  When I stopped going to school I continued to live on campus and enjoy college life, minus the higher education part.  I spent a full year couch surfing.  I’m sheepish to admit now, but I look back fondly on that year.  It was a year spent staying up until 5am, waking up at 1pm, sneaking into the student rec center to play basketball, getting food, finding a party, rinse/repeat.  It may sound like a pathetic use of time but it’s something I think I needed to experience.

    If my daughter ever reads this – not everyone needs to experience this.  That’s part of why I’m writing.  To show that I made mistakes and lived life a certain way.  Ultimately, I can’t regret it because it eventually got me to where I am today.  I have learned through my own experiences where true happiness exists.  True happiness comes from serving others, giving yourself to something bigger than yourself.  True happiness comes from loving others.  I had to go a round-about way to learn what’s important in life.  Not everyone has to make things as difficult as I made things for myself.

    During my time couch surfing, I was working odd jobs here and there to have enough money for food and extra-curricular activities.  I went to Utah near the end of this adventure for some “soul searching.” After “finding myself,” or not finding myself, I ended up back in Arizona working as a helpdesk tech for two companies.  I went with one of those companies 3 years later when they switched offices and took over as the Systems Administrator.  I now (as of 2020) work for a managed services provider supporting various companies with their technology needs. 

    As I write this blurb about my journey and my past, many thoughts come to mind of what I learned along the way.  I might refer back to this when I need a topic to write about.  Like my lack of desire studying something I wasn’t passionate about or the years spent partying and what that taught me about what I want out of life.

    Faith-wise, I started falling away from the church, due to my choices, when I was 16.  I always had a testimony of this restored church, of Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, and Jesus Christ.  That never changed.  Despite my many mistakes and many wrong decisions, I always knew it was true.  When I went to ASU I lost contact with the church completely.  It amazes me to look back and realize I didn’t even know where the church building/institute building/anything related to the church was on campus.  It’s like I’d lost connection with that part of me.

    Throughout the years I’d attempt half-heartedly to return to church.  It never stuck.  I was completely inactive from about 18-25.  Seven long years of inactivity.

    As of this year, 2020, I’ve been back at church for four years and never been happier.  I hope to express through my writing the joy the gospel has brought me and share some of my experiences that can maybe help others.  That’s the hope.  I’ve felt drawn to writing these entries so if one person is helped it’s a major win.

    And if all these hopes fail, I’ll at least be able to look back on everything I’ve written.  One day I can show my daughter and she can know I always believed.  She can see it wasn’t always easy.  She can see life has ups and downs, but it will work out.  Have faith.  That makes this worth writing.