No Coincidences

Tag: judged

  • Letter to a Sinner

    Letter to a Sinner

    I write this with as much humility as possible.  Fully knowing and understanding my weaknesses have given me perspective.  It is my faults and errors that make me feel like I can write this letter. 

    I remember when I came back to church I was asked to not take the sacrament for three weeks.  It was one of the more difficult things I had to do, although it doesn’t sound like much.  I think it was the moment I realized I had changed.  Something that in the past might not have affected me too much, really hurt.  It was difficult coming back and immediately feeling like maybe I’m not enough.  Maybe I could have gone the route of resentment.  Instead I realized how much I didn’t want to have to go through that again.

    I don’t in any way imply I’m better than someone who can’t take the sacrament and does feel resentment.  We all have our own paths.  Mine was of being completely away, coming back, and realizing I deserved my three weeks.  Some are never officially away so that state of probation seems unfair or not right.  I understand that.

    This is my letter to the sinner.  A reminder, that includes all of us.  This is the sinner who has made mistakes.  This particular sinner might come from a perfect family and part of their struggle is feeling like they don’t fit in in the one place they should feel welcome.  This sinner might feel judged by the very people that should love them the most.  It doesn’t matter if those family, friends, and caring loved ones are right or wrong.  It matters how the sinner interprets things.  We all live our own experiences and encounter the world in different ways.  We must, to the best our abilities, see the world in perfect light and perfect truth.

    Here is my letter to a hypothetical sinner:

    You will never be like the “perfect” people you see around you.  You won’t.  Your path has been set.  Your path has been set partly by different “luck,” different experiences.  Partly by your choices.  My life was set by very bad choices.  But now that I’ve come out of the other side, my joy is greater than I could have ever imagined.  You won’t be “perfect”, but you’ll be who Heavenly Father sees you can be.  You won’t be “better” than those who never made the mistakes you made, but you might be stronger.  Your path will lead you somewhere wholly different.  And if you decide you want to come through to the other side: to truly know your Savior, to know forgiveness, to know what being welcomed home feels like even if you don’t think you’ll ever deserve it – if you come to that other side with that relationship with your Savior, your testimony will be welded in steel, as hard as diamond.  You’ll have gone through the refiner’s fire and come out united with He who gives all strength.  This is no excuse to continue to sin.  You know the light.  You’ve seen and felt the light.  I knew the light and I turned from it.  I hope to help anyone not make the same mistake.

    You will make mistakes.  You will sin.  But no matter what, you have to remember Jesus Christ.  Because while the world will judge you and you’ll have to struggle with that, He will judge you with a perfect love and comprehension.  Remember that those around you are trying to judge you with love.  They’re trying to love you righteously.  Jesus Christ doesn’t try.  He is perfect love.  Don’t forget it.  Don’t forget that those around you whose points of view you can’t understand, they’re trying to be like Jesus Christ.  They may be falling short.  But that’s not for you to judge.  Just as they can’t judge you, you can’t judge their intentions or efforts.  Just love and do your best. 

    I’m sorry you have to go through trials.  But do not lose sight of Jesus Christ.  Do not.  He is the only person true peace can come from.  Whatever you do, whatever mistakes you make, do not forget HIM.  He won’t forget you.  I promise.

    At this point I must apologize.  Throughout this letter I’ve referred to you as “the sinner.”  I know that phrase hurt the whole way through.  I know it because I’ve felt it.  I did it throughout the whole letter to get to this point.  I want to remind you, “sinner” is not who you are.  It will never be who you are.  We all sin but that’s not what God and Jesus Christ see in us.  No matter how many mistakes we make.  No matter how many slip ups or downright wrong things you do, you are not a sinner.  You are a child of Heavenly Father.  You are growing.  You are learning.  I reiterate something I said earlier, this does not excuse your sin.  Sin is wrong, you know that.  Christ will see your sin.  What means much more to Him is your repentance.  He doesn’t see who you were but who you will be. 

    “God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep trying.”

    Elder Dale G. Renlund in April 2015 Conference talk “Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying”

  • Judged

    Heading into my ninth-grade year my family moved.  This resulted in me attending a new ward.  I got a zone variance so I could go to the school I would have gone to if I didn’t move.  I had developed friendships through middle school that I didn’t want to give up.  The funny thing is how quickly those friendships dissolved.  Not because of falling out or anything dramatic, just growing up and growing apart.  I played basketball and that became my friend group.

    My new ward had a few guys my age.  From day one, I don’t think I ever felt like I completely belonged.  They had been friends their whole lives and I was new.  On top of that, we had no similar interests.  For example, I played sports; they played video games, and that sort of thing.

    I’ve looked back and thought a lot about those years.  During my time in that ward I started to drift further and further away.  It got to the point that I just felt unwelcome.  Back then, being a popular basketball player at my high school was more important than anything. I looked down on this group of friends that I never belonged to.  As I got a girlfriend, I started to think I was cool.  As I started to make serious mistakes, I started to think I was better than them because I was experiencing the world and I thought I was more mature.

    Then I started to feel judged by them.  I started to feel ostracized.  I still remember meeting with my bishop at the time.  He was the father of one of those friends in the group.  He was a young, kind man.  He was easy to get along with and a good guy.  I remember telling him I wasn’t worthy to bless the sacrament.  I couldn’t help but feel that he’d told his son, who’d told his friends, and the ostracizing got worse. 

    Over time, that feeling festered.  I didn’t think about it too intensely, but I had this idea that they all knew and they all judged me for it.  In hindsight, that bishop was a great guy and there’s very little chance he ever told his son anything about my transgressions.  He may have told his son to look out for me or to help me. That could have made his son think some things.  I strongly doubt he told him anything about my mistakes.  Yet, over time, this thought became something I assumed was true.

    Now I look back on these days with a much different perspective.  Something I’ve come to realize is that I was never judged by that group of friends.  They tried to welcome me and they tried to make me a member of their group.  Any judgment I felt was my own.

    It’s been a long journey to get to this point.  To come to the realization that I was the one ostracizing myself.  I was the one judging myself.  I didn’t feel welcome because I was making myself unwelcome.  It wasn’t something I realized until I looked back. Many years later I was able to see it, after some growth and real maturing. 

    What helped me come to this realization was reading the story of Cain and Abel.  The scriptures say that Cain loved Satan more than God.  Satan tricked Cain and misled him.  That’s what happened to me those many years ago. Satan tricked and misled me.  He led me to believe these good, kind, friendly individuals didn’t like me.  I allowed my pride to make me think I was better than them.  Satan promoted that thinking.  Satan led me to be mindful of the world and I followed along.

    It was only through the grace of Jesus Christ and His atonement that I was able to come away from that part of my life with an understanding of what was actually happening.  I’m grateful that time didn’t foster even more of a feeling of animosity or negativity towards the church.  I’m glad I was always able to separate perceived wrongs and unkindness of individuals from the love of my Savior.  It’s now these years later, because of my Savior, that I’m able to see I was wrong and judging myself.  I learned to love God more than the world.  The atonement of Jesus Christ allowed me to be forgiven for those mistakes I made and also gave me the perspective to see the humble kindness I was always surrounded by.

    I hope everyone out there can separate the people of Christ’s Church, imperfect as we are, from Christ Himself.  Christ loves us so much.  He knows us.  He judges us only with love.  Members of the Church always fall short.  We’re not there yet.  As long as we keep trying, maybe we’ll one day get there.  But for now, I plead for you to remember Christ is perfect, we’re not.  Make sure you have a testimony of Him first.  Everything else will fall in line.

    If anyone has felt judged or would like to share your experience, I’d love to hear it.  Thanks for reading.