Beth just said something that gave me the heebie-jeebies, even though it’s something we already know, and unfortunately, are starting to accept.
Beth said, “You know what I just realized? Whenever we watch YouTube TV kids shows, all of the ads are super girly stuff. They totally know we have a daughter.”
They.
Remember in the good old days when we would have conversations about skiing and then ski gear would show up as an ad on our phone/computer/device? Do you remember when we transitioned from “wow that’s really weird…” to “are they listening to me?…” to “oh they’re listening good.”
That last part came after it became public knowledge that our mics and search history and everything about us was being turned into marketing and advertisement data.
This will be a short post. Re-read the end of The Social Dilemma where i discuss how to protect our families from becoming too attached to our devices. Also re-read The Social Dilemma part 2 and consider what we can do to protect ourselves and our families from advertisers. Be wary of what is happening to our children. They are growing up in a world where MY TV knows I have a girl and is targeting her before she can even walk. If that doesn’t scare you, at least a little bit, it should.
Be cautious about what we expose our kids to. Be cautious about what we post and share. Protect them.
I know in this world it’s impossible for “them” to not know I have a daughter by now. I know there’s only so much we can do. But what I can try to control is how she is influenced by their advances. I will do my best for my whole life to protect Ivy against targeted advertising and the influences of the media on her growing mind.
I dusted off this post I wrote 3 months before Ivy was born, but never shared. Seemed inspired to post it after just sharing about how much I learn from Ivy every day.
Matthew 18:1-5
1At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
As the birth of my daughter approaches, I think more about children and why we’re admonished to be like them. I’ve been thinking a lot about the divine nature of children. We are so blessed to have children in our life. We have been given the extraordinary privilege of welcoming and guiding a life into mortality. What a gift this is.
I think the divine nature of children should impact every parent. I don’t have my own child yet (3 months and counting!), but I grew up with many siblings. I know the struggle it is to always appreciate a child. Kids can be so obnoxious! I know throughout day-to-day life it can be difficult sometimes to remember how precious our children really are, how much of a gift children are to us.
I think if parents stopped and considered the responsibility of raising a life, teaching and nurturing a young mind and spirit, it should add an intense reverence to everything we say and do around kids.
I cringe when I see adults swear around young kids. It makes me uncomfortable. Kids soak up everything we say and do. A moment in the life of a busy adult that seems insignificant can be a defining moment in a child’s life. If all parents took a moment to understand that, to ponder it, and to appreciate the impact they have on their kids, I think the world would be a much better place. Parents have the ability to teach kindness and sensitivity. These are things kids pick up on.
If parents took a moment to consider the responsibility of teaching one of God’s children, that should be another sobering moment for all adults. God has given you the opportunity as a parent to cultivate and protect a spirit, His child. What greater responsibility is there in the world?
In 3 Nephi 26 verses 14 and 16 we read:
14 “And it came to pass that he (Christ) did teach and minister unto the children of the multitude… and he did loose their tongues, and they did speak unto their fathers great and marvelous things, even greater than he had revealed unto the people; and he loosed their tongues that they could utter.”
16 “…and they both saw and heard these children; yea, even babes did open their mouths and utter marvelous things; and the things which they did utter were forbidden that there should not any man write them.”
I’ve been pondering on this significant moment in scripture. Christ is in the Americas ministering to His people and their young children are present. What we’re told is something so spectacular it’s difficult to comprehend. We read that the children did speak “even greater (things) than (Jesus Christ) had revealed unto the people.”
Think about that for a moment. Here was Christ, the supreme creator, Son of God, our Lord and Savior, ministering and teaching the people. He loosed the tongues of young children and they spoke things greater than Jesus Christ Himself had revealed. Verse 16 goes on to tell us the things the babes spoke were so sacred that they were forbidden to write their words. This is similar to the prayer of Jesus Christ to the Father. These children were saying such sacred things it could not be written.
I believe something important was being shown to the ancient Nephites. Perhaps more than opening the mouths of babes, the Lord was opening the eyes and ears of their astonished parents. Those parents had been granted the extraordinary gift of a glimpse into eternity and of beholding the identity and premortal stature of their children. Would that not forever change the way the parents saw and treated their children?
I like this variation of a quote attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “The way you see [a child] is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is [who] they [will] become.” To remember a child’s true identity helps us to guide them to their divine destiny.
I hope we always remember how precious children are. Even when they’re at their peak of obnoxious-ness, let’s remember that they are gifts. They are special. Most of all, we’re supposed to be like them.
I’m excited to have a daughter soon and be able to marvel daily at the gift God has given me and how lucky I am for the blessings He continues to give me.
I don’t have a Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, how many etceteras do I need nowadays?
I’ve really tried to follow the advice I wrote about from my first post on The Social Dilemma (Netflix). For a while I turned off suggested videos in YouTube, but I found the blank pages and the difficulty in finding what I was looking for to be too much to deal with. Instead, I only go to YouTube with a purpose and try as best as I can to watch only the video I go there to watch. As of this writing the suggested videos in my YouTube has ballooned to 273 (273 videos!) since I’ve stopped looking at suggested videos. That’s a little red 273 on my phone home screen. That’s 273 times YouTube has said, “this video is just right for you.” That is countless hours (or hours I don’t want to count) of video footage YouTube has suggested to me. Yikes. I’m going to continue to avoid those videos and see how ludicrous that 273 number can become.
I’ve also tried not to use Google which I’ve found to be way harder than I anticipated. There’s a reason Google has the best search results, and that reason is they don’t care about your privacy. With my job in IT support, I’ve found it impossible to use other search engines. I still have the Qwant extension installed in my Google Chrome but find myself searching through Google anyway.
Like YouTube, I avoid Facebook as much as I can. As I write this, checking my battery usage, Facebook is still 11% of my total battery used. When I do get on Facebook, the worst thing that can happen is I watch a video. It’s the same reason I avoid YouTube as much as possible. Facebook I find to be much worse than YouTube, at least for me. Let me explain what happens when I get on Facebook and if I watch a video:
I stumble upon a video title that I can’t avoid watching. Something like, “The reason Donovan Mitchell will never win a championship for Utah.”
Now I’m stuck.
That video ends and is followed by, “I gave $1,000,000 to a stranger on the street!”
I’m losing my free will.
Next video, “I bought 10,000 black widows and put them in my mom’s bathroom!”
I’ll emerge from a sequence of videos like the above hours later and think to myself, “what just happened?”
The above is only a slight exaggeration.
The disconcerting, uncomfortable, and completely frightening truth is – once I watch that first, then second, then third video that has clearly been sent because they know it catches my attention – it’s really difficult for me to get away. I’ll feel it happening. Like, I’ll be on minute 6 of a 9-minute video and think, “after this one I’m done.” Then as minute 8 starts to end I get this feeling, this urge. Like – I have to watch another one. I’ll feel this urge. I’ll fight it. And somehow, I end up watching another video. I may sound dramatic, but it’s truly terrifying.
Am I the only one?
Beth and I have gotten into a routine with Ivy’s sleeping where I’m usually up briefly with Ivy around 11pm and Beth is up with her briefly around 4am.
Every once in a while (not often), I wake in the morning to a 4:15am text from Beth with some video or article. I realize that, in a stupor, she was drawn to her phone. This likely happened while she was lying in bed watching the baby monitor, waiting to see if Ivy would fall back asleep so she could go to sleep.
Recently Beth took a picture of Ivy and I together on the couch. I watched Beth open Facebook to share the picture. I watched Beth somehow end up finding herself watching some video. 10 minutes later, talking to herself, Beth said something like, “what was I doing?…”
I told her she likely looked at her phone to post a picture.
“Oh yeah…” was her reply.
I’m not the only one.
Beth and I aren’t the only ones.
Back to the first sentence I wrote for this post. I am AFRAID for the youth today. How do they survive in a world where advertisers know what they want to see, then put it directly into their hand over.. and over…and over…..and over……
Something needs to be done for our youth, but I’m not sure what. It’s too easy for them to be completely enveloped in this digital world. We are frighteningly close to a Black Mirror-esc existence where kids only exist in their phones. Maybe the only way we can help our youth is leading by example.
I try to only be on my phone to read the scriptures. I’m not even great at responding to messages, as some of you know. I read physical books. I’m aware of Facebook’s and other social media companies’ pull on my attention, and I try to fight it. I think it’s important we teach our kids the same thing.
This must be the way we can help kids today. Lead by example. Read books. Show that the phone can be set aside. Go on day trips where the phone is not allowed to come. Set a requirement where there are no phones after dinner. I don’t know, anything! Something needs to be done and this is the first place to start.
Otherwise the below picture is every family’s future. And that is a sad future.
*Credit to photographer Eric Pickersgill who took these pictures depicting people with their mobile phones and devices removed from the photo.
No Coincidences 