No Coincidences

Tag: light

  • RIP Coach

    RIP Coach

    I often think about the people God put around me in my life.  I’m obviously not the center of the universe, but sometimes, when I think about all those who have looked out for me throughout my life, it’s hard not to feel like that.

    There’s an individual in my life who played a critical role at two of the most important junctures in my life.  He was a dear friend, coach, mentor. 

    What’s so funny is, Coach Gonzalez never actually coached me.  Jessie Gonzalez was the athletic director at my high school.  Coach Gonzalez got close with most of the teams he looked over as athletic director.  The basketball program was no exception.

    My senior year at Cimarron we went to a tournament in Hawaii.  Coach Gonzalez came on that trip to “watch” us, or chaperone, I guess.  On that trip, Coach Gonzalez went from Coach Gonzalez to Gonzo, or just Coach.

    Gonzo looked out for me throughout high school.  Many don’t know this now, but I needed a lot of looking out for at that time. 

    I had bonded with Gonzo a bit on the Hawaii trip, but he wasn’t someone I would have considered a close friend or confidant.  That is until I really, really needed someone to talk to.  Then he was there, at the most difficult time of my life.  Somehow, for reasons I won’t understand until I see the bigger picture, Gonzo was the phone call I made.  He helped me through some very difficult things. I look forward to speaking to God, and Him showing me how critical that moment was.  I look forward to seeing why Gonzo was there at that precise moment, and why God made sure I reached out to him.

    We stayed in loose contact as I left high school.

    Gonzo had a few of us he took under his wing and looked out for.  I felt truly blessed to be “one of his boys.”

    After high school, this fascinating thing happened where the roles Gonzo played in my life morphed.  He went from 100% mentor to 50% mentor and 50% friend.  Gonzo was only 11 years older than me.  Not that many years, in the grand scheme. 

    In 2015 I went to a birthday party in Houston.  It was a relative of Gonzo’s and made no sense for me to be there.  It was really just an excuse to go to Houston and see Gonzo, who had moved to Michigan, and I hadn’t seen since high school.  That trip is so memorable.  I’m not going to elaborate any further.  During that trip Gonzo stayed a 50% mentor but also became one of my closest friends, a lifelong friend.

    The second, extremely critical cross roads in my life-  I was trying to return to church.  Who did I turn to?  Who talked me through a year plus of difficulty, repentance, trials, temptations, questions, doubts, uncertainties?  Countless hours were spent on the phone with him.  He was going to see me through.

    Gonzo isn’t a member of my church.  He’s a member of a grander organization.  He’s a brother and an angel that was here to look over me and guide me.  I’m not sure I’d be an active member of my church today without his guidance. That was the power of Coach.  He didn’t need to be a member of my church to help me with something so important.  He only needed to listen, love me, help me.

    Another moment I’ll never forget, I was only a couple months into trying to return into activity in the Church.  Satan was hard at work in those first months.  I could go on and on about what he put before me during those months.

    One of those temptations was a staycation at my favorite place at the time, Talking Sticks Resort.  I was still playing poker.  During this weekend that TSR gave me a free suite to stay in, there was a huge summer pool party.  My room overlooked the pool, of course.

    Imagine me for a moment.  Just a couple months into not drinking.  Here I am at Talking Stick Resort, in a super nice room, overlooking a pool filled with beautiful people and all my temptations.  I was literally in the great and spacious building.  I had alcohol in the fridge.  For those who don’t know this feeling, I can’t describe the pull.  I don’t have words to describe the need to drink alcohol, go to the pool, let myself fully embrace this staycation.

    I had worked so hard.  I was going to church and making good choices.  Surely, I could give myself this one weekend, right?

    I was going to drink and join this party.  There was really no doubt.  As much as I told myself I wouldn’t, I was going to. 

    I can’t remember if I called him.  There’s a chance he called me.  I talked to Coach Gonzo.  In true Jessie fashion, he didn’t tell me not to drink.  He talked me through it.  He told me it was a choice I had to make.  He reminded me how hard I’d worked to return to church and stop drinking.

    Then, almost nonchalantly, as if an afterthought, Coach said the most critical thing.  He said, “You can drink and get wild and crazy, but man, after not drinking for as long as you’ve gone, tomorrow is going to suck.  That hangover is going to be bad.  Hangover aside, how are you going to feel about yourself in the morning?”

    That was all I needed to hear.

    For those wondering, I did join the pool party.  I hung out, walked around.  I didn’t embrace the party.  I owe Jessie, Coach, Gonzo for that.  I may owe him my now 5 years of sobriety.

    Jessie Gonzalez left this stage of his coaching journey 6/8/21.  He had some new people to coach and mentor, and he couldn’t do that here.  I will miss him dearly.  I already wonder who I will turn to when I need to be guided through the next trial.  Part of me thinks he could move on because he already got me to the point where I can take care of myself.  Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need him anymore. The greater and more comforting truth is that you always need a mentor and friend like Gonzo, and he’s still there for me, more than ever now.

    He was light.  And he was joy.  Nobody brought together a room like him. 

    He protected me from harm while here, both physically and spiritually.

    I thought of something interesting last night.  It hit me that Gonzo likely, just recently, had his life review.  It brought me so much joy to think of him getting to see all the good he had done.  I considered him getting to see every moment he impacted me and how big a role he played in my life.  I thought about the net of goodness and light he spread while he was here.

    It brought a smile to my face to know that he got to see his Savior.  He was embraced, and loved, and free from the difficulties of this world.

    He can coach in purity now, for, a purer heart there never was. 

    I miss him a lot now. Though I can’t hear his voice or see his face, he’ll continue to be with me, coaching from above. I look forward to the reunion.

    I love you Jessie, Coach, Gonzo, and I thank you for all you did for me.

  • Korean Children’s Choir

    Korean Children’s Choir

    When I was watching General Conference and the Korean children’s choir started singing “I Love to see the Temple” in a language I did not understand, something amazing hit me. 

    I don’t know why this thought was spurred by this song from these children.

    That feeling was this-

    I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. 

    How blessed I am to not only be on this earth at a time when His church exists, but to be a member of that Church.  Jesus Christ’s Church.  His Church! 

    As I listened to words I didn’t understand but music I could never misplace, and as the spirit filled me and tears filled my eyes, I realized something.

    If I lived during a time when the Church of Jesus Christ did not exist on the earth, I would have forever lived my mortal existence with a hole in my spirit and my experience.  It occurred to me that if I lived in any other dispensation, I would have felt a distinct emptiness within me.  Maybe this realization happened at that moment because at that particular moment, I was so filled to the brim with a spiritual feeling that I’ve come to rely upon so heavily.

    What a challenge it would have been to live in a world without the Gospel of Jesus Christ in its fullness.

    We live in a difficult and challenging world.  But amidst that challenge I am a 30-minute drive from 3 different temples. 

    How blessed I am.

    I am so grateful to live today, with the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ fully present, and His Church in full force.

    What would I have done without it?

    Maybe God knew I could not endure that emptiness.  Maybe that’s why I’m here at this moment.

    For whatever reason I am here now, today, I am grateful for it.  Grateful beyond measure. 

  • Prodigal Son

    Prodigal Son

    The story of the Prodigal Son is well known.  For those who have not read it before or haven’t read it recently it can be found in Luke 15:11-32.

    The story of the Prodigal Son has always hit close to home for me.  Obviously, it’s easy for me to relate to the younger son.  You should read Luke chapter 15 above but a quick summary: there were two sons.  They will be referred to as the elder/older son and the younger son as I write.  The two sons were given their inheritances.  The younger son left his home and went to a faraway city.  There he squandered his inheritance on “riotous living.”  When he hit the lowest of lows, the younger son returned home to beg his father to allow him to be a servant.  The father, instead of showing anger, welcomed his son home, killed the fatted calf, put a robe on his son, gave him a ring, put shoes on his feet, and threw a huge party in celebration of his return.

    The older son, upon hearing of his brother’s return and the subsequent party, was angry.

    This story is often told in such a way that the primary lesson is about the Prodigal Son and his father’s reaction to his return. The story is called “the prodigal son” after all.  That lesson being that no matter how we stray, how far gone are, and how many mistakes we make our Heavenly Father (the father in the story) will always welcome us back.  In fact, Heavenly Father rejoices at our repentance:

    “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.”

    Luke 15:7

    All Prodigal Sons like myself rejoice at this story.

    I once heard a different perspective on this story, and I’d like to share it.  There is a great lesson to be learned in the story of the Prodigal Son by looking at a secondary character: the older brother.

    A great question to ask yourself before reading any of Christ’s parables is “who was He speaking to?”  Another good question is “What was He trying to teach?”  If you look at the parable from the perspective of the Prodigal Son, you can say Christ was teaching those who have sinned that they can always repent and return to the light of their Heavenly Father’s love.

    Who was Christ speaking to when he gave this parable? He was speaking to those looking for the message of God.   He was speaking to the listeners.  These were the ones looking for the message of God.  When giving this parable Christ was speaking to the saints.

    Consider what can be learned from the older brother.  The older brother never left.  The older brother never sinned.  The older brother respected and worked for his father.  Many say, and I always thought, he was justified in his reaction.  His exact words in verses 29 and 30:

    “And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid (fatted calf), that I might make merry with my friends:

    But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.”

    This appears to be a natural reaction.  He had always been there.  He had always done right.  Only for his corrupt brother to return and receive honor.

    Why did the older son stay and work hard for his father?  Why did he keep his commandments?  Was he simply looking forward to the inheritance he was to receive?

    A Crucial Lesson from the Brother of the Prodigal Son « Meridian Magazine

    Why do you serve God and keep his commandments?  Are you looking forward to your mansion?  Do you serve God so you can inherit His glory?  Are you serving Him for YOUR benefit?

    We should serve God because we love God.  We should serve God because we love those around us.  Our service to God shouldn’t be for the blessings and honors He can give us.  Our hearts should serve for love and not for our inheritances.

    Jesus didn’t tell this story only to get sinners to repent.  He also told this story to get the saints to repent.  The Prodigal Son went out to experience life and disregarded his father’s possessions.  The older son on the other hand stuck around, but he was working to please his father.  He looked at himself as moral and worthy.  He was after his father’s possessions.  That’s what he concerned himself with.  The elder son was keeping score.  He was trying to earn his father’s love and inheritance.

    Sometimes we are like the Prodigal Son: sinning and needing to return home.  Sometimes we are like the older brother: serving for the glory of the world. 

    Often we are like the older son in our envy and jealousy.  When someone returns to the fold do we judge them for their past?  Or, like the father in the parable and our Heavenly Father, do we rejoice at someone’s return?

    Elder Holland in his talk, The Other Prodigal, said:

    “I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another.  I testify that He loves each of us-insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all.  He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our profession or our possessions.  He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other.  I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone, “robes…made…white in the blood of the Lamb.”  May we encourage each other in our effort to win that prize is my earnest prayer.”

    Let us not compare our blessings to the blessings of others, what we have to the possessions of others.  Let us support and help each other to all return to our Heavenly Father.  Jealousy is of Satan.  We should never look down on somebody who made mistakes and is trying to return to God, because then we are the sinner.  We can learn from every character in Christ’s great parable.  Be like the Prodigal Son and repent, humble ourselves, and return home.  Be like the elder son and don’t envy but welcome our wayward brothers and sisters back home with joy and love.  And be like the father, loving all those around us, embracing the sinner and the saint alike.  I believe this is God’s hope for us and what Christ was teaching us through this story.

    __________________________

    Here is a link to Jeffery R. Holland’s talk, The Other Prodigal:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2002/04/the-other-prodigal?lang=eng

  • Letter to a Sinner

    Letter to a Sinner

    I write this with as much humility as possible.  Fully knowing and understanding my weaknesses have given me perspective.  It is my faults and errors that make me feel like I can write this letter. 

    I remember when I came back to church I was asked to not take the sacrament for three weeks.  It was one of the more difficult things I had to do, although it doesn’t sound like much.  I think it was the moment I realized I had changed.  Something that in the past might not have affected me too much, really hurt.  It was difficult coming back and immediately feeling like maybe I’m not enough.  Maybe I could have gone the route of resentment.  Instead I realized how much I didn’t want to have to go through that again.

    I don’t in any way imply I’m better than someone who can’t take the sacrament and does feel resentment.  We all have our own paths.  Mine was of being completely away, coming back, and realizing I deserved my three weeks.  Some are never officially away so that state of probation seems unfair or not right.  I understand that.

    This is my letter to the sinner.  A reminder, that includes all of us.  This is the sinner who has made mistakes.  This particular sinner might come from a perfect family and part of their struggle is feeling like they don’t fit in in the one place they should feel welcome.  This sinner might feel judged by the very people that should love them the most.  It doesn’t matter if those family, friends, and caring loved ones are right or wrong.  It matters how the sinner interprets things.  We all live our own experiences and encounter the world in different ways.  We must, to the best our abilities, see the world in perfect light and perfect truth.

    Here is my letter to a hypothetical sinner:

    You will never be like the “perfect” people you see around you.  You won’t.  Your path has been set.  Your path has been set partly by different “luck,” different experiences.  Partly by your choices.  My life was set by very bad choices.  But now that I’ve come out of the other side, my joy is greater than I could have ever imagined.  You won’t be “perfect”, but you’ll be who Heavenly Father sees you can be.  You won’t be “better” than those who never made the mistakes you made, but you might be stronger.  Your path will lead you somewhere wholly different.  And if you decide you want to come through to the other side: to truly know your Savior, to know forgiveness, to know what being welcomed home feels like even if you don’t think you’ll ever deserve it – if you come to that other side with that relationship with your Savior, your testimony will be welded in steel, as hard as diamond.  You’ll have gone through the refiner’s fire and come out united with He who gives all strength.  This is no excuse to continue to sin.  You know the light.  You’ve seen and felt the light.  I knew the light and I turned from it.  I hope to help anyone not make the same mistake.

    You will make mistakes.  You will sin.  But no matter what, you have to remember Jesus Christ.  Because while the world will judge you and you’ll have to struggle with that, He will judge you with a perfect love and comprehension.  Remember that those around you are trying to judge you with love.  They’re trying to love you righteously.  Jesus Christ doesn’t try.  He is perfect love.  Don’t forget it.  Don’t forget that those around you whose points of view you can’t understand, they’re trying to be like Jesus Christ.  They may be falling short.  But that’s not for you to judge.  Just as they can’t judge you, you can’t judge their intentions or efforts.  Just love and do your best. 

    I’m sorry you have to go through trials.  But do not lose sight of Jesus Christ.  Do not.  He is the only person true peace can come from.  Whatever you do, whatever mistakes you make, do not forget HIM.  He won’t forget you.  I promise.

    At this point I must apologize.  Throughout this letter I’ve referred to you as “the sinner.”  I know that phrase hurt the whole way through.  I know it because I’ve felt it.  I did it throughout the whole letter to get to this point.  I want to remind you, “sinner” is not who you are.  It will never be who you are.  We all sin but that’s not what God and Jesus Christ see in us.  No matter how many mistakes we make.  No matter how many slip ups or downright wrong things you do, you are not a sinner.  You are a child of Heavenly Father.  You are growing.  You are learning.  I reiterate something I said earlier, this does not excuse your sin.  Sin is wrong, you know that.  Christ will see your sin.  What means much more to Him is your repentance.  He doesn’t see who you were but who you will be. 

    “God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep trying.”

    Elder Dale G. Renlund in April 2015 Conference talk “Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying”
  • One True Church

    One True Church

    I initially tried to write this post with the hope of using scripture and doctrine and principles to convince anyone who would read that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God’s true church, restored from the meridian of time on the same principles that Christ established while He was here.  I have agonized over this post.  Eventually I realized something obvious.  No one is going to read this and dive into the deep scriptural and doctrinal references that add to the truth claims of this church.  Plenty has been written on the truth claims of this church.  All of it by much more learned and accomplished religious scholars than I.  For the best intellectual break down of every truth claim of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, A Marvelous Work and a Wonder is the book to read. 

    What I can do is reference some scriptures, but ultimately give my testimony of this Church and Christ’s gospel.  This will be my best attempt to explain why it’s important to have one faith, one body, one church (Ephesians 4:5).

    Into some scripture from the Book of Mormon:

    “Thou hast beheld that if the Gentiles repent it shall be well with them; and thou also knowest concerning the covenants of the Lord unto the house of Israel; and thou also hast heard that whoso repenteth not must perish.”

    1 Nephi 14:5

    In a recent post He Lives I talked about why any church is important.  Why covenants?  Why repenting?  Because it turns us to Jesus Christ.

    “And he said unto me: Behold there are save two churches only; the one is the church of the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil; wherefore, whoso belongeth not to the church of the Lamb of God belongeth to that great church, which is the mother of abominations; and she is the whore of all the earth.”

    1 Nephi 14:10

    It’s important to note that this scripture doesn’t mean if you don’t belong to the Church of Jesus Christ you belong to the Church of the Devil.  But.  An important point is made.  There is a church of the Lamb of God.  There is a church that if Christ were here today, He would be the head of.  There is a church that Christ is the head of spiritually.  It must be.  God and Jesus Christ have not left us.  What this scripture is saying is you either must follow the devil or follow Christ and there will be a church on the earth with proper keys and authority to help you in following Jesus Christ.

    “There is only light and darkness; there is no dusky twilight zone [in regard to covenant salvation].  Either men walk in the light or they cannot be saved.  Anything less than salvation is not salvation.  It may be better to walk in the twilight or to glimpse the first few rays of a distant dawn than to be enveloped in total darkness, but salvation itself is only for those who step forth into the blazing light of the noonday sun.”

    Bruce R. McConkie

    The beauty of the doctrine taught by Joseph Smith (given him from Jesus Christ) is that everyone will have a chance to hear the gospel.  Every one will have their chance to choose to walk in the light.  Agency is a core truth in God’s Plan.  Without agency it would all be for not.  What would our faith and devotion mean if it was by coercion?  There is an idea perpetuated by other faiths and churches that if you aren’t baptized you are doomed to hell or if you don’t believe a certain way, you’re destined for eternal suffering. This is not how God works.  It can’t be.  Where is the grace, love, and compassion in that plan?  Many faiths that emphasize the grace of Christ also claim hell as the destination for those who have never heard of Him.  All will have their chance to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior.  We are all the more blessed if we accept Him while here on earth when we are walking completely by faith. The covenants we make here draw us closer to Him  These are truthful doctrines taught by Joseph Smith that should speak to all hearts that believe in a God who is our loving Father.

    “Many in the religious world claim that no church is better than any other, just different.  As “all roads lead to Rome,” it is reasoned that all beliefs must lead to heaven.  If all religious paths do indeed lead to heaven, the righteous will be at a considerable disadvantage.  If the gates of the celestial city are to be thrown open that widely, why the need for Apostles and prophets, their doctrines, their priesthood and keys; indeed, why the need for the Savior himself and a strait and narrow way?  The doctrine of one true church is as offensive to much of the Christian world today as was the testimony of Christ anciently that he was “the way, the truth, and the life”” (John 14:6).

    Joseph McConkie and Robert Millet

    Part of my agonizing over this post was the fear of offending all my friends of other faiths. I would never want to disparage other churches and especially any church that leads to God and faith in Jesus Christ. That said, I will not apologize for claiming Christ has ONE church.

    “There is only one true way to eternal life and that is by obedience to valid covenants.  That is what the Book of Mormon testifies.  When one comes to an understanding of the Lord’s covenant process of salvation, what great things the Lord did with our fathers in bringing them to a knowledge of this covenant process, and that this message is being sent forth to all the world, then one can not help but become convinced that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations.”

    Alan C. Miner

    I can’t agree with Brother Miner’s words more because that is what I have experienced.  My baptism, the priesthood, my temple covenants draw me to Jesus Christ in a way that would not be possible otherwise.  I know others can come to Christ and be devoted to Him without these covenants. What shall be bound on earth shall be sealed in heaven. We aren’t here for worldy things but for eternal. I am grateful for my covenants. They draw me closer to my Heavenly Father, my Savior, and eternity.

    “For the time speedily shall come that all churches which are built up to get gain, and all those who are built up to get power over the flesh, and those who are built up to become popular in the eyes of the world, and those who seek the lusts of the flesh and the things of the world, and to do all manner of iniquity; yea, in fine, all those who belong to the kingdom of the devil are they who need fear, and tremble, and quake; they are those who must be brought low in the dust; they are those who must be consumed as stubble; and this is according to the words of the prophet.”

    1 Nephi 22:23

    I will not talk down on other churches. But does that scripture strike a chord with anyone else? Sound familiar. These are the churches of our day. They draw near to God with their lips but deny the power thereof (Joseph Smith History 1:19, 2 Timothy 3:5).

    This will continue to be a theme of my writing.  My greatest desire is for others to experience the love of Jesus Christ as I have felt it.  This comes through covenants.  This comes from knowing who we follow.  This comes from knowing what He has done for us. 

    I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church on the earth today.  There are many churches that do much good.  But there is one way.  Covenants are only binding if they are initiated by God.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the establishment by which Christ initiates his covenants with man.  This is my testimony.  In His name.