No Coincidences

Tag: meditate

  • What to do with all the Love

    What to do with all the Love

    I was meditating and thanking God for all He has given me in this life.  It was the day after Thanksgiving.  I had just watched Ivy with so much love around her, as detailed in Love has Afforded Me Much.  Ivy was surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, second cousins, great uncles, great aunts and the list goes on.  She was receiving so much love.

    That visual again brought me to realizing and remembering that was me 30 years ago.  I was the one having love poured out on me.  It brought me to a repeated thought: what did I do to deserve this?

    What did I do to deserve the family I was born into?  Now, how lucky I am to be one half of the uniting of two families – the Quackenbushes and the Cannons.  How blessed will Ivy be from a life of love from those two extended families she’s been born into? 

    How blessed have I been from being born into the Leaches and the Quackenbushes? An un-quantifiable amount of blessed.

    Where does that blessing come from?  Where does it stem from?  What was the catalyst of this blessed, love-filled life I’ve been given?  The catalyst, the starting point, is the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Three of my four grandparents converted to the church.  My fourth grandparent came from a faithful family back to the days of Joseph Smith.  I am forever grateful for my grandparents and the generations of love and family they’ve created.

    A similar story can be said from Beth’s side of the family, the Cannons and Vauterlauses.

    The thought that occurred to me while meditating, to add to how Love has Afforded me Much, was this: I started to pray to God to please bless all those who didn’t have all the love Ivy had on Thanksgiving Day.  All those who don’t have great family dynamics, who feel lonely, who feel lost, who feel afraid; I asked God to let them feel His love.  I asked Him to spare no angels in pouring out blessings on those who don’t feel loved in this world.

    Then it occurred to me.  Love has Afforded me Much.  God has given me a surplus of love.  A love I can’t quantify.  It’s my responsibility to share that excess of love I’ve been blessed with, with God’s children, my brothers and sisters across the globe.  I pray that I can share the love that’s been given to me with those around me.

    I believe the greatest thing I can do to share that love, the greatest thing any one of us can do that have been given (Luke 12:48) so (D&C 82:3) much (Boyd K. Packer), is to share the source of that love.  The source of that love is Jesus Christ, His Gospel, His Church.  It is our responsibility to share with others what has blessed us so.

    Love is important.  Supporting someone, listening to someone, loving someone, these are all noble.  But what of generational love?  What of the love that permeates through families – of children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren?  That’s what my grandparents created.  That love started with missionaries sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with three of my grandparents, and with the gospel being shared to one of my Great Great Grandparents by Joseph Smith.

    I am grateful for this Church.  I am grateful for the blessing it has been to me and my family.  I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me this greatest of all blessings.  I feel a noble responsibility, a beautiful weight to share it with others.  My wish is that the world can accept Jesus Christ and experience the love he has to share. 

    I love Jesus Christ, and I am forever grateful to Him. 

  • Ivy’s First 48 Hours

    Ivy’s First 48 Hours

    The first 48 hours, it turns out, is not just a homicide drama on television or the most important time after a homicide, it’s also an important time after the birth of a newborn.

    The first 24 hours in the hospital went amazing.  There’s no better word than amazing.  Ivy slept the whole time.  Beth would have to wake her to eat.  She would eat and immediately go back to sleep.  We were warned of the calm before the storm.

    Nurses would come in and do this test or that.  She cried once when I was holding her for like 5 seconds.  She didn’t cry at all during her first bath.  She looked like she was enjoying a spa day.

    When another nurse pricked her foot for blood I asked if babies usually cried during that.  She said, “well, I gave her sugar water.”  I don’t know what that means but maybe we should be keeping sugar water on hand.  What I do know is there was no crying while at the hospital after her initial couple hours coming into the world.

    We brought her home around 4:30pm 12/5/20.  Becky (mother-in-law) and Jane (new aunt) were at the condo.  Apparently Bengie was disturbed by how we left the previous morning.  He had been acting strange while we were away and licked us even crazier than usual when we got home.  He didn’t seem to notice the new addition.  Yet.

    Becky made dinner.  Jane held Ivy.  Keith (father-in law) came over after his shift at the hospital.  Everyone expressed joy at a newborn.

    The first night was interesting.  While I think she was still pretty well behaved, it’s crazy how small interruptions to sleep can be completely disorienting. 

    We went to sleep around midnight.  Mistake number one.  I’ve been told this by many people, but I think I’ll have to learn firsthand.  Really – take sleep whenever it’s available.  Ivy and I were watching ASU football until 11:30pm.  Beth fed her and put her down to sleep around that time.

    At 2:00am Ivy started crying.  I’ll do my best to replay the events of the night, but Beth and I had great difficulty piecing events together in the morning. 

    I believe Beth tried to feed her, but she wasn’t really eating.  Cluster-feeding?  I don’t know. 

    *Beth update when reading this – she did feed her before I woke up at 2:00am, we think?

    Things that happened, order unknown:

    Beth made a bottle. Beth passed a blood clot. She was upset and scared and talked to her mom. Determined it was ok unless other symptoms/things happened. Beth was upset and having a hard time. I swapped spots with her and laid by Ivy’s bed, which for the first couple months (I think?) will be lying next to our bed. I fed Ivy half of the bottle Beth prepared.

    Ivy was somewhat fussy and always on the verge of crying.  Between 2am and 4am I realized she had a very messy diaper.  Explained the fussy.  I changed Ivy in the other room and laid her back down in her bed.  She was much better.  I’m not sure if Beth was completely sleeping during this time.  I think she was kind of in and out of it.  She was exhausted. 

    I laid with my hand on Ivy or helping to keep her pacifier in which seemed to settle her down.  I think I slept around 4am.  Again, not sure how things transpired, but at some point I woke up because Ivy was fussing.  Looked like she was hungry.  I talked to Beth around 5am (maybe?) about Ivy being hungry.  I think at some point Beth turned the hot air on in the room.  It had gotten cold in the room.  I could have sworn I passed Ivy to Beth around 5am to feed but in the morning neither of us could recall if that actually happened.  Funny, but being serious. 

    At some point I was really hot, and Ivy was fine.  She was sleeping like a, you guessed it, baby.  Really, she was sleeping well.  Interesting we use that phrase to indicate deep sleep when in reality sleeping like a baby is more like up every 90 minutes wanting some attention.  The living room was cooler, so I curled up on the couch and slept there.  Again, at some point (8am?) I woke up to the loud carbon monoxide alarm.  It beeped loud, 3 times.  I saw Beth coming from the kitchen.  I couldn’t fathom why she would make 3 loud beeps happen.  She seemed in a haze.  She ignored the loud beeping.  That confused me more.  I learned Bengie was sleeping on my legs.  His number one fear is loud beeps.  He jumped and ran to the bedroom, under the bed, tried to jump on the bed but Ivy’s bassinette was in the way.  He ran back and jumped on me.  He repeated this 3 times.  I held and pet him and he was shaking like crazy.  When I stopped petting, he ran to the bedroom, found his way onto the bed, and burrowed into the blankets.

    The new addition was proving to be a major interruption to his routine, peace, and quiet.

    **Beth addition number two – “you must have been in a haze too, when the beep went off, I yelled ‘oh –.’” (followed by a bad word).

    I am not denying any sort of hazy phase.  I was a cloud of confusion.

    I guess the morning had started.

    Ivy was peaceful as could be, as far as I could tell.  She’s been an angel ever since.  While writing this she was curled up on my legs/lap in front of me.  Already learning to multi-task. Her pacifier just fell out.  She likes her pacifier. 

    I still got to meditate that first day.  That was big.

    Becky came by and made some food.  I decided to fast in gratitude to Heavenly Father for all this.

    Beth proofread this and told me to insert “I was a Rockstar” talking about myself.  That’s a bit much.  Beth’s done all the hard work and is completely exhausted.  I’ve gotten to sleep next to Ivy and take care of the most important person in the world.  And she’s so cute.  And when I sleep, I get to put my hand on her and be with her. 

    Good deal.  I’ll take it.

    Ivy may be the “Coo Monster.”  She’s constantly coo-ing.  It’s heart-melting.  The cutest little hums and noises.  I love her very much.  It’s amazing how much I like caring for her.  It’s crazy how exhausted I can be already and yet how happy.

    Ivy went on a short walk in her stroller today.

    She loves her swing.

    She loves if I gently tickle her head or face with my fingers.  Her eyes will instantly flutter closed.

    Bengie and Ivy

    I love her.

  • Sunday Meditation and Basketball

    Sunday Meditation and Basketball

    In November of 2019 I started meditating every morning.  I’m not doing anything real impressive.  I spend the first 10 minutes of every day laying on my back on the ground.  I started by listening to guided meditations on YouTube.  Now I have the Calm App on my phone which I highly recommend.  I rotate between guided meditations and simply laying with my eyes closed, in prayer and thought.  Early on I found meditation to be extremely beneficial.  My days would start off right.  I would be calmer and more patient with any challenge that arose throughout the day.  I know this is hard to gauge and measure.  Maybe I wasn’t calmer or more patient, but I felt more calm and patient.  That has to be almost as good.

    When I started meditating, I immediately noticed answers to prayers.  Those 10 minutes have become the most important 10 minutes of my day.  I look forward to that time to spend with my own thoughts and with God.  It’s an opportunity to slow down and think about what I want to accomplish; in life and for that day.  It’s time to stop and consider all that I have to be grateful for.

    I think I’ve written about his before, but when I was coming back to church, initially a big help was basketball on weekend mornings.  For years my weekends were spent out late.  When I was trying to stop drinking and stop going out as much, Saturday morning (7am) basketball became critical.  It was something I could look forward to.  It motivated me to stay in on a Friday night so I could get up early and play.  I also played Sunday mornings.  They were my two favorite days every week.

    Weekend Warrior

    Sunday morning basketball never conflicted with church.  I was in the Young Single Adult Ward which didn’t meet until 1pm.  I could easily play 7am-10am and have a few hours to shower, relax, read, study, and pray before church began.

    One Sunday morning I got up to play like I always did.  I was walking around my room getting dressed.  It was time to walk out the door to leave so I bent over to pick up my gym bag.  As I started to stand up the craziest thing happened.  My back completely gave out.  Luckily, I was near my bed (which still resided on box springs on the floor, like I liked it) so I literally fell sideways onto my bed.  I was in excruciating pain.  I called my mom and she said to take some ibuprofen, the basic mom guidance stuff.  I still had it in my mind that I could go play.  I was 26 years old, surely, I didn’t actually throw my back out…right?  I quickly realized, I did.

    Me that weekend

    As I laid in my bed, I wondered what to do.  I loved reading my scriptures, especially Sunday mornings after basketball and before church.  So, I pulled out my scriptures and continued to read where I’d left off in the book of Alma.

    I remember reading the story of the sons of Mosiah that morning in Alma 17-27.  I remember being struck by one thing: the sons of Mosiah were offered the kingdom.  They were each individually asked to be the king of their people.  They were asked to rule, to have power, to have the comforts and honors of the world given to them for the rest of their life.  Instead, they chose to forsake worldly possessions and go on a mission to the Lamanites.  One by one they chose to reject kingship and go to a land of people that were open about their desire to kill any Nephite that came into their presence, let alone a Nephite set to inherit the Nephite kingdom.

    What inspired Ammon and his brothers, the sons of Mosiah to forsake the kingdom and instead choose to preach the gospel?  They saw an angel.  I can’t describe exactly what happened to me that day, studying in my bed.  Something happened.  I was so filled with the spirit.  I felt like I was floating.  It was the most uplifting and edifying scripture study I’d ever had.  I grew so much that morning.  I haven’t played basketball on a Sunday since.  That morning, along with learning so much about the sons of Mosiah and who I wanted to be, I also learned the value of keeping the Sabbath day holy.

    I don’t think basketball was the worst thing to do on a Sunday morning, far from it.  I think those first few months of Sunday morning basketball had a huge impact on me and helped me stay away from activities it was important for me to stay away from at that time.  That morning though, I came to a crossroad.  The temptations of prior months had lessened.  I was immersing myself in the scriptures and praying daily.  That morning I learned how much I could gain on Sunday mornings. 

    I haven’t played basketball on a Sunday since that morning I threw my back out.  Instead, every Sunday morning I try to pray, read, and study.  My study isn’t as good as it has been in the past, I can always improve.  But, staying in on Sunday, preparing for church, praying, pondering my blessings, being with my wife, has become my favorite part of every week.

    In November 2019 I started meditating every morning.  I meditate 7 days a week.  There’s a strange phenomenon I’ve experienced during this time.  I meditate every single day.  But, on Sundays, something is different.  I don’t meditate with the hopes of becoming emotional.  I enjoy it when it happens.  I enjoy feeling the spirit so strongly that, as I lay on the ground in gratitude to my Heavenly Father, tears sometimes come to my eyes.  It happens every so often.  What I’ve noticed is it happens mostly on Sundays.

    Without fail, as I lay and meditate on Sundays, I will be moved by the grace of Jesus Christ and the love of my Heavenly Father.  I will contemplate the Atonement of my Savior.  I’ll consider the suffering He went through for me.  I’ll think about where I’ve been and where I am now.  I’ll wonder how God can love us so much.

    Grace of Christ

    I bear testimony that Sunday is a special day.  It’s not special because it’s specifically Sunday.  That’s the day we, our society, have set aside as a day to worship.  It could be Monday or Friday, doesn’t matter.  What matters is it’s a day for the Lord.  It’s important because it’s a day set aside for God.  He has given us all our days, our lives, what is one day a week in return?  I know that the Sabbath day is a special day.  I know it holds power.  I know it gives rejuvenating strength in a world that unceasingly sucks our spiritual resolve from us throughout the week.  I know it because I’ve experienced it.

    I would invite everybody to spend some time every Sunday morning in prayer.  I promise you will feel something special.  The Sabbath day is profound.  Keep it holy.  It was a long journey for me to truly appreciate the power of the Sabbath.  I know that we’re blessed for keeping the Sabbath holy.  In the scriptures, keeping the Sabbath is said to be what separates God’s people from the world.  Keep the Sabbath holy and I promise God will pour out blessings on you.  I know because he has on me.