No Coincidences

Tag: obedient

  • Embrace the Chaos: Parenting a Toddler

    Embrace the Chaos: Parenting a Toddler

    On the heels of my Mr. Feeny post I had a revelation.

    Growing up, I have vague memories of staying up late with my mom at a very young age. I remember sitting with her on the couch while she folded laundry watching Law and Order or CSI. While these are vague memories, they’re powerful memories.

    The last few months have been a battle with Ivy. I won’t go into all the details to avoid seeming like a completely incompetent parent. To give you a tiny glimpse into it, Ivy requires us to lie next to her bed and hold her hand for her to sleep in her bed. She’ll then sleep there for a couple hours until she wakes up and realizes we’re not there, then come into our bed. That lying next to her bed phase waiting for her to fall asleep can be 10 minutes or it can be three hours.

    I am completely open to suggestions on how to get your toddler to sleep.

    I will maybe try suggestions but more likely laugh in the face of any suggestion that implies you can get a toddler to do anything they don’t want to do.

    Beth and I have really tried to add some structure to Ivy’s life. Before she become a full-blown 2 year-old with all the personality and stubbornness of an aged mule, I think we did a good job. We still try to get her to bed between 7pm and 8pm. See the above paragraph for notes on “trying” to get her to go to bed.

    Last night, I laid next to Ivy for 30 minutes while she sang, did some sort of dance lying down (I just know her feet were moving a lot), went through all her books (it was pitch black), and repeatedly re-adjusted the holding of my hand. After 30 minutes I stood up and left the room. I had a Jazz game to watch. She followed.

    Beth went to bed around 9:00pm.

    Ivy and I stayed up until 10:30pm watching the game. We laughed, we high-fived, we hugged, we danced, we cheered (quietly), we cried (they lost).

    “Education is not about obscure facts and little test scores. Education is about the overall effect of years of slow absorption of concepts, philosophies, approaches to problem-solving. The whole process is so grand and all-encompassing that it really can’t be threatened by the occasional late-night no-hitter. It is important that a boy (or girl) spend time with his (or her) father.”

    Mr. Feeny

    I may remember that night for the rest of my life. It was not a no-hitter, just the sixth regular season game in an 82 game season. But I may remember that night forever because it was so great.

    This led me to sending my mom a text, which read:

    “I’m more and more trending toward your way of doing things. What’s the point in having a battle of contrition with a 3yo that I’ll never win? Trying to put her to sleep at 8pm and lying next to her bed for hours on end hoping she’ll fall asleep. Why? So she can sleep for 2 hours then get up and get in our bed anyway? Not to mention if she doesn’t go to sleep, she’s at her peak best behavior ever. She’s sweet, nice, and plays quietly on her own, only occasionally asking if you want to play with her. It’s all going to come back around anyway. Either she’ll nap really good today at school or she’ll go to bed early tonight because she’s actually tired (doubt it). It’s also kind of the best when she’s being so nice and we get to stay up until 1030 watching the Jazz, cheering, clapping, hugging, and crying together. Multiple times I made her jump during her quiet playing because I got loud. Every time she looked at me like, “Uhm, trying to have some peace and quiet over here.” So she gets to see what we feel like all day every day. I’m failing to see the true downside. Teaching discipline? Avoiding chaos? We’re way past that. You can’t discipline a 3yo. She does whatever she wants when she wants and dares us to do something about it. She’ll come around, I’m sure. But for now, just embrace the chaos, I think, is the way to go.”

    I remember those nights with my mom.

    Maybe Ivy will remember some of these nights with me.

    I always hoped I’d have super well-behaved, obedient, and disciplined children. I think, on the toddler scale, Ivy is turning out to be exceptional in those categories. BUT – the idea of a disciplined toddler is like the fantasy of a well organized and controlled tornado – it really doesn’t exist.

    I think the occasional late night Jazz game is way more valuable than discipline. I think.

    Embrace the chaos.

  • Blessing Ivy

    Blessing Ivy

    I recently had the special opportunity to bless Ivy.  Leading up to the blessing, I did some research on the history of blessing children in the Church of Jesus Christ and its significance.  For Ivy’s blessing, Beth put together an event and a description of what a baby blessing is.  Here is that description:

    What is a baby blessing?

    In summary, the naming and blessing of children is a commandment of God. It is proper for a worthy father to name and bless his children. Blessing of children was done during the time of Christ, and it occurred in the early years of the restored Church. The ordinance has become a regular practice followed by Church members ever since.

    Who has the authority to bless a baby?

    A worthy priesthood holder under the direction of the local bishop. It is usually the father or a close family member.

    What is the priesthood?

    The word priesthood has two meanings. First, priesthood is the power and authority of God. It has always existed and will continue to exist without end. Through the priesthood, God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power, He exalts His obedient children, bringing to pass “the immortality and eternal life of man.”

    Second, in mortality, priesthood is the power and authority that God gives to man to act in all things necessary for the salvation of God’s children. The blessings of the priesthood are available to all who receive the gospel.

    What is the format of a baby blessing?

    When blessing a baby, priesthood holders gather in a circle and place their hands under the baby. When blessing an older child, brethren place their hands lightly on the child’s head. The person who gives the blessing:

    1. Addresses Heavenly Father.

    2. States that the blessing is performed by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood.

    3. Gives the child a name.

    4. Gives words of blessing as the Spirit directs.

    5. Closes in the name of Jesus Christ.

    Ivy and Aunt Cambria

    Reading up on the baby blessing beforehand taught me some interesting things about this sacred practice that I would like to share.

    The below points were taken from this link:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1979/12/i-have-a-question/in-blessing-an-infant-should-both-the-naming-and-blessing-be-addressed-to-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng

    1. Unique to giving a blessing to an older child or adult, the naming and blessing of a child is directed to Heavenly Father like prayers are. 
      • This could be because the baby is too young to understand the words directed to him or her. 
    2. It appears that Melchizedek Priesthood holders are authorized to more than ask for a blessing but are able to pronounce a blessing upon the child directly, as the spirit directs.
      • See D&C 20:70
      • Sometimes inspiration (or confidence) to pronounce/give a blessing does not come.  In this case it is of course acceptable to ask Heavenly Father for these blessings.  I believe this is how I felt in giving Ivy her blessing.  It was enough to ask Heavenly Father to bless her with my requests.
    3. It is a commandment to name and bless infants.
      • See again D&C 20:70
      • It is important to remember the naming and blessing of children is not a saving ordinance.  It is still an important and sacred moment seen in heaven.
    4. “It is an awesome responsibility to be a priesthood agent of the Lord, to act in his behalf, and to approximate in one’s words and doings what the Lord would do if he were here.  A father, especially, who is to bless his child, has the delight and responsibility to prepare himself beforehand by pondering and by fasting and prayer, that he may be sensitive to the suggestions of the Spirit when giving the blessing.”
      • “How blessed we are to be able to present our little ones before the Lord, our families and the Church, and then consecrate them to the Lord.  How blessed we are to be able to name them, plead over, pray for, and, yes, to bless them directly and personally in harmony with our finest desires for them, by the authorization and wisdom of heaven.”

    The below points were taken from this link:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1988/12/i-have-a-question/why-is-the-naming-and-blessing-of-a-child-important?lang=eng

    1. An interesting account from Joseph Smith on March 13, 1843 says, “Twenty-seven children were blessed, nineteen of whom I blessed myself, with great fervency.  Virtue went out of me, and my strength left me…”
      • “[The next day] Elder Jedediah M. Grant enquired of me the cause of my turning pale and losing strength last night while blessing children.  I told him that I saw that Lucifer would exert his influence to destroy the children that I was blessing, and I strove with all the faith and spirit that I had to seal upon them a blessing that would secure their lives upon the earth; and so much virtue went out of me into the children, that I became weak, from which I have not yet recovered; and I referred to the case of the woman touching the hem of the garment of Jesus. (Luke 8).” (History of the Church, 5:303.)
      • Elder John Taylor said the Savior’s example of blessing children “should be studiously complied with without hesitancy or objection” (by priesthood holders).
      • We see that Joseph Smith followed the example of the Savior who blessed children in both Israel and the American continent.  (Mark 10:14-16 and 3 Nephi 17).  What an amazing and marvelous thought:  our virtue can be passed to our children.  Our blessings are a force Satan must reckon with.  It makes me want to bless my daughter daily.  It also adds insight to a scripture that has always been a bit puzzling in Luke 8:46.  Virtue can literally leave us to help others.
    2. The new name:
      • A new name is often involved when a covenant relationship is formed.
      • When Adam and Eve were given dominion over the earth, Adam named all the animals (Genesis 2:19-20).
      • God blessed them and named Adam after giving him a body (Genesis 5:2).
      • When we get baptized we follow a similar pattern, taking upon us a new name, the name of Christ.
      • Temple covenants also involve the giving and receiving of names.
    3. The responsibility of blessing a child is bestowed, ideally, on he who helped create that child’s body, and who Heavenly Father entrusted His child with in mortality.
      • Joseph F. Smith – “The patriarchal order is of divine origin and will continue throughout time and eternity.  There is, then, a particular reason why men, women, and children should understand this order and authority in the households of the people of God and seek to make it what God intended it to be, a qualification and preparation for the highest exaltation of his children.  In the home, the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters there is no other authority paramount…This authority carries with it a responsibility, and a grave one, as well as its rights and privileges, and men cannot be too exemplary in their lives, nor fit themselves too carefully to live in harmony with this important and God-ordained rule of conduct in the family organization.”

    It is my experience that giving blessings is often the closest I ever feel to Heavenly Father.  I can feel him speaking through me and it is always a powerful, emotional, and memorable experience.  The opportunity to bless my daughter will be one of the greatest moments of my life.  I have immense gratitude to my Heavenly Father for entrusting Ivy into my care, allowing me to name her, and trusting me to watch over and protect her in this life and through eternity.