Tag: pandemic

  • Conversation with a Celebrity

    Conversation with a Celebrity

    Let me tell you a story about my simple interaction with an unexpected person.

    I was walking down a street downtown. This street was like any other in countless cities across the country. Shops and restaurants all around. Cars left, right, and center. People getting picked up, laughter, the joy of being out in public with a purpose, or with no purpose in the world, it didn’t really matter.

    With the recent lifting of certain mandates, this area was particularly bustling as the pandemic started to appear to come under control. You could sense in the movements of others what a special treat this was. To be living, to be out, to see people, to shop, to dine. All the things that had been taken for granted for so long. Each and every person, purpose or not, had their own reasons for being there. A thousand unique actors.

    As I walked back to the parking lot where my car was located, I saw someone standing idly, looking out toward the street. He appeared to be waiting for a ride. I would have paid the stranger no mind, I should have paid the stranger no mind, I still have no idea what made me double-take. Maybe I subconsciously noticed the chisel of a jaw line, noticeable even under the scruff of a beard that had been grown as disguise.

    I slowed my pace and inconspicuously tried to get a better look. He was tall and clearly handsome. Wearing sunglasses that were neither flashy nor attention grabbing. A beard… the beard gave it away. Of course, beards weren’t unique, but this one was hiding something.

    If you’ve seen 10 movies in the last year, there is little chance you hadn’t seen this man. He was the movie star. He was the lead man. He was “What women wanted and what men wanted to be,” yada yada. It was startling. What was he doing here? Like a narwal caught in the middle of the street, how did this happen? And yet, he was not a narwhal. He was a man. Just as at home on this street corner as any other man, except, that was the thing, right? He wasn’t any other man.

    I walked with new purpose. 

    “Hello, my name is Brayden. Where do you currently stand on shaking hands?” The pandemic world we lived in made this a newly common question.

    He looked over curiously, “Hello..” he said, trying to gauge who I was to him and why he was being spoken to. He withheld his name, for obvious reasons.

    “I introduce myself instead of saying, ‘are you’ because I like to think it would help you feel a little more like a normal guy, which you apparently want with that beard. Of course, maybe I’m just like 90% of people and try to treat you normal when of course my approach right now is not normal, and you yourself are not normal.”

    I hoped to be unique in my introduction for a chance at starting a memorable conversation. Did I just insult his beard? He looked at me for a moment. I imagined he was trying to gauge if I was a crazy fan that he should be wary of. 

    “Is the beard that obvious?” He said, with a slight smile.

    Interesting. Not too busy for us little people.

    “Well, there are beards and then there are disguises. Yours looks like it has a purpose.” This seemed to tickle him. He laughed jovially. I continued, “I’m sorry for the weird introduction, was going for unique. The line between unique and weird is so fine.”

    “It is indeed,” he said. He continued, “The question is, would you ever greet a stranger on the street this way if that stranger wasn’t me?”

    “No, I wouldn’t,” I replied. “As stated, you are not normal.”

    “I guess I’m not, as you implied, I wish I was, sometimes.”

    “Only sometimes?”

    “Maybe a more often than sometimes. Since we’re ankle deep into this interesting conversation, what makes me unique?”

    I thought for a moment. “You’re known. Like you pointed out, I’d never do this with another stranger unless I had a purpose. I guess the purpose with greeting you was your inherent uniqueness.”

    “You say being known makes me unique, doesn’t it make me less so?”

    “Interesting question. I guess it’s how you define unique.”

    He quickly expounded, as if this was something he had spent some time considering. “I would consider unique as one of a kind. In that sense I would consider myself the opposite of unique. ‘I’m known’ you say. I know nothing about you. I know nothing about that person.” He pointed to someone walking by. “I know nothing about that person.” He pointed at a blonde woman in high heels entering a vehicle. “Me being known makes me the opposite of unique. I’m surrounded by uniqueness. Every individual is unique. Every person here is walking their own path, has their own dreams, has children, has a bad day, has a good day, has love, has angst, has fear. In short, every person here thinks they’re the center of the universe. Isn’t that interesting?”

    “It is interesting. And yet, if any of those people saw you, they might stop and change their course to get an autograph, say hi, or start a strange existential conversation.”

    He laughed at this. “I am less unique than any person on this street. That is exactly what makes humanity beautiful.”

  • First year of marriage during a pandemic-oh my!

    First year of marriage during a pandemic-oh my!

    Beth and I have been married for 15 months.  If you’re doing the math, you’re realizing that our first 12 months of marriage included 3 months of quarantine.  It seems silly for someone married 15 months to give marriage advice.  But I’ll remind you, we’ve survived the great pandemic and quarantine period of 2020!  I’d like to write some things I learned in the first year of marriage.

    First let me comment on the pandemic.  While being stuck with someone and quarantined with them for 6 months may be miserable for some, it’s made me realize how lucky I am to have a wife I love to be around.  Beth and I have joked about how quarantine has been quite a blessing for us.  We basically haven’t left each other’s side for 6 months.  It’s crazy to think about.  What’s even crazier is I love it.  It’s given me a chance to appreciate her, talk with her, and be with her.  We went through a stretch when the weather was nice where we were biking almost every day.  That was great.  As the heat set in, we transitioned into conversations and TV series together.  It’s been nice. 

    It hasn’t been all roses and bliss.  While we rarely fight, there are still frustrations.  I’ll mention one (and don’t worry, this will be proofread by Beth before I post it).

    Early on in our marriage I noticed a frustration setting in.  If I cleaned a bathroom, or did laundry, or vacuumed the living room I would find myself resenting her.  I would wonder why she didn’t help or do this or that. 

    I was letting this frustration build when I turned to someone for advice.  This wise advice giver presented me with thoughts that completely turned around my way of thinking.  He said that when he got married (39 years ago, congrats!) he was given some advice that he took to heart.  He said he struggled with something similar early in marriage where he would fold the laundry and then expect his wife to do something in return.  Someone explained to him that you don’t fold the laundry to keep a leg up or hold something over on your wife.  You fold the laundry because you love your wife and you want to do it for her and yourself, without any thought of repayment.

    My advice giver talked about the Savior and how He is our greatest example.  He reminded me Jesus Christ never did anything with any hope of getting something in return.  Christ served only to serve.  He reminded me we’re here to become like Christ.  Folding the laundry or doing the dishes, with zero expectations of getting something back, was our small way of becoming like Christ. 

    It hit me how dumb I’d been.  Here I was doing good stuff like picking up around the house but doing it without good intentions.  I was essentially nullifying my “good deed.”  I was reminded we don’t serve to get pats on the back, we serve because we love.  It reminded of the advice of our bishop, Bishop Nelson, when Beth and I met with him before getting married.  He said, “If you always do whatever you can to make the other person happy, you will always have a happy marriage.”  I’ve realized how difficult that is in practice, but how rewarding it is to try to live thinking about Beth first.

    I realized after this advice that I’d really let some negative feelings set into my heart.  Looking back, I think it would have been a short skip and a jump to negative feelings turning into resentment, resentment turning into animosity, and animosity turning into a really unhappy home.  I’m extraordinarily grateful to two wise advice givers that helped me be a *slightly better husband early on.

    Let me be clear about something.  I am far from a perfect or I’d say even a decent husband at this point.  While Beth is the epitome of love and kindness, I know my tendency to be stoic and un-affectionate.  I am lucky to be married to someone who understands my flaws.  I’ve mentioned some of the patience I’ve developed but I’m well aware of Beth’s out of this world patience with me.  I know I am not easy to live with and I feel so lucky to have her. 

    Since I received the advice, I can say my heart has changed.  Every once in a while, if I’m vacuuming, I’ll get an inkling of frustration.  I have to stop myself and remember.  Am I vacuuming so I’m owed something?  No.  I’m vacuuming because I want to clean up and I love my wife.  She does so much around the house and does so much for me.  There’s no keeping score.  Truth is I’m lucky we don’t keep score, or I’d probably be losing.

    The moral of the story I learned is we control how we feel.  We can control our thoughts and our emotions- especially frustration.  It’s not always easy,  but it’s possible.  It’s what we’re here to learn.  We’re here to learn patience and love.  I’m still working on being a more loving husband and look forward to the years where Beth teaches me how to be more loving. 

    I see a sad trend in our society and the world today.  We give up too easy.  Love and marriage aren’t easy.  If it was easy it wouldn’t be rewarding.  We’re in a world that has decided if things are difficult, they’re not worth it.  It makes me sad.  Committing to marriage should be the most serious commitment of our life.  Too many people give up too quickly.  It’s sad and I wish it wasn’t that way.

    I know that my marriage will end up being the greatest catalyst to my growth in this life.  From my marriage I will soon be blessed with a daughter which will also provide vast opportunities to mature in many qualities.  I’m grateful for my marriage.  I’m grateful that my marriage is for eternity.  I can’t imagine vacuuming all these floors and taking out all this trash just to have this marriage end when I die.  I’m earning brownie points for eternity 😉.  (Just kidding!  Were you paying attention?  No brownie points!)

    I’ll conclude with a great quote.  The quote comes from Jenkin Lloyd Jones and has famously been quoted by Gordon B. Hinckley.  I share it because I think it’s important to remember, especially when marriage becomes difficult. 

    There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks, to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and ravishing wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear, the divorce courts are jammed.

    Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .

    Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”