No Coincidences

Tag: patient

  • Beth’s Talk on Mosiah 3:19 (January)

    Beth’s Talk on Mosiah 3:19 (January)

    This is a talk, exactly as written, by Beth, that she gave in church in January. She rehearsed the talk verbally to me multiple times before I heard it in church. Of course, through hearing it I knew it was a great talk, but it wasn’t until proofreading and preparing to post this that I was struck by how phenomenal a talk this really was. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as much as I did. And now, Beth –

    Mosiah 3:19 Talk
    January 9, 2022
    Good morning brothers and sisters.
    I wanted to start by introducing my family as we are one of the families that were blended into this ward with the recent changes in the stake. My name is Elisabeth Quackenbush. My husband is Brayden Quackenbush. We met in the Scottsdale Young Single Adult Ward in 2017 and have been married for over 2 years. We have a one year old daughter named Ivy. You’ll see her running around Sunday School for another 5 months but she is very excited to start nursery after that.

    The topic I was given to speak on this morning is the scripture Mosiah 3:19. When I was informed this was my assignment I wasn’t really surprised. This scripture comes into my mind a lot and is brought up in conversations about life all the time when I’m chatting with my husband. I think it sticks in my mind because it stands in such contrast to a lot of the attitudes of the world these days.

    For those of you that memorized scripture mastery back in the day you may remember this scripture, but as a reminder, this scripture is King Benjamin speaking to his people in the Book of Mormon. It reads,

    “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

    When we break down this verse, we can derive meaning in a variety of ways. The first that I noted is that the natural man is inherently selfish. The second is the importance of change to the Eternal Plan of Happiness.

    Boyd K Packer stated in his 1990 talk, “Put Off the Natural Man, and Come Off
    Conqueror”:
    “Unchecked selfishness [of the natural man] stubbornly blocks the way for developing all of the divine qualities: love, mercy, patience, long-suffering, kindness, graciousness, goodness, and gentleness. Any tender sprouts from these virtues are sheared off by sharp selfishness. Contrariwise, I cannot think of a single gospel covenant the keeping of which does not shear off selfishness from us.”

    Through the influence of the Holy Ghost, and the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can and should change from the narrow focus of the natural man and become, “submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, and willing to submit to the will of God.”

    This idea of our ability and strength to change stands in stark contrast to the pervasive attitude of our society. This attitude states that we are born a certain way. We can’t change, and even shouldn’t want to change. If we do change, we are inauthentic. On the surface, this has a false sense of empowerment, I think. However, this idea that change is bad and that we must only be one way for the rest of our life is truly limiting, almost an eternal purgatory of mediocrity. Compare this to the freedom and growth permitted to us through Jesus Christ’s suffering, that we may improve and become like our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.

    My husband and I have had the opportunity to have many deep, religious
    conversations with friends of a variety of backgrounds. We often come across
    criticism of our faith’s belief that we can take steps, including repentance, baptism, and participating in temple ordinances, to change and become like God. We are accused of valuing works and forgetting the grace provided through Jesus Christ. On the contrary… His grace is the key element that permits us TO become new beings.

    In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we read, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new
    creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

    Brad Wilcox does a beautiful job in his BYU talk, “His Grace is Sufficient” at outlining how the Atonement of Jesus Christ, through His death and resurrection, provides us the need to change… (forgive me for this lengthy quote but as many of you know, this talk is incredible…)

    “[Yes, we are saved by Grace but] Have you been changed by grace? [We] are so excited about being saved that we are not thinking enough about what comes next. We are so happy the debt is paid that we may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for.

    “A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ’s life. While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us,
    Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.

    “As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed.“

    Again, just think for a minute… how does that compare to what we are being taught by the world? I can’t change, I shouldn’t change…

    HOW DO WE PUT OFF THE NATURAL MAN AND BECOME LIKE CHRIST?

    We can actively seek this positive change…

    In her 1998 BYU Speech, Wendy Watson, now well known as Wendy Nelson, lists some ways. One is reflection. She notes how Alma directs this type of reflection:

    “Just how does Alma invite these change-inducing reflections? One way is through his use of questions. In Alma 5 alone, more than 40 questions are offered—questions like:
    ‘Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? . . .
    . . . If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?‘ [Alma 5:14, 26]. Through the process of persistent questioning, Alma invites us to reflect over and over again: on our status with the Lord, on our spiritual growth and development, on things that need to change or have changed—and before we know it our desire for more change increases.”

    Another idea is to listen to the uplifting voices of authority in your life remembering, “As helpful as human voices of authority are, none can or should replace the ultimate voice of authority—the Word himself: the Savior Jesus Christ. What are you doing to hear his voice in your life? What are you doing to establish his voice as the voice of authority for you?”

    Other ways we can develop this change to become more like Him… Consistently and earnestly repent, seek out holy places, take steps of faith, pray to Him daily.”

    Sometimes change finds us…whether it be through loss, grief, depression, or trials in life, change is often thrust upon us in this mortal life. Again, the world finds few answers as to why there is such suffering and grief in the world. His eternal plan of growth and development is sometimes the only answer that makes sense. If we are to become like Christ, our innocent brother that felt all the sufferings of the world, how can we expect to be truly changed without some suffering of our own?

    Peter in speaking of [trials], said: “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

    When we endure this life, put off the natural man, and develop into more Christ-like beings, we set ourselves up to feel an even greater degree of joy in this life and in eternity.

    This topic makes me think of a time when I came back to church after living a life that was not in line with what I knew to be right. I made many positive changes when I started coming back and attending the Scottsdale Young Single Adult ward. I starting observing the sabbath day, stopped a lifestyle of college partying, broke off a serious relationship, and made several other difficult but important decisions.

    However, with all this positive change and shunning of the enticings of the natural man, I still felt like I wasn’t receiving the blessings I thought I would. I wallowed in self pity over my own suffering for a while because of this and even wondered if all of my change was for nothing.

    However, I eventually decided I would stop focusing on what I needed and instead turned outward. I made it my mission to seek anyone in my ward that seemed lonely as I was. I sought opportunities to serve those that were also going through a variety of trials. And a miracle happened! The less I focused on my pain, my loneliness, my loss, and focused on loving those around me as Christ did, I really came to find true joy.

    I couldn’t believe how sincerely I loved everyone around me. I didn’t feel lonely. I developed new, Christ-like attributes. And ultimately, I shunned the ultimate trait of the natural man – selfishness. What a blessing that lesson was for my life.

    I know how hard it can be to put off the feelings we have as humans in a difficult mortal journey. It is something we will actively have to work for as long as we live. However, I know that when we let ourselves change and take on the characteristics of Christ we will prepare ourselves to find real joy in eternity. We will truly have cause to rejoice in his second coming.

    I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

  • Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Sometimes I find myself praying for God to change Ivy.  Not big changes, stuff like, “help her to not be grumpy,” “make her sleep well,” “help her to be happy.”

    Then something hit me that I of course knew but needed to come face to face with. Ivy is just going through her motions.  It’s more important for me to learn to control mine. 

    Ivy can be grumpy, mean, crying, not sleeping, screaming, and causing all other sorts of havoc.  That’s not what matters.  What matters is my patience, my learning, my growth.

    I’ll say it again, Ivy’s going through her motions, and I’m learning to control mine.

    There will come a point when she will be responsible for her actions and will be accountable for her behavior.  How can I expect her to be great at controlling her behavior as she gets older if I haven’t mastered my own behavior yet?  She will learn from my (and Beth’s) example.  It makes me think of the Macklemore song called Growing Up where he says,

    “I’ll be patient, one more month

    You’ll wrap your fingers round my thumb

    Times are changing, I know

    But who am I if I’m the person you become

    If I’m still growing up”

    (Side note, as writing this I almostttt lost my patience as I pulled a piece of paper out of Ivy’s mouth and kept her from deleting everything I just typed.  The joys of fatherhood 😊)

    Back to my point, Ivy does what she does and is what she is, innocent and perfect.  I’m the one that needs to change.

    So, when I find myself mistakenly saying, “Heavenly Father, please comfort Ivy and make her know she is safe and watched over so she can sleep tonight,” instead I say, “Heavenly Father, give me the strength, energy, and patience, that even if Ivy doesn’t sleep a wink tonight, I can help her know she is watched over, I can make her feel comforted, and I can have complete patience with her as she helps me to grow.”

    I am eternally grateful for fatherhood and all it is teaching me.

  • Last Night I let the Party get the best of me (No Sleep)

    Last Night I let the Party get the best of me (No Sleep)

    Remember last week when I wrote about The greatest moment of my life every day? Yeah, well here’s the dark side of that smile.

    There’s a serious question/joke every new parent has heard at least 100 times.  Are you getting any sleep?

    Why are we asked this question?

    Because it’s a REAL concern.

    Ivy trying to eat my hand when she should be sleeping

    So, for all those wondering, how has our sleep been?  I wrote about the First 48 Hours.  How have the first five months gone? In a blur would be one way to answer.

    I could go on for a while about sleep training and how much work and effort Beth has put in.  This isn’t a mommy blog so I won’t go into all the detail.  I will say Beth has done an awesome job helping Ivy to sleep.  She usually puts her down between 7pm-8pm.  Ivy will sleep until 6:30am-7:00am with at least one wake-up in the middle of the night.  Some of these wakeups just take putting the pacifier back in her mouth.  Sometimes it’s an hour feeding her a bottle and helping her back to sleep.

    Physically restraining a stubborn baby

    Before I provide my spiritual thought on this, I will stress two points:

    1. Ivy is pretty good overall with her sleeping.  We are blessed.  Beth reminds me of this.  While I have no frame of reference, Beth is in touch with all the mommy’s of the world and knows that babies don’t always sleep the way Ivy does.
    2. Beth does the heavy lifting most nights as I work in the morning.

    As I proceed with my thoughts on getting sleep with a newborn, please refer back to points 1 and 2 often.  Every time you’re thinking, “well Beth is doing all the work, of course you (enter your feelings about my thoughts)…” or “of course it’s not that bad, not all babies sleep like yours has!”  Please refer back to those points.  I am aware of how blessed we’ve been in point one, and I’ve been in point two.

    That said.  My thoughts.

    It hasn’t been that bad.  There.  I said it.

    Don’t get me wrong, it’s HARD.  I’ll say this, I think lack of sleep isn’t as bad as interrupted sleep.  There’s something about having to get up every 2 hours in the middle of the night, even if it’s quick and you can go back to sleep.  That’s what made the first couple months so difficult. 

    I recently heard another father describe the newborn sleeping phase as something like advanced sleep deprivation training for the military.  As he said that, I thought, “huh, I don’t think it was THAT bad” (see point 1!).

    Leading up to Ivy’s birth, I made some big changes to everyday habits of mine.  For one, I’ve cut out sugary drinks completely.  For those who know me, that included Hawaiian Punch or soda with lunch and dinner.  That’s A LOT of sugar.  I cut out the juice and soda about 18 months ago.

    Leading up to Ivy’s birth I read a book that led to two other changes.  I started doing a breathing exercise once or twice a day.  According to this book it’s the single most important thing anyone could do to immediately improve their health.  The other thing this book prompted me to start doing was change my breakfast habits.  I’ve always had breakfast every day no matter what. My breakfast every morning is usually cereal and milk.  My cereal is most often not of the healthy variety.  Berry Colossal Crunch (Cap’n Crunch knockoff) and Cinnamon Toasters (Cinnamon Toast Crunch knockoff) are still in my kitchen from our last order before I changed this habit.  Instead of artificial sugar for breakfast, I’ve transitioned to fruit every morning.  Usually grapefruit and blueberries, apples, oranges, or bananas.

    For those keeping score, I’ve cut out Hawaiin Punch, soda, and cereal in the form of straight sugar.

    For those of you wondering if I still eat candy.  Emphatic YES.  Maybe one day this can be cut down in my life.  We’re not there yet.

    As I pondered on the past 5 months, and the difficulty, something occurred to me.  Like I said above, I don’t think it’s been that bad.  Difficult, not debilitating.  As I thought about this, I thought about a scripture.

    Mosiah 24:14-15 reads:

    And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

    And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

    I think this is the most I’ve ever related to this scripture.  I’ve always wondered what it would feel like for burdens to be made light.  The lack of sleep should be killing me.  I have to be on-call every few weeks for work.  A call at 3 in the morning that would take 2 minutes used to infuriate me.  It would ruin my night and the whole next day.  Now a 3am-4am feeding session is a pretty regular occurrence.

    What explains that I haven’t gone into a fit of rage?  For one, I love Ivy passionately. That helps.  But I can’t help but feel like my burdens have been made light.  Heavenly Father knows my prayers have picked up, needing this assistance.

    I’ve wondered how the change in my eating habits has helped my energy.  Does God miraculously give us more energy and uplift us?  He can, of course.  I believe more often He would like to help us by allowing us to help ourselves.  I believe these new habits were inspired and I was guided to them.  I believe it has lightened my burdens, and God continues to lighten my burdens.

    I’m still working on the cheerfully and patient parts.  That I could always improve on.  But I am grateful for God and His help these first few months.  I’ve felt His presence and assistance every day.

    In the end, all the lack of sleep in the world is worth that smile.