No Coincidences

Tag: poker

  • RIP Coach

    RIP Coach

    I often think about the people God put around me in my life.  I’m obviously not the center of the universe, but sometimes, when I think about all those who have looked out for me throughout my life, it’s hard not to feel like that.

    There’s an individual in my life who played a critical role at two of the most important junctures in my life.  He was a dear friend, coach, mentor. 

    What’s so funny is, Coach Gonzalez never actually coached me.  Jessie Gonzalez was the athletic director at my high school.  Coach Gonzalez got close with most of the teams he looked over as athletic director.  The basketball program was no exception.

    My senior year at Cimarron we went to a tournament in Hawaii.  Coach Gonzalez came on that trip to “watch” us, or chaperone, I guess.  On that trip, Coach Gonzalez went from Coach Gonzalez to Gonzo, or just Coach.

    Gonzo looked out for me throughout high school.  Many don’t know this now, but I needed a lot of looking out for at that time. 

    I had bonded with Gonzo a bit on the Hawaii trip, but he wasn’t someone I would have considered a close friend or confidant.  That is until I really, really needed someone to talk to.  Then he was there, at the most difficult time of my life.  Somehow, for reasons I won’t understand until I see the bigger picture, Gonzo was the phone call I made.  He helped me through some very difficult things. I look forward to speaking to God, and Him showing me how critical that moment was.  I look forward to seeing why Gonzo was there at that precise moment, and why God made sure I reached out to him.

    We stayed in loose contact as I left high school.

    Gonzo had a few of us he took under his wing and looked out for.  I felt truly blessed to be “one of his boys.”

    After high school, this fascinating thing happened where the roles Gonzo played in my life morphed.  He went from 100% mentor to 50% mentor and 50% friend.  Gonzo was only 11 years older than me.  Not that many years, in the grand scheme. 

    In 2015 I went to a birthday party in Houston.  It was a relative of Gonzo’s and made no sense for me to be there.  It was really just an excuse to go to Houston and see Gonzo, who had moved to Michigan, and I hadn’t seen since high school.  That trip is so memorable.  I’m not going to elaborate any further.  During that trip Gonzo stayed a 50% mentor but also became one of my closest friends, a lifelong friend.

    The second, extremely critical cross roads in my life-  I was trying to return to church.  Who did I turn to?  Who talked me through a year plus of difficulty, repentance, trials, temptations, questions, doubts, uncertainties?  Countless hours were spent on the phone with him.  He was going to see me through.

    Gonzo isn’t a member of my church.  He’s a member of a grander organization.  He’s a brother and an angel that was here to look over me and guide me.  I’m not sure I’d be an active member of my church today without his guidance. That was the power of Coach.  He didn’t need to be a member of my church to help me with something so important.  He only needed to listen, love me, help me.

    Another moment I’ll never forget, I was only a couple months into trying to return into activity in the Church.  Satan was hard at work in those first months.  I could go on and on about what he put before me during those months.

    One of those temptations was a staycation at my favorite place at the time, Talking Sticks Resort.  I was still playing poker.  During this weekend that TSR gave me a free suite to stay in, there was a huge summer pool party.  My room overlooked the pool, of course.

    Imagine me for a moment.  Just a couple months into not drinking.  Here I am at Talking Stick Resort, in a super nice room, overlooking a pool filled with beautiful people and all my temptations.  I was literally in the great and spacious building.  I had alcohol in the fridge.  For those who don’t know this feeling, I can’t describe the pull.  I don’t have words to describe the need to drink alcohol, go to the pool, let myself fully embrace this staycation.

    I had worked so hard.  I was going to church and making good choices.  Surely, I could give myself this one weekend, right?

    I was going to drink and join this party.  There was really no doubt.  As much as I told myself I wouldn’t, I was going to. 

    I can’t remember if I called him.  There’s a chance he called me.  I talked to Coach Gonzo.  In true Jessie fashion, he didn’t tell me not to drink.  He talked me through it.  He told me it was a choice I had to make.  He reminded me how hard I’d worked to return to church and stop drinking.

    Then, almost nonchalantly, as if an afterthought, Coach said the most critical thing.  He said, “You can drink and get wild and crazy, but man, after not drinking for as long as you’ve gone, tomorrow is going to suck.  That hangover is going to be bad.  Hangover aside, how are you going to feel about yourself in the morning?”

    That was all I needed to hear.

    For those wondering, I did join the pool party.  I hung out, walked around.  I didn’t embrace the party.  I owe Jessie, Coach, Gonzo for that.  I may owe him my now 5 years of sobriety.

    Jessie Gonzalez left this stage of his coaching journey 6/8/21.  He had some new people to coach and mentor, and he couldn’t do that here.  I will miss him dearly.  I already wonder who I will turn to when I need to be guided through the next trial.  Part of me thinks he could move on because he already got me to the point where I can take care of myself.  Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need him anymore. The greater and more comforting truth is that you always need a mentor and friend like Gonzo, and he’s still there for me, more than ever now.

    He was light.  And he was joy.  Nobody brought together a room like him. 

    He protected me from harm while here, both physically and spiritually.

    I thought of something interesting last night.  It hit me that Gonzo likely, just recently, had his life review.  It brought me so much joy to think of him getting to see all the good he had done.  I considered him getting to see every moment he impacted me and how big a role he played in my life.  I thought about the net of goodness and light he spread while he was here.

    It brought a smile to my face to know that he got to see his Savior.  He was embraced, and loved, and free from the difficulties of this world.

    He can coach in purity now, for, a purer heart there never was. 

    I miss him a lot now. Though I can’t hear his voice or see his face, he’ll continue to be with me, coaching from above. I look forward to the reunion.

    I love you Jessie, Coach, Gonzo, and I thank you for all you did for me.

  • How did I get here?

    How did I get here?

    What is my goal in writing this blog?

    Hopefully to uplift someone, anyone.  Believer, nonbeliever.  Member of the Church of Jesus Christ, member of any church, member of no church.  I’d like to teach people who know nothing about this faith some of what I believe.  I’d like to share with members of my faith the things that have impacted my testimony.

    Recently a new motivation has emerged.  With a daughter on the way I realize one day she can read all this.  Whether or not anyone reads any of this.  One day my daughter might.

    Right now, I’m posting individual posts that are unrelated to each other.  Mostly my thoughts and musings.  As I post more, I plan on categorizing posts into certain sections.  If someone could come to this page and read a quick one to two-page entry and leave slightly uplifted, that’s my ultimate goal.  Most of my writing I hope to be somewhat thought provoking.  Just things I’ve thought about or ideas and concepts that have really impacted me and changed the way I’ve looked at life.

    I hope for this to be informational.  I was greatly impacted by the writing of a man, John Pontius.  As I read more, I’m impacted by the writings of many people who took the time to put thoughts on paper.  Maybe something I write one day will help someone.  I also hope to discuss what I feel makes the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ special.  I hope for people not of my faith to read, and maybe have something stirred in their souls.  Something that reminds them of where they came from, and maybe have a desire to learn more about Christ’s Church and what makes it so important. 

    As I write I’ll share a lot about me.  I wanted a section to describe, briefly, who I am and how I got here.

    Anybody reading on my page will immediately notice the strong religious theme.  It’s what I think about most.  For a portion of my life, it was not this way.


    About me:

    I was born in Payson, Utah in 1990.  I moved to St. George, Utah when I was ~5.  I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada when I was ~9.  I lived in three houses from ages 9 to 18 in Las Vegas.  We moved a lot and that was always difficult for me while growing up.  

    History – Payson
    Payson, Utah
    The Establishment & History of St. George - Greater Zion
    St. George, Utah
    New Luxury Homes for Sale in Las Vegas, NV | Shadow Point
    Las Vegas, Nevada

    In 2009 I moved to Arizona to go to Arizona State University.  I decided early on I didn’t want to go to UNLV (University of Nevada Las Vegas) or UNR (University of Nevada Reno).  I wanted to get out of Nevada, I wanted a fresh start.  I had no family in Arizona.  Las Vegas wasn’t far, but I would be completely on my own.

    I still remember when I was driving to Arizona for orientation with my mom.  She got sick on the way and we stopped.  I think we were in Boulder City, about an hour into the drive.  I took her to the emergency room.  My dad drove there to be with my mom.  I had to be at orientation the next morning.  I drove to Arizona by myself.  It was the first time I’d driven that kind of distance alone and was symbolic of me becoming independent.

    I went to ASU for five semesters.  I studied construction management.  I always did well in high school with minimal effort.  I’m one of those obnoxious individuals who brags about never studying in high school.  Boy did I learn my lesson once I got to college.  My grades, with zero work ethic and desire, quickly reflected my effort.  It didn’t help that I soon realized I wasn’t interested in what I was studying.  Construction management can be interesting, but it wasn’t for me.  There’s only so much I could take learning about the strength of concrete.

    The College Dropout Turns Fifteen — Scene+Heard
    Like if you get the reference

    My junior year I officially dropped out of college with (of course) the intention of going back and finishing once I found my passion.  I say “of course” because that’s what we all say.  During school I found that I was much more interested in parties, poker, and basketball than I was in learning about safety standards of construction sites.  When I stopped going to school I continued to live on campus and enjoy college life, minus the higher education part.  I spent a full year couch surfing.  I’m sheepish to admit now, but I look back fondly on that year.  It was a year spent staying up until 5am, waking up at 1pm, sneaking into the student rec center to play basketball, getting food, finding a party, rinse/repeat.  It may sound like a pathetic use of time but it’s something I think I needed to experience.

    If my daughter ever reads this – not everyone needs to experience this.  That’s part of why I’m writing.  To show that I made mistakes and lived life a certain way.  Ultimately, I can’t regret it because it eventually got me to where I am today.  I have learned through my own experiences where true happiness exists.  True happiness comes from serving others, giving yourself to something bigger than yourself.  True happiness comes from loving others.  I had to go a round-about way to learn what’s important in life.  Not everyone has to make things as difficult as I made things for myself.

    During my time couch surfing, I was working odd jobs here and there to have enough money for food and extra-curricular activities.  I went to Utah near the end of this adventure for some “soul searching.” After “finding myself,” or not finding myself, I ended up back in Arizona working as a helpdesk tech for two companies.  I went with one of those companies 3 years later when they switched offices and took over as the Systems Administrator.  I now (as of 2020) work for a managed services provider supporting various companies with their technology needs. 

    As I write this blurb about my journey and my past, many thoughts come to mind of what I learned along the way.  I might refer back to this when I need a topic to write about.  Like my lack of desire studying something I wasn’t passionate about or the years spent partying and what that taught me about what I want out of life.

    Faith-wise, I started falling away from the church, due to my choices, when I was 16.  I always had a testimony of this restored church, of Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, and Jesus Christ.  That never changed.  Despite my many mistakes and many wrong decisions, I always knew it was true.  When I went to ASU I lost contact with the church completely.  It amazes me to look back and realize I didn’t even know where the church building/institute building/anything related to the church was on campus.  It’s like I’d lost connection with that part of me.

    Throughout the years I’d attempt half-heartedly to return to church.  It never stuck.  I was completely inactive from about 18-25.  Seven long years of inactivity.

    As of this year, 2020, I’ve been back at church for four years and never been happier.  I hope to express through my writing the joy the gospel has brought me and share some of my experiences that can maybe help others.  That’s the hope.  I’ve felt drawn to writing these entries so if one person is helped it’s a major win.

    And if all these hopes fail, I’ll at least be able to look back on everything I’ve written.  One day I can show my daughter and she can know I always believed.  She can see it wasn’t always easy.  She can see life has ups and downs, but it will work out.  Have faith.  That makes this worth writing.