No Coincidences

Tag: serve

Talk – How can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?
I recently shared Beth’s amazing talk given on the natural man being an enemy to God. That can be read by clicking HERE.

The following week I was asked to give a talk on the topic, “how can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?” I thought I’d share that as well. My written talk was more of an outline, but here were my notes.

Introduction

Good morning!

If you were here last week then you saw my wife already introduce us when she spoke. For those that weren’t here, I am Brayden Quackenbush. My wife goes by Beth, and we have a 1-year-old daughter named Ivy.

Brother Patterson commented after Beth spoke last week, quote “Clearly you, like me, have married up.” So of course, the Bishopric has asked me to speak today, more likely for you to see that principle of marrying up in action for yourself as opposed to any spiritual enlightenment I am meant to impart. I hope along with demonstrating the marrying up principle, my talk can also provide some uplifting spiritual content for you today.

Topic – faith

The topic I was asked to speak on today is, “How can I show faith in Jesus Christ more in my daily life?”

Let’s start with the what. What is faith?

Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said QUOTE: “‘Faith without works is dead.’ But ‘Works without faith is even deader.’”

How do we increase our faith?

Read the scriptures every day. Pray every day. Go to church each week. Serve others. Go to the temple.

For those of you that have zoned out – Okay, let’s take a quick pause. I know I’ve lost most of you. You’re thinking, great, he started his talk with 5 things I’ve heard 1 MILLION times. And then you started zoning out. Come back to me for a second. I’ll say it again for those who REALLY zoned out. Come back to me.

I could go on and on with quotes about what faith is and give ideas you’ve heard over and over and over about how to increase your faith and be exemplary latter-day saints. In my time back at church, I’ve learned that personal experiences are powerful. Repetition is good. There’s a reason we hear the same things over and over. Read scriptures, pray daily, go to church, attend the temple. Of course, these things are good and of course these things are important.

How?

But HOW do we really show more faith in Jesus Christ in our daily lives. – This is an interesting question – how? How is so independent of anyone else’s how. How isn’t a hypothetical. It’s an action. Faith is a principle of action. For that reason, I can’t tell YOU how to live with more faith in Jesus Christ. What I can do is tell you what has helped me.

It always benefits me to hear of others’ habits, stories, experiences and how they strengthened their faith. I hope some of my thoughts can help someone here today.

A little background about me – I spent 7 years of my life, from age 18-25 with zero church activity. I was about as far from the church as I could be.

It was wholesome books brought me back. Books that started making me ask the questions – why am I here? Where am I going?

The books that most impacted my journey back to church, and influenced my faith in Jesus Christ were Visions of Glory by John Pontius, Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage, and of course, the Book of Mormon.

To increase our faith, we must know in whom our faith resides. That is Jesus Christ. This is the first how I suggest, that helped me. President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly implored us to study the life of Jesus Christ, understand His ministry, understand His life, understand Him. With more of an understanding of Him, more love for Him will naturally develop, and it will become easier to follow Him and act in faith.

What other how’s have helped me in my daily life?

I’ve mentioned I want to focus on faith being a principle of action. If you have faith in Christ, it should move you towards action.

For me, after knowing who my faith resides in, it’s helped to be conscious of what I want to accomplish. Showing more faith in Christ daily needs to be a conscious goal.
1. Daily affirmations
  - The cartoonist behind Dilbert, his name is Scott Adams, he talks about a habit he developed in his early 20s. What he did was, every single day, he wrote 15 times a statement over and over. For example, “I Scott Adams will become a famous cartoonist.” This was before he’d ever written a comic. Most of you have heard of Dilbert. His second affirmation was “I Scott Adams will write a bestselling book.” He also accomplished this goal.
  - Write what you want to accomplish in your relationship with Jesus Christ, your family, or your greatest desire. The act of writing it each day will make it a focus in your life.
  - Examples could be: I will love others. I will be a loving father/mother. I will increase my faith in Jesus Christ. I will bring others unto Jesus Christ. I will return to live with my Heavenly Father.
  - This makes this a focus every single day. How did Scott Adams become a famous cartoonist? Faith. Now he wouldn’t say it, but that’s what he did. He put something out there, he focused on it every single day for years and he made it a reality.
  - Make your faith a focus in your life.
2. This leads to another how – focus on your thoughts.
  - A book I read recently stated that rock is sculpted one chip at a time. Concrete is poured then molded. People are formed one thought at a time.
  - I hope the daily affirmations example shows the power in our thoughts.
  - Guard every thought. Any time a judgmental or unkind thought enters your mind, remove it. Remove impatience. Remove anger. It is possible. Our thoughts are ours to control. Once you control the negative thoughts, move to loving thoughts. Keeping your thoughts focused on God and Jesus Christ as much as possible will help.
  - Matthew 22:37-39 “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.”
3. The third thing that has helped me is to study the scriptures with a purpose.
  - I have a close friend who is not a member of this church. He has read the Book of Mormon multiple times and doesn’t believe it’s divinely inspired. He believes it was written by a man and not translated by a prophet of God. I’ve read the Book of Mormon every day for 4 years alongside an online commentary noting every time I find something from Hugh Nibley or some other LDS scholar that can’t be explained by an uneducated farm boy writing the Book of Mormon. The note in my phone now includes well over 100 notes that can’t be explained by an ignorant farm boy writing the Book of Mormon. Each day I’m excited to find another unexplainable feature of the Book of Mormon. That strategy has worked for me. But I invite you to think about something that can make you interested and excited to read a little scripture each day. By the way, if you’re interested in seeing my list of “proofs” I would love to share them. It strengthens my testimony of this work and of the love Jesus Christ has for us in providing these “proofs” of the divine nature of the Book of Mormon to those who seek them.
4. A fourth, and to me personally, the most important thing that has helped me with my faith is to feel the atonement of Jesus Christ.
  - Can you feel your love and appreciation for Christ and His gospel? Really feel it, inside of you. Feel the emotion of it. For some, your conversion moment may be so long ago that you haven’t thought about it in a long time. Remember what it was like to realize this was true. Think about the comfort it brought you. Remember the feeling of knowing that Christ died for you, and He allowed you all this. Family, love, peace, eternity: It’s because of Him. Close your eyes. Remember that moment. Feel that moment. Do that often.
  - The best time to feel this appreciation for Jesus Christ is during the sacrament, it’s why we partake of the sacrament – to remember Him.
  - You need to feel, truly feel, what Christ has done for you. I’ve had more of a challenge doing this during the sacrament since my daughter Ivy entered my life. Sometimes I miss the quiet time of closing my eyes and thinking about what Christ did for me that day 2000 years ago. But then recently I’ve found an amazing substitute. During the sacrament I’ve found it extremely beneficial to stare at my daughter. I think about not only what Christ did for me, but I remember that He gave her to me, He saved her, and He allows her to be mine forever. If you aren’t brought to the verge of tears every so often when you partake of the sacrament or think about what Christ did for you, you NEED to think about it more. Focus on it and feel it.
  - We’ll be taking the sacrament in a few minutes. I invite you to focus on Christ. Think where you’d be without Him. Think about what He’s done for you eternally. Eternal glory, forgiveness, love, peace for ALL eternity. Have you thought about the word eternity? Forever. That’s what He’s given you. Feel it in your heart and thank Him with all your might, mind, and strength.
5. The fifth important part of my faith has been to repent daily. There is always something to repent for, no matter how good we think we are, we always fall short, and that’s ok. Because of Him.
That concludes my how’s of developing and strengthening faith daily, but I hope you can search out your own.

Why?

The last thing I’d like to talk about is the why. Why do we need to develop more faith? Why does our faith matter?

When this work truly touches your heart, what do you do?

In a book called Faith in the Service of about members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the armed forces, a U.S. Air Force Chaplain gave the simple quote: “I am a convert to the gospel, and I am indebted to the missionaries who saved me spiritually.”

Do you consider your membership of this church being spiritually saved?

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland when speaking of the Apostle John’s great desire to remain on the earth said:

“The Apostle John asked the Lord if he, John, might remain on the earth beyond the normal span of life for no other purpose than to bring more souls unto God. In granting that wish, the Savior said that this was ‘a greater work’ and a nobler ‘desire’ even than that of desiring to come into the presence of the Lord ‘speedily.’”

From the book Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, “Like all prophets and apostles, the Prophet Joseph Smith understood the deep meaning of John’s request when he said, ‘After all that has been said, [our] greatest and most important duty is to preach the Gospel.’”

I’ll ask again the question; do you consider your membership to this church as being spiritually and eternally saved? You have been saved by Christ. Then save others. If you saw someone on the roadside bruised and bleeding, would you help them? And yet we’re surrounded by masses of people missing what we have. They’re not physically bruised and bleeding. Worse, they’re spiritually bruised and bleeding. Reach out, share your faith, love, serve, share a Book of Mormon, have a real conversation, invite to church, invite to an activity. Many people don’t want to be saved because they don’t know they’re drowning. That’s fine. You still cast out a life jacket. The world is lonely, the world is sad, the world is divisive, the world is angry, the world is hurt. And we have Jesus Christ in our lives. To whom much is given much is expected. And we, us, you, here in this room, you have been given as much or more than most individuals in all of human history. Think about that for a moment. Billions and billions of God’s children and you live now, in Arizona, in the United States, in a free country, with the saving ordinances of Jesus Christ in your life. You live with a knowledge of God as your father, you live in the dispensation of all times, the fullness, You are peaceful, you are happy. Many of us are prosperous spiritually as well as physically. And more important than all the physical benefits of our existence – you know where you come from, why you’re here, and where you’re going. To whom much is given. Has anyone ever been so blessed as us in this room?

When we feel how truly blessed we are, when this gospel and the love of Jesus Christ touches your heart, what do you do next? You share it.

Don’t be discouraged by the world we live in today. Even Christ was rejected by many. Many are called and few are chosen could also apply to the masses that don’t want to come unto Christ. It is still our sacred duty and loving responsibility to share it.

I hope that we can strengthen our faith in Christ through righteous habits. Make it a conscious decision. Guard our thoughts. Study with purpose. Feel the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Repent daily. These have helped me. I hope we all can find our own ways to show more faith in Jesus Christ. And when we do, and our faith is strengthened, strengthen others.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
June 2, 2022
Beth’s Talk on Mosiah 3:19 (January)

This is a talk, exactly as written, by Beth, that she gave in church in January. She rehearsed the talk verbally to me multiple times before I heard it in church. Of course, through hearing it I knew it was a great talk, but it wasn’t until proofreading and preparing to post this that I was struck by how phenomenal a talk this really was. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as much as I did. And now, Beth –

Mosiah 3:19 Talk
January 9, 2022
Good morning brothers and sisters.
I wanted to start by introducing my family as we are one of the families that were blended into this ward with the recent changes in the stake. My name is Elisabeth Quackenbush. My husband is Brayden Quackenbush. We met in the Scottsdale Young Single Adult Ward in 2017 and have been married for over 2 years. We have a one year old daughter named Ivy. You’ll see her running around Sunday School for another 5 months but she is very excited to start nursery after that.

The topic I was given to speak on this morning is the scripture Mosiah 3:19. When I was informed this was my assignment I wasn’t really surprised. This scripture comes into my mind a lot and is brought up in conversations about life all the time when I’m chatting with my husband. I think it sticks in my mind because it stands in such contrast to a lot of the attitudes of the world these days.

For those of you that memorized scripture mastery back in the day you may remember this scripture, but as a reminder, this scripture is King Benjamin speaking to his people in the Book of Mormon. It reads,

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

When we break down this verse, we can derive meaning in a variety of ways. The first that I noted is that the natural man is inherently selfish. The second is the importance of change to the Eternal Plan of Happiness.

Boyd K Packer stated in his 1990 talk, “Put Off the Natural Man, and Come Off
Conqueror”:
“Unchecked selfishness [of the natural man] stubbornly blocks the way for developing all of the divine qualities: love, mercy, patience, long-suffering, kindness, graciousness, goodness, and gentleness. Any tender sprouts from these virtues are sheared off by sharp selfishness. Contrariwise, I cannot think of a single gospel covenant the keeping of which does not shear off selfishness from us.”

Through the influence of the Holy Ghost, and the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can and should change from the narrow focus of the natural man and become, “submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, and willing to submit to the will of God.”

This idea of our ability and strength to change stands in stark contrast to the pervasive attitude of our society. This attitude states that we are born a certain way. We can’t change, and even shouldn’t want to change. If we do change, we are inauthentic. On the surface, this has a false sense of empowerment, I think. However, this idea that change is bad and that we must only be one way for the rest of our life is truly limiting, almost an eternal purgatory of mediocrity. Compare this to the freedom and growth permitted to us through Jesus Christ’s suffering, that we may improve and become like our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.

My husband and I have had the opportunity to have many deep, religious
conversations with friends of a variety of backgrounds. We often come across
criticism of our faith’s belief that we can take steps, including repentance, baptism, and participating in temple ordinances, to change and become like God. We are accused of valuing works and forgetting the grace provided through Jesus Christ. On the contrary… His grace is the key element that permits us TO become new beings.

In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we read, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new
creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

Brad Wilcox does a beautiful job in his BYU talk, “His Grace is Sufficient” at outlining how the Atonement of Jesus Christ, through His death and resurrection, provides us the need to change… (forgive me for this lengthy quote but as many of you know, this talk is incredible…)

“[Yes, we are saved by Grace but] Have you been changed by grace? [We] are so excited about being saved that we are not thinking enough about what comes next. We are so happy the debt is paid that we may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for.

“A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ’s life. While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us,
Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.

“As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly. The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed.“

Again, just think for a minute… how does that compare to what we are being taught by the world? I can’t change, I shouldn’t change…

HOW DO WE PUT OFF THE NATURAL MAN AND BECOME LIKE CHRIST?

We can actively seek this positive change…

In her 1998 BYU Speech, Wendy Watson, now well known as Wendy Nelson, lists some ways. One is reflection. She notes how Alma directs this type of reflection:

“Just how does Alma invite these change-inducing reflections? One way is through his use of questions. In Alma 5 alone, more than 40 questions are offered—questions like:
‘Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? . . .
. . . If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?‘ [Alma 5:14, 26]. Through the process of persistent questioning, Alma invites us to reflect over and over again: on our status with the Lord, on our spiritual growth and development, on things that need to change or have changed—and before we know it our desire for more change increases.”

Another idea is to listen to the uplifting voices of authority in your life remembering, “As helpful as human voices of authority are, none can or should replace the ultimate voice of authority—the Word himself: the Savior Jesus Christ. What are you doing to hear his voice in your life? What are you doing to establish his voice as the voice of authority for you?”

Other ways we can develop this change to become more like Him… Consistently and earnestly repent, seek out holy places, take steps of faith, pray to Him daily.”

Sometimes change finds us…whether it be through loss, grief, depression, or trials in life, change is often thrust upon us in this mortal life. Again, the world finds few answers as to why there is such suffering and grief in the world. His eternal plan of growth and development is sometimes the only answer that makes sense. If we are to become like Christ, our innocent brother that felt all the sufferings of the world, how can we expect to be truly changed without some suffering of our own?

Peter in speaking of [trials], said: “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

When we endure this life, put off the natural man, and develop into more Christ-like beings, we set ourselves up to feel an even greater degree of joy in this life and in eternity.

This topic makes me think of a time when I came back to church after living a life that was not in line with what I knew to be right. I made many positive changes when I started coming back and attending the Scottsdale Young Single Adult ward. I starting observing the sabbath day, stopped a lifestyle of college partying, broke off a serious relationship, and made several other difficult but important decisions.

However, with all this positive change and shunning of the enticings of the natural man, I still felt like I wasn’t receiving the blessings I thought I would. I wallowed in self pity over my own suffering for a while because of this and even wondered if all of my change was for nothing.

However, I eventually decided I would stop focusing on what I needed and instead turned outward. I made it my mission to seek anyone in my ward that seemed lonely as I was. I sought opportunities to serve those that were also going through a variety of trials. And a miracle happened! The less I focused on my pain, my loneliness, my loss, and focused on loving those around me as Christ did, I really came to find true joy.

I couldn’t believe how sincerely I loved everyone around me. I didn’t feel lonely. I developed new, Christ-like attributes. And ultimately, I shunned the ultimate trait of the natural man – selfishness. What a blessing that lesson was for my life.

I know how hard it can be to put off the feelings we have as humans in a difficult mortal journey. It is something we will actively have to work for as long as we live. However, I know that when we let ourselves change and take on the characteristics of Christ we will prepare ourselves to find real joy in eternity. We will truly have cause to rejoice in his second coming.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

April 21, 2022
The Grinch and Jesus Christ

One of my all-time favorite movies is The Grinch starring Jim Carrey from the year 2000. Most members of my family can quote almost every word. My dad is on the record saying he has seen it at least 300 times.

It’s a phenomenal movie.

Recently Beth was out shopping and she mentioned how crazy it was out there. This led my mind, naturally, down the path of thinking how cunning Satan is.

If you haven’t seen The Grinch film, or need a refresher on the classic Dr. Seuss tale, here’s a quick summary –

Cindy Lou Who

Whoville loves Christmas. The Whos go all out – decorations, presents, celebrations. Our loveable character Cindy Lou Who wonders, “what is Christmas all about?” In the great words of Cindy Lou Who, “doesn’t this seem…superfluous?” I couldn’t have said it better myself Cindy Lou.

Our antagonist in the classic tale is the Grinch who HATES Christmas. “Ardvarkian, Abacadnezer Who, I, HATE YOU!” (I had to look that one up, can’t ever remember good ‘ol Ardvarkian’s name). If you haven’t seen the film, I just lost you, let me get back on track. We learn, ultimately, that it isn’t Christmas that the Grinch hates. It’s really the hypocritical, showy nature of it. He hates what Christmas has become.

Which leads me to my spiritual thought – shouldn’t we all, or at least any believers in Christ, hate what Christmas has become?

I write this as a hypocrite.

I’m not a big fan of gifts. That said, I’m not out there in the Christmas season doing what actually matters either. Volunteering at a food bank, helping a neighbor, serving, donating, volunteering, loving, doing the things Christ did while He was here. That’s what Christmas is about. How quickly we all get wrapped up in gifts, and parties, and gatherings, and decorations, and traditions, at the expense of what it’s all really about.

Love.

Family.

Service.

Charity.

Giving.

That’s what it’s about.

So, please, next time you’re bustling about buying gifts and stressing about Christmas; let’s all, please, take a moment. Let’s stop. Let’s remember what it’s all really about.

It’s about Christ, and all He represents.

Light the World

https://fb.watch/9XuyWb32Dr/

December 16, 2021
What is the Power of Faith?

What is the power of faith?

Well, by it the worlds were made so… what can our faith do?

I’ve written about a miracle I saw happen in my post Miracle Baptisms.

I was once told a story that strengthened my faith and taught me something about the power of faith. By the way, this is a true story, not made up. If you don’t believe me, have faith.

The story goes like this…

There was a guy attending ASU. His parents planned a big cruise vacation over the winter break. This guy had been praying and looking for an opportunity to share the gospel with someone. Who? He didn’t know, just someone. He had made a commitment to baptize a friend before the end of winter break.

When his parents told him about the plans for the cruise he declined. His parents were shocked. “Why??? We’re going on a family cruise!” He explained he already had plans.

“What plans?!” They asked. “What could be more important than our family cruise?”

“I’ll be baptizing a friend at that time,” was his response.

Oh… they thought. Well, that is important. They asked who the friend was. He told them he didn’t know, yet.

Let’s break this down. Here was a cruise. It existed. It was paid for. It was happening. It was a guarantee.

This guy, though, had another guarantee. He had a commitment. He would be baptizing someone at that time.

Soon after the conversation with his parents (aka the testing of his faith) he was sitting outside on campus reading the Book of Mormon. An acquaintance from class walked by and asked what he was reading. A few weeks later our hero was baptizing this friend at the precise time his family was on their cruise.

Some would say the cruise was a sure thing and the baptism was not. The baptism was a pipe dream, a shot in the dark. It was unlikely to happen.

What role did faith play in this story?

Obviously, faith was everything.

Soon after declining a sure thing, an all-expense paid cruise vacation, the interaction happened.

While this guy could have been on a cruise, he was doing something vastly more important, baptizing a friend.

What is a cruise when compared to the eternal salvation of a soul, of one of God’s children?

I don’t know the rest of the story. I don’t know what happened with the individual that was baptized. My faith tells something special happened. What if this individual joined the Church of Jesus Christ and devoted himself to it? What if he went on a mission? What if he baptizes five individuals on his mission and shares the Gospel of Jesus Christ with countless others? What if he marries in the temple and has five children? What if those children are raised to worship Christ and bear testimony of Him throughout their lives?

Fact – that cruise turned into one baptism.

Faith – that one baptism turned into thousands hearing of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and coming closer to their Savior.

Where does faith end and fact start? – That’s up to us.

“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

“And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!”
Doctrine and Covenants 18:15

June 17, 2021
First year of marriage during a pandemic-oh my!

Beth and I have been married for 15 months. If you’re doing the math, you’re realizing that our first 12 months of marriage included 3 months of quarantine. It seems silly for someone married 15 months to give marriage advice. But I’ll remind you, we’ve survived the great pandemic and quarantine period of 2020! I’d like to write some things I learned in the first year of marriage.

First let me comment on the pandemic. While being stuck with someone and quarantined with them for 6 months may be miserable for some, it’s made me realize how lucky I am to have a wife I love to be around. Beth and I have joked about how quarantine has been quite a blessing for us. We basically haven’t left each other’s side for 6 months. It’s crazy to think about. What’s even crazier is I love it. It’s given me a chance to appreciate her, talk with her, and be with her. We went through a stretch when the weather was nice where we were biking almost every day. That was great. As the heat set in, we transitioned into conversations and TV series together. It’s been nice.

It hasn’t been all roses and bliss. While we rarely fight, there are still frustrations. I’ll mention one (and don’t worry, this will be proofread by Beth before I post it).

Early on in our marriage I noticed a frustration setting in. If I cleaned a bathroom, or did laundry, or vacuumed the living room I would find myself resenting her. I would wonder why she didn’t help or do this or that.

I was letting this frustration build when I turned to someone for advice. This wise advice giver presented me with thoughts that completely turned around my way of thinking. He said that when he got married (39 years ago, congrats!) he was given some advice that he took to heart. He said he struggled with something similar early in marriage where he would fold the laundry and then expect his wife to do something in return. Someone explained to him that you don’t fold the laundry to keep a leg up or hold something over on your wife. You fold the laundry because you love your wife and you want to do it for her and yourself, without any thought of repayment.

My advice giver talked about the Savior and how He is our greatest example. He reminded me Jesus Christ never did anything with any hope of getting something in return. Christ served only to serve. He reminded me we’re here to become like Christ. Folding the laundry or doing the dishes, with zero expectations of getting something back, was our small way of becoming like Christ.

It hit me how dumb I’d been. Here I was doing good stuff like picking up around the house but doing it without good intentions. I was essentially nullifying my “good deed.” I was reminded we don’t serve to get pats on the back, we serve because we love. It reminded of the advice of our bishop, Bishop Nelson, when Beth and I met with him before getting married. He said, “If you always do whatever you can to make the other person happy, you will always have a happy marriage.” I’ve realized how difficult that is in practice, but how rewarding it is to try to live thinking about Beth first.

I realized after this advice that I’d really let some negative feelings set into my heart. Looking back, I think it would have been a short skip and a jump to negative feelings turning into resentment, resentment turning into animosity, and animosity turning into a really unhappy home. I’m extraordinarily grateful to two wise advice givers that helped me be a *slightly better husband early on.

Let me be clear about something. I am far from a perfect or I’d say even a decent husband at this point. While Beth is the epitome of love and kindness, I know my tendency to be stoic and un-affectionate. I am lucky to be married to someone who understands my flaws. I’ve mentioned some of the patience I’ve developed but I’m well aware of Beth’s out of this world patience with me. I know I am not easy to live with and I feel so lucky to have her.

Since I received the advice, I can say my heart has changed. Every once in a while, if I’m vacuuming, I’ll get an inkling of frustration. I have to stop myself and remember. Am I vacuuming so I’m owed something? No. I’m vacuuming because I want to clean up and I love my wife. She does so much around the house and does so much for me. There’s no keeping score. Truth is I’m lucky we don’t keep score, or I’d probably be losing.

The moral of the story I learned is we control how we feel. We can control our thoughts and our emotions- especially frustration. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible. It’s what we’re here to learn. We’re here to learn patience and love. I’m still working on being a more loving husband and look forward to the years where Beth teaches me how to be more loving.

I see a sad trend in our society and the world today. We give up too easy. Love and marriage aren’t easy. If it was easy it wouldn’t be rewarding. We’re in a world that has decided if things are difficult, they’re not worth it. It makes me sad. Committing to marriage should be the most serious commitment of our life. Too many people give up too quickly. It’s sad and I wish it wasn’t that way.

I know that my marriage will end up being the greatest catalyst to my growth in this life. From my marriage I will soon be blessed with a daughter which will also provide vast opportunities to mature in many qualities. I’m grateful for my marriage. I’m grateful that my marriage is for eternity. I can’t imagine vacuuming all these floors and taking out all this trash just to have this marriage end when I die. I’m earning brownie points for eternity 😉. (Just kidding! Were you paying attention? No brownie points!)

I’ll conclude with a great quote. The quote comes from Jenkin Lloyd Jones and has famously been quoted by Gordon B. Hinckley. I share it because I think it’s important to remember, especially when marriage becomes difficult.

“There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks, to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and ravishing wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear, the divorce courts are jammed.

Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .

Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

September 10, 2020