No Coincidences

Tag: sins

  • This is Repentance

    This is Repentance

    Sometimes I struggle with the idea that my sins have been made completely white through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, that I’m completely forgiven for everything I’ve done.

    I know this disrespects the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that’s part of my biggest struggle. The last thing I ever want to do is belittle what Christ did for me.

    The thing is, sometimes I still dwell on my past sins. Sometimes I still think about them. Sometimes I still feel remorse and guilt. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve paid the full penitence to those I hurt. Have my sins been washed away? Are they completely gone if I still remember them?

    I rationalize this, and I believe it’s true, that I remember them for my benefit. I have to remember them or I might return to them. It’s the remembrance of guilt that keeps me from wanting to go back to being that person.

    I understand this intellectually.

    Still, sometimes it’s hard for me to understand how Christ can have forgotten my sins, washed them away as if they never happened, when I can’t forget them myself.

    The young men I work with and I recently studied Isaiah chapter 1.

    Isaiah 1:18 reads:

    “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

    After reading that I emphatically emphasized something to those young boys. What I emphasized was this:

    “When you truly repent, and show remorse, and try your absolute hardest to not do it again, Christ forgives and forgets your sins. Period. White as snow. It’s as if they never happened. Don’t be deceived. Satan will have you believe you can never be forgiven for a mistake. This is the great lie. You can be forgiven. If you repent, Christ will forgive. Not only that, He won’t even remember it. It’s like it never happened. I can’t stress this enough.”

    That’s what I said to my young men, and I believe it’s true.

    But… do I believe it’s true?

    Given what I just wrote?

    I had a thought today for the first time ever. I often think about the time of judgement. That time when we stand before Christ and have our life reviews. I’ve never feared that moment. The thought that occurred to me today is: why don’t I fear that moment? I have so much to be embarrassed by, so much to be ashamed of in my past behavior. Why haven’t I worried about it before? It occurred to me that one day my wife, Beth, will see how I once was. I’ve tried to tell her, but I don’t think she gets it. Then it occurred to me that my family will see it too. I will be so ashamed! Why haven’t I feared this before?

    Then it hit me.

    Maybe that’s repentance.

    Repentance is knowing – yes, I did those things. Yes, I made many mistakes. But though my skins be scarlet (they are and were) they shall be as white as snow. As I type this, I hold back tears. That’s what Christ has done for me. That’s what repentance is.

    Luke 15:7:

    “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.”

    D&C 18:13:

    “And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!”

    I am that soul. I don’t know how the life review will go. If my sins are forgiven and forgotten, are those parts reviewed? I don’t know. But what I realized was, and why I’ve never feared that moment, is even if all my abhorrent behavior is shown, it will be ok. It will be ok because I changed.

    That thought of Beth seeing how I used to be? It occurred to me that maybe she’ll love me even more after seeing all of it because she’ll see how much I changed. She’ll be able to see the full picture of how far I came to be a semi-decent husband and father.

    I think that’s what repentance is. Knowing that even if all your sins are laid out, you’re still forgiven.

    That’s repentance.

  • A Scripture as important to Latter-day Saints as it would be to the Ancient Jews

    A Scripture as important to Latter-day Saints as it would be to the Ancient Jews

    One of my favorite scriptures of all time is 2 Nephi 25:26 which reads:

    And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophesies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”

    A common criticism that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints receives from other sects of Christianity, often Protestant groups, is that the Church teaches works as a form of salvation taking precedence over faith.

    As I read the Book of Mormon with this criticism in mind, I’m struck by how clearly the Book of Mormon teaches this principle – that faith in Jesus Christ is the most important thing.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is (as far as I know, open to correction) the only church with an explanation on how faith in Jesus Christ alone can result in being saved. 

    Saved, or immortality, is different from Eternal life and salvation.  All of God’s children who choose to be saved, will be saved, for He loves us all.  You can be saved by simply having faith in Jesus Christ, no works needed.  To attain all that the Father has to give, eternal life and salvation in His Kingdom for eternity, you must follow Him, and do what He asks of you.  For without works faith is dead (James 2:26).

    Sometimes I think the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would be benefitted immensely by reading verses 26 and 27 of 2 Nephi chapter 25 every single day.  I think if we each did this, it would help us to re-orient ourselves and never lose sight of what is most important – faith in the Lord, or Savior, Jesus Christ. 

    The below scripture is what I am referring to in the title of this post.  This scripture is as important to latter-day saints today as it was to the ancient Jews:

    Wherefore, we speak concerning the law that our children may know the deadness of the law; and they, by knowing the deadness of the law, may look forward unto that life which is in Christ, and know for what end the law was given. And after the law is fulfilled in Christ, that they need not harden their hearts against him when the law ought to be done away.”

    2 Nephi 25:27

    I believe this scripture to be extremely important to latter-day saints.  The ancient Jews lost sight of Jesus Christ.  They looked to the law for salvation.

    I bear my testimony that I do not believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has lost sight of Jesus Christ.  His name is the name of our church, His prophet has implored us to use His name, our leaders preach of Jesus Christ, prophesy of Jesus Christ, teach of Jesus Christ, emphasize Jesus Christ.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints points us to Jesus Christ.

    It is we, the members, I think, that need to read verse 27 often.  What is the law without Jesus Christ?  I fear that sometimes church members become focused on the wrong things.  Temple attendance for temple attendance’s sake.  Church service because it’s their duty.  Serving in church callings to keep up appearance as a faithful latter-day saint.  Partaking of the sacrament in a rote, mindless manner, not considering what it really means.

    I know I am at fault when it comes to some of the things I’ve just listed.  Sometimes I lose sight of Jesus Christ.  Sometimes I lose sight of what this is all really about.

    I’ve been back in church activity for 5 years now.  My first couple years of returned church activity were so Christ focused.  They were Christ focused because it was all I had.  He was all I had.  He was my strength, and He was everything.  I felt His forgiveness so potently because I’d so recently experienced it with such power.  As my church activity has steadied and become consistent, I’ve found myself relying on church activities, social events, friendships, and making my appearance as a faithful member.  These things aren’t necessarily bad, but they can be.  If they distract from Jesus Christ, they distract from the point.  If I get distracted from Jesus Christ, I am missing the mark.

    What is the law without faith in He who the law points to?

    I think we could all benefit from a consistent study of verse 2 Nephi 25:27.

    Why do we do what we do?  Is it for love?  Is it to serve Jesus Christ?  Is it to remember Jesus Christ, worship Jesus Christ, thank Jesus Christ?

    When is the last time you thought about all your sins and what Jesus Christ did for you at Gethsemane and on the cross?  For me, it’s been far too long since I’ve been brought to tears considering that event.  I’m glad I’m writing this because in doing exactly that, remembering what He’s done for me, and feeling it in my heart, tears are inevitable. 

    Remember why we go to church, the temple, and serve.  It’s for Him.  Not because we have to but because we want to.  Not because it will get us into heaven but because we love Him.  Salvation is through Jesus Christ.  If we go to the temple 5 days a week without Him in mind, we are wasting our time.

    Without Jesus Christ, all of it: temple worship, baptism, sacrament, service; it’s all for naught.  All these things point to Him.  Without Him as our focus all the items listed above are dead works.  

    This is the misconception of other faiths, that we go to the temple to substitute for Jesus Christ.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth.  We go to the temple because of Jesus Christ.

    I think every once in a while, it’s important we re-center our focus and remember what it’s all about.

    I hope and pray that we continue to steadfastly talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ, preach of Christ, prophesy of Christ, and bring others unto Christ, that we always remember to what source we may look for a remission of our sins.

  • Judged

    Heading into my ninth-grade year my family moved.  This resulted in me attending a new ward.  I got a zone variance so I could go to the school I would have gone to if I didn’t move.  I had developed friendships through middle school that I didn’t want to give up.  The funny thing is how quickly those friendships dissolved.  Not because of falling out or anything dramatic, just growing up and growing apart.  I played basketball and that became my friend group.

    My new ward had a few guys my age.  From day one, I don’t think I ever felt like I completely belonged.  They had been friends their whole lives and I was new.  On top of that, we had no similar interests.  For example, I played sports; they played video games, and that sort of thing.

    I’ve looked back and thought a lot about those years.  During my time in that ward I started to drift further and further away.  It got to the point that I just felt unwelcome.  Back then, being a popular basketball player at my high school was more important than anything. I looked down on this group of friends that I never belonged to.  As I got a girlfriend, I started to think I was cool.  As I started to make serious mistakes, I started to think I was better than them because I was experiencing the world and I thought I was more mature.

    Then I started to feel judged by them.  I started to feel ostracized.  I still remember meeting with my bishop at the time.  He was the father of one of those friends in the group.  He was a young, kind man.  He was easy to get along with and a good guy.  I remember telling him I wasn’t worthy to bless the sacrament.  I couldn’t help but feel that he’d told his son, who’d told his friends, and the ostracizing got worse. 

    Over time, that feeling festered.  I didn’t think about it too intensely, but I had this idea that they all knew and they all judged me for it.  In hindsight, that bishop was a great guy and there’s very little chance he ever told his son anything about my transgressions.  He may have told his son to look out for me or to help me. That could have made his son think some things.  I strongly doubt he told him anything about my mistakes.  Yet, over time, this thought became something I assumed was true.

    Now I look back on these days with a much different perspective.  Something I’ve come to realize is that I was never judged by that group of friends.  They tried to welcome me and they tried to make me a member of their group.  Any judgment I felt was my own.

    It’s been a long journey to get to this point.  To come to the realization that I was the one ostracizing myself.  I was the one judging myself.  I didn’t feel welcome because I was making myself unwelcome.  It wasn’t something I realized until I looked back. Many years later I was able to see it, after some growth and real maturing. 

    What helped me come to this realization was reading the story of Cain and Abel.  The scriptures say that Cain loved Satan more than God.  Satan tricked Cain and misled him.  That’s what happened to me those many years ago. Satan tricked and misled me.  He led me to believe these good, kind, friendly individuals didn’t like me.  I allowed my pride to make me think I was better than them.  Satan promoted that thinking.  Satan led me to be mindful of the world and I followed along.

    It was only through the grace of Jesus Christ and His atonement that I was able to come away from that part of my life with an understanding of what was actually happening.  I’m grateful that time didn’t foster even more of a feeling of animosity or negativity towards the church.  I’m glad I was always able to separate perceived wrongs and unkindness of individuals from the love of my Savior.  It’s now these years later, because of my Savior, that I’m able to see I was wrong and judging myself.  I learned to love God more than the world.  The atonement of Jesus Christ allowed me to be forgiven for those mistakes I made and also gave me the perspective to see the humble kindness I was always surrounded by.

    I hope everyone out there can separate the people of Christ’s Church, imperfect as we are, from Christ Himself.  Christ loves us so much.  He knows us.  He judges us only with love.  Members of the Church always fall short.  We’re not there yet.  As long as we keep trying, maybe we’ll one day get there.  But for now, I plead for you to remember Christ is perfect, we’re not.  Make sure you have a testimony of Him first.  Everything else will fall in line.

    If anyone has felt judged or would like to share your experience, I’d love to hear it.  Thanks for reading.