Surprisingly I haven’t written about the Chosen yet.
I’m about to finish season 3. I think this is an important TV show.
In this season, there is a moment when Mary is talking to Tamar, a woman from Ethiopia.
Mary voices jealousy towards Tamar for seemingly being able to push her way into the group without any hardships. Mary points out that she needed demons cast from her and to be pulled drunk from a tavern to get to her current place with Jesus. Mary seems to think Tamar is lacking humility due to her lack of trials.
It was at this point that Tamar said something that jumped out at me while I watched:
“Jesus forgave you, but you choose to hold on to it.”
An episode later we get a look into Matthew’s past. Matthew is my favorite character.
We see a flashback to when an old man came to Matthew during Matthew’s time as a tax collector. The man brazenly admits to legally accumulating tons of debt in an effort to help his children. The man will be sentenced to a prison camp because he’ll never be able to pay back the debt. He doesn’t care; he is an old man.
The man then gives Matthew some prayer tassels. They are seemingly worthless, but the meaning of the old prayer tassels was significant to the old man. To him, those tattered tassels were priceless.
The man gives them as a gift to Matthew telling him that one day he may regain his faith and need them. Matthew insists that he will never need those prayer tassels. The man insists.
Matthew held onto those tassels and Mary found them.
When Mary asked about them, Matthew told her the story. He didn’t understand why the man gave this sentimental item to him. Mary explained that the old man wasn’t giving some prayer tassels to Matthew, he was giving his faith to Matthew.
Matthew’s response:
“Why would he do that for someone like me?”
Mary then told a story about a time she was going to kill herself. The only thing that stopped her was a dove. She saw it in the distance and took it as a sign that she shouldn’t do what she was considering.
She told Matthew that man who gave away his prayer tassels was Matthew’s dove.
These scenes from this powerful show gave me a lot to ponder.
I often feel like Mary and Matthew.
“Jesus forgave you, but you choose to hold onto it.”
“Why would he do that for someone like me?”
I pondered on whether I’m holding onto anything. Are you?
The second question is a question I ask myself often. Why would God do this for someone like me? Why did Christ suffer, for me?
Sometimes I think I’m like Mary, holding onto guilt that Christ no longer wants me to hold. That said, I have an interesting relationship with my guilt. I don’t dwell on it. I think a lot of it has left me. Still, sometimes I think I feel unworthy.
We all hold onto things we should let go, becuase Christ already forgave us.
We are surrounded by doves, those people that see our potential. We can always be the dove to someone else when they feel like they’re coming up short.
We all feel unworthy sometimes, even though those around us see our potential. And God always sees our potential.
“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.”
Think about that statement for a moment.
I heard this quote in a recent meditation I did. The meditation guided this visual exercise: Picture yourself as a child, truly picture it. Picture yourself as a baby. Picture yourself on someone’s lap. Picture yourself being held, comforted, and played with. Picture yourself laughing joyfully as someone makes a funny face at you. Picture yourself young and innocent.
You don’t have to earn worthiness; you don’t have to earn love. You are loved because you are.
The next time you don’t feel worthy, picture yourself as a child. You are worthy.
This exercise led me to an even more powerful thought. One that speaks not only to our worthiness here, but to our birthright and our eternal potential.
Consider Adam for a moment, the first man. When he came to this earth, we are told he was as a child. Adam came to earth meek and humble, a child-like individual. He had forgotten who he was. Who he was in reality was Michael the archangel, the chief angel. Adam was Michael, the angel second in authority. His authority was only exceeded by Jesus Christ Himself (and God, of course). In Hebrew the name Michael means “Who is like God.” This Michael came to earth with his mind wiped clean, with no recollection of his prior authority, no memory of his prior self.
What about us? What don’t we remember about ourselves?
The next time you are insecure, unsure, or afraid, remember that you are a child of divine inheritance. You are a prince or princess of the most High God. Consider that for a moment.
Not only are you loved and worthy of love, you are loved by the God of the universe. You are in line to inherit all He has to offer (D&C 84:38). Remember that, and don’t forget it. Hold to it.
We are as children here. We don’t remember our past. For all we know, we were spiritual giants. We are spiritual giants. We can be spiritual giants. Embrace that identity. Remember who you might be. Remember who it is you have been tutored by. The God of Heaven and Earth. When we embrace this way of thinking and embrace this possibility, the difficult things of this earth become so inconsequential. Our true potential is greatness. May we never forget it.
My favorite calling I’ve ever had was Ward Mission Leader. For those who don’t know, I basically helped the full-time missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in any way I could. Getting to be around missionaries has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. There’s something powerful about being around young men and women that have sacrificed two years in the prime of their life to serve and share about Jesus Christ.
I’ve always loved stories of faith; stories of miracles that occur when full faith and devotion is given to something important. I want to share one of my favorite stories from my time as Ward Mission Leader.
Missionaries do a lot of amazing things; a lot more than just baptize. Simply teaching others about Christ is important. Serving and loving others is important. Being a representative of Jesus Christ is important.
That said, the reason missionaries devote two full years to a mission is the hope to share with someone the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, have it touch that person’s heart, see that person change their life for Christ, and ultimately that person making the decision to be baptized. Like I said, many amazing things can happen before a baptism. But, the decision to be baptized and the blessings that come after are the ultimate goal.
It was for that reason that I decided to set a high bar on a goal as my time as Ward Mission Leader was coming to an end. I was marrying Beth on 6/1/19. At that point I would change wards, the building and group I’d been going to since returning to church, and no longer have the calling of Ward Mission Leader. My greatest hope was that the missionary efforts we had developed as a ward could be continued after I left.
I set a goal in May for there to be three baptisms in the ward in the month of June. For some perspective, in the previous year our ward had two baptisms.
I started fasting and praying. I announced in a stake missionary correlation meeting that the Scottsdale YSA Ward would have 3 baptisms in June.
“That’s awesome! You have three people on date to be baptized?” I was asked.
My response, “No, we don’t have anybody on date.”
The goal was set nonetheless. I had faith that if the missionaries and myself fasted and prayed our hearts out, and did our part, a miracle would happen.
As the month of May progressed things started happening. There were some individuals the missionaries had been meeting with and teaching about the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. There were two in particular that had been meeting with the missionaries regularly.
As we continued to pray with this singular focus in our hearts, one of those individuals committed to being baptized on 6/29. This was amazing!
There was a second person who wanted to be baptized but there was something getting in the way. It was a frustration of mine at the time because that person was worthy to be baptized but a technical requirement wasn’t met. Her living situation caused a problem. Again, fully worthy, but unable to get baptized until her living situation was changed.
On 5/25 it was time to call in faith reinforcements. Up to that point it had been the missionaries, Beth, a couple others, and myself committing our faith to this goal.
I wrote this as a reminder for myself on 5/25:
“I sent a text to ward missionary committee asking them to join fast for miracle three baptisms in June. It was kind of hard to send the text. There were moments that I wondered if I should send it and if sending it was right, if I was saying the right thing. I ended up being somewhat bold saying, “The missionaries and a few of us have been praying for something very specific: 3 individuals to be baptized into the Scottsdale ward in June. There’s a lot of faith in this as when we started there wasn’t a single person on date to be baptized. There is now one person who plans to be baptized on June 29th. The missionaries and I are going to fast and pray for these three individuals to be led to us and for our ward to act when the opportunity comes. I invite each of you, if you’d like, to join us in fasting and praying for this tomorrow. I know that there are three people out there that need the gospel of Jesus Christ and are ready to be baptized. With faith, God will lead these people to us if we are ready to act, and if it’s His will and His plan. Thanks everybody! Love each of you.” Four minutes after sending the text, the missionaries texted me and said that the individual whose living situation was in the way had that issue resolved and just set their date to be baptized for June 8th. So much joy.
What was hard about sending that text was I wasn’t sure if what I was asking for was right. I always wanted to ask things of God only if it was His will. While I know God’s children coming closer to Him is His greatest joy, I worried that my intentions weren’t perfectly aligned with his. That was the doubt that came before I sent the text. I decided to send the text because I wanted to faith away my doubts. That is why I was bold. That is why the immediate text from the missionaries brought me instantly to the most profound joy, followed by tears.
It was a miracle.
I won’t go into details about how the miracle for this person took place. What I will say is this. It was a major frustration for me for some time that this person couldn’t be baptized despite having a sincere desire to do so, and being worthy to do so. A sequence of events took place that led to there being no issue with the baptism taking place. I was so grateful that a worthy individual could enter the waters of baptism and align themselves with Jesus Christ.
Another note to myself that I wrote that day so I wouldn’t forget:
Thinking back on (the issue), I was pretty worked up about it but somehow just moved on. I came to a feeling of peace about it that I didn’t even know was happening. But then it worked itself out, or God worked it out, and I look back and realize He spoke peace to my soul. I can almost hear Him, “Peace, my son. Don’t you know my hand is in these things? Don’t you know I will care for my children? Have faith.”
For those anticipating the miracle third baptism in June- it didn’t happen. In fact, the second one was delayed to July 13th. I think that’s wonderful. I think of it as God’s way of reminding me that my faith is far from perfect. I set an arbitrary goal of June and to keep me humble He had the second baptism occur in July and the third didn’t happen. I’m far from truly aligned with His will. We’re far from being able to work all miracles. But God does watch. He does hear. He does care. In that ward, we had two baptisms the previous 12 months. In the 35 days after I left my favorite calling ever, the ward that saved my life, baptized two new members.
One of those members was recently sealed in the temple.
The first person I had the pleasure of seeing baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while I was Ward Mission Leader got married in the temple 5 months after his baptism.
Casper’s Baptism
Beth and I had the greatest pleasure of hosting 3 former missionaries in our home so we could all go to the wedding together. I remember sitting in the temple, waiting for the sealing. Waiting for Casper and Ashlee, two people that had greatly impacted and strengthened my faith, to be sealed to each other for time and all eternity. I was sitting and thinking.
Elder Dotson, one of the missionaries who had the honor of teaching Casper the Gospel, came and sat by me. He told me, “This is why we baptize people. Baptisms and endowments and all the covenants made are important. But this is what it’s all about. Two people getting sealed in the temple. Starting a family that will be together for eternity. This is why we do what we do. This is what it’s all about.”
I wish everyone could know the joy I’ve felt helping someone find what I’ve found. I wish I could share the joy of seeing two people sealed together for eternity. A love never to be separated. It’s the great plan of our loving Heavenly Father and what we’re here to do. Develop faith. Obtain and nurture an eternal family. Return to Him.
I’m so grateful for His Plan and the small part I get to play in it. There is no greater joy.
No Coincidences 