No Coincidences

Tag: young single adult

  • Little Red Mark

    Little Red Mark

    I have a white church shirt with a little red permanent mark on the left cuff.

    A few years ago, in the Young Single Adult (YSA) Ward of my church, there was a young girl that started coming every so often. She had a family ward she more often went to, but every once in a while, would visit the YSA. She had a young son. He was a toddler, probably two years old.

    I was drawn to this girl. I could imagine how difficult it was for her to bring her young son with her to the YSA ward, a place full of single people with entirely different life situations. I could imagine how she felt judged and out of place. I could relate to how she felt. I’d been her a short year or two before. 

    At the time, I was the Sunday School President. That meant that once a month myself and my counselors led a teacher’s council with all the teachers in our ward to discuss how we could be better teachers, and how we could teach in the Savior’s way. 

    Whenever this young girl came to our ward, I would try to get her to stay for second hour and go to Sunday School. That was my job as Sunday School President, after all. More than that, it was my job as a disciple of Jesus Christ. 

    One Sunday I was inviting this girl to go to one of our Sunday School classes. The difference this week was I wouldn’t be going with her. I had my Teacher’s Council. I could tell that she was going to leave if I wasn’t going to attend the class with her. She was clearly worried about how her young child might be a distraction in class. So, I invited her to my teacher’s council. It took some explaining, letting her know it was open to anyone and she was completely welcome. She came to our council that day.

    I don’t remember anything we taught. I don’t remember an enlightening teaching moment or momentous thing learned on how to be a more Christ-like teacher, though I’m sure some of that occurred. I don’t remember it.

    What I do remember is spending time with that girl’s young son. My counselors were leading most of the discussion so I could spend time with him at the white board with markers, letting him play and keeping him occupied. When I did need to get up front and talk for a bit, I brought him with me. I look back at this moment fondly as a parent now with two daughters I’m constantly bringing to the front with me.

    I didn’t care if he was a distraction to the class. Some things are more important.

    That’s the point, right?

    At one point while watching him, he accidentally marked my white shirt with a red marker. I’ve thought about throwing that shirt out. It’s not a huge or extremely noticeable mark, but it’s there, and it is noticeable. I’ve kept that shirt. I wear it often. I use it as a reminder that some things are more important than a marked shirt.

    I sometimes wonder if someone might see that mark on my shirt and think, “how tacky, throw that shirt out, it has a red mark on it.”  Then I think about that young boy, his mother, and what’s more important, and decide it’s worth wearing that marked shirt.

    Reminder to everyone that we all have little red marks on our shirts. Sometimes they’re self-inflicted and sometimes they’re not. It doesn’t matter. The point is to not judge and to love without bounds.

    I recently got to see a young man that young girl was dating enter the waters of baptism. I hadn’t seen her little son in a few years. It’s crazy how quickly a two-year-old becomes an active, thinking, 5-year-old. I said hi to the now five-year-old boy. He, of course, didn’t remember me. But I showed him that mark on my shirt. It’s probably my imagination, but I saw recognition in those eyes. Like, whether or not he actually remembered making that mark (probably not), somehow, he recognized the significance. I felt like his eyes said, “I made that mark, and you kept it?” I told him I kept the shirt to remember him. He smiled.

    That young girl watched a man she had been dating get baptized. They were civilly married and as soon as they were able to, got sealed in God’s temple. They will be sealed in a temple for time and all eternity. That young boy will be sealed to them. Forever. That’s what it’s really all about, right?

  • Miracle Baptisms

    Miracle Baptisms

    My favorite calling I’ve ever had was Ward Mission Leader.  For those who don’t know, I basically helped the full-time missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in any way I could.  Getting to be around missionaries has been one of the greatest blessings in my life.  There’s something powerful about being around young men and women that have sacrificed two years in the prime of their life to serve and share about Jesus Christ.

    I’ve always loved stories of faith;  stories of miracles that occur when full faith and devotion is given to something important.  I want to share one of my favorite stories from my time as Ward Mission Leader.

    Missionaries do a lot of amazing things; a lot more than just baptize.  Simply teaching others about Christ is important.  Serving and loving others is important.  Being a representative of Jesus Christ is important. 

    That said, the reason missionaries devote two full years to a mission is the hope to share with someone the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, have it touch that person’s heart, see that person change their life for Christ, and ultimately that person making the decision to be baptized.  Like I said, many amazing things can happen before a baptism.  But, the decision to be baptized and the blessings that come after are the ultimate goal.

    It was for that reason that I decided to set a high bar on a goal as my time as Ward Mission Leader was coming to an end.  I was marrying Beth on 6/1/19.  At that point I would change wards, the building and group I’d been going to since returning to church, and no longer have the calling of Ward Mission Leader.  My greatest hope was that the missionary efforts we had developed as a ward could be continued after I left.

    I set a goal in May for there to be three baptisms in the ward in the month of June.  For some perspective, in the previous year our ward had two baptisms. 

    I started fasting and praying.  I announced in a stake missionary correlation meeting that the Scottsdale YSA Ward would have 3 baptisms in June.

    “That’s awesome!  You have three people on date to be baptized?”  I was asked.

    My response, “No, we don’t have anybody on date.”

    The goal was set nonetheless.  I had faith that if the missionaries and myself fasted and prayed our hearts out, and did our part, a miracle would happen.

    As the month of May progressed things started happening.  There were some individuals the missionaries had been meeting with and teaching about the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  There were two in particular that had been meeting with the missionaries regularly.

    As we continued to pray with this singular focus in our hearts, one of those individuals committed to being baptized on 6/29.  This was amazing!

    There was a second person who wanted to be baptized but there was something getting in the way.  It was a frustration of mine at the time because that person was worthy to be baptized but a technical requirement wasn’t met.  Her living situation caused a problem.  Again, fully worthy, but unable to get baptized until her living situation was changed.

    On 5/25 it was time to call in faith reinforcements.  Up to that point it had been the missionaries, Beth, a couple others, and myself committing our faith to this goal. 

    I wrote this as a reminder for myself on 5/25:

    “I sent a text to ward missionary committee asking them to join fast for miracle three baptisms in June.  It was kind of hard to send the text.  There were moments that I wondered if I should send it and if sending it was right, if I was saying the right thing.  I ended up being somewhat bold saying, “The missionaries and a few of us have been praying for something very specific: 3 individuals to be baptized into the Scottsdale ward in June.  There’s a lot of faith in this as when we started there wasn’t a single person on date to be baptized.  There is now one person who plans to be baptized on June 29th.  The missionaries and I are going to fast and pray for these three individuals to be led to us and for our ward to act when the opportunity comes.  I invite each of you, if you’d like, to join us in fasting and praying for this tomorrow.  I know that there are three people out there that need the gospel of Jesus Christ and are ready to be baptized.  With faith, God will lead these people to us if we are ready to act, and if it’s His will and His plan.  Thanks everybody!  Love each of you.”  Four minutes after sending the text, the missionaries texted me and said that the individual whose living situation was in the way had that issue resolved and just set their date to be baptized for June 8th. So much joy.

    What was hard about sending that text was I wasn’t sure if what I was asking for was right.  I always wanted to ask things of God only if it was His will.  While I know God’s children coming closer to Him is His greatest joy, I worried that my intentions weren’t perfectly aligned with his.  That was the doubt that came before I sent the text.  I decided to send the text because I wanted to faith away my doubts.  That is why I was bold.  That is why the immediate text from the missionaries brought me instantly to the most profound joy, followed by tears.

    It was a miracle.

    I won’t go into details about how the miracle for this person took place. What I will say is this.  It was a major frustration for me for some time that this person couldn’t be baptized despite having a sincere desire to do so, and being worthy to do so. A sequence of events took place that led to there being no issue with the baptism taking place. I was so grateful that a worthy individual could enter the waters of baptism and align themselves with Jesus Christ.

    Another note to myself that I wrote that day so I wouldn’t forget:

    Thinking back on (the issue), I was pretty worked up about it but somehow just moved on.  I came to a feeling of peace about it that I didn’t even know was happening.  But then it worked itself out, or God worked it out, and I look back and realize He spoke peace to my soul.  I can almost hear Him, “Peace, my son. Don’t you know my hand is in these things?  Don’t you know I will care for my children?  Have faith.”

    For those anticipating the miracle third baptism in June- it didn’t happen.  In fact, the second one was delayed to July 13th.  I think that’s wonderful.  I think of it as God’s way of reminding me that my faith is far from perfect.  I set an arbitrary goal of June and to keep me humble He had the second baptism occur in July and the third didn’t happen.  I’m far from truly aligned with His will.  We’re far from being able to work all miracles.  But God does watch.  He does hear.  He does care.  In that ward, we had two baptisms the previous 12 months.  In the 35 days after I left my favorite calling ever, the ward that saved my life, baptized two new members.

    One of those members was recently sealed in the temple.

    The first person I had the pleasure of seeing baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while I was Ward Mission Leader got married in the temple 5 months after his baptism.

    Casper’s Baptism

    Beth and I had the greatest pleasure of hosting 3 former missionaries in our home so we could all go to the wedding together.  I remember sitting in the temple, waiting for the sealing.  Waiting for Casper and Ashlee, two people that had greatly impacted and strengthened my faith, to be sealed to each other for time and all eternity.  I was sitting and thinking.

    Elder Dotson, one of the missionaries who had the honor of teaching Casper the Gospel, came and sat by me.  He told me, “This is why we baptize people.  Baptisms and endowments and all the covenants made are important.  But this is what it’s all about.  Two people getting sealed in the temple.  Starting a family that will be together for eternity.  This is why we do what we do.  This is what it’s all about.”

    I wish everyone could know the joy I’ve felt helping someone find what I’ve found.  I wish I could share the joy of seeing two people sealed together for eternity.  A love never to be separated.  It’s the great plan of our loving Heavenly Father and what we’re here to do.  Develop faith.  Obtain and nurture an eternal family.  Return to Him.

    I’m so grateful for His Plan and the small part I get to play in it.  There is no greater joy.

  • Listen, Learn, Love

    Listen, Learn, Love

    I recently listened to an episode from a podcast called Listen, Learn Love.  This podcast has opened up my ways of thinking on a few topics.  The episode I listened to recently I basically want to summarize (steal) because the points made are so simple, so well-said, and so true. 

    Here is a link to the website for the podcast if you want to learn more: https://www.listenlearnandlove.org/

    The episode I recently listened to that I’m writing thoughts on here is episode 2 and can be found if you search for podcast “Listen, Learn, and Love.”

    The podcast is hosted by Richard Ostler.  He is a former Young Single Adult Ward Bishop.  He has now done 334 episodes of his podcast which “was created out of the desire to better understand our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters.  We believe in God and in His decree to love one another.” – from the mission statement on the website. 

    Episode 2 does not focus on the LGBTQ+ topic which I feel is an extremely important topic in the church.  Still, this episode is also important and I learned a lot from it.

    The topic was faith-crisis.  Whether minor or major, any faith crisis is difficult to go through.  When I was returning to church my uncle said something that has stuck with me.  He said he wouldn’t wish the losing of faith on his worst enemy.  You can lose cars, homes, family, money, everything in this world, but losing your faith is the hardest thing that a person can possibly go through.

    As I continue to write I will be presenting many ideas that came directly from Brother Ostler.  Please listen to the episode.  For ease of writing, I won’t reference Brother Ostler in everything I’ll continue to say. Just know most of these thoughts came directly from him, and I hope to re-state them without taking too much away from them.

    In my writing, I often refer to “The Church.” When I say this I am referring to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Something I’d never considered is how important it is to clarify what we mean when we say, “The Church.” The Latter-day Saint Church could mean different things to different people.

    A couple categories for “The Church” are

    1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
      • This was described beautifully by Brother Ostler as a pristine, clear-watered pool.  No murkiness.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect in every way. This hasn’t been completely revealed yet.
    2. The restored Church of Jesus Christ.
      • It has the restored priesthood and priesthood keys. Ideally, this would be perfect.  I think we sometimes confuse this category with the next category I’ll mention.  The restored Church of Jesus Christ should be perfect.  The problem is, as we know, Christ must use fallible men and women to run His church.
    3. The institutional church.
      • This is where we get into a flawed organization. The institutional church has many people, programs, and policies that are meant to implement the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The institutional church is run by men and women and therefore has flaws.  Christ guides the institutional church, but people make mistakes. Brother Ostler points out in the podcast that as a YSA Bishop he was a part of the institutional church and he knew he made mistakes as a Bishop, a leader in the church.

    Much of the hurt that comes into the souls of God’s children is caused by the institutional church.  It is critical to not confuse “The Church” the institution with the pure and perfect Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    A faith crisis is a serious event that can happen to anybody. You can’t always read and pray a faith crisis away.  We are here to develop faith and while here our faith will be tested.  Sometimes to the very brink.  It’s important to get our roots in the correct place.  Is your faith in a bishop?  It shouldn’t be, it should be in Jesus Christ.  The best bishop in the world can let you down.  Jesus Christ can not.

    The fourth article of faith: “We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the gospel are: FIRST, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

    The Articles of Faith can be read here.  I invite everyone to read and focus on the first four articles of faith in the Restored Church of Jesus Christ.  You’ll notice not only is Jesus Christ’s name in the name of the Church, but that He is referenced three times in the first four articles. 

    Our foundation must be on Christ.

    Brother Ostler talked about the Policy Statement of 2015 and how it created a “mini faith crisis” for him.  These were changes made by the institutional church and have since been reversed.  He talked about how difficult that was for him, personally.  He is not the first person I’ve heard that was impacted in a sad, difficult way by those changes.  He emphasized that the brethren (leaders of the church) were doing their best.  Brother Ostler referred to dominoes, and how the policy statements started to make dominoes fall in his faith.  What saved Brother Ostler’s faith was that all his dominoes didn’t fall.  As he stated so perfectly, some of his dominoes had roots to the center of the earth and couldn’t be shaken.  He referenced Jesus Christ, priesthood blessings, and temples as the foundation of his faith.

    The 2015 Policy Statement is a good example of what separates the institutional church from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The institutional church can and does make mistakes. Jesus Christ does not reverse. Jesus Christ does not change.

    We must change the way we discuss faith crises.  There are too many people who leave the church because they don’t feel heard.  The idea that you can read or pray away a faith crisis is inaccurate and often leads individuals to feel like the “Church” is avoiding their concerns.  We have to listen, as the Savior did, to those with concerns.  Ask questions.  Having a faith crisis does not mean someone is sinning.  It can mean that, but it doesn’t always.  Brother Ostler is a perfect example.  His self-described “mini faith crisis” came while he was a YSA bishop spending dozens of hours each week in service to others.  He was reading, praying, and serving as much as anyone could at that time.  Imagine telling a bishop he needs to pray more, or read more, or do more to fix your problem.  One could rightfully be turned off by this suggestion.

    We must stop considering a faith crisis as a dirty topic that we must avoid.  Thousands are having one at this moment.  Those with unshaken faith must support and lift those who have a hard time. We must address questions head on and strengthen our faith together. We must strengthen each other. We are family. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is meant for everyone. 

    Now I’d like to share some of my personal story.  I returned to church in 2016.  I narrowly missed being an active member of the church when the policy statements came out.  I know this was a hard time for the church.  I know many people left.  I know many people, like Brother Ostler, were shaken by the announcement. 

    I’ve often thought about my faith.  I feel fortunate and blessed to have never experienced a personal faith crisis.  Even in my time away from the church, I never doubted that Jesus Christ died for me.  I never doubted Joseph Smith was a prophet.  I never doubted the restored Church of Jesus Christ.  I never doubted the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  While I was living completely opposite to some of the teachings the church, I still knew it was true.  I know I caused many head scratches from those who witnessed my verbal devotion while clearly ignoring all the precepts of the church.

    I said my faith has always been a blessing to me.  I believe it has.  When I was living opposite to the principles of the gospel it felt like a curse.  I’m sure I will need to answer for that one day.  If I knew it so much to be true, I believe I’ll be more accountable for my behavior.  Maybe that’s what gives me so much faith in Jesus Christ.  I know how important His Atonement is to me personally.  I have too many spots on my garments.  Without Him I am a damned soul. 

    Maybe that’s difficult for others who have never grievously sinned.  It’s easy to appreciate a lifeboat when you’re sinking in the ocean.  What if you’re safe on shore, do you still have the same appreciation for the lifeboat?  I’m not implying those who have lived just, kind, good lives start to finish are in anyway unappreciative of the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for them.  I’m truly amazed by those I see that have been faithful and true for all of their mortal journey.  I can only speak for myself.  I was not true for all of my journey and it makes me worship and love my Savior so intensely. 

    I wonder what would have happened if I was in church in 2015.  Would I have struggled?  Would I have left?

    I don’t know the answer to many questions.

    A book I read recently repeated the idea that we (humanity) know so much; space travel, geography, math, science.  Ask someone to give some thoughts about nature or history and everyone can provide some insight.  Ask someone to provide some thoughts about who they are, and they will struggle.  We often know and understand ourselves least of all the things in the world. I take comfort in knowing there are two individuals who know me infinitely better than I currently know myself.

    I want to give advice to anyone currently in a faith crisis.  Fight.  Don’t lose your faith.  Please.  It’s the most valuable thing on this earth.  You can lose your family, money, cars, your home, and you can lose your faith.  I hope we all fight for our faith.  Focus your faith on what is most important.  All your questions – ask them.  Doubt.  Wonder.  Have concern.  Voice your concerns.  But don’t forget where faith should lie.  Jesus Christ is the only name whereby men can be saved (Acts 4:12).

    Sometimes people will hurt, disappoint, or let you down. Sometimes those people may be leaders you trust. We all hurt and disappoint people we love. We must hope that we will receive mercy for the hurt we cause, and therefore should show mercy to those who hurt us. The great giver of all mercy is Jesus Christ. He loves each of us. He wants each of us to do whatever we can to come closer to Him. Stay close to Him and He will never let you down.

    Find those experiences in your memory that remind you that Jesus Christ guides His church.  Read the Book of Mormon and ask yourself if it could be false.  Then ask yourself, if it is false, how can it so perfectly testify of Jesus Christ?

    Find your foundation in sure things.  The pure faith in Christ.  Then fight for that faith.  We hope the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can be a faith building organization for all.  We hope that the covenants we make can strengthen our faith and the faith of those around us.  But at all costs, do not mix the pure, perfect, pristine waters of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the sometimes-murky institution run by us here on earth.