No Coincidences

Author: Brayden Quackenbush

Books in 2022
It’s time for my annual list of books read last year. My 2022 list is down quite a bit due to some non-book reading and studying. I’ll rank the books from favorite to least favorite with a short description of what I remember about the book or what led to its ranking.

Without further ado, here is my list of books from 2022:
1. Marvelous Work and a Wonder
  - One of my favorite (and most important) books ever, so despite it being my third or fourth read, still has to top the list. This book lays out just how marvelous a work and a wonder the restoration of Christ’s gospel is.
2. God Emperor of Dune (book 4)
  - This is the fourth book in the Dune series and comes ahead of Children of Dune and Dune Messiah.
3. Children of Dune (book 3)
  - It’s hard to separate all these books, they blend into one in my mind, but I think God Emperor was my favorite after book 1, followed by Children of Dune. We’ll get to Dune Messiah later.
4. 5000 Year Leap
  - This book was given to me by CJ Matthews and as you can see by its ranking, I highly enjoyed it. It resulted in a blog post which is a sign of a good book that made me think.
5. Project Hail Mary
  - This was another recommended book, this one from John Safstrom. I loved this book, close call between this and the author’s other popular book turned feature film, The Martian starring Matt Damon.
6. What a Difference a Daddy Makes
  - Yet another recommended book, thanks Mitch Waters who recommended this book after he heard my second daughter was coming. Must read for any girl dad.
7. The Cuckoo’s Calling
  - J.K. Rowling is a modern marvel. I love her and her writing. While reading, knowing Robert Galbraith is a pseudonym, I couldn’t help but recognize her amazing writing style. This book was so good it made me continue on with the series and I’m currently on book 3, “Career of Evil.”
8. Night Chills
  - Classic Dean Koontz, spooky and fast-paced. I recommended this to a friend along with a long Stephen King novel (Tommyknockers). The friend quit Tommyknockers and finished Night Chills.
9. Dune Messiah (book 2)
  - This one drops a bit below the others because I think it was more of a transition book to keep the series going, at least that’s what Frank Herbert seems to have said about the book. It’s still ranked highly because the Dune series is so awesome and sometimes you need bridging books to make the next ones that much better.
10. Eli’s Promise
  - Any book that makes me cry multiple times probably needs to be in the top ten. This book was a split between Holocaust and modern-day time lines, jumping around a bunch, which kept things interesting throughout.
11. Herland
  - Classic book I never read in high school but when it was assigned reading for a class I took this year, I decided to actually read the whole book. Glad I did. Book is based around the idea of a women-only society.
12. Ford County Stories
  - I really like John Grisham. This is a book of short stories focused around Ford County. You know an author is good when they take a topic you have zero interest in, like a small Mississippi town, and make you love it.
13. Knees Over Toes
  - This book was tough to rank because it made huge changes to my daily habits and saved my Achilles, but can’t be rated higher as a book than the ones above it. Recommended to me by my brother Garrick.
14. Simplified Husbandship Simplified Fathership
  - This was an impactful book overall but a notch below What a Difference a Daddy Makes (#6). Definitely made me think more seriously about being a father and husband.
15. Silmarillion
  - I Enjoy the Lord of the Rings stuff, but the mythology can be a bit to keep up with sometimes. I really enjoyed the Silmarillion, but Lord of the Rings books in general are lower on my list due to their density. If I’m reading a fantasy fiction, I like to spend less time trying to understand geography.
16. Book of Lost Tales Vol 2
  - See notes on Silmarillion, this one is more dense than the Silmarillion since the Silmarillion is like a mythological overview, which made it more enjoyable to me.
17. The Book of Lost Tales Vol 1
  - The Books of Lost Tales are going way back in the Lord of the Rings mythology, farther than JRR Tolkien ever got published. They’re his son compiling his notes and other works to put together more stories. I enjoy them, but again, very dense and a lot of geography to try to understand sometimes.
18. A Guide to Tolkien
  - This was basically an encyclopedia of Tolkien. Someday I’ll read the actual encyclopedia.
19. Just to Illustrate
  - This was a collection of sayings from LeGrand Richards, thus the saying “Just to illustrate,” which apparently was something he was known for saying. Very much enjoyed this book. Though it’s low on the list, LeGrand is one of my favorite people ever.
20. Faith in the Service
  - This book was all about members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that served in the military. As I review this list I realize I didn’t read many bad books this year. I really enjoyed this book, and it still falls near the bottom for the year.
21. Mormon Reflections: The Path to Mountain Meadows
  - This was a fictional account of what could have led to the horrific events of the Mountain Meadows massacre. Made me think about things. Made me wonder what events could have led to people doing something so heinous.
22. Joshua Man of Faith
  - This is from a series of books that details the ancient prophets. I read the Moses (# 24) one last year. I didn’t like this one as much as the Moses one. It’s hard to compete with Moses.
23. Profiles of the Presidents
  - This was a biographical book of all the Presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
24. True to the Faith
  - Almost feels wrong having this so low, but it is essentially a textbook. A textbook on faith, but still a textbook. Weird having a book so low that I feel I should read at least once a year.
25. What Da Vinci Didn’t Know
  - A book being this low basically means it didn’t stand out to me. I think this book was basically trying to get in on the Da Vinci Code movie hype. I don’t remember learning anything super interesting from this book besides that Leonardo da Vinci was “Leonardo from Vinci.”
26. 40 Years and Marching On
  - Despite probably liking this book more than What Da Vinci Didn’t Know, I couldn’t for the life of me remember anything about the book until I found it on my shelf. A book that un-memorable gets demoted. It was a BYU studies book that was interesting but still bottom of the list for the year due to being forgotten.
Additional reading:
1. Book of Mormon
  - Mosiah 2-Alma 17 alongside a cultural commentary.
2. Doctrine & Covenants
  - Finished Doctrine and Covenants sections 133-Official Declarations. Read alongside two student manuals.
3. New Testament
  - Book of Matthew and started Book of Mark, reading alongside New Testament Student Manual.
4. Come Follow Me lesson each week
5. Did a semester of school and completed 15 credits.
  - Most memorable reading was Nietzche.
Couldn’t pick my favorite for the cover photo, so keeping with tradition from last year:
June 8, 2023
Sent from God – Missionaries

The story of Ammon is one of my favorites in the Book of Mormon. Ammon went amongst the Lamanites who wanted to kill and murder him to teach them about Jesus Christ. I wrote about a great conversion moment I had from the story of Ammon before. Here I am 4 years later, still being inspired by the story of Ammon.

This time it was chapter 18 that struck me. Ammon had just performed a miraculous feet, defending the flocks of the king from a group of men trying to scatter them. In defending the sheep, Ammon smote off the arms of so many men that the other servants he was with felt the need to collect them and show them to the king. It is here where King Lamoni, in chapter 18 verse 2 says,

“Surely, this is more than a man. Behold, is not this the Great Spirit who doth send such great punishmnets upon this people, because of their murders?”

Ammon was so powerful that the king believed him to be God.

In verse 18, King Lamoni asks Ammon if he is the Great Spirit.

Ammon’s simple reply in verse 19 is, “I am not.”

Their conversation continues and Ammon begins to teach Lamoni about the one true God. Lamoni asks in verse 33, “Art thou sent from God?”

This is what jumped out to me and made me think. It wasn’t long ago that King Lamoni thought Ammon was actually God. It’s a natural progression, I think, to then ask if he was sent from God. Ammon’s reply is found in verses 34 and 35:

“I am a man; and man in the beginning was created after the image of God, and I am called by his Holy Spirit to teach these things unto this people, that they may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true;

And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge, and also power according to my faith and desires which are in God.”

I am called by his Holy Spirit.

This made me think. Ammon could have simply replied, yes, I am from God. Instead, he chose to use the question as an opportunity to expound and teach about God and our relationship to Him.

What do missionaries say when a stranger or someone they’re teaching asks the simple question, “Are you sent from God?”

I hope it is without hesitation that the response comes, a resounding: YES.

This led me to think even deeper about this. King Lamoni was asking if God guided Ammon there. Ammon replied that God had. But what if Lamoni was asking if Ammon came directly from the presence of God to teach him? That question isn’t that crazy after asking the person if they were God. Ammon could have equally replied to that question: Yes. He came from the presence of God to teach King Lamoni and his people.

Every missionary serving Jesus Christ came from the presence of God to this earth with the purpose of going on a mission, teaching others about God, and bringing others unto Christ.

How often do our missionaries think this way? I hope daily. It is a powerful thing to understand that you were sent directly from God for this important mission.

Neil A Maxwell when speaking of the star that signaled Christ’s birth said,

“The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millennia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the babe has given at least equal attention to the placement of each of us in precise human orbits so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives so that our light might not only lead others but warn them as well.”

God knows our missionaries. God loves our missionaries. God sent our missionaries, directly from His presence, to shine their lights and illuminate this world. I am so grateful for our missionaries.

June 1, 2023
Parenting and Consequences of Choices

Sunday morning we were supposed to sleep in. We were going to church at a later time to join Beth’s family since her sister Eve was in town. Any parent knows how it goes when you’re hoping to sleep in. It’s like the kids have a sixth sense for your hope and immediately squash it. Sage woke up at 6:30 and Ivy was up at 6:45. This, for the record, is much earlier than even Sage, who isn’t a great sleeper, usually wakes up.

Beth brought the girls out to the couch. I was tired and groggy.

In true teamwork fashion, Beth and I decided to split up. I went back to sleep for an hour while Beth hung out with the girls. My hour felt like 5 minutes and I was back with Ivy and Sage while Beth got her additional rest before the day got into full swing.

I took Ivy and Sage into Ivy’s room.

Long story short – Sage was ready for a nap and unhappy about everything and anything. Ivy, the newly potty-trained, walked over to her bed, laid down, and had an accident in her bed. I learned that when I went to lay Sage in Ivy’s bed to rest and saw it was wet. I tried to feed Ivy a banana while Sage screamed and I cleaned up wet sheets and blankets. Ivy took the piece of banana I’d given her and threw it across the room. I tried to stay calm and asked her not to throw food. As I continued to clear off pee-covered sheets and blankets, Ivy walked to where I’d left my breakfast – the rest of the banana and a peeled orange – and proceeded to throw it all over the room.

That’s when I lost my patience.

Voices were raised. Toddlers were told to stand in the corner. Stern words were spoken. Sage was still screaming.

I lost my temper.

It was then, standing with Sage in my arms screaming, Ivy naked from the pajama shirt down, crying in the corner, that I started to take deep breaths.

It was then that I started trying to assess why my temper was so short.

“I’m usually better than this,” I thought to myself. “What’s going on? Well, I’m tired, obviously.”

Wait, why was I tired? (Well, besides always being tired).

Flashback to the previous night. Beth had taken Sage in to sleep, and I stayed on the couch. I thought about reading but then came across a movie on TV that I hadn’t watched in a long time. It was Super Bad. I have long cut rated R movies out of my life. But this was made for TV. All the curse words had been cut out. That didn’t make the movie a productive use of time to watch. I ended up staying up way too late watching this stupid movie.

I remembered all this as I stood with a screaming baby and a crying toddler, after I’d just yelled and not handled Ivy’s outbursts and energy nearly as well as I would have liked.

I realized I had no excuse for my behavior. Why was I tired, grumpy, and now losing my temper? Because I’d stayed up later than I should have. There are all the excuses – I deserve some time for myself, I deserve to be able to relax, I haven’t stayed up late for myself in so long, on and on. Was it the worst thing in the world for me to stay up late and watch a movie for myself? No. Was it the worst thing in the world, the next day, to yell at my daughter because I was now grumpy? No, but it felt like it.

My choices had consequences.

There was no excuse for how I had lost my temper with my girls.

I kneeled down by Ivy in the corner. My extended rocking of Sage had calmed her so she was quiet for a moment. I spoke to Ivy calmly and slowly, “Ivy, I just got very frustrated. I’m sorry. I should not have yelled. Will you forgive me?”

Smile.

“Yes, Daddy.”

I continued to tell Ivy that I get frustrated when she doesn’t listen and throws food. I told her I love her so much. I asked her to please help me the best she could and I’d try to be better too.

I sat with Sage on the floor and rocked her to sleep. Ivy, seemingly a completely different child, sat at her table. She got her laptop (a little pink toy), and a stack of books. It was calm. I realized I hadn’t meditated yet, something I usually do first thing in the morning. I asked Ivy if it was OK if I closed my eyes, meditated, and took some deep breaths.

“Yes, Daddy.”

I set a timer, closed my eyes, prayed, and breathed for 10 minutes. When I opened my eyes, Ivy was quietly reading books at her table.

I am off the charts blessed with my two girls. I love them so much. They’re amazing. Ivy is such a good kid. She is strong, patient, kind, gentle (most of the time), and smart. Sage is in a bit of a difficult stage. You can tell she wants to crawl and move and do so much. But she is so happy, smiley, and bouncy. My two girls are amazing.

I’m grateful for them. I’m grateful for how they teach me to grow and be better. I’m grateful for their patience with me. That moment when Ivy said she forgave me, man… what a feeling of love. Not just my love for her, which is endless, but also her love for me, which is clearly unconditional.

This was another parent and life lesson. My choices have consequences. I can do dumb stuff like stay up late and watch a movie. But I CAN’T take it out on my girls in the morning because I didn’t get enough sleep and now I’m grumpy.

It’s OK not to get enough sleep. It’s OK to be grumpy. It’s even OK to lose my temper sometimes. It’s OK for me to struggle. But it’s not OK to not give them my absolute best. It’s not OK to make excuses why it’s OK for me to lose my temper and yell at them. That’s not OK. Every action has consequences. It’s not their fault that I stayed up late.

I love them so much.

This parenting thing is hard, rewarding, growth-inspiring. I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for every moment. The good and the bad. I love it. I love them. I love my family.

May 25, 2023
The Haunting of Hill House and Eternity

The Haunting on Hill House is one of the best shows I’ve seen. It’s been out for a while so you’re being forewarned, there will be spoilers. It’s worth watching. Keep in mind there will be some language and mature content. It is still on Netflix. If you haven’t watched, go binge 10 episodes and come back.

In the show, Hill House is evil. It drives those within it to madness. It entraps them and makes them make awful choices. Those who stay too long go crazy and lose themselves to the house. Multiple deaths have occurred in the house and those who die there stay there forever.

The show makes it clear the house is evil. The last episode begins with a quote:

“Certainly, there are places which attach to themselves an atmosphere of holiness and goodness. It might also be said that some houses are born bad.”

It continues:

“This house, which seemed somehow to have formed itself flying together in its own powerful pattern under the hands of its builders reared its great head back against the sky without concession to humanity. It was a house without kindness. Never meant to be lived in. Not a fit place for people, or for love, or for hope.”

Sounds evil right?

Well…

That’s why the title of this post is a “conflicted message.” The above quotes don’t fit with the ending of the show. Call it Hollywood happy endings if you must. I had a different perspective. I thought of the ending in terms of what I know about heaven, and eternity.

The climax of the final episode comes when one of the characters learns the true nature of the home. He learns his father always knew the nature of the home and protected his children from it. We, the viewers, learn alongside this character what has been happening all along.

The show is based around a family who moved into the house. The mother is lost to the home and commits suicide. Before committing suicide, she brings a young girl, the daughter of the groundskeepers, with her. Extremely dark.

The father whose wife committed this act tells the parents of the young girl that he plans to burn the house to the ground, burn the hill, and salt the earth. They beg him not to do it. Their daughter is now a part of this home. She appears as a living, breathing child, though she is none of those things. Her soul belongs to the house.

The father agrees to keep the groundskeeping family on to protect the home and spend the rest of their lives with their now perpetually 9-year-old daughter. The father/owner of the home leaves the home, and his dead wife, and takes his kids away. He wants to protect them from the home and let them experience life.

We learn at the end that the father would occasionally visit the home to be with his wife. His wife experiences life as some sort of dream. She doesn’t know how much time has passed. She doesn’t fully comprehend her situation. Part of her mind appears to have been lost.

Back to the climax of the show. Many years after the initial tragedy of losing his wife to the house, we see the father come back one last time. He ends his life there so he can spend the rest of time with his wife who he loves. The ultimate emotional moment of the show comes when the groundskeeper carries in his dying wife, and with tears he sees her with his daughter and a baby. I assume it is a baby that died in the home long ago. What the old groundskeeper is seeing is heaven. He is seeing the opportunity to be with his wife, daughter, and baby forever.

There are two ways to look at this. Either Hill House is evil and what they are seeing is a counterfeit of heaven. Those who die there will spend some amount of time there, whether it be 100 or 500 or 10,000 years, but they won’t spend eternity there together.

Or.

The other option is this is heaven. The family will spend the rest of time and eternity there together. I’ll take the happy ending.

What I know of heaven is that it will be where families are together forever. Families are meant to be together. Families are meant to be eternal. While many believe the family unit is just an earthly device, I cry foul! God gave us this powerful, important, sustaining, empowering, frustrating, growth promoting unit only to see it demolished after our test here? Doesn’t make sense.

Families are forever. Families are eternal. It’s the great truth of the gospel. It’s a great comfort to me, as I sit here and look at my daughters. Heaven can’t be heaven unless I’m with them forever.

There were some good themes in this show that made me think. There’s a whole other spiritual implication from this show that analogizes leaving the Garden of Eden. It was a deep show if you let it be. But the greatest message was at the end – about family, about how important family is, that there is nothing more important than being with your family.

That is what God has given us: eternal families. What a blessing that is.

“Love is the relinquishment of logic. The willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns. We yield to it, or we fight it. But we cannot meet it halfway.”

May 18, 2023
Dreams and Temptations

I’ve long been fascinated by dreams. For the last six years I’ve written down every night-time dream I can remember in the morning. They are in multiple notes in my phone and at this point make up tens of thousands of words. Dreams have even turned into some blog posts.

Through writing down so many of my dreams, I’ve been able to clearly see the themes that repeat themselves.

What feels like many years ago now, even though it’s only been seven, I cold turkey’d a lot of bad and immoral habits. These things that used to weigh me down mercilessly have stayed consistently in my dreams ever since.

I was pondering on why this was recently. Why is it that nearly, I don’t know, 15-20% of my dreams, if I had to guess, have the theme of drinking alcohol and regretting it in them?

As with all things, I believe there are no coincidences with God. God wouldn’t give us this powerful memory/experience in our minds at night if there wasn’t some purpose. Of course, I believe that God can speak to us in dreams. I believe He has before to me. For me personally, through this introspective exercise, I came to appreciate the powerful effect dreams have had on me.

In the book The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, I read,

“What is temptation?… It is the energy through which your soul is given the gracious opportunity to have a dry run at a life lesson, at a situation that, if you can see clearly, can be removed and healed within the confines of your private world of energy and not spill into a larger energy field of other souls. Temptation is a dress rehearsal for a karmic experience of negativity.

“The entire dynamic of temptation is the compassionate way of allowing you to see your potential pitfalls, and cleanse yourself before you can affect the lives of others… As you respond to the decoy, you cleanse yourself by becoming aware and not having to actually live through the experience.”

This perfectly describes how I’ve come to feel about my dreams. They are dry runs.

The most common temptation theme in my dreams is drinking alcohol. There are many dreams I have of either trying to avoid drinking alcohol or actually giving in. I haven’t experienced a hangover in a long time. After one of these dreams, while I don’t feel the ill physical effects I would if I actually drank, I do feel the guilt of having given into temptation.

When I wake up from one of these dreams, I can feel how I’d feel if I gave in. I wake up feeling how disappointed in myself I am. I wake up thinking, “Seven years, seven years of not touching it and now I’m basically starting over.” I wake up feeling that real feeling of guilt. There is power in this, I’ve learned. I haven’t come head on with this temptation in years. Meaning, I haven’t seriously considered drinking alcohol in a long, long time. I haven’t been in a bar, no one has offered me a drink. But, because of these dreams, I can know how I would feel if I did give in, and I can know I don’t want to feel that. I can remember, because of these dreams, that a night of drinking would not be worth the disappointment in the morning. And that’s to say nothing of the hangover!

This is not the only temptation I face in dreams. There are others. Because of these dreams, I can know with surety there are things I don’t want to do. If there is any doubt or weak part of my soul that considers doing something terrible, I have the dreams to remind me how terrible some of those actions are and the guilt I don’t want to feel.

Pretty amazing, really. What a protection these dreams have become to me. As Gary Zukav said in his book, “How exquisite is temptation.”

I wonder if others have had this sort of experience with their dreams? I wonder if this is unique to me. Maybe it’s some divine protection God has given me. If that’s the case, I’m so grateful for this protection.

May 11, 2023