No Coincidences

Author: Brayden Quackenbush

  • Mike Leach

    Mike Leach

    In the Spring of 2009 Uncle Mike helped fund a trip for my entire family to go to a Club Med to celebrate my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. I was an extremely moody teenager at the time. It was still a memorable experience. That’s the kind of trip you never forget. Participating in trapeze acts, golfing, boogie boarding at the beach, paddle boats, volleyball, skate parks; that was a fun trip. I wonder if that was the last time the whole Leach family was together. It had to have been. Laura moved on in May of 2018. My grandparents made it to 63 anniversaries. Grandma moved on May of this year.

    When my brother Dresdan received the Melchizedek priesthood, my family went to St. George for the ordination. We went to my brother’s church that day. I remember my Grandpa Frank bearing his testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Grandpa talked about the pain involved in burying a child when Laura died. He’s since had to bury his best friend/wife and now his oldest son. My heart goes out to Grandpa.

    Grandpa talked about the pain of saying goodbye, but in his testimony, he pointed out the most important thing. He emphatically testified that day that he would see Laura again. I know that my grandpa knows he will also see Grandma and Mike again.

    When I talked to my mom hours after Mike passed, she said Sharon was doing surprisingly well. She was strong. Not that my mom needed any reminding, but I mentioned how important our faith is in these moments. When you know you’ll see someone again it becomes a painful, but endurable goodbye. My Aunt Sharon’s strength comes from her faith. I know my cousins will be ok too.

    Mike was a man of deep faith. It warms my heart to think of him with Grandma and Laura again. It saddens my heart to think that my cousins and aunt will have to go so long without him. I hope they remember, it’s a couple more decades, and then eternity.

    61 is a young age to move on. So is 71 and 81 and 91 and 101. Goodbye is goodbye, no matter how old you are. It occurred to me that if I move on at 61, Sage won’t yet be 30. I can’t imagine not seeing Sage reach 30. Mike didn’t get a chance to see his two youngest children reach 30. My heart aches for them.

    Mike is my mom’s oldest brother. I say “is” because, if you read my blog, you know I know he’s not really gone. He’s still her oldest brother. He’ll forever be her oldest brother. My mom has said in the past that I remind her of Mike. Few see the resemblance. I think my mom’s view comes from him being her oldest brother, and I am the oldest of my siblings. I like to think I’m like him. He was able to show his brilliance to so many people through football. Mike Leach will go down in history as one of the most innovative college football minds of all time, and most interesting. His impact on this world goes far, far beyond football. The most important thing he ever did was be a husband and a father. I think he would agree. I look forward to asking him one day.

    Last year I “interviewed” Uncle Mike. I read a lot of books that say to talk to the successful people around you. Pick their brain. My Uncle is one of the most successful people in the history of his profession. What a person to interview. Mike was a busy man. He spent over an hour on the phone with me, answering my questions.

    I want to share something Mike said to me that night that I think encapsulate the way he lived his life.

    I asked Mike what’s something he believes that others think is crazy. His response was, “People put limits on themselves. Perceive where you’re going, value the journey.”

    I also asked Mike the question we all wondered: How and why did you get a law degree and then end up coaching football? He said that since he was very young, he enjoyed coaching. He got his law degree and then he realized, if he didn’t try coaching right then he might never do it. He didn’t want to give coaching a try when he was old and retired from law. He didn’t want to look back and wonder what it would have been like to coach. Thank goodness for the world that Mike Leach gave coaching a try first. The world would have missed out on some classic and memorable Mike Leach moments.

    “Perceive where you’re going, value the journey.” I think Mike valued the journey. I think he will value his new journey. I can picture him, so joyful, reuniting with loved ones now. I can also feel the pain in his heart for the time he will go missing his wife, children, and grandchildren.

    Life is short. We say that to remind ourselves to live it to the fullest. It can also be said to remind ourselves that goodbyes here are always short in the grand scheme. He’ll be united with his family again. He knows that, his family knows that, Grandpa knows that. Death is made bearable in its short-lived victory. Ultimately, death has been defeated already. Its victory is a farce, though the pain we feel is real.

    For a guy who is often described as the most quotable person in football, there’s no more fitting way to end this than with a legitimate Mike Leach quote. When asked how the Mike wanted to be remembered and how the Mike Leach obituary should be written, Mike responded, “well that’s their problem, they’re the one writing the obituary, I mean, what do I care? I’m dead.”

    Mike, we’ll miss you. We’ll see you soon.

  • Burdens Made Light

    Burdens Made Light

    Mosiah 23:23 reads:

    “For behold, I will show unto you that they were brought into bondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God, yea, even the God of Abraham and Isaac and of Jacob.”

    “They” in this verse was referring to the followers of Alma. Some time earlier in the Book of Mormon story, Alma recruited a group of people who were baptized and covenanted to follow Jesus Christ. This group of people then fled from the rule of their wicked king, Noah.

    Before Alma’s people could flee, though, a prophesy was made by a man named Abinadi.

    Mosiah 12:2, Abinadi speaking:

    “Yea, wo be unto this generation! And the Lord said unto me: Stretch forth thy hand and prophesy, saying: Thus saith the Lord, it shall come to pass that this generation, because of their iniquities, shall be brought into bondage [emphasis added], and shall be smitten on the cheek; yea, and shall be driven by men, and shall be slain; and the vultures of the air, and the dogs, yea, and the wild beasts, shall devour their flesh.”

    This epic part of the story in the Book of Mormon is long and complex but long story short – Alma and his people fled wicked King Noah. Then King Noah is attacked by the Lamanites and flees into the wilderness where he is eventually burned and killed. His son, Limhi, takes over as king of the people. Limhi’s people are brought into bondage.

    Some time later, the Lamanites stumble upon Alma’s people, and Alma’s people are also brought into bondage.

    Remember, Alma’s people at this point had repented of their sins, been baptized, and turned to Christ with all their hearts. Remember Abinadi’s words, “this generation…shall be brought into bondage.” When Abinadi spoke these words, he was prophesying in the name of the Lord. Can the Lord lie? The Lord cannot lie. When He speaks, it must be true, and it must come to pass.

    Despite their new covenants, prophesy still had to be fulfilled, and Alma and his people had to be brought into bondage.

    There are many important lessons we can learn from this story. In particular we can learn from the people of Alma. Despite their good choices, they were still brought into bondage. Making good choices, being good people, doing all the right things like keeping our temple covenants, serving others, going to church, taking the sacrament; none of these things exclude us from adversity. Just because we’re following Christ and doing everything right, doesn’t mean everything goes perfect for us. Bad things happen to good people.

    Why do bad things happen to good people? Because lessons are learned through trial.

    What lesson is learned here?

    Mosiah 24:13-14 is the Lord speaking to Alma and the people, amidst their trial:

    “Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage [emphasis added]. I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”

    The Lord could not lie. The people had to be brought into bondage. But, importantly, the Lord would be with them, He would make their burdens light. And also importantly, as Mormon said in verse 23: “I will show unto you that they were brought into bondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God, yeah, even the God of Abraham and Isaac and of Jacob.” Since the Lord could not lie, the people could know that when he covenanted to deliver them from bondage, it would happen. They were brought into bondage because the Lord said it would be, now He was saying He would deliver them. They knew they could trust the Lord’s word.

    Amidst our hardest trials and most difficult times, we can turn to the Lord, and know that He will support, protect, and redeem us. No matter how difficult it gets. You, reading this, have your trials been as bad as becoming slaves to a harsh and bloodthirsty people? Rely on the Lord, and don’t murmur against Him. Continue to do your best and trust Him.

    Limhi’s people were in bondage for an estimated 18 years while Alma’s people were in bondage for 1 year. Do you think it made the one year any easier for Alma’s people because the people they’d left got it at least 18 times worse? Of course not. In that time, they had made all the right choices and still had to give 365 days of servitude. But ultimately, because of their covenants with the Lord, He delivered them.

    Don’t forget: with God, your burdens will be made light. Follow Him.

  • Sagey Dance Party

    Sagey Dance Party

    Sage has gotten much better at sleeping at night, thank goodness. That first month was rough. One night when Sage was a month old, I made live update notes to track her sleeping and try to understand why she was having such a hard time. Here are those notes, exactly as I typed them in my phone. These were typed in a sleepless blur throughout the night. Last Night I let the Party get the best of me (round two).

    10/4 – 10/5 with Sage:

    Fussy all night.

    Between 11:30pm and 1:30am – gave her gas drops and she fell asleep on my arms maybe midnight? Transfer her to dock (her bed) and try to hold in pacifier. Continues to cry.

    1:30am appears to be in pain. Has gas.

    1:32am patting her back upright seems to provide a little relief. Not much. She’s still crying.

    1:34am can feel her farting every couple minutes. Definitely tummy trouble.

    1:36am starts to use the restroom and seems to have relief for a moment then cries much harder. This all upright on my chest.

    1:37am she randomly seems to fall asleep on my chest with no patting or anything for ~45 seconds then starts crying again.

    1:40am Again seemingly randomly falls asleep. Gently rocking on chest, very subtle. She seems to be asleep on chest. Right arm under her bum. She’s laying on her left cheek. Her right arm up by face.

    When did she eat tonight? What happened between 11:30pm and 1:30am?

    1:44am she starts to cough. Was afraid she was going to wake up. She stayed asleep.

    1:45am want to try to sleep but afraid any movement will wake her. Sitting upright with head against the wall Sage at ~45 degree angle. She just did a shudder breath but still asleep.

    1:46am she seems ok, still sleeping. Starts clutching at my chest. Her breathing becomes audible. Sounds like she’s trying to pull in air for a couple breaths.

    1:49am she starts to tense up. Sounds like she is having a hard time breathing. She starts squirming a little. She’s still kind of asleep.

    1:51am nothing has changed but she’s in pain? Squirming and moving and starts crying.

    1:52am sit more upright. She is squirming and crying. Beth sits up and says she thinks she’s going to throw up. Sage crying. Rocking doesn’t help.

    1:53am Sage falls asleep to gentle rocking.

    1:54am Sage asleep. Stop rocking. Beth in bathroom. Might have a stomach bug or something. Maybe going to throw up due to the Sage crying and lack of sleep etc.

    1:55am Sage falls asleep. Beth didn’t throw up.

    Sage ate at 11:39pm until 12:23am. I guess I was asleep at that time. I’ve been up ever since.

    1:57am Beth says Sage has been eating a lot more the last two days. An extra hour or more feeding in 24 hour period. Not this night but the night before we started the reflux medication. Tonight and the night before have been the worst nights. She also got her shot 10/3. So after shot and starting reflux medicine, I don’t think Sage has slept much at all either night.

    2:00am she’s still sleeping. Same position as last time she slept. Can hear her breathing. Quiet sound.

    2:01am Beth asleep. Seems ok.

    2:02am Sage shudder breathes. Stays asleep. Breathing gets louder.

    2:03am what’s the temperature in Ivy’s room? It’s very cold in here. My arm outside the covers freezing. Sage getting cold?

    2:08am big shudder breath. Breathing more audible. Still sleeping.

    2:10am fix duplicate note. Can’t really sleep. Too awake. Read scripture. Alma chapter 8.

    2:17am Alma 8:6 how did Joseph Smith know Maya place names ended in “ha”/”hah”?

    2:18am Sage still sleeping.

    2:20am reading in preach my gospel about eternal marriage. Someone in conference talk I listened to today, maybe yesterday (what are days?). It was Holland’s Sunday morning talk. He talked about the story of King David and how he wouldn’t take the wood and animal to make an offering to God that was free. He wanted to pay for the wood and animal. He essentially said he wouldn’t offer something to God that didn’t cost him anything. That’s an interesting thought, isn’t it?. Is anything worth having worth having if it doesn’t involve some sacrifice?

    2:24am Sage is stirring a bit. Still sleeping. Right arm getting tired holding her.

    2:26am I was looking at old notes earlier from when Ivy didn’t sleep. This all seems vaguely familiar. Like a fever dream. Notes seem to indicate Ivy was much later. Like 6-8 months old which is of course right. It was after that we started her sleep training and she’s slept like a champ ever since. Our struggle with Ivy in the first two months was getting her NOT to sleep. The girl wouldn’t open her eyes to eat. We’d take her outside in a diaper in the cold to try to get her to open her eyes. Different kinds of stresses. I’m now remembering that was after my accident too. So my arm was all messed up and gauze wrapped. Oozing puss and blood all day. I have a memory of taking Ivy outside in the cold, me shirtless, arm wrapped, head wrapped in a bandage, Ivy in only a diaper, holding her up to the moon like a sacrifice. And that girl just slept through it. Lol it was crazy. Funny to look back on now. I’m sure we’ll laugh back on this with Sage too. “First 4 weeks of that girl’s life she’d pretty much only sleep on dad’s chest <3”. You gotta look at it that way and remind yourself of those things. Because, though this seems miserable, and my back and neck hurt, and tomorrow’s/today’s going to be rough, one day I’ll miss these nights. How sad is that? One day I’ll so desperately want Sage and Ivy’s attention that I’ll miss sitting up all night with them on my chest, or taking them naked out in the cold at midnight. Makes me want to cry. But I won’t cry because that would wake Sage.

    2:35am she breathed crazy and stirred for a moment but is still sleeping.

    2:36am back to preach my gospel. I wonder if I posted to my blog the post about the need for God yet? That might be coming out this Thursday. This is the perfect example of that. This night is hard. But I desperately need God’s help through it so I’m coming closer to him. And this is giving me the opportunity to ponder how precious this life on my chest is. Sometimes you get swept away in how difficult it is. It’s nice to pause and remember what a gift she is.

    2:39am I pulled my right hand out from under Sage so I can type with two hands. She’s pretty securely stuck to me, like Velcro. She’s still sleeping. Now only my neck and back hurt.

    2:43am you should go read the family a proclamation. It’s pretty good. “Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” “Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

    2:45am Sage kicks a lot in her sleep. Beth used to talk about this.

    2:48am isn’t it crazy to think about our divine destiny? Where we’ll be one day? “In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

    2:49am I haven’t read my patriarchal blessing in a while and have been wanting to. Now seems as good a time as any.

    2:51am I got it 6 years ago. Time flies. The church website makes it really easy to get to. “He presented His Plan of Happiness through His Son and you accepted it with all its rigors and challenges.” That part is good to remember as Sage starts to stir.

    2:53am Sage still asleep. Adding Sage and Ivy to my auto-fill to capitalize their names automatically on my phone.

    2:56am I’m glad Beth is sleeping, and she’s not sick. That would have sucked if she was sick.

    2:59am “You know that the path of God will lead to eternal happiness, and He invites every soul to return to His presence.”

    3:04am I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten through my patriarchal blessing without tears.

    6:03am Sage is awake. Put her in dock.

    7:00am I’m up

    I love you Sagey.

  • Are Women more Faithful than Men?

    Are Women more Faithful than Men?

    Why are women more faithful than men?

    I’ve often wondered this. Others may disagree, but in my experience, generally, it is true. Why is it that women are more faithful than men?

    There are countless examples of faithful men in the scriptures. There are also examples of faithful women in the scriptures, though less countless. Where the LDS church does have countless examples of women with great faith is in our pioneer stories. There are so many.

    Some of the examples of faithful women in the scriptures include Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, Mary, the mother of Christ, and Mary Magdalene. I think often it is mothers that convert while fathers fight.

    From what I’ve seen today, in modern times, women have more faith than men. Women are more open to spiritual experiences.

    I think this is somewhat due to the “natural man.” In my opinion, man is much more natural than woman.

    I also think it has to do with Christ’s admonition, “be ye as little children” (Matthew 18:3).

    Don’t women possess more of the good qualities of children than most men? Women are generally more humble, meek, kind, caring, and gentle than men. I think few would disagree with this. Women possess more quantities of all the positive attributes of little children that most men lack. It doesn’t make men necessarily bad. I think it does create a gulf between us (males) and God, though.

    If men can learn to be what we are with a positive light, and attain the meekness and humility of little children, we draw closer to God. I think this is what the Priesthood is meant to help us to do. We are to learn to be humble with authority. Learn to be meek with power.

    What was Christ but complete humility with complete power?

    The Priesthood of God can not be wrought with unrighteous dominion (Doctrine and Covenants 121:37).

    We must be as little children. Meek and humble, and let our faith be as the women who surround us, who often far surpass our ability to trust, believe, hope, and have faith.

  • Maybe (The Story of the Chinese Farmer)

    Maybe (The Story of the Chinese Farmer)

    “There once was a farmer whose horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. ‘Such bad fortune,’ they said, full of sympathy.

    “‘Maybe,’ the farmer replied.

    “The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. ‘What great fortune!’ The neighbors exclaimed.

    “‘Maybe,’ replied the old man.

    “The following day, the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the untamed horses. He was thrown off and broke his leg. The son would forever limp. ‘What terrible fortune!’ The neighbors cried.

    “‘Maybe,’ answered the farmer.

    “The next morning the army came through the farmer’s village to draft young able-bodied men for the war. Seeing his son’s limp, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. ‘What wonderful fortune!’ They said.

    “‘Maybe,’ said the farmer.”

    So, it’s hard to know which experiences will turn out to be fortuitous and which will be unfortunate.

    Another story to consider.

    A dog is at the vet. It is there with its wonderful owner. The dog knows his owner loves him very much. The dog’s owner provides food and shelter to him every day. His owner takes him for walks every day and loves him so much. His owner would never do anything to harm him.

    At the vet, the dog is due to get shots.

    The owner knows the importance of these shots. The owner knows the dog needs the shots to keep him healthy. The owner knows the shots are for her dog’s ultimate benefit.

    While the dog is getting shots, all he can think is, “why oh why is my owner letting them do this to me? It hurts so bad! Why is she letting this happen?” The dog looks at his owner and cries and cries. He’s in so much pain. “Why is she standing there ignoring my pain? Why isn’t she doing anything? Doesn’t she love me?”

    The gap between the dog’s understanding and his owner’s understanding is vast. If the owner tried to explain to her dog germ theory and why he needed his shots, he wouldn’t understand any of it.

    The gap between God and us must be infinitely more expansive than the gap between our understanding and that of our pets.

    We don’t know completely why bad things happen to good people. We don’t know why some live while some die.

    The restored gospel of Jesus Christ tells us some key information. This information doesn’t completely answer the question of why bad things happen to good people, but it does add important information.

    We all chose to come here.

    We all knew it would be hard.

    Some knew they would experience unimaginable pain.

    We all chose to come here.

    The good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that no pain, no hardship, no difficulty, no tragedy, is without meaning or purpose. It’s all for one great design: to make us better and stronger. Even as I say that, “to make us better and stronger” those words fall flat. Someone experiencing immense pain doesn’t care that they’ll be stronger in the end. Saying “to make us better and stronger” is akin to telling the dog, it’s going to be ok. Our understanding is limited. That doesn’t take away from the fact that everything that happens here is meant for our ultimate good. Everything here is to help us to reach our full potential.

    Do you think that dog understands those shots will help him live longer? Could we possibly understand if God tried to explain to us the mysteries of the universe and how that unimaginable pain can be for our benefit?

    Does this make unimaginable pain easier to endure? I think it does. I’m not in the throes of pain at the moment, though.

    When I thought I might die, and I thought how desperately I would miss my wife and my one month old daughter, when I thought about how I wouldn’t get to teach her to talk, shoot a basketball, or ride a bike, my heart hurt. But then I knew something amazing. I knew that, even if I had to leave my daughter and my wife, I’d see them again. Life is one eternal round with God and nothing would be lost. I knew that if I had to leave, it was for my ultimate benefit, and the benefit of my family. I had to trust God in that moment. That brought me peace.

    Could the farmer’s son have realized that breaking his leg and being limp for the rest of his life would actually save his life? He couldn’t know it. But someone did.

    When bad things happen, take comfort. Trust Him.

    How do we know what is a blessing and what isn’t? We don’t. Someone does. Trust Him.