No Coincidences

Category: Uncategorized

Do I Learn from Ivy?

Sometimes I find myself praying for God to change Ivy. Not big changes, stuff like, “help her to not be grumpy,” “make her sleep well,” “help her to be happy.”

Then something hit me that I of course knew but needed to come face to face with. Ivy is just going through her motions. It’s more important for me to learn to control mine.

Ivy can be grumpy, mean, crying, not sleeping, screaming, and causing all other sorts of havoc. That’s not what matters. What matters is my patience, my learning, my growth.

I’ll say it again, Ivy’s going through her motions, and I’m learning to control mine.

There will come a point when she will be responsible for her actions and will be accountable for her behavior. How can I expect her to be great at controlling her behavior as she gets older if I haven’t mastered my own behavior yet? She will learn from my (and Beth’s) example. It makes me think of the Macklemore song called Growing Up where he says,

“I’ll be patient, one more month

You’ll wrap your fingers round my thumb

Times are changing, I know

But who am I if I’m the person you become

If I’m still growing up”

(Side note, as writing this I almostttt lost my patience as I pulled a piece of paper out of Ivy’s mouth and kept her from deleting everything I just typed. The joys of fatherhood 😊)

Back to my point, Ivy does what she does and is what she is, innocent and perfect. I’m the one that needs to change.

So, when I find myself mistakenly saying, “Heavenly Father, please comfort Ivy and make her know she is safe and watched over so she can sleep tonight,” instead I say, “Heavenly Father, give me the strength, energy, and patience, that even if Ivy doesn’t sleep a wink tonight, I can help her know she is watched over, I can make her feel comforted, and I can have complete patience with her as she helps me to grow.”

I am eternally grateful for fatherhood and all it is teaching me.

October 28, 2021
100th Post
100 posts! I thought it warranted a special post. You never know when you start something like a blog if you’ll actually stick to it. Here I am a year and a half and 100 posts later, with hundreds still to go.

I figured as part of my first 100 posts I could mention the top 5 most read:
It’s interesting what this list shows. Life and death.

It was scary starting a blog. It’s basically a public diary. I’m excited for Ivy to read it one day. Thank you to everyone who has read and supported. The primary motivation in writing and sharing these posts has always been to share my faith story and hopefully help others in some tiny way. If my story or my thoughts have helped one person think about life or come closer to Jesus Christ, then a million hours (close to how much time I’ve put into this) is worth it.

I re-read my first post to prepare for writing this. In reading that, I was kind of surprised by how open and vulnerable I made that. It inspired me to share another more personal post.

As I read that very first post I was reminded why I decided to write this. I had my own very unique journey back to God and I hoped it could help someone, whether that be back to God or to God for the first time. During those years where I removed God completely from my life, I feared every day I was away from Him that I’d never be able to return. I know there are so many people out there that feel the same way. There are also people that have never known God, prayer, repentance, all these things some of us take for granted. These are abstract concepts to many, I know.

I want to share that I believe God is for everyone. As the world screams at us, “You have your screens, your technology, your books, universities, learning, society with its conveyer belt of packaged food, water always, peace, prosperity. Watch Netflix! Relax! All is well (2 Nephi 28:21). Set aside thoughts of life, death, and purpose. You have your purpose, live and let live.” The world is telling us that despite the chaos around us, everything is fine, and we don’t need God. I testify that all is well IF we have God.

I want to tell everyone, there is more than what the world screams at us is important. There is much, much more. I want to tell everyone who will listen, God is for you. If you’ve ever known Him, if you’ve never known Him, if you consider Him a complete foreign concept, if you consider Him a myth, He is for you and He is there for you. You can come to Him, and when you do, your life changes.

That’s what sticks with me most when I think about those years away from God. I removed Him, but He was never gone. We can’t remove our Father. This makes us accountable; it can be a frightening concept if we fear Him. We don’t need to fear Him. He is only there out of love. He will never leave us.

I bear my testimony of the most important things: God is our Father, and He does love us. Jesus Christ did something unimaginable. Would you die for your child? Would you suffer the punishment for the sins of your child? Probably. Would you die for the person torturing you? Christ did. He suffered for all of us, really suffered and felt. I have been blessed to have the Holy Ghost be a part of my life when I’ve made good choices, since it was conferred upon me when I was 9 years old. Joseph Smith did see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He translated the Book of Mormon from ancient records. The temples that are now dotting the earth are God’s temples. The temples are clean and holy. I can be with my family forever because of what Christ did for me in Gethsemane and on the cross.

I know this to be true. This knowledge brings purpose and understanding to my life. It doesn’t make trials go away but it makes them understandable.

I wish everyone would consider the great plan of salvation, The Plan of Happiness. But we are distracted.

I have been so blessed by God and I ask Him constantly what I’ve done to be afforded so much. The least I can do is share it with others, and I am glad to do so.

I leave this testimony for my daughter, and my family, and all those I care about to read- forever. I leave it in the name of my Redeemer, my Savior, my King, Jesus Christ.

Amen.
October 21, 2021
The Power of Repetition

If you were born after the year ~1987 and I just write the words:

“We just got a letter.”

“We just got a letter.”

What happens in your mind?

How about:

“DARE to keep off drugs…”

You know that painful feeling of getting a song stuck in your head?

Ivy has started watching Blues Clues. Don’t know how I feel about Josh as he’s not Steve. The first thing I noticed with this new show was:

“We just got annnn email! We just got annnn email!” If you’ve heard it you understand the multiple n’s.

I was just at my desk staring out the window and I couldn’t get that doggon song out of my head. Then, I thought of better days and started singing in my mind, “We just got a letter…” and it came to me just like that. I could hear it; I could feel it.

It made me think about the power of repetition. Can you believe if I hear, “we just got a letter” 20 years later, I STILL sing that exact song? Why is that? Repetition. I must have heard it 100, 1000 times growing up, and I don’t even recall being a HUGE Blues Clues watcher. (I say that in the context of how Blues Clues took over the world in the 90s).

As I often do, I applied this to a gospel principle. Why is it SO important that we pray and study the scriptures daily? Repetition. I could read the Old Testament every day for the rest of my life and still learn from it. Nothing sticks with us humans unless we do it over…and over…and over… and over.

That is the way we learn and grow: repetition. Now if someone could work on a really catchy Book of Mormon jingle, I could get that book memorized.

October 14, 2021
You are Loved, You are Worthy

“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.”

Think about that statement for a moment.

I heard this quote in a recent meditation I did. The meditation guided this visual exercise: Picture yourself as a child, truly picture it. Picture yourself as a baby. Picture yourself on someone’s lap. Picture yourself being held, comforted, and played with. Picture yourself laughing joyfully as someone makes a funny face at you. Picture yourself young and innocent.

You don’t have to earn worthiness; you don’t have to earn love. You are loved because you are.

The next time you don’t feel worthy, picture yourself as a child. You are worthy.

This exercise led me to an even more powerful thought. One that speaks not only to our worthiness here, but to our birthright and our eternal potential.

Consider Adam for a moment, the first man. When he came to this earth, we are told he was as a child. Adam came to earth meek and humble, a child-like individual. He had forgotten who he was. Who he was in reality was Michael the archangel, the chief angel. Adam was Michael, the angel second in authority. His authority was only exceeded by Jesus Christ Himself (and God, of course). In Hebrew the name Michael means “Who is like God.” This Michael came to earth with his mind wiped clean, with no recollection of his prior authority, no memory of his prior self.

What about us? What don’t we remember about ourselves?

The next time you are insecure, unsure, or afraid, remember that you are a child of divine inheritance. You are a prince or princess of the most High God. Consider that for a moment.

Not only are you loved and worthy of love, you are loved by the God of the universe. You are in line to inherit all He has to offer (D&C 84:38). Remember that, and don’t forget it. Hold to it.

We are as children here. We don’t remember our past. For all we know, we were spiritual giants. We are spiritual giants. We can be spiritual giants. Embrace that identity. Remember who you might be. Remember who it is you have been tutored by. The God of Heaven and Earth. When we embrace this way of thinking and embrace this possibility, the difficult things of this earth become so inconsequential. Our true potential is greatness. May we never forget it.

October 7, 2021
Embrace Fatherhood

A friend of mine wrote a book called Embrace Fatherhood. There is a part in the book where a father has lost the ability to see his new daughter due to a custody battle. Upon finding out he will get to spend a weekend with his daughter he says, “This daddy daughter thing, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It took Brooklyn being born for me to love something far greater than myself.”

I love Beth so much, but I relate to this statement. I think it took Ivy being born for me to understand what unconditional, unbounded, uncontrollable love is. We like to think we love others more than ourselves, but do we? I think I do love Ivy more than myself. I think this is parenthood. I would do anything for her. As a part of that, I love Beth all the more for giving me this priceless gift.

This book is written from the perspective of dads in various forms of relationship disputes, dads that don’t get to see their kids.

I know this is a complicated issue, and I know there are a million different circumstances that make this very difficult. What I will say that I hope we can all agree on: good fathers that want to be in their children’s lives, that for whatever reason aren’t able to, is a great tragedy. I can’t imagine being kept away from Ivy. It would break my heart. It would be like losing a part of me.

Beth and Ivy are in Utah for a week as I write this. Don’t get me wrong, a little bit of free time and the ability to nap and relax like I used to in the old days has been really nice. At the end of the night, though, all I can think about is Ivy and Beth. I miss them so much. I miss that greatest moment every morning. I’m grateful for a picture Beth put up on my bedside table before the trip. I can’t imagine this separation from my baby being a regular occurrence.

I know this situation exists for many dads and it hurts me to think about.

Relationship disputes happen. We are human. I think it is a tragedy of our society that romantic relationships would ever come before or between the most sacred relationship in the world (alongside marriage), the relationship of a parent and their child.

Again, a complicated issue. Having not lived through it myself, I can’t say too much. But I love Ivy. I can’t imagine living without her. There are tons of dads out there right now excited that they will get a weekend to see their child. The disintegration of the family unit is devastating.

I am grateful for Beth, who I love so much. I am grateful for what Beth has given me, the greatest gift in the entire world, Ivy who I love beyond all understanding. I am sorry for any dad that has this gift taken from him.

I love Ivy and I love Beth and I don’t know what I would do without them.

Embrace Fatherhood.

September 30, 2021