No Coincidences

Tag: Book of Mormon

  • Drugs

    Drugs

    *Author’s note:  I asked Beth to proofread this before sharing.  I put off posting it for weeks because of my hesitation in sharing something like this about my past.  Beth’s response, “Why wouldn’t you share it?  It’s what got you here.”

    “Cocaine takes your soul.”  A statement I heard a while back on a podcast.

    I’ve long wanted to write a “drugs” post, but I haven’t known how to approach it. It was a big step for me to start sharing publicly about how I used to drink.  Now I use my past experiences with drinking to understand the struggles others can have because I’ve been there.  It makes me really uncomfortable to share something like, “I used to do drugs.”  Vulnerability, uncertainty at how people I love will take this information, Ivy reading this one day… Admitting something like that was never something I thought I’d do.  But Beth’s comment was right.  Those choices led to where I am today, so why not share it?  If I’ve truly changed, why do those past decisions matter that much?  If I truly believe Christ has washed away my sins through His Atonement, what am I hiding?  Maybe somebody can benefit from my experience. 

    So, before I continue, let’s get this part out of the way: All my LDS friends and family take your moment to *gasp.  All my college friends and family take your laugh (that some of my friends and family never knew this about me).

    I bounced back and forth with writing a generic, boring post about how drugs are bad.  Really, we’ve heard that before.  What can really make a difference, I think, is my personal experience with drugs.  In the Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), along with other churches, I think talking about past drinking or drug use is pretty taboo.  It’s like many other topics I want to write about and haven’t yet addressed.  Where I come from, how I was raised, I kind of adhere to the ‘pretend like it doesn’t exist’ camp.  Drugs?  How about we not discuss it. 

    But then recently my 13-year-old brother mentioned a kid coming to his soccer practice clearly high.  First thought, “My youngest brother is exposed to weed already????”  Then I realized, he’s 13, of course he’s exposed to it.  I know a lot of kids that started experimenting with drugs at 13.  It’s crazy to think my youngest brother is 13.  It’s crazier more to realize it when he talks about the drug use around him.  Drug use is happening.  In the world we live in today, it’s more prevalent than ever.  If we stick our head in the ground, refuse to talk to our kids about it, and pretend like it’s not happening, someone else is talking to them about it.  News flash parents:  Your most sheltered latter-day saint babies have seen, heard of, been around, and maybe even experienced drug use.

    If I was seeing it in 2003 (I’m old), you better believe 13-year-olds are seeing it in 2021.  Recently I drove down a street in Las Vegas near my old home.  A street I’d driven down many times.  I did a double take when I passed what I can only describe as a big, bright, pot emporium.  Drugs are becoming mainstream.  A scary thought.

    So what are my experiences with drugs?

    First let me say, I was lucky that drugs never quite became like alcohol for me.  I don’t think drugs ever controlled me the way alcohol did.  I think part of that is luck in never trying the wrong substance.  There was a time when I was on a precarious cliff, one wrong step could have led to debilitating and life destroying addiction. 

    I’m going to try my best to be as ambiguous as possible about my drug use for obvious reasons.  By that I mean, I’m not going to tell you what drugs I have done (it’s not many).  But sometimes I may be clear about drugs I haven’t done.  For example, I never tried cocaine.  I had to say that since you’ve probably been wondering that since you read the first line. 

    What’s my experience?

    From a very young age I was aggressively opposed to any substance I believed was bad.  Legend has it I used to pour out my mom’s Coca Cola’s.  Growing up I always said I would never drink alcohol.  When asked I would say it was due to my faith and the Word of Wisdom.  The Word of Wisdom, for those who don’t know, is guidance provided by the Lord to Joseph Smith in 1833 about what should and should not be put into the body.  Over the years the Word of Wisdom, as followed by many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has adapted and changed.  This is a natural occurrence.  Joseph Smith wasn’t yet warned about vape pens and methamphetamines in the 1830s.  I encourage everyone who wants to learn more to read Doctrine and Covenants Section 89.

    My excuse for not drinking or partaking in drugs was always the Word of Wisdom.  Like I said, from a very young age I remember taking that guidance very seriously.  As I grew up, and my church activity waned, that excuse changed to, “I’m an athlete.”  In high school “no thanks” seldomly worked.  You needed a reason.  Similar to Happy Hours across the country today, most of the time you can’t just say no.

    So what happened when I had neither?  What happened when my church activity was zero and I was no longer an athlete after high school?  It’s amazing how soon after losing those two identities that I waivered on this principle I had stuck so firmly to.

    I still remember my first sip of alcohol.  It was a big moment.  We laugh at the joke that meth addiction starts with one puff or one sip, but doesn’t it?  Of course, there are exceptions, but would someone who has never had a sip of alcohol try a harder, more dangerous substance?  Usually not. 

    What happened after I’d taken one sip?  Well, my excuses of church and basketball were no longer existent, I no longer had my shield against peer pressure.  It’s no wonder when I went off to college for the first time I started drinking, then trying other stuff. 

    I was never a big drug user, as previously stated.  Most of what I tried wouldn’t even be considered drugs by most people today.  That’s the problem though, isn’t it?  Drugs are drugs.  Marijuana is a drug.  It is habit forming, it changes your focus, it changes what you care about, and ultimately it changes you. 

    I had some extremely, extremely scary experiences with drugs.  The last time for a particular substance I said would be the last time I’d try anything.  Being stuck in your mind is a terrifying thing, there is no escape.  These substances are mind-altering.  Sometimes they’re mind entrapping. 

    This is the point I want to get across and I think is important.  It’s the point I make to anyone who asks about certain drugs or drug use.  You almost never know what you’re putting into your body and it’s often from a sketchy source.  What happens when you can’t escape your mind and you think something will never end?  I had a friend once tell me he considered killing himself one time during a particularly bad drug experience.  My thought was, “why would you put that in your body????”  Then, years later I had that something in my body. If it wasn’t for very trusted and caring friends being around me to calm me down, who knows what could have happened. Never before in my life had jumping off a balcony crossed my mind. It did that day. Drugs are not a joke.  This is the message, more than anything I’d like to get across.

    I consider myself lucky that I avoided most of the more dangerous and addictive substances out there.  I never touched a cigarette.  I was too afraid it would become a habit.  That fear kept me from putting myself in a dangerous position with many other drugs.  I was always afraid of man-made, synthetic substances.  I was raised to believe that man was conspiring against my freedom (D&C 89:4) and I believe that might have saved my life.

    How am I with drugs today?

    When I had my accident, they tried to prescribe me some sort of Oxy something or another pain medication.  I refused.  I got over the counter Advil and avoided taking that as much as I could.  I saw too many friends almost kill themselves over those pills.  I hope I can avoid ever touching one.

    Today I’ve cut out drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and juice.  Yes, juice.  I feel happier and healthier for it.  I see coworkers come into the office and walk like zombies to the coffee machine first thing in the morning.  I’ve never had that crutch and I never will.

    People talk about the Word of Wisdom like it takes away your freedom.  My experience tells me that drugs and alcohol, and yes, even caffeine take away our freedom, not expand it.  How many people can’t start their day without coffee?  How many people can’t start their weekend without liquor?  How many people are enslaved by substance abuse?

    I am so grateful for my upbringing and the protection I had against these dangerous substances in my life.  Even when I dabbled, I escaped the direst consequences.  I was lucky.  Why chance it?  I’m happier today than I’ve ever been now that I depend on no substance for that happiness.  The Word of Wisdom is a protection and despite my slip-ups through my growth, it did protect me, and I’m grateful for it.

  • Divine Nature of Children

    Divine Nature of Children

    I dusted off this post I wrote 3 months before Ivy was born, but never shared. Seemed inspired to post it after just sharing about how much I learn from Ivy every day.

    Matthew 18:1-5

    1At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

    2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

    3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

    4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

    5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

    As the birth of my daughter approaches, I think more about children and why we’re admonished to be like them.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the divine nature of children.  We are so blessed to have children in our life.  We have been given the extraordinary privilege of welcoming and guiding a life into mortality.  What a gift this is.

    I think the divine nature of children should impact every parent.  I don’t have my own child yet (3 months and counting!), but I grew up with many siblings.  I know the struggle it is to always appreciate a child.  Kids can be so obnoxious!  I know throughout day-to-day life it can be difficult sometimes to remember how precious our children really are, how much of a gift children are to us.

    I think if parents stopped and considered the responsibility of raising a life, teaching and nurturing a young mind and spirit, it should add an intense reverence to everything we say and do around kids.

    I cringe when I see adults swear around young kids.  It makes me uncomfortable.  Kids soak up everything we say and do.  A moment in the life of a busy adult that seems insignificant can be a defining moment in a child’s life.  If all parents took a moment to understand that, to ponder it, and to appreciate the impact they have on their kids, I think the world would be a much better place.  Parents have the ability to teach kindness and sensitivity.  These are things kids pick up on.

    If parents took a moment to consider the responsibility of teaching one of God’s children, that should be another sobering moment for all adults.  God has given you the opportunity as a parent to cultivate and protect a spirit, His child.  What greater responsibility is there in the world?

    In 3 Nephi 26 verses 14 and 16 we read:

    14 “And it came to pass that he (Christ) did teach and minister unto the children of the multitude… and he did loose their tongues, and they did speak unto their fathers great and marvelous things, even greater than he had revealed unto the people; and he loosed their tongues that they could utter.”

    16 “…and they both saw and heard these children; yea, even babes did open their mouths and utter marvelous things; and the things which they did utter were forbidden that there should not any man write them.”

    I’ve been pondering on this significant moment in scripture.  Christ is in the Americas ministering to His people and their young children are present.  What we’re told is something so spectacular it’s difficult to comprehend.  We read that the children did speak “even greater (things) than (Jesus Christ) had revealed unto the people.”

    Think about that for a moment.  Here was Christ, the supreme creator, Son of God, our Lord and Savior, ministering and teaching the people.  He loosed the tongues of young children and they spoke things greater than Jesus Christ Himself had revealed.  Verse 16 goes on to tell us the things the babes spoke were so sacred that they were forbidden to write their words.  This is similar to the prayer of Jesus Christ to the Father.  These children were saying such sacred things it could not be written.

    I believe something important was being shown to the ancient Nephites.  Perhaps more than opening the mouths of babes, the Lord was opening the eyes and ears of their astonished parents.  Those parents had been granted the extraordinary gift of a glimpse into eternity and of beholding the identity and premortal stature of their children.  Would that not forever change the way the parents saw and treated their children? 

    I like this variation of a quote attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “The way you see [a child] is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is [who] they [will] become.”  To remember a child’s true identity helps us to guide them to their divine destiny.

    I hope we always remember how precious children are.  Even when they’re at their peak of obnoxious-ness, let’s remember that they are gifts.  They are special.  Most of all, we’re supposed to be like them. 

    I’m excited to have a daughter soon and be able to marvel daily at the gift God has given me and how lucky I am for the blessings He continues to give me.

  • 100th Post

    100th Post

    100 posts!  I thought it warranted a special post.  You never know when you start something like a blog if you’ll actually stick to it.  Here I am a year and a half and 100 posts later, with hundreds still to go.

    I figured as part of my first 100 posts I could mention the top 5 most read:

    1. Facing Death
    2. RIP Coach
    3. Ivy James Quackenbush 12/4/20
    4. Don Leedy-Resting in Paradise
    5. An Angel

    It’s interesting what this list shows.  Life and death.

    It was scary starting a blog.  It’s basically a public diary.  I’m excited for Ivy to read it one day.  Thank you to everyone who has read and supported.  The primary motivation in writing and sharing these posts has always been to share my faith story and hopefully help others in some tiny way.  If my story or my thoughts have helped one person think about life or come closer to Jesus Christ, then a million hours (close to how much time I’ve put into this) is worth it.

    I re-read my first post to prepare for writing this.  In reading that, I was kind of surprised by how open and vulnerable I made that.  It inspired me to share another more personal post.

    As I read that very first post I was reminded why I decided to write this.  I had my own very unique journey back to God and I hoped it could help someone, whether that be back to God or to God for the first time.  During those years where I removed God completely from my life, I feared every day I was away from Him that I’d never be able to return.  I know there are so many people out there that feel the same way.  There are also people that have never known God, prayer, repentance, all these things some of us take for granted.  These are abstract concepts to many, I know. 

    I want to share that I believe God is for everyone.  As the world screams at us, “You have your screens, your technology, your books, universities, learning, society with its conveyer belt of packaged food, water always, peace, prosperity.  Watch Netflix!  Relax!  All is well (2 Nephi 28:21).  Set aside thoughts of life, death, and purpose.  You have your purpose, live and let live.”  The world is telling us that despite the chaos around us, everything is fine, and we don’t need God.  I testify that all is well IF we have God.

    I want to tell everyone, there is more than what the world screams at us is important.  There is much, much more.  I want to tell everyone who will listen, God is for you.  If you’ve ever known Him, if you’ve never known Him, if you consider Him a complete foreign concept, if you consider Him a myth, He is for you and He is there for you.  You can come to Him, and when you do, your life changes. 

    That’s what sticks with me most when I think about those years away from God.  I removed Him, but He was never gone.  We can’t remove our Father.  This makes us accountable; it can be a frightening concept if we fear Him.  We don’t need to fear Him.  He is only there out of love.  He will never leave us.

    I bear my testimony of the most important things:  God is our Father, and He does love us.  Jesus Christ did something unimaginable.  Would you die for your child?  Would you suffer the punishment for the sins of your child?  Probably.  Would you die for the person torturing you?  Christ did.  He suffered for all of us, really suffered and felt.  I have been blessed to have the Holy Ghost be a part of my life when I’ve made good choices, since it was conferred upon me when I was 9 years old.  Joseph Smith did see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  He translated the Book of Mormon from ancient records.  The temples that are now dotting the earth are God’s temples. The temples are clean and holy.  I can be with my family forever because of what Christ did for me in Gethsemane and on the cross.

    I know this to be true.  This knowledge brings purpose and understanding to my life.  It doesn’t make trials go away but it makes them understandable. 

    I wish everyone would consider the great plan of salvation, The Plan of Happiness.  But we are distracted. 

    I have been so blessed by God and I ask Him constantly what I’ve done to be afforded so much.  The least I can do is share it with others, and I am glad to do so.

    I leave this testimony for my daughter, and my family, and all those I care about to read- forever.  I leave it in the name of my Redeemer, my Savior, my King, Jesus Christ.

    Amen.

    LDS Church introduces new symbol emphasizing the centrality of the Savior | KUTV
  • The Power of Repetition

    The Power of Repetition

    If you were born after the year ~1987 and I just write the words:

    “We just got a letter.”

    “We just got a letter.”

    What happens in your mind?

    How about:

    “DARE to keep off drugs…”

    You know that painful feeling of getting a song stuck in your head?

    Ivy has started watching Blues Clues.  Don’t know how I feel about Josh as he’s not Steve.  The first thing I noticed with this new show was:

    “We just got annnn email! We just got annnn email!”  If you’ve heard it you understand the multiple n’s.

    I was just at my desk staring out the window and I couldn’t get that doggon song out of my head.  Then, I thought of better days and started singing in my mind, “We just got a letter…” and it came to me just like that.  I could hear it; I could feel it.

    It made me think about the power of repetition.  Can you believe if I hear, “we just got a letter” 20 years later, I STILL sing that exact song?  Why is that?  Repetition.  I must have heard it 100, 1000 times growing up, and I don’t even recall being a HUGE Blues Clues watcher.  (I say that in the context of how Blues Clues took over the world in the 90s).

    As I often do, I applied this to a gospel principle.  Why is it SO important that we pray and study the scriptures daily?  Repetition.  I could read the Old Testament every day for the rest of my life and still learn from it.  Nothing sticks with us humans unless we do it over…and over…and over… and over.

    That is the way we learn and grow: repetition.  Now if someone could work on a really catchy Book of Mormon jingle, I could get that book memorized.

  • Letter to a Lost Testimony

    Letter to a Lost Testimony

    Someone close to me once said, “I hope you never lose your testimony.  I’ve lost almost everything in life.  I’ve lost a wife, jobs, money, houses, cars, friends; but none of it, none of it, compares to losing my testimony.  I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.”

    This person, I’m very close with, I love him very much.  This person has completely “fallen away” from the Church, as we say. 

    He is a great person.

    I could have been him.

    I could have gotten confused by doctrine, church history, and the plethora of other things to get confused by.  I could have lost sight of the most important thing – Jesus Christ.  It could happen to any of us.

    I’ve long thought and pondered to myself ‘how can I help him return?’ Maybe I’m starting to learn I can maybe help him return, but I won’t be able to make him return.  I’ve thought about lectures on DNA, elephants, steel, and horses.  I’m prepared to discuss it all.  But in the end that doesn’t matter.  It really doesn’t.  The Book of Mormon will have its day.  Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is the Christ. 

    Getting into the discussions that led him away from the church – DNA, horses, elephants – that’s not going to help him return.  Only the spirit, which I know he once felt, can help him return.

    So, here is my letter to you.  This is to a particular person in my life, but I think it can apply to so many people, to so many lives.

    Thank you.  Thank you for that quote you told me once above.  I think about it often.  Thank you for your kind heart, thank you for being an example to me.  Thank you for reminding me that Christ’s Church is sometimes only as good as we make it.  Thank you for encouraging me to read, and study, and KNOW it’s true.  Your study of the gospel is legendary.  I’ve heard of it not just from others.  I know you studied.  At some point you were deceived.  No more flattering words or trying to softly deliver this message to your ego.  You were deceived.

    It’s not too late.  It’s not too late to remember.  It’s not too late to regain your testimony.  You talk as if a testimony, once lost, can never return.  As if you know too much and you can’t go back.  I’m here to remind you, as I know God has over the past decades, that you know nothing.  Try to read again, please.  That’s all I ask.  If only to prove me wrong.  I know where peace comes from, and I want to remind you.

    I know maybe The Church isn’t for everybody in this life.  Or maybe that’s something I think so I don’t feel as bad when I can’t help someone see what I see and find the peace I’ve found.  I know you’re happy.  I know you’re OK.  But I also know you can come back to so much more.

    Finally, you were and are a good dad.  You made mistakes.  Your children love you immensely, I know that.  Don’t ever confuse your mistakes to be unforgivable.  I know life as a father isn’t always perfect.  You have children as stubborn and as difficult as you are (I’m looking at all of you).  Another thing you said about my dad has stuck with me since you said it roughly 9 years ago.  I am lucky to have him, but I want to remind you that your family is lucky to have you too.  We’re all lucky to have you.

    I love you and so does He.