No Coincidences

Tag: eternal family

  • Marriage After 7 Years

    Marriage After 7 Years

    It’s been a long time since I’ve written about marriage. It was in the midst of a worldwide pandemic that I last wrote on this topic.

    Now that I’m a seasoned veteran of the marriage game (7 years), I thought it was time I imparted some more wisdom on the topic.

    First of all, what’s changed in my life now that I’ve been married 7 years? I made a list:

    First, I have way more missing socks.

    Second, Hair. Everywhere. This might be a product of 3 daughters as well.

    Third, Clothes. Everywhere.

    That pretty much sums it up. Marriage has caused me to be missing a lot more socks, and encountering a lot more hair and piles of clothes.

    On a more serious note (though I’m deadly serious about the above), I was reading in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Handbook the other day. I came across the section titled

    Husband and Wife

    A lot stood out to me in this short section of eternal truths about marriage. I wanted to share some of what I read and my thoughts on it. Right from the start:

    “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.”

    What a simple and profound truth that the world has somehow distorted into a complete mess. I believe this is something that has fallen by the wayside in modern society. In a secular society that considers marriage a tax benefit or something related to governmental laws of the land, the profoundly important nature of marriage is lost. Marriage is ordained of God. When a couple gets married, they’re not just making a vow to each other, they’re making a vow with God. There are reasons for divorce. But do those reasons stand up to separating a union that included God as part of the promise? I think most divorces today would be reconsidered if the participants fully recognized or understood the role God played in the vows made. 

    “A couple makes this covenant [of celestial marriage] when they receive the marriage sealing ordinance in the temple. This covenant is the foundation of an eternal family. When faithfully kept, it allows their marriage to endure forever.”

    The idea of eternal families is near and dear to my heart. A long time ago, when I was very far away from the church, I told a girl I was talking to that I would never get married outside of the temple. This was always something I stood by. My opinion was always, ‘I know this is true, so if I’m going to get married, why would I half do it? If I’m going to get married, it will be forever. If I’m going to have a family, it’s going to be eternal.’

    I believe this is one of the most beautiful truths of the restored gospel, a beautiful truth that God has reminded His children of in this, the dispensation of the fullness of times. We are eternal. Our relationships are important. Our families are the most important.

    That girl that I told I would only ever get married in the temple was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She said she was struck those years ago that I believed something so strongly. At the time I was living completely contrary to the teachings of the Church. Everything I did was in opposition to the laws God had set forth for me. The idea of me ever getting married in the temple was a far-fetched pipe dream. Despite how far away I was from the church, I knew eternal families to be a true principle. I knew my family, with my mom and dad and siblings was eternal. I wouldn’t have my own family, with a wife and children of my own, to be any other way. It had to be eternal. That girl I told those many years ago that I would only get married in a temple – she got baptized years later. She was sealed in Jesus Christ’s temple. Now she is sealed to her boys and to her husband for time and all eternity. She said my firmness on something I was so far from impacted her. I’m glad it did.

    Today my marriage is eternal and will be forever because we made an agreement with God. Marriage is hard. It fluctuates. There are lots of peaks and valleys. I don’t know that it’s getting any easier. But I do know my love for my wife is evolving in a fascinating way. Our relationship is strengthening through bumps and bruises. If not for the belief in an eternal partnership, those bumps and bruises may make me reconsider marriage. But that isn’t an option. In a particularly bad fight years ago Beth texted me while I was at work noting how cold and withdrawn I had been after the fight. She told me if I was considering ending our marriage (this shows how crazy the fight was) that I should just tell her and not keep her in the dark.

    I told her that would never happen. It wasn’t an option. I hope that gave her comfort. I believe it did. No matter how bad our fights get, we have a partnership and that partnership includes God. I’ll have to answer to Him one day if I don’t give every effort in my being to make this union work.

    I’m grateful Beth has the same respect and appreciation for the marriage covenant that I have.

    “God has commanded husbands and wives to cleave to each other. In this context, the word cleave means to be completely devoted and faithful to someone. Married couples cleave together by loving and serving each other.”

    It’s a difficult transition going from only caring about yourself to having to consider someone else for everything. It’s easy to be selfish when it’s just you to worry about. A marriage doesn’t work that way. I had to get over a lot of selfishness when I got married. There’s probably a lot of selfishness still to go.

    “Adam and Eve set an example for husbands and wives… They were united with each other and with God.”

    United. If ye are not one ye are not mine (D&C 38:27). I think marriage is the greatest training ground for learning unity, partnership, and oneness. I already noted the selfishness that must be released when getting married. With selfishness a marriage can’t work. I think this is a primary reason why marriage is so important to God. Adam and Eve were united with each other and with God. If God is an integral part of a relationship, I think it becomes exponentially more difficult for that relationship to end.  

    I am grateful for the marriage covenant. I am grateful for the covenant path that started with baptism and led me to where I am today. The world is ever-changing. The marriage covenant is not. The world is shaky. Eternal families are firm. The world is difficult. My family is my strength. The world attacks me. My eternal companion, my wife, supports me. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is more than a church. It is Christ’s organization on the Earth today. As such, it is a refuge against the whirlwind. The covenants God has given me in this earth life will benefit me for all of eternity. What a thought. What a blessing. What a gift. I am ever-grateful for that gift.

  • Responsibility to Love

    Responsibility to Love

    I’ve written on this topic before. What to do With All the Love. Love Has Afforded Me Much. A slightly new thought came to me on this topic.

    There is a great responsibility for firstborns to love.

    Think about it.

    I was thinking about Sage. For her whole existence up to a point she will have shared, to some extent, the love and affection she receives with Ivy. Does this mean Sage is loved any less? No, absolutely not. She is endlessly loved.

    That said, she has shared her love with Ivy.

    It made me think, yet again, of all the singular love poured out on Ivy in her first 21 months.

    It made me reflect on the love I received in the 45 months before Adie joined our family.

    How did that shape me?

    Given the measure of love and affection I received from two loving parents, singularly focused attention and love for 45 months, does that increase my responsibility to love?

    Given this theory, I think firstborns have a higher responsibility to love. With great power comes great responsibility. There is no greater power in the world than love.

    Maybe this is why the firstborn gets the birthright (wink face).

    Thos of us who have experienced love, been given love, have felt love, it’s important for us to share that. There are so many in the world that don’t grow up in a loving household. If you’re reading this and you did grow up in a loving household, you’ve been given an advantage in life worth more than a huge inheritance. You’ve been given a huge leg up in this life if you were born into a loving home.

    Share it.

    Don’t waste the gift you’ve been given.

    Now, here’s some food for thought to counter my “firstborn love theory” (Trademark pending) –

    Other ideas to consider, did my love actually expand with the arrival of Adie (my little sister) because I had experienced love and now I got to share it with my little sister? Did my first learning experience of giving love outside of my parents who already loved me so much grow my capacity to love even more? Did getting to love somebody who couldn’t do anything for me help my capacity to love, learning at a young age to love somebody without getting anything in return? Does that add to my responsibility as the firstborn?

    Or is Adie’s capacity to love greater than mine because she was born into loving a 3 person family, unlike myself? Does that make Easton’s (youngest of 6) capacity to love 3x mine since he was born into a family 3 times bigger than the one I was born into? How does this balance with my personal capacity to love expanding every time a new baby joined our family?

    Love.

    We need to think about it more.

    Which leads to the ultimate, and powerful question: is love in limited supply?

    We all have an infinite capacity to love. I don’t believe there is any limit on how we can love. I think God is our example in this. Think about how much He loves you. Whether you come from a loving household or not, whether you’re the firstborn of 10, an only child, an orphan, the youngest of 2, and all examples in between, you have a divine capacity to love. Divine. Your Father is God. He loves you. Your capacity to love is infinite. Use it. Share it.

    Epilogue

    The above post was written in May of 2023. I kid you not, as I opened it to review and post in 2026, Beth sent me a video with a text attached.

    The text read: “Wren kept asking, “Where Ivy?” Then Ivy came down and Wren waved and said, “Good morning Ivy!” And gave her a hug. But Ivy was still waking up a bit so when she sat down to eat, Wren came over, gave her another gentle hug, and started gently rubbing Ivy’s back. It’s like Wren is teaching them how to love.”

    I replied, “Reminding them.”

    And Beth said, “Blog post!”

    She knows me too well. But I didn’t realize I was about to post this!

    We’ve been struggling a little with Ivy and Sage being gentle and loving with Wren as they get older. They are the older sisters, a lot more rambunctious and a lot more physical. Sometimes Wren messes up their “set ups” (toys they’ve setup). Wren wants to be with them and play with them but she’s very destructive. They struggle sharing with Wren. Wren is still little. So they’ve had a hard time.

    But I know that Ivy was sent here to be an example as the oldest sister. I know that Sage was sent here to be a peacekeeping, independent, strong second daughter to keep everyone connected. Maybe Wren was sent to remind us all how to love. Maybe she’s meant to teach us to be a little more patient with one another.

    EternalPerspective.

  • Who Will You Become?

    Who Will You Become?

    “You wasted it,” he said.

    I looked back, confused by what I was seeing. I considered a response. All that came was, “Who are you?” 

    “I’m all that you could have been,” he replied.   

    He looked just like me. I guess I couldn’t have been a bodybuilder. “What do you mean I wasted it?” I asked. 

    “You were given so much. So much opportunity. So much of a head start. You were raised to know God. You were raised to know Jesus Christ. You were raised to know why you were here and where you were going. And look what you did with it.” 

    I stared back dumbly. Ok, that was unfair. I got married late. Had one kid. Got divorced. Held down a decent job for most of my life. Maybe I drank a bit too much and I had a propensity to gamble. But my son loved me, despite my faults. My life wasn’t perfect by any means but a waste? This seemed over the top.  

    “I didn’t waste it. My life? It wasn’t wasted,” I finally said. I had no other defense than to repeatedly say it wasn’t a waste.

    “I’ve come to tell you that you did. I’m sorry,” the other me seemed to say with real compassion. Would I have been equally compassionate in his shoes? 

    “What did you do differently?” I asked. 

    A vision opened up to me. This must have been what so many near-death-experiencers describe as a life review, but this wasn’t my life. It was me I was seeing, but it wasn’t my life. It was my life for stretches. But then something changed. In a miraculous way I saw it all. The thoughts, the struggle, the fear, the doubt, and the triumph. I saw the grappling with faith.

    In my life, I’d never come back to God. It was too painful to feel like I’d let Him down. The focus of this vision was one critical moment.  A prayer to God begging Him to take this alternate version of me back. I’d never done that. 

    The vision flew through other minor and major events. The major events: Marriage, but not at the venue I got married at, this was performed at a beautiful white building. A temple. A wife he (the alternate version) was faithful to. Children that didn’t just “love” him but admired and adored him. Children that had their own faith that strengthened and guided them in a fallen world. A wife that appreciated him and stuck with him through it all. 

    Then seemingly minor but apparently important events: Service, church callings, prayers, books read, time spent studying, time spent writing, small discussions, small moments shared, smiles, gratitude, forgiveness, sharing, giving. I had to admit it was a much different life than the one I had lived. It sure had a lot less football on Sundays.

    Did I waste it?

    In 2021 when I wrote the above, I had heard the question, “If on the last day of your life you met the person you could have been, what would you say to each other?” 

    That inspired me to write the brief dialogue above. It’s what I thought that interaction could look like if I never turned back to God and reminded myself what is truly important about this life.

  • Satan is Jesus’s Older Brother

    Satan is Jesus’s Older Brother

    Stay with me.

    Before I go down this path let me acknowledge some things:

    1. We don’t understand how time works in eternity. It’s likely everything I’m about to say is nonsense from the eternal perspective. Still, have some fun with me. I know I got your attention with that title.
      • It’s very possible that God “adopted” billions of intelligences at the same time. Meaning, It didn’t go Satan, then Jesus, then Moses, then you, then me, etc. It’s probably not that simple. Anyways…

    Now that’s out of the way, I think there is a fun thought experiment/argument to be had that despite Jesus Christ having the title of “Firstborn”, Satan might be “older” than Jesus.

    Everything in this world symbolizes Jesus Christ. Everything points to Him (Moses 6:63, 2 Nephi 11:4). 

    There are some individuals from history that are clear types and shadows of Jesus Christ.

    Examples:

    1. Joseph of Egypt
      • Savior of his people and all of Egypt
    2. Moses
      • Liberator of Israel
    3. Nephi
      • Led his people to the Promised Land
    4. David
      • King of Israel
    5. Isaac
      • Inheritor of all that Abraham had and father of Israel (Jacob)
    6. Jacob (Israel)
      • Father of the covenant people of Earth
    7. Joseph Smith
      • Restorer of the Gospel on Earth (through Jesus Christ, of course)
    8. Peter
      • Leader of Christ’s church after Christ’s ascension
    9. Abel
      • In the likeness of his father, hearkened to the voice of the Lord
    10. Ephraim
      • Received the birthright, descendents are responsible for the gathering of Israel

    All of these men represent Jesus Christ in different but very clear and obvious ways. 

    What do all these men have in common? None of them are the oldest in their family. None of them are the firstborn.

    Interesting, right?

    “Well, but, the scriptures say Jesus Christ is the firstborn of God. Clear as day,” said a hypothetical someone arguing against my point.

    What if “firstborn” has meaning closer to heir, covenant son, preeminent one?

    Psalm 89:27 speaking of David, King of Israel, reads:

    “I will make him my firstborn, higher than the kings of the earth.”

    David was the youngest son in his family.

    In Genesis 22:2 God says to Abraham:

    “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest…”  

    But Isaac wasn’t Abraham’s only son. He also had Ishmael. Maybe Isaac was his covenant son. 

    Jeremiah 31:9 reads:

    “For I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn.”

    None of Ephraim, David, or Isaac were the firstborn. Yet they were each described as such in varying ways.

    Now Jesus’s words about Himself:

    “I was in the beginning with the Father, and am the Firstborn” (D&C 93).

    This is a captivating feature of scripture. There is a repeated theme of an older brother rejecting His younger brother who receives stewardship over him. 

    Cain opposed Abel.

    Ishmael yielded to Isaac.

    Esau opposeed Jacob.

    Joseph of Egypt was rejected by his older brothers.

    David was initially overlooked by his older brothers.

    Are these older brothers representative of Satan, the way the younger brother is representative of Jesus?

    Sound familiar? (Satan’s Story and Satan’s Story Continued)

    Maybe all these examples are meant to teach us something. It’s hard to be an older brother and yield leadership to your younger brother. What if Satan had taken another route and humbly accepted Jesus Christ? What if he accepted Jesus Christ’s position as “firstborn of the Father”, the chosen one, God’s beloved? What if Cain didn’t oppose Abel? Where would Cain be now?

    Also, what if Joseph of Egypt’s brothers accepted his position of power over them from the beginning? Joseph wouldn’t have been able to complete his earthly mission of saving all of Egypt. Sometimes, maybe, we need opposition (2 Nephi 11).

    But what happens when older brothers do humbly yield to their younger brother? Joseph Smith’s older brothers were legendarily supportive of his calling as God’s prophet. Esau famously humbled himself and reconciled with Jacob. Moses’s older brother Aaron appears to have accepted Moses’s role as prophet most of the time. Amazing things happen when older brothers can humble themselves.

    What if Laman and Lemuel could have humbled themselves before Nephi? Think of the love, peace, and prosperity that could have existed among the Nephites in the Americas. But then we wouldn’t have had all the lessons the Book of Mormon teaches us about opposition.

    God’s plan is perfect.

    It’s fascinating to look at scripture from a broader perspective, look for patterns, and try to grasp all that God wants us to learn and understand.

    While I prefaced this post saying it could be somewhat silly of an exercise, I stand by it. I think it’s a good exercise to review the scriptures in out-of-the-box ways and try to see the patterns God may be trying to teach us.

    Wherever in the birth order Jesus Christ and Satan landed, we know they were “older.” We know that God chose Jesus Christ to be His Son, the Redeemer of the world, the Savior of mankind. We know God doesn’t make mistakes. I’m grateful for what the scriptures teach me about Jesus Christ and that they can constantly strengthen my testimony of Him and all that He did for me.

  • Monumental Moment

    Monumental Moment

    I’ve written about seemingly small moments in my life that made a huge difference on the trajectory of my future. I’ve mentioned a postcard. I’ve also mentioned a seemingly inconsequential invitation to join a basketball team (from that same link). I’d like to elaborate on that basketball invitation story.

    I was so nervous my first time coming back to church that I made my roommate come with me so I didn’t have to go alone. It had been years since I’d been at church.

    I only remember one thing about that first day back at church, and it was after sacrament meeting ended. I’d just sat through my first sacrament meeting in I’m not sure how many years. I was self-conscious, uncomfortable, ready to leave, when the person in front of me turned around in his seat.

    “Hey, do you play basketball?” He asked.

    I remember being blown away. I remember thinking, “Wow! The spirit is powerful here! How did he know???”

    I’ve thought back on that moment. Yes, the spirit was powerful that day. But not in a mystical, this stranger in front of me received a supernatural message that I loved basketball, kind of way. The world would consider that a powerful spiritual experience. What actually happened was equally as powerful, yet more easily “understood” by worldly standards.

    The truth is, as I now suspect, the person who sent that postcard went the extra mile. When I asked about going to church, after telling me where they met and what time, she also reached out to the Bishop of that ward. In hindsignt, I’m pretty sure I was brought up in ward council, a meeting where leaders of a church ward discuss pressing matters.

    I’m sure I was mentioned. I’m sure Kelsie, the postcard giver, told the bishop I liked basketball. That person who turned around in their chair to ask if I liked basketball was in that meeting. I’m sure he was looking for me.

    Is this any less miraculous?

    Is it any less of a miracle that an individual, who had never spoken to me before had heard of me and knew I needed friendship extended in my direction? A complete stranger stepped out of his comfort zone and said hi to a stranger and asked a seemingly random question. A complete stranger didn’t care if I was the worst basketball player in the world, he still asked me to join a city league team with him. 

    As a basketball player, that last part is significant. I would hesitate to ask someone I’d never seen play basketball to join my team. How do I know that person can dribble a basketball? How do I know whether or not that person knows how to play team basketball? How do I know whether or not that person is a nightmare on the basketball court?

    The invitation that day was about more than basketball. That invitation came from an individual who had heard about me, a wayward soul trying to come back, and followed a spiritual prompting to invite me to play on a basketball team- basketball skills be darned.

    That person’s name was David Lake and I owe him a great debt. I have thanked him for that moment. Such a tiny moment. I know he didn’t think about it much after doing it. That was just the kind of person he was. In that moment, a stranger knew me, cared about me, and invited me. 

    That moment made all the difference in my life.

    It’s amazing how a seemingly tiny moment can change the trajectory of a life. Where am I if not for that monumental moment? Did I come to church the next week? Did I meet my wife? Do I have Ivy, Sage, Wren – my own eternal family? 

    There are some moments that carry more weight than others, no matter how seemingly inconsequential.

    My invitation to anyone reading- the next time you’re at the grocery store, or the dog park, or the gym, or at work, and that strange thought comes to your mind while you’re conversing with someone, “Invite them.” Do it. You don’t know the profound blessing that can change a person’s life because you decide to step out of your comfort zone and invite a stranger.

    If you have been blessed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, share it. Invite others. It’s the least you can do to thank your Heavenly Father for this gift He has given you.

    Beth and I were laughing how roommate Chris is in this picture but I’m not. David Lake prominently placed.
    Beth and I actually met through church basketball. Crazy huh? As you’ll see in this picture, couldn’t be seen too close to her, would be too obvious.
    A future wife, future best friend I still coach with, many lifelong friends, and saving Bishop all in one picture. That’s a miracle.