No Coincidences

Tag: god

Pride of the Gentiles

I write this as a complement to my testimony of the Book of Mormon as the Word of God.

For the purposes of what I’m writing I will focus on the Old Testament. I would gladly speak on the New Testament, but for simplicity I will focus on the Old.

Let’s look historically at the creation of the Bible. The text of the Old Testament was preserved and handed down by the hands of the Jews. It was protected by the Jews. If not for the Jews, there would be no Old Testament today.

By definition, a gentile is a person who is not Jewish. The Gentiles received the Bible from the Jews. Most of us are gentiles. If you come from Europe, have Catholic, Protestant, or pretty much any other Christian ties in your ancestry, you are most likely considered a gentile. Again, none of us would have the Bible today if it weren’t for the Jews.

It’s those same Gentiles who today say, A Bible, a Bible, we have a Bible! (2 Nephi 29:3). But how do you have the Bible? You have it from the Israelites, from the Jews. You didn’t do anything to gain it.

When Christ was crucified and resurrected the Jews of old who believed in Christ had a difficult time moving past their traditions. If you read about Paul and his missionary efforts, you will see that a major portion of his time was spent fighting Judaizers. Judaizers were “Christians in the primitive church who taught it was necessary to adopt Jewish customs and practices, especially those found in the Law of Moses.”

From History of the Christian Church, 1, 338 regarding Judaizers:

“These men were Christians in name, but narrow-minded and narrow-hearted Jews in fact. They were scrupulous, pedantic, slavish formalists, ritualists, and traditionalists of the malignant type. Circumcision of the flesh was to them more important than circumcision of the heart, or at all events an indispensable condition of salvation. Such men could, of course, not understand and appreciate Paul, but hated and feared him as a dangerous radical and rebel. Envy and jealousy mixed with their religious prejudice. They got alarmed at the rapid progress of the gospel among the unclean Gentiles who threatened to soil the purity of the church…”

For just a couple of examples of Paul’s contention with Judaizers see Acts 15:23-29, Galatians chapters 3 and 4, Acts 21: 20-25. That last example in Acts 21 would be roughly the year AD 58. At this point, 25 years after Christ’s death, there were still thousands of Jewish Christians following the Law of Moses.

I give this historical background to make a comparison to the Christian gentiles of today.

Christians who cannot accept any scripture outside of the Bible are the Jews of old. Holding firm to their traditions, fighting to preserve what they’ve always known, refusing to see the greater blessing of the Gospel right before them.

The Gentiles of today say, “I have a Bible.” By what source have you gotten your Bible?

2 Nephi 29 4-5:

4 But thus saith the Lord God: O fools, they shall have a Bible; and it shall proceed forth from the Jews, mine ancient covenant people. And what thank they the Jews for the Bible which they receive from them? Yea, what do the Gentiles mean? Do they remember the travails, and the labors, and the pains of the Jews, and their diligence unto me, in bringing forth salvation unto the Gentiles?

5 O ye Gentiles, have ye remembered the Jews, mine ancient covenant people? Nay; but ye have cursed them, and have hated them, and have not sought to recover them. But behold, I will return all these things upon your own heads; for I the Lord have not forgotten my people.

The Jews couldn’t accept further revelation – that Jesus was the Christ and in Him the law was fulfilled. Gentiles today – who have only been shown the mercy of God by being adopted into Christ’s fold – do the same thing. They have a Bible, they need no “other” Bible.

What does this speak of? It speaks of pride. This attitude says – “God has given us all He’s going to give us and now it’s up to ME, MAN to interpret what God is saying.” This pride removes God from the equation. You think God has disowned us? You think He’s given us all He can or will give us? WHY?!?!? God loves His children. Has He abandoned us?

The hard-hearted, prideful, and stubborn attitude of holding onto traditions has kept people from Christ since the start of mankind and it continues today. Let go of pride and accept that God still speaks to man. Pride makes us interpret the Bible how it suits us. Let go of pride and let God guide us.

The denial of modern revelation is the removal of God. It is the denial of either God’s love for us or His power in redeeming His children. How can people who can only accept the Bible not see that? They’ve removed a living God for God’s word. The Bible is God’s word to us, but what good is it if you don’t understand it? What good is it if you kick against the pricks? Let the spirit work within you and accept all truth God will give you. He will enlighten your mind and expand your spirit, but you must let Him, and stop removing Him by saying you have the Bible and that’s all you need.

The great apostle Paul spent his entire missionary career fighting against the Judaizers.

Today modern-day missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spend so much time fighting modern day Judaizers, traditionalists. We must Bible bash, meanwhile we have a far greater message: GOD STILL LIVES, GOD STILL SPEAKS, REVELATION IS ALIVE. He has provided a new Book of Promise – the Book of Mormon – to help and guide us. Not to replace the Bible but to supplement it. READ IT. And see for yourself if it speaks to your spirit. See for yourself if God still loves His children. See for yourself if Jesus is the Christ and if HE IS STILL redeeming his people. Set aside your pride!

2 Nephi 29: 6-9

6 Thou fool, that shall say: A Bible, we have got a Bible, and we need no more Bible. Have ye obtained a Bible save it were by the Jews?

7 Know ye not that there are more nations than one? Know ye not that I, the Lord your God, have created all men, and that I remember those who are upon the isles of the sea; and that I rule in the heavens above and in the earth beneath; and I bring forth my word unto the children of men, yea, even upon all the nations of the earth?

8 Wherefore murmur ye, because that ye shall receive more of my word? Know ye not that the testimony of two nations is a witness unto you that I am God, that I remember one nation like unto another? Wherefore, I speak the same words unto one nation like unto another. And when the two nations shall run together the testimony of the two nations shall run together also.

9 And I do this that I may prove unto many that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and that I speak forth my words according to mine own pleasure. And because that I have spoken one word ye need not suppose that I cannot speak another; for my work is not yet finished; neither shall it be until the end of man, neither from that time henceforth and forever.

How accurate are those words written nearly 2600 years ago? Inspired writing. It is my testimony that the Book of Mormon can only bring a person closer to the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ. I wish we could all remove our pride and stop being like the Judaizers of the primitive Church. Accept that Christ is as interested in us today as He was when He walked the earth 2000 years ago. Read His word. Hear His word. Feel his word. Accept his words. All of them.

August 20, 2020
How did I get here?

What is my goal in writing this blog?

Hopefully to uplift someone, anyone. Believer, nonbeliever. Member of the Church of Jesus Christ, member of any church, member of no church. I’d like to teach people who know nothing about this faith some of what I believe. I’d like to share with members of my faith the things that have impacted my testimony.

Recently a new motivation has emerged. With a daughter on the way I realize one day she can read all this. Whether or not anyone reads any of this. One day my daughter might.

Right now, I’m posting individual posts that are unrelated to each other. Mostly my thoughts and musings. As I post more, I plan on categorizing posts into certain sections. If someone could come to this page and read a quick one to two-page entry and leave slightly uplifted, that’s my ultimate goal. Most of my writing I hope to be somewhat thought provoking. Just things I’ve thought about or ideas and concepts that have really impacted me and changed the way I’ve looked at life.

I hope for this to be informational. I was greatly impacted by the writing of a man, John Pontius. As I read more, I’m impacted by the writings of many people who took the time to put thoughts on paper. Maybe something I write one day will help someone. I also hope to discuss what I feel makes the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ special. I hope for people not of my faith to read, and maybe have something stirred in their souls. Something that reminds them of where they came from, and maybe have a desire to learn more about Christ’s Church and what makes it so important.

As I write I’ll share a lot about me. I wanted a section to describe, briefly, who I am and how I got here.

Anybody reading on my page will immediately notice the strong religious theme. It’s what I think about most. For a portion of my life, it was not this way.

About me:

I was born in Payson, Utah in 1990. I moved to St. George, Utah when I was ~5. I moved to Las Vegas, Nevada when I was ~9. I lived in three houses from ages 9 to 18 in Las Vegas. We moved a lot and that was always difficult for me while growing up.

Payson, Utah

St. George, Utah

Las Vegas, Nevada

In 2009 I moved to Arizona to go to Arizona State University. I decided early on I didn’t want to go to UNLV (University of Nevada Las Vegas) or UNR (University of Nevada Reno). I wanted to get out of Nevada, I wanted a fresh start. I had no family in Arizona. Las Vegas wasn’t far, but I would be completely on my own.

I still remember when I was driving to Arizona for orientation with my mom. She got sick on the way and we stopped. I think we were in Boulder City, about an hour into the drive. I took her to the emergency room. My dad drove there to be with my mom. I had to be at orientation the next morning. I drove to Arizona by myself. It was the first time I’d driven that kind of distance alone and was symbolic of me becoming independent.

I went to ASU for five semesters. I studied construction management. I always did well in high school with minimal effort. I’m one of those obnoxious individuals who brags about never studying in high school. Boy did I learn my lesson once I got to college. My grades, with zero work ethic and desire, quickly reflected my effort. It didn’t help that I soon realized I wasn’t interested in what I was studying. Construction management can be interesting, but it wasn’t for me. There’s only so much I could take learning about the strength of concrete.

Like if you get the reference

My junior year I officially dropped out of college with (of course) the intention of going back and finishing once I found my passion. I say “of course” because that’s what we all say. During school I found that I was much more interested in parties, poker, and basketball than I was in learning about safety standards of construction sites. When I stopped going to school I continued to live on campus and enjoy college life, minus the higher education part. I spent a full year couch surfing. I’m sheepish to admit now, but I look back fondly on that year. It was a year spent staying up until 5am, waking up at 1pm, sneaking into the student rec center to play basketball, getting food, finding a party, rinse/repeat. It may sound like a pathetic use of time but it’s something I think I needed to experience.

If my daughter ever reads this – not everyone needs to experience this. That’s part of why I’m writing. To show that I made mistakes and lived life a certain way. Ultimately, I can’t regret it because it eventually got me to where I am today. I have learned through my own experiences where true happiness exists. True happiness comes from serving others, giving yourself to something bigger than yourself. True happiness comes from loving others. I had to go a round-about way to learn what’s important in life. Not everyone has to make things as difficult as I made things for myself.

During my time couch surfing, I was working odd jobs here and there to have enough money for food and extra-curricular activities. I went to Utah near the end of this adventure for some “soul searching.” After “finding myself,” or not finding myself, I ended up back in Arizona working as a helpdesk tech for two companies. I went with one of those companies 3 years later when they switched offices and took over as the Systems Administrator. I now (as of 2020) work for a managed services provider supporting various companies with their technology needs.

As I write this blurb about my journey and my past, many thoughts come to mind of what I learned along the way. I might refer back to this when I need a topic to write about. Like my lack of desire studying something I wasn’t passionate about or the years spent partying and what that taught me about what I want out of life.

Faith-wise, I started falling away from the church, due to my choices, when I was 16. I always had a testimony of this restored church, of Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, and Jesus Christ. That never changed. Despite my many mistakes and many wrong decisions, I always knew it was true. When I went to ASU I lost contact with the church completely. It amazes me to look back and realize I didn’t even know where the church building/institute building/anything related to the church was on campus. It’s like I’d lost connection with that part of me.

Throughout the years I’d attempt half-heartedly to return to church. It never stuck. I was completely inactive from about 18-25. Seven long years of inactivity.

As of this year, 2020, I’ve been back at church for four years and never been happier. I hope to express through my writing the joy the gospel has brought me and share some of my experiences that can maybe help others. That’s the hope. I’ve felt drawn to writing these entries so if one person is helped it’s a major win.

And if all these hopes fail, I’ll at least be able to look back on everything I’ve written. One day I can show my daughter and she can know I always believed. She can see it wasn’t always easy. She can see life has ups and downs, but it will work out. Have faith. That makes this worth writing.

August 13, 2020
Sunday Meditation and Basketball

In November of 2019 I started meditating every morning. I’m not doing anything real impressive. I spend the first 10 minutes of every day laying on my back on the ground. I started by listening to guided meditations on YouTube. Now I have the Calm App on my phone which I highly recommend. I rotate between guided meditations and simply laying with my eyes closed, in prayer and thought. Early on I found meditation to be extremely beneficial. My days would start off right. I would be calmer and more patient with any challenge that arose throughout the day. I know this is hard to gauge and measure. Maybe I wasn’t calmer or more patient, but I felt more calm and patient. That has to be almost as good.

When I started meditating, I immediately noticed answers to prayers. Those 10 minutes have become the most important 10 minutes of my day. I look forward to that time to spend with my own thoughts and with God. It’s an opportunity to slow down and think about what I want to accomplish; in life and for that day. It’s time to stop and consider all that I have to be grateful for.

I think I’ve written about his before, but when I was coming back to church, initially a big help was basketball on weekend mornings. For years my weekends were spent out late. When I was trying to stop drinking and stop going out as much, Saturday morning (7am) basketball became critical. It was something I could look forward to. It motivated me to stay in on a Friday night so I could get up early and play. I also played Sunday mornings. They were my two favorite days every week.

Weekend Warrior

Sunday morning basketball never conflicted with church. I was in the Young Single Adult Ward which didn’t meet until 1pm. I could easily play 7am-10am and have a few hours to shower, relax, read, study, and pray before church began.

One Sunday morning I got up to play like I always did. I was walking around my room getting dressed. It was time to walk out the door to leave so I bent over to pick up my gym bag. As I started to stand up the craziest thing happened. My back completely gave out. Luckily, I was near my bed (which still resided on box springs on the floor, like I liked it) so I literally fell sideways onto my bed. I was in excruciating pain. I called my mom and she said to take some ibuprofen, the basic mom guidance stuff. I still had it in my mind that I could go play. I was 26 years old, surely, I didn’t actually throw my back out…right? I quickly realized, I did.

Me that weekend

As I laid in my bed, I wondered what to do. I loved reading my scriptures, especially Sunday mornings after basketball and before church. So, I pulled out my scriptures and continued to read where I’d left off in the book of Alma.

I remember reading the story of the sons of Mosiah that morning in Alma 17-27. I remember being struck by one thing: the sons of Mosiah were offered the kingdom. They were each individually asked to be the king of their people. They were asked to rule, to have power, to have the comforts and honors of the world given to them for the rest of their life. Instead, they chose to forsake worldly possessions and go on a mission to the Lamanites. One by one they chose to reject kingship and go to a land of people that were open about their desire to kill any Nephite that came into their presence, let alone a Nephite set to inherit the Nephite kingdom.

What inspired Ammon and his brothers, the sons of Mosiah to forsake the kingdom and instead choose to preach the gospel? They saw an angel. I can’t describe exactly what happened to me that day, studying in my bed. Something happened. I was so filled with the spirit. I felt like I was floating. It was the most uplifting and edifying scripture study I’d ever had. I grew so much that morning. I haven’t played basketball on a Sunday since. That morning, along with learning so much about the sons of Mosiah and who I wanted to be, I also learned the value of keeping the Sabbath day holy.

I don’t think basketball was the worst thing to do on a Sunday morning, far from it. I think those first few months of Sunday morning basketball had a huge impact on me and helped me stay away from activities it was important for me to stay away from at that time. That morning though, I came to a crossroad. The temptations of prior months had lessened. I was immersing myself in the scriptures and praying daily. That morning I learned how much I could gain on Sunday mornings.

I haven’t played basketball on a Sunday since that morning I threw my back out. Instead, every Sunday morning I try to pray, read, and study. My study isn’t as good as it has been in the past, I can always improve. But, staying in on Sunday, preparing for church, praying, pondering my blessings, being with my wife, has become my favorite part of every week.

In November 2019 I started meditating every morning. I meditate 7 days a week. There’s a strange phenomenon I’ve experienced during this time. I meditate every single day. But, on Sundays, something is different. I don’t meditate with the hopes of becoming emotional. I enjoy it when it happens. I enjoy feeling the spirit so strongly that, as I lay on the ground in gratitude to my Heavenly Father, tears sometimes come to my eyes. It happens every so often. What I’ve noticed is it happens mostly on Sundays.

Without fail, as I lay and meditate on Sundays, I will be moved by the grace of Jesus Christ and the love of my Heavenly Father. I will contemplate the Atonement of my Savior. I’ll consider the suffering He went through for me. I’ll think about where I’ve been and where I am now. I’ll wonder how God can love us so much.

Grace of Christ

I bear testimony that Sunday is a special day. It’s not special because it’s specifically Sunday. That’s the day we, our society, have set aside as a day to worship. It could be Monday or Friday, doesn’t matter. What matters is it’s a day for the Lord. It’s important because it’s a day set aside for God. He has given us all our days, our lives, what is one day a week in return? I know that the Sabbath day is a special day. I know it holds power. I know it gives rejuvenating strength in a world that unceasingly sucks our spiritual resolve from us throughout the week. I know it because I’ve experienced it.

I would invite everybody to spend some time every Sunday morning in prayer. I promise you will feel something special. The Sabbath day is profound. Keep it holy. It was a long journey for me to truly appreciate the power of the Sabbath. I know that we’re blessed for keeping the Sabbath holy. In the scriptures, keeping the Sabbath is said to be what separates God’s people from the world. Keep the Sabbath holy and I promise God will pour out blessings on you. I know because he has on me.

August 7, 2020
Jonah and the Whale

Answer to prayer – but not what you expect!

One of the most spiritual experiences I ever had, referenced in the post You Sent a Dog to Comfort a Boy, happened in the basement of my Aunt and Uncle’s home. Go read the post to get some back story on why I was there, ie soul searching.

During that trip, by some coincidence, my cousin had his farewell to go on his mission. I went to the farewell and I felt stuff. I felt an urge. I felt guidance. I came to Utah to search my soul and here it was.

That night I went back to the bedroom I’d been staying in. With just Bengie (my aunt, uncle, and cousin’s dog) in the room I knelt, and I prayed. I prayed like I hadn’t in so long. I asked what I was supposed to do.

Have you heard the story of Jonah and the whale? For those who don’t know, the Bible tells us that Jonah, a prophet of God, was commanded to go to Nineveh to prophesy to its inhabitants. He was to command them to repent and preach of their forthcoming destruction if they refused. Nineveh was described as a scary place. It was a near certainty Jonah would be murdered upon telling the inhabitants of their wickedness.

I always heard that story and couldn’t imagine, couldn’t comprehend. GOD told Jonah to do something. If God tells you to do something – you do it! It doesn’t matter how afraid you are or how scary it is. You DO WHAT GOD COMMANDS. Especially when it’s that clear. If God told you to do something, you would listen, wouldn’t you?

That’s what I always thought.

That night in the basement I asked what I should do next with my life. The answer couldn’t have been clearer if an angel appeared in the room and said it to my face. I knew. I needed to go on a mission. I can’t stress this enough. I knew what I was supposed to do.

Then the doubts. “I can’t go on a mission. Where would I even begin? I have so much to repent of. I don’t even know who to go to” were my thoughts. Also, I would have to give a GOING AWAY speech like I just watched my cousin give that very day. Out of the question. The thought of getting up in church and giving a talk was enough to make me feel sick. I couldn’t do it. I was too afraid. On top of that I had big plans in the coming weeks. It was my friend’s birthday and we had partying to do. You know, the important stuff. I couldn’t repent NOW.

In the story of Jonah he gets on a ship to run away (From God- I know, crazy). But here I was, running away from God. I pretended like I didn’t know the answer to my prayer, but I knew. I ran. I ran away.

I didn’t get swallowed by a whale. Instead I moved on, distracted and forgetting.

After Jonah’s whale incident, he finally agrees to do what God asked of him. He was spit up on the shore of Nineveh and followed what God asked him to do.

I think in a way, the few years after that moment in the basement, I was figuratively in a storm and swallowed by a whale. Not for three days but for four years. Eventually God had the whale spit me back up on shore.

You’d think I missed my chance, right? I never went on a mission. For a long time I thought I could never be forgiven for ignoring God. Then I got my patriarchal blessing. In it I am told to trouble myself not over lost days. I can’t explain in words the comfort that simple phrase gave to me.

Back to Jonah. He ignored God. Yet still, somehow, God used Jonah’s mistakes to bring about His work. I don’t know how God makes up for our mistakes. It recently occurred to me that in that basement I gave the first sincere prayer in a long time. Then I ignored God. I showed a modicum of faith followed by an excess of fear. After that I found a job in Arizona, I settled down, and have been here in Arizona ever since. Then I returned to church. Now I’m here, writing to you, hopefully you’ve stuck with me this far.

It’s so much better to do what God asks the first time. I think we avoid a lot of heartache if we do. But never forget – trouble yourself not over lost days. God will have you spit up on shore when you’re ready. When you’re really ready to trust in Him. It took me some time. Somehow, He accepted that. Somehow, He waited. I’m not saying I’ll ever fully make up for disobedience, not sure exactly how that works. But I know that Christ will forgive me because He loves me. There is no greater comfort than that.

July 17, 2020
You Sent a Dog to Comfort a Boy

I was 21 years old. I’d been couch surfing for a full year and starting to ask the serious questions. What was next? Was this me? Was there more for me to do? What do I do?

Sensing the end of my ‘no attachment to anything’ days I decided I needed to take advantage of my freedom while I still possessed it. No serious girlfriend, no serious job, no prospects for a serious job.

I decided to take a trip to the homeland. I packed up my teal ’98 Pontiac Sunfire and drove to Utah. I stayed with various family members, intending to be there a week tops. Weeks went by. I stayed with a cousin to party, I stayed with an aunt for movies and dinner, I stayed with grandparents for home cooked meals. Everything back then was tinted with selfish motivations.

Eventually I ended up at the home of my Aunt Laura, Uncle Jon, and cousin Sydney.

They had a dog named Bengie. He had been around a while. At this point he must have been around 4 years old. A little puppy-like dog, full of energy.

I stayed in the guest bedroom in the basement. I still don’t know if this was normal for Bengie, but every night I was there, when it came time to go downstairs for bed, he’d saunter down with me. I’d get in bed and he’d lay at my feet. Every night.

This was a soul-searching trip. One of the most spiritual experiences of my life happened in that basement. There were many tears. A lot of growing up and change happened there. Things were thought about that hadn’t been thought about for a long time. Options considered. Prayers said to God that had been avoided for so long. So many feelings and emotions. A post later this week called “Jonah and the Whale” will elaborate on these prayers.

Through all those emotional moments, I remember a dog. Sitting on the bed. Keeping me company. It was like God was saying, in a way my spiritually dimmed and simple brain could understand, “See him. He’s here for you. I brought him here for you.” Multiple times Bengie was hugged, talked to. You know, those weird, talk-to-the-dog-like-he’s-a-person moments. “What am I going to do Bengie? I’m scared.” He would look at me and it was like he knew; it was like he understood.

If ever there was a dog that understood…

I had a lot of comfort from that dog those few days.

So, when the time came that Bengie needed a home; Sydney was going to college and Uncle Jon wasn’t able to keep up with the day to day care of a still energetic, 11-year-old puppy, I jumped at the opportunity. My mom was talking to Jon about taking Bengie in. I asked and was prepared to beg. Let us take Bengie! Beth and I had just gotten married, I had just started coaching so Beth was home for hours and hours on her own.

It felt like the second time God sent just the right person, a dog, to answer not yet uttered prayers.

Today, I tell Beth that Bengie is my best friend, she can take second. Everyone else has fallen behind. Just like those days in that basement bedroom, seemingly alone, I’m never alone long. Any dog lover knows, especially with a velcro dog, he’s always there.

It was only a couple months in to having Bengie. We were at a dog park. As soon as we walked in a playful pit bull took an extreme interest in Bengie. It seemed playful. A small amount of concern set in when the owner of the pit bull quickly intervened, pulling her dog by its harness and dragging it, kicking and screaming, to the other end of the park. Beth and I continued to walk through the park. We were dog-sitting a giant golden doodle that day. So, Archie-the-golden-doodle ran bounding around the perimeter of the park. Bengie did his normal perusing, checking out the hot spots of the area.

Bengie was walking on his own, near no other animals or people. I didn’t go to the dog parks with Beth too often. It wasn’t in my nature to hover protectively over a dog when I did. Maybe something did feel off when we came in with the pit bull and the other dogs, being playful, I thought.

I saw the pit bull sprint right by me. It ran at Bengie. I continued walking towards them. I was maybe 15 feet away. I thought they were going to play. Bengie, not appreciating the sudden surprise charge of a bigger dog immediately got defensive.

It happened really fast. The pit bull bit Bengie around the neck and started swinging him around. I ran and grabbed the harness of the pit bull and yanked him back. Bengie fell out of his mouth. I pulled the pit away as he kept trying to get back to Bengie who was laying on the ground. The owner showed up and was trying to calm her dog. Beth showed up and scooped Bengie off the ground. I didn’t see it happen; all I saw was the blood pouring from the pit owner’s hand. I was lucky I got behind the pit bull. She made the mistake of getting in between a dog and what it now, apparently, deemed prey.

I’ll jump ahead, I don’t want to leave you in too much suspense. Bengie survived. By some miracle the pit bull didn’t get a full grip on his neck. Only one side of him was punctured, the other side of his neck was just grazed. If the pit got a proper grip, there’s no chance Bengie would have survived.

Puncture Wound

The next day was really difficult. Bengie wouldn’t eat or drink. He couldn’t walk, though he tried to. You know, because he couldn’t let us be anywhere in our home alone, even when he was near dying. I don’t know if you’re supposed to bless animals. I don’t think you’re supposed to. I didn’t anoint him with oil. But I held him, and I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed.

I know this will be silly to many. Once upon a time it may have been silly to me. But I love that dog so much. In that moment I felt a tiny glimpse into what it’s like to see a child suffer. I know, I know, he wasn’t a child, I get it. I’m still saying it. I love him like a child, and it was really, really hard to see him so hurt and in so much pain.

I can’t begin to understand, even consider the pain of losing a child. I can’t. I won’t let my mind go there and hope I never have to. I learned a tiny, infinitesimal bit of that pain that day.

Now, as my first daughter makes her way to my life, I realize how much Bengie has taught me.

I like to think I’ve progressed more from a boy to man in these past 9 years. Since those first days with Bengie, when he comforted me. He stayed by my side and slept at my feet. He watched me pray. He was there to look at me, with (I swear it) care in his eyes as I cried questions I had to ask.

One day I’ll write about my Aunt Laura and why she was so special. Bengie was her special companion and comforter through her last years. Beth said something interesting recently. She said, “Sometimes I look at him and think about all the comforting he’s done.” For Laura, for me, for Beth. Aren’t we lucky God has sent us such special friends?

You sent a puppy to comfort a boy. You sent a dog to teach a man.

July 13, 2020