No Coincidences

Tag: gospel

  • Eternal Families, Children, and The Best Part of Me Was Always You

    Eternal Families, Children, and The Best Part of Me Was Always You

    *Originally written 4/19/2022, edited for posting in 2025.

    I was having a discussion with my mom a frew years ago about the trend in China of younger people not wanting to have children. We talked about this trend spreading through society. This trend of young people wanting to enjoy travelling, free time, more financial freedom, and therefore, choosing to not start families or have children.

    I watched an episode of a show recently. In the show, there is an extremely wealthy and powerful couple. They put off having children. The wife has gotten older and it may be too later for her to have children, but she’s thinking about children. She has a conversation with her husband. In the conversation she says, “Why have we built all this, what is it for?” And he replies, “It’s for us, we built it for ourselves.” She responds, “But if one of us dies…”

    She hit on something there. If you only build in this life for yourself, and if at some point you die, what did you really build it for?

    Back to that conversation with my mom years ago, we talked about how this is a sad level of selfishness spreading. How much can I travel, how much freedom can I have, how much money can I have for myself, with children being only a burden that take these things away from us. Now, of course, there are those who can’t have children and don’t have a choice. This doesn’t apply to someone in that situation at all. I’m talking about all the people my age that have decided a child isn’t worth their time, because their life is more important.

    Until you give your life for another, you never truly understand your capacity to love. Until you open yourself up to the love and selfless life that is caring for a child, “selfless” is just an adjective.

    I was on a long road trip with Beth and Ivy and so I was sitting in the back seat to give Ivy company. This was before Sage and Wren entered our lives. A song started playing. I was leaning over, staring right at Ivy. The lyrics of this song are meant to describe the heartache of a breakup. But as I listened to the words and applied them to the love I felt for my daughter whom I was staring at, the lyrics took on a whole new, eternal, and powerful meaning to me. For those words to take on the meaning they did, I had to apply them in a dark and sad way. I imagined what would happen if I ever lost Ivy (tears come to my eyes as I type those words). Bear with me. The topic will not stay sad and morbid.

    The lyrics were from a song called Breakeven by The Script:

    I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
    Just prayin’ to a God that I don’t believe in
    ‘Cause I got time while she got freedom
    ‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

    Her best days will be some of my worst

    …

    While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping

    ‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even, no

    What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And
    What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
    I’m falling to pieces, yeah
    I’m falling to pieces

    They say bad things happen for a reason
    But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
    ‘Cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
    And when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even, no

    And what am I going to do when the best part of me was always you? And
    What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
    I’m falling to pieces, yeah
    I’m falling to pieces, yeah
    I’m falling to pieces
    (One still in love while the other one’s leaving)
    I’m falling to pieces
    (‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even)

    What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you? And
    What am I suppose to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
    (Oh glad you’re okay now)
    I’m falling to pieces yeah
    I’m falling to pieces (oh, I’m falling, falling) yeah
    I’m falling to pieces
    (One still in love while the other one’s leaving)
    I’m falling to pieces
    (‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even)

    While preparing to post this, Wren crawled to my chair and pulled herself to stand at my feet. I decided to experiment if this song is still emotional when considered in this twisted context I’ve applied to it. Yup, still tears. I only let myself brush the very edge of the surface of this hypothetical.

    I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. I can not. “What am I going to do when the best part of me was always you?”

    I think the most difficult thing that could happen in this life is losing a child and my heart breaks at the mere thought of it. I feel for anyone that has to endure that pain. Just reading those lyrics, considering what I was writing 3.5 years ago, my chest started to ache at the thought. What I wrote here applies more than ever now that I have 3 daughters who I love more than life itself.

    “I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing.”

    “Just praying to a God that I don’t believe in.” This would ever happen to me. But I can see how it would for so many in this world. Which makes me sad. And is why I’m writing this.

    “’Cause I got time while she got freedom” – I’m stuck in time while she would be free.

    “Her best days will be some of my worst” – The best days for our loved ones, their return home, to heaven, is often the worst days for those left behind.

    “While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping”

    “They say bad things happen for a reason
    But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
    ‘Cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
    And when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even, no

    And what am I going to do when the best part of me was always you? And
    What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
    I’m falling to pieces, yeah.

    This discussion with my mom, that moment with Ivy in the car, and these thoughts originally happened over Easter weekend three years ago.

    Without the resurection, the lyrics of this song would be perfectly true. It would be impossible to go on from that sort of tragedy. But the resurection is real. Jesus Christ did conquer death. I know that Jesus Christ was resurected and that myself and my family will be resurected.

    I can’t believe that I will ever be without Ivy, Sage, Wren, and Beth for too long a period of time. This life is but a blink in eternity. I look at them, and the love I have for each of them, I know the God I love would not allow this level of love in my heart, and then not allow me to be with them forever. It makes me sad that much of Christianity does not have the truth restored through Christ’s true gospel that families can be together forever. I know that Ivy will be mine for eternity. I know that Sage will be mine for eternity. I know that Wren will be mine for eternity. When I’m 100 and Ivy is 70, she will still be my daughter. When I leave this world and she stays, she will still be my daughter. When we both have left this life, she will still be my daughter.

    To all those who might be reading this, and I’ve drudged up memories and feelings you have tried to suppress, to all those thinking about the loved one you so desperately miss now, my message to you is of hope. 

    I know that Christ suffered all of my sins so that I could be forgiven for them and overcome death through His blood and grace. I know that Christ conquered death and was resurrected, so that my family and I can be resurrected. I know that we will live together again as a family unit, because of what He did for me. This is why (though I always fall short) I’ve tried so hard to give everything to Him – my heart, my time, my love, my devotion, my life – because He already gave me everything that means anything. 

    I say with any authority I can muster, with full confidence and faith in the Plan of God: You will see your loved ones again. The ones that make you fall to pieces, the ones that just thinking about choke you up, the ones that make you feel alive but like you’re barely breathing, the ones you don’t know if you can live without because they were the best part of you: You will see them again.

    I am thankful for these truths that have been restored. I’m grateful to know that whatever happens in this life or the next, Ivy, Sage, and Wren will be mine, and I will be theirs. Forever. This goes for Beth also. Because of Jesus Christ we will be together forever. And my love for Him is inexpressable when I consider what He’s done for me.

  • How do we speak to others?

    How do we speak to others?

    My parents and younger brother Easton were in town for the weekend. We went swimming and came back to the condo before they left. I said my goodbyes and got in the shower with Ivy to rinse off, as we always do after the pool. My family was packing up to leave.

    As usual, I cleaned Ivy up and then yelled for Beth to come and grab Ivy from me. Beth didn’t come so I yelled again. After a couple minutes Beth still hadn’t come so I opened the shower door to make sure the maximum amount of sound waves would travel and yelled again. 

    I don’t like yelling. It was something I worried about when I started coaching basketball. Yelling feels inherently mean and unkind to me. I try not to raise my voice for almost any reason.

    After the third yell I started to feel like a jerk. I wasn’t being a jerk; I was simply trying to make sure Beth heard me. After the third yell she came quickly into the bathroom. I apologized for yelling and said I wasn’t sure if she could hear me. Beth told me she heard me, but my family was just leaving, and she was saying goodbye. 

    For a split second I thought how my family heard me yelling also and felt ashamed for a moment before I reminded myself my yelling wasn’t malicious in any way. This was practical yelling; it served a purpose. I had to remind myself this because of my aversion to yelling. It wasn’t mean, I was trying to make sure Beth heard me.

    This led me to a thought. I hope my parents know they raised me so that they never have to worry about how I speak to or treat others, especially my wife and daughters. I hope my parents know there are certain ways I would never speak to my wife and daughters. I hope they know I would never speak to anyone a certain way. I think they know that.

    I hope to raise Ivy so that when she’s a grown up (can’t believe that’s going to happen) I’ll know how she speaks to people. I’ll know there’s certain ways she would never speak to anyone. I’ll know if she’s yelling there’s a purpose for it.

    Why do we speak to people a certain way? Because Christ taught us that we’re all brothers and sisters and He showed the way. I hope I would never disappoint my parents or my heavenly parents with my behavior towards others. Of course, we slip sometimes. We aren’t perfect. But the Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches me why I should treat others the way I want to be treated. I hope to instill that in Ivy and Sage the same way my parents instilled it in me, so that I never have to wonder where her values lie and how she treats those she interacts with.

  • How did the Trinity come to be? – The Nicene Creed Post 1

    How did the Trinity come to be? – The Nicene Creed Post 1

    Most of my blog posts are personal experiences with little research. They’re mostly just stream-of-thought writing. That’s what I prefer.

    Every once in a while, I want to write about a topic I know nothing about, which results in some (or a lot) of research. My Adam-God Theory post is one that comes to mind.

    I’ve long wanted to write a post about how the Trinity came to be. To prove this, years ago I gave my thoughts on the Trinity in this post.

    And wrote about how I know the Godhead to be true in this post.

    This has been a topic pretty consistently on my mind for a long time.

    Quick definition so we can all follow along (because this isn’t going to be an advanced or complicated post), the Trinity refers to the belief that God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are all one being. Most of Christianity believes in the Trinity. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, through the experience of the prophet Joseph Smith, believe in the Godhead. The Godhead is the belief that God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three distinct beings who are one in purpose (John 17:21-23).

    I’ve long wanted to learn more about how the Trinitarian belief came to be. I know it developed from the Nicene Creed. But if this is a falsehood perpetuated throughout history, how did it become so dominant? I’ve wanted to understand this history better. Part of the motivation to understand this better comes from the dominance of the Trinitarian viewpoint. When I’m trying to relate to other Christians, the Trinity vs Godhead question really becomes an issue.

    To know God you must know who He is. When I talk to a Christian, we both believe in Jesus Christ, but who is Jesus Christ? It’s OK to say we both believe in God and go from there, but sometimes not understanding who God is keeps me and other Christians from really being able to progress and learn from each other.

    Personally, I believe this is why this misunderstanding has been so perpetuated throughout history. Satan is cunning. He knows if we don’t know who our Father is, it becomes so much harder to worship Him.

    Is that an unfair statement for me to make? I can hear all the Catholics and Protestants and Lutherans and Baptists in an uproar when I state that a core belief of theirs has been perpetuated by Satan to confuse them. I understand that this is inflammatory. When I’m told by those same groups of people that my belief that God the Father and Jesus Christ are separate and distinct beings is a lie that Satan has deceived me with, it hurts. So I get it.

    This is why I want to understand where the belief in the Trinity comes from.

    When I read the Bible, it’s so abundantly clear to me. It doesn’t make any sense to me that people can read the Bible and conclude that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are one person. And yet, I’m in the minority, so clearly, there’s more to it.

    We all have our biases. I have always known Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to be separate individuals. I have always known Christ to be my advocate with the Father. I have always known Heavenly Father to be my literal Heavenly Father. Seeing it any other way is hard. I get that others have always seen them as the same being. Others have read the scriptures with them being the same entity in mind. I get it.

    Which leads me to my point.

    As I studied this more, trying to understand it, the more confused I got. How this came to be is so confusing. I wanted to write a post simply explaining the history of the Nicene Creed and how the Trinitarian belief came to be and I’m realizing giving a “simple” explanation is going to take a lot more reading to understand.

    Some things stood out as I’ve studied this topic. I have a 62,000+ word document of research, quotes, and other information from my study of this topic.

    What stands out are the words I come across when reading how the Trinitarian belief came into existence.

    “Argument” – 13 times in my notes.

    “Debate” – 7 times in my notes.

    “Power” – 18 times in my notes.

    These are the words I kept coming across as I studied this topic.

    One word stands out that I haven’t come across thus far in all my reading. That word is “revelation.” In all that I’ve read it’s always “debate” and “power” and “trial” and “gain” and “politics.” No revelation

    I would love for a biblical and historical scholar to give me a crash course on the history of the creeds. For now, I continue to read, and study, and try to understand why the Christian world trusts a gospel principle that was handed down by power and politics, with little reference to the God they were trying to understand.

    I conclude this post without a conclusion because I don’t yet have one. It will be the first of many posts about the Nicene Creed and the Trinitarian belief.

  • Agency and Mistakes: Was Brigham Young Wrong?

    Agency and Mistakes: Was Brigham Young Wrong?

    Let’s start with an assumption.

    What if Brigham Young incorrectly instituted the practice of the priesthood ban for black people?

    We always think in this way that God can do anything, however He wants to. Why didn’t He fix the priesthood ban for blacks issue immediately after Brigham Young if it was in fact a mistake by Brigham Young?

    We sometimes neglect to think that, if God were to fix things however He wants to, that would likely supersede our agency. This whole life is about us making choices. It would be a problem if God started correcting everything on this earth, especially with our many mistakes and shortcomings as mortals. It was never in God’s plan to supersede our agency, that was Lucifer’s plan.

    But let’s take a bigger perspective on this.

    What if God did correct this issue of black men not receiving the priesthood in the 1800s and early 1900s? What if He corrected it an eternity ago, when He created the Plan? God’s plan is perfect. God doesn’t always fix things the way we think He should fix things. In fact, He probably never fixes things the way we think they should be fixed. That’s what makes Him God and us tiny mortals trying with all our might to be like Him, but inevitably falling short.

    God’s Plan was established well before black men were denied the priesthood through Earth’s late 19th and early 20th centuries. His plan allows all those who would have faithfully accepted the priesthood while in this life to lose out on nothing. This is in precisely the same way His plan accounts for His countless children who didn’t have access to the saving ordinances of the Gospel in life, whether that be due to the gospel not being present on earth, never hearing about it, or a child dying before reaching the age of accountability. God’s plan is perfect. He’s already thought it through. I assume those who have an issue with the delay in the Church allowing black men to have the priesthood also have an issue with the tens of millions of infant deaths each year. In that case, your issue is with your faith in God, not in any church policy.

    I understand that these things are hard to understand while here. Some reading this may respond, “Yes, that’s precisely the issue I have: That many noble and worthy men weren’t allowed the priesthood and the millions of innocent children that die unfairly.” I understand this challenge. This is where faith comes in. I have faith in God, His Plan, His love, and that He will make all these things we don’t understand right. If we don’t have faith in those things, then yes, God is a monster that we should not worship. The God I know loves us and one day all these things will be understood.

    Something to us, here, simple and short-minded on earth, that looks like a huge mistake – it’s not a mistake to God. All those who couldn’t get the priesthood due to an incorrect policy will receive it.

    What if Brigham Young did make a mistake and what if the Church really would have collapsed if that mistake was corrected in the 1860s? THEN God’s church wouldn’t be on the earth. That seems like a real mistake. Again, God has thought these things through.

    We have an example of this principle in the policy change instituted by Wilford Woodruff banning plural marriage. In Official Declaration 1 of 1890, now in the Doctrine and Covenants, Wilford Woodruff says,

    “The question is this: Which is the wisest course for the Latter-day Saints to pursue—to continue to attempt to practice plural marriage, with the laws of the nation against it and the opposition of sixty millions of people, and at the cost of the confiscation and loss of all the Temples, and the stopping of all the ordinances therein, both for the living and the dead, and the imprisonment of the First Presidency and Twelve and the heads of families in the Church, and the confiscation of personal property of the people (all of which of themselves would stop the practice); or, after doing and suffering what we have through our adherence to this principle to cease the practice and submit to the law, and through doing so leave the Prophets, Apostles and fathers at home, so that they can instruct the people and attend to the duties of the Church, and also leave the Temples in the hands of the Saints, so that they can attend to the ordinances of the Gospel, both for the living and the dead?

    “The Lord showed me by vision and revelation exactly what would take place if we did not stop this practice. If we had not stopped it, you would have had no use for … any of the men in this temple at Logan; for all ordinances would be stopped throughout the land of Zion. Confusion would reign throughout Israel, and many men would be made prisoners. This trouble would have come upon the whole Church, and we should have been compelled to stop the practice. Now, the question is, whether it should be stopped in this manner, or in the way the Lord has manifested to us, and leave our Prophets and Apostles and fathers free men, and the temples in the hands of the people, so that the dead may be redeemed.”

    Sometimes we live with this thinking that God can do whatever so why doesn’t He? This, I think, is the basis of so many losing faith in Him. I look forward to the day when we are all reminded that we came to earth willingly, that we knew the Plan, and that we were eternally grateful for the opportunity to have freedom of choice and to learn right from wrong, away from Him (God), where it was completely up to us to make choices.

    Again, we fall into this thinking, I think, that God can do anything He wants however He wants. Maybe. But God still works through us. God still gives us our agency. God still lives by laws. God said He allows plural marriage in the case where he wants to raise a righteous generation unto Himself (Jacob 2). What would we have had God do if He needed to grow the church membership in one generation? Import a couple hundred thousand men and women from space? The answer is – God works with us. He works within the world He has given us.

    God allows us the bounds to make mistakes. Within those mistakes, God’s Plan works. I have faith in the truth of that. God takes our worst, and it becomes part of the Plan. He prefers our best, but He knows us better than we know ourselves.

    On the question of if Brigham Young did make a mistake – again, maybe the answer is yes, but I will refer again to the Official Declaration 1 – this was Wilford Woodruff speaking, “The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the programme. It is not in the mind of God” (emphasis added).

    It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God.  

    I believe in giving God all the power we actually try to take away from His power. God doesn’t watch things unfold her and go, “Oh crap, I need a righteous generation, let’s implement polygamy.”  Or, “Oh man, Brigham isn’t listening, this is bad.” This was worked out long ago. Just because we don’t like the way God did things makes it all the more likely He did it perfectly, because we are dumb, and so limited in our view. We cannot comprehend the workings of God.

    Did Brigham Young make a mistake? I don’t know.

    I know who didn’t make a mistake. That’s where I put my faith.

  • Sent from God – Missionaries

    Sent from God – Missionaries

    The story of Ammon is one of my favorites in the Book of Mormon. Ammon went amongst the Lamanites who wanted to kill and murder him to teach them about Jesus Christ. I wrote about a great conversion moment I had from the story of Ammon before. Here I am 4 years later, still being inspired by the story of Ammon.

    This time it was chapter 18 that struck me. Ammon had just performed a miraculous feet, defending the flocks of the king from a group of men trying to scatter them. In defending the sheep, Ammon smote off the arms of so many men that the other servants he was with felt the need to collect them and show them to the king. It is here where King Lamoni, in chapter 18 verse 2 says,

    “Surely, this is more than a man. Behold, is not this the Great Spirit who doth send such great punishmnets upon this people, because of their murders?”

    Ammon was so powerful that the king believed him to be God.

    In verse 18, King Lamoni asks Ammon if he is the Great Spirit.

    Ammon’s simple reply in verse 19 is, “I am not.”

    Their conversation continues and Ammon begins to teach Lamoni about the one true God. Lamoni asks in verse 33, “Art thou sent from God?”

    This is what jumped out to me and made me think. It wasn’t long ago that King Lamoni thought Ammon was actually God. It’s a natural progression, I think, to then ask if he was sent from God. Ammon’s reply is found in verses 34 and 35:

    “I am a man; and man in the beginning was created after the image of God, and I am called by his Holy Spirit to teach these things unto this people, that they may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true;

    And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge, and also power according to my faith and desires which are in God.”

    I am called by his Holy Spirit.

    This made me think. Ammon could have simply replied, yes, I am from God. Instead, he chose to use the question as an opportunity to expound and teach about God and our relationship to Him.

    What do missionaries say when a stranger or someone they’re teaching asks the simple question, “Are you sent from God?”

    I hope it is without hesitation that the response comes, a resounding: YES.

    This led me to think even deeper about this. King Lamoni was asking if God guided Ammon there. Ammon replied that God had. But what if Lamoni was asking if Ammon came directly from the presence of God to teach him? That question isn’t that crazy after asking the person if they were God. Ammon could have equally replied to that question: Yes. He came from the presence of God to teach King Lamoni and his people.

    Every missionary serving Jesus Christ came from the presence of God to this earth with the purpose of going on a mission, teaching others about God, and bringing others unto Christ.

    How often do our missionaries think this way? I hope daily. It is a powerful thing to understand that you were sent directly from God for this important mission.

    Neil A Maxwell when speaking of the star that signaled Christ’s birth said,

    “The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millennia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the babe has given at least equal attention to the placement of each of us in precise human orbits so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives so that our light might not only lead others but warn them as well.”

    God knows our missionaries. God loves our missionaries. God sent our missionaries, directly from His presence, to shine their lights and illuminate this world. I am so grateful for our missionaries.