No Coincidences

Tag: Heavenly Father

  • Vulnerable

    Vulnerable

    I listened to a self-love, guided meditation this morning. I was guided to picture myself as a young boy. The prompt was to say comforting words to that young boy. May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I live with ease. Each of these was followed with the guidance to remember a time I felt those things. “Remember a time you felt safe.”

    As I pictured that young boy in my mind, using old pictures and old family home videos to conjure up what I looked like, a deep emotion came over me. I started to cry.

    As I picture that young boy, and as I picture myself today, I see my father, my dad. What pressures did he feel raising 6 kids, working, going to school, and trying to keep it all together?

    I worry. I fear. I doubt. I pray daily that I can have patience and comfort in God’s plan. I am so blessed. Being blessed doesn’t always make this life easy. This life is challenging. It’s meant to be.

    I don’t think we talk often enough about the pressures of fatherhood. There are now two lives that completely depend on me for everything: Food, water, home, toys. (Of course, Beth is here too and I in no way mean to take away from motherhood).

    I have a family that relies on me to provide. There is a level of pressure that comes along with this that isn’t discussed often enough.

    I love this video:

    It perfectly captures fatherhood.

    I feel happy, safe, healthy, and loved because of what a Father (God) has always provided for me, and for much of my life a father has provided for me.

    I know we should be able to talk about it, the pressures, but dads don’t. We walk around with a burden and a pressure. It sometimes feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. Little lives depend on us. We work, trying to provide a life for our children. We come home and we continue to work. We are horses, we are friends, we are disciplinarians, we are a lot.

    If you have a father in your life that seems like he has it all together, if you see a father around you that seems stressed, if you interact with a father that seems angry, if you have a father in your life that seems frustrated, if you see a father that seems like he’s carrying a heavy burden that he can’t share with anyone: he probably is. Hug that man. Fathers need more hugs. Not hugs of pity but hugs of sympathy, hugs of appreciation, hugs of understanding. Understanding that this world is stressful. This life is hard. This life can be scary. And sometimes, as a father, you feel you’re the one battling back those realizations and experiences for your kids for as many moments as you possibly can. That is a difficult task. Because one day your children will learn what you have learned. That life can be hard and scary. You protect them from it as long as you can, but one day they will know.

    As a father, knowing that day will one day come for your little, precious gifts can pull your heart, stretch it in a nearly painful way. And you can realize how your (Heavenly) Father feels, watching us grow in sometimes painful ways.

    I know that fatherhood is important. I know that it’s hard. I know that it’s rewarding.

    I know I have a Father that allows me these experiences so I can grow. I know I have a father here that did so much for me while I grew to my own realization that life is hard. I was sheltered for so long. And I owe that to loving parents here, and there.

    I am grateful to them for that.

  • The Eyes of God

    The Eyes of God

    I don’t think anything makes me feel closer to God than staring into the eyes of my babies. I’ve written about it before HERE. I don’t remember this specifically with Ivy, though I’m sure it happened. But with Sage I’ve stared into her eyes and it’s the most outstanding, humbling feeling.

    What did I do to deserve this gift?

    As I hold Sage and she begins to drift off into sleep, while comfortably in my arms, I wonder what I did to deserve so much trust. She is so comfortable in my arms, so content, so peaceful, so trusting. Why does she trust me? What did I do to earn that trust?

    Nothing.

    Or maybe everything.

    I don’t know how Sage, Ivy, and I interacted before coming here. Before coming to earth were we best friends, running around, shooting hoops, reading books, taking walks? Maybe I did earn that trust.

    What did I do to earn the trust of God, to send His daughters to me?

    As I stare into Sage’s eyes, I see the eyes of God.

    She is His daughter. She is of His lineage. She is a princess, not of me, but of Him. And as I stare into her eyes, I think that’s the overwhelming, outstanding, humbling feeling I get, that I described above. It’s looking into the eyes of God.

  • The Need for God in the Newborn Days

    The Need for God in the Newborn Days

    Having a newborn is pretty difficult. Understatement? The challenges are diverse and wide-ranging. I don’t believe this is a coincidence.

    As Beth and I were driving to the hospital for her to bring a baby into the world – we prayed.

    As we waited to get checked into the hospital – I prayed.

    As we sat in our first room and Beth’s pain started to increase – I prayed harder.

    As we were moved into the delivery room and the miracle began – I prayed constantly.

    As I held my new daughter – I prayed, holding back tears of gratitude.

    As we took the new member of our family to our hospital room – I prayed.

    As we struggled to stay awake and care for her new needs – I prayed.

    As we drove home – I prayed.

    As we started the first weeks of no sleep, stress, anxiety, and responsibility. As we tried to feed Sage, as we changed her multiple times throughout the night, as we walked around bleary eyed, as she slept on my chest, as she cried in my arms – I pray constantly for help and strength.

    As Beth becomes a zombie from lack of sleep – I pray.

    As I fall asleep holding Sage – I pray.

    As Ivy adjusts to a new sister, the responsibility, and the change to her little world – I pray for her.

    As Beth works to breastfeed every 3 hours and continues not to sleep – I pray for her.

    As I go back to work, Beth having extreme trepidation – I pray, and I assure her it will be ok.

    We’re being looked after.

    As Beth texts me, “You must have said a good prayer for us for today. I can’t believe I feel as good as I do right now.” – I pray with so much gratitude.

    I know we’re being looked after.

    Having and bringing home a newborn is stressful and a momentous responsibility. I don’t think that is a coincidence. I think it’s meant to remind us how much we need Him. I’m grateful for how difficult it is to bring a new baby home because it brings me closer to my Heavenly Father. I have to rely on Him, because I know my strength is nothing, and I know I can’t do it without Him.

    I’m grateful for these challenges because they remind me how much I need Him.

    I’m grateful to know He is there.

    I’m grateful to know we are watched over.

    • Sage Laura Quackenbush 9/3/22

      Sage Laura Quackenbush 9/3/22

      I’ve long anticipated this moment. I didn’t know what it would be like to have my heart split into another section. I talked about when Ivy was born, how my world flipped upside down. I’ve heard that the feeling of having a second child is incommensurable. How can you describe loving two things so much?

      Sage Laura

      I’ll be honest, when Sage was born, it wasn’t what I expected.

      The love for Sage, compared with my love for Ivy – it is different, and yet so the same. This isn’t a contradiction but, I think, a profound truth. I can’t help but think of Ivy as I look at Sage. I love them both so much. I see a glimpse of how Heavenly Father can feel.

      I can imagine how my Heavenly Father can see me and love me so much. And as He sees me, He thinks about my mom and my dad, my siblings, my wife, my children. When I look at Sage, I’m reminded how much I love Ivy, and vice versa. It is a welding link of love. This doesn’t diminish the love at all. It expands it.

      It’s the best I can put into words what having a second daughter was like.

      My love for Beth expands in these moments too.

      I couldn’t understand how I could love Beth more, or how I could love someone like I loved Ivy. I couldn’t imagine how my heart could split in three. But now I realize, it’s not splitting. It’s expanding. And with it, my understanding of Heavenly Father is expanding. I understand that His heart and love can’t possibly split for all of us. It expands for all of us. That’s how He can be the definition of love, He has so much to love. His heart has expanded beyond our comprehension. This is what I realized when I looked at Sage. My heart expanded a proportionate amount to how it expanded when Ivy came into my life.

      3 girls

      I got to speak to Ivy today. I pointed at her and told her, “You’re my girl, and I love you so much. And guess what? I have three girls!” Ivy’s eyes got wide, one of my favorite things she does. I continued, “I have Sage, and I have your mom, 3 girls! One Ivy, two Sage, three Mom. I love you all so much, my three girls.”

      It’s a phenomenal feeling. Any feeling that helps me to understand Heavenly Father more is amazing and special to me.

      I’ll be interested to read my 12/4/20 Ivy post after writing this to see how they compare. Right now, I am full of gratitude. Sometimes I can’t believe that God has given us this gift, His most powerful gift. He has trusted me to take care of His daughters while here. They become my daughters, but always His as well. This brings me so much comfort. I want my daughters to know that they’re never alone. I am always here for them, and so is their Father in Heaven. They’ll never be without a dad.

      I went back and re-read that post of Ivy’s birth. There are some things I wrote about Ivy that, if Sage ever looks back and reads this, I want her to know apply to her also. My two girls.

      From that post –

      “When I first saw Ivy James Quackenbush my heart expanded, my world flipped upside down. In an instant I realized I would do anything, I would give my life without a second thought and at a moment’s notice for that beautiful soul. She was perfect, so beautiful.

      I wish I could put it into words, but they’re not enough. My life as I knew it was over. And I knew it. This little thing was the new center. The center of my universe- along with Beth. (Now I have three centers to my universe).

      I couldn’t stop staring at Ivy. The gravitational pull of the universe had changed.

      Sage

      The thoughts I hadn’t let start because her coming had always been surreal started to flood my mind: I’m going to play basketball with her. I hope she loves basketball. We’ll play together. We’ll be best friends. I hope I never hurt her. I hope I can always protect her. (Now they’re my two best friends. Ivy is my MVP and Sage is my DPOY).

      How does Heavenly Father love me? I’m a little closer to understanding today. I’m a little closer to understanding what true love is.”

      I’ve realized something else now that Sage jas been with us 5 days. Yes, my world flipped upside down when I saw each of them. Yes, the gravitational pull was palpable. But what really develops that love into a bond truly unbreakable is the countless hours laying on my chest, the first grin that I get to see, the hours of bouncing and burping, the feeding, the watching them grow. I think this is why the motherhood bond is so powerful. Mothers often get more of these experiences than fathers, unfortunately. It is these moments that unite us to our children for eternity. These are the favorite moments of my life. When Sage lays on my chest and instantly falls asleep, I’m reminded I’ll do anything for her. I’m reminded how much I love her.

      I love my family so much.

    • Be Ye Therefore Perfect

      Be Ye Therefore Perfect

      There is a message recently brought to my attention in Matthew chapters 5-7. We all know the sermon on the mount. Don’t just not kill, also don’t even be angry. Don’t just not commit adultery, don’t even lust. Be ye therefore perfect.

      What comes next though? I haven’t before considered how the next chapters lead to a great message, a culmination of how we should behave and how we should try to be.

      What does the Sermon on the Mount transition into? What is the theme of chapter 6?

      Matthew 6:1 –

      “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.”

      Matthew 6:20 –

      “But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.”

      Matthew 6:38 (JST) –

      “Wherefore, seek not the things of this world but seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish his righteousness”

      Matthew 6 is all about our motives. In chapter 5 you seek to be perfect by your behavior. Chapter 6 asks, “why are you seeking to be perfect?” Is it for the glory of the world? Is it for more temporal possessions and blessings? Chapter 6 looks at your heart and asks your intention. We should want to be perfect because we love God and we love others. We should want to be perfect because it’s right. Perfection shouldn’t be about us or what it does for us. We should want to be perfect because Christ was perfect, perfect love, and our example. Chapter 6 tells us to look heavenward in all things.

      Which leads us to chapter 7. What does chapter 7 teach us?

      The message of chapter 7 is summed up by verse 1 (JST) –

      “Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged; but judge righteous judgement.”

      You’ve worked hard to fix your bad habits, to be loving, to treat others as you want to be treated. You’ve then addressed why you’re doing these things. Your heart is pure, you love others because it’s the right thing to do you. You look heavenward. Chapter 7 is about understanding that not everyone is at the same point on their own journey to perfection. Just because someone is working along their path, and in your mortal eyes may seem to be “behind” you, they’re not. Judge not others. They’re working their way down the path of perfection just as you are.

      That said, we still judge others righteously. Righteous judgement is loving judgement.

      Matthew 7:9 (JST) –

      “Go ye into the world, saying unto all, Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come nigh unto you.”

      D&C 6:9 –

      “Say nothing but repentance unto this generation.”

      D&C 15:6 –

      “the thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people.”

      D&C 16:6 –

      “the thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people.”

      D&C 14:8 –

      “And it shall come to pass, that if you shall ask the Father in my name, in faith believing, you shall receive the Holy Ghost, which giveth utterance, that you may stand as a witness of the things of which you shall both hear and see, and also that you may declare repentance unto this generation.”

      What Christ’s apostles at the meridian of time were told to preach was the same thing those who were instrumental in the restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ were told to preach. It’s the same thing we’re supposed to preach today.

      Repentance.

      That’s what brings us and those around us closer to Christ.

      So, work on yourself first, Matthew chapter 5. Work on your motives second, Matthew chapter 6. Then, preach repentance to those on a different part of the path than you. Preach repentance with love and understanding. Never forgetting that you’re on the path too, trying to be your best. That’s all we can ask of each other. Do your best.

      From the book 40 Years And Marching On, an article by John W. Welch (p. 228) he says:

      “First is the acknowledgment that all people are at different stages in the eternal journey toward the glory of God, which is intelligence.”

      This is the message of the Sermon on the Mount. It’s not a one-part lesson, it’s 3 parts. Be perfect – be perfect for the right reasons – accept that others are not perfect (yet).