No Coincidences

Tag: jesus christ

  • Love is Powerful

    Love is Powerful

    I was once asked a question I surprisingly had never truly dived into.  What was different about the first time I met with the bishop when coming back to church?   Why did I come back?

    I’ve written about some of the coincidences leading to me getting to the Bishop’s office and ultimately coming back to church.  But how did I stay?  Coming back once, for a fleeting moment of revival, that’s easy.  What really brought me back?

    I wrote in The Inspiration about cancelling that first appointment with the bishop.  That appointment eventually got rescheduled. 

    I remember walking into Bishop Thurston’s office.  It was a small room, like most bishop’s offices.  I believe there was a picture of the First Presidency, and Christ.  At other points in my life both pictures might have made me feel uncomfortable, unworthy, judged.  Maybe not the picture of Christ.  His image has always brought me warmth, if not alongside guilt.

    First Presidency February 2008 – January  2018

    I remember being so nervous.  What were we going to talk about?  It had been almost 10 years since I sat in a bishop’s office.  Was he going to grill me?  Was I going to have to confess all my sins?  Was this going to be a moment I looked back on in disgust?  Was he going to judge me?  Was he going to wonder what brought this messed up individual into his office?

    And then he smiled.  He shook my hand.

    If you’ve seen the smile of Kody Thurston, you know it.  If you’ve seen the smile of a loving bishop anywhere in this world, you know this smile.  They’re the same anywhere.

    He asked me to sit and I believe he offered the prayer.  Then we started to talk.  I remember not knowing what to do with my hands, I was fiddling with them in my lap.  I remember looking down a lot.  Every time I looked up he would be looking right at me.

    We talked about where I’d been, where I was going, my family.  We got to know each other.  I don’t remember much about the exact conversation.  I do remember what I didn’t feel, judged.

    Then he asked the question, I think it was, “Do you have anything you need to talk about?”  It was a loaded question, but it didn’t feel like it.  I knew if I said no he would move on.

    I had come into that room with zero intention of confessing my sins and opening my heart to a stranger.  Then this strange thing happens in a room with a person who has been sent and commissioned by Jesus Christ for this very purpose.  There’s a feeling in a room when the spirit is there.  It’s overwhelming.  I didn’t say much.  I implied some things; I got some things off my chest.  He didn’t ask much.  He moved forward.  That’s what I remember.  Moving forward.

    I talk about no coincidences.  I know it wasn’t a coincidence that I came back at that time.  Maybe it’s an excuse for me taking so long, but I know that God knew who and what I needed when I came back.  I firmly believe that God waited until I was ready and put Bishop Thurston in a position to be there when I was ready.  I don’t think I would have made it without him.

    When I was getting ready to leave, he said he wanted to see me again soon, within the week.  He told me to reach out to his assistant and schedule it soon.  He told me to tell his assistant to make it happen in the next week no matter what, even if I had to come to his house.  That’s another thing I’ll never forget.  Come to his house?  Why did this stranger want to see me again so soon?

    I was once asked what made me come back?  Love.  Love made me come back.  I knew when I left that office, without a shadow of a doubt, that the stranger I just met cared about me so deeply.  Is that something I could know?  I guess not, I couldn’t know it.  He could have been faking it.  The reason it has stuck with me, and the reason I came back, is because it wasn’t something I knew, it was something I felt. Like testimony or faith, it was something I couldn’t deny and something I’ll never forget.  At the end of that meeting I felt like I’d just met somebody who would do anything in his power, anything he possibly could, to help me.  I felt the love of Jesus Christ for me, displayed through this stranger so potently, with such power. 

    I left that office feeling good.  I’ll admit something.  I tried to keep it together.  I really tried.  I drove away from the building.  I pulled over within a minute.  I cried and I cried.  It was like the love I wouldn’t allow myself to feel Christ giving me for so long poured over me with such intensity.  I cry today thinking about it.

    Those first few weeks coming back were really hard.  Really, really hard.  When it got to feel like too much to continue on that path, like I couldn’t do it, I thought about the love I felt that day. I thought about that little bishop’s office where I felt something, and my heart changed.  I thought about the moment in my car after.  I realized I never wanted to be without that love, ever again.  That’s what brought me back and kept me coming back.

    Love is powerful.

  • Light You Reflect

    Light You Reflect

    Alexandros Papaderos

    In a book titled It Was on Fire When I Lay on It by Robert Fulghum, he tells a story about when he asked Alexandros Papaderos the question, “what is the meaning of life?”

    Robert Fulghum relates that Dr. Papaderos pulled a small round mirror out of his wallet.  He said he had found the mirror and scratched it on a stone until it was round.

    Dr. Papaderos said, “I began to play with it as a toy and became fascinated by the fact that I could reflect light into dark places where the sun would never shine-in deep holes and crevices and dark closets.  It became a game for me to get light into the most inaccessible places I could find… As I became a man, I grew to understand that this was not just a child’s game but a metaphor for what I might do with my life.  I came to understand that I am not the light or the source of light.  But light-truth, understanding, knowledge-is there, and it will only shine in many dark places if I reflect it.

    “I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know.  Nevertheless, with what I have I can reflect light into the dark places of this world-into the black places in the hearts of men-and change some things in some people.  Perhaps others may see and do likewise.  This is what I am about.  This is the meaning of my life.”

    Doctrine & Covenants 45:7

    “For verily I say unto you that I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the light and the life of the world-a light that shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not.”

    The mirror found by Dr. Papaderos was not rounded and clean when he found it.  It took scratching it on a stone.  This symbolizes the refining process Dr. Papaderos undoubtedly went through to become a source that could reflect light.  We are born with the light of Christ.  When you look upon a young child you easily see that light.  As we grow the light we reflect dims, or it brightens.  It is our effort that determines this.

    Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are blessed to know by what source we can reflect light.  We reflect the light of Jesus Christ.  He is the light.  We can all be the reflection. We are made in the design and shape of our Heavenly Father, made in His image.  The source of all light.

  • Book Review: They Knew the Prophet

    Book Review: They Knew the Prophet

    Book review:  They Knew the Prophet compiled by Hyrum L. and Helen Mae Andrus Copyright 1974

    I just finished a book I really enjoyed called They Knew the Prophet. 

    The book is a collection of first-hand accounts of people’s interactions with the Prophet, Joseph Smith.  I think this book could be of interest to anyone, whether a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or not.  Even if you know nothing about the Church, you get a grasp of how respected and revered Joseph Smith was by his followers. This man with zero education started a religion.  In 1830, less than 200 years ago, six people gathered together to formally organize the church. That group of six has turned into over 16 million. For this reason, even people not of the faith of the Church of Jesus Christ could be fascinated by and should be interested in the historical character that Joseph Smith was.

    If you are a member of the Church, I highly recommend this book.  It was an easy read. Each first-hand account is brief. The longest individual account was 10 pages but that was an outlier.  The book is 193 pages long and there are a total of 98 unique accounts. Fun fact—the 10-page account was from my great-great grandfather, Benjamin F. Johnson.  The book is organized so you move through the prophet’s life. It starts from the beginning with someone who lived near his family and hired young Joseph to help on his farm.  It moves slowly until the end where first-hand accounts are given of his death. I’ve previously read a decent amount on the death of the Prophet and some of what I read at the end was still new to me.

    It’s interesting to see the progression from people describing Joseph Smith early on as ineloquent to later in the book people describing him as the most powerful man and speaker they ever encountered.  It’s truly fascinating to see that progression through the eyes of those who knew him.

    I will avoid giving away too much and thus ruining the book for anyone that may want to read it.  I will share an excerpt from my favorite account. It was written by Howard Coray. He was speaking about all the learned men that would come and try to contend with and confound Joseph.  He wrote:

    “Among other great men who called to see him was Cyrus Walker, a lawyer of much note.  He tried to sound the Prophet, and see how deep he was. Well, it was with Walker as it had been with all the others.  He soon got enough, found Joseph too deep for his lead and line, and gave up the enterprise. Thus it was in every instance that came under my observation.  How could we expect it to be otherwise-for any man who had never peered into heaven and seen heavenly things to be a match for one who had had a half score or more heavenly messengers for teachers.”

    That passage made me think of Joseph Smith in a new way.  Thinking about myself, in the last four years since coming back to Church and actively studying the gospel, I’ve felt I’ve grown so much.  The knowledge and understanding I have today is so far from where I was just four years ago. Joseph was being visited, tutored, and taught by the leaders of past dispensations.  He was being taught by Jesus Christ Himself. His progression from an un-learned farm hand to eloquent orator of gospel principles was at such an accelerated pace. I love that story and it perfectly illustrates what I enjoyed about this book.

    It did get a bit repetitive near the very end and I found myself having a hard time finishing it.  Until the conclusion came. Reading of the end of the Prophet’s life is always emotional and gives me an appreciation for Joseph Smith and what he was willing to give for his testimony:  everything. 

    You can find a copy of the book online for ~$28.  If anyone is interested in borrowing my copy, just let me know!  

    I highly recommend this book.  As the inside cover said, “more than any other book it will make the reader feel that (they) too knew the prophet.”  He was the Moses of our dispensation. There’s no better way to try to understand who he was than through the eyes of those who knew him.

  • Worldwide Fast

    Prophet and President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Russell M. Nelson, asked the world to fast on Good Friday, April 10, 2020.  His invitation:

    “I invite all, including those not of our faith, to fast and pray on Good Friday, April 10, that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized.”

    Russell M. Nelson

    I was a member of a group on Facebook for the Worldwide Fast.  Last I checked, that group had over 537,000 people! Click Here To See the Group

    This group turned into a worldwide testimony session.  There were so many amazing posts.  I spent the entire morning after Good Friday reading them.  There were two that I really loved.  I asked permission from the original posters to share their stories.  I hope my friends and family (those who didn’t already see these) enjoy them as much as I did.

    The first was about a young boy: 

    My 7 year old nephew wanted to be part of today’s fasting and prayer. He loves to eat, so this was a true sacrifice for him. He’s been very prayerful all day. His mom found him praying in the yard. When she told him she was proud of him, he responded “Sometimes we just need to find our own sacred grove.” Isn’t that true?!?! The pure faith of a young man has served as an example and blessing to the world many times throughout history. I pray that the faith of this little boy and all the world fasting and praying together today result in modern day miracles.

    Many of the posts were about children and they were some of the most touching.  This is a reminder that we must “become as little children.” (Matthew 18:3)

    The second post said:

    I could not join the first global fast on March 29th. I was battling with COVID-19, fighting to stay alive. During this difficult time, I received a promise from my Heavenly Father: “These tribulations shall be but a small moment. But WHEN you are healed, testify to the world of the God of mercy”. I recovered through the fasting and prayers of others by God’s grace and mercy. Tomorrow, It is my turn to give back and to join this fast for all those who are facing this tough battle around the world so they may be blessed like I have been. I love Christ’s comforting words:
    These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
    May God bless us all!

    I am so grateful for these two powerful testimonies and I’m so thankful they shared them.

    I hope as a world we don’t soon forget this.  As things do return to normal, I hope we don’t immediately turn back to our old ways.  I hope we can learn, grow, love, and rely on God more than ever.

    Isaiah 40:31 reads:

    “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

    A friend posted something that I think is important to remember. He pointed out that the footnote for wait says “to hope for or anticipate.”  Let’s remember things won’t change overnight.  But as we continue in faith, Christ will pour out his spirit on us and the world can change. Finally, how grateful I am for a prophet that can lead a worldwide initiative of faith.  This affirms my testimony that he is a Prophet of God and he leads God’s church.  All are welcome to follow.

    We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet

  • Depression

    ** The following is a guest post written by my wife**

    It’s such a part of who I am and the course of my life, yet I’ve struggled to ever really discuss it with anybody aside from my therapists and maybe a few of my family members. Even then, I’m not sure I’ve ever really, openly discussed all the intricacies of my depression. It is difficult for me to completely explain the seemingly unexplainable. I’ve been plagued with a feeling of toxic perfectionism that doesn’t allow me to be vulnerable in letting others know that I may not lead a near-perfect life. Yet, as I’ve had loved ones seek to understand my condition, and others that suffer through depression around me seek someone to empathize with them, I’ve tried to bring myself to do it. Bit by bit, I’ve opened up. Sometimes in frustration, I just want to sum it up as “if you know, you know” and call it good. But that is not enough. Individuals, family members, institutions, others with depression need to know.

    So what does it really feel like? There’s no good, singular answer. I’ve labored over the answer to this question many times. For me, it is not a weight laying heavily on me. I don’t feel like the people in the commercials that have a dark rain cloud following over their head wherever they go. If I do feel glimpses of emotion, they are always lined with sadness and exhaustion. Most of the time though, it’s a feeling of nothing. Absolutely nothing. Emptiness. Darkness. Sometimes I cope by being super goofy so that I don’t have to feel nothingness for just a moment. It can be napping literally all day because, even with the guilt and self-loathing that comes with wasting an entire day, it’s better than facing that feeling of not feeling. And when I can get up, any attempt I make at getting anything done is overwhelmed by an extreme inability to focus on anything.

    My dad could always see when I was going through really bad depression. He said I never actually looked sad. In fact, I just looked dead behind the eyes. He said that out of sadness for me and with love. It came somewhat close to describing how I felt, or rather didn’t feel, in those times. Eventually, when you’re in the midst of a depressive episode, you begin to convince yourself that this is the new you. You will never be successful again. You will be a burden and failure for the rest of your life. I was very lucky to never feel like I wanted to end my life but, with feelings like that, it isn’t difficult for me to see how people get there.

    So why don’t you just get up? Go on a hike, play a game, talk to someone, you’ll feel better.

    While all of those suggestions can help, they often served as a constant reminder that I couldn’t even manage the most basic methods of self-care. It made me feel that people would never really understand. I continue to wonder why people really need to understand how it feels. I ask, can you still support me and sympathize with me even if you can’t understand? While that seems like a fair compromise, I still think I can try to help others get a glimpse of my perspective. We can meet in the middle.

    My message to loved ones wondering what they did wrong: You’ve done nothing to cause this. Even I’ve done nothing to cause this. Do not burden yourself with the feeling that you could have done something to stop me from having depression. What you can do is love. Sometimes that means lowering expectations for a while. Sometimes that means just learning to listen instead of feeling like you must come up with the solution. Sometimes that means you’re only able to say, “I love you and I want you here.”

    There is such a lack of support for mental health institutionally that I wouldn’t even attempt to address it in depth. But as each of us listen more and learn more we can be a solution. I remember in the worst of my depression I had to withdraw from an entire semester at Arizona State University. It was such a difficult process to navigate even if I had been fully healthy. You had to jump through numerous hoops, get that documentation, speak to this person, go here and there. I’m not sure I would have been able to do it without my parents there and some semblance of functionality. Even though I was privileged enough to get treated by a medical professional and continue to graduation, I’ll always have a “withdrawal” on my transcript. I felt pain and guilt about that for a long time. We need to understand better.

    While my depression has been well controlled for years now, it’s never truly gone. It can sneak in when I least expect it. I make sure to take my medication daily and be mindful of triggers and warning signs. I try to be vocal with my husband when I feel it creeping in. It causes me sometimes paralyzing fear. I’m sometimes afraid to do things I would like to do because I’m not sure when is the next time it will hit hard. I’m hesitant to take steps in my career, steps in building a family, and to make big commitments. I’ve had to learn how to continue with life without limiting myself. But I also must know when it’s time to take a step back and to accept that it’s okay that I don’t feel okay.

    A bout with depression is something that comes and goes. Sometimes it’s here for a few weeks, sometimes for years at a time. Maybe it will come back tomorrow or in 5 years. I don’t know. The only thing I know is that the pain we feel with depression is temporary. When I think of eternity, I know I’m capable of living past this painful moment. I’ve done it before and I will continue to do so. I can consider it a blessing that through my Savior, Jesus Christ, and my understanding of the Plan of Salvation, my depression has taught me how to truly persevere.