No Coincidences

Tag: life

  • Pondering on Death, Eternity, Growth, and Mortality

    Pondering on Death, Eternity, Growth, and Mortality

    Emma Smith, the wife of the prophet, was once given a promise that is worth pondering.

    Emma had a 14-month-old child die.

    As a father of three, the thought is unimaginable. Reading through the list of Smith children that died in infanthood is heartbreaking.

    According to Alexander Smith, Emma’s son who made it to adulthood, shortly before her death in 1879 she had a vision where Joseph Smith visited her and promised her she would raise all her children who had not lived to adulthood after her mortality ended.

    What are the implications of this?

    I believe what can be gleaned from this is powerful, comforting, and gives a look into the truly magnificent love and power of a Father in Heaven. I believe the truths restored by Joseph Smith to be awe-inspiring. I believe the truths revealed by Joseph Smith should be awe-inspiring if he truly was a prophet of God. I believe that to be truth.

    I’ve read near-death experiences that describe young children playing in heaven. I still wonder about, and don’t comprehend, age, mortality, “childhood and adulthood”, maturity, time, and the importance of our bodies.

    Those categories: age, mortality, childhood and adulthood, maturity, time, and our bodies seem like a wide-ranging and somewhat unrelated group of topics.

    But what was shared with Emma Smith makes those topics intertwined.

    What is age? In mortality, I am 30 years older than my children. But in the eternities their spirits are eternal, they never had a beginning. Who I am to say that I am any more “mature” than my two sweet daughters? My two young girls teach me and inspire me daily. I believe I came to earth before them to guide them, lead them, watch over them – a great and marvelous calling and responsibility – but they’re also here to guide, lead, and watch over me. It’s the great circular of life (not to be confused with, though very similar to, the Circle of Life in the Lion King).

    In this sense, what is childhood and adulthood?

    It is one eternal round.

    But that experience – of me raising my children and the humility that brings – and my children being raised – and the humility that takes – clearly has significance and importance to our eternal progression. This explains why Emma was given this promise that she would one day raise the children she lost. She missed that opportunity, but in God’s Plan, nothing is truly missed. It’s all one eternal round. It all comes back. This should be a great comfort to anyone who has lost any loved ones, to anyone who’s felt they missed any mortal opportunity – to raise children, get married, or have any mortal experience – this should be a great comfort to all.

    Another significant message to take from this vision given to Emma is the importance of the family unit. Just because Emma’s children died as infants didn’t mean they weren’t her children. They would always be her children. She would always be their mother. The family unit is important. The family unit is eternal.

    I’ve touched on age, mortality, childhood and adulthood, maturity, and time – 5 of the 6 seemingly random topics. What of our bodies?

    Our bodies have eternal significance and their growth has eternal significance. We can not be like our Father in Heaven until we are resurrected and have bodies like His. I’ve been pondering on this a lot lately. The elements are eternal. Element can not be destroyed. When God created Adam and Eve’s bodies from the dust of the earth, He was taking eternal element and making a tabernacle for them. Our eternal spirits are housed in eternal element. There is something extraordinary and significant about our bodies. We cannot be properly resurrected beings, we cannot be like our Heavenly Father, without attaining our bodies.

    After our resurrection we will attain our bodies for the rest of eternity and therefore be more like our Father.

    Finally, the biggest thing to take away from Emma’s experience is how ignorant we are of the complete workings of God. We can rest assured that a perfect and all-loving Father in heaven will make ALL things right. Every last item that is a concern to us – death, raising children, marriage, relationships, family – all of it will be understood and made right in a perfect way.

    I have no doubt that my Heavenly Father, and your Heavenly Father, loves all of us in such a deep and incomprehensible way. I have faith in His love and His character. I have faith in His Plan. I know all our concerns are but the concerns of a child wanting a chocolate bar at a store. The child can’t see the grand scheme and can’t see how the world can be right while leaving the store without a chocolate bar. One day our eyes will be opened and we will see that the chocolate bar wasn’t as important as we thought, for our Father had created a plan to give us all the chocolate our heart could desire.

    If we follow Him and trust Him, it all will be made right.

  • Raising our Children

    Raising our Children

    I don’t understand the timing of eternity. I don’t understand how it’s going to work out.

    There is a peculiar promise made to Emma Smith in church history. That promise was that she would be able to raise to adulthood the children she had lost.

    I always found this strange.

    Why would she want to raise her children after life on earth? Their souls will be grown, and they will no longer need rearing to adulthood like they would have needed on earth. Are there children in heaven?

    Then the other day I was spending time with Ivy and Sage. Wren was also in the room. Ivy said something very smart. Sage said something very cute. Wren spit up. I realized how precious each of these phases was.

    While I’d always considered this promise strange, in that moment it made sense. I wouldn’t want to miss out on any of these moments or phases with my daughters. Each age, each moment, each day is so unique with each of them.

    Right now Ivy is becoming so smart and so helpful.

    Right now Sage is so trusting and so happy.

    Right now Wren is so innocent and so cute.

    I could add 100 more individual adjectives for them at these specific moments. They are each so unique.

    A common theme of my prayers is asking God the question: What did I do to earn these precious gifts?

    I don’t know how I could possibly be worthy of these unique and special souls that have been sent down to me. I look at Ivy, Sage, and Wren and just marvel at who they are.

    I marvel that the world goes day-to-day without answers to these questions:

    Why am I here?

    Where did I come from?

    Where am I going?

    What happens to those we love when they move on?

    This life is so hard but without the inkling of an understanding of what comes next, it seems so hopeless.

    The Plan of Salvation is a Plan of Happiness. Because God loves us He gave us families. Because He loves us He gave us the chance to come to this planet to learn.

    I marvel at this plan and that I get to be a part of it.

    I don’t know exactly how things work after this life. I don’t know how eternity works. But I do know that God is perfect and He loves us perfectly. I know that nothing will be lost – not one moment, not one gift.

    I know that God gave me these daughters not for this life but for eternity. I know we’ll be together forever.

  • Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    Wren Sonora Quackenbush 1/20/2025

    It’s interesting considering what you can glean about a soul in the signs they give before their arrival.

    On Monday 1/20/25, someone asked me if I wanted to play basketball that night, I said I probably shouldn’t because Beth wouldn’t appreciate that. He asked when the baby was coming. I said, “Any day now. She’s being stubborn.”

    Maybe because Ivy and Sage both came a week early, maybe because Beth was extremely done with this pregnancy, maybe a combination of factors, but for 14 days leading up to Monday 1/20 we were thinking it would be any day.

    That led to a lot of anticipation. WHY AREN’T WE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL?

    Friday 1/17 Beth and I spent the night on the couch as she was having irregular contractions most of the night. We were ready at any moment to pack up and leave.

    Flash forward to 1/20 and I was at basketball practice when Beth called. She thought it was really happening this time. I told the team and was off, not super optimistic that it was actually happening. Once I arrived at the house, I knew it was happening.

    We quickly gathered our bags and were out the door. Ivy and Sage waved with Grandma and Aunt Jane from the front door. I’ll probably always remember that image. My two girls, my world, not fully realizing how their worlds were about to change – in challenging but amazing ways.

    I’m writing this from the hospital and I’m so excited for them to meet their new sister.

    What Wren lacked in initiative pushing us to the hospital she made up for once we arrived. We got to the hospital around 5:00pm and she was born at 6:05pm.

    Ivy and Sage’s births were fast and felt whirlwind-like. This had a whirlwind feel given the pace, but it really didn’t feel frantic at all. It felt very under control. Of course, who am I to say? Beth would probably say it was a complete whirlwind of chaos.

    When Beth and I were planning to get married our Bishop at the time had a sit down with us. I remember him commenting on how Beth came from a family of five children and I came from a family of six. He made a statement that I’ve remembered ever since. It was something like, “You two will have no problem having children.”

    I’m not sure how he meant it at the time, but with how Ivy, Sage, and now Wren have come, I can’t help but feel like it was a Bishop’s blessing. That’s how I’ve taken it ever since.

    Wren’s coming could not have gone any more smoothly.

    It felt like a blessed and sanctified process.

    It felt guided and protected.

    Again, Beth might not agree, I’m ultimately just a bystander to the process. I think she would agree though. Maybe we should ask her.

    This isn’t to say that difficult pregnancies or deliveries are any less special. On the contrary, challenges sometimes make the blessings more powerful. We all have our own experiences with this miracle. And that’s what each and every birth is: A miracle.

    I am grateful for a strong and capable wife that can do this unimaginable thing. We are blessed that this process has gone well for us three times. I do not take this for granted.

    So Wren arrived with a lot more hair at 6:05pm.

    I’ve described this process before. See Ivy and Sage’s welcome to life posts. I’ll try to put it into words for a third time.

    My heart didn’t split, it expanded. As I looked at Wren, Ivy and Sage flashed before my eyes. I thought about how I loved each of them so powerfully. I can’t remember if I was brought to tears immediately with the other two. Maybe I should go back and read their posts. I wanted to write this before reading Ivy or Sage’s so this could be completely original.

    But as I looked at Wren I had to hold back tears. Not sure why the third hit me so hard. Maybe it was the pace of things. Maybe three is a special number, and when your heart expands that third time, something special happens.

    I don’t know.

    All I know is I love her so much.

    It’s crazy, you know. I can’t believe I’m here, on earth. I can’t believe I’ve been given the power and ability to create life. The greatest gift of all existence, the power to create life, and it’s been entrusted to me. I can’t believe I have three daughters. I can’t believe I have a wife that is so special and such a great mother. I can’t believe I’ll get to be with them forever, for the rest of this life, and beyond. I can’t believe Wren was born into a covenant, ensuring that as long as I do my part she will be mine forever. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I often think about what I did to deserve all this. And I can’t for the life of me figure it out.

    But I’m anxious to say thank you one day.

    So, welcome to this life Wren. It’s hard but rewarding. It’s scary, but if you know why you’re here, there is peace. It is overwhelming, but you’ve been given a family to help with that.

    I love you baby girl and look so forward to seeing how your personality shapes and develops to add to our family. Thank you for coming to join us. We love you so.

  • Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    Suffering, a Moment, a Breakdown

    I want to share a story that just happened to me.

    I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know what happened. That’s why I’m writing it. Maybe writing it down will help me to understand.

    It’s 1/2/25 at 9:00 in the morning. It’s my first day back at work in something like 2 weeks. I’m driving to a client’s office. I’m listening to a podcast called Y Religion. They’re discussing 50 relics of the restoration; 50 items from the time the gospel of Jesus Christ was being restored.

    They mention a microphone used by Spencer W. Kimball. I love Spencer W. Kimball. He is one of my favorite prophets.

    As I’m writing this, I’m remembering what they talked about before this microphone. What they talked about before this microphone was the original manuscript of Jesus the Christ written by James E. Talmage. They emphasized that the writing of Jesus the Christ, one of the most impactful books of my life, was inspired by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints attempting to re-emphasize its focus on what is most important: Jesus Christ.

    The podcasters said sometimes the culture needs to be reminded of what our most important focus is.

    I wondered if the Church needs that reminder again today.

    I remember thinking that President Russell M. Nelson, a prophet today, is trying.

    They talked about the microphone. Brad Wilcox, the provider of one of my all-time favorite talks/speeches/dissertations (His Grace is Sufficient) started talking about Spencer W. Kimball. He shared a story from when he was on his mission and for the first time would hear a radio broadcast of General Conference. Back in those days, certain countries only got Conference in written word months after Conference completed. Brad Wilcox as a young missionary was disappointed when the radio turned on and he realized it was just a translator. Of course it was a translator. The message needed to be broadcast to this particular area in Spanish.

    Then, he said, Spencer W. Kimball came on the radio with his telltale, well-known scratchy voice. The small group of saints asked Brad, “Who is that????”

    He replied, and as he told the story he choked up, “That is the prophet of God.”

    On the podcast, they then started to discuss the sacrifice that Spencer Kimball went through – losing his vocal cords and continuing to preach, speak regularly, and guide God’s church.

    I thought about that sacrifice.

    What have we gone through?

    Have we lost our vocal cords and then been asked to continue to preach?

    I thought about that sacrifice. I thought about that prophet of God. I thought about that voice.

    And while I was driving in the car, I was crying. I didn’t even know I was crying. I didn’t know why I was crying. I still don’t know why I was crying.

    I started thinking about why I was crying.

    They talked about the kindness of Spencer W. Kimball and how losing his vocal cords made him so gentle, so empathetic to the suffering of others.

    I thought about my current calling as Elders Quorum President.

    I thought about how much I fall short in that calling.

    I thought about telling my quorum that I’m a bad ministering brother. But I try. And asking them, who are also bad ministering brothers, to also try.

    I thought about all the suffering I’ve learned about in our ward since becoming president. I thought about all the loneliness and sickness and illness and suffering and heartache.

    I thought about my daughters.

    I thought about the client I was about to see and some of the personal things he had told me about his family when he invited me to a Suns game once.

    I thought about the suffering of his family.

    I thought about all the suffering my daughters would have to endure in this life.

    And I asked why.

    And I cried harder.

    And I reminded myself of why.

    We know the why. Luckily, I know the why. I’ve written about it here a hundred times.

    And then I pulled up to a light. And I looked directly at a homeless man. And I thought about giving him a dollar. And I wondered if the light was going to change. And I thought about how I didn’t want him to have to limp over to me for a dollar. Then he started to limp over to me. And I let him pass. And I let him walk back by me. And I wondered if he had a drug addiction.

    And I thought about all the suffering in the world.

    And I cried.

    I wrote this. And I still don’t know quite what it means.

    I know the world is going to get a lot harder and there’s going to be a lot of suffering.

    And I’m going to ask why, despite knowing the answer.

    And I realize that sometimes knowing why will make it easier, maybe even help, and sometimes, maybe it won’t.

    And I worry about my daughters.

    And I worry about this world.

    And I worry about all the lost and lonely people.

    And I wonder why.

    And I want Jesus Christ to come back so it can stop. I want to help. But my efforts seem so small and fruitless. I’m a bad ministering brother and a bad Elders Quorum President and I wonder, I can’t possibly be who God needs in this position now.

    And I feel so small.

    And I just want Christ to come back and fix it all.

    But I know before that happens this all has to get a lot harder. It has to get so much harder.

    And I worry.

    And I have faith.

    And I wonder if my faith is enough.

    And I cry.

    So I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, hoping the client can’t tell that I’ve been crying. And I go about my day, always with why in the back of my mind.

  • Why Do I Care?

    Why Do I Care?

    I’ve been thinking recently. Why I care about this?

    This being – the Gospel, the Church of Jesus Christ, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Jesus Christ in general.

    Let’s start with Jesus Christ in general. I feel like I write about this constantly and it’s the constant conclusion to one of my posts, so I’ll be brief here. I care about Jesus Christ in general because He has given me everything. The least I can do in return is share Him, follow Him, try my best to be like Him.

    Let’s go broader. Why do I care about the Gospel and the Church of Jesus Christ? That, I think goes in line with why I care about Jesus Christ Himself. If I care about Him, then I would care about His church, and I’d want to share His gospel. That lines up.

    You’ll notice I distinguished the Church of Jesus Christ with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is what I want to focus on and think about here.

    Why do I care to share that I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? Why do I invite people to church? Why do I invite people to activities? Why do I share Book of Mormons? Why do I invite people to meet with the missionaries? Why do I share being a latter-day saint? Why do I talk about it? Why does it matter? Why do I care? Why do I keep doing it with such little success?

    It’s something I think about relatively often. The why?

    How do I stay motivated to write spiritually themed blog posts every week not very many read and fewer still are interested in?

    Why do I keep having gospel discussions with people and trying to convince them that this is the restored Church of Jesus Christ – when everyone I talk to disagrees, or worse, doesn’t care?

    Why do I keep inviting people to church and activities when they never come?

    Why do I keep sharing scriptures and conference talks that no one reads or listens to?

    Why is being a “Mormon” important?

    Hmm.

    Sounds depressing right? Sometimes it’s hard. Being a member missionary is hard. It’s discouraging. It seems like an endlessly fruitless effort.

    And yet I’m not being persecuted or crucified so I have really nothing to complain about compared to saints from earlier times.

    So, I’ve distinguished “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” from “The Church of Jesus Christ” but that’s really the answer to the question of why. I do all these things, no matter how hard or discouraging, because I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Church of Jesus Christ. I believe they are one and the same. I believe this is Christ’s restored church. I believe it is the way back to Him. I believe I was called and sent here to share it. That’s why I do it. That’s why I care.

    I have a friend who converted to this church who once said something I found fascinating. He said, basically, “Whether it’s true or not, I don’t care. This church brings me happiness. It’s made my life better. It’s made me a better person. It’s made me feel closer to God. Is it true? Is it the One True Church? I don’t know. Really, I don’t care.”

    He doesn’t care because for him it’s about his well-being. This church has helped his life and brought him joy. What does he care about the rest of it? While I think in a completely different way, I can appreciate this line of logic, this way of thinking. This person is an extreme pragmatist. So when he said this statement, it told me a lot about him.

    Does what this individual said make him any less of a latter-day saint and disciple of Christ than me? I’ll say, I think it could, but it doesn’t. This person is still one of the most faithful, serving, selfless, Christ-like individuals I know. Ultimately his why doesn’t matter as much as who he is becoming, which is more like Jesus Christ.

    I consider that person’s why somewhat temporal. ‘This church has been good to me and brought me joy, I’m for it.’

    My why is different.

    My question is, what if the church doesn’t bring you joy? What if it makes your life worse? This friend of mine might leave if that were the case. Right now he has no reason to leave.

    Maybe this is why so many leave. They don’t see how the church is benefitting them.

    This friend and I have a mutual friend. The mutual friend is very interested in religion and so we’ve had religious conversations together. After a few discussions, my friend said the mutual friend would never join the church. He said the mutual friend had too much to lose. His family would disown him, his wife would hate him, his whole life would change. It would be too hard. Should that person join the church?

    My friend would say no.

    Again, my why is different.

    I look at that and say, “Is it true?”

    Response from hypothetical person, “Well…”

    “No well, is it true?”

    If it’s true, if God sent a prophet, and that prophet established a church, and it’s Christ’s church – if it’s true – what else matters?

    Is it true?

    I believe it is.

    That’s why it matters. That’s why I care. That’s why it’s so important to me.

    I’ll write more on the temporal vs spiritual benefits of the church another time. But for now, I wanted to share that.

    Is it true?

    Yes.

    Then it matters. It matters more than anything else on this entire earth.