No Coincidences

Tag: love

  • -ites: Politics

    -ites: Politics

    4 Nephi 1:16-17

    16 And there were no envyings, nor strifes, nor tumults, nor whoredoms, nor lyings, nor murders, nor any manner of lasciviousness; and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.

    17 There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God.

    After Christ came and established peace in the land, we have the above account from 4 Nephi in the Book of Mormon.  Before Christ came there had been many contentions – different denominations, different groups and sects.  Sound familiar?

    The world we live in today is full of envyings, strifes, tumults, whoredoms, lyings, murders, and all manner of lasciviousness.  We are separated into so many groups of -ites.

    Let’s take a look at a few of the categories we separate ourselves into:

    • Poor, middle, upper class
    • Educated and uneducated.
    • Religious and non religious
    • Asian, American, African, Hispanic, European, Russian, etc.

    Believers in Christ separate themselves:

    • Catholic
    • Baptist
    • Lutheran
    • Latter-day Saint
    • Non-denomination

    Even Latter-day Saints have their separations:

    • Member and nonmember
    • Return missionary and non-return missionary
    • Convert and pioneer heritage

    Factions and divisions are prevalent no matter how small a group is broken down into in society. Sometimes it feels like if two people were put in a room they would only find things to disagree on. I list all these groups and ways we separate ourselves to lead to a point. One of the most polarizing groups we separate ourselves into, especially in America, is our political party.

    The political landscape today is full of so much vitriol, so much animosity. Sometimes I fear our politics is what will be the ultimate downfall of all unity and kindness in the United States. There are other times I’m positive political beliefs will be the end of all love in the world.

    This post does a great job in describing the major issue with politics today:

    https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/49040923/posts/48634

    Please give it a read. The post talks about how in politics we often hate the other side more than we care about our own side.

    Democrats and Republicans are the modern-day Nephites and Lamanites.  They are titles, distinctions, parties.  All they do is separate us from one another.  As soon as we look at somebody as a Republican or a Democrat and assume something negative about them, we are unfairly characterizing that individual.  Whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, you know someone of the other party that you like.  If only we could see the viewpoints of other parties and understand the reason they think that way, it would make such a difference.

    All these categories described above, and especially political affiliation, they are all modern day -ites.  If we don’t start uniting and working together, this will all fall apart.

    As we approach another heated political season, I hope we all remember that we’re in this together. The Republican isn’t all that different from their Democrat neighbor. Love and accept and try to see why others have different viewpoints. Often when we put ourselves in the shoes of another and try to understand why they think the way they think, we will be shocked at how quickly we at least understand where they’re coming from.

    There are so many ways we differentiate ourselves. I hope we can do our best to focus on the one category we all belong to: children of our Heavenly Father. We are brothers and sisters, all in this test of life together. I hope we can start to act like it.

    Just imagine. What if the politics in America was better represented by this image than the one above?

    That’s a political landscape I’d like to be a part of.

  • White Privilege

    White Privilege

    I’ve tried to think if there’s something I can write right now.  There’s nothing I can write that will change the world.  That’s desperately what I’d like to do.  Maybe I could write something that makes a tiny difference. A friend of mine who is in a better position to speak on the pain being experienced by so many said in a video that it helps when we speak up. So, I’m speaking up.

    I’ve tried to decide if there’s something I can write for my black brothers and sisters.

    Let me start there.  I’m not saying African American.  No one calls me Finnish-American.  I am American.  My brothers and sisters aren’t African American.  Few of my friends have ever been to Africa.  They’re as American as I am.

    I’m going to give a personal anecdote that taught me something. Before you read, know going in, this is not me giving a commentary about how discrimination happens to white people too or to share that we are all discriminated against. Please get to my point at the end of the story.

    One early evening a couple years ago Beth and I left my condo to go get food.  I took a right turn a bit hastily through a red light, I didn’t yield as I should have.  I saw the police officer behind me.  He followed me briefly and pulled me over.  He came to my window.  He was a young, white, male officer.  Couldn’t have been older than 30.  He approached my window and asked for license and registration.  I handed it to him.

    He took my information back to his vehicle.  He came back and discussed why he pulled me over.  I knew why. 

    He was not being pleasant.  He was not kind.  He seemed angry at the inconvenience of having to pull me over.  He proceeded to tell me that recently someone was killed at a crosswalk because someone like me didn’t yield.  I apologized and said I understood.  I made a mistake and shouldn’t drive like that through crosswalks.  To this day I think about it almost every time I approach a red light.  I should have been more cautious.

    The officer was very…unkind.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  His tone, his demeanor, his stance, everything was aggressive.  Then he looked in at Beth and told her to give him her license.  She told him she didn’t have her license since she wasn’t driving.  This is where the whole situation turned.  He got really angry.  He told her she was required to provide her identification, and not in a nice way.  Beth said that wasn’t true.  She didn’t say it in a nasty way, just stated that wasn’t true and anyways she didn’t have her license on her.

    He then continued by saying that he didn’t know if we had just stolen this car and he needed her license to verify that, and that she was required to provide it.  He had my license and registration for my car in his hands so he knew the car wasn’t stolen.  I politely stated I lived just down the street and we could get her license if it was necessary.  But now he was being nasty and Beth was upset.  He started aggressively telling her, basically, that she was dumb for thinking she didn’t need her license when she left the house. 

    He got out a pen and paper and took down her information and looked her up.  He then told us he had bigger criminals to catch and to get out of here.  He didn’t give me a ticket, just told us to leave.  He told us we wasted his time because he wanted to catch criminals.

    For those wondering – I’ve since checked the legality of leaving your home without identification.  “It is absolutely not illegal to walk around on the street without ID in the United States of America. Under the 4th Amendment of the Constitution you are secure from unreasonable searches and providing your identification is a form of search.”

    I left that interaction feeling uncomfortable. Beth was extremely upset. I felt uneasy. I felt a little abused. I felt like a man took an opportunity from a position of power to make me feel small, to insult my girlfriend, to show his power.

    I’ve told this story to lead to one big, important point:

    At no point in that interaction did I ever fear for my life or fear for the safety of my (then) girlfriend.  It was uncomfortable.  That was it.  I never felt truly threatened. I’ve since thought what it would be like to be in that situation, to feel everything I felt that day, with the added feeling that my life might be in danger. I’ll likely never know what that feels like.

    I know there are good cops everywhere.  I know only some are bad.  Let’s get that completely out of the way.  That is not what this is about.

    That’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about fear and oppression.  I don’t fear like that.  Why?  Why do some of my brothers and sisters have to fear?

    The title of this post is White Privilege. I want to say something I think I’ve realized far too late. Saying white people have white privilege isn’t an insult to white people.  I am white.  There may have been a time when I heard “white privilege” and took offense to this phrase.  Not anymore.  It’s time we accept that we’ve been given a leg up compared to so many others.  White privilege isn’t a personal attack on me.  It’s a fact.  We have to stop taking these statements of fact as an insult.  They’re not.  They’re facts.

    I’m sorry.  I know these words don’t change anything.  I know things need to change. I’m sorry I don’t know how to help change it.  I’m sorry I don’t know how to bring more love into the hearts of every person here.  I’m sorry there are people that hate.  I’m sorry there are people who discriminate.  I’m sorry there are people that kill.  I’m sorry there are people without empathy when a man is begging for air.  I’m sorry.  I know it doesn’t change anything. 

    I love my black brothers and sisters.  I’m sorry you have to fear.  It’s not right.

    I’d like to share two things a friend of mine shared, two ways we can start to make a small difference.

    1. Stop saying the N word. Don’t say it. Ever.
    2. Don’t let the little comments slide by. When you hear racist remarks or comments, speak up. Say something.

    All I can do is speak up, say my part. I know it’s not much. I love you. Many more people love you than you realize. There is more good in the world than we’re lead to believe.  I have to believe that.  I have to hold on to that.  I know that doesn’t change the world.  All I can do is hope.  Hope that love will eventually prevail.  Hope that discrimination and hate will end.  Maybe it won’t in this life. Or maybe we can still change. Maybe we can still make a difference.

    _________________________

    These are some links, videos, music that I’ve viewed recently that have impacted me. Please listen and read:

    President Nelson Calls for Repentance in Statement on Racism:

    https://www.ldsliving.com/President-Nelson-Calls-for-Repentance-in-Statement-on-Racism/s/92936

    Life of Privilege Explained:

    ****EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING****:

  • An Angel

    An Angel

    Some of God’s children are special beyond measure.

    They never lose their innocence and childlike wonder.

    I have a cousin who is like that.

    She taught me a lot.

    She has taught me about true joy.  She has taught me about true happiness.

    The simple things in life would bring such a laugh.

    The kind of laugh you couldn’t avoid.

    The kind of laugh that made you laugh, I guess because her joy was so contagious, so infectious.

    Olivia and her bike

    I had to laugh with her.

    God’s plan is perfect. 

    Despite a loving family, loving parents and siblings, there was never a perfect place on this earth for her.

    I’m not sure she ever had a comfortable moment on this earth.

    Despite that, still the joy, the joy was ever present.

    A new dress.  A butterfly.  A rad motorcycle.

    She could teach us so much.

    There was never a perfect place for her on this earth.

    I know when I next see her, she will be clothed with such beauty and glory that I will be blinded by her.

    But God’s plan is perfect.

    I know there is a perfect place for her with Him.

    If you looked very closely you could see her glory here.

    I know there is a perfect place for her.

    I’ve never been around a soul who deserved a perfect place more.

    I’m thankful for what she has taught me.  I’m grateful for her strength.  I’m grateful for her fight to stay here and teach us.

    I know her family is grieving now.  We all are.  We grieve when someone so good is taken from us.

    Take comfort in where she’s gone.

    No place was good enough for her here.  She’s finally in a place deserving of her light.

    We will miss her.

    Enjoy paradise Olivia. You are a princess every day and I can’t wait to see you again.

  • You Sent a Dog to Save a Girl

    You Sent a Dog to Save a Girl

    *I wrote this to my wife when she lost her family dog and best friend of the previous 12 years.*

    You sent a dog to save a girl.  I have never gotten a full story.  I’ve never heard a full account.  I have seen the love in her eyes.  I’ve seen her hug and care for and love a creature with so much love.  It’s love I know she’ll one day pour out upon a child tenfold.  It’s maybe what drew me to her in the first place.  Her obvious ability to love and care for others.  She will be an amazing mother partly due to a dog.

    I’ve only known that dog to be old.  I’ve only known the whines and the cries.  The confusion.  From my eyes he has been ready for a long while.  But he wouldn’t let her go.  He knew she still needed him.  I saw a puppy in pictures.  I saw a puppy in her eyes every time she laid with him and pet his curly black fur.  I saw love for a dog that never left her.  I saw my wife, with so much capacity to love, unable to stop loving a dog that couldn’t stop loving her.

    I never heard of every night.  I know they existed.  The nights that she cried.  The nights she felt so alone.  The nights that she thought, “why did I upend my life, to what end?”  I know there were many tear-filled nights.  I had to go through the same.  I had a roommate and a best friend some of those nights, so I know.  I know what comfort is in those moments.  I know that on every tear-filled night there was a furry, black, kind creature that wouldn’t leave her side.  I know this because I’ve seen the love she holds for an animal that saved her life. 

    I will never understand the full extent of the bond between my wife and this dog.  I’ve only seen an animal that can hardly see or move, let alone play.  I see the love in her eyes, and I know he used to play.  He always comforted.  He was always there for her.

    Now his time has come.  I know this will be one of the hardest things my wife ever goes through.  Maybe the hardest thing since she changed her whole life to come back home.  He was there for her then.  He can’t be there for her anymore.  I know he’s been waiting.  He’s been waiting for me.  I now must replace the perfect, never ending, never ceasing, never decreasing love and devotion of your creature.  He wouldn’t leave her.  Now he must.  I’ll love her and care for her to the best of my ability.  I hope to come close to the love of a dog for his girl.

    I don’t know where my wife would be without a fluffy, black dog.  I don’t know if I ever would have met her.  In a million ways we would have never crossed paths.  If not for a dog, she wouldn’t be in my life.  If not for the many nights of comfort when she didn’t know if she could do it.  If not for every time he nuzzled her tears and begged for a pat on the head.  If not for his love, who knows where my wife would be?

    You knew my wife needed a dog.  You sent the perfect one.

    Now it’s his time to move on.  I’m sure it means there’s a child or an individual who needs him more.  You sent an angel in a fluffy, black, four-legged body to bring light to a home and to a young girl.  Now he’s needed elsewhere.  I pray only that I can love her as he loved her.  Support her as he supported her.  Comfort her as he comforted her. 

    You are a Father who loves us so much.  You send creatures to save our lives.  You love us in many ways, including through the loving eyes of a puppy.

    You sent Parley to save my wife.
    Thank you.

  • Love is Powerful

    Love is Powerful

    I was once asked a question I surprisingly had never truly dived into.  What was different about the first time I met with the bishop when coming back to church?   Why did I come back?

    I’ve written about some of the coincidences leading to me getting to the Bishop’s office and ultimately coming back to church.  But how did I stay?  Coming back once, for a fleeting moment of revival, that’s easy.  What really brought me back?

    I wrote in The Inspiration about cancelling that first appointment with the bishop.  That appointment eventually got rescheduled. 

    I remember walking into Bishop Thurston’s office.  It was a small room, like most bishop’s offices.  I believe there was a picture of the First Presidency, and Christ.  At other points in my life both pictures might have made me feel uncomfortable, unworthy, judged.  Maybe not the picture of Christ.  His image has always brought me warmth, if not alongside guilt.

    First Presidency February 2008 – January  2018

    I remember being so nervous.  What were we going to talk about?  It had been almost 10 years since I sat in a bishop’s office.  Was he going to grill me?  Was I going to have to confess all my sins?  Was this going to be a moment I looked back on in disgust?  Was he going to judge me?  Was he going to wonder what brought this messed up individual into his office?

    And then he smiled.  He shook my hand.

    If you’ve seen the smile of Kody Thurston, you know it.  If you’ve seen the smile of a loving bishop anywhere in this world, you know this smile.  They’re the same anywhere.

    He asked me to sit and I believe he offered the prayer.  Then we started to talk.  I remember not knowing what to do with my hands, I was fiddling with them in my lap.  I remember looking down a lot.  Every time I looked up he would be looking right at me.

    We talked about where I’d been, where I was going, my family.  We got to know each other.  I don’t remember much about the exact conversation.  I do remember what I didn’t feel, judged.

    Then he asked the question, I think it was, “Do you have anything you need to talk about?”  It was a loaded question, but it didn’t feel like it.  I knew if I said no he would move on.

    I had come into that room with zero intention of confessing my sins and opening my heart to a stranger.  Then this strange thing happens in a room with a person who has been sent and commissioned by Jesus Christ for this very purpose.  There’s a feeling in a room when the spirit is there.  It’s overwhelming.  I didn’t say much.  I implied some things; I got some things off my chest.  He didn’t ask much.  He moved forward.  That’s what I remember.  Moving forward.

    I talk about no coincidences.  I know it wasn’t a coincidence that I came back at that time.  Maybe it’s an excuse for me taking so long, but I know that God knew who and what I needed when I came back.  I firmly believe that God waited until I was ready and put Bishop Thurston in a position to be there when I was ready.  I don’t think I would have made it without him.

    When I was getting ready to leave, he said he wanted to see me again soon, within the week.  He told me to reach out to his assistant and schedule it soon.  He told me to tell his assistant to make it happen in the next week no matter what, even if I had to come to his house.  That’s another thing I’ll never forget.  Come to his house?  Why did this stranger want to see me again so soon?

    I was once asked what made me come back?  Love.  Love made me come back.  I knew when I left that office, without a shadow of a doubt, that the stranger I just met cared about me so deeply.  Is that something I could know?  I guess not, I couldn’t know it.  He could have been faking it.  The reason it has stuck with me, and the reason I came back, is because it wasn’t something I knew, it was something I felt. Like testimony or faith, it was something I couldn’t deny and something I’ll never forget.  At the end of that meeting I felt like I’d just met somebody who would do anything in his power, anything he possibly could, to help me.  I felt the love of Jesus Christ for me, displayed through this stranger so potently, with such power. 

    I left that office feeling good.  I’ll admit something.  I tried to keep it together.  I really tried.  I drove away from the building.  I pulled over within a minute.  I cried and I cried.  It was like the love I wouldn’t allow myself to feel Christ giving me for so long poured over me with such intensity.  I cry today thinking about it.

    Those first few weeks coming back were really hard.  Really, really hard.  When it got to feel like too much to continue on that path, like I couldn’t do it, I thought about the love I felt that day. I thought about that little bishop’s office where I felt something, and my heart changed.  I thought about the moment in my car after.  I realized I never wanted to be without that love, ever again.  That’s what brought me back and kept me coming back.

    Love is powerful.