No Coincidences

Tag: mistakes

  • Letter to a Sinner

    Letter to a Sinner

    I write this with as much humility as possible.  Fully knowing and understanding my weaknesses have given me perspective.  It is my faults and errors that make me feel like I can write this letter. 

    I remember when I came back to church I was asked to not take the sacrament for three weeks.  It was one of the more difficult things I had to do, although it doesn’t sound like much.  I think it was the moment I realized I had changed.  Something that in the past might not have affected me too much, really hurt.  It was difficult coming back and immediately feeling like maybe I’m not enough.  Maybe I could have gone the route of resentment.  Instead I realized how much I didn’t want to have to go through that again.

    I don’t in any way imply I’m better than someone who can’t take the sacrament and does feel resentment.  We all have our own paths.  Mine was of being completely away, coming back, and realizing I deserved my three weeks.  Some are never officially away so that state of probation seems unfair or not right.  I understand that.

    This is my letter to the sinner.  A reminder, that includes all of us.  This is the sinner who has made mistakes.  This particular sinner might come from a perfect family and part of their struggle is feeling like they don’t fit in in the one place they should feel welcome.  This sinner might feel judged by the very people that should love them the most.  It doesn’t matter if those family, friends, and caring loved ones are right or wrong.  It matters how the sinner interprets things.  We all live our own experiences and encounter the world in different ways.  We must, to the best our abilities, see the world in perfect light and perfect truth.

    Here is my letter to a hypothetical sinner:

    You will never be like the “perfect” people you see around you.  You won’t.  Your path has been set.  Your path has been set partly by different “luck,” different experiences.  Partly by your choices.  My life was set by very bad choices.  But now that I’ve come out of the other side, my joy is greater than I could have ever imagined.  You won’t be “perfect”, but you’ll be who Heavenly Father sees you can be.  You won’t be “better” than those who never made the mistakes you made, but you might be stronger.  Your path will lead you somewhere wholly different.  And if you decide you want to come through to the other side: to truly know your Savior, to know forgiveness, to know what being welcomed home feels like even if you don’t think you’ll ever deserve it – if you come to that other side with that relationship with your Savior, your testimony will be welded in steel, as hard as diamond.  You’ll have gone through the refiner’s fire and come out united with He who gives all strength.  This is no excuse to continue to sin.  You know the light.  You’ve seen and felt the light.  I knew the light and I turned from it.  I hope to help anyone not make the same mistake.

    You will make mistakes.  You will sin.  But no matter what, you have to remember Jesus Christ.  Because while the world will judge you and you’ll have to struggle with that, He will judge you with a perfect love and comprehension.  Remember that those around you are trying to judge you with love.  They’re trying to love you righteously.  Jesus Christ doesn’t try.  He is perfect love.  Don’t forget it.  Don’t forget that those around you whose points of view you can’t understand, they’re trying to be like Jesus Christ.  They may be falling short.  But that’s not for you to judge.  Just as they can’t judge you, you can’t judge their intentions or efforts.  Just love and do your best. 

    I’m sorry you have to go through trials.  But do not lose sight of Jesus Christ.  Do not.  He is the only person true peace can come from.  Whatever you do, whatever mistakes you make, do not forget HIM.  He won’t forget you.  I promise.

    At this point I must apologize.  Throughout this letter I’ve referred to you as “the sinner.”  I know that phrase hurt the whole way through.  I know it because I’ve felt it.  I did it throughout the whole letter to get to this point.  I want to remind you, “sinner” is not who you are.  It will never be who you are.  We all sin but that’s not what God and Jesus Christ see in us.  No matter how many mistakes we make.  No matter how many slip ups or downright wrong things you do, you are not a sinner.  You are a child of Heavenly Father.  You are growing.  You are learning.  I reiterate something I said earlier, this does not excuse your sin.  Sin is wrong, you know that.  Christ will see your sin.  What means much more to Him is your repentance.  He doesn’t see who you were but who you will be. 

    “God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep trying.”

    Elder Dale G. Renlund in April 2015 Conference talk “Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying”
  • Listen, Learn, Love

    Listen, Learn, Love

    I recently listened to an episode from a podcast called Listen, Learn Love.  This podcast has opened up my ways of thinking on a few topics.  The episode I listened to recently I basically want to summarize (steal) because the points made are so simple, so well-said, and so true. 

    Here is a link to the website for the podcast if you want to learn more: https://www.listenlearnandlove.org/

    The episode I recently listened to that I’m writing thoughts on here is episode 2 and can be found if you search for podcast “Listen, Learn, and Love.”

    The podcast is hosted by Richard Ostler.  He is a former Young Single Adult Ward Bishop.  He has now done 334 episodes of his podcast which “was created out of the desire to better understand our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters.  We believe in God and in His decree to love one another.” – from the mission statement on the website. 

    Episode 2 does not focus on the LGBTQ+ topic which I feel is an extremely important topic in the church.  Still, this episode is also important and I learned a lot from it.

    The topic was faith-crisis.  Whether minor or major, any faith crisis is difficult to go through.  When I was returning to church my uncle said something that has stuck with me.  He said he wouldn’t wish the losing of faith on his worst enemy.  You can lose cars, homes, family, money, everything in this world, but losing your faith is the hardest thing that a person can possibly go through.

    As I continue to write I will be presenting many ideas that came directly from Brother Ostler.  Please listen to the episode.  For ease of writing, I won’t reference Brother Ostler in everything I’ll continue to say. Just know most of these thoughts came directly from him, and I hope to re-state them without taking too much away from them.

    In my writing, I often refer to “The Church.” When I say this I am referring to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Something I’d never considered is how important it is to clarify what we mean when we say, “The Church.” The Latter-day Saint Church could mean different things to different people.

    A couple categories for “The Church” are

    1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
      • This was described beautifully by Brother Ostler as a pristine, clear-watered pool.  No murkiness.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect in every way. This hasn’t been completely revealed yet.
    2. The restored Church of Jesus Christ.
      • It has the restored priesthood and priesthood keys. Ideally, this would be perfect.  I think we sometimes confuse this category with the next category I’ll mention.  The restored Church of Jesus Christ should be perfect.  The problem is, as we know, Christ must use fallible men and women to run His church.
    3. The institutional church.
      • This is where we get into a flawed organization. The institutional church has many people, programs, and policies that are meant to implement the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The institutional church is run by men and women and therefore has flaws.  Christ guides the institutional church, but people make mistakes. Brother Ostler points out in the podcast that as a YSA Bishop he was a part of the institutional church and he knew he made mistakes as a Bishop, a leader in the church.

    Much of the hurt that comes into the souls of God’s children is caused by the institutional church.  It is critical to not confuse “The Church” the institution with the pure and perfect Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    A faith crisis is a serious event that can happen to anybody. You can’t always read and pray a faith crisis away.  We are here to develop faith and while here our faith will be tested.  Sometimes to the very brink.  It’s important to get our roots in the correct place.  Is your faith in a bishop?  It shouldn’t be, it should be in Jesus Christ.  The best bishop in the world can let you down.  Jesus Christ can not.

    The fourth article of faith: “We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the gospel are: FIRST, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

    The Articles of Faith can be read here.  I invite everyone to read and focus on the first four articles of faith in the Restored Church of Jesus Christ.  You’ll notice not only is Jesus Christ’s name in the name of the Church, but that He is referenced three times in the first four articles. 

    Our foundation must be on Christ.

    Brother Ostler talked about the Policy Statement of 2015 and how it created a “mini faith crisis” for him.  These were changes made by the institutional church and have since been reversed.  He talked about how difficult that was for him, personally.  He is not the first person I’ve heard that was impacted in a sad, difficult way by those changes.  He emphasized that the brethren (leaders of the church) were doing their best.  Brother Ostler referred to dominoes, and how the policy statements started to make dominoes fall in his faith.  What saved Brother Ostler’s faith was that all his dominoes didn’t fall.  As he stated so perfectly, some of his dominoes had roots to the center of the earth and couldn’t be shaken.  He referenced Jesus Christ, priesthood blessings, and temples as the foundation of his faith.

    The 2015 Policy Statement is a good example of what separates the institutional church from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The institutional church can and does make mistakes. Jesus Christ does not reverse. Jesus Christ does not change.

    We must change the way we discuss faith crises.  There are too many people who leave the church because they don’t feel heard.  The idea that you can read or pray away a faith crisis is inaccurate and often leads individuals to feel like the “Church” is avoiding their concerns.  We have to listen, as the Savior did, to those with concerns.  Ask questions.  Having a faith crisis does not mean someone is sinning.  It can mean that, but it doesn’t always.  Brother Ostler is a perfect example.  His self-described “mini faith crisis” came while he was a YSA bishop spending dozens of hours each week in service to others.  He was reading, praying, and serving as much as anyone could at that time.  Imagine telling a bishop he needs to pray more, or read more, or do more to fix your problem.  One could rightfully be turned off by this suggestion.

    We must stop considering a faith crisis as a dirty topic that we must avoid.  Thousands are having one at this moment.  Those with unshaken faith must support and lift those who have a hard time. We must address questions head on and strengthen our faith together. We must strengthen each other. We are family. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is meant for everyone. 

    Now I’d like to share some of my personal story.  I returned to church in 2016.  I narrowly missed being an active member of the church when the policy statements came out.  I know this was a hard time for the church.  I know many people left.  I know many people, like Brother Ostler, were shaken by the announcement. 

    I’ve often thought about my faith.  I feel fortunate and blessed to have never experienced a personal faith crisis.  Even in my time away from the church, I never doubted that Jesus Christ died for me.  I never doubted Joseph Smith was a prophet.  I never doubted the restored Church of Jesus Christ.  I never doubted the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  While I was living completely opposite to some of the teachings the church, I still knew it was true.  I know I caused many head scratches from those who witnessed my verbal devotion while clearly ignoring all the precepts of the church.

    I said my faith has always been a blessing to me.  I believe it has.  When I was living opposite to the principles of the gospel it felt like a curse.  I’m sure I will need to answer for that one day.  If I knew it so much to be true, I believe I’ll be more accountable for my behavior.  Maybe that’s what gives me so much faith in Jesus Christ.  I know how important His Atonement is to me personally.  I have too many spots on my garments.  Without Him I am a damned soul. 

    Maybe that’s difficult for others who have never grievously sinned.  It’s easy to appreciate a lifeboat when you’re sinking in the ocean.  What if you’re safe on shore, do you still have the same appreciation for the lifeboat?  I’m not implying those who have lived just, kind, good lives start to finish are in anyway unappreciative of the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for them.  I’m truly amazed by those I see that have been faithful and true for all of their mortal journey.  I can only speak for myself.  I was not true for all of my journey and it makes me worship and love my Savior so intensely. 

    I wonder what would have happened if I was in church in 2015.  Would I have struggled?  Would I have left?

    I don’t know the answer to many questions.

    A book I read recently repeated the idea that we (humanity) know so much; space travel, geography, math, science.  Ask someone to give some thoughts about nature or history and everyone can provide some insight.  Ask someone to provide some thoughts about who they are, and they will struggle.  We often know and understand ourselves least of all the things in the world. I take comfort in knowing there are two individuals who know me infinitely better than I currently know myself.

    I want to give advice to anyone currently in a faith crisis.  Fight.  Don’t lose your faith.  Please.  It’s the most valuable thing on this earth.  You can lose your family, money, cars, your home, and you can lose your faith.  I hope we all fight for our faith.  Focus your faith on what is most important.  All your questions – ask them.  Doubt.  Wonder.  Have concern.  Voice your concerns.  But don’t forget where faith should lie.  Jesus Christ is the only name whereby men can be saved (Acts 4:12).

    Sometimes people will hurt, disappoint, or let you down. Sometimes those people may be leaders you trust. We all hurt and disappoint people we love. We must hope that we will receive mercy for the hurt we cause, and therefore should show mercy to those who hurt us. The great giver of all mercy is Jesus Christ. He loves each of us. He wants each of us to do whatever we can to come closer to Him. Stay close to Him and He will never let you down.

    Find those experiences in your memory that remind you that Jesus Christ guides His church.  Read the Book of Mormon and ask yourself if it could be false.  Then ask yourself, if it is false, how can it so perfectly testify of Jesus Christ?

    Find your foundation in sure things.  The pure faith in Christ.  Then fight for that faith.  We hope the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can be a faith building organization for all.  We hope that the covenants we make can strengthen our faith and the faith of those around us.  But at all costs, do not mix the pure, perfect, pristine waters of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the sometimes-murky institution run by us here on earth.