No Coincidences

Tag: Prayer

  • Guilt

    Guilt

    Every once in a while, I feel guilt for things I did, the person I used to be, the people I hurt, the pain I caused, the horrible things I was a part of. I know it seems…like I haven’t really changed if I only feel that guilt every once in a while. Guilt is an interesting thing. 

    Every once in a while, I look back on who I was. I’ll feel some guilt for the worst things I was a part of. I think I’ll always feel that, in this life, to some extent. It’s like a prick in my side, as the scriptures would say. It stays with me because I need to be reminded of where bad choices lead.

    The most interesting thing about the guilt of my past is it’s not really there, anymore. By this I mean, when I think about it, I more think about the people I hurt, and I feel sorry. But those feelings have become distant, like an old me.

    I know there will be, or I hope there will be, some people who read this that I did hurt. I know they’re going to read this and scoff. “Oh good for you, you’ve been forgiven. What about me? The person you hurt.” That’s the guilt that still hits me sometimes.

    I have tried to reach out to some people from my past, especially early on. There were things I had to say and people I had to speak to before the weight of my guilt could be lifted off me. It’s intrersting…for years I didn’t let go of some of the weight I was carrying. And it was a weight. It was slowly killing me.

    I haven’t been forgiven because of myself. I haven’t chosen to forgive myself.

    I know a lot of my friends who have only known me in the last few years read this. They might sometimes wonder what makes me so passionate about church, God, the gospel, etc.

    I know a lot of my friends and people who knew me back when I was in full “of the world” mode and they now wonder, “What the heck changed? When did he become a God nut?”

    I know there are people from high school who will think similar things.

    I hope this explains a little bit about why I’ve become so passionate to share about Jesus Christ, to talk about Jesus Christ, to write about Jesus Christ. I hope for everyone who knew me in high school, everyone who knew me through college, everyone who knew me through church, I hope this can explain why I can’t stop talking about Jesus Christ.

    At least once a week I cry in gratitude. Because when I think about my past, it’s not really there anymore. Like I said, some guilt will always be there. But the overwhelming sadness at who I used to be is gone. I shed tears once a week asking God why. Why did He save me? What am I worth to Him?

    I can’t be ashamed of Jesus Christ anymore. I was ashamed and embarrassed to be a believer and outward worshiper of Him for too long.

    Today, I feel with an all too real sensation that He died for me. He suffered, and bled, and was scourged, and was insulted, and humbly took it, for me. Without Him that guilt would still be killing me. I’ve been washed clean by His blood. And that’s why I’ve changed. For all those who used to know me, that’s why I am the way I am now. Because the feeling of what Christ did for me is too real of a feeling.

    This forgiveness didn’t come over night. I didn’t one day feel great. It was months and months of being on my knees, crying, begging. It was reaching out to certain people. It was being humble enough to admit I made so many mistakes. And over time, I don’t know exactly when it happened, but one day my guilt was a thing of the past. Sometimes I feel guilt because my guilt is a thing of the past.

    Guilt is an interesting thing.

    I still make many, many mistakes.

    If there is anyone reading this that is still scoffing, thinking, “Well you were a jerk to me, screw you.” Please forgive me. You can comment here anonymously and really lay into me. I know there are still things I might need to make up for. Christ forgave me but others might still have to. Please reach out to me if I ever hurt you so I can try my best to ask for your forgiveness.

    For anyone reading this who thinks their choices are who they are. Your choices make you only if you continue to make them. As soon as you decide to change someone will be there to change you. Guilt doesn’t have to be with you forever. It can be washed away. Trust me, it’s a miraculous feeling. 

    I sometimes wonder how I could change so drastically. Being a person who said things like “washed clean in the blood of Christ” or “Christ saved me.” I never thought I would say things like that. They sound so corny. Then, in quiet moments by myself I’m overwhelmed by God’s love and that He gave His Son to die…for me. Then I decide I’ll be as corny as I have to be. I can’t be embarrassed anymore. I just can’t. Because I know Christ was never embarrassed to claim me. Through all my mistakes and through all the moments He should have turned His back on me, He never would, He never did. He always loved me. 

    I haven’t been forgiven because of myself. I’ve been forgiven because of Him. It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given and it’s free to us all. 

    It’s why I still cry EVERY time I hear this song: 

    And I Stand All Amazed:

    Video “Remembering in Whom We Have Trusted” by Elder Allen D. Haynie 

    *I wrote this sometime around 2019. As I edited it to post in 2026, I felt some sadness at things that are less true than they were 7 years ago. For example, I no longer cry at least once a week. I think about this sometimes. I really used to cry once a week, during the sacrament, when I thought about what Christ did for me. It’s less often now.

    While I want to retain that passion and that burning feeling of gratitude within me for what Christ has done for me, it’s also kind of beautiful that I’m less emotional. Part of the reason I’m less emotional is because I feel less guilt about past deeds. I think over time the Atonement of Jesus Christ has more and more healed my soul and my guilt.

    I still owe Him a tremendous debt of gratitude. I still owe Him everything. I hope to hold to those emotions while also being able to let go of past guilt as best I can. It’s a balance. A balance afforded me by the Great Healer.

  • Simplified Husbandship

    Simplified Husbandship

    These are the highlights I typed up for myself from a book called Simplified Husbandship | Simplified Fathership by Richard M. Eyre. I typed this up mostly for myself to refer back to.

    This is only on the simplified husbandship portion of the book. These are the quotes, summaries, and most important points I found from the book.

    “To become a better husband –

    change yourself

    not your wife.”

    “The home should be the center of growth, happiness, of excitement. If your home isn’t a happier place now than it was a year ago, you’re not progressing.”

    “A marriage of oneness should have a Venn diagram that is as circular as possible in the middle. When the marriage doesn’t have enough oneness, the middle is like a football.”

    “This type of marriage, like a football, is erratic and hard to predict. There is no telling where it will bounce.”

    “The best way for a husband to pursue this kind of oneness lies not in efforts to change his wife or even in efforts to change the marriage relationship. His best chance lies in changing himself.”

    Partnership-Plan-Pray

    Communication – “Oneness is an impossibility between two who share only part of what they feel.” This one really hits home for me. I’m not a great communicator.

    Inspiration – “The third partner should be the Lord.”

    One strategy for partnership –

    Wife handles the “inside partnership” of inside-the-home things such as home, children, personal kingdom, etc.

    Husband handles the “outside partnership” of outside-the-home things such as money, providing necessities, involvement in outside causes like church and civic, etc.

    In the above example, the wife would be general manager of inside partnership and husband participating partner and vice versa.

    Each night before prayer each gives a brief report on their stewardship, and receives comments, questions, or insight from the participating partner. Both participate, but one is in charge of each.

    During scheduling, attempt is made to find an hour where roles are reversed. Husband spends time with the children on the inside and wife shifts to outside activities, church, civic, or personal. (This seems extremely structured, to the point that it might border on unrealistic, practically speaking. But I still like the premise).

    Partnership – “day planning” – evening prayer.

    Each has a role and the Lord is the supervising partner.

    Partnership meeting is simple and shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. The results:

    1. Each learns more about the arena where he or she did not spend the day (and becomes more appreciative of what the other is doing).
    2. Each gives input and ideas for the other’s benefit.
    3. Each thinks about what he or she will do the next day in both the general and the limited role.
    4. The prayer becomes far more specific and meaningful (because it is about things just discussed).
    5. Both sleep better when the next day is clear and challenging rather than hazy and uncertain.

    Things I personally could talk about with the outside responsibilities:

    1. Schedule for work / coaching / gym / church calling / projects
      • Go over my daily items
    2. Investments and status
    3. Finances – budget (handled by Beth, could be a part of her report).

    Once a month dinner date, reviewing the month. Review the past month and set goals for the month ahead.

    Once a year “honey-moon” vacation to review the last year and the year ahead.

    Principles:

    1. Total communication and openness
    2. Complementary roles (separate but shared responsibility)
    3. Shared goals and plans
    4. Adding the Lord to your partnership through earnest, regular prayer together

    “If exaltation is the goal, marriage partnerships must fold together in purpose and communication until they become one. We often imagine that temple marriages differ from civil marriages in quantity (they last longer), but, in fact, their quantity will be great only if their quality is great, only if oneness is obtained.”

    “Agreeing to disagree on some things is fine among friends and business partners but not between marriage partners striving for oneness.”

    “Partners are separated when they compete in any context other than fun.”

    “Emerson said, “Marriages do not fail, people fail. All marriages do is show those failures up.””

    Partnership-Plan-Pray Summary:

    • My wife is my partner in all I do.
    • We share everything, including our deepest feelings.
    • We plan our time together and share objectives for our lives inside and outside our home.
    • We pray together regularly, and preceding the prayer is a discussion of our partnership.

    Protect-Pamper-‘Preciate

    “A woman’s ego is no weaker than a man’s, but hers works in a slightly different way. Hers usually is best fed when she is cared for, complimented, appreciated, protected – even pampered a bit – not with the patronizing implication that she is weaker, less able, but with the implication that she is more special, important, and genuinely valued. A wife who receives sincere compliments, who is appreciated, who feels needed and cherished and protected, seems to gain a soft strength, a kind of clear-headed fulfillment that raises her toward her full potential in many areas.”

    “It’s the old notion of “out-giving” that can make marriages even more beautiful. Have you ever watched what happens to a basketball team when one player is so unselfish that he is always looking for a teammate to get the ball to? Other players respond in kind. The ball moves faster; everyone gets better shots. The teamwork of marriage can be similar.”

    Me – This is similar to the advice I received early in my marriage. When I confided in someone about my frustrations with doing household chores, that someone asked me point blank, “Why are you doing chores?” They asked if it was to one-up or get an edge on my wife. They asked how the Savior served. They pointed out that this life is meant for us to become like the Savior. The Savior never asked for anything in return when he served others. If I’m cleaning the house or doing something so that I’m owed something or appreciated by my wife, what’s the point? It’s not service, it’s a way to get an advantage. They said to love and serve my wife for that simple purpose. Because I love her and I want her to be happy, and for no other reason. My life and marriage are better when I realize and remember this.

    “It is not the addition of responsibility and children that destroy romance. It is the subtraction of courtship, of chivalry, of living to make the other person happy.”

    Protect-Pamper-‘Preciate Summary:

    • I love my wife deeply and understand her need to feel cherished and loved. 
    • I feel tenderness toward her and want to find meaningful ways to compliment her, to be chivalrous and protective of her. 
    • I watch her closely and notice the time she needs the “lift” of a tender kiss, a word of sincere appreciation, a helping hand, a date.” 

    Patriarch-Priesthood

    A wife is asked, “What would you do if your husband were to ask you to do something you didn’t agree with, not something unrighteous, but something you didn’t want to do?” 

    She responds, “I would tell him I didn’t want to, and we would discuss it.” 

    “Yes, and most things you would work out and agree on. But let’s say in this instance you still didn’t agree. You thought it was the wrong decision, but he still wanted it. What would you do?  

    She says, “I wouldn’t do it.” 

    “That’s what I want to talk to you about. You would have two options in that situation. One, to refuse. Or two, to say, ‘Yes, you know my feelings, but if you still feel it is right, I will accept your decision.’ If you take the first option you get into a power struggle and minimize his chance to change or repent if he is wrong (his ego, if you defy him, will lock him into his wrong choice). If you take the second option, you show trust and giving, and you maximize his chance to change if his decision is wrong. (The other side of the husband’s ego is the one which feels the responsibility to protect and be fair with his wife who puts her confidence in him.)” 

    The husband is then asked, “Would you ever do that? Demand that your wife do something she did not agree with? If you do, you will sooner or later destroy your relationship. If you force decisions on her, you abuse her trust and become a tyrant. That is what you do if you demand.” 

    If either the husband or wife remembers this, it will work. If the wife respects the priesthood, the husband will use it well. If the husband counsels and communicates rather than demands, the wife will respect the husband and they will be one, with the priesthood belonging to both together. 

    I would add that this example works the other way around as well. If the wife decides on something and doesn’t respect the disagreement of the husband and the husband refuses to compromise, it becomes a problem.

    “In a baseball game the pitcher throws the ball, the catcher catches it. The roles are equal but different. They could rotate, the catcher throwing every other pitch, but they would do less well in the game. In the patriarchal order, the husband holds the priesthood and the wife shares it. The “head of the home” (the husband’s role) and the “heart of the home” (the wife’s role) are equal but different in that both draw on the great, inherent strengths of each.”

    To be a strong priesthood leader in a home:

    1. Take the lead in planning the week together each Sunday. 
    1. Use the priesthood more in the home (for blessings, etc.). 
    1. Have a short personal interview with each child on Sunday evening. 
    1. Hold a good family prayer each morning and a “partnership prayer” with your wife each night.  

    Patriarch-Priesthood Summary:

    • My wife shares the priesthood with me, and we are equal partners. But I hold that authority and I have the righteous strength that helps her feel secure and fulfilled in her support. 
    • I take the lead in planning and goal-setting, in family prayer, and in personal interviews with each of the children. 
    • I realize that there is no intervening link in the priesthood chain between myself and the Lord. As a father I am entitled to direct inspiration for my wife and children. I ask for that inspiration and receive it. 
    • I use the priesthood often in my home for personal blessings and to keep the Lord’s Spirit present.  

    Priority 

    “Lack of commitment is Satan’s key tool in destroying relationships. Without commitment, little problems and disagreements can become final ones.” 

    A “planning” husband: “In addition to planning with my wife, I consciously ‘prioritize’ my wife in my personal planning. When I plan my week, I think about her first, and the fist thing I put on my calendar is our Friday night date. Then I ask her about her schedule and try to work out when she might need me. I try to plan at least one little surprise for her each week.” 

    A less planning husband, “I just watch Pattie and try to notice when she needs a little pick up. Also, and I don’t always remember this, I try to make my last thought of the day, just before I got to sleep, be of Patti. I think, ‘What can I do for Pattie tomorrow?…It’s fun to try to think of her for a moment each night just as I doze off.” 

    Priority Summary:  

    • My wife comes first in my plans, my schedule, my priorities. 
    • When I have decisions to make, my first thought is always how they will affect her. 
    • I consciously try to find “little things” to do for her on a regular basis.  

    Becoming these things 

    “Most husbands, busy with jobs, callings, and concerns of all varieties, cannot be constantly thinking of their roles as husbands. Therefore, becoming these four qualities to the point where you live them naturally is the only practical, workable way to improve your husbandship.” 

    “Self-programming” is the idea of making these qualities subconscious, so they don’t have to constantly be thought about. The point is to become these husband qualities.  

    Methods of self-programming 

    1. Running 
    1. Meditation 
    • The same kind of self-programming can be done in meditation. Simply sit comfortably in a quiet place, close your eyes and quiet your mind as best you can. Then begin – “I put my wife first,” etc. 
    1. Shaving 
    1. The last thought of the day. 
    • The quiet night, with no light or distraction, is a good time to say, “I am the patriarch of my home. I lead righteously through the priesthood. Last week I gave a priesthood blessing to little Nell. I watch for opportunities to use the priesthood.” And so on. 

    “Each method of self-programming can be strengthened by prayer. We have great power to change ourselves, but our Heavenly Father is the true changing force.” 

  • Good Samaritan Mechanic

    Good Samaritan Mechanic

    I referenced our “van issues” in this post about our trip to Six Flags in April 2024. It is a story worth telling even all this time later. The six hour drive turned into 10 hours. This is how.

    We were planning to drive to California. The van was packed and ready to go. 

    Beth had started not feeling well the day before. As our time for leaving approached, she voiced more concern about how she was feeling. I reassured her that she would be okay once we got going.

    We didn’t get far before Beth said she couldn’t do it. She was too sick to be in the car for 6 hours to California. 

    Back home we went. We dropped off Beth and quickly unloaded her essentials. When Six Flags beckons, only the strong survive (just kidding Beth *mwah). 

    Back on the road we went. Just me and my two little girls.  

    We purchased the van we were driving from Beth’s parents. It drove well and had a brand-new engine but had some aesthetic issues. As we were driving Ivy began the drive with her normal excitement about our trip. It didn’t take long for her and Sage to both be asleep. In the quiet I started to hear things. A scraping sound was coming from the bottom of the van. 

    I pulled over and looked at the front of the van. It looked okay. Then I noticed a protective wheel well liner, the protective covering near tires, was flapping. That’s what was dragging. It seemed okay so I kept driving. I was paying close attention and noted that it started to make a very disconcerting noise if I got to 65 miles per hour or above. I couldn’t drive to California going less than 65 the whole way. 

    This led to me literally doing a back and forth exercise for the next 45 minutes. I drove ahead a little, I turned around, I called my mom, I turned back around for California, I called my dad, I pulled over and looked again, I turned back around for home, I turned back around for California.

    Like the wheel well liner, I was torn on what to do. Six Flags was waiting! Only the strong survived! Was I going to let this keep us from our already planned trip? 

    We had our SUV at home so I could have gone back, unloaded the whole car, girls, everything, then got back on the road. We were only about 45 minutes on our way. There was another problem. My brother was meeting us and the hotel was in our name. I wondered if he’d be able to stay in the room. I was in a difficult spot, and I didn’t know what to do. 

    I was praying this whole time, looking for an answer.

    Finally I decided I couldn’t risk driving the van with my girls in the back all the way to California. I turned around for the final time to go home.  

    That’s when Beth texted me a new thought – what if I looked for a place that could just fix up that part so we could make the drive? I figured it was worth a shot. I looked up a repair shop nearby and drove to it. The place I ended up at didn’t look right but I was resigned to trying one place and then giving up. At this point it was still early enough that we could get to California in a reasonable time if we hurried.  

    I wasn’t sure where I’d ended up, but it wasn’t a normal auto-repair shop. I parked the girls in front and ran into the building. Once inside, I knew I wasn’t in the right place. It was a corporate office with a front desk. Why did my navigation bring me here? 

    I decided I was already this far so I might as well ask. I started to explain my situation to the girl at the front desk who looked panicked. Panicked girl went and got another lady.  

    The other lady showed up. This lady exuded a lot more confidence than panicked lady. I think it was panicked lady’s first week. 

    I started explaining, “This is a long shot, it doesn’t look like I’m in the right kind of place, but I’m trying to go on a trip to California, my girls are in the car, and we’re having an issue with the car. I was wondering if anyone could take a quick look and see if there might be an easy fix just so we can make the drive.” 

    To my surprise, the lady asked if she could come look at it. She walked out to the van with me and got down on the ground. She quickly assessed what the issue was. She was talking out loud and wondering if she could fix it with tape, or if she could screw it in, or if it could be ripped off altogether. She stood up. “Follow me.” 

    Okay… I jumped in the car and followed her slowly as she walked around the side of this corporate building. In the back of the building was a huge auto repair shop. This was the place cars went when they were totaled. It was a massive corporate building with a giant repair shop attached.

    I saw the lady walk up to a mechanic in his bay, in the middle of a dozen other mechanics in their bays. Why did she choose this man? He was in the middle of working on a car. After a quick conference with him, she walked over to me and told me he was going to look at the car and see what he could do. He pulled the car he was in the middle of working on out and guided me into the spot.  

    I pulled in, somewhat bewildered by the kindness being shown. He immediately got down and started evaluating the problem. He quickly determined what was needed.  

    The girls continued to sit in their car seats while I stood outside the car. I opened their doors so they could see me.  

    “What are we doing, Daddy?” Ivy asked. I told her we were seeing if this nice guy could help us get to California. 

    I started talking to the guy and learned he had 6 children of his own under the age of 16.  

    He stood up. He told me what I needed to get it fixed and be able to make our trip to California. I was confused. I asked if he knew of a repair shop that could help.  

    “Oh, I’ll do it. Just go buy the part and bring it back here and I’ll get it fixed up for you.” 

    I was still kind of taken aback by the help I was receiving. 

    I hastily reserved the part at a nearby shop and got in the car to go pick it up. When I got back to the repair shop with the required part, my new angel mechanic friend put the part on. While he was at it, he took care of two other items that needed addressing. All told he spent over an hour fixing things on the van.

    At one point during the fix, what seemed to be the mechanic’s supervisor came by to see how some other work was coming along. I got worried, was I going to get this selfless good Samaritan in trouble? My mechanic (whose name, if you haven’t noticed, I embarrassingly can’t remember) explained how he was working on something and gave the timeline for that other car to get done. The supervisor was completely understanding and told him to take his time. This place seemed to have a phenomenal work environment.  

    When he finished his work, I still had the nerves of considering the drive to California in a car I wasn’t sure I could trust. I asked him if everything was good and if he would feel comfortable driving his family in it now.

    He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I wouldn’t send you away from here if I wasn’t confident those two girls would be safe.” 

    I was touched. As I re-read my writing of this story, and just remember that moment, of this man I didn’t know pausing his whole day to help me and then assuring me that my two daughters’ safety was the most important thing in the world to him, I’m just in awe of the kindness shown. 

    When Beth suggested seeing if the car could be fixed real quick, I said a prayer. I asked my Heavenly Father for help. I asked Him, if it was possible for us to still make our trip to California, to help me find a place that could fix the car. 

    After I picked up the part I needed and was driving back to the location with my good Samaritan, I was trying to search for the place. I knew its location, I was able to retrace my steps back to it, but I was curious how I ended up there in the first place. I couldn’t remember what I’d searched to find it. 

    “Car repair shop.” 

    “Mechanic nearby.” 

    “Car maintenance.” 

    “Auto shop by me.” 

    “Auto repair garage.” 

    “Car parts.” 

    On and on I tried. I couldn’t remember what I searched for, but surely it was one of those options. Nothing brought me back to that corporate garage. How did I get there in the first place? I still don’t know. 

    I’ve since (these two years later) spent considerable time searching Google Maps and various keywords to try to find this place. I don’t have a phenomenal sense of direction and honestly have very little clue of the rough area I was in. I’ve scoured Google Maps for mechanic, demolition, and salvage shops in the area I thought I was in. It’s like the place disappeared, an angelic phantom of my imagination that did real, concrete work on our van. The only proof I have that the place existed are the still present fixes on our van.

    I asked the mechanic if I could pay him. I knew what his answer would be. 

    “Knowing those girls are going to have a great trip with their dad, that’s reward enough.” 

    I told him and the woman that I prayed for help and believe I was led there. In an increasingly non-spiritual world, it was nice when they agreed and were happy to be the answers to my prayer. 

    What were the odds of arriving at that place, and meeting a woman willing to go outside and get on the ground to look at the fender of a van, and then be led to a man, and that man be willing to drop what he was doing in his busy day to fix that van – all for no payment, reward, or recognition in return? They were a real answer to prayer, real angels. 

    I’m grateful for kindness and good people. I did nothing to deserve this kindness. It is people like those individuals that make this world a better place. They exemplify why we’re here and I thank them for their example to me of selfless service.  

    Now I can’t believe it’s been almost two years since this experience. I want to send cookies, or this thank you, or anything. But I can’t find them. While I desperately want to thank those two people, maybe this just makes it more of a miracle. I ended up there miraculously as an answer to prayer, and it’s as if the place disappeared after.

    Those two people will never see this but thank you. That became a memorable trip for me and my girls. More importantly, I was reminded that there are still exceptionally good, amazing people out there. 

  • Developing Patience in Turmoil

    Developing Patience in Turmoil

    I gave a talk in church on 6/29/25. Since I put so much time and effort into typing out the thoughts for the talk, I like to put it into a blog post.

    The problem with my talks is I don’t prepare exactly what I’m going to say. I prepare more of an outline and try to “let the spirit guide.” I enjoy this way of speaking.

    On a sidenote, I know I’ve mentioned before my overwhelming fear with public speaking. It has gone from overwhelming to manageable. The last time I spoke in church I decided to wing it and try to speak without any preparation. I only used personal experiences and stories that time speaking but still filled 15 minutes. 6/29/25 was my first time speaking since that time “winging it” a few months ago. I think trying that made the mental fear of speaking in church a lot easier. After going in with no notes or preparation at all it and everything working out fine, surely if I prepare a little it will all work out, right?

    I guess I’m gaining some confidence.

    Anyways, I wanted to share the thoughts I put together from this recent talk.

    The topic I was assigned was “Developing Patience in Turmoil.”

    Beth was speaking ahead of me so I knew my introduction was going to be extra flexible. I had something planned just in case, but I expected to either use something I heard from Beth’s talk or something unplanned. I went with something slightly unplanned. As I’d just walked up from the pews with my girls, removing Ivy from my lap just before walking up, I made a comment about the aptness of my topic given I was brushing fishies and other snacks from my clothes as I walked up. Patience in Turmoil was a good topic for me to consider.

    From here, I’ll just put my notes from my talk, which give a rough feel for what I said that day in church.

    So…  turmoil.

    As I pondered this topic I really focused on that word – turmoil. What a word.

    What is turmoil? What does turmoil look like?

    “Turmoil refers to a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance. It can describe a situation marked by uncertainty, agitation, or a lack of order. It can also refer to inner turmoil, which is a state of emotional distress or conflict.”

    As I started thinking about this word, more and more circumstances, thoughts, stories, and examples kept coming to me:

    Me and my girls trying to go to the zoo. Crying, screaming, lost keys, searching.

    Turmoil – church with little ones. The pew we have commandeered in this our new ward has become a place of turmoil from the hour of 9:00am-10:00am every Sunday.

    Turmoil – a 7-hour drive to California with children. Patience.

    Turmoil – an aunt, mentor, and best friend dying of cancer. Patience.

    Turmoil – parents dealing with a daughter struggling at school.

    Turmoil – a good friend who’s 12-year-old daughter is dealing with a serious health issue. He just took her to Colorado for treatment.

    Turmoil – Mayo clinic down the street from us, how many people are dealing with turmoil there right now?

    Turmoil – a 14-year-old girl I coached this season whose father dies of an unexpected heart attack in the middle of a basketball season leaving her and her mother alone.

    Turmoil – Sister Ogle’s talk last week, turmoil in the unknown of church, if we should go, if we belong.

    Turmoil – a teenager that feels like they don’t belong.

    Turmoil – depression, sadness, uncertainty.

    Turmoil – worrying about how you’re going to pay the bills.

    Turmoil – not getting invited to the party.

    Turmoil – missing your best friend.

    Turmoil – a young boy that wants to come back to church but can’t give up all the bad habits he’s developed.

    That last one was me 10 years ago. Some of the others are me now. Some of the others are friends and loved ones of mine. Some of the other examples, I’m guessing, are you, in the audience.

    Turmoil. Turmoil. Turmoil.

    As I prepared for this talk, I really thought about this word. Turmoil. There are an infinite number of ways to experience turmoil. And here’s the thing, because you’re here on this earth, you’re experiencing turmoil. I know you are. I am. We all are. That’s part of this life.

    When I’m preparing a talk, I like to consider the message I can give that might help one person. But with this word, turmoil, there is too much variety, and yet we’re all experiencing it.

    It’s going to get a lot more turbulent in the coming years. We better get used to living in turmoil.

    *Phew. Depressing right? Yeah. I know. I really brought the mood down. Thank you for coming to hear me speak. Have a great Sunday….

    Just kidding. Let’s try to get uplifted.

    Let’s get back to my topic. Another word DEVELOPING.

    I thought about this word a lot too. Developing. How do you develop anything? You have to practice.

    You can only develop patience in turmoil if you’re practicing, meaning, living in turmoil. What an interesting concept. We don’t want to be in turmoil. We are constantly trying to make sure we’re not in turmoil. That means when life throws turmoil at us, we should use it. Don’t waste turmoil. Don’t waste opportunities to grow, and practice, and learn, and be better.

    So we’ve established we’re all living in turmoil, what do we do with it? Let’s get into the happy part of this topic.

    Patience.

    Ultimately patience is a peace around things we can’t control. Patience is trust in God. Patience is an inner calm.

    I have a blog I post spiritual thoughts to weekly. When I received my topic, I opened my computer to start formulating thoughts for this talk. I was reminded of a document I’ve had open on my computer for weeks, a blog post I’ve been working on titled “Was Satan Impatient?” I think it’s fascinating if you read and study Satan’s story in the scriptures closely, I believe there is evidence that he was extremely impatient to come to earth. I don’t think he trusted God’s plan. He thought he knew better, and he wanted to do things his way on his timeline.

    Now we’re not Satan but, sound familiar?

    Patience. Patience. I will use the word peace synonymously with patience. I think peace is patience.

    What can we do to have patience when everything around us is so hard, and we just want it to be better NOW?

    Real life strategies to develop patience:

    Meditation. I meditate for 10 minutes every day, no excuses. This often entails lying flat on the ground while two young girls literally crawl on top of me, slap, and otherwise torment me. Sometimes I get 10 minutes of actual quiet, prayerful, thoughtful, breathing and stretching time. Rarely. I started practicing meditation almost exactly one year ahead of Ivy being born. No coincidences. I think I needed to start that practice to be able to develop the patience I’d need to be a dad.

    Prayer. We have to be praying. Without prayer it is so easy to get quickly wrapped up into our day to day lives. We can be so focused on this earth that we forget where we came from and where we’re going. We should be praying multiple times a day to our Father and talking to Him like He’s our Father. We should be asking Him for help to be able to see the bigger picture and to have the patience we need to endure the trials and challenges we receive in this life.

    Look at the world as a child. LINK Ivy recently started saying in every prayer, “Heavenly Father, thank you for everything we have. And thank you for everything we don’t have.” How often do you thank Heavenly Father for everything you don’t have? I’ve never done that. That is childlike patience. Be grateful for everything Heavenly Father has given you and everything He hasn’t.

    An extremely impactful book I read when coming back to church was Visions of Glory. Something I learned from that book was to see the bigger picture. See that every person and every reaction you have, every pain and challenge is meant to change your very being into being more like God. By being on this earth, you are becoming God-like. This viewpoint, I think, can give us great patience especially when the people around us make life difficult. If you look at those people not as a hindrance but as someone sent here specifically to teach you something, that person becomes an essential and important element of your growth. There is power in this perspective.

    In a similar vein – Another thing we can do is think infinite – think eternal.

    In my personal opinion, the best talk President Nelson has given since becoming the prophet is Let God Prevail. I love this talk.

    How does President Nelson describe her as she is grieving over her father’s approach to death? Miopic. Think about that – President Nelson, the nicest, kindest, gentlest, sweetest soul on this earth. His granddaughter-in-law’s father is dying, and he describes her as miopic or nearsighted. I don’t think there was any malice in those words, just love. In that talk, President Nelson says this,

    “I am very proud of our precious granddaughter-in-law. During this heart-wrenching time in her life, dear Jill is learning to embrace God’s will for her dad, with an eternal perspective for her own life. By choosing to let God prevail, she is finding peace.”

    I will add, she is finding patience in turmoil.

    This is our ultimate strength in our battle to have patience in turmoil. Our greatest strength is to look beyond the troubling moment. Our greatest strength is to look beyond the earthly turmoil.

    I think patience is a Godly virtue. Here is a philosophical quandary for you – if God knows the beginning from the end, can He have patience? If He knows the beginning from the end, it can’t be described as patience, right?

    But here’s the thing, can WE know the beginning from the end…?

    Your immediate gut-reaction answer, I’m sure, like me, is “no.” – we can’t know the beginning from the end.

    Think about it. Can we know the beginning from the end? We can’t know all the details. We’re not omniscient. But do we know the end? We do know the end. We do know Jesus Christ died for us. We do know that ultimately God will prevail. We do know that we will leave this earth and return to a kind, loving, gracious Heavenly Father. We do know everything will be made right. Do you know that? I really want you to ask yourself that question, do you know these things to be true?

    *Give those present time to ponder this question.

    If you know these things to be true, what is there to fear? You can have all comfort through any turmoil. Does that make it easy? Of course not. This life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to stretch us.

    Now consider the great power of this knowledge.

    I would also like you to consider the great power and responsibility in sharing this knowledge with others.

    God has neither patience nor impatience. God has perfect faith. And that’s what He wants us to learn – to have perfect faith.

    Quick aside – does God have patience with us?

    As someone who was lost for so many years, and needed a lot of time to figure out just how much I needed God in my life – I will tell you resoundingly YES, God does have patience with us. He let me be lost until I was ready. God let me live in turmoil because that was what I chose. We don’t have to choose turmoil. Life will give us enough.

    So much of the world chooses to live in turmoil. Some don’t know there is a better option. How many people do you know that seem so lost? Share your light with them. Share the knowledge you have – Of a loving Heavenly Father that you knew and know, of a Savior and brother who loves you.

    We don’t have to choose more turmoil in our lives. Which leads me to…

    A final thought – we must not mistake patience for complacence.

    I feel like I have an interesting relationship with patience / complacence. My friends make fun of me for the happy-go-lucky, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to way I go about life. You know why I think that way? Because everything does work out. And everything will work out.

    The way to develop patience in turmoil is to remember that it will ALWAYS work out. No matter how hard it is. Difficulty serves a purpose.

    But we must not be complacent. Sometimes I fall into complacency.

    Just because the world is in turmoil doesn’t mean we become complacent.

    “There’s nothing I can do about evil in the world.” – there is.

    “There’s nothing I can do to make a change” – there always is.

    “Nobody is interested in the gospel anymore” – not true.

    “There is no good in the world, it’s all backbiting, lying, and hatred.” – NOT true.

    With your knowledge of eternity, you have power to change and shape this world and the minds, hearts, and outlooks of those around you.

    Be positive. Be patient. Be loving. Be sincere. Be honest. Be like Christ.

    What can we do amidst turmoil?

    Don’t miss the mark. Why can we survive in turmoil? Jesus Christ.

    Why can we push forward? Jesus Christ.

    Why can we have faith? Jesus Christ.

    Why is there no reason, ever, for us to fear? Jesus Christ.

    Why is there no reason for us to give up hope? Jesus Christ.

    Why can we cheer for joy, even amongst death, and emotional pain, and everything Satan can possibly throw at us? Jesus Christ.

    Don’t miss the mark. Don’t forget that He did it. He died. He came back. You will come back. You will one day stand by Him. And you’ll know you’re on the winning team. You’ll know this whole life experience, all the pain, all the doubt, all the heartache – He felt it too. And what was its purpose? Its purpose was to make you something you can’t even imagine.

    Will it be worth it?

    When we kneel before Jesus Christ and thank Him, will we even remember the pain?

    There is joy in pressing toward the mark. Don’t forget what you’re aiming for. Jesus Christ is the mark.

    Patience ultimately is peace. We can only have peace in this world if we focus on Jesus Christ.

  • A Lesson on Prayer from Ivy

    A Lesson on Prayer from Ivy

    “Become as little children” (Matthew 18:3).

    I think about this a lot.

    Ivy and I pray together often. Most nights at dinner. Most nights before bed.

    I used to say the prayer almost every time. Then most nights we both would say a prayer. Then we started splitting it 50/50, sometimes I would say it, sometimes Ivy would say it. Now she says it almost every time.

    It’s really neat to see her try to replicate what I say. When we were both saying a prayer each night, she would usually ask me to go first. When it was her turn, it was clear she was trying to repeat as much of what I said as she could remember.

    When she started asking to go first then demanding I repeat things she said, I knew she was close to taking over this important responsibility. I was very happy.

    It’s fun watching her prayers evolve.

    Recently she’s started saying something profound and powerful every night.

    “Heavenly Father, thank you for everything we have, and thank you for everything we don’t have.”

    When is the last time you thanked God for everything you don’t have?

    The faith of a little child. What a thing.

    Now Ivy is teaching me how to pray.

    I couldn’t be happier.