I recently heard a quote so good I want to quote it in full:
“Think about this. When a little baby is born, that baby cries at inopportune times, makes a lot of noise. It soils its diapers; it demands to be fed when it wants to be fed. It costs you a lot of money, a lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of lost sleep. So why do we keep putting up with these little creatures? It’s because there’s this deep, underlying feeling of love for these children of ours. We love them so much that we don’t look at what it’s costing us. We keep infusing life and we keep teaching, and we keep forgiving, and we keep working with, and we keep nurturing and feeding and helping them to grow to become who they need to become and who they have the capacity to become.”
I think that’s an awesome quote. Well said.
I’ve been thinking about this more lately. With a toddler that is so full of joy and happiness, and also, sometimes, not. And a 7-month-old that still isn’t sleeping great. And with plates thrown and irrational frustrations (by the toddler), and crying and no sleep and…
Ivy “loving” Sage
*Sigh
The energy it takes. The life force being sucked out of me.
And.
Would I go back if I could?
Not in a kagillion-billion-zillion-babillion years. I love them so much. It’s all worth it.
Is it hard? Heck yeah. It’s so hard. Do I feel like I’m dying a slow death sometimes? Uh, yeah, I do.
And then, Ivy smiles and says, “Dada. I love you.” And Sage sees me and inexplicably giggles. And suddenly, all that sucked out life force flows into my body from my head to my toes in a rush of energy and exhilaration and LOVE. It’s like nothing else in this world: looking at my two daughters. The love.
As a parent, speaking for myself, there’s a point where you become numb to the sacrifice and all you give up for your children. There was a time when having to get up once in the middle of the night to check on anything would ruin my entire night of sleep. At this moment, the average night has at least 3 middle-of-the-night wake ups. Zero wake ups in the night is a miracle.
Early on with Ivy, I really struggled with this. I started to wonder how I could survive without getting sleep. And now we’re starting over with Sage who doesn’t sleep nearly as well as Ivy did. I’m probably getting hours less sleep per week than I ever have. And yet I feel alive and invigorated. Somehow, I’m surviving. I think it’s that infusion of love I get from seeing them happy, healthy, and growing each day.
Ivy the morning after waking me up three times in the middle of the night. She didn’t go to sleep with the crown.
The time, the noise, the diapers, the feeding, the money, the energy, the sleep put into these “little creatures.” And yet, do I regret it? A resounding NO! I want more. I love them so much, it hurts. Sometimes it physically hurts how much I love them. That quote above came from a video of a guy discussing the Lectures on Faith. I’ll link it HERE.
He was talking about the attributes of God. That wasn’t where the quote ended.
“If we as mortal parents can figure that out (the love for our children), how much more do perfect, eternal parents have that figured out? God is a God motivated by love. It’s not just this outward thing, it’s part of the divine characteristic. God is love. Without that, you and I can’t have full faith in God unto life and salvation.”
We’re here to learn to love like God. God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost love so perfectly that they have become one in mission, intent, and purpose. That is the love I feel for my family. I would give anything for them. My wants and needs have taken three back seats. Beth, Ivy, and Sage’s needs are so much more important than mine. The “world” will try to say this is unhealthy, that I need to “put myself first” or “take care of myself.” Of course, I don’t completely disregard my health and care, but that idea that I come first is extremely wrong. I don’t come first. I know that. And not coming first is what gives me strength each day. That infusion of love that comes from my family makes every sacrifice the sweetest sacrifice there is.
If I feel this way, as a mortal man who knows how to give good gifts, how much more perfectly does God love me? How much more is He willing and able to give me because He loves me? I know God loves me. I am eternally grateful for His love. Now, He is teaching me how to love.
These are thoughts from a book I read recently called A Miracle that Changed the World. It was an awesome book that laid out just how spectacular the establishing of America was. This was a section of the book I had some thoughts on. I’m quoting sections of the book with my thoughts.
p. 52:
“The Tide of Reform
“Many Americas became extremely self-conscious about their lack of “public virtue” because of non-involvement in the affairs of government. They began to acknowledge their obsession with self-interest, the neglect of public affairs, and their disdain for the needs of the community as a whole. Gradually, a spirit of “sacrifice and reform” became manifest in all thirteen colonies.”
This occurred in America in the couple of years leading up to the Declaration of Independence being signed. Is it any coincidence that a spirit of sacrifice, public virtue, and selflessness preceded the greatest revolution in the history of the world and the rise of the greatest nation ever to exist on earth? God needed a self-sacrificing and humble people to inherit the new world. When they exhibited these qualities, they became His chosen people to enact this major event. This led to a revolution and the freedom from tyranny that allowed the explosion of religious freedom that God planned, that couldn’t have happened under the rule of a monarchy. It started with sacrifice, service, and humility.
“In the eyes of the Whigs, the two or three years before the Declaration of Independence always appears to be the great period of the Revolution, the time of greatest denial and cohesion, when men ceased to extort and abuse one another, when families and communities seemed peculiarly united, when the courts were wonderfully free of that constant bickering over land and credit that had dominated their colonial life.”
Two things especially stand out to me from that statement –
“families and communities seemed peculiarly united.”
From the Family Proclamation: “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”
As the fundamental unit of society, strong families make for strong society. No wonder Satan has so adamantly attacked the family. Look at divorce rates, look at what has happened to the American family. The dismantling of families is the the beginning of the downfall of a great society, and we’re seeing it happen right before our eyes.
“the courts were wonderfully free of that constant bickering…”
Could the 13 original colonies have broken from the greatest world power at that time, colonies v. Greatest World Power, if they were busy bickering amongst themselves? It took unity for the freedom of America to be established.
D&C 38:27: “be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.”
This is what we need – Americans to become self-conscious about how selfish we’ve become. This is the eternal principle of unity. America needed to be united under one cause and one heart before they could break free from tyranny. God wants us to be one. What has happened to that unity?
I read in a Doctrine and Covenants commentary how early church members, going back to the very earliest days of the church, were advised to avoid courts. It was said that if a dispute couldn’t be resolved by arbitration, then there was discord and discontent too strong amongst the parties, and they needed to evaluate what they truly valued. One early church leader, Oliver Cowdery, was chastised for becoming too involved in the courts, and it ultimately began to descent towards his excommunication.
“When Oliver moved to Missouri in 1837, he sought to alleviate personal debts by starting a legal career. Witnesses testified that Oliver had urged people to sue others in court who “fired guns in town,” who broke “the Sabbath day,” he “frequently solicited for business in collecting debts,” and “urge[d] on lawsuits with others.””
There can’t be unity where there is constant bickering and lawsuits. Those needed to be removed from public standards before the 13 colonies could think to stand up against Britain.
The book continues:
“How the Moral Reform Accelerated the Revolution
“Many Americans became so impressed with the improvement in the quality of life as a result of the reform movement that they were afraid they might lose it if they did not hurriedly separate from the corrupting influence of British manners. They attributed this corruption to the monarchal aristocracy of England. Even Americans such as John Jay, Robert Morris, and Robert Livingston were beginning to see that the people were exhibiting a potential capacity for virtue and morality which would guarantee the success of a free, self-governing society. Therefore, it became popular to express the sentiment that the sooner they became independent the better” (emphasis added).
The underlined portion is the part that stood out to me. Imagine if society today could be said to have such a high standard of virtue and morality. This is what guaranteed the success of the United States: A virtuous and morally upright people. This is why they could self-govern themselves, because they self-governed in righteousness. Imagine describing our society like that today – excess of virtue and morality.
The definition of virtue is “behavior showing high moral standards.”
The definition of morality is “principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.”
We couldn’t be farther from such a standard. We’ve gone so far off the path that we have reversed morality so that right is wrong and wrong is right. We have molded morality to be what we want it to be. The early Americans who established this nation were moral and upright in all their dealings, which allowed them the honor of being the people to establish the most free, most righteous, and most powerful nation in history. Freedom and righteousness are power.
Another motivating factor for the colonies wanting freedom from England was to avoid developing all the negative attributes of the British.
“British influence was already taking its toll. One alarmed American wrote, “Elegance, luxury and effeminacy begin to be established.” David Ramsay declared that if Americans had not revolted “our frugality, industry, and simplicity of manners, would have been lost in an imitation of British extravagance, idleness and false refinements” (emphasis added).
America has gotten closer to extravagance, idleness, and false refinements than frugality (look at our national debt), industry (look at our bail outs), and simplicity (look at social media).
It’s time for unity in America. It’s time for virtue and morality. It’s time to protect and re-establish the importance of the family. It’s time to return to frugality, industry, and simplicity. If America can return to these values, maybe it stands a chance to stay a chosen nation and be protected from the tribulations that are to come.
Sage has gotten much better at sleeping at night, thank goodness. That first month was rough. One night when Sage was a month old, I made live update notes to track her sleeping and try to understand why she was having such a hard time. Here are those notes, exactly as I typed them in my phone. These were typed in a sleepless blur throughout the night. Last Night I let the Party get the best of me (round two).
10/4 – 10/5 with Sage:
Fussy all night.
Between 11:30pm and 1:30am – gave her gas drops and she fell asleep on my arms maybe midnight? Transfer her to dock (her bed) and try to hold in pacifier. Continues to cry.
1:30am appears to be in pain. Has gas.
1:32am patting her back upright seems to provide a little relief. Not much. She’s still crying.
1:34am can feel her farting every couple minutes. Definitely tummy trouble.
1:36am starts to use the restroom and seems to have relief for a moment then cries much harder. This all upright on my chest.
1:37am she randomly seems to fall asleep on my chest with no patting or anything for ~45 seconds then starts crying again.
1:40am Again seemingly randomly falls asleep. Gently rocking on chest, very subtle. She seems to be asleep on chest. Right arm under her bum. She’s laying on her left cheek. Her right arm up by face.
When did she eat tonight? What happened between 11:30pm and 1:30am?
1:44am she starts to cough. Was afraid she was going to wake up. She stayed asleep.
1:45am want to try to sleep but afraid any movement will wake her. Sitting upright with head against the wall Sage at ~45 degree angle. She just did a shudder breath but still asleep.
1:46am she seems ok, still sleeping. Starts clutching at my chest. Her breathing becomes audible. Sounds like she’s trying to pull in air for a couple breaths.
1:49am she starts to tense up. Sounds like she is having a hard time breathing. She starts squirming a little. She’s still kind of asleep.
1:51am nothing has changed but she’s in pain? Squirming and moving and starts crying.
1:52am sit more upright. She is squirming and crying. Beth sits up and says she thinks she’s going to throw up. Sage crying. Rocking doesn’t help.
1:53am Sage falls asleep to gentle rocking.
1:54am Sage asleep. Stop rocking. Beth in bathroom. Might have a stomach bug or something. Maybe going to throw up due to the Sage crying and lack of sleep etc.
1:55am Sage falls asleep. Beth didn’t throw up.
Sage ate at 11:39pm until 12:23am. I guess I was asleep at that time. I’ve been up ever since.
1:57am Beth says Sage has been eating a lot more the last two days. An extra hour or more feeding in 24 hour period. Not this night but the night before we started the reflux medication. Tonight and the night before have been the worst nights. She also got her shot 10/3. So after shot and starting reflux medicine, I don’t think Sage has slept much at all either night.
2:00am she’s still sleeping. Same position as last time she slept. Can hear her breathing. Quiet sound.
2:03am what’s the temperature in Ivy’s room? It’s very cold in here. My arm outside the covers freezing. Sage getting cold?
2:08am big shudder breath. Breathing more audible. Still sleeping.
2:10am fix duplicate note. Can’t really sleep. Too awake. Read scripture. Alma chapter 8.
2:17am Alma 8:6 how did Joseph Smith know Maya place names ended in “ha”/”hah”?
2:18am Sage still sleeping.
2:20am reading in preach my gospel about eternal marriage. Someone in conference talk I listened to today, maybe yesterday (what are days?). It was Holland’s Sunday morning talk. He talked about the story of King David and how he wouldn’t take the wood and animal to make an offering to God that was free. He wanted to pay for the wood and animal. He essentially said he wouldn’t offer something to God that didn’t cost him anything. That’s an interesting thought, isn’t it?. Is anything worth having worth having if it doesn’t involve some sacrifice?
2:24am Sage is stirring a bit. Still sleeping. Right arm getting tired holding her.
2:26am I was looking at old notes earlier from when Ivy didn’t sleep. This all seems vaguely familiar. Like a fever dream. Notes seem to indicate Ivy was much later. Like 6-8 months old which is of course right. It was after that we started her sleep training and she’s slept like a champ ever since. Our struggle with Ivy in the first two months was getting her NOT to sleep. The girl wouldn’t open her eyes to eat. We’d take her outside in a diaper in the cold to try to get her to open her eyes. Different kinds of stresses. I’m now remembering that was after my accident too. So my arm was all messed up and gauze wrapped. Oozing puss and blood all day. I have a memory of taking Ivy outside in the cold, me shirtless, arm wrapped, head wrapped in a bandage, Ivy in only a diaper, holding her up to the moon like a sacrifice. And that girl just slept through it. Lol it was crazy. Funny to look back on now. I’m sure we’ll laugh back on this with Sage too. “First 4 weeks of that girl’s life she’d pretty much only sleep on dad’s chest <3”. You gotta look at it that way and remind yourself of those things. Because, though this seems miserable, and my back and neck hurt, and tomorrow’s/today’s going to be rough, one day I’ll miss these nights. How sad is that? One day I’ll so desperately want Sage and Ivy’s attention that I’ll miss sitting up all night with them on my chest, or taking them naked out in the cold at midnight. Makes me want to cry. But I won’t cry because that would wake Sage.
2:35am she breathed crazy and stirred for a moment but is still sleeping.
2:36am back to preach my gospel. I wonder if I posted to my blog the post about the need for God yet? That might be coming out this Thursday. This is the perfect example of that. This night is hard. But I desperately need God’s help through it so I’m coming closer to him. And this is giving me the opportunity to ponder how precious this life on my chest is. Sometimes you get swept away in how difficult it is. It’s nice to pause and remember what a gift she is.
2:39am I pulled my right hand out from under Sage so I can type with two hands. She’s pretty securely stuck to me, like Velcro. She’s still sleeping. Now only my neck and back hurt.
2:43am you should go read the family a proclamation. It’s pretty good. “Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” “Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”
2:45am Sage kicks a lot in her sleep. Beth used to talk about this.
2:48am isn’t it crazy to think about our divine destiny? Where we’ll be one day? “In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”
2:49am I haven’t read my patriarchal blessing in a while and have been wanting to. Now seems as good a time as any.
2:51am I got it 6 years ago. Time flies. The church website makes it really easy to get to. “He presented His Plan of Happiness through His Son and you accepted it with all its rigors and challenges.” That part is good to remember as Sage starts to stir.
2:53am Sage still asleep. Adding Sage and Ivy to my auto-fill to capitalize their names automatically on my phone.
2:56am I’m glad Beth is sleeping, and she’s not sick. That would have sucked if she was sick.
2:59am “You know that the path of God will lead to eternal happiness, and He invites every soul to return to His presence.”
3:04am I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten through my patriarchal blessing without tears.
I’ve heard of the “Adam-God Theory” but never looked into it. Until recently, I really didn’t know what exactly it referred to. Here is my research into the Adam-God theory for those interested and especially for those who may have concerns about this theory and its history in the restored Church of Jesus Christ.
Before I begin, almost all my thoughts come from this link:
It was a great resource on this topic and I recommend it if you want to learn more.
If you want a quick, short video that sums up the whole history of the Adam-God theory, watch this video:
Now, my thoughts.
The Adam-God theory is the theory that Adam and God the Father are the same person. This theory was mentioned by Brigham Young.
First – Adam is not God the Father. Adam is not who we pray to. This does not fit the teachings of the scriptures, does not fit modern revelation, is not a doctrine of the restored gospel. So why are we talking about it, you ask?
Second – Yes, Brigham Young did make some bold statements about Adam being God. He also made countless statements contradicting that statement. Brigham Young was a convert and a prophet. Try to imagine the dichotomy of those positions. Try to imagine someone a few years into the faith trying to lead the entire church. Is it so shocking that there were erroneous statements made, especially when we consider and understand the personality and boldness of the prophet who led the saints across the rugged wilderness of the West?
Third – Because Brigham Young made incorrect statements does not mean he was a false prophet. It means he was learning line upon line, and he made false statements. He has made statements to try to help us, the people of the church, reconcile some of his more questionable comments. For example, when speaking generally about who Adam was and proposing some thoughts about Adam, Brigham started by saying, “I propose to speak upon a subject that does not immediately concern yours or my welfare….I do not pretend to say that the items of doctrine and ideas I shall advance are necessary for the people to know, or that they should give themselves any trouble about them whatever.. (Brigham Young, Oct 8, 1851). If it does not concern our welfare, don’t get too hung up on it. The church was young and growing when Brigham was prophet. God has always worked through us, mortals, to fulfill His works. This has always resulted in fallibility. Brigham Young was a prophet, even if he made mistakes in the thousands of public discourses he gave during his learning period as a prophet/convert.
Fourth – Because prophets are fallible does not mean we cannot trust and follow them. As The Church has grown out of its infancy, it has strengthened itself in countless ways. One of those strengths has become the checks and balances of the church organization. The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles must be unanimous in any declaration of doctrine. President Nelson speaks hundreds of times a year. Not every word from his mouth (in my opinion) is scripture. It is guidance and direction from God’s anointed prophet, yes, but not scripture. But when President Nelson, the First Presidency, and the Quorum of the Twelve sign their names to a declaration, it becomes binding guidance on doctrine, church policy, etc. Such was the case with “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” for example.
Now, the statement made by Brigham that when Adam and Eve came to the Garden of Eden they already had celestial, resurrected bodies is interesting. I more think they came with perfect bodies as they came directly from the Father and hadn’t yet been corrupted by the fall, not that they were necessarily resurrected bodies yet. Celestial, maybe, resurrected, I don’t think so. That’s all I will say on this matter, though, to support my point earlier that things that distract from our salvation should be discussed with caution. I haven’t done enough research, pondering, or praying to comment on this with much confidence and would hate for my children 150 years from now to claim I believed Adam was already resurrected when put in the Garden of Eden. See how these small comments can be blown out of proportion? Grateful I’m not a prophet.
Another thought – the eternal nature of the plan of happiness is not something we can begin to comprehend. If it ultimately distracts us from our current efforts towards salvation, we should tread with ultimate caution. Such is the thinking about if Adam lived on another planet before he came here and countless other thought experiments that might distract from what is important, which is, Jesus Christ performed the ultimate atoning sacrifice for my sins. He died so that I can live. He suffered so I can be forgiven and can live with God, my Father, again. All other questions, while interesting and can expand our minds and thinking, if they distract from the ultimate source of our salvation – the Plan of Salvation and Christ’s personal role in it for us – should be avoided.
Those are my thoughts on this from my research. Here are some final items to really, I hope, put this theory and any issues involved with it, to rest.
As mentioned, Brigham contradicted himself many times on the idea that Adam was God. While he mentioned the idea a couple times in public, there are many other instances of Brigham Young speaking where he clearly separated Adam and God the Father as two separate individuals.
BYU professor Stephen E. Robinson sums it up well:
“Yet another way in which anti-Mormon critics often misrepresent LDS doctrine is in the presentation of anomalies as though they were the doctrine of the Church. Anomalies occur in every field of human endeavor, even in science. An anomaly is something unexpected that cannot be explained by the existing laws or theories, but which does not constitute evidence for changing the laws and theories. An anomaly is a glitch…. A classic example of an anomaly in the LDS tradition is the so-called “Adam-God theory.” During the latter half of the nineteenth century Brigham Young made some remarks about the relationship between Adam and God that the Latter-day Saints have never been able to understand. The reported statements conflict with LDS teachings before and after Brigham Young, as well as with statements of President Young himself during the same period of time. So how do Latter-day Saints deal with the phenomenon? We don’t; we simply set it aside. It is an anomaly. On occasion my colleagues and I at Brigham Young University have tried to figure out what Brigham Young might have actually said and what it might have meant, but the attempts have always failed. The reported statements simply do not compute—we cannot make sense out of them. This is not a matter of believing it or disbelieving it; we simply don’t know what “it” is. If Brigham Young were here we could ask him what he actually said and what he meant by it, but he is not here…. For the Latter-day Saints, however, the point is moot, since whatever Brigham Young said, true or false, was never presented to the Church for a sustaining vote. It was not then and is not now a doctrine of the Church, and…the Church has merely set the phenomenon aside as an anomaly.”
“As far as can be determined, none of Brigham Young’s successors in the presidency of the Church continued this teaching in public, and by the presidency of Joseph F. Smith (1901–18) there were active moves to censure small groups that taught Adam-God.
One of the earliest statements from the Church rejecting Adam-God teachings was made by Charles W. Penrose in 1902:
‘The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has never formulated or adopted any theory concerning the subject treated upon by President Young as to Adam.‘
In October 1976 general conference, Spencer W. Kimball declared the Church’s official position on Adam-God:
‘We warn you against the dissemination of doctrines which are not according to the Scriptures and which are alleged to have been taught by some of the General Authorities of past generations. Such, for instance, is the Adam-God theory. We denounce that theory and hope that everyone will be cautioned against this and other kinds of false doctrine.‘”
Other statements by future general authorities refuting Brigham Young’s opinions:
Bruce R. McConkie – “What I am saying is that Brigham Young, contradicted Brigham Young, and the issue becomes one of which Brigham Young we will believe. The answer is we will believe the expressions that accord with the teachings of the Standard Works.”
And Brigham Young himself – “I am more afraid that this people have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by Him. … Let every man and woman know, by the whisperings of the Spirit of God to themselves, whether their leaders are walking in the path the Lord dictates, or not.”
Finally, while some might consider everything said here to be a sign that the church changes and is “wrong,” I would completely refute that. The church is changing. The church is growing. The church is living.
Doctrine and Covenants 1:30 is Christ speaking and reads “And also those to whom these commandments were given, might have power to lay the foundation of this church, and to bring it forth out of obscurity and out of darkness, the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth, with which I, the Lord, am well pleased, speaking unto the church collectively and not individually.”
While so many would criticize the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for changing, the Lord describes it as living. The only living church on the face of the earth. This is a power of Christ’s church- not a weakness.
*Author’s note: I asked Beth to proofread this before sharing. I put off posting it for weeks because of my hesitation in sharing something like this about my past. Beth’s response, “Why wouldn’t you share it? It’s what got you here.”
“Cocaine takes your soul.” A statement I heard a while back on a podcast.
I’ve long wanted to write a “drugs” post, but I haven’t known how to approach it. It was a big step for me to start sharing publicly about how I used to drink. Now I use my past experiences with drinking to understand the struggles others can have because I’ve been there. It makes me really uncomfortable to share something like, “I used to do drugs.” Vulnerability, uncertainty at how people I love will take this information, Ivy reading this one day… Admitting something like that was never something I thought I’d do. But Beth’s comment was right. Those choices led to where I am today, so why not share it? If I’ve truly changed, why do those past decisions matter that much? If I truly believe Christ has washed away my sins through His Atonement, what am I hiding? Maybe somebody can benefit from my experience.
So, before I continue, let’s get this part out of the way: All my LDS friends and family take your moment to *gasp. All my college friends and family take your laugh (that some of my friends and family never knew this about me).
I bounced back and forth with writing a generic, boring post about how drugs are bad. Really, we’ve heard that before. What can really make a difference, I think, is my personal experience with drugs. In the Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), along with other churches, I think talking about past drinking or drug use is pretty taboo. It’s like many other topics I want to write about and haven’t yet addressed. Where I come from, how I was raised, I kind of adhere to the ‘pretend like it doesn’t exist’ camp. Drugs? How about we not discuss it.
But then recently my 13-year-old brother mentioned a kid coming to his soccer practice clearly high. First thought, “My youngest brother is exposed to weed already????” Then I realized, he’s 13, of course he’s exposed to it. I know a lot of kids that started experimenting with drugs at 13. It’s crazy to think my youngest brother is 13. It’s crazier more to realize it when he talks about the drug use around him. Drug use is happening. In the world we live in today, it’s more prevalent than ever. If we stick our head in the ground, refuse to talk to our kids about it, and pretend like it’s not happening, someone else is talking to them about it. News flash parents: Your most sheltered latter-day saint babies have seen, heard of, been around, and maybe even experienced drug use.
If I was seeing it in 2003 (I’m old), you better believe 13-year-olds are seeing it in 2021. Recently I drove down a street in Las Vegas near my old home. A street I’d driven down many times. I did a double take when I passed what I can only describe as a big, bright, pot emporium. Drugs are becoming mainstream. A scary thought.
So what are my experiences with drugs?
First let me say, I was lucky that drugs never quite became like alcohol for me. I don’t think drugs ever controlled me the way alcohol did. I think part of that is luck in never trying the wrong substance. There was a time when I was on a precarious cliff, one wrong step could have led to debilitating and life destroying addiction.
I’m going to try my best to be as ambiguous as possible about my drug use for obvious reasons. By that I mean, I’m not going to tell you what drugs I have done (it’s not many). But sometimes I may be clear about drugs I haven’t done. For example, I never tried cocaine. I had to say that since you’ve probably been wondering that since you read the first line.
What’s my experience?
From a very young age I was aggressively opposed to any substance I believed was bad. Legend has it I used to pour out my mom’s Coca Cola’s. Growing up I always said I would never drink alcohol. When asked I would say it was due to my faith and the Word of Wisdom. The Word of Wisdom, for those who don’t know, is guidance provided by the Lord to Joseph Smith in 1833 about what should and should not be put into the body. Over the years the Word of Wisdom, as followed by many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has adapted and changed. This is a natural occurrence. Joseph Smith wasn’t yet warned about vape pens and methamphetamines in the 1830s. I encourage everyone who wants to learn more to read Doctrine and Covenants Section 89.
My excuse for not drinking or partaking in drugs was always the Word of Wisdom. Like I said, from a very young age I remember taking that guidance very seriously. As I grew up, and my church activity waned, that excuse changed to, “I’m an athlete.” In high school “no thanks” seldomly worked. You needed a reason. Similar to Happy Hours across the country today, most of the time you can’t just say no.
So what happened when I had neither? What happened when my church activity was zero and I was no longer an athlete after high school? It’s amazing how soon after losing those two identities that I waivered on this principle I had stuck so firmly to.
I still remember my first sip of alcohol. It was a big moment. We laugh at the joke that meth addiction starts with one puff or one sip, but doesn’t it? Of course, there are exceptions, but would someone who has never had a sip of alcohol try a harder, more dangerous substance? Usually not.
What happened after I’d taken one sip? Well, my excuses of church and basketball were no longer existent, I no longer had my shield against peer pressure. It’s no wonder when I went off to college for the first time I started drinking, then trying other stuff.
I was never a big drug user, as previously stated. Most of what I tried wouldn’t even be considered drugs by most people today. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Drugs are drugs. Marijuana is a drug. It is habit forming, it changes your focus, it changes what you care about, and ultimately it changes you.
I had some extremely, extremely scary experiences with drugs. The last time for a particular substance I said would be the last time I’d try anything. Being stuck in your mind is a terrifying thing, there is no escape. These substances are mind-altering. Sometimes they’re mind entrapping.
This is the point I want to get across and I think is important. It’s the point I make to anyone who asks about certain drugs or drug use. You almost never know what you’re putting into your body and it’s often from a sketchy source. What happens when you can’t escape your mind and you think something will never end? I had a friend once tell me he considered killing himself one time during a particularly bad drug experience. My thought was, “why would you put that in your body????” Then, years later I had that something in my body. If it wasn’t for very trusted and caring friends being around me to calm me down, who knows what could have happened. Never before in my life had jumping off a balcony crossed my mind. It did that day. Drugs are not a joke. This is the message, more than anything I’d like to get across.
I consider myself lucky that I avoided most of the more dangerous and addictive substances out there. I never touched a cigarette. I was too afraid it would become a habit. That fear kept me from putting myself in a dangerous position with many other drugs. I was always afraid of man-made, synthetic substances. I was raised to believe that man was conspiring against my freedom (D&C 89:4) and I believe that might have saved my life.
How am I with drugs today?
When I had my accident, they tried to prescribe me some sort of Oxy something or another pain medication. I refused. I got over the counter Advil and avoided taking that as much as I could. I saw too many friends almost kill themselves over those pills. I hope I can avoid ever touching one.
Today I’ve cut out drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and juice. Yes, juice. I feel happier and healthier for it. I see coworkers come into the office and walk like zombies to the coffee machine first thing in the morning. I’ve never had that crutch and I never will.
People talk about the Word of Wisdom like it takes away your freedom. My experience tells me that drugs and alcohol, and yes, even caffeine take away our freedom, not expand it. How many people can’t start their day without coffee? How many people can’t start their weekend without liquor? How many people are enslaved by substance abuse?
I am so grateful for my upbringing and the protection I had against these dangerous substances in my life. Even when I dabbled, I escaped the direst consequences. I was lucky. Why chance it? I’m happier today than I’ve ever been now that I depend on no substance for that happiness. The Word of Wisdom is a protection and despite my slip-ups through my growth, it did protect me, and I’m grateful for it.
No Coincidences 