No Coincidences

Tag: support

  • Sagey Dance Party

    Sagey Dance Party

    Sage has gotten much better at sleeping at night, thank goodness. That first month was rough. One night when Sage was a month old, I made live update notes to track her sleeping and try to understand why she was having such a hard time. Here are those notes, exactly as I typed them in my phone. These were typed in a sleepless blur throughout the night. Last Night I let the Party get the best of me (round two).

    10/4 – 10/5 with Sage:

    Fussy all night.

    Between 11:30pm and 1:30am – gave her gas drops and she fell asleep on my arms maybe midnight? Transfer her to dock (her bed) and try to hold in pacifier. Continues to cry.

    1:30am appears to be in pain. Has gas.

    1:32am patting her back upright seems to provide a little relief. Not much. She’s still crying.

    1:34am can feel her farting every couple minutes. Definitely tummy trouble.

    1:36am starts to use the restroom and seems to have relief for a moment then cries much harder. This all upright on my chest.

    1:37am she randomly seems to fall asleep on my chest with no patting or anything for ~45 seconds then starts crying again.

    1:40am Again seemingly randomly falls asleep. Gently rocking on chest, very subtle. She seems to be asleep on chest. Right arm under her bum. She’s laying on her left cheek. Her right arm up by face.

    When did she eat tonight? What happened between 11:30pm and 1:30am?

    1:44am she starts to cough. Was afraid she was going to wake up. She stayed asleep.

    1:45am want to try to sleep but afraid any movement will wake her. Sitting upright with head against the wall Sage at ~45 degree angle. She just did a shudder breath but still asleep.

    1:46am she seems ok, still sleeping. Starts clutching at my chest. Her breathing becomes audible. Sounds like she’s trying to pull in air for a couple breaths.

    1:49am she starts to tense up. Sounds like she is having a hard time breathing. She starts squirming a little. She’s still kind of asleep.

    1:51am nothing has changed but she’s in pain? Squirming and moving and starts crying.

    1:52am sit more upright. She is squirming and crying. Beth sits up and says she thinks she’s going to throw up. Sage crying. Rocking doesn’t help.

    1:53am Sage falls asleep to gentle rocking.

    1:54am Sage asleep. Stop rocking. Beth in bathroom. Might have a stomach bug or something. Maybe going to throw up due to the Sage crying and lack of sleep etc.

    1:55am Sage falls asleep. Beth didn’t throw up.

    Sage ate at 11:39pm until 12:23am. I guess I was asleep at that time. I’ve been up ever since.

    1:57am Beth says Sage has been eating a lot more the last two days. An extra hour or more feeding in 24 hour period. Not this night but the night before we started the reflux medication. Tonight and the night before have been the worst nights. She also got her shot 10/3. So after shot and starting reflux medicine, I don’t think Sage has slept much at all either night.

    2:00am she’s still sleeping. Same position as last time she slept. Can hear her breathing. Quiet sound.

    2:01am Beth asleep. Seems ok.

    2:02am Sage shudder breathes. Stays asleep. Breathing gets louder.

    2:03am what’s the temperature in Ivy’s room? It’s very cold in here. My arm outside the covers freezing. Sage getting cold?

    2:08am big shudder breath. Breathing more audible. Still sleeping.

    2:10am fix duplicate note. Can’t really sleep. Too awake. Read scripture. Alma chapter 8.

    2:17am Alma 8:6 how did Joseph Smith know Maya place names ended in “ha”/”hah”?

    2:18am Sage still sleeping.

    2:20am reading in preach my gospel about eternal marriage. Someone in conference talk I listened to today, maybe yesterday (what are days?). It was Holland’s Sunday morning talk. He talked about the story of King David and how he wouldn’t take the wood and animal to make an offering to God that was free. He wanted to pay for the wood and animal. He essentially said he wouldn’t offer something to God that didn’t cost him anything. That’s an interesting thought, isn’t it?. Is anything worth having worth having if it doesn’t involve some sacrifice?

    2:24am Sage is stirring a bit. Still sleeping. Right arm getting tired holding her.

    2:26am I was looking at old notes earlier from when Ivy didn’t sleep. This all seems vaguely familiar. Like a fever dream. Notes seem to indicate Ivy was much later. Like 6-8 months old which is of course right. It was after that we started her sleep training and she’s slept like a champ ever since. Our struggle with Ivy in the first two months was getting her NOT to sleep. The girl wouldn’t open her eyes to eat. We’d take her outside in a diaper in the cold to try to get her to open her eyes. Different kinds of stresses. I’m now remembering that was after my accident too. So my arm was all messed up and gauze wrapped. Oozing puss and blood all day. I have a memory of taking Ivy outside in the cold, me shirtless, arm wrapped, head wrapped in a bandage, Ivy in only a diaper, holding her up to the moon like a sacrifice. And that girl just slept through it. Lol it was crazy. Funny to look back on now. I’m sure we’ll laugh back on this with Sage too. “First 4 weeks of that girl’s life she’d pretty much only sleep on dad’s chest <3”. You gotta look at it that way and remind yourself of those things. Because, though this seems miserable, and my back and neck hurt, and tomorrow’s/today’s going to be rough, one day I’ll miss these nights. How sad is that? One day I’ll so desperately want Sage and Ivy’s attention that I’ll miss sitting up all night with them on my chest, or taking them naked out in the cold at midnight. Makes me want to cry. But I won’t cry because that would wake Sage.

    2:35am she breathed crazy and stirred for a moment but is still sleeping.

    2:36am back to preach my gospel. I wonder if I posted to my blog the post about the need for God yet? That might be coming out this Thursday. This is the perfect example of that. This night is hard. But I desperately need God’s help through it so I’m coming closer to him. And this is giving me the opportunity to ponder how precious this life on my chest is. Sometimes you get swept away in how difficult it is. It’s nice to pause and remember what a gift she is.

    2:39am I pulled my right hand out from under Sage so I can type with two hands. She’s pretty securely stuck to me, like Velcro. She’s still sleeping. Now only my neck and back hurt.

    2:43am you should go read the family a proclamation. It’s pretty good. “Husbands and wives-mothers and fathers-will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” “Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

    2:45am Sage kicks a lot in her sleep. Beth used to talk about this.

    2:48am isn’t it crazy to think about our divine destiny? Where we’ll be one day? “In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.”

    2:49am I haven’t read my patriarchal blessing in a while and have been wanting to. Now seems as good a time as any.

    2:51am I got it 6 years ago. Time flies. The church website makes it really easy to get to. “He presented His Plan of Happiness through His Son and you accepted it with all its rigors and challenges.” That part is good to remember as Sage starts to stir.

    2:53am Sage still asleep. Adding Sage and Ivy to my auto-fill to capitalize their names automatically on my phone.

    2:56am I’m glad Beth is sleeping, and she’s not sick. That would have sucked if she was sick.

    2:59am “You know that the path of God will lead to eternal happiness, and He invites every soul to return to His presence.”

    3:04am I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten through my patriarchal blessing without tears.

    6:03am Sage is awake. Put her in dock.

    7:00am I’m up

    I love you Sagey.

  • Children Need Their Father

    Children Need Their Father

    I went on a weeklong river rafting trip. I believe it was the longest time I’d spent away from Ivy. A large portion of that trip, I did not have my cell phone with me.

    When I got off the river and started driving back to Las Vegas with my family, I checked my phone and learned that Ivy had not had a good week. Meltdowns, tantrums, refusing to sleep. Apparently, she’d had a very hard time in my absence. I didn’t even recognize the girl being described.

    Many theories were tossed around to explain the behavior: teething, out of her routine (they stayed at my in-law’s house), she was sick, her shoes were too tight. I knew the truth. She missed her daddy. I couldn’t wait to get home and comfort her.

    I’ve written about missing Ivy before. This was the first time, it seemed, she could really miss me. I just finished a book, What a Difference a Daddy Makes by Dr. Leman that talks all about the importance of a father, especially in a daughter’s life. It talks about how a father reinforces confidence and helps a daughter relate to men as she gets older. It talks about how moms have a tendency to parent and do things one way, and the balance of how a father generally does things is important to a child’s development. This is at least partly why The Family Proclamation says, “Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

    I believe I was 16 when I first hung up on my mom while she was talking. I promptly received a call from my dad. The usual mild-mannered, relaxed father I knew was gone. I was told over the phone, in no uncertain terms, that if I EVER hung up on my mother ever again, he would kill me. I believed him. He told me I was to treat my mom with respect. It was an important lesson I needed to learn. It was the last time I ever hung up on my mom.

    This is an example of why kids need their dad. Dads, in society, have gotten a ridiculously unfair reputation. Dr. Leman in the aforementioned book noted the unfair representation of fathers on television. Fathers are almost always bumbling blockheads that can’t get anything right. This is unfair and wrong. It has built a belief in society that fathers aren’t needed, or worse, that they cause more harm than good. Fathers are important.

    So how was Ivy when I returned home? An angel. The most well-behaved, happy, sleeping babe you ever met. She smiled ear to ear the moment I saw her when I got home. It was such dramatic joy that I almost didn’t believe all the propaganda I’d been hearing about her. She just needed her daddy.

    Before I could get too cocky, Beth had a doctor’s appointment during the week. It was Ivy and I for a couple hours. Then I got to witness all the behavior I’d seen.

    A growing girl needs her daddy. She also needs her mother. We’ve seen that Ivy is way happier when it’s all of us together. Ivy’s still relatively fresh from heaven. She knows the importance of family and the The Family Proclamation.

    I’m grateful to understand the importance of family. I’m grateful to have a small inkling of how important I can be to Ivy’s life. I’m grateful that Beth continues to be such a great mother. I’m grateful to have an amazing family to help me understand these things. I’m grateful that families can be forever.

  • Prodigal Son

    Prodigal Son

    The story of the Prodigal Son is well known.  For those who have not read it before or haven’t read it recently it can be found in Luke 15:11-32.

    The story of the Prodigal Son has always hit close to home for me.  Obviously, it’s easy for me to relate to the younger son.  You should read Luke chapter 15 above but a quick summary: there were two sons.  They will be referred to as the elder/older son and the younger son as I write.  The two sons were given their inheritances.  The younger son left his home and went to a faraway city.  There he squandered his inheritance on “riotous living.”  When he hit the lowest of lows, the younger son returned home to beg his father to allow him to be a servant.  The father, instead of showing anger, welcomed his son home, killed the fatted calf, put a robe on his son, gave him a ring, put shoes on his feet, and threw a huge party in celebration of his return.

    The older son, upon hearing of his brother’s return and the subsequent party, was angry.

    This story is often told in such a way that the primary lesson is about the Prodigal Son and his father’s reaction to his return. The story is called “the prodigal son” after all.  That lesson being that no matter how we stray, how far gone are, and how many mistakes we make our Heavenly Father (the father in the story) will always welcome us back.  In fact, Heavenly Father rejoices at our repentance:

    “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.”

    Luke 15:7

    All Prodigal Sons like myself rejoice at this story.

    I once heard a different perspective on this story, and I’d like to share it.  There is a great lesson to be learned in the story of the Prodigal Son by looking at a secondary character: the older brother.

    A great question to ask yourself before reading any of Christ’s parables is “who was He speaking to?”  Another good question is “What was He trying to teach?”  If you look at the parable from the perspective of the Prodigal Son, you can say Christ was teaching those who have sinned that they can always repent and return to the light of their Heavenly Father’s love.

    Who was Christ speaking to when he gave this parable? He was speaking to those looking for the message of God.   He was speaking to the listeners.  These were the ones looking for the message of God.  When giving this parable Christ was speaking to the saints.

    Consider what can be learned from the older brother.  The older brother never left.  The older brother never sinned.  The older brother respected and worked for his father.  Many say, and I always thought, he was justified in his reaction.  His exact words in verses 29 and 30:

    “And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid (fatted calf), that I might make merry with my friends:

    But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.”

    This appears to be a natural reaction.  He had always been there.  He had always done right.  Only for his corrupt brother to return and receive honor.

    Why did the older son stay and work hard for his father?  Why did he keep his commandments?  Was he simply looking forward to the inheritance he was to receive?

    A Crucial Lesson from the Brother of the Prodigal Son « Meridian Magazine

    Why do you serve God and keep his commandments?  Are you looking forward to your mansion?  Do you serve God so you can inherit His glory?  Are you serving Him for YOUR benefit?

    We should serve God because we love God.  We should serve God because we love those around us.  Our service to God shouldn’t be for the blessings and honors He can give us.  Our hearts should serve for love and not for our inheritances.

    Jesus didn’t tell this story only to get sinners to repent.  He also told this story to get the saints to repent.  The Prodigal Son went out to experience life and disregarded his father’s possessions.  The older son on the other hand stuck around, but he was working to please his father.  He looked at himself as moral and worthy.  He was after his father’s possessions.  That’s what he concerned himself with.  The elder son was keeping score.  He was trying to earn his father’s love and inheritance.

    Sometimes we are like the Prodigal Son: sinning and needing to return home.  Sometimes we are like the older brother: serving for the glory of the world. 

    Often we are like the older son in our envy and jealousy.  When someone returns to the fold do we judge them for their past?  Or, like the father in the parable and our Heavenly Father, do we rejoice at someone’s return?

    Elder Holland in his talk, The Other Prodigal, said:

    “I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another.  I testify that He loves each of us-insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all.  He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our profession or our possessions.  He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other.  I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone, “robes…made…white in the blood of the Lamb.”  May we encourage each other in our effort to win that prize is my earnest prayer.”

    Let us not compare our blessings to the blessings of others, what we have to the possessions of others.  Let us support and help each other to all return to our Heavenly Father.  Jealousy is of Satan.  We should never look down on somebody who made mistakes and is trying to return to God, because then we are the sinner.  We can learn from every character in Christ’s great parable.  Be like the Prodigal Son and repent, humble ourselves, and return home.  Be like the elder son and don’t envy but welcome our wayward brothers and sisters back home with joy and love.  And be like the father, loving all those around us, embracing the sinner and the saint alike.  I believe this is God’s hope for us and what Christ was teaching us through this story.

    __________________________

    Here is a link to Jeffery R. Holland’s talk, The Other Prodigal:

    https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2002/04/the-other-prodigal?lang=eng

  • He Lives

    He Lives

    The Book of Mormon.

    The Apostles, Prophets, Bishops, leaders.

    The Prophet Joseph Smith.

    The temples.

    The missionaries.

    Knowing why I’m here.

    Knowing where I’m going

    These things are all amazing.  These are all fruits of the gospel.

    But.

    Why are they amazing?

    After seeing a great vision of eternity, of all the heavens, of the glory, love, and light we will all receive in the next life, after this vision, Joseph Smith and Sydney Rigdon wrote this:

    “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!

    For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father.” (Doctrine and Covenants 76:22)

    How I wish I could scream this to the world.  Jesus Christ lives!  He died for you, for each of us.  He died so you need not fear death, trials, or tribulations.  You needn’t fear anything.  He died for your reassurance.  He died for your comfort.  He died for your sins.  He died for you.

    All those things mentioned at the start are amazing, glorious, and wonderful because they point to one thing:  Him.  Jesus Christ.  The Savior of the world.  Without Him all of it would be for nothing.  Temples, prophets, scripture, what good are they?  They are only good for what they point us to.  The light and love of this world.  Jesus Christ.

    I wish the world could see this.  I wish the world could see that all these things are just tools pointing to someone far greater.

    Ultimately the gospel of Jesus Christ brings comfort.  The Plan of Salvation brings peace.  The Plan of Happiness makes this life a joy.  How could this life be anything less when you know the bigger picture?

    I don’t fear trials because I know they help me grow.

    I don’t fear tribulations because I know they benefit me for eternity.

    I don’t fear death because I know where I’m going if I continue to look to Christ.

    I wrote this months ago. Now I’m coming off a situation that has been a trial and tribulation.  I believe I can say with a little more confidence today that I don’t fear death.

    It can be naïve to say I welcome trials and tribulations when life is wonderful and peaceful.  I appreciate that my life is wonderful and peaceful because of the Gospel and the peace it preemptively brings me before trials.  It’s easy to say these things when everything is going well. I’m glad I can say them when things are hard as well. 

    Despite current challenges, I feel so blessed.

    Of course, I don’t want tests and trials, but I know when they come, they are for a great purpose.  I hope when opportunities come for my faith to be tested it can feel like an open book test.  I hope I can face trials in life as if I have the answers, which I believe I do.  It’s easy to say until a true tragedy hits my life.  I don’t hope for a true tragedy, but I hope for the strength and faith to endure tragedy if it comes.

    Coming off the accident I had, I still don’t feel like I’ve gone through a tremendous trial.  It has been challenging, but not overly.  I don’t feel like it has been that difficult at all.  I don’t know how much of that is the fact that the challenge wasn’t actually difficult or due to all the support I have around me, especially the support of God.

    These are all the benefits of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I wish the world had this same peace I have been profoundly blessed to be given.

    He lives!

  • Recovery

    Recovery

    Since I wrote that dramatic post about my near death it’s probably good etiquette to write a follow up about how I’m recovering.

    The human body is a truly extraordinary thing.  Blows my mind that some people think this thing that has a trillion parts working perfectly together can have fallen together like a puzzle from the sky.  My healing has gone extremely well.  It’s gone so well that Beth has had to remind me on multiple occasions about the seriousness of my accident.

    Seriously.  I think about what happened, and it doesn’t coincide with how smoothly my recovery has been.  That’s not to say it’s been a complete walk in the park.  There is a fair amount of pain, my head is constantly leaking, my arm hurts.  All in all, it’s not that bad.

    The truth is, my comfortable recovery may be due in large part to my on-staff nurse (I love you!).  Beth has been the most attentive, caring, helpful person ever.  Sometimes I wonder how she’s caring for me and a newborn all at the same time.  Beth has daily and sometimes multiple times a day re-dressed my wounds.  She’s taken off the bandages, helped clean, re-anoint, re-bandage my head and shoulder at least once a day since I was hurt.  No wonder I’m healing well.

    There was one night that was extraordinarily painful.  The fifth night I think it was.  We had wrapped my arm and shoulder like normal.  Over the course of the night it itched and stung and hurt.  Around 11pm I unwrapped the wound.  I applied more ointment which didn’t help.  Then I made a potentially grave mistake.  We have some antiseptic numbing spray that in bold red letters on the bottle says “NO STING.”  The greatest act of false advertising in the history of false advertising.  The only defense I can think of is maybe they claim it’s no sting, instead it BURNS.  It hurt so bad. 

    I spent four hours basically pacing around in pain.  It’s crazy, a gaping head wound and it’s the road rash that is hurting, by far, the most.

    Again, I feel extraordinarily blessed with how I’ve improved.  I even worked a half day the first week.  I would have worked another half day if not for the great night of burning arm.  I attribute my recovery, apart from my visible angel here with me (Beth), to the same thing I attribute my life.  I believe God and angels I can’t see are attending to me daily.

    I want to thank everyone for their support while I’ve been hurt.  It’s heart-warming to get messages of love and care from so many people.

    In my last post I talked about the two things my mind rested on.  God and family.  There’s something that wasn’t said that I want to make sure is extremely clear.  Family doesn’t only mean blood family.  We’re all family here and while I’ve been blessed with the most amazing blood family, in-laws, wife, and daughter, it’s my extended, non-blood family that feels over the top.

    As I’ve been hurt I’ve thought about all the people in my life that I can rely on.  When I came to Arizona I moved away from all family.  I didn’t know that I’d end up having so many people basically adopt me into their care.  Friends that will drop anything to help me, offers for me to come over for holidays, help moving, help with my car.  I was blessed with a roommate who’s family became my family away from home. 

    There are so many people I owe so much to.

    This is personal, something I’ve never told anyone.  In my prayers I often ask God what I did to deserve so much love?  A loving family, loving friends.  So many people that care for and watch out for me.  It’s something I’ve asked often.  I don’t know what I did to deserve so many amazing people in my life.  All I know is I’m grateful for them.

    So, thank you everyone for continuing to help us and watch over us.  Thank you for the love.  It means so much. 

    God and family.

    ____________________________________

    Here is the progression of my arm healing (If you’re looking for day by day healing updates on my head, gross, go watch pimple popper videos). By the way, I’m not flexing in all those pictures, I still can’t fully extend my right arm:

    Day 1
    Day 1
    Day 2
    Day 3
    Day 3
    Day 3
    Day 3
    Day 4
    Day 4
    Day 5
    Day 11
    Day 11

    Can’t end with mutilated arm pictures, to lighten things up: