I don’t think many of my posts will be as similar to a journal entry as this one. I have many topics I want to touch on that I’ve thought a long time about writing about. This topic is very current and happening in my life. Therefore, I want to write about it now, while it holds so much significance.
I’m getting married in 19 days. I don’t want to write about the stress of it and all that because really, who cares? (Oh, by the way, if my fiancé asks, I CARE!)
I want to talk about certain reactions I’ve gotten to getting married soon. On multiple occasions this conversation has happened:
“So, the wedding is coming up, how are you feeling?”
Me – “Nervous, just want to get it over with.”
“Yeah, having second thoughts?”
Me – “Uhm..no. Just nervous about the day and the event and the planning and making sure it all goes right for her. “
I’ve had that reaction from multiple different people. Why is their first thought always that I’m having second thoughts about it? It’s scary and it’s a big commitment but I’m marrying my best friend. The most kind, beautiful, loving, patient, understanding, smart person I’ve ever met. When I go to work I wish she could come with me. When I play basketball, I want her to be there, watching. When she is doing something so mundane, it becomes bearable because I’m with her. Yes, I’m scared and nervous. That mostly comes from wanting to never disappoint her. The truth is, I’m not that worried about her. She’s going to be the most amazing wife there ever was. I’m more worried about being the husband she deserves.
Here’s the test. Can I write a short entry… looks like no. I must now get into the bigger, societal implications of these responses from other married and single men. Why is this the reaction? The issue is that we think marriage is disposable and love is something you can fall out of.
I will begin to tread lightly at this point because I am far from a master of love. In fact, if you don’t want to risk getting bad advice, you may want to just tune out now. Or better yet, go back to where I almost concluded and just think, ‘huh, nice post,’ and move on to the next one.
If I’ve learned something from my parents, as I’ve gotten older, it’s that marriage isn’t easy. As a child, I was blissfully unaware of any marital unrest. Now, I see tension and issues more clearly. That being said, my parents are the most amazing example of love I’ve ever seen. I understand how blessed I am to have an example of love so close to me. They are best friends. My dad doesn’t want to do anything without my mom. I’ve always seen that, and it’s had a profound impact on me.
As I got older I realized more how hard it is. It’s not easy for my parents; it’s not easy for anyone. Feelings get hurt. That person starts chewing REALLY loud. They tell the same story over and over. But love isn’t something that falls away. It’s a choice. You choose to put your feelings aside because you hope they didn’t mean to hurt you, you accept their loud chewing, you act like it’s the first time you’ve heard that same, stupid story.
Our Bishop gave us one piece of advice I hope I never forget. He said, “If you both try your hardest, always to make the other happy, you’ll have the happiest marriage in the world.” Of course, that’s easier said than done. My fiancé and I have already run into how tenuous a concept that can be (maybe a post for another day). But we’re trying. And I love her. I wish I could exhibit as much love to her as she deserves. Right now I know I’m not. Over time, I plan to become better and I plan to love her the way she deserves. I know today I’m not close to the husband she deserves. I hope to one day be.
Marriage isn’t something to throw away when it gets stale. It’s something to preserve and fight for. Marriages until death do you part are great, but I am so excited to be married for time and all eternity. I can’t imagine the work I’m about to put into this relationship to love it and let it grow and flourish into a connection welded in steel, for it to be over once this life is over. “They twain (separate, apart) shall be one flesh” (Mark 10:8).
I’ll conclude with a quote from a book I loved,
“To me marriage must be eternal! How could it be otherwise when two grow together and become as one? Death can not separate them without destroying; they are no longer two perfect beings, but one in soul and spirit forever.”
Rebecca Ruter Springer (My Dream of Heaven)
No Coincidences 