No Coincidences

Author: Brayden Quackenbush

  • Forgiveness, Doves, and The Chosen

    Forgiveness, Doves, and The Chosen

    Surprisingly I haven’t written about the Chosen yet.

    I’m about to finish season 3. I think this is an important TV show.

    In this season, there is a moment when Mary is talking to Tamar, a woman from Ethiopia.

    Mary voices jealousy towards Tamar for seemingly being able to push her way into the group without any hardships. Mary points out that she needed demons cast from her and to be pulled drunk from a tavern to get to her current place with Jesus. Mary seems to think Tamar is lacking humility due to her lack of trials.

    It was at this point that Tamar said something that jumped out at me while I watched:

    “Jesus forgave you, but you choose to hold on to it.”

    An episode later we get a look into Matthew’s past. Matthew is my favorite character.

    We see a flashback to when an old man came to Matthew during Matthew’s time as a tax collector. The man brazenly admits to legally accumulating tons of debt in an effort to help his children. The man will be sentenced to a prison camp because he’ll never be able to pay back the debt. He doesn’t care; he is an old man.

    The man then gives Matthew some prayer tassels. They are seemingly worthless, but the meaning of the old prayer tassels was significant to the old man. To him, those tattered tassels were priceless.

    The man gives them as a gift to Matthew telling him that one day he may regain his faith and need them. Matthew insists that he will never need those prayer tassels. The man insists.

    Matthew held onto those tassels and Mary found them.

    When Mary asked about them, Matthew told her the story. He didn’t understand why the man gave this sentimental item to him. Mary explained that the old man wasn’t giving some prayer tassels to Matthew, he was giving his faith to Matthew.

    Matthew’s response:

    “Why would he do that for someone like me?”

    Mary then told a story about a time she was going to kill herself. The only thing that stopped her was a dove. She saw it in the distance and took it as a sign that she shouldn’t do what she was considering.

    She told Matthew that man who gave away his prayer tassels was Matthew’s dove.

    These scenes from this powerful show gave me a lot to ponder.

    I often feel like Mary and Matthew.

    “Jesus forgave you, but you choose to hold onto it.”

    “Why would he do that for someone like me?”

    I pondered on whether I’m holding onto anything. Are you?

    The second question is a question I ask myself often. Why would God do this for someone like me? Why did Christ suffer, for me?

    Are we too hard on ourselves?

    I think back on some of my doves.

    Love is Powerful.

    The Inspiration.

    RIP Coach.

    Sometimes I think I’m like Mary, holding onto guilt that Christ no longer wants me to hold. That said, I have an interesting relationship with my guilt. I don’t dwell on it. I think a lot of it has left me. Still, sometimes I think I feel unworthy.

    We all hold onto things we should let go, becuase Christ already forgave us.

    We are surrounded by doves, those people that see our potential. We can always be the dove to someone else when they feel like they’re coming up short.

    We all feel unworthy sometimes, even though those around us see our potential. And God always sees our potential.

  • A Lesson Learned

    A Lesson Learned

    *I wrote this when Ivy was 5 months old.

    I had an Ivy experience that I wanted to write down. It’s something I think I’ll never forget, but still good to get it written to make sure I don’t forget the lesson from this experience.

    One night I was with Ivy and doing her bedtime routine. I don’t usually do “Beth’s routine.” My routine is to rock Ivy to sleep with a bottle then lay her down. This night Beth asked me if I wanted to do what she normally did which was read to Ivy, then turn off the lights, rock her to sleep, and lay her down.

    I started reading a book to Ivy and she was thoroughly enjoying it. She was curled up in my left arm as I rocked in the rocking chair and held the book up in front of her with my right hand. She would get a huge smile on her face every time I would emotionally read a portion of the story.

    As I was reading, my left pocket started to vibrate. Normally I wouldn’t even consider answering a call at this moment. I had been making calls that week for my church calling. There were some people I needed to get a hold of, and it was important I talked to them. This all went through my mind as I held Ivy and weighed my options. I decided I didn’t know when I would get to speak to this person again and I needed to answer.

    I jostled Ivy up a bit and got the phone out of my pocket. I believed it to be only a minor inconvenience to her. I answered the phone and began talking. I expected it to be only a minute or two conversation. As I was talking, Ivy got unsettled and started to fuss. I put the phone between my right ear and shoulder and got her into my lap in front of me. I started to bump her up and down to soothe her.

    As I rocked her up and down, she got more content. When I was listening to the person speak on the other end, she even smiled and enjoyed the rocking. Then I started talking. When I talked to the person on the other end, for some reason Ivy got really unsettled.

    This is the image I have in my head. When I would be talking into the phone she would curl her bottom lip over her top lip, her bottom lip would start to quiver, and she was the saddest looking baby I have ever seen. I’ve seen her do this once or twice before, but never so directly related to something I was doing.

    This pattern repeated a couple times. I wouldn’t talk and she would smile and rock on my lap. I would start talking into the phone and she would get very upset and start to cry. The image I have in my mind is of betrayal. I don’t know if that’s what Ivy was actually thinking, probably not. But all I could think was, this was her time with me, and now I’m on the phone, and it’s upsetting her more than I’ve ever seen.

    It broke my heart.

    I got off the phone within 5 minutes but by that time the damage was done. I turned off the lights and tried to rock her which almost never fails but she was not having it. She was completely unhappy.

    Beth took over and was able to settle Ivy down and put her to sleep.

    I went outside to think.

    Now, the reason I answered the phone wasn’t bad. I don’t think what I did was blatantly bad. My intentions were good.

    As I sat outside, this is what I told myself. I got kind of bitter for a moment. Can’t I answer an important call related to my church calling? How can I be a productive and responsible member of my church if I don’t take those important calls? I was getting more upset. Then something hit me.

    There were a lot of good things that I could have been doing at that time while I was with Ivy.

    But, at that moment, there was nothing more important in the entire world than being with her.

    I wasn’t bad because I wanted to fulfill my calling, answer the phone, help someone, fulfill my duties. Those were good intentions.

    It didn’t matter.

    While I was reading to Ivy, she was the most important thing in the world. Nothing else mattered. Whether or not she actually felt betrayed by me answering that call during our reading time (again, she probably didn’t), I did betray her. That was her time with me, and I took it from her.

    I could have called that person back 15 minutes later and it would have been fine.

    I learned an important lesson I hope I never forget that night. While there are a million good things to be doing, my daughter is the most important thing in the world. Especially in the precious and far-too-few moments I get with her, nothing else in the world should matter.

    It was one of those cosmic-shift moments. One of those moments I realized would stay with me for the rest of my life. A moment I learned an extraordinarily important lesson from.

    I’m grateful for that moment, and I hope to never cause that quiver of a lip ever again.

    Reading back on this 4 years later and I think I still hold tight to that lesson learned. Just today someone told me about a celebrity who was asked if there was anything that made him jealous of other people. His reply was that he is jealous of anyone who still has kids at home.

    One day my girls will grow up and I’ll miss the playing and the wrestling and the tickling and the screaming and the tantrums and the fighting. I try to remember that every day.

    Now Ivy is almost 5 and Wren is how old Ivy was when I wrote this. Crazy.

    Wren
  • The Many Literary Parallels to Satan

    The Many Literary Parallels to Satan

    I’ve always been struck by the parallels to Satan made in so many fantasy fiction books. I think the authors of these fictions are writing from a place that their soul understands, even if they don’t fully remember it here on earth, in this life. I guess these parallels aren’t too surprising given that Satan is the personification of evil, so, if you’re writing a fiction with evil characters, your evil will mirror him at least in some way.

    One major example is Voldemort. It’s been a long time since I read the Harry Potter books. I just re-read book 1 with Ivy. I’m anxiously awaiting Ivy getting older so we can continue this greatest books series of all time together. Since it’s been so long since I read them, I can’t remember all the intricacies of Satan’s comparisons to Voldemort. There is the obvious – great wizard (Son of the Morning) turned evil and selfish, wanting dominion, power, and control. Voldemort was opposed to all things love. It was ultimately love that was his downfall because he couldn’t see its power.

    I recently read A Guide to Tolkien by David Day which is essentially an encyclopedia of Tolkien information – all things Lord of the Rings. It is not meant to be read cover to cover (I’m weird), but I still thoroughly enjoyed it. I learned so much about the mythology Tolkien created that gave me so much more appreciation for The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings series. I’ve read all those books and seen the movies, but reading this book gave me a glimpse into the wonderful world Tolkien produced from his mind.

    In The Lord of the Rings world, Sauron was not the first evil of Arda (earth, or Middle-Earth). Sauron was actually the first leitenant of a greater evil called Melkor. In the Lord of the Rings mythology, there are 15 beings called Valar. They are essentially Gods who helped create and maintain the earth. One of these Gods was Melkor, one of the greats. Here is what is said about him in A Guide to Tolkien:

    “Last of the Valar is he who in the beginning was mightiest of the Ainur. He was named Melkor, “He who arises in Might”. He owned in part the powers of all the Valar (children of God), but chiefly his realm was Darkness and Cold. He moved over Arda (earth) like a black cloud that was dreadful to behold, like the World’s nightmare come into daylight. All evil that was and is in the World had its beginning in Melkor, for he revolted against Iluvatar (God) in the Timeless Halls and came to Arda in rage, wishing to make his own kingdom. He brought corruption into the World, and with him came a part of the Maiar (people who followed or served the Valar) twisted by his malice. He made his fortress, Utumno, and his armoury, Angband, deep under the mountain roots of Middle-earth. In Arda he waged five great wars against the Valar and put out the fairest lights of the World by destroying both the Great Lamps and the Trees of the Valar. 

    “In the beginning Melkor appeared in forms both fair and evil: his wiles were many and even Manwe the First King was deceived.  Yet after the Darkening of the Valinor, he always assumed his evil form and the Elves called him Morgoth, the “dark enemy of the World”… His countenance was evil, for the fire of malice was in his eyes and his face was twisted with rage…Yet, in the War of Wrath, all this power was destroyed, though Melkor summoned Dragons, Balrogs, Orcs, Trolls and every other evil being to his aid. This was the end of him, and, though much of his evil and some of his servants remained, he alone of the Valar was driven from the spheres of the World and now dwells for ever in the Void.”

    Sound familiar?

    All evil in the world had its beginning in him.

    He revolted.

    He came to Earth in rage.

    He wished to make his own kingdom.

    He brought corruption into the world.

    He brought with him followers (the sons and daughters or God, or in this case, the followers of the Valar).

    He made his home deep in the mountain roots of Earth.

    He waged war against God (the Valar).

    In the beginning he appeared in forms both fair and evil.

    The dark enemy of the world.

    His countenance was evil.

    He was driven from the spheres of the World and now dwells forever in the void.

    Tolkien was a religious man. But his religious traditions knew nothing of the true premortal scope of Satan’s actions. In writing this, it was like Tolkien was creating a character he knew from a previous life, someone his soul remembered, though his mind did not. 

    Art imitates life. In this case, art imitates eternity.

  • Reach Out

    Reach Out

    In Mark Chapter 5, Jesus of Nazareth performed a miracle that would foreshadow his great mission. It is in this chapter that the account of Jesus raising Jairus’s daughter from the dead occurs. It’s what happens in between Jairus coming to the Savior and Jesus performing that miracle that caught my attention.

    On the way to raise a girl from the dead, Jesus was surrounded by people. A woman, who we’re told “had an issue of blood” (verse 25) reached out and touched Christ’s garment.

    Verse 30 reads:

    “And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?”

    The thought occurred to me, is it a coincidence that this healing happened in this way at this moment? Christ performed many miracles. Here is a miracle, seemingly performed by someone else through Him. In verse 28 the woman said, “If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.” Christ goes on to tell her that she is made whole by her faith.

    On the way to literally raising someone from the dead, why is this story even included? What is an issue of blood when compared to death?

    I wonder, and this is just me thinking, Christ was on His way to conquer death for that girl. At that moment, was there a power, a life giving force emanating from Christ’s very being that allowed this woman to be healed simply by reaching out to Him in faith?

    Now that Christ officially holds the power of the resurrection and has conquered death, is that life giving power emanating from Him constantly?

    Yes, it is.

    What do we learn from this account, then?

    All we need to do is reach out. Christ will heal us. 

  • Developing Patience in Turmoil

    Developing Patience in Turmoil

    I gave a talk in church on 6/29/25. Since I put so much time and effort into typing out the thoughts for the talk, I like to put it into a blog post.

    The problem with my talks is I don’t prepare exactly what I’m going to say. I prepare more of an outline and try to “let the spirit guide.” I enjoy this way of speaking.

    On a sidenote, I know I’ve mentioned before my overwhelming fear with public speaking. It has gone from overwhelming to manageable. The last time I spoke in church I decided to wing it and try to speak without any preparation. I only used personal experiences and stories that time speaking but still filled 15 minutes. 6/29/25 was my first time speaking since that time “winging it” a few months ago. I think trying that made the mental fear of speaking in church a lot easier. After going in with no notes or preparation at all it and everything working out fine, surely if I prepare a little it will all work out, right?

    I guess I’m gaining some confidence.

    Anyways, I wanted to share the thoughts I put together from this recent talk.

    The topic I was assigned was “Developing Patience in Turmoil.”

    Beth was speaking ahead of me so I knew my introduction was going to be extra flexible. I had something planned just in case, but I expected to either use something I heard from Beth’s talk or something unplanned. I went with something slightly unplanned. As I’d just walked up from the pews with my girls, removing Ivy from my lap just before walking up, I made a comment about the aptness of my topic given I was brushing fishies and other snacks from my clothes as I walked up. Patience in Turmoil was a good topic for me to consider.

    From here, I’ll just put my notes from my talk, which give a rough feel for what I said that day in church.

    So…  turmoil.

    As I pondered this topic I really focused on that word – turmoil. What a word.

    What is turmoil? What does turmoil look like?

    “Turmoil refers to a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance. It can describe a situation marked by uncertainty, agitation, or a lack of order. It can also refer to inner turmoil, which is a state of emotional distress or conflict.”

    As I started thinking about this word, more and more circumstances, thoughts, stories, and examples kept coming to me:

    Me and my girls trying to go to the zoo. Crying, screaming, lost keys, searching.

    Turmoil – church with little ones. The pew we have commandeered in this our new ward has become a place of turmoil from the hour of 9:00am-10:00am every Sunday.

    Turmoil – a 7-hour drive to California with children. Patience.

    Turmoil – an aunt, mentor, and best friend dying of cancer. Patience.

    Turmoil – parents dealing with a daughter struggling at school.

    Turmoil – a good friend who’s 12-year-old daughter is dealing with a serious health issue. He just took her to Colorado for treatment.

    Turmoil – Mayo clinic down the street from us, how many people are dealing with turmoil there right now?

    Turmoil – a 14-year-old girl I coached this season whose father dies of an unexpected heart attack in the middle of a basketball season leaving her and her mother alone.

    Turmoil – Sister Ogle’s talk last week, turmoil in the unknown of church, if we should go, if we belong.

    Turmoil – a teenager that feels like they don’t belong.

    Turmoil – depression, sadness, uncertainty.

    Turmoil – worrying about how you’re going to pay the bills.

    Turmoil – not getting invited to the party.

    Turmoil – missing your best friend.

    Turmoil – a young boy that wants to come back to church but can’t give up all the bad habits he’s developed.

    That last one was me 10 years ago. Some of the others are me now. Some of the others are friends and loved ones of mine. Some of the other examples, I’m guessing, are you, in the audience.

    Turmoil. Turmoil. Turmoil.

    As I prepared for this talk, I really thought about this word. Turmoil. There are an infinite number of ways to experience turmoil. And here’s the thing, because you’re here on this earth, you’re experiencing turmoil. I know you are. I am. We all are. That’s part of this life.

    When I’m preparing a talk, I like to consider the message I can give that might help one person. But with this word, turmoil, there is too much variety, and yet we’re all experiencing it.

    It’s going to get a lot more turbulent in the coming years. We better get used to living in turmoil.

    *Phew. Depressing right? Yeah. I know. I really brought the mood down. Thank you for coming to hear me speak. Have a great Sunday….

    Just kidding. Let’s try to get uplifted.

    Let’s get back to my topic. Another word DEVELOPING.

    I thought about this word a lot too. Developing. How do you develop anything? You have to practice.

    You can only develop patience in turmoil if you’re practicing, meaning, living in turmoil. What an interesting concept. We don’t want to be in turmoil. We are constantly trying to make sure we’re not in turmoil. That means when life throws turmoil at us, we should use it. Don’t waste turmoil. Don’t waste opportunities to grow, and practice, and learn, and be better.

    So we’ve established we’re all living in turmoil, what do we do with it? Let’s get into the happy part of this topic.

    Patience.

    Ultimately patience is a peace around things we can’t control. Patience is trust in God. Patience is an inner calm.

    I have a blog I post spiritual thoughts to weekly. When I received my topic, I opened my computer to start formulating thoughts for this talk. I was reminded of a document I’ve had open on my computer for weeks, a blog post I’ve been working on titled “Was Satan Impatient?” I think it’s fascinating if you read and study Satan’s story in the scriptures closely, I believe there is evidence that he was extremely impatient to come to earth. I don’t think he trusted God’s plan. He thought he knew better, and he wanted to do things his way on his timeline.

    Now we’re not Satan but, sound familiar?

    Patience. Patience. I will use the word peace synonymously with patience. I think peace is patience.

    What can we do to have patience when everything around us is so hard, and we just want it to be better NOW?

    Real life strategies to develop patience:

    Meditation. I meditate for 10 minutes every day, no excuses. This often entails lying flat on the ground while two young girls literally crawl on top of me, slap, and otherwise torment me. Sometimes I get 10 minutes of actual quiet, prayerful, thoughtful, breathing and stretching time. Rarely. I started practicing meditation almost exactly one year ahead of Ivy being born. No coincidences. I think I needed to start that practice to be able to develop the patience I’d need to be a dad.

    Prayer. We have to be praying. Without prayer it is so easy to get quickly wrapped up into our day to day lives. We can be so focused on this earth that we forget where we came from and where we’re going. We should be praying multiple times a day to our Father and talking to Him like He’s our Father. We should be asking Him for help to be able to see the bigger picture and to have the patience we need to endure the trials and challenges we receive in this life.

    Look at the world as a child. LINK Ivy recently started saying in every prayer, “Heavenly Father, thank you for everything we have. And thank you for everything we don’t have.” How often do you thank Heavenly Father for everything you don’t have? I’ve never done that. That is childlike patience. Be grateful for everything Heavenly Father has given you and everything He hasn’t.

    An extremely impactful book I read when coming back to church was Visions of Glory. Something I learned from that book was to see the bigger picture. See that every person and every reaction you have, every pain and challenge is meant to change your very being into being more like God. By being on this earth, you are becoming God-like. This viewpoint, I think, can give us great patience especially when the people around us make life difficult. If you look at those people not as a hindrance but as someone sent here specifically to teach you something, that person becomes an essential and important element of your growth. There is power in this perspective.

    In a similar vein – Another thing we can do is think infinite – think eternal.

    In my personal opinion, the best talk President Nelson has given since becoming the prophet is Let God Prevail. I love this talk.

    How does President Nelson describe her as she is grieving over her father’s approach to death? Miopic. Think about that – President Nelson, the nicest, kindest, gentlest, sweetest soul on this earth. His granddaughter-in-law’s father is dying, and he describes her as miopic or nearsighted. I don’t think there was any malice in those words, just love. In that talk, President Nelson says this,

    “I am very proud of our precious granddaughter-in-law. During this heart-wrenching time in her life, dear Jill is learning to embrace God’s will for her dad, with an eternal perspective for her own life. By choosing to let God prevail, she is finding peace.”

    I will add, she is finding patience in turmoil.

    This is our ultimate strength in our battle to have patience in turmoil. Our greatest strength is to look beyond the troubling moment. Our greatest strength is to look beyond the earthly turmoil.

    I think patience is a Godly virtue. Here is a philosophical quandary for you – if God knows the beginning from the end, can He have patience? If He knows the beginning from the end, it can’t be described as patience, right?

    But here’s the thing, can WE know the beginning from the end…?

    Your immediate gut-reaction answer, I’m sure, like me, is “no.” – we can’t know the beginning from the end.

    Think about it. Can we know the beginning from the end? We can’t know all the details. We’re not omniscient. But do we know the end? We do know the end. We do know Jesus Christ died for us. We do know that ultimately God will prevail. We do know that we will leave this earth and return to a kind, loving, gracious Heavenly Father. We do know everything will be made right. Do you know that? I really want you to ask yourself that question, do you know these things to be true?

    *Give those present time to ponder this question.

    If you know these things to be true, what is there to fear? You can have all comfort through any turmoil. Does that make it easy? Of course not. This life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to stretch us.

    Now consider the great power of this knowledge.

    I would also like you to consider the great power and responsibility in sharing this knowledge with others.

    God has neither patience nor impatience. God has perfect faith. And that’s what He wants us to learn – to have perfect faith.

    Quick aside – does God have patience with us?

    As someone who was lost for so many years, and needed a lot of time to figure out just how much I needed God in my life – I will tell you resoundingly YES, God does have patience with us. He let me be lost until I was ready. God let me live in turmoil because that was what I chose. We don’t have to choose turmoil. Life will give us enough.

    So much of the world chooses to live in turmoil. Some don’t know there is a better option. How many people do you know that seem so lost? Share your light with them. Share the knowledge you have – Of a loving Heavenly Father that you knew and know, of a Savior and brother who loves you.

    We don’t have to choose more turmoil in our lives. Which leads me to…

    A final thought – we must not mistake patience for complacence.

    I feel like I have an interesting relationship with patience / complacence. My friends make fun of me for the happy-go-lucky, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to way I go about life. You know why I think that way? Because everything does work out. And everything will work out.

    The way to develop patience in turmoil is to remember that it will ALWAYS work out. No matter how hard it is. Difficulty serves a purpose.

    But we must not be complacent. Sometimes I fall into complacency.

    Just because the world is in turmoil doesn’t mean we become complacent.

    “There’s nothing I can do about evil in the world.” – there is.

    “There’s nothing I can do to make a change” – there always is.

    “Nobody is interested in the gospel anymore” – not true.

    “There is no good in the world, it’s all backbiting, lying, and hatred.” – NOT true.

    With your knowledge of eternity, you have power to change and shape this world and the minds, hearts, and outlooks of those around you.

    Be positive. Be patient. Be loving. Be sincere. Be honest. Be like Christ.

    What can we do amidst turmoil?

    Don’t miss the mark. Why can we survive in turmoil? Jesus Christ.

    Why can we push forward? Jesus Christ.

    Why can we have faith? Jesus Christ.

    Why is there no reason, ever, for us to fear? Jesus Christ.

    Why is there no reason for us to give up hope? Jesus Christ.

    Why can we cheer for joy, even amongst death, and emotional pain, and everything Satan can possibly throw at us? Jesus Christ.

    Don’t miss the mark. Don’t forget that He did it. He died. He came back. You will come back. You will one day stand by Him. And you’ll know you’re on the winning team. You’ll know this whole life experience, all the pain, all the doubt, all the heartache – He felt it too. And what was its purpose? Its purpose was to make you something you can’t even imagine.

    Will it be worth it?

    When we kneel before Jesus Christ and thank Him, will we even remember the pain?

    There is joy in pressing toward the mark. Don’t forget what you’re aiming for. Jesus Christ is the mark.

    Patience ultimately is peace. We can only have peace in this world if we focus on Jesus Christ.