Author: Brayden Quackenbush

  • Monumental Moment

    Monumental Moment

    I’ve written about seemingly small moments in my life that made a huge difference on the trajectory of my future. I’ve mentioned a postcard. I’ve also mentioned a seemingly inconsequential invitation to join a basketball team (from that same link). I’d like to elaborate on that basketball invitation story.

    I was so nervous my first time coming back to church that I made my roommate come with me so I didn’t have to go alone. It had been years since I’d been at church.

    I only remember one thing about that first day back at church, and it was after sacrament meeting ended. I’d just sat through my first sacrament meeting in I’m not sure how many years. I was self-conscious, uncomfortable, ready to leave, when the person in front of me turned around in his seat.

    “Hey, do you play basketball?” He asked.

    I remember being blown away. I remember thinking, “Wow! The spirit is powerful here! How did he know???”

    I’ve thought back on that moment. Yes, the spirit was powerful that day. But not in a mystical, this stranger in front of me received a supernatural message that I loved basketball, kind of way. The world would consider that a powerful spiritual experience. What actually happened was equally as powerful, yet more easily “understood” by worldly standards.

    The truth is, as I now suspect, the person who sent that postcard went the extra mile. When I asked about going to church, after telling me where they met and what time, she also reached out to the Bishop of that ward. In hindsignt, I’m pretty sure I was brought up in ward council, a meeting where leaders of a church ward discuss pressing matters.

    I’m sure I was mentioned. I’m sure Kelsie, the postcard giver, told the bishop I liked basketball. That person who turned around in their chair to ask if I liked basketball was in that meeting. I’m sure he was looking for me.

    Is this any less miraculous?

    Is it any less of a miracle that an individual, who had never spoken to me before had heard of me and knew I needed friendship extended in my direction? A complete stranger stepped out of his comfort zone and said hi to a stranger and asked a seemingly random question. A complete stranger didn’t care if I was the worst basketball player in the world, he still asked me to join a city league team with him. 

    As a basketball player, that last part is significant. I would hesitate to ask someone I’d never seen play basketball to join my team. How do I know that person can dribble a basketball? How do I know whether or not that person knows how to play team basketball? How do I know whether or not that person is a nightmare on the basketball court?

    The invitation that day was about more than basketball. That invitation came from an individual who had heard about me, a wayward soul trying to come back, and followed a spiritual prompting to invite me to play on a basketball team- basketball skills be darned.

    That person’s name was David Lake and I owe him a great debt. I have thanked him for that moment. Such a tiny moment. I know he didn’t think about it much after doing it. That was just the kind of person he was. In that moment, a stranger knew me, cared about me, and invited me. 

    That moment made all the difference in my life.

    It’s amazing how a seemingly tiny moment can change the trajectory of a life. Where am I if not for that monumental moment? Did I come to church the next week? Did I meet my wife? Do I have Ivy, Sage, Wren – my own eternal family? 

    There are some moments that carry more weight than others, no matter how seemingly inconsequential.

    My invitation to anyone reading- the next time you’re at the grocery store, or the dog park, or the gym, or at work, and that strange thought comes to your mind while you’re conversing with someone, “Invite them.” Do it. You don’t know the profound blessing that can change a person’s life because you decide to step out of your comfort zone and invite a stranger.

    If you have been blessed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, share it. Invite others. It’s the least you can do to thank your Heavenly Father for this gift He has given you.

    Beth and I were laughing how roommate Chris is in this picture but I’m not. David Lake prominently placed.
    Beth and I actually met through church basketball. Crazy huh? As you’ll see in this picture, couldn’t be seen too close to her, would be too obvious.
    A future wife, future best friend I still coach with, many lifelong friends, and saving Bishop all in one picture. That’s a miracle.
  • A Letter to my Brother

    A Letter to my Brother

    You think you’ve lived.

    You think you’ve loved.

    You think you’ve cried.

    You think you’ve felt.

    You haven’t felt anything yet.

    Prepare yourself.

    When that baby girl is born in June you’ll realize in one momentous second that you’ll never be the same.

    It’s the strangest thing. You’ve thought this whole time you’ve had a life and then in one moment you realize, “Woah.” Words can’t describe the moment a child is born. “Heart expanding” isn’t all encompassing enough. You’ve never had a heart until now. You realize all of a sudden every capacity to care and love that your being has possessed pales in comparison to this overwhelming feeling of care and protection you have for this helpless thing.

    It’s the craziest thing.

    Advice.

    Don’t blink. Dwell on how quickly time passes just enough to kick yourself into gear. So that when you’re tired, and, oh, you think you’ve been tired before now? You’ve never known tired. When you’re tired and grumpy and thinking you can’t wait until they just get out of diapers, or put on their own pants, or pour their own cereal, until you remember one day will be the last diaper, the last time helping them put on pants, the last time pouring their cereal. Remember every day that one day will be the last day for all these things, and it makes it easier.

    Don’t watch those “memories videos” iPhones make at any point after having a daughter. Unless you have 3 hours to spare melting into a puddle of sadness, joy, despair, and existential crisis thinking about how time goes by. And your girl grows.

    Don’t dwell on this too much or your heart will explode out of your chest.

    Don’t let the time go by without noticing.

    Don’t hate the sleepless nights too much, because, dare I even say, one day you’ll miss them.

    Many a father has experienced a new level of emotion when considering that their baby girl will one day grow up.

    So don’t miss a moment.

    Don’t listen to Beautiful Things once you have a daughter. Your heart can’t take it.

    Be careful listening to any songs.

    Be prepared for movies you used to enjoy taking on a whole new meaning. Hook is no longer a fun story about Peter Pan, it’s a story of fatherhood.

    You’ll have the HIGHEST highs and the lowest lows.

    In 5 years you’ll be a new person. You won’t even realize it’s happening. But one day you’ll realize, in an all-powerful moment – you are a new person. Probably a better person. You’ll learn so much you didn’t know you needed to learn.

    Your faith will grow. Your faith will be tested.

    Be a good father, and husband, at all costs. Nothing else matters as much as this.

    Be careful not to miss what she teaches you. Be like her.

    Don’t forget that children are angels sent from heaven and because of that, God will always watch over them, and you.

    Don’t forget to take her everywhere you can.

    Don’t forget that even sickness can be a blessing.

    ALWAYS embrace the chaos.

    I guess I could go on forever. But most of it you’ll have to learn on your own.

    Since you won’t be listening to Beautiful Things anymore I’ll give you my version:

    And I thank God every day
    For the girls He sent my way
    But I know the things He gives me
    He can take away

    And I hold them every night
    And that’s a feelin’ I never want to lose
    But there’s no man as terrified
    As the man who stands to lose

    Don’t be terrified. Just know time flies. Don’t waste it. Welcome to fatherhood.

  • Six Flags Trip Report June 2024

    Six Flags Trip Report June 2024

    Another Six Flags trip I don’t want to forget! They must all be documented for posterity. 

    Unlike the previous one in April of 2025, Beth did not plan to join this trip. Her sister was getting married and Beth already had plans to go solo. What was I to do with Beth and Wren set for their own trip?

    Six Flags, of course. 

    You’ll notice we often go in June. This is no coincidence. In the California heat, only the most dedicated are willing to wait in line for roller coasters. This means shorter lines. Six Flags trips are full of formative moments that turn my girls into true Quackenbush girls. Only the strong survive.

    Ivy (age 4.5 at this time), Sage (age 3 years 9 months at this time), and I (age “old” at this time) left at 3:45am Thursday morning. We were planning a classic arrive at Six Flags in time for opening and spend the day there.

    Ivy and Sage slept for the start of the drive. That changed at 6:00am when Ivy awoke… and started to throw up. 

    Luckily Ivy was officially the age where she recognized she wasn’t feeling well, giving me time for her to get a bag to throw up in. She handled it like a champ.  

    We stopped at the next gas station to get Ivy cleaned up and prepare for the remainder of our drive. 

    As we continued to drive, Ivy continued to get sick the entire way.  

    In between every “throw up session,” Ivy would immediately start saying, “I’m okay, I feel better, I want to go to Six Flags.” Her resilience was admirable, but even I was starting to doubt our upcoming day at Six Flags. 

    I recognize that many of you are reading this and saying, “What is wrong with you? You were actually thinking about still taking your 4.5 year old into Six Flags after throwing up for 4 hours during the drive there!?” Well, anything is possible.  

    We continued our drive and Ivy continued to be a champ. 

    We arrived at the pre-arranged meeting place with my family who was driving from Las Vegas. 

    Ivy’s throwing up was so persistent I started to think she wasn’t just carsick, but was really sick, as in a stomach bug. Turned out it almost certainly was car sickness because as soon we got to Wendy’s she was fine. She ate a bunch of food and said she wanted to go to Six Flags. Who was I to argue?

    My notes on the actual time in Six Flags from almost two years ago are pretty sparse. These are my exact notes from back then: 

    Fine at park (Ivy didn’t throw up again).

    Fine on rides (Ivy). 

    Ivy loves the Merry go Round even after a whole day of puking.

    Balance of kid and adult rides. 

    Sage joy. 

    Ivy joy. 

    Great sisters. 

    Difficulty at Crazanity. 

    That last one I can elaborate on. At the very end of the night Ivy and Sage finally began to struggle. We planned to end our day at one of our favorite rides, Crazanity. Ivy and Sage did phenomenally for many hours at Six Flags. At the very end Ivy started to get crazy and was picking on Sage. All in all, they did awesome.

    We left to go get dinner.  

    Remember when I said this a couple paragraphs ago: 

    “Ivy’s throwing up was so persistent I started to think she wasn’t just carsick, but was really sick, as in a stomach bug. Turned out it almost certainly was car sickness because as soon we got to Wendy’s she was fine.”

    Maybe it was car sickness, but Sage threw up at dinner that night and… proceeded to throw up all night.

    Here are my notes again from that time: 

    6/21/24

    Sage threw up all night. 

    Haven’t really slept much in 48 hours. 

    In the morning she had a blow out diaper, up to her neck in it, literally.  

    Breakfast. 

    Sage threw up all over herself on the way to the beach. 

    Beach. 

    Awesome beach day. Sun, weather, sand, waves, water temperature.  

    Activities – body surfing, football, botchy ball, Spikeball. 

    Much needed nap. 

    Sage slept most of the time on the beach, poor girl.  

    When she was awake, she was all joy and laughter. She loved the sand and the beach. Huge difference from our last beach day that was cold, windy, and miserable. 

    Amazing seeing the transformation of Ivy the last couple months. Bag in the car and cleaning herself up. Her at the beach – in the water, playing in the sand, taking a nap, playing independently, eating fruit. It’s like watching her mature and grow overnight. 

    A couple months ago Ivy would go nowhere near the ocean. Now she was playing a game running away from the water but being totally fine when it “caught” her and she ended up waist deep. 

    Left the beach and went to the hotel. 

    Pizza. 

    Hanging out in the room. 

    Morning breakfast. 

    Pack up and head out. 

    Ivy and Sage both not throwing up. Stop for lunch at 2:00pm at Arby’s where Beth won’t let us eat.

    Start driving back. Re-route to save 1 hour 6 minutes (who doesn’t do that?).  

    Unfortunately it took us through a winding canyon and Sage immediately threw up. Car sickness? Stomach bug? Beth would say Arby’s? Who knew at this point.

    Finish the ride. Oh, wait, with 8 minutes left in our journey (not kidding), Ivy threw up all over herself.

    Baths and bed. 

    Those are my original notes from the time and they seem good enough to paint the picture of the trip.

    These are trips I will forget because as I get older all these memories start to slip. One day soon I’ll read this back and cry extensive tears missing these days. I love my girls.

  • Incommensurable

    Incommensurable

    I was listening to a podcast about the incommensurability of Joseph Smith being able to describe what the translation process for the Book of Mormon was like.  

    Incommensurable is like indescribable, without relation to anything, unquantifiable.  

    Joseph Smith had many experiences, including the First Vision, that were incommensurable and therefore difficult for him to describe.

    I’ve written 330+ posts at this point. In many of them, I’m trying to describe incommensurable things. I’m trying to describe my testimony. I’m trying to describe my experiences. I’m trying to describe a change that has happened inside me. I’m trying to describe things I know to be true. These things, without the reader feeling my emotions, my heart, my chest, my mind, without being in my skin, words can’t describe many of the things I try to write and share. 

    I wish I could hand the testimony I have of the Book of Mormon and of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for me into the heart of every person I ever meet, if only for a moment (I want it back!). But I can’t. I wish I could give to someone how I know the Book of Mormon is true. I’ve tried before. I can’t. 

    I wish I could describe so that you, the reader, could understand what I felt when I left the Bishop’s office and knew, just knew with all my heart, that Christ was going to forgive me for everything I had done. I wish I could describe the feeling that washed over me. I wish you could feel my tears. I wish you could feel that experience. 

    Many of you have in your own way. Some of you haven’t.

    Tears come to my eyes just thinking back on some of these moments in my life.

    Incommensurable.  

    I want to state something clearly, since I can’t use words to properly describe my testimony and knowledge of my Savior. Here are facts to review. 

    I have changed. 

    I am a father. 

    I am a different person than I was 5, 10, or 15 years ago. I am far, far, far from perfect. Embarassingly far from perfect. Shamefully far from perfect. I recognize that. But –

    If you see anything good in me, it’s because of Jesus Christ.

    If you think I have any admirable qualities, it’s because of Jesus Christ. 

    If you think I’m any sort of decent father, it’s because of Jesus Christ. 

    If you think I’m any sort of decent person, it’s because of Jesus Christ.

    Everything good I am and everything good I can be is because of Him. 

    I am not a father without Him. I am not a son without Him. I am not a friend without Him. 

    Everything good I am, is because of Him. 

    For those that haven’t had revelatory experience of knowing that Christ is your Savior, and feeling what He has done for you, I invite you to sit and ponder all your mistakes. Ponder the pain you’ve caused others. Ponder all the bad. Realize He forgives you because He loves you. Then ponder all the good you’ve ever done. All the help you’ve ever provided. All the smiles you’ve caused. Consider all that is good about you, and thank Him. Whether you realize it or not, it’s because of Him.  

  • What is Hell?

    What is Hell?

    Studies have shown that humans will prefer pain over boredom. We as humans need stimulation. When left in a room with the options being complete boredom or a painful electric shock, many will choose the electric shock just to feel something.

    You can watch this YouTube video for an interesting study on this:

    There is this idea that perpetuates throughout Christianity that hell is fire and pain. I don’t think that’s actually the case. I think hell is boredom, stagnation, lack of growth, lack of purpose, selfishness to the point of looking only at oneself. I think hell is being stuck.

    Mark 9:43-44 reads:

    43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: 

    44 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

    Doctrine and Covenants 76:43-44 reads:

    43 Who glorifies the Father, and saves all the works of his hands, except those sons of perdition who deny the Son after the Father has revealed him. 

    44 Wherefore, he saves all except them-they shall go away into everlasting punishment, which is endless punishment, which is eternal punishment, to reign with the devil and his angels in eternity, where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched, which is their torment-

    The word translated “hell” in Mark 9:43 is the Greek word Gehenna. Gehenna was a garbage dump in ancient Jerusalem.

    “Gehenna was located on the south end of Jerusalem and had been a site for pagan child sacrifices during Old Testament times (2 Kings 23:10). During Jesus’ lifetime, Gehenna had a constant fire burning to dispose of the waste that was left there—from regular household trash to the carcasses of animals and convicted criminals (Jeremiah 7:31–33). Because of this, the Jews considered Gehenna to be a cursed place full of filth.” (See this link for more information).

    This is where we get the reference in Mark 9:44 “fire is not quenched.” Gehenna or hell was literally a place where fire never stopped, and I believe this is where the popular idea of hell being a place of fire comes from. I think the more critical point in those verses is the phrase, “Where their worm dieth not.” This is not referring to a literal worm, as I don’t believe the endless fire represent literal fire in hell. I believe the fire represents never ending torment.

    But what is this torment? Is it physical pain? Worse.

    As I mentioned earlier for that study, people would prefer any sensation to that of no sensation. I think the endless torment is being stuck for eternity.

    I read a book that once described what hell might be like. It considered hell to be like being a worm deep within mud. The worm squirms around, with no purpose or meaning. The worm can’t see, it can’t feel, it can’t think. It’s getting nowhere. It endlessly squirms in the mud.

    I believe the worm that dieth not is our eternal soul. What could be worse than an eternity of… nothing? What could be worse than being the equivalent of a worm squirming within mud, forever?

    Just the thought should terrify you.

    God has provided us a plan of growth and progression. He has provided us a way to become like Him. Those who reject Him will be stuck, forever. There will be no progressing for them. Their “worm dieth not.”

    I am grateful to God for all that He has given me and all that He has afforded me. I know that because He loves me He has allowed me to grow and progress in eternity. Not to be stuck and stagnant. Growth. I am grateful for that gift He has provided me.