No Coincidences

Category: Family

  • Divine Nature of Children

    Divine Nature of Children

    I dusted off this post I wrote 3 months before Ivy was born, but never shared. Seemed inspired to post it after just sharing about how much I learn from Ivy every day.

    Matthew 18:1-5

    1At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

    2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

    3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

    4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

    5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

    As the birth of my daughter approaches, I think more about children and why we’re admonished to be like them.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the divine nature of children.  We are so blessed to have children in our life.  We have been given the extraordinary privilege of welcoming and guiding a life into mortality.  What a gift this is.

    I think the divine nature of children should impact every parent.  I don’t have my own child yet (3 months and counting!), but I grew up with many siblings.  I know the struggle it is to always appreciate a child.  Kids can be so obnoxious!  I know throughout day-to-day life it can be difficult sometimes to remember how precious our children really are, how much of a gift children are to us.

    I think if parents stopped and considered the responsibility of raising a life, teaching and nurturing a young mind and spirit, it should add an intense reverence to everything we say and do around kids.

    I cringe when I see adults swear around young kids.  It makes me uncomfortable.  Kids soak up everything we say and do.  A moment in the life of a busy adult that seems insignificant can be a defining moment in a child’s life.  If all parents took a moment to understand that, to ponder it, and to appreciate the impact they have on their kids, I think the world would be a much better place.  Parents have the ability to teach kindness and sensitivity.  These are things kids pick up on.

    If parents took a moment to consider the responsibility of teaching one of God’s children, that should be another sobering moment for all adults.  God has given you the opportunity as a parent to cultivate and protect a spirit, His child.  What greater responsibility is there in the world?

    In 3 Nephi 26 verses 14 and 16 we read:

    14 “And it came to pass that he (Christ) did teach and minister unto the children of the multitude… and he did loose their tongues, and they did speak unto their fathers great and marvelous things, even greater than he had revealed unto the people; and he loosed their tongues that they could utter.”

    16 “…and they both saw and heard these children; yea, even babes did open their mouths and utter marvelous things; and the things which they did utter were forbidden that there should not any man write them.”

    I’ve been pondering on this significant moment in scripture.  Christ is in the Americas ministering to His people and their young children are present.  What we’re told is something so spectacular it’s difficult to comprehend.  We read that the children did speak “even greater (things) than (Jesus Christ) had revealed unto the people.”

    Think about that for a moment.  Here was Christ, the supreme creator, Son of God, our Lord and Savior, ministering and teaching the people.  He loosed the tongues of young children and they spoke things greater than Jesus Christ Himself had revealed.  Verse 16 goes on to tell us the things the babes spoke were so sacred that they were forbidden to write their words.  This is similar to the prayer of Jesus Christ to the Father.  These children were saying such sacred things it could not be written.

    I believe something important was being shown to the ancient Nephites.  Perhaps more than opening the mouths of babes, the Lord was opening the eyes and ears of their astonished parents.  Those parents had been granted the extraordinary gift of a glimpse into eternity and of beholding the identity and premortal stature of their children.  Would that not forever change the way the parents saw and treated their children? 

    I like this variation of a quote attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “The way you see [a child] is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is [who] they [will] become.”  To remember a child’s true identity helps us to guide them to their divine destiny.

    I hope we always remember how precious children are.  Even when they’re at their peak of obnoxious-ness, let’s remember that they are gifts.  They are special.  Most of all, we’re supposed to be like them. 

    I’m excited to have a daughter soon and be able to marvel daily at the gift God has given me and how lucky I am for the blessings He continues to give me.

  • Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Do I Learn from Ivy?

    Sometimes I find myself praying for God to change Ivy.  Not big changes, stuff like, “help her to not be grumpy,” “make her sleep well,” “help her to be happy.”

    Then something hit me that I of course knew but needed to come face to face with. Ivy is just going through her motions.  It’s more important for me to learn to control mine. 

    Ivy can be grumpy, mean, crying, not sleeping, screaming, and causing all other sorts of havoc.  That’s not what matters.  What matters is my patience, my learning, my growth.

    I’ll say it again, Ivy’s going through her motions, and I’m learning to control mine.

    There will come a point when she will be responsible for her actions and will be accountable for her behavior.  How can I expect her to be great at controlling her behavior as she gets older if I haven’t mastered my own behavior yet?  She will learn from my (and Beth’s) example.  It makes me think of the Macklemore song called Growing Up where he says,

    “I’ll be patient, one more month

    You’ll wrap your fingers round my thumb

    Times are changing, I know

    But who am I if I’m the person you become

    If I’m still growing up”

    (Side note, as writing this I almostttt lost my patience as I pulled a piece of paper out of Ivy’s mouth and kept her from deleting everything I just typed.  The joys of fatherhood 😊)

    Back to my point, Ivy does what she does and is what she is, innocent and perfect.  I’m the one that needs to change.

    So, when I find myself mistakenly saying, “Heavenly Father, please comfort Ivy and make her know she is safe and watched over so she can sleep tonight,” instead I say, “Heavenly Father, give me the strength, energy, and patience, that even if Ivy doesn’t sleep a wink tonight, I can help her know she is watched over, I can make her feel comforted, and I can have complete patience with her as she helps me to grow.”

    I am eternally grateful for fatherhood and all it is teaching me.

  • Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

    Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

    We’ve been having a difficult time with Ivy’s sleeping the last couple weeks.  This morning I woke up and Beth was awake.  I asked if Ivy got up during the night.

    Beth laughed.

    Not a good sign.

    Beth said yes Ivy did get up during the night.  She said she was rocking Ivy and could tell that Ivy was not going to go back to sleep.  So she did something drastic.

    Warning: this strategy is not recommended, and we know full and well this is NOT a good idea. 

    Beth said she GOT IN IVY’S CRIB WITH HER.  My first thoughts, it didn’t break?

    I looked at Beth and said instead, “…is that ok?”

    Beth responded that of course no, it’s not ideal.  It’s not safe and the crib could have broken.  All bad things.  Like the title of the post says, Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures. 

    Beth continued to tell me that after a while she got out of the crib and successfully returned to our bedroom. A hero had slain the dragon. A cute little booty-up-in-the-air-dragon, but a dragon nonetheless.

    She said she got into bed and Ivy started to stir and cry.  Beth asked me if I remembered in the middle of the night her saying, “oh no.”  Beth told me I then started patting her on her back.  I vaguely remember this.

    But then a miracle happened!  Ivy went back to sleep.  Hallelujah.

    After hearing Beth’s tale, I started to meditate to prepare for the day. My mind drifted to this story as the mind is wont to do during meditation. I thought about that moment when Ivy cried and very well should have continued screaming until one of us came to get her.

    A past successful night of sleep resistance. The smug face of a champion saying, “I’m the boss here,” cross-legged and all.

    The coolest visual came to me as I was meditating. You see, that night was the first time in months that I slept a night without getting out of bed. MONTHS.

    This is the visual that came to me. Ivy started to cry, and God said, “someone do something!” And a legion, thousands of angels came pouring out of heaven to comfort and console Ivy back to sleep. Heavenly Father was like, “give that man one full night in his bed.”

    It was a true miracle and that’s the only possible explanation.

    So I say, thank you Heavenly Father, I sure needed that.

    After a good night’s sleep

    Sleep training here we come.

  • Love has Afforded Me Much

    Love has Afforded Me Much

    Ivy is the first grandchild on both sides.  Ivy has 13 aunts and uncles.  She has two sets of grandparents who, while around her, make no qualms about her being the princess of the universe and most important thing to ever come to earth. As I watch her with family, I’m blown away by the amount of love.  She is loved so much.  Beth and I love her so much.  See The Greatest Moment of My Life Every Day for further evidence.

    I wonder how much this love positively impacts Ivy’s future.  How much does it impact the person she will become?

    As I watch her, something occurred to me recently.  I was surrounded by this same love growing up.  I wasn’t the first grandchild on either side, but I was surrounded by aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and grandparents that loved and adored me.  Love was poured out upon me without measure as a baby.  Not only was I loved by those I could see, but I was made to know that God and so many I couldn’t see also loved and cared about me.

    While watching Ivy, it occurred to me how lucky and blessed I was to be surrounded by all that love.

    How much was I positively impacted by the love I was surrounded by?  How much did it shape who I am today?

    Not all children are given this great gift.

    It was a humbling thought.  It’s humbling to consider all that I’ve been given.  If I ever get prideful about any good qualities I may have, I can quickly look at all the attention, direction, and love I’ve been given in my life and realize there is nothing to be prideful of.  I have been afforded much.

    And to whom much is given, much is expected (Luke 12:48, D&C 82:3).

    This used to be a daunting scripture.  Now it is a great responsibility, and a great blessing.

    As I’ve gotten older, I have become more aware of how blessed I was to be raised with the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  That is why I write this blog.  That is why I try to talk to friends, family, coworkers, etc. about the Book of Mormon.  That’s why I share my testimony of Jesus Christ.

    I am grateful for The Family A Proclamation to the World for what is teaches authoritatively and without reservation about the importance of the family unit.  My family unit has blessed my life in so many ways.  I wish every child could be loved like I was, like I still am, like Ivy is.

    God expects me to share the love I’ve been given.  Not in a prideful way, but with a humble recognition of how lucky I truly am.

    The two great commandments are to love and to love.  When you receive love, you must give love.  That’s what God asks from us.

  • RIP Coach

    RIP Coach

    I often think about the people God put around me in my life.  I’m obviously not the center of the universe, but sometimes, when I think about all those who have looked out for me throughout my life, it’s hard not to feel like that.

    There’s an individual in my life who played a critical role at two of the most important junctures in my life.  He was a dear friend, coach, mentor. 

    What’s so funny is, Coach Gonzalez never actually coached me.  Jessie Gonzalez was the athletic director at my high school.  Coach Gonzalez got close with most of the teams he looked over as athletic director.  The basketball program was no exception.

    My senior year at Cimarron we went to a tournament in Hawaii.  Coach Gonzalez came on that trip to “watch” us, or chaperone, I guess.  On that trip, Coach Gonzalez went from Coach Gonzalez to Gonzo, or just Coach.

    Gonzo looked out for me throughout high school.  Many don’t know this now, but I needed a lot of looking out for at that time. 

    I had bonded with Gonzo a bit on the Hawaii trip, but he wasn’t someone I would have considered a close friend or confidant.  That is until I really, really needed someone to talk to.  Then he was there, at the most difficult time of my life.  Somehow, for reasons I won’t understand until I see the bigger picture, Gonzo was the phone call I made.  He helped me through some very difficult things. I look forward to speaking to God, and Him showing me how critical that moment was.  I look forward to seeing why Gonzo was there at that precise moment, and why God made sure I reached out to him.

    We stayed in loose contact as I left high school.

    Gonzo had a few of us he took under his wing and looked out for.  I felt truly blessed to be “one of his boys.”

    After high school, this fascinating thing happened where the roles Gonzo played in my life morphed.  He went from 100% mentor to 50% mentor and 50% friend.  Gonzo was only 11 years older than me.  Not that many years, in the grand scheme. 

    In 2015 I went to a birthday party in Houston.  It was a relative of Gonzo’s and made no sense for me to be there.  It was really just an excuse to go to Houston and see Gonzo, who had moved to Michigan, and I hadn’t seen since high school.  That trip is so memorable.  I’m not going to elaborate any further.  During that trip Gonzo stayed a 50% mentor but also became one of my closest friends, a lifelong friend.

    The second, extremely critical cross roads in my life-  I was trying to return to church.  Who did I turn to?  Who talked me through a year plus of difficulty, repentance, trials, temptations, questions, doubts, uncertainties?  Countless hours were spent on the phone with him.  He was going to see me through.

    Gonzo isn’t a member of my church.  He’s a member of a grander organization.  He’s a brother and an angel that was here to look over me and guide me.  I’m not sure I’d be an active member of my church today without his guidance. That was the power of Coach.  He didn’t need to be a member of my church to help me with something so important.  He only needed to listen, love me, help me.

    Another moment I’ll never forget, I was only a couple months into trying to return into activity in the Church.  Satan was hard at work in those first months.  I could go on and on about what he put before me during those months.

    One of those temptations was a staycation at my favorite place at the time, Talking Sticks Resort.  I was still playing poker.  During this weekend that TSR gave me a free suite to stay in, there was a huge summer pool party.  My room overlooked the pool, of course.

    Imagine me for a moment.  Just a couple months into not drinking.  Here I am at Talking Stick Resort, in a super nice room, overlooking a pool filled with beautiful people and all my temptations.  I was literally in the great and spacious building.  I had alcohol in the fridge.  For those who don’t know this feeling, I can’t describe the pull.  I don’t have words to describe the need to drink alcohol, go to the pool, let myself fully embrace this staycation.

    I had worked so hard.  I was going to church and making good choices.  Surely, I could give myself this one weekend, right?

    I was going to drink and join this party.  There was really no doubt.  As much as I told myself I wouldn’t, I was going to. 

    I can’t remember if I called him.  There’s a chance he called me.  I talked to Coach Gonzo.  In true Jessie fashion, he didn’t tell me not to drink.  He talked me through it.  He told me it was a choice I had to make.  He reminded me how hard I’d worked to return to church and stop drinking.

    Then, almost nonchalantly, as if an afterthought, Coach said the most critical thing.  He said, “You can drink and get wild and crazy, but man, after not drinking for as long as you’ve gone, tomorrow is going to suck.  That hangover is going to be bad.  Hangover aside, how are you going to feel about yourself in the morning?”

    That was all I needed to hear.

    For those wondering, I did join the pool party.  I hung out, walked around.  I didn’t embrace the party.  I owe Jessie, Coach, Gonzo for that.  I may owe him my now 5 years of sobriety.

    Jessie Gonzalez left this stage of his coaching journey 6/8/21.  He had some new people to coach and mentor, and he couldn’t do that here.  I will miss him dearly.  I already wonder who I will turn to when I need to be guided through the next trial.  Part of me thinks he could move on because he already got me to the point where I can take care of myself.  Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need him anymore. The greater and more comforting truth is that you always need a mentor and friend like Gonzo, and he’s still there for me, more than ever now.

    He was light.  And he was joy.  Nobody brought together a room like him. 

    He protected me from harm while here, both physically and spiritually.

    I thought of something interesting last night.  It hit me that Gonzo likely, just recently, had his life review.  It brought me so much joy to think of him getting to see all the good he had done.  I considered him getting to see every moment he impacted me and how big a role he played in my life.  I thought about the net of goodness and light he spread while he was here.

    It brought a smile to my face to know that he got to see his Savior.  He was embraced, and loved, and free from the difficulties of this world.

    He can coach in purity now, for, a purer heart there never was. 

    I miss him a lot now. Though I can’t hear his voice or see his face, he’ll continue to be with me, coaching from above. I look forward to the reunion.

    I love you Jessie, Coach, Gonzo, and I thank you for all you did for me.